This post was inspired by a good friend of mine, who requested that I write a post and clarify why people feel the need to take drugs. I’ve been hesitating a bit, because this is such a sensitive topic, but the subject won’t leave me alone (some posts just want to be written). So, I’d like to offer this disclaimer before I start: What I’m offering here is the point of view that I most resonate with. You do not have to agree with me. If you have made your decision about how you feel about drugs and all things related, and you’re happy with your point of view, that’s great. But for those who still struggle to find a better feeling thought on this volatile subject, perhaps this perspective can offer some relief (or help to clarify your own perspective a little more…) There, I’ve disclaimered you. So, you know, keep the hate mail to a minimum. 😉
Why people take drugs
Everything we humans do, we do in the pursuit of feeling better. Some of us drink alcohol, some of us medicate with food, some swallow prescription pills, some light up a cigarette, and some shoot heroin. These are all behaviors aimed at achieving the same result: relief from discomfort or pain. Because here’s the dirty little secret: Taking drugs feels good. There, I got that out of the way right from the top. Queue the outrage. People don’t get drunk because they love the taste. They do it because it feels good to escape from everyday life. Harder drugs have the same effect, only to a much greater extent.
As I pointed out in my last post, Why We Fall For Weight Loss Scams, when we’re running away from pain, from thoughts about ourselves that feel awful, we’ll do completely irrational things in order to escape it, including buying miracle pills and useless exercise equipment. This same principle leads people to all kinds of destructive behavior.
When we’re in pain, when our daily lives are filled with thoughts that cause us to suffer, we’ll do just about anything to escape that. And drugs (as well as alcohol, pills, cigarettes, food, etc.) are quite effective in that department. Being drunk or high does lower your resistance – it clears the mind and temporarily loosens the grip of all the stuff we’re holding on to, all the ugly beliefs that weigh us down, and allows us to feel a higher vibration. And that feels good. This is what people are after when they take any kind of substance that chemically alters their state: relief from the thoughts that are causing them pain. This is the real “high” that people are chasing.
What’s really happening
When we take drugs (I’m just going to use drugs as a collective term for all kinds of addictions), the resistance we hold on to falls away. Our vibration is allowed to rise and we feel better. So, what’s the problem? Isn’t that the goal? Isn’t this very site filled with techniques and encouragement to always find a better feeling place? It is, but the difference is that when you deliberately raise your vibration, you permanently change its level. When you meditate, for example, you release resistance, raise your vibration and feel better. Every time you meditate, you raise your vibration a little more and over time, even if you think bad feeling thoughts again, you will never go quite as low as you were before you started with meditation. You’d have to make a deliberate attempt to feel bad.
When you artificially release resistance with drugs or alcohol, the resistance is released and your vibration is raised temporarily. After the high wears off, you come crashing down to your old vibration. Only, now that you’ve tasted a higher frequency, which feels so much better, the place you started feels even worse in comparison. And then, when you begin to focus on how badly you feel, and add guilt and shame about taking the drugs to the mix, you actually drive your vibration into an even lower place. This, of course, causes you to chase that better feeling with even more desperation, and thus, the addictive cycle begins.
Why the Drug War doesn’t work
I personally think the drug war and its approach is an utter failure and should be abandoned. I don’t voice that stance very often, because it causes a lot of people to automatically assume that I therefore support packing heroin into lunch boxes and handing them out at preschools, as if those were the only two viable options. “You’re either against drugs or you’re for them.” I’m sorry to disappoint, but I have a different view. I’m not against drugs. From my point of view, anyone who’s ever gotten drunk, medicated their kids or swallows handfuls of prescription drugs, can’t take a black and white view against drugs without being a huge hypocrite. I’m not saying that we should flood the streets with cocaine (and just for the record, I’m totally against the whole heroin in lunch boxes thing), but I truly don’t think that drugs are the problem – they are a symptom.
The drug war is based on the premise that if we just push hard enough against something, it will eventually go away. But once we understand how the law of attraction works – whatever we focus on positively or negatively, increases, we can see why this approach has only made the problem worse in so many ways. More and more people are addicted to harder and harder drugs, more crime has been committed and created, more prisons have had to be built, more, more, more of everything we don’t want. Isn’t it time to maybe change our approach?
But what about the children?
Whenever anyone offers any kind of criticism about the drug war, the first argument that’s thrown at them is that if we don’t keep fighting, all of our children will end up dying of overdoses. As if the only thing that’s keeping our kids off drugs is the fact that drugs are illegal. Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here it is: if your kids want drugs, they can get them. Anytime, anywhere, small town, big city, right now, today. If your kids aren’t taking drugs, it’s not because they’re afraid of the law, or of losing their teeth or of ending up as prostitutes. They’ve seen the posters and heard the warnings, but when you’re desperate, you don’t care about the consequences and anyone who’s ever stood in front of the refrigerator at three in the morning, scarfing chocolate cake and hating themselves for it can attest to that. If your kids aren’t taking drugs, it’s because they’ve learned different coping mechanisms that allow them to feel good. Peer pressure only works if they’re already susceptible. If they’re not taking drugs, it’s because they don’t need them, period.
Don’t demonize the symptom
I don’t judge people who take drugs. People who take drugs, especially hard drugs, but also pharmaceuticals and alcohol to excess, etc., are always in a lot of pain. You don’t self-medicate to that extent if you love your life. You have no need to. There has to be a sense of desperation there, even if the individual isn’t consciously aware of what exactly is causing their pain.
No one chooses to be addicted to drugs.
People choose to avoid pain and to run away from discomfort. They choose to feel better. The addiction and all the damage that goes along with it is an unfortunate consequence, the price of admission if you will, but it’s never the goal. And everything, EVERYTHING, the addict does in pursuit of that next hit – that next bit of relief, is only done out of a desperate need to feel better.
The only reason that people choose to take drugs and accept the consequences that come with them (or any addictive behavior) is because they don’t see any alternative. When people understand how to achieve the same result and even better, without destroying themselves, without the crash, they gladly choose it.
So, what’s the solution? There are several energetically aligned things we could do to achieve our actual goal – to reduce drug (and other) addictions and all their consequences, and allow people to heal.
Stop Pushing Against Drugs And Begin Focusing On What We Really Want
Again, since we know that what we push against increases, it makes no sense to continue to demonize drugs. Anti-drug messages such as “Just Say No” and “Drugs Are Evil,” do nothing to actually decrease the issue. In fact, they may well give teenagers something more to rebel against.
What is it that we really want? We want to feel safe. We want people to be rational (dealing with drug crazed criminals is much scarier than dealing with someone who’s motivation we can relate to). We want our kids to grow up in a world where the biggest mistake they can make is to ditch school to go to the movies. We want our world to be a peaceful place.
This same principle applies if you’re for the legalization of drugs, by the way. Pushing against the government and the drug war isn’t going to achieve that goal, either. And what I feel is so interesting is that the goals I just mentioned apply to both sides of the fence. We all just want to make our world a safer, more peaceful place to live. When you dig down deep enough into people’s true motivations, you often find that both sides actually want the exact same thing.
So, first, we should figure out what we truly want, how we truly want to feel, and then take all action from that point of view. You’ll act very differently if you’re thinking “I want to be safe” instead of “I don’t want to be in danger.”
Education, but very differently
A lot of the current drug prevention approach is based on education, which is great. But any half-way open minded person who’s ever sat through a high school anti-drug presentation will tell you that it’s not hitting its mark. Teenagers and kids are not idiots. And thanks to the internet, they’ll catch you in a lie faster than you can speak it. And all it takes is one uncovered falsehood to negate everything that was said. So, building an education campaign around fear and false facts is never going to work (and it isn’t, is it?) So, why not tell the truth?
What we’re currently teaching:
Drugs are evil, period. They have no redeeming value. Don’t take them.
This goes out the window:
- The first time a teenager gets drunk and loves it.
- When you see Daddy drink a six pack while watching a game.
- If your medicine cabinet contains more than aspirin.
- If anyone in your family was a hippie or anything other than a nun. Actually, even then.
Let’s tell the truth:
Drugs feel good. Yes, I know it’s scary to admit that, because we think that kids will hear that and run right out to shoot up. But guess what? Any kid over 14 (or is it earlier now?) already knows that. By admitting it, we build credibility. Besides, I’m not done yet.
So yeah, drugs feel good. But it’s an artificial way of feeling good and the result is that after they wear off, you feel worse and worse every time. Drugs are one way to achieve the goal of feeling better, but they come with a pretty high price of admission (cue images of rotten teeth and prostitution. These can be a consequence, after all.) Even if it doesn’t come to those extremes, the good feeling never lasts and it isn’t real. This is where we can tell them about our personal experiences, which the “drugs are bad and I never inhaled” approach doesn’t allow for. If you’re being authentic, your kids, or whoever you’re talking to, will know it.
We can teach children what drugs really are – if they see a druggy, we can explain to them that this is a person in a great deal of pain, who doesn’t know how to feel better. We can then explain to them that they have the power to choose how they feel. This drug addict doesn’t know that. It’s a much more honest and open dialogue than simply stating “drugs are bad”.
We can choose to feel better in each moment, no matter how horrible the pain might seem. And if we do it deliberately, the change will last.
Vibrationally Aligned Drug Rehab:
I’d love to see rehab centers adopt a policy of explaining to addicts how their addiction came about. I don’t mean in terms of chemical dependency and genetic predisposition, but in terms of emotions and the drive that caused their addictive behavior (basically the first part of this article). Some rehab clinics are already beginning to adopt a part of this philosophy with great success. They speak in terms of psychology instead of vibration, but it’s the same message. Unfortunately, it’s not that many yet, and it certainly hasn’t spread to the penal system. Taking someone who’s in a great deal of pain and undoubtedly feeling powerless and locking them away, will do nothing but make them feel even more powerless and cause them to be in even greater pain. There is almost no way that these individuals won’t relapse immediately upon release. They don’t see any other choice.
No, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t restrain people who’ve committed violent drug related crimes. Our society isn’t nearly ready for that (once it is, there won’t be any more drug related crime). But I do think that adding a large portion of vibrationally aligned education and rehab to the mix would go a long way toward decreasing the recidivism rates. Because it isn’t the physical addiction that causes people to keep coming back to the monkey, it the emotional one.
Giving them an understanding of what the drugs did for them (raised their vibration), and how they can achieve the same goals without the incredibly high cost of admission, sends the message that they were truly doing the best they could, given what they knew (instead of that they’re broken, which only adds to the pain, making the problem worse). And once they know better, they can do better, and be more successful at achieving their goals.
Again, no one chooses to be a drug addict. The answer lies in presenting people with choices that they didn’t know existed and proving to them that these other options are viable. Simply telling people to stay off drugs because they’re bad isn’t going to work. It doesn’t solve the problem and it just adds to their guilt and self-hatred. Solve the problem, show people how to release their pain, help them to raise their vibration and to feel better, and they’ll have no reason take drugs.
You can be addicted to anything
We all have coping mechanisms. You can be addicted to food, to exercise, to marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, self-cutting, the list goes on and on. Depending on where you’re at, your coping mechanisms may carry a small or a higher price, but there’s always a cost. I’ve personally been addicted to food, exercise and smoking in my life. All three were destructive in their own way, yes even the exercise. Anything that becomes an obsession and begins to take over your life will cost you.
I can personally attest that simply taking away that coping mechanism (quitting smoking, going on a diet, quitting cold-turkey) does nothing to solve the actual problem – whatever it was we were looking for relief from. We’re still in pain, and without the coping mechanism, it builds and builds until finally we explode and fall off the wagon.
Addiction and destructive behavior are never the goal – they’re a byproduct. No one chooses to be addicted to a substance or anything else. What we actually become addicted to is the relief from the pain. At best, it’s a distraction, at worst, we achieve a chemically altered state where our problems cease to exist for a while. In neither case is the problem actually solved. But once we understand how to release the pain, and that we can do it without a price of admission, permanently and much more effectively than any drug every could, the desire for the coping mechanism, whatever it was, disappears.
I understand that this is a very sensitive subject, and as I stated from the get go, you can disagree with me. I have no problem with that, and I actually encourage you to share your views in the comments. Truly hateful or inflammatory statements, however, will be sent to Spam purgatory. It’s my intention to keep this a loving and non-judgmental space, and well, my house, my rules. 🙂
Melody!!!! This is the best article I have read yet from you! It has helped me understand my own addictive behaviors and the cause (pain), but the most important thing I gained from reading this is FORGIVENESS for my birth mom. She was a drug addict and her neglect and the abuse that stemmed from it led me to literally grow up in foster care. I am now a successful, Stanford educated woman creating my own family with a beautiful partner, etc, but I could never (until now) get past my mom making all those terrible choices which led to me being in foster care (which I hated until recently). I still hate the system, but I’m working to improve it. I digress, but really seeing how chasing the high was a way to escape pain, and the pain being unbearable leading to addiction is helping me forgive and release all my anger towards my mom. I now understand that it’s okay, and I don’t judge her (because I have been there with alcohol). And so I think I will call her today!
I do have a question, you said essentially, “if you know better you’ll do better?” My question is, do you do better automatically or eventually, or does resistance make that statement untrue for some people. Laughs out loud, because for me I know that when I exercise I feel better and less stressed, but lately I have been choosing to drink (to the point where it feels good if you know what I mean) instead of exercising. Like I’m literally sitting in bed with a glass of wine, whereas last Saturday I was exercising at this time. And I’m choosing not to exercise, and I don’t know why, do I want to feel bad?
Anywho, I am BEYOND grateful for you and this post. Hugs!!!
Do legal drugs or herbal replacements or herbal party drugs count? They supposedly don’t have the negative side effects. I’ve been tempted to raise my vibration with some herbal medicine but I’m afraid of bad side effects or something bad would happen.
As for focusing on what we don’t want/fighting. I agree that the war on drugs is ridiculous, makes things seedier, more guilt, more prison, a tyrannical forcing of people is never good.
However in Australia we had a HUGE fight against animal cruelty and it got great results. It was all over the news and people were in outrage and meat sales dropped. Live export got tempoarily banned and people had to step up and treat animals better.
The same with many other campaigns or even revolutions, wars, slave rebellions… these focus on what they don’t want but still got a great result.
Yes, those count. There’s nothing wrong with them. If you are inspired to take some, I would see it the same way as taking a pain killer or homeopathic remedy. Side effects are the core issue coming out in another way after it’s been suppressed and still not dealt with. So, if you take medication to feel better and then go on doing everything the same, you’ll get side effects. If you take medication to feel better but then address the underlying cause, you should be ok.
However, if you don’t feel safe or comfortable taking anything, even an aspirin, it’s not going to serve you. So, if you’re going to take something, make sure you’re ok with it first. 🙂
This really is a amazing write-up. Thanks for bothering to describe this all out for folks. It is a great help!
Thank you for your kind words, Oscar.
[…] original article: The Truth about Drug (and other) Addictions | Deliberate Receiving … Posts Related to The Truth about Drug (and other) Addictions | Deliberate Receiving … Get rid […]
Why people are dragged towards the prescription drugs more than ever before? The reason is obvious, easy availability of the prescription drugs. You can hardly find other drugs as easily as you can get hold of the prescription drugs. This is in fact that main reason people become addicted to prescription drugs beyond their control. In the blog of Findrxonline indicate that Addiction to any substance requires constant supply of the same product. This becomes little bit difficult when the drug is raw and not available openly in the market like the prescription drugs. Most of the times, no one will even doubt you when you buy the prescription drugs over and over again without presenting any particular prescription.
Thanks for your comment! I lump prescription drugs in with all other addictions. Many people think that if the drug comes from a doctor that being addicted to it isn’t the same as if you’re doing something illegal, as if the government’s seal of approval is what makes it ok… 😉
But really, if someone is immune to self-medicating because they already feel so good, it doesn’t matter if the drugs are widely available or not (just as if they really want drugs, they’ll get them even if the penalties are high). Fix the emotional issues and you’ll fix the demand, which creates the supply.
cant agree more melody
many of our bad habits result from our desire to escape instead of real addiction
thank you 😀
Thanks for stopping by Farouk. And you’re most welcome. 🙂
Flew over from Justin’s Site. Terrific stuff! I’m with you on stopping all these “wars” on things. The drug war may be the most ridiculous of all. We’re busting into other countries beating up drug lords when the people of the north are the customers. Even more absurd we’re fighting an “illegal” drug war spend billions of tax dollars, then up again over the border we’re pumping the defenseless elderly and children with “legal” drugs in the name of compliance (aka control.)
Kids don’t play any more so they’ve got lots of energy. At the same time our schooling model makes them sit for hours on end learning useless stuff. Those that act out get labeled and drugged. Doesn’t anyone want to free the kids from this?
I actually taught “drugs and society” awhile back and people used drugs without issue up until the drug enforcement started in the early 1900’s. If you look at primitive cultures they also use hallucinogenic drugs without problems.
In our culture, the most physically dangerous drug of all – alcohol – is promoted and taxed – and other drugs are banned. It makes little sense.
You’re so right it’s all hypocritical. Thx! G.
Welcome Giulietta! So nice to have you here!
I totally agree about the education system. But I have noticed that more and more parents are now waking up and taking their kids back off the meds, which is a wonderful trend. They realize that their the fear that their kids won’t be accepted, normal and successful, which caused them to be suckered into accepting the prescription in the first place, is unfounded. Perhaps having more outspoken, successful “weirdos” like us is helping in some small way, eh?
Hey Melody, This is a very interesting perspective by which I haven’t heard! I haven’t thought about it that way! As a student of the law of attraction and still learning about the law of attraction, it does a lot of make sense of how you explained the ways of when we are against war on drugs, it causes more war on drugs, and nothing will change! when we focus on people will change from drugs, then the situation will change, and they won’t have an interest on taking drugs! Yeah, it’s so true that so many people take drugs to get away from the problems in life! I really think that people take drugs because they don’t feel loved due to lack of affection or they feel that no body loves them, or by peer pressure of other people! ! Thanks melody for an intersting article!
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective Tyler. Hope to see you around more!
Phenomenal post – very much resonates with my own beliefs. The War on Drugs has failed because it is based on primarily coercion and fear tactics. It’s not seen as a health or education issue. I think explaining the issue to young people from a moderate/neutral point-of-view is important. We have to include both the benefits and costs, and teach individuals how to think critically about their decisions. When people act simply based on fear, they often rebel, and when they find things aren’t as bad as they were taught, they disregard EVERYTHING else they heard from anti-drug programs.
Being honest and sharing information is the only way we can solve drug abuse in the long-run. And even then, I don’t think it is desirable that ALL drug use gets eliminated. I think some drugs in moderation can be a net gain, but in order for people to make the correct decisions they need to be educated, not manipulated.
I also like how you included a section on “you can be addicted to anything.”I always find it ironic when people who are 100% anti-drugs become just as addicted to other things: TV, food, sex, movies with vampires, etc. It can often be just as unhealthy (maybe more-so from a psychological standpoint rather than a physical one – but damage is done nonetheless)
I think it’s useful to remember what Buddha taught us: all attachment can be a source of suffering. Being able to exercise a “middle way” – not being overly indulgent nor overly aversive – is usually the healthiest way to live life in most regards.
Thanks for the post!
thank you so much for your wonderful words and your fantastic and valuable comment.
I also think it’s ironic when people who are 100% anti-drugs don’t think twice about taking huge amounts of prescriptions medicine. 😉
Hi Melody. I came across your site via a comment you made on CYT. Got to say I really like your practical no-nonsense style. In terms of this post: it’s not really for me to judge others; it is however my instinctive desire to help. Quite often that means helping people change from an away (from pain)-motivation to a journey driven towards positives. That is easier said than done. I don’t necessarily agree that addiction is not a choice but I do agree that drugs and alchohol are primarily aimed at (stress) relief/ escape from ‘reality’. I also believe, very firmly, that all of this and all that we are and choose to do exists first in the mind. That is where reality is created. So, yes, education will help. But it is the persistence of the message that will eventually lead to real change. Thanks for sharing, Take care, Stephen
Welcome to Deliberate Receiving!
Sure, people choose to take drugs (I believe firmly in taking responsibility for one’s actions), but I don’t think anyone says “I want to be an addict.” One could argue that we inadvertently choose the consequences of our actions, though…
There are so many of us out there now, those who want to help from a place of non-judgment and without being condescending (as in, I know what’s best for you more so than you do…), and the numbers are growing all the time. Yay!
I’m looking forward to seeing you around some more.
You bet, Melody. Added you to my blogroll, hope you don’t mind 🙂
Big Hug for you! 🙂
Allow me to borrow your phrase from one of your comments on your last post. People have the microwave mentality, they want an easy fix for their pain. Unfortunately, many times their issues took years to develop but they want the quick fix to escape their troubles. Great post!
Thanks so much for stopping by Todd. It’s incredible the amount of solutions we dismiss because they take too long (i.e. aren’t instant). LOL
Hey Melody, I appreciate your perspective, and you make a lot of great great points. I will say, though, that I can’t completely agree with your point that when an addict returns to their drug of choice it’s not because of a physical addiction but an emotional one. In my view, it often starts as a way to alleviate emotional pain–right on–but with some drugs/some people it crosses the line into actual physical dependence. I’ve known quite a few heroin addicts, and they all definitely had a strong physical dependence, and lost quite a bit of their “will” to say no, compromising every value they ever had and sticking needles in places needles were never meant to go . . . That said, I hear ya and like your main points.
Thank you so much for pointing out this hole in my article! I didn’t actually mean to imply that physical addiction isn’t a factor or that it can’t be brutal. I know it can be. What I meant is that physical addiction can be overcome in a relatively short amount of time. Once the drug (or food) is out of your system, the body stops craving it. What drives an addict back to his drug of choice after 6 months of being clean isn’t the physical addiction. Some emotional trigger gets hit and the addict goes back to the only coping mechanism he knows.
Huge thanks for your valuable comment. 🙂
Thanks for your clarification Melody. I see now. Yes, I’m with ya and see it the same way.
Well Done Melody – I thought you did this so well, now we just need to get folks to listen..
Yes, we can be addicted to anything – hate for one…I used to have neighbors that did not believe in the Holocaust and would rant their hate out all over the place…what I found was that the Holocaust was their choice because it always made people respond and feed their need for more hate…..They have moved away because our neighborhood is too liberal and I think loving….the house is being cleansed by a couple who are peace activists.
I appreciate your sharing these words….and it makes me think about how when I am being in the pain in my meditation – I always try to jump out to get relief because I have so much trouble letting go and releasing…but without being in the pain there is no moving forward and recovery.
Wow, what a powerful story. It’s great that your neighborhood has such a high vibration that people who insist on holding on to their hate could not tolerate it. Bravo.
Often our fear of our issues is greater than the pain of dealing with them. One thing I’ve found is that when I have trouble letting go of something, in every case, I’m actually still pushing. That’s what’s causing the pain. Letting go just feels like floating in water. It feels like breathing. It’s not hard and it’s not painful. You might be experiencing the same thing. Hope that helps. 🙂
Excellent post! I love when you said ” Again, since we know that what we push against increases, it makes no sense to continue to demonize drugs.” This is so true. Actually, fighting against drugs and alcohol increased the use of drugs and alcohol. If we are against drugs, then we should focus on the opposite of those, such as health and taking care of our bodies among other things. It is just like money, if people fight poverty, they actually become poorer. Instead, they should focus on the education of becoming wealthier. In short, we should focus and study what we want, not what we don’t want. Great job Melody! I’m sure this post will help many people 🙂
Thanks so much Dia! I really appreciate your support. Looks like my fears about this “controversial” subject were completely unfounded. I have the best readers ever! 🙂
I agree your view,people never understand the root for cause, they try to trim,shape and cut the branches to relieve from the cause, it will again appear.Addiction makes feel good,it is dependent state, only if it is there good feeling will last, these conditional good being always creates problem.
Squarely teaching the truth, instead of educating the negatives surely will help the students.And addiction is the root cause of all the evil in the society.Especially alcoholism makes unproductive and very impotent in all aspects.
Thanks for your comment. It’s always a pleasure to hear from you.
I actually think that addiction is just as symptom, not the real cause. The cause is the negative vibrations, or focus on negative things. It’s no coincidence that the areas in the world with the most perceived powerlessness (not the most poverty or war) have the greatest number of addicts. The good news is, that there’s a way out. And I absolutely agree with you: get rid of the root cause and all the branches will fall. 🙂
I share the same views as you. It seems like all of the anti-anything campaigns only focus more attention on what it is that “they” do not want us to do.It is a mind job.
Once conscious people who consider the greater good of all begin to take over the war on “you name it” will no longer be. I believe that Wayne Dyer said, “What you fight, fights you.”
Thanks Justin. That’s the point that I think the most people have an issue with. We’re so conditioned to push against the things we don’t like, it feels like such a risk to stop. But I’ve seen the evidence of it in my own life. What we focus on, even if it’s in hate, grows. Every time.
Love your point of view on this topic. I like that the solution is so universal to all of our addictions…which is just to feel better, escape the pain… That is such a healthy approach that is makes you pause and really focus on what you really want. I can see you presenting this in live seminars and workshops. There are so many people who could benefit from your message because you come from an honest place of non-judgement.
Thanks for stepping out and posting this!
Wow Kim, thanks so much for your support! You’re such a star.
And you’re really welcome.
Thank you so much for this one, it certainly will help those who are ready to understand that the only thing they are searching for is in fact to feel better, and that there are other more effective ways to achieve that. Melody, this was a brilliant approach.
You’re so welcome Rui! I’m really glad you liked it! 🙂
Nothing that warrants hate mail here. 🙂
I tend to agree with you. The only thing is that I’m torn between thinking the things you mentioned, and sometimes thoughts that there’s a point where someone needs to take responsibility or needs some kind of “intervention”, etc.
I have a friend who’s addicted to sex, and it’s brought so much destruction into his life (disease, fucked up sleeping patterns and professional life, etc.). The thing is that he’s been a Buddhist for at least a decade and supposedly meditates a lot, raises his vibration, etc., etc. And YET: still addicted and using the same coping mechanism, same addiction. It doesn’t help that society and his environment doesn’t really seem to recognize sex addiction as a real addiction. He’s surrounded by “friends” who are just as self-destructive/addicted as he is.
After more than a decade of supposedly “rising his vibration” through meditation, isn’t there a time when he needs to freaking stop and take responsibility? If his meditation technique isn’t working, isn’t time for him to change his technique or something? lol We can’t forever look at him as the poor victim who can’t seem to change his ways.
As always, you raise some excellent points.
Just because someone meditates and raises their vibration, doesn’t mean they have no issues left. 😉 Lower frequencies that aren’t very active will automatically be raised when we work on our energy overall. But issues which are very active, require a bit more work.
Does your friend want to release his sex addiction? He may say he does, simply because that’s what’s expected, but may not really be ready to let it go. Often what we’re running from, particularly if we’re willing to go to an addiction for relief, looms like a big, scary monster, even if we’re not sure what it is. We don’t want to go anywhere near it.
I would suggest that if your friend is really ready to release this, he seek some help, like a therapist or coach. But he has to be ready, otherwise it won’t work. Even a skilled professional can’t force someone to face their issues.
Also, understanding why someone acts the way they do isn’t the same as seeing them as a victim. We all do the best we can, so is your friend, but you are always allowed to make a decision on whether or not you want to be around his behavior. If you don’t, try ignoring it. Don’t engage in any conversation about it. If visits with him make you feel bad, you may need to get away from him for a while. Enabling addicts only keeps them from feeling the full extent of the consequences of their actions, which can really draw out the recovery. Sometimes the best thing you can do, is leave them to it. Use your intuition, but remember, the most important thing for you, is that you feel good.
Wonderful article! As a mother of a teenager who I’m almost certain has experimented with drugs, I can now look at the situation in a much more productive manner. Just getting past the heart break of the situation has been difficult but now I see that we have bigger issues to confront, lovingly of course. Thank you!
You’re so welcome. Thank you for your kind response. I do want to point out that there’s a huge difference between experimenting and addiction. Just as having a beer doesn’t automatically lead to full blown alcoholism, neither does trying a bit of weed automatically lead to drug addiction. So, that’s another factor – was it really just experimentation, or was it medication? In either case, having an open, honest and authentic conversation is always the best approach. 🙂
Hugs to you and your teen,