We love our celebrities. We love it when they rise out of nowhere and become “overnight successes”. We build them up, put them on a pedestal, make them our heroes. The actors, the musicians, the sports stars, the politicians, even some guy who took his shirt off on a reality show. Yes, we love to build them up. And then we love to tear them down. Because when it comes to our celebrities, it’s all or nothing. Either they meet all of our expectations (pretty or ugly), or they don’t, and off with their heads if they dare to disappoint us.
This post isn’t really about Tiger Woods (it did make for a catchy title, though), but more about our expectations, judgments and most importantly, our ability to define ourselves by our own standards. Everyone these days is screaming for positive role models. There just aren’t enough of them to go around. Those damn celebrities are failing to provide us with a blueprint. We need our positive role models, because we need someone to show us how to be.
We ask our sports stars to teach our kids how to be upstanding, moral and productive citizens. We make them responsible for instilling not only the hope and dreams of a better future, no matter where you come from, but also for teaching us how to handle the reality of those dreams in a responsible and morally upright manner. I have a question about that, though: What makes them qualified to do that? These are just people, with no more practice at being human than anyone else. They’ve managed to achieve something, often something pretty awesome, but how exactly does that make them responsible for becoming perfect in every way?
We take a basketball player from the inner city and make him a hero because of his athletic talent. Good for him. We praise him and feel proud when our kids tell us they want to be just like him. Just like him. And that’s where the problem starts. Suddenly, everything that basketball player does, on and off the court, is subject to our own, individual moral compass. So maybe, if this kid from the hood who suddenly finds himself with millions of dollars and in an overwhelming situation decides to buy a Ferrari and party a little, that’s ok. We can understand that. But God forbid he’s caught with drugs or a prostitute, well then, throw him to the wolves. He’s disappointed us. What are our children supposed to think? I mean, obviously, they want to be just like him, so, if he takes drugs and screws around, then they’ll think that’s ok. After all, they have no ability to think for themselves, right?
But it’s not just the kids. Hundreds of thousands of women and men were devastated and furious when the news about Tiger Woods’ infidelities came out. Furious. As if his actions had any effect whatsoever on them or their opinions about marriage. Did his cheating cause his fans’ marriages to fall apart? Did it have any bearing on his ability to play golf – the actual reason he was famous in the first place? No, it didn’t. I mean, I could understand it if his fame was due to him being the best married man alive. And yet, his popularity as a golfer suffered because of his actions.
Why do we do this? Why do we identify with celebrities to the point of forcing them to fit into our own, personal little picture of perfection? Here’s my theory: Most of us are terribly insecure. We grew up being trained to think that other people’s opinions of us are more valid than our own. So, if mommy or the teacher smiled at us and was pleased with us, we could feel good about ourselves. If they frowned or shouted, we were obviously bad, wrong or even broken. There was something wrong with us, and we felt bad about ourselves. Other people set the tone for how we feel about ourselves. And that leaves us with a constant desire to fit some kind of mold, the perfect mold, the one that will get us the acceptance we so desperately crave.
Enter the celebrity. We choose a star to emulate. They are good looking, successful, bigger than life and they get lots and lots of approval. We begin to identify with them. If only we could be more like that star. First, we wish we had their abilities, then we wish we had their lives (or at least the version of their lives we see, which by the way, have nothing to do with reality), and finally, we want to be just like them in every way. Because, if we can only be just like them, we can be happy, like they must surely be.
And that’s why we get so angry when they inevitably fail us (no one is perfect, especially when they’re being judged by someone else’s idea of perfection.) Their image, the very idea of them was our ticket to the good life. If we could emulate them, we’d get there too. They didn’t just mess up. They took away our freaking chance at happiness, damn it! Oh, and our kids’ chance at success and perfection as well, of course. Because who will they learn from if not our actors and athletes? How could they do this to us?! Bastards!
Sounds kind of ridiculous when I put it that way, doesn’t it? I’m sorry if I’ve burst anyone’s bubble (although, if I know my readers well, those bubbles go released long ago), but I just think it’s hilarious when people get so bent out of shape about the various misdemeanors of the stars.
What is a celebrity, really? A celebrity is a person who generally (yes, I know, not always) has some kind of incredible talent and has parlayed that talent into success and fame. They’re good at something, say, acting or playing baseball. They’ve worked hard, just like any other successful person. But guess what? That does not make them a better person than you. It does not make them a better human being. It does not qualify them to become the template for perfection. And asking them to fulfill that role is just unfair. How would you like it if you achieved some success, say, you landed a new, fat contract at work, and suddenly, everyone around you expected you to be perfect (and again, according to their own idea of perfection)? Would your personal life stand up to the scrutiny? Would you welcome the responsibility of becoming a role model? You’d most likely think it was ridiculous. After all, how does your success at work suddenly qualify you to be some kind of guru? It doesn’t.
By the way, this works with negative expectations, too. If a star comes out as a “rebel” or “bad boy/girl”, we ask them to fulfill our hedonistic fantasies. They give us permission to be free of the rules (something we intrinsically crave) and just be “ourselves”. The assumption, of course, if that we’re all degenerate, criminal, druggy whores at our very core and it’s only the positive role models and the law that keep us in check (but that’s another blog post altogether…) So these “negative” role models are now stuck with the job of being consistently shocking, and they’d better not turn out to be boring!
I’m not saying you shouldn’t follow celebrity gossip, if you like it. But there’s a huge difference between indulging in a guilty pleasure, and identifying it as such, and using the actions of people you’ve never met as an excuse to feel bad. They do something we like, we approve of them and feel good. Our world view is intact and we can continue to dream of one day being like them. But if they do something we disapprove of, our dream is shattered and we feel horrible. And then we blame them for our horrible feelings. Talk about giving away our power…
I honestly don’t care if Tiger Woods cheated on his wife. I don’t know the man. He’s not my friend, he’s not a family member, his actions don’t affect my life in any way. He could get is rocks off punching midgets for all I care.* I have no emotional reaction to what he does or doesn’t do, because I have no expectations of him. Why should I? If I think an actor is talented, I can admire that about him. I can even find him incredibly good looking. But I still don’t have any idea who he is, only what he does. And so, if I find out he’s a degenerate, does that mean I suddenly think less of his talent? If I enjoyed his work before this knowledge, would I suddenly decide I no longer like it? Van Gogh was a nut job, but I still admire his paintings…
The only one who can disappoint you is you. The only way anyone else can affect you emotionally, is if you let them. Stop letting them. Stop trying to appease the masses (who will NEVER be appeased) by tailoring your actions to what you think others want to see. Just figure out who you really are, strip away the masks and be your own damned role model. And that goes double if you have kids. Because who do you want showing them how to live? Some kid who admittedly has a lot of athletic talent, but who hasn’t even figured out who he is yet, and whom you have absolutely no control over anyway, or a connected parent who’s realized that the only thing that’s truly important is that we listen to our own inner voice and always, always, ALWAYS reach towards joy.
*legal disclaimer: I am not insinuating in any way that Tiger Woods actually punches midgets. Or that I have any knowledge about his “rocks”. Also, I don’t condone or encourage midget punching. Unless it’s consensual, of course. Then, you know, you go for it Tiger.
Maybe poor Tiger needed LOA to reduce his infuriatingly, overwhelming sex drive and his wifes’ possible lack of interest or much lower interest.
Such low interest creating low self-esteem and feelings of rejection and frustration.
I could imagine with all the cheating he did there was a HUGE physical or psychological need been left frustrated and people shouldn’t judge a person going mad with frustration.
That urge would also be a hinder to his game, so probably made things feel worse for him.
Can LOA reduce things normally viewed as “positive” like sex drive? Maybe then he wouldn’t want a hole in ten…Oh dear! 🙁
Hey Randy,
First of all, LOL.
Second, from an LOA perspective, I would not make it a goal to reduce the sex drive, per se. But rather to figure out what the underlying problem is that’s causing the need to find this kind of distraction or release. Whenever you see any kind of compulsive behavior, it’s a coping mechanism. The person has some kind of fear, something he’s not dealing with.
So, it’s not so much about lowing or suppressing the sex drive as it is about releasing whatever is causing the need to find validation through sex, or seek a connection in this way. And if such an individual healed that underlying fear, then the behavior would change. There would no longer be a compulsion. Would his sex drive go down? Not necessarily. But he would no longer be controlled by it.
I hope that’s helpful.
Huge hugs!
Melody
MY question–and please take it in the full LOA context of this discussion–is, as a successful 34-36 year-old athlete, WHY DID HE GET MARRIED? In the first place?
I’m a GlamGothRockGod, but I was a typical married-to-get-to-NYC musician/whore at 36 (1997, back when NYC still mattered in the now-defunct “music industry”). I wasn’t on the quantum precipice of stardom that modern technology (“indistingushable from magic” according to Arthur C. Clarke. ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ is one of my artistic inspirations) has brought me. And if I was half-along in my career standing then as he is now, there is no way in hell I would have been married. Not even to my favorite cellist who rejected me to go to Indiana U and New England Conservatory (NOW is the time for us to hook-up).
Hail to the groupies!
Ahahahaha Vallin. That’s great! I love your perspective.
It’s great that you know this about yourself. You wouldn’t get married if you weren’t ready. But not everyone is that self aware and some only figure out that they weren’t ready once they realize how unhappy they are. Our experiences help us to figure out who we are and what we want (and don’t want). Perhaps this whole experience showed Tiger that he’s simply not a one-woman man. Or perhaps he has some deep seeded issues he’s been trying to work out. Whatever. It’s really his own business though.
For the record, I’m pretty sure that if I were to suddenly become a rock and roll goddess, and had young, nubile men throwing themselves at me, I’d pretty much be the same as I am now: Quite willing to splash around in the sea of hotties, while staying open to finding that perfect island to settle down on. Ha.
Thanks for adding your great perspective here! I hope to hear more from you!
Hugs,
Melody
Thanks for the reply Melody, and Happy New Year! I sent my three favorite Facebook GF’s a link to your blog (with the note: “She is INTERESTING”). And that brings me to my point. After missing getting squashed under a falling WTC tower by 15 min’s (and then running and going to work that night), I re-evaluated MY values as opposed to those of family, community, friends, and media. The full effect of that rethink has taken ten years, but in the process I’ve discovered that I am Polyamorous (so was my ex-wife) and Bi-genderqueer. This considerably opens up my fan base and Attraction Field. And makes me much more similar to David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, and Madonna (major idols)!
Wow Vallin. Thank you so much for sharing the love!!! I really appreciate it. And what an awesome experience to have as a wake up call (I’ll bet it makes for a great story over a beer, he, he). You know what? I really think that the lines between gender roles aren’t the only ones to be getting blurry now. The lines between sexuality and even gender identity are, too. I was just discussing this with a friend the other day, who remarked that she was seeing a LOT of very young people now, who are quite androgynous, polyamorous and Bi-sexual. Very, very interesting development! 🙂
Huge hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
I don’t have much to add to the conversation about whether those with celebrity status have any type of role model responsibility. However I will say that I think you have found your calling. Drop everything else and just write legal disclaimers. That was a hoot!
Riley
Thanks Riley! I only starting to let my sense of humor come out to play a little on this blog. Can one mix humor with spirituality? I absolutely think so. I mean, who do we think invented humor anyway. But it does have the potential to put some people off who might otherwise benefit from the message, so I’m still feeling my way through it. Sometimes I put in little jokes just for me, though… 🙂
Hugs,
Melody
hello melody
how are you?
you’ve touched on an important subject and i think many of us need to be realistic about the expectations of celebrities.
although some have exceptional talents which make them stand out, they are as human as we are.
on the issue of positive role models i hold a very strong view(it’s slightly controversial in some circles) that parents, family, friends should serve as strong foundations for being role models and every other basketballer, movie star, golf player…. serves as another layer on top of the existing foundation.
with reference to throwing celebrities to the wolves, i think there’s a strong appetite for the pullhim/herdown syndrome with some members of the general public, a feeling of disappointment which is fair but the notion of perfection is faulty.
i agree with you when you outline insecurities, people pleasing(within this context),a lack of authenticy contribute how we react when a celebrity errs.
should we condone such behaviours of course not. should we over react i doubt it
finally i think the take home line is ‘ the only one who can disappoint you is you’
take care and enjoy the rest of the day
Hi Ayo,
Thanks for stopping by! I’m doing extremely well, as always. 🙂
I do agree with you – parents and family should serve as role models (is that controversial?), but not in terms of being perfect, either. Just in terms of teaching kids how to follow their own guidance. And I think we need to give children a lot more credit than we often publicly do. Whenever I hear “the children” being used as a rationale for demonizing an artist, music, TV or anything else, I always wonder when children turned into brain dead zombies with no judgment of their own. I think they’re a lot smarter than they’re often given credit for. Also, celebrities only have as much power as we give them, and that’s something kids can learn from their parents, too…
Thanks for your valuable comment!
Hugs,
Melody
Nice post. I’m always grateful it’s not our job to judge others. It’s easy to when those in the limelight go through human folly on such grand levels, permeating print and electronic media. Love for being our own role models… openly, honestly, authentically and, hopefully, heart~fully.
Blessings
Hi Antonia,
thanks so much for your comment. That’s so true: it’s not our job to judge others, even ourselves. Judgment always leads to someone being the “loser”, when in fact, we’re all winners. If only we could all remember that. 🙂
Hugs,
Melody
Hey Melody, this is very well put. Ever heard of the “halo effect?” It’s our tendency to see someone as an “all-around good person” simply because they have a talent or skill in some area of their life. So even though marriage is unrelated to Tiger Woods golf game, we somehow expect him to be just as morally upstanding as his ability to score below par.
Obviously, as you point out, this is faulty thinking. Tiger Woods is no more skilled at being “human” than anyone else, and his talent has nothing to do with his overall character. We have to be extra cautious of creating false idols. Woods may be good to model if you want to improve your golf game, but that is as far as the modeling should go.
When choosing role models, I find it is best to mix-and-match depending on characteristics. Zack Galifianakis may be good to model if you want to be more humorous, Justin Timberlake if you want to be a better dresser, Gandhi if you want to be a more upstanding citizen, and Jose Reyes if you want to be a better shortstop. People are COMPLEX beings (just as YOU are), so it is ridiculous to think that we can model our life completely after a few celebrities.
Look up to your role models wisely. 🙂
Hi Steven,
thank you so much for your valuable comment! You’re absolutely right. We can admire certain traits about people (famous or not), without deifying the whole person. I love that! Don’t just choose our role models wisely, look up to them wisely. Fantastic!
Hugs,
Melody
Melody,
The truth is the reason we see so much of the lives of celebrities in the media is because for some reason people flock to it. I just don’t understand why. Is our own lives so boring that we need to be consumed by what is going on in the lives of people who have wayyy more money than us. We live in a world with loose morals where bad judgement is awarded by more media coverage. I could care less about the lives of celebrities. I am more concerned about dealing with my own problems. Luckily I only have my wife to keep happy. Tiger was a busy man. 🙂 Fun post.
LOL Frank. Love it. I think the main problem is that many people are quite unhappy. They’ve forgotten that they’re supposed to feel good. And celebrities, with all their drama, provide a distraction. They also provide a fantasy – on the outside, as long as the camera is pointed at them, they seem happy. And everyone wants a piece of that…
Thanks so much for stopping by.
Hugs,
Melody
Within each of us are the longing for a hero over which we could look up to, but oftentimes we have forgotten that those we look up to are just like us–full of imperfections. While it is not a bad idea to find our role models, we must learn that we are also responsible for the kind of life that we live. 🙂
Hi Walter,
Thanks for your comment! You make such a great point – we have to take responsibility for our own feelings and how we behave. Using celebrities as scapegoats is easy. Your son got into drugs? Obviously it must be the band he was listening to, no? Let’s go after them and ignore the real problems of the world, the ones caused by us continually ignoring our inner voices and how we truly feel. Good stuff!
Hugs,
Melody
Dear Melody,
How are you, i felt in same way when you had your water heater problem, how come she can teach LOA without knowing and also on other side little happy she is also like me and others.
Yes, practically in everyday life i face this problem, not only with celebrity also with the common man with whom i had good respect. Some of their activity if dos’nt suit my perfection level, i cannot tolerate that and i dont like them even if they have some good quality.
My wishes to proceed your service.
Thank you
With regards
P.Murali Kannan
Hi Murali,
Wow, I hadn’t made that connection, but you’re absolutely right. Expecting perfectionism from myself is exactly the same issue as expecting it from someone else. Powerful stuff!!! The thing is, nobody’s perfect. And we don’t want to be. I imagine if I woke up one day with all the contrast in my life erased or “solved”. There would be nothing left for me to learn (I love learning), nothing to accomplish, nothing to strive for, no way to grow. It would be hell. We can’t feel that rush of energy when we come into alignment if we don’t get out of alignment every once in a while. And when we do come out of alignment, we forget a few things. And then we get the joy of remembering them.
It’s not all or nothing with our heroes. We can admire aspects of people, but we shouldn’t expect them to be 100% admirably or 100% detestable. Find those bits you like and resonate with and focus on those and let everything else go.
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
I am a live and let live kind of guy. People incarnate here on earth to be able to feel what it is like to be a unique expression of self. Not to be placed in box without any door to get out of.
Then we get the Puritan types that believe that if it feels good then it is bad for you. It’s easier to control miserable people than free people.
The hive mentality is slowly breaking away and I would like to get a closer look at how the law of attraction played it’s part in the Tiger Woods infidelity saga for all parties involved.
My role model is my higher-self and I opt to achieve being the highest, grandest version of myself that I can dream of.
I tell my son that everyone on television is an actor and that they are just pretending which is true in a sense.
Hi Justin,
It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall in that scenario and dissect how exactly it came about. If you find a way to do that, I’ll join you. He, he.
I love that: Your role model is your higher self.
And I think the message you’re giving your son is spot on. Being on television (or in the public eye) is what these people do. It’s who NOT who they are. In fact, many of them completely forget who they are when they start to listen to public opinion. They forget to stop playing pretend. Wonderful way of putting it.
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
I definitely resonated with your post especially the part about others’ opinion defining our lives. Wanting acceptance can be a difficult obstacle to overcome when it has been a prevalent theme in one’s life. It takes a lot of confidence and courage to do your own thing and be your own person in spite of what others may think.
You are absolutely right in that people should not put celebraties on a pedestal because of the brillance of their abilities. Underneath that many times is a very fragile human learning like the rest of us. The danger is that the pedestal status is harder on them because they feel obligated to be that imaginary image and when they don’t the conflict and tension leads to their own self destruction. Most are guilty of living out their fantasies, hopes and desires through others, be it celebraties or even their own children. Time for us to focus on our own stuff and allow others to be, learn and grow.
@ Cookie Clickyclick…if celebraties like Amy Whinehouse belive that their way of life is cool and fun, who are we to tell them how to communicate that to others. She doesn’t have to take responsibility for anyone else’s interpretation of her actions. Although, her lifestyle doesn’t match my path nor those around me, she doesn’t have to curtail her joy of drugs (or more so the feeling and the benefits she receives from it) for anyone. It is only our responsibilty to gravitate to what we vibrate with and that which moves us in the direction we want to go. It is our responsibiltiy to be the best version of ourselves and if that resonates with others and assists them on their path…beautiful.
Kim
Best. Comment. Ever.
Kim, I couldn’t have said it better myself. You really get this stuff! Yay! You make a really good point – people look for role models in many places and place these unrealistic expectations upon them, even their own kids. It’s all the same issue.
Thank you so much for your incredible comment.
Huge hugs,
Melody
YES. Tiger has no responsibility to live up to your or my expectations. In fact, why do we have those expectations in the first place? I loved your part about being your own role model, so true, I wish more people would get that message. Thanks for being the voice of reason, Melody 🙂
Thanks so much for your support Andrew! I’m really glad you resonated with my message.
Hugs,
Melody
Good post. I know that a lot of time because people are caught up in the television “programs” (Television program is programming the mind) that they buy into the illusion. There is so much more juiciness in life if people loved who they were on the inside, and let that inner part shine instead of expecting like you say “celebrities” to follow.
Hi Baker,
Celebrities are there to entertain us. It’s a valuable role in society. They can provide a distraction at worst, and uplift us at best. Just as all art has the power and has always had the power to do. They serve an important purpose in our world. BUT… that’s it. We should never abdicate responsibility for who we are and how we feel about ourselves to anyone.
Thanks for your comment!
Hugs,
Melody
Nice post. Cheating and that kind of stuff, happening in their private lives, I agree, it’s not our problem.
What I have a problem with is celebrities who don’t realize that with fame/exposure, comes responsibility, and go out of their way to make their destructive behaviors look glamourous. E.g.: Amy Whinehouse making it sound fun to be an addict and making a song about how she’s not gonna go to rehab. If she’s self-destructive, it’s her problem, but no need to make it sound fun and cool, there are millions of kids looking up to you, whether you like it or not.
PS: didn’t really like the midget joke for some reason; probably because I think many of them are already made fun of enough throughout their lives, are constantly reminded of their differences, and already feel ‘out of place’, no need to add to it on a public platform, if it’s not necessary.
Hi Cookie,
This is actually the exact point I was making: Celebrities have no responsibility to act one way or another. They are just people, like us, tying to figure it out. They have no more responsibility to be “better” human beings than anyone else. Besides, who decides what the standard is? Who decides what a good role model is? Everyone expects something different from people in the public eye, and if they start to pay attention to that, it begins to tear them apart. It’s an impossible task, trying to please everyone, and it would drive anyone to destruction. Ironically, the celebrities that have the highest approval ratings are the ones who’ve figured out who they are and have stopped catering to the masses. Look at Tom Hanks. He’s confident, secure, and just about everyone thinks he’s a nice guy. He didn’t find that place by worrying about what others thought.
And don’t worry. I don’t get offended when people don’t like my jokes. 🙂 Although your comment did get me thinking about pity, and how it really doesn’t serve us. There’s a future blog post in there.
Thanks for providing a platform for a bit more clarity Cookie.
Hugs,
Melody
I don’t advocate trying to please everyone. To me there’s a difference between “trying to please everyone” and going out of one’s way to make destructive behaviors look/sound fun. Celebrities are given a public platform, most of them asked for this platform, wanted to be famous, and I think they should take that into consideration. Although they’re not responsible for people’s problems, there’s no need to add to them.
I also feel that there’s a difference between “pity” and just choosing not to be unnecessarily hurtful on a public platform. If you were a comedian, or in a private conversation with friends, your friends would know that you don’t mean any harm, they know you well enough. I’m not saying that your joke was “morally” wrong.
It goes back to the responsibility part that we don’t seem agree on. I don’t believe people with a public platform have to be perfect, aren’t allowed to make mistakes or to live their lives as they please. Just saying that there’s no need to go out of one’s way to say things that could easily hurt people.
I agree, people shouldn’t look up to celebrities the way they do. But they do, so why not take that into consideration before writing a song about how fun addiction is?
Hi Cookie,
Who gets to make the decision on what is hurtful or not, though? Everything I write about is potentially offensive to someone out there. If I worried about that, I’d have to stop writing altogether. There are a lot of people who love Amy Winehouse’s music and adore her especially for her brazenness. Do they not get a vote?
We can’t control what celebrities or anyone else does, so if we allow their behavior to upset us, we’re giving away all of our power. We can choose to look away, though, from the things we don’t like. When people get really upset about celebrity behavior, they’re essentially asking the stars to change, so that that THEY can feel better. But again, who gets to set the standard? The star can’t change enough to please everyone (even though some try…), so who should they please? Isn’t it better and more possible to simply decide not to let others’ behavior dictate how we feel? We do have to option to simply not be offended.
I’m not trying to convince you here, Cookie. I really appreciate you for the clarity you’ve evoked on this post. Thank you so much.
Huge hugs,
Melody
In reply to your other answer below (the ‘reply’ button isn’t working there) : absolutely, all I can share here is how I feel about the topic. I’m very humble about the fact that my opinions and personal experiences are just that. Not some universal law that applies to everyone.
So I’m not saying that A. Whinehouse can’t do what she does, I’m just saying how I feel about some of the choices she makes (I’m not talking about her self-destructive ways, but about her decision to make them look “cool” in her songs). Agreed, no one gets to make the decision on what is appropriate / worth saying for us.
(disclaimer: I’m not writing the following with a sarcastic/hurtful tone, I’d rather make that clear, since written communication isn’t as obvious as talking in person the reason why I take the time to reply is because your blog resonates with me for the most part, so no bad intentions here, I just believe that talking about the parts I don’t like as much can be a way to address some of the potential shortcomings)
Although it seems that you often see criticism as another way to be sure that you still believe what you believed, every theory has its limits, and sometimes being the devil’s advocate just for the sake of making a point isn’t serving one’s cause. In my opinion, it mostly resonates with vulnerable people (e.g.: someone desperate for answers, struggling with obesity, etc.), and with the people who already think the same (fellow law of attraction bloggers searching to feel good about what they already convinced themselves of, etc.). But for the rest of us who are trying to look at this “without an agenda”, it can sometimes be a little bit of a turn off.
You’re talking about what should be (people shouldn’t look up to celebrities, thus it doesn’t matter to you if they spread their self-destructive ways in their songs), I’m talking about what is (people look up to celebrities). It makes sense, since a lot of your theory is based on saying that we should focus on how we want things to be, not on how they are. By the way, a question I have about this, (but that’s another story altogether), is: who says that the “law” of attraction is a law – i.e. applies to everyone and everything? Because you see it in your life and in other people’s life around you, how does that make it a universal law (so sure that you went as far as to suggest in another post that people who were born in “horrible” environments attracted this to themselves, before they were even born; an that if they have a hard time getting out of it, it’s because we teach “the new little humans that come in that our opinion is more important than their own, so that they can join us in our misery”; why didn’t they also attract parents that wouldn’t teach them those limiting beliefs)? Again, I’m not saying this in a “cocky” or hurtful way, I’m seriously and humbly encouraging you to ask yourself those questions.
And thanks for your blog, it’s inspired me to focus on the good things more. The concept of “law of attraction” resonates with me. And by the way, whether the “law of attraction” is real or not, I figure only good can come from focusing on what we want, as opposed to beating oneself up about what isn’t going right.
Hi Cookie,
You do ask some very good questions, and this blog is very much dedicated to answering those and more. What I’m doing here is offering a perspective – the perspective that has brought me a great deal of relief and joy. When I view the world through this lens, everything makes sense to me. I offer it here, not in hopes that everyone will agree with me, or be converted, or even because anyone “needs” to hear this. I offer this perspective as an answer to those who are asking questions. It’s not THE answer, it’s AN answer, and everyone gets to (and should) decide on a question by question basis if the answers I and others provide feel good to them or not. If an answer feels good, if it resonates with you, go with it. If it doesn’t, keep searching.
I cannot prove to you that the law of attraction is a law. All I can do is offer the explanations that make sense to me and many other teachers. If they don’t resonate with you, that’s fine. Just keep looking for the perspective that feels better to you. I do talk in terms of what “should” be, but it’s not just a bunch of theory to me. This is what I’m living for the most part (I’m not perfect). This is truly how I see my reality, not just how I wish I could see it. I don’t preach what I’m not willing to practice. But, of course, there was a time when I had to be willing to stop looking at what was, a very negative world for me at the time, and focus on what I wanted to see. A lot of that has now become reality. And this is the perspective that I write from.
I’m not sure I would consider your comments as criticism (at least I didn’t take them that way), but you’re right – when someone challenges my point of view, I use it to help me define my perspective even more clearly. That’s why I enjoy debates and discussion so much. But that’s very much part of my philosophy – that everything in my reality can potentially serve me, and that the fact that you’re challenging my point of view is a manifestation of sorts, just as my answers to you are a manifestation of yours (that’s co-creation). But I have no need for you to agree with me. It’s not my job to convince you of anything. My job, as I see it, is to offer this point of view, these answers, like spreading out a buffet. And then, those who resonate with those answers, those who will benefit from them by gaining more clarity or adopting a new point of view that makes them feel better, can find me.
I love that you’ve realized that it’s not an all or nothing scenario. You can resonate with some of this blog, but not others, and still benefit from both. The parts you resonate with, make you feel better. They support what you already know. The parts you don’t resonate with, also provide clarity in showing you what you don’t agree with, and if you think about it, why you don’t agree with it, which takes you closer to finding what you do believe. Either way, it’s all good.
Thank you again for being willing to play with me.
Hugs,
Melody
😉
That emoticon sucks, it doesn’t look like a wink lol Cheers!