We all get depressed from time to time. Something happens in our lives that takes us by surprise, that we weren’t expecting or that we’re not prepared to deal with and we go to that dark place. We know, intellectually, that we don’t have to feel that way. But in that moment of darkness, that knowledge is little more than theory. We don’t have access to the clarity we need in order to pull ourselves out of the pit of despair. And that just makes it worse. Not only are we in a funk about whatever happened, but now we’re feeling like a failure for allowing ourselves to get into that state in the first place. Oh happy days.
Hitting those low points every once in a while is unavoidable. It’s going to happen. Without seeing what we don’t want, at least every once in a while, we can’t know what we do want. It’s like going to an art gallery and looking at all the paintings. Some, you’ll love. Many will leave you indifferent. And some, you’ll absolutely despise. That funky state is the equivalent of having looked at a painting you hated. You focused on a thought that didn’t make you feel good. And if it’s a well-worn thought, something you’ve made a habit of focusing on in the past, it’ll be really easy to fall back into that line of thought. But habits can be broken, and once you have an understanding of what’s happening energetically when you’re in that funk, you can definitely find your way out of it.
How we get into a funk
So, you’re staring at that horrible painting in the art gallery. You hate it. You can barely stand to look at it. It’s so repulsive, it’s giving you a stomach ache. But for some reason, you just keep looking. You feel awful, but you can’t stop staring at it. And the longer you look, the worse you feel.
This is exactly what’s happening when you become depressed. You’re looking at a situation in a way that feels bad. It isn’t the situation that’s causing your negative emotions, but rather your thoughts about them. And as long as you keep thinking those thoughts, you’re going to continue to feel worse, until you’re in a full blown funk.
Let’s say you’re having a great day. Your vibration is nice and high and you feel great. Then you find out that you didn’t get the promotion you wanted at work. You’re going to have some thoughts about that. You didn’t get the job because you’re not good enough (=unworthiness). Or, you didn’t get it because your boss is an incompetent butthead who wouldn’t know good work if it bit him in the ass, but there’s nothing you can do about it (=helplessness). Now, these thoughts are awful and untrue and vibrationally at a much lower frequency than where you generally vibrate. By focusing on that frequency, you’re lowering your vibration and that’s going to feel bad.
Being in a funk blocks your access to better feeling thoughts
The obvious solution, from a theoretical point of view, would be to simply focus on a better feeling thought – one with a higher vibration. You could realize that you didn’t get the job because you’re not a vibrational match to it right now and that this could actually be a really good thing. In other words, an even better manifestation could be on the way, and getting the promotion could’ve gotten in the way of it. The fact that you didn’t get promoted is absolutely no reflection on your worth and the Universe is always responding perfectly to your vibration, so you do have control over your experience. And if you could do that, it would take you only a few seconds to shift your thoughts and vibration and your funk would dissipate.
The problem is that once you’re on that track, once you’re firmly ensconced in that lower frequency, you no longer have access to the clarity that the higher vibration provided. You know that you should be able to feel better, that there’s a way for you to get there, but you just can’t seem to find your way. The pull of the unworthy and helpless thoughts is too strong.
You try to shift your perspective and look at the situation in a different way. And if the problem is fairly minor, this can be easy and effective. But issues that will put you into a full blown funk are generally not minor. So, when you try to think “This could be a good thing. This isn’t my fault. I’m just not a vibrational match”, you don’t feel better. Those thoughts don’t ring true and in that moment, you just can’t believe them. It’s so much easier to think the negative thoughts, even though they make you feel like crap.
Don’t try to feel better about the issue that put you in the funk
The #1 mistake that most of us make in this situation is to try and get out of our funk by feeling better about the issue that caused us to feel depressed in the first place. What we’re trying to do is take that lower vibration, grab onto it with both hands and drag it up to a higher frequency. But this is never going to work if we’re so firmly entrenched in that lower frequency that we can’t even imagine what that higher frequency will feel like. Issues that trigger big, deeply rooted beliefs can be insidious that way.
So, when your friends tell you that there will be other jobs, that the company doesn’t deserve you, and that you’ll be just fine, you don’t feel better. As long as you keep thinking about the fact that you didn’t get the promotion, you’re going to continue to feel worse. The law of attraction will just continue to bring you more and more thoughts that vibrate at this low vibration and it’ll get easier and easier to think them (and hard and harder to change your thoughts).
So, what’s the solution?
Use distraction to raise your vibration
If your friends sit you down and try to cheer you up while talking about the fact that you didn’t get the job, it’s just going to make you more and more depressed. But if your friends take you to a bar to drink some beers, play some pool and watch the game, and you spend the evening joking around and reminiscing about who you dated in high school (or basically any subject that isn’t related to your work and lack of promotion), you’re going to begin to feel better. Why? Because you’re accessing thoughts of a higher vibration.
If you think about thoughts that are completely unrelated to your problem and which don’t trigger any thoughts about it, you’ll be able to access higher frequencies, which will feel better. Keep focusing on those higher frequency thoughts and your overall vibration will begin to rise and stabilize. Do this consistently and you’ll quickly and easily get out of your funk.
Now I know that many of us believe that if we don’t spend time on the subject, thinking it through and desperately searching for solutions, we’ll never make progress. How can I ask you to just ignore the fact that you didn’t get a promotion? Don’t you have to react to that? Don’t you have to plan your future and figure out what you’re going to do next? If you just ignore it, if you don’t beat this subject into the ground and get clarity, nothing will ever change right? Wrong.
As long as thinking about your promotion makes you feel awful, stay off of this subject. All you’re doing is lowering your vibration, which will attract more and more bad feeling things into your life. Is that really what you want? Get into a higher vibrational state by distracting yourself with better feeling thoughts and stay there until you’re stable.
The activities which can distract us are infinite in number, but here a few simple ones to get you started:
- Go for a walk. Walking can really clear your head and get your thoughts going into a different direction. I often take a walk, especially when I feel stuck. It really gets the energy moving again.
- Play a video game. Video games can focus all our attention onto a neutral subject. While you’re playing the game, it’s hard to mull over your issues. Just twenty minutes of mindless fun can reset your energy.
- Take a nap. When you sleep, your vibration rises. If you’re really depressed and it’s hard to find a distraction, take a nap and try again.
- Exercise. Do some Yoga, go for a run, lift some weights or run after your kids. Any kind of physical activity can really take your mind off your problems for a bit.
- Listen to uplifting music. Music can definitely change your mood and get your thoughts going into a different direction.
- Meditate. Meditation quiets the mind and raises your vibration which gives you access to more positive thoughts.
- Have sex. If this doesn’t distract you, you’re doing it wrong. 😉
- Get drunk. No, I’m not kidding. If you enjoy alcohol, getting your buzz on is a time tested method of distraction (unless you’re a depressed drunk, that is). Inebriation also temporarily lowers resistance and allows your vibration to artificially rise. It won’t lead you to enlightenment, but it can certainly temporarily distract you. Don’t overdo it, though, otherwise the hangover will put you in a funk of its own.
- Do something nice for yourself, like getting a massage, facial, manicure or whatever. Being nice to yourself will put you in a very different vibrational state.
Tackle the problem from a high vibrational state
Don’t even go near your problem until you well and truly feel better. Then, and only then, tentatively bring in thoughts about your job and try to shift your vibration. If you tackle the issue from a stable, higher vibrational state, you’ll have access to the frequencies of thoughts and solutions that you couldn’t see when you were in your funk. From this better feeling place, you will be able to shift your thoughts and beliefs. You will be able to see a much more positive point of view, and believe that it’s actually possible. You can’t make this shift when you’re in a low vibration, but you can when you’re tackling it from good feeling place.
It’s all about perspective
You can’t lower your vibration and then expect to be able to wrestle that frequency to a higher place. That’s not how it works. But you can use a different subject, one that already puts you into a higher vibrational state and then reach down and pull that lower frequency up. It’s like standing on the balcony of the first floor of a building and trying to throw a heavy box up to the tenth floor. Wouldn’t it be much easier to let go of the box, go to the tenth floor and then pull the box up from the first floor using a rope? In other words, you can’t use a subject that makes you feel bad and feel better while focusing on that subject. But you can use completely unrelated thoughts to make yourself feel better and then bring those problem thoughts up to your level.
The goal is to feel better
Being in a funk sucks. And even thought we know that it’s inevitable and doesn’t represent any kind of failure on our part when we’re feeling good, while in the funk, we just feel like crap. The trick is to stop trying to feel better about the issue that depressed us in the first place and just go and do something else. Once we feel better, the solutions to the original problem will become evident. So, the next time you find yourself sinking into that pit, just remember that your goal isn’t to fix all your issues, or to be perfect. Your only goal is to feel better. Period. So just go do that any way you can, and your problems will take on a whole different and much, much smaller dimension.
You are not one bit annoying. Maybe 10 years ago happy people made me sick. I couldn’t stand them. It was like having holy water thrown right in my face. 🙂 Now it looks like a ray of hope. I’m just close enough to see it and therefore no longer enraging.
I wonder if being in an intensely high vibration place like the mountains would come up as anxiety for someone in a low vibration?
Possibly Alice, but not because of their vibration. Nature can handle a huge range of vibrations and it tends to even us out no matter where we are. It’s a slow moving vibration, gentle and soft, not in your face.
The thing I’ve noticed is that the stillness and boredom get to people, though. They can’t handle being alone with their thoughts. Resistance comes up to be released and they get scared of that. They want their distractions back, so they don’t have to deal with the stuff that’s bothering them. That keeps people stuck right where they are.
I feel a bit guilty (I know it’s like I didn’t hear a thing about feeling good!) because you have given really good, thoughtful replies. You can sense my energy in some of them. But I can’t completely sense yours.
I can read your articles and they make sense. There’s some intellectual answer there but I don’t feel what’s the important essence- not much is absorbed.
I still walk away mostly empty handed- not because you didn’t give me anything- in fact there’s more there than I could ever expect a busy person to give.
I really do appreciate your answers. There’s nothing wrong with them. It’s my personal understanding.
It’s very important what you said about not trying to fix things. I’ve been doing that because there is some urgent pressure to get some things fixed else my situation will get worse.
I know that’s not the best focus. It’s also making me tired and keeping me stuck.
I just don’t know anything else.
Your answers have been great. Thank you very much for them.
You’re welcome Alice. Keep reading and listening if you still want to. It does sink in. I was in a very dark place myself a few years ago. It was very hard for me to deal with a situation in my life that I couldn’t make sense of. I withdrew and allowed myself to heal. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I just slept a lot and spaced out. I was basically in a kind of coma (not literally), unaware of anything going on around me. Then, after a few weeks, I started listening to some uplifting audios. I couldn’t focus enough to read, but I could listen. They were uncomfortable because their vibration was so high, but I just let them play. Sometimes I’d hear the words, sometimes I wouldn’t. But after a few weeks of that, I woke up. I started to get interested in things again. I started to feel better. And things started to change really quickly. Now, I’m one of the happiest people you’ll ever meet. Seriously, I’m totally annoying. 😉
Hang in there. You’re benefiting just by being here.
Huge happy shiny annoying puppy hugs,
This was a commonsense article. The benefit of being mostly unhappy for a decade is I know what to do when a generally happy person becomes upset. Distraction. they don’t need anything deeper than that. There’s no deep seeded problem. It’s a momentary disappointment or set back or sad event. They can get over this by reminding them of all the good things going on in the other sectors of their life.
What I don’t know about is when there is long-term funk in multiple or all areas of the persons life. Where do they look then? Where are the friends that don’t exist?
I’m a little late to the party with this blog post, but I really enjoyed it. It calls to mind Einstein’s quote- Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them (Not sure this is an exact quote)
It’s also good to get some validation that sex, drinking and sleeping are perfectly legitimate ways to feel better (in moderate doses). I’ve been trying to tell people that for the longest time,they just didn’t believe me! lol Thanks for the great post Melody!
No worries! Your timing is perfect. 🙂
If people don’t believe you, send them to this post. Or, you know, get them drunk and have sex with them and ask them how they feel. He, he. 😆
[…] Melody from Deliberate Receiving […]
Really great advice, I feel the most important point you made, and what works for me, was looking at a situation in the sense that, “I’m just not a vibrational match.” When I tell myself this it is easier for me to understand why something didn’t go the way I thought it should.
Thanks Todd. I find, looking at things in terms of energy often helps me to get the perspective I need.
I liked this blog ;)##)
Just the term FUNK is a great way to express the full bag of emotions you feel when you not only lose a promotion but are asked to step down from your position and are now non-employed! I related to your reverence of pulling up your bad feeling only when you are at a better vibration period of time. I have simply been calling it “good days, bad days” but now I realized it’s just me being able to digest the funk in my life just a little better when I have working on my own personal development and getting positive healthy results.
I guess I must thank my BFF for dragging me to spinning classes with her. They did save my life or at least bring me up a few floors!
Your BFF sounds like she’s really got it figured out! 🙂 I’d listen to that girl, if I were you… LOL.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Excellent post, Melody. Much wisdom here. Thanks for sharing!
Reaching for a higher vibration-feeling (or frequency) by taking a mini ‘excursion’ away from one’s current (downer) focus works wonders in a variety of realms, including brainstorming and ideation sessions. Yes, it can be incredibly refreshing and uplifting.
The HeartMath folks in California share some excellent emotion-shifting techniques that work wonders for rising out of an emotional funk. And they believe the quickest way to connect with one’s heart’s virtues ~ which is inextricably linked with accessing better-feeling thoughts, emotions and energy ~ is by expressing and feeling gratitude (for anyone, any place or anything).
This aligns with Abraham-Hicks’ ‘rampage of appreciation’ but adds the spin of getting there FAST. The positive power of gratitude certainly appears to be boundless.
Many thanks for this gem!
Thanks for the awesome comment! I’m so glad you found your way here.
I couldn’t agree more. The vibration of gratitude is a really high one, but generally accessible. And what people don’t realize is that you don’t have to get into the place of gratitude on the subject that got us down. We can use any subject at all. When we get into the frequency of thankfulness, everything in our lives benefits.
It is my first time here and I like your blog 😉 One of the best ways to raise your vibration is by being in harmony. For example, if we don’t get the “thing” that we want, we could say to ourself, “something else that is better on its way to us.” The key is not to let it upset us and we do this by creating harmony with it. It is all about focus and the way we interpret situations. If we learn to depend on God and trust he brings the best for us, fear and doubt will get reduced. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Dia, welcome to the site! So very true. If you get into a place of positive expectation (which trusting in God would do), you’re going to steadily raise your vibration without really doing much else. Thanks for the great point.
This article came just in time! DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE! Thanks, Mel! 🙂
You’re so welcome Sophie! Thanks for stopping by again! 🙂
I’m in one right now…been wrestling with my website layout and coding! GRRRR!
I love your blog, though. It’s so helpful. The tip about the #1 mistake people make is right-on! I know that when I go make dinner in a few minutes, I’ll be able to come back to the issue and probably resolve it just because I shifted my energy.
Maybe I’ll clean the kitchen after dinner, so that it’ll be clean and I’ll feel better about that and lead into the work on the site! 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting on my post so I would see your “comment luv” link. I needed it today!
Thanks Steve! It’s so true. The best thing we can do when we’re stuck on a problem and getting frustrated is to walk away for a bit and reset our energy. And I know how you feel. I want to make a few changes to the site but keep putting it off because I know it will be a hassle And as long as I “know” this, I’m not touching a thing. Once I “know” it will be easy and smooth, I’ll get right in there. 🙂
Funks suck and we can’t do much about the situation at hand. When I get into a funk I tend to slow myself down and change directions. I will do something right-brained like drawing, gardening, writing etc.
Also when something unexpected happens to me I am reminded how important it is to keep our physical body in shape and also well rested. It’s easier to deal with disappointments when we keep ourselves energetically balanced through rest, exercise, and healthy, whole foods.
That’s a great point, Justin. Being stressed out or sleep deprived makes it harder to stabilize our vibration, that’s for sure. Thanks for adding this!
Excellent article! I could have really used this yesterday. For some reason, I was in an incredible funk and ate my way through it…which by the way didn’t help as I’m sure you know. 🙂 I couldn’t understand how I got in the funk and damn sure couldn’t see my way out until this morning after a good night’s sleep. It’s funny how those moments happen and it’s feels impossible to shake. Yet in the good times, you feel like you are on top of the world and couldn’t imagine not being able to raise your vibration whenever you need to. This school of life is absolutely incredible…I wouldn’t change a thing!
Thanks Kim! I know, the hardest part for me is not having access to the same thoughts when I’m in a funk. It makes it all the harder to get out of one. That’s why changing the subject helps so much. 🙂