Patience is supposed to be a virtue. We are supposed to be patient. And yet, we as a society, are plagued by impatience. We stand in front of the microwave, tapping our fingers on the counter. Waiting 90 seconds for our food is too long. Television programs are starting to cater to people with the attention span of a goldfish. We get irate when we have to wait in line, and being stuck in traffic can lead to rage so intense and common, we coined a new term (road rage) to describe it. We are not a patient people, as a whole. But why not? Are we simply not wired to be patient, or is there something else going on here?
Let’s look at what impatience really is. Impatience is a response to fear. The fear that you will never achieve what it is that you’re working towards, for example, or the fear of missing out on something. In either case, it’s the fear that you will not get something that you think you need and don’t currently have. This fear response (it’s never going to happen) leads to a desire to control not only the outcome, but HOW that outcome will come about. I’ll give you an example.
Bob is an employee in a large corporation. He’s desperate to get a promotion that his bosses have been alluding to for quite some time. He works nights, weekends, and half kills himself for deadlines. But he’s feeling supremely frustrated – why won’t they give him the promotion already?? “I can’t wait any longer”, he thinks. But he’s already put in so much time and effort, he’d be a fool to throw it all away now. No, he’ll wait for the promotion, because once he has it, everything will be better.
Bob’s frustration comes from his impatience – a response to the fear he has that the promotion may actually never materialize. What if they pass him up again? What if they never had any intention of promoting him? He feels powerless and stuck. He’s focusing on the promotion itself, thinking it will somehow change everything. But what will it change exactly? What is he hoping this promotion will give him? More money? Certainly. Recognition? Perhaps. More respect? Possibly. A lighter workload? Probably not. More happiness? Unlikely.
Bob needs to sit down and figure out what it is that he’s REALLY looking for. What does this promotion represent? Let’s say that in this case, Bob thinks that this promotion will make him feel more valued. He will have a higher status in the company. He’ll yield more power and responsibility. He’ll finally get the recognition he’s been looking for, for years. But will it really fix the problem? At the core of the problem is that Bob does not feel valued. No promotion or job is going to fix that permanently. Sure, the promotion will make him happy for a few days, even a couple of weeks. But the high will wear off, and Bob will slide right back to the dissatisfaction that’s been plaguing him for years. He will once again feel unvalued, because he feels that way inside. Looking for an outside fix to correct an inside problem never works.
But Bob has decided that this promotion will be the channel through which his feeling of value will come. He is trying to control the HOW. He takes as much action as possible to force circumstances to bend to his will. If he works hard enough, they will have to give him that promotion. Except the promotion isn’t really what Bob wants. He wants to feel valued. And he’s going about getting it in the hardest and most inefficient way. A sense of value can come through many different channels. A real sense of value can only come from ourselves, inside. Bob is holding on to a belief he needs to shift. Only then will he feel better permanently. And once he does, he may well get the promotion (easily, without killing himself) as a result of that shift in vibration.
So, what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that’s causing you to feel impatient and frustrated?
- Acknowledge that you have a fear that you may not get what it is that you’re wanting. If you were 100% confident that you’d be successful, you wouldn’t be able to feel impatient. Work on soothing and releasing this fear.
- Consider that you want this thing for a reason, usually a much deeper one. Identify what that real reason is. It may not be material, at all. It may be a fundamental need of yours that you do not believe you can currently fill.
- Focus on the actual need you want to fill, not the way in which you thought you had to fulfill it, that made you impatient in the first place. Realize that there are many, many ways in which the Universe can bring you what you really want – you do not have to (nor should you) control the HOW.
- Let go of your need to have your desire be fulfilled in any manner you could foresee. Feel the relief of letting go of your need to control everything.
- Meditate. By quieting the mind, you have a chance to hear what’s really going on inside you. What’s actually important to you? Is it the sports car or what the sports car represents? We are often so busy in today’s world, that we can’t hear our true selves over all the noise. Spend a few minutes each day sitting quietly and listen. You might be surprised by what you hear.
- Look for indicators of your manifestation – the Universe will begin to bring you items and occurrences that feel the same as what you want, as long as your dominant vibration matches that thing. So, if you’re looking to feel more loved, a friend or family member may suddenly tell you how they feel about you, or a perfect stranger will show you kindness, out of the blue. Acknowledge these indicators and keep focusing on what you want.
- Take only inspired action. If you find yourself in frustration, desperately trying to force some kind of action to bring about your result, you’re pushing too hard. You’re trying to do the Universe’s job. Stop it. Go back to meditation and wait for an insight or a strong desire to do something. Don’t force it. Flow with it. Remember: If it’s not fun, you’re doing it wrong.
Let’s look at another example – one a little more “shallow”, if you will. Karen wants a new apartment. She knows why she wants the apartment ; she wants more space, a guest room, a proper home office and a bigger bathroom. She has been visualizing the apartment for some time and feels great about it. But… she knows that she has to earn more money in her business in order to be able to afford the higher rent. She’s been working on a big contract for months, which would allow her to earn this extra money and then some. But the contract won’t close. Something always gets in the way. And if the contract doesn’t close, she won’t be able to get the bigger apartment.
Except…the Universe could bring her a bigger apartment at the same price as her current one, or find a different way to bring her the cash, one that may not even have anything to do with her business. But Karen’s fear that she may never get that bigger place causes her to insist that she control the avenue through which this apartment will come to her – getting that contract. And this causes her untold frustration. If Karen were to acknowledge that what she really wants is more space, and it doesn’t really matter how that comes about, she would create an energetic shift that would allow her to manifest a bigger apartment quickly and easily. By pinching off the possibilities, we are pinching off energy. And when the energy can’t flow, manifestations can’t appear.
The next time you find yourself getting frustrated, remember that all negative emotions are simply an indication of some vibrational discord. You are thinking a thought, or harboring a belief that your inner being, the YOU who you really are, disagrees with. Find that thought or belief and shift your perspective and you will feel better. And when you feel better, you’ll get what you want.