We all know at least one energy vampire. They might be perfectly nice, in fact, they generally are, but spending time with them leaves you feeling drained and weak. They complain to you about their lives, you commiserate with them. You so want to help them feel better, and they often do after speaking with you. But at what cost? Is there a way to deal with these energy vampires, other than cutting them out of your life altogether? How can you protect yourself against other people “robbing” you of your energy?
First of all, it’s important to understand exactly what is happening on an energetic level. No one can “rob” you of your energy. Your energy is not finite, and you can’t give it away or take it from someone else. Energy vampirism generally comes about when someone with a lower vibration seeks out someone with a higher vibration and uses them to raise their own vibration a bit – making them feel better in the process. The issue arises when the person with the higher vibration isn’t stable in that frequency and allows the person with the lower vibration to influence them energetically.
If you’re a person who’s often been accused of being overly sensitive or empathetic, you’re probably someone who is easily influenced by the energy around you. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that you’re broken somehow. It just means that you never learned how to stabilize your vibration. And how could you have? The answer isn’t to “just deal with it” or “grow up” as you might’ve been told. But it also means that you don’t have to be at the mercy of the frequencies around you. You can definitely learn to hold your vibration, even when faced with an energy vampire.
If you’re often sought out by others to make them feel better, chances are that your vibration is probably generally on the high side. You may allow yourself to be influenced, but you always eventually return to your naturally high vibration. You’re probably quite positive and loving, and others naturally feel the good energy flowing off you. Again, this isn’t a bad thing – you’re a natural uplifter – unless, of course, you’re faced with someone who begins to pull your vibration down.
Let’s say that someone you care about is upset and wants to talk to you about it. Fair enough. You’re a caring person, you love to help. This friend of yours begins to complain about her boss and what a jerk he is. Her work life is nothing but stress. She goes on and on about how horrible her colleagues are, the backstabbing that goes on, how depressing it all is and how she feels utterly helpless in her situation. And what do you do? You listen intently, make soothing comments and you begin to empathize. You begin to put yourself in her shoes. You imagine what it must be like for her. That’s what good friends do, right? You see how hopeless the situation is. Even if you come up with some solutions, she’s quick to point out why they won’t work. You begin to feel what she feels. You are lowering your vibration to match hers.
It’s important to note that this has nothing to do with her. She cannot force you to lower your vibration. No one can. You have to let it happen. Not letting it happen is, of course, much easier when you’re consciously aware of what’s going on. So, now that you know what’s happening on an energetic level, what can you do the next time your friend comes around to complain?
One solution, of course, is to just stop talking to her. Now, generally this isn’t a great option since it won’t always be possible to get away from lower frequency people and learning how to stabilize your vibration will protect you in all situations. However, sometimes you need to get away from the energy drain for a bit in order to stabilize. This applies to geographic locations as well. You might have a hard time stabilizing your vibration in a certain city or country, for example, or you might not be strong enough to raise your vibration while in a certain job. It’s entirely possible to return to that location or company at a later time, once you’re stronger, and not be effected by it anymore.
Let’s assume that cutting your friend out of your life is not really an option. Here’s what I advise: Refuse to play in her playground with her. You are going to consciously hold on to your good feeling vibration. And if she wants to play with you in your higher, yummy, optimistic playground, then she has to join you where you are. You’re not going to come to her playground of misery and despair. Make no mistake – this will take discipline. And if your friend is used to you commiserating with her, she will most likely react badly to the change at first. Persevere. This does not mean that you have to be fake-happy. Just be who you are and stay there.
Here are some options:
- Change the subject. When she begins to complain about her boss, tell her that you’d really like to talk about something else. You know that she really wants to feel better, and you think that it’ll be much easier to accomplish that if you both focus on a happy subject. Explain that beating the drum of how horrible her job is just ends up making you both feel badly.
- Keep turning the subject around. If she talks about her jerk of a boss, ask her if he’s always a jerk, or just sometimes. Does he have any redeeming qualities at all? Try to get her to focus on that. Yes, this will annoy her at first. She wants to complain to you and she wants you to join her so she can feel validated. But you’re going to refuse to join her – for your sake. Remember that she’s used to you lowering your vibration to meet hers. If you suddenly refuse, she will either need to raise her vibration to meet yours or get away from you. The vibrational discord between you will be too uncomfortable. You have to become a match, or split. And if you refuse to budge, she will have to. Or she’ll walk away. If that’s the case, let it happen.
- Do not see your friend as helpless and stuck. She is not. She may currently think that she is, but she’s just as powerful a being as you are. And you cannot force her to realize it any more than she can force you to lower your vibration. But know that when you do lower your energy to match hers – you are in no way helping her. The only true way to help her is keep holding your vibration and give her the chance to come up and meet you.
- Find something YOU can feel good about in the conversation and focus on it. You are not actively trying to get her to raise her vibration. That’s not your job. Your goal is stay where you are. So even if you listen to her saga, translate all of it into a perspective that you can feel good about.
- Walk away. If the situation becomes too uncomfortable for you (neither one of you is budging), make an excuse and walk away. You are not abandoning her. If she can’t hear you, can’t come up to meet your vibration, and you know that you cannot help her by lowering your vibration, then you have to take a break. This may well happen the first couple of times. Remember that she is used to you behaving one way, and probably won’t react well to the sudden change. But you can’t help anyone from a place of low vibration, so protecting your own frequency has to come first.
Practice this technique with strangers at first – it will be most difficult to use with people you care a great deal about. You don’t have to become cold or uncaring, you don’t have to become hostile or fake happiness. You can still be loving and compassionate (more so in fact, when your vibration stays high), you can still help people. Just refuse to let others determine how you feel.
This will take a bit of work. It might even take a lifetime to learn how to hold your vibration in ALL situations. Even people who have incredibly stable vibrations would have a hard time walking into a warzone and staying happy and at peace. This is why you shouldn’t be afraid to remove yourself from a situation that makes it impossible for you to stabilize. The rest, however, can be conquered with a bit of perseverance and practice. Good luck!