So, you’ve heard about this Law of Attraction stuff, and it sounds pretty good. We create our own reality. We can manifest anything we want. We are infinitely powerful creative beings here to experience the physical and have as much fun as possible. Wow. I can hear you now. That all sounds really great. But what about real world applications? Can the law of attraction bring me a house? A car? Or better yet, can it help me to find the love of my life?
Yes, yes and yes. Here’s how: (Note, the title of this article contains the word “girlfriend”, but these techniques will work for either gender. The law of attraction doesn’t discriminate. For the sake of continuity, however, I’m going to keep using the “Get a Girlfriend” theme.)
Throw out your Wish List
Do you have a list, either on actual paper or in your head, of “must haves” and “can’t haves”? Of course you do. We all do. Throw it out. I know, I know, that list contains the best and worst of all the women you’ve ever met, going all the way back to the sandbox, but these requirements aren’t serving you. All they’re doing is blocking out all kinds of wonderful women based on some arbitrary criteria and that’s generally what these lists contain.
This doesn’t mean that you’re can’t have some preferences, in terms of characteristics you desire in a woman, but they should be very different from what you’ve been focusing on. We want to get down to basics, to the very core of what you want, whereas generally, when people make a list of non-negotiables, they’re based on very superficial things. What would a list like this look like?
For example, you might think that you absolutely could not get along with a woman who’s not a college graduate. But what you really want is a woman who challenges you intellectually and really “gets” you. Do you see how a woman without a college diploma could fit that bill? Your ideal girlfriend may be well read and well travelled, but didn’t have the opportunity (or the desire) to finish University.
Here are a few more core values you might want to consider:
- She’s attractive to you and you have tons of chemistry (instead of listing some arbitrary physical traits like blonde hair or big boobs.)
- She adores you just as much as you adore her.
- The two of you have a blast together (instead of listing that she MUST be into baseball, for example).
- She makes you feel amazing, sexy, strong, studly, intelligent, secure, protective, etc. (whatever’s important to you).
Do you notice a pattern? All of these core values come down to how they make you feel, instead of what she has to offer. Because what we’re all really looking for in a relationship is a certain feeling. We want to feel secure (they like us back) and attractive, we want to have fun together and be compatible, we want a person who “gets” us and who we “get” back. We want it to just click. Focus on how you want the woman to make you feel and how you want to feel about her and leave the details up to the Universe.
You’ve probably heard of visualizing before in conjunction with the Law of Attraction. But do you know what it’s really for? Most people think that the act of visualizing creates what you want. So the more you visualize, the faster your creation will arrive. That’s actually not true. Visualization is a tool to help you line up with the energy of what you’ve already created, which happens automatically when you want something. When you see something you want, it’s created for you. When you see something you don’t want, the Universe knows what you do want – its opposite – and it’s created for you. You’re creating all the time, by offering a vibration (a collection of frequencies made up of all the thoughts you think.) Creation isn’t the problem, it’s the receiving that we have to work on. And visualizing helps us to do that.
In order to receive what you want, you have to line up with its energy (actually, in order to receive what you don’t want, you have to line up with its energy, too, but this is about deliberate receiving). That means, you have to find the feeling that you’d have if you already had it. When you visualize, your vibration actually plays a part. It’s kind of a dry run for real life.
Let’s say your vibration, which is based on your beliefs and thoughts, is set at “women are cheaters.” Perhaps you’ve proven this to yourself by manifesting a cheating girlfriend in the past (note: the belief comes before the manifestation, not before. You did not form this belief because your girlfriend cheated, you attracted a cheating girlfriend because you had this belief.) Now, when you visualize about your perfect girlfriend, you’d think that you could easily see her as faithful. After all, it’s your fantasy, right? But your beliefs will begin to create your visualization, and before you know it, you’ll see her canoodling with the pizza guy. When you try to see her as completely faithful, the discord between that vision and your belief will become apparent – it will be uncomfortable for you. This is where you have to do some work.
Practice visualizing a girl that is faithful. It will be difficult at first, but as you keep at it, the law of attraction will help you. As you begin to think different thoughts, the LOA will bring you more and more thoughts like it and over just a short amount of time, it’ll get easier and easier to see this image of a faithful woman. When you reach the place where you can easily and comfortably visualize the kind of relationship you want, you’ve actually changed your belief. You’ve shifted energy, and that means, you’re going to begin attracting a different kind of woman.
More things to look out for when visualizing:
- Be realistic. Fantasizing unrealistically is a sign of avoidance. If you have beliefs about women that are too uncomfortable for you to deal with, you may well imbue your “fantasy” woman with qualities that aren’t going to be possible in real life. She’s not going to be a millionaire playmate ninja who seduces you in the Grotto. If visualizing yourself talking to a real live woman with a normal job whom you might meet at the coffee shop is uncomfortable, you’ve got some beliefs in there to take care of.
- See yourself as you are now, not five years from now. If you can’t imagine the woman of your dreams falling in love with you unless you picture yourself as richer, better looking, taller or whatever, you have a belief that you’re not good enough to find your girlfriend right now. And guess what that will create? That’s right. A single you, right now. The girlfriend of your dreams will love you just the way you are, warts and all, but you have to be able to believe that before it can become real.
Fix your beliefs or fix yourself
If you’ve uncovered any limiting beliefs while visualizing, you can slowly and diligently shift your vibration by changing your visualizations. This WILL change your point of attraction – the energy that’s responsible for what you receive into your life.
But sometimes, it’s easier to change your behavior than to change your belief. If, for example, you live in your mother’s basement, and you have a strong belief that the girl of your dreams would never go out with a guy like that, then it might be easier to move out on your own than to change that belief. If there are things in your life that keep you from feeling good about yourself, you’ll have to either change the belief or change yourself. If you do neither, if you keep things the way they are, you will continue to get the results that you’re getting.
I’d like to point out that it’s not the action (moving out, losing weight, etc.) that will get you the girl. It’s the fact that you’re catering to your belief and getting rid of the discord that existed between the two beliefs – “I want a girlfriend” and “I can’t get a girlfriend as long as I…”
So, if you’ve been visualizing yourself as much better groomed while with your girlfriend, for example, don’t wait until you meet her. Get grooming now. You will either have to change your vision to match your current reality, or change your current reality to match your vision. In other words, if you’re a bit of a slob right now, you can visualize yourself living in a dirty house with a girlfriend who doesn’t mind, or you can clean your house now to match up with your vision of a relationship where she likes a tidy environment.
Feel good about being single
One of the surest ways to keep what you want from ever coming to you is to think “I’ll be happy when…”, as in “I’ll be happy when I get my girlfriend.” The law of attraction doesn’t work that way. You will get your girlfriend when you’re happy. I know, it’s not fair. You KNOW that you’d totally be happy if the Universe would just deliver some hot chick unto you. Nope. Not gonna happen.
You see, every time you think “I’ll be happy when I get a girlfriend,” what you’re sending out to the Universe is “I don’t have a girlfriend now.” And THAT’s the vibration that’s creating your reality.
In order to change your point of attraction, you’ll have to find a way to be happy with being single. Think of it this way: If you’re a miserable bastard (I’m exaggerating to make a point. At least I hope I am), and you meet your perfect girlfriend today, is she going to want you? Who wants to date a miserable bastard? Remember that you have to be a match to her as well. So, if you’ve been visualizing yourself as happy with her, you’re going to have to match that vision first (i.e. get happy) before the Universe can make that your reality.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to overhaul your life. Remember that you can always change your vibration by working on your visualization.
Look out for signs
Finally, look out for signs that your manifestation is on the way. As you align with the energy of what you want, you’ll begin to meet a different kind of woman. Now, some of them might come into your life in a non-girlfriend capacity. For example, you might meet a woman who you’re not attracted to at all, but who has many of the qualities you want. Don’t worry. She’s not the one. The Universe isn’t going to ask you to settle. What you’re getting is a precursor to your manifestation. The Universe is essentially saying “Like this? Like her? These qualities? More of this?” When these precursors show up, notice the qualities you like in them (instead of the stuff that’s still missing) and appreciate them. These are the qualities that you’re already a match to.
You might suddenly find yourself surrounded by awesome women, some of which will become your buddies. One of them might even seem perfect, but isn’t attracted to you. Again, consider them precursors and appreciate the qualities they’ll have that you like. Remember that one of the characteristics of your future girlfriend will be that she adores you. If a woman isn’t attracted to you, or has some other flaw, she’s not a complete match to you. She may have been a bit of a vibrational match, 5 points out of 10 for example, or even really close to what you want, like 9 out of 10, but The One will match 10 out of 10. You will both know it when you meet.
If you’ve met a 9 out of 10, someone who seems perfect for you, but for some reason it just didn’t work out, stay focused and stay happy. It’s a sign that you’re very, very close. If you begin to doubt and complain about how single you are, you’ll be moving away from what you want vibrationally just as you were about to receive it. This happens all the time. Continue to appreciate and feel good and the Universe MUST bring her to you. It’s absolute. That’s why they call it a law.
Great article, picturing what you want allows you to also feel like you deserve it, and knowing you deserve any given girl is a defining factor when it comes to keeping her!
How to get a girlfriend
Thanks Gary! When we feel like we don’t deserve our partner, we generally end up pushing them away. Great point!
Love your blog melody!
Thank you MitZy!
I’m so sorry I didn’t see this comment! Your visit here is very much appreciated.
Huge, double chocolate hugs for you!
Hey Melody–I like your insights here. Feeling good about being single–you mean it doesn’t help to project a dependent, needy, desperate, self?? Great point. Also, the importance of changing beliefs, but sometimes via changing our behavior–great insight. Thanks.
Thanks Sean! I really appreciate your kind words. The principles are the same every time: stop pushing against where you are right now, figure out the essence of what you truly want, and line up with the energy of that. And Bingo. If only we weren’t dealing with things like fear and desperation. It would all be so simple then… 😉
I read your guest post! Great Job Melody!
Thanks Keith! Really glad you liked it. 🙂