So, you’re working on this Law of Attraction stuff. You accept that you create your reality, theoretically at least, you meditate and visualize and you’ve even noticed that things in your life are getting better. You’re feeling lighter and happier and freer than you’ve felt in a long time. You walk around with a skip in your step, or something like that. And then you go to work and Bob from accounting whom you’ve always hated, presents your idea to the boss (again!) taking the credit for something you’ve spent the last six months working on. Reality your ass. Suddenly, you don’t feel so great anymore. In fact, you want to rip his head off. You can be all spiritual again tomorrow.
Most of us have experienced a difficult co-worker or boss at one time or another. For some of us, they’ve turned into a full blown nemesis. The mere thought of them could send us off into a rant of gargantuan proportions and ruin our whole day. But if we create our own reality (and we do), how is it that we invite these people into our lives, and more importantly, what can we do about it?
First off, it’s important to realize that your nemesis is there in response to your vibration. You did, in fact, invite them in. Whatever it is that they do that upsets you so much, it’s showing you something about yourself. If, for example, they steal your work and credit, you may feel unappreciated in general. If they like to humiliate you in meetings, it’s likely that you’ve unsure of yourself. This is hard to see, especially when your buttons are being pushed on a daily basis, but trust me, there’s a reason this person is getting under your skin.
Ferreting out and shifting the vibration that’s causing your colleague to act the way they do would take care of it, but as I said, it can be incredibly hard to get analytical when all you want to do is punch them in face. I’ve been there, on more than one occasion. Because of my devotion to work (read: extreme workaholism), I played out a lot of my neuroses in the office. Hence, I had plenty of co-workers, bosses and even employees who were more than happy to play their part in mirroring my limiting beliefs back to me. I bless them all now, but I sure didn’t back then.
Many of these relationships were never successfully resolved while the “offending” party was still physically in my life. But I did manage to make a major, and most importantly, conscious shift a few years ago. Although I had been studying energy work for years, I was so bogged down by work, I kept forgetting to use it to my advantage, and it wasn’t until I created a situation so painful for myself, that I had no choice but to give up and try something else. Doing energy work was my last resort, instead of my first one.
I had some in-company clients (they worked for the same company as I did, only or a completely different division) overseas who had each been with the company for 30+ years and saw me as relatively junior. These were men who were used to yelling (not saying) “jump” and having everyone around them do their best to hover in mid air. They ran their operations like military outfits and they were the dictators. There was no room for discussion, no room for human emotions and they certainly weren’t used to hearing the word “no”. Actually, military is not quite accurate. Mafia would be a better word. 🙂
Suffice it to say, I ran my end of the business a bit differently. When they demanded that I mistreat my staff to meet unreasonable and completely unnecessary demands, I said “no”. And I said “no” a lot. I was willing to compromise, I pointed out that essentially, we all wanted the same thing – a well run, efficient and cost effective operation. But to no avail. I was screamed at almost daily (sometimes several times a day) on conference calls. They were simply outraged that I would not simply say “yes sir” and get on with it. They couldn’t believe that I dared to express an opinion – that I had a mind of my own. I tried to resolve the situation in all the conventional ways – I tried reasoning with them and ran headfirst into a wall of condescension. I invited senior (very senior) managers to join the calls, to keep the peace and back me up. This worked like a charm until the next phone call, when I was on my own again, and the bullying would commence with even more vigor. I consulted HR, who advised that I record the calls and file a report – essentially declaring war on some very powerful opponents, and pouring gasoline on an already raging fire. The situation just kept getting worse, and I went home every night, emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. Until one Friday night, when I decided that I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I couldn’t see why I had created this situation, and couldn’t even admit that I had done so. I was in too much pain. I couldn’t do that kind of work in such an emotional state. I was angry, sure, but most of all, I just wanted it to stop. I didn’t care what it took, I was willing to swallow my pride, to do pretty much anything reasonable to resolve the situation. There was only one condition: I still wanted to be able to protect my employees. I wasn’t willing to accept a resolution that would harm them. So, my desire was defined: I wanted them to stop screaming at me and trying to bully me. I wanted them to stop being so nasty and just work with me instead of against me. I wanted them to see that we were on the same side.
And then it became clear to me: I had to make peace with them, in my own head. I didn’t have to talk to them, I didn’t have to persuade them or convince them of anything. I had to make peace with them energetically. For me. This had nothing to do with them, that much I recognized, and in order to resolve the situation, I had to make peace with the situation.
I tried to forgive them, but I was too angry, too hurt. I attempted to see them in a new light, as people who were also just trying to do the best they could. That helped a bit, but it didn’t get me there. My mind couldn’t understand why they were so unreasonable. I was still too close to the situation. So, I kept taking a step back. Whenever I feel that I’m too emotional about something, when my feelings about something are so strong they’re preventing me from finding other perspectives, I widen my view and look at the bigger picture. I keep increasing the view until I’ve created enough distance to settle my emotional turmoil. I didn’t know to do this back then, but I did it instinctively. I always say that we don’t have to study this stuff to know it. We’re born with the knowledge, we just have to remember it.
I kept taking a step back until I was able to see these two men not as human beings, but as souls. They were spirit in physical form, just like me. And when I looked at them through that lens, I was able to identify with them. I was able to see them without anger or resentment. And that’s when I felt some relief. I had shifted my vibration on the subject – I had found a way to shift my perspective and view these two individuals in a different light. And from that perspective, I talked to them. I asked them to see that we were all working towards the same goal. I told them I was on their side, and that I didn’t want to be their enemy. In that moment, I didn’t feel that we were adversaries. I felt connected to them. And then, I did something I would never have thought I’d be able to do: I sent them love. I sent it to their spirits, not their human selves, but that didn’t matter. This whole process took about two hours, after which, I’m pretty sure I took a nap.
Fast forward to the next Monday. Remember that I had not had a physical conversation with them, I hadn’t taken any action between Friday night and Monday morning except the energy work I just described. But from that day on, everything changed. The phone calls went from several times a day to once or twice a week. They no longer screamed at me. They weren’t my best friends, but they remained civil. They stopped the micro-management and started trusting my methods. For the most part, they left me alone, but even when they didn’t, they were respectful and reasonable. Two hours of working on myself had fixed months of suffering.
I remember this incident so clearly because it was one of the first big successes I had consciously working with my own vibration. I instantly created change in my physical world by shifting my energy. I discovered the incredible leverage that we have when working with energy – seemingly impossible situations can be resolved in a matter of minutes. And I proved to myself, once and for all, that everything in my reality, even other people, is there in response to me and what I’m putting out there. It all starts with me. And in your reality, it all starts with you.
So, if you’re currently struggling with a workplace nemesis, try using the method above to shift your energy. You may not be able to see the issue they’re mirroring back to you (if you can, all the better), but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve the situation anyway. All you have to do is make a shift within yourself. See the situation differently, shift your perspective. Pick a vantage point as far up as you need to. You might want to start my sending love to all human beings, for example. That’ll be a lot easier than sending love directly to the a-hole at the office. Work your way up to that point incrementally. I promise you, you can accomplish great things in a very small amount of time. The results you’ll attain will amaze you. They certainly did me.
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Are such old farts a dying breed or will they always be out there somewhere? And people think they get discriminated against concerning age but I see that these guys rule everywhere hey go. Just wondering what the fact of the matter is, of any, but no matter, as it is irrelevant because it all depends on us.
What I find effective is pre-paving for meetings. It always works with those of the same vibe. I thought about how a meeting would go last week and the other person brought up all the topics and we had an even better time! But she is a happy shiny puppy. It would take more practice with others that make us want to leave the room, which is also an option as I have seen it happen, but most importantly, maintaining your cool throughout.
Thank you so much for this awesome post. I also loved the email you sent out on Becoming Unstuck: Breaking the Cycle of Manifestations which is a topic that I was in dire need of advice on this week! I was wondering if you could elaborate a little more on how to broaden your perspective and see work-place foes (or ex-foes) as souls. Did you journal about it? Was this all meditative? Some details would be very much appreciated. Thank you again for your wisdom… It truly is inspiring and healing.
I use a combination of journaling and meditating/visualization. But that’s my own personal preference. Use whatever works for you. I’ll have a think about this and will see if I can publish it as a process in a blog post. 🙂
Interesting post as usual!!! But could u elaborate a bit more on how did u shift your perspective??? As in do you start focusing on the positive traits of the 2 bosses? How did you see them in a different light??
Really enjoyed reading this! Especially the bit about you’re just adding energy to their stuckness and pain if you focus negatively on them. You always here stories about people who beat the odds because one person believed in them and it spurred them on to believe in themselves 🙂 Now just need to release my resistance to dominating power hungry bosses lol!
I’m so glad this was valuable for you. Trust me on this, it does work. If you focus on your bosses in a way that feels good (that’s the hard part), they will change (or leave, and new bosses will come in.)
Thankyou Melody, 🙂
This is a very important answer!! I had the feeling Limbo Man was having an influence on me because I’m still a reactive person.
Even before learning about LOA I’d feel him pointing out the situation, adding his anger to the situation or saying crushing statements like “you haven’t changed in X amount of time” (after putting much time and effort into continuous self-improvement)
Then the worst thing was when his mother found out and I felt her energy directed at me as a failure of a person WITHOUT even talking to her.
I have made concious action to take the heat down on my end. I used to make fatal LOA mistakes such as telling all my friends and family about him and the situation.
HUGE arguments would always occur after my bitching session until it smacked my brick head somehow all this made things worse.
Before LOA I just thought it was creating curses or negative energy in the house.
I also feel more stuck and confused after he makes these statements and others ask me “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO” adds to the panic. They ARE making it worse!
How would I explain to non-believers that theirs thoughts and energy is only contributing to the situation?
I feel like if miraculously he understood LOA the heat would go right down as he’d realise his own power and freedom.
You don’t Alice. You can’t explain this to someone who’s not ready to hear it. How you feel is YOUR responsibility. Don’t ask someone else to change so you can feel better. The day you truly get this (not just intellectually, but experience it), will be one of the best days of your life. It will free you.
You don’t have to be reactive. You can be deliberate. That’s what this whole site is about. 🙂
Are you sure ALL “people” have souls???? Ok they do but it’s so hard to believe sometimes…..
I’m pretty sure there are people that are just fillers or meat sacks, like extras in a movie or minor characters in a book. Pretty elitist sounding I know-but being honest. Some people just seem too vapid…I’m not talking about “evil” people (they certainly have big powerful energies)
Have you ever seen some of the people in Australia? There’s some people here that lack in every direction. I’m not going to sugarcoat this. They are ugly, seem inbred, have no goals, don’t work, harass others, walk around talking like real idiots having totally VAPID conversations, slap their children around as they smoke while pregnant–they seem so pointless…
I realize that’s a pretty controversial thing to say but if you saw them….
Well it’s something like this television show (yep there were enough people like this to make t.v.)
The blonde woman is actually not all that uncommon here.
Ok, this may sound really condescending, but it’s not meant that way. People like this are REALLY unaware of who they really are. They are operating from much more from their animal nature than their human one. They definitely have souls and they are just as powerful as you and me, but they are much less aware of it. They are often in a great deal of pain (that woman is not happy) and they are lashing out blindly , like wounded animals. They just want to escape their pain and they don’t know how. They’ve learned that letting off steam, becoming enraged, screaming and even hitting another makes them feel relief and so they do that. They don’t know of another way.
There’s nothing wrong with these people. They are simply experiencing their reality in a different vibrational spectrum from you. It’s your choice if you want to be a match to that or not. 🙂
Well it’s a scripted t.v. show that’s meant to be funny (it’s not- too close to home) the humour comes from re-enacting people in those areas so there’s a lot of truth in it. They do camp it up a bit and I’m sure it’s funny to some people and has it’s moments (kind of a crude satire) I’m pretty sure the actor is not happy as not many people would match this role. I have a real-life version of her I see most days from my window but I used this as I don’t have a camera and it’s illegal to film people… I’ve often thought about myself and the fact I’m somehow a match to this neighbourhood or maybe it’s just because I’m poor.
* How would they turn from animalistic to their higher self that acts like a human? How do these people find that when they all reinforce each other and teach their children violence and stupidity?
I saw one on the train station. She had this really cute daughter playing and dancing- bang- slapped in the face and told to “sit the eff down!”… Doesn’t seem like they are every going to get there…
Alice, it’s not your or my job to get them there (and they will, in their own time). That’s the job of their inner being. They are experiencing a unique perspective, one that comes with a great deal of discomfort. Believe it or not, the non-physical are grateful to those who are willing to experience the lower vibrations. It adds to the whole and the expansion of the Universe. These people are creating powerful desires (borne of them focusing so intently on what they don’t want) which the non-physical then get to live.
They are always being called toward their own joy. And they will go when they are willing and able, latest when they transition (die). And their children are born into a higher vibration. They are definitely moving up the scale, bit by bit. But it’s not the same scale as yours, so you can’t compare.
You know, if you want to help them (and yourself), don’t focus on what’s wrong with them and how unenlightened they are. Focus on something positive about them. And if you can’t find anything like that, then don’t focus on them at all. Otherwise, you’re just adding energy to their stuckness and pain, and not the solution.
You mean they will get there in the end literally like by the ultimate shift into death? Or that they will actually get there? The latter would be so cool and amzing. It would inspire the whole world if they figured out how to do that by themselves.
“And if you can’t find anything like that, then don’t focus on them at all. Otherwise, you’re just adding energy to their stuckness and pain, and not the solution.”
I thought we couldn’t create in each others reality.
Both are true. They CAN get there during their life times and many will. But if they don’t, they’ll get there when they transition or “die”. Either way, they’ll get there. But yeah, it’s a lot more fun to be here when we allow ourselves to evolve right here, right now. 🙂
You can’t create in another’s reality, but you can influence them. Just as you can be uplifted by a happy person, so can your focus add to the energy of topics that if they become bigger (through your focus) get more attractive power and become easier for others to find.
So, if you look at someone’s bad points, not only are you keeping yourself stuck in a place that matches how you feel about that, but you are adding your energy to those thoughts, making them easier for others to find. And when those thoughts are about specific people, they can more easily tap into them.
They have done experiments with this. A psychologist spent a couple of months focusing with love on some prison inmates. He never met any of them, this was all just intention and focus. These were some of the worst of the worst offenders. After a few months, these inmates all showed vast improvements in behavior and attitude.
They had to allow themselves to be uplifted, but since most people are really more reactive than deliberate, they will usually allow themselves to be influenced by others, both positively and negatively. TV is a great example of that. 🙂
During the ’80s, I was a manager in the HR dept. of a Fortune 500 company at its corporate HQ in Stamford, CT. The company president was certifiable. His top-floor office, on the north side of the building per his demand, was always dark because the blinds were always drawn. High-level execs, the only beings he would entertain there, were all treated the same. He’d yell and scream at them until they were dismissed, ashen-faced. At the annual Paris Air Show (the company made defense weapons), he demanded a white limo to ferry him back and forth from his hotel. Only black limos were available, so he had one painted white for the occasion–he was in Paris for all of three days. He’d use the company jet to fly himself and his wife to and from California, where they were building a second home. They’d put up at a luxury suite each visit, but on one visit the A/C wasn’t working, so he called his secretary back in CT where it was 2 in the morning to tell her, “Fix it.” Whereupon she called the hotel desk, or what would have amounted to her boss dialing 0 from his hotel room.
Long story, sorry about that; I obviously still have a lot of attachment around that lunatic and that company. But having worked in HR, I do think that the advice your HR dept. gave you might have tipped the balance toward a more workable relationship with your tyrants. I have no doubt the term “lawsuit” came up in conversation between HR and the good ol’ boys, and it would have had a powerful effect.
Nevertheless, you did all the right things.
Hey Delving Eye,
Wow. What a great story. I’ve heard of execs like that, but never had the displeasure of working with one directly. I did have one Australian clients who wore all white and cursed at people all day long. That was interesting.
You know, I didn’t really want to punish these men. I just wanted the problem resolved. They clearly saw me as a threat and going on the offensive would’ve just made it worse. I think it’s so easy to sue (although not nearly as easy or common outside of the US…) and try to bully the other person into complying. It’s harder (not really, but we see it that way) to do the internal work, shift our energy and really FIX our vibration to truly resolve the problem. It definitely comes down to figuring out what you really want. Do you want to punish, be right, get even? Or do you want to just feel better and have an easier time? I chose the latter. 🙂
Thank you for this enlightening post! I knew I had the ability to shift this situation but this clarified my role and the immense power of it for me. My vibration is already much higher and I feel great. My day/week/month/project will look different as a result. In fact, it already does. Appreciated!
Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback. I’m rally glad this post has empowered you and made you feel better. You are so very welcome!!