Today’s video and blog are another response to a reader question. Cheryl wants to know:
If you can’t create in someone else’s reality, how can negative thoughts from others hinder you from attracting your goal? Example: you don’t want to share your goal of a new business with people who don’t believe in your goal, as the negative energy of theirs could delay it.
Also if a boy and a girl become attracted to each other, and the girl’s jealous sister, who wants him for herself, starts fixating on the guy and sending a lot of negative energy from the same house, etc., can that hinder the boy and girl getting together? Will they pick up on the bad vibe?
What she’s essentially asking is: Can the negative energy or vibration from another person, affect you? And the answer is Yes. But, and it’s a big BUT, only if you allow it. What do I mean by that?
How you allow others to affect your vibration
No one can create in your reality. And no one can affect your vibration unless you allow it. Now, you don’t have to do this consciously, because otherwise, it would obviously never happen, but you can do it passively. If you’re basically just reacting to what’s going on around you – good things happen in front of you and they put you in a good mood, bad things happen and you’re suddenly in a bad mood – and you’re not deliberately choosing to think or feel a certain way, then your vibration isn’t very stable and it can be affected by others without you even realizing it.
Have you ever been in a good mood and met up with someone, maybe a colleague at work, who started to complain and bitch about how crappy everything is, how it’s not getting better and how it’s just always going to be hell, etc.? Before you knew it, you were complaining right along with him, and you suddenly felt awful. Your good mood was ruined. Your non-stable vibration was affected by this person’s lower vibration and slid down to match his.
The Metaphor You’ll Never Forget
Let me paint a beautiful picture of what happens in these situations: There you are, walking along in your good mood. Then, you come upon your colleague who’s stuck in a pit of sewage. It’s horrible, stinky, nasty and he’s suffering. He’s complaining to you about how bad his situation is. And then, he reaches out his hand to you and pleads: “Come on in! Come and join me! It’s sucks in here but I’ll be so much happier if I have someone to suffer with.” And you, in your reaction-mode or perhaps in your compassion, say “Okay!”, and you jump into the sewage pit to commiserate with him. But now you’re both miserable in the stench, and you look at him and begin to blame him for the situation you’re in: “This is your fault! You asked me to jump in! You put me in a bad mood! You complained until I started to complain, too and now I’m in a bad mood.”
Except it’s not his fault. He didn’t pull you into the pit of sewage. You had to jump in of your own accord. No one can ever pull you into their pit. All they can do is call you in. You’re the one who actually has to take the leap.
However, you don’t ever have to join them. What you can do (and generally what you’ll want to do) instead, is to stay where you are, in your dry, clean, good-smelling spot, and call them out. “Come on out! I refuse to get into that pit of stink with you, NOTHING is worth feeling like that. But you can come out here. I will stay here in my good feeling place. If you want to talk to me, you have to come to where I am, to where it feels better.”
Let’s look at the business example
You have this amazing business idea. Your intuition is telling you that it’s a real winner and there are bells and whistles going off all over the place. Then, you make the mistake of telling your well-intentioned but somewhat misguided friend about your idea. And he, well-meaning guy that he is, proceeds to explain to you in great detail all the reasons why it won’t work. He gives you logical sounding reasons: The economy is in a slump. Do you really have the necessary skills to open a business? No one in your family has ever been an entrepreneur. Isn’t it better just to stay safe where you are, even if you’re not happy?
He gives you all of these BS reasons and essentially begins to spew his sewage all over you. Now, you have two choices: You can jump into his pit of sewage with him, and begin to think all of those awful feeling thoughts. Perhaps you’re NOT qualified, maybe you really will fail… Or, you can decide to stay in your good-feeling place. How do you do that?
First, you DECIDE TO FEEL GOOD. You decide to only think thoughts that feel good about this subject, and not be affected by anyone else’s opinion. That may mean walking away from people who want to engage you in negative conversation.
Now, if you don’t have a lot resistance going on within you around this subject, then just deciding to stay positive could well be enough to stabilize your vibration. But if you do have some underlying fears and limiting beliefs, then you’ll need to do a bit more work. In this case, the following will happen:
Your friend’s negative comments will begin to join the fearful energy that’s already there; their energy will add to the momentum of your limiting beliefs. And as that momentum builds, you’ll begin to slide into the pit, no matter what you do. The momentum is already in motion, and there’s not much you can do to stop it in that moment. Into the pit of sewage you go.
How to get out of the pit
This is not the time to do any work. This is not the time to try and release negative beliefs. Before you do anything else, get out of the damn pit. But you can’t get out of the pit using the subject that put you there. Why not? Because that would be like trying to climb out of this pit with nothing to hold on to, no ropes, boulders to get a foot or finger hold on, nothing. You’d basically just be trying to jump or leap out of a deep pit of sewage. That’s never going to work. You’ll need something to hold onto that you can use as leverage: And you can get that by switching subjects to something, anything, that already feels better. You can grab onto the higher vibration of a different subject and pull yourself out of the pit. You begin to feel better by thinking thoughts that already feel good, on a completely different subjectm and you do that until you feel well and truly better.
So, now that you’ve climbed out, cleaned yourself off, and you smell and feel better, you can turn around, look at the situation and figure out what thought triggered your descent into that pit. What thought was it that put you there? Then you can start to evaluate and find that thought and release it. In essence, what you’re doing when you release a negative belief is you’re finding a different perspective, a different way of looking at a situation and that feels better. And then you choose that new perspective over and over and over again, until that becomes your default reaction. You keep doing that until you’ve worked your way up to a thought that feels truly better. And once that thought becomes your default reaction, you’ve stabilized your vibration.
What would that look like in a real world situation?
When your friend begins to tell you why your business idea won’t work, you’ll either have no reaction to what he’s saying (it won’t concern you, because it won’t trigger any fears or beliefs you hold), or, you’ll realize that his words don’t feel that good to you (they are calling you into the pit), and you’ll firmly but politely tell him something like “I really appreciate your point of view and what you’re trying to do, but I just feel so good about this idea right now and I really just want to continue to talk about how fantastic it is, so that’s what I’m going to do.” And then you either walk away or you engage him in that conversation. If he’s anywhere near you vibrationally, he may reach up to meet you, which means the two of you will have this fantastic, positive conversation. However, if he’s not able to do that, if he can’t climb out of his pit of sewage, then you need to let him walk away,.
The Law of Attraction cannot keep the two of you together if you aren’t a vibrational match to each other. If you refuse to step into his pit and he won’t come out of it, you’re not going to be able to have that positive conversation. So, you have two choices: Allow him to gravitate away from you, and he might come and join you later (it really is his choice). Or you can feel sorry for your friend and step into his pit of despair with him. Why would you do that, though?
The boy, the girl and the jealous sister
The second part of Cheryl’s question actually speaks to the exact same issue. It’s only made more difficult by the fact that we’re talking about family. Because no one can push your buttons or trigger your fears and limiting beliefs the way that your family can. So, this girl really has her work cut out for her. But the fact remains that if she can control her thoughts, moods and vibration, whatever her sister does or thinks will have absolutely no effect.
So her sister is standing in front of her cauldron every night, sending negative vibes, making passive aggressive comments at dinner and leering at the boyfriend, etc. The girl has two choices: She can be affected by this vibration, which means that her underlying fears will be triggered. All these horrible thoughts, such as “Maybe I’m not good enough for him and he’ll leave me,” or “maybe my sister will be successful and she’ll steal him away”, will come up. And if she focuses on those and continues to think them then she’ll probably become very defensive and controlling around her boyfriend. She’ll turn into a psycho bitch and then he’ll leave her.
Or, every time she finds herself in the sewage pit and finds herself going a bit crazy, she can pull herself out of the pit, go back and evaluate what thought put her there, and clean up all those fears until whatever her sister says or does no longer gets a rise out of her. It just doesn’t affect her any longer, because she doesn’t for a second believe that her sister is actually a threat, that what her sister is saying is actually true, or that her sister can have any effect whatsoever on the situation. The relationship is between her and her boyfriend and that’s it. She’s in control of her own vibration. And if she can get truly stable in that vibration, then the Law of Attraction will not be able to bring her and her sister together when her sister is acting like a jealous cow. It will not be able to happen. But first the girl has to change her vibration and then her reality will change to match that vibration.
Related viewing: I actually made a video (not a VLOG) a few months ago, which explains the technicalities of how one person’s vibration can affect another (no sewage metaphor, though…) Check it out here: Can Other People’s Vibrations Affect You?
I was on you tube listening your”s good video spoiled with very weak translation in croatian subtitle, so if you need good translation in my language for this video or your blog ask me and for you I can make it much better for free
with best regards
I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that someone had translated my video into Croatian. I’m only offering it in English at the moment, but will keep your offer in mind for the future.
Huge hugs, and thank you,
Well yes it’s an accquired taste and takes years of training in the field of weird dance or just watch the Wiggles and Spongebob and you’ll get there.
The manifesting is pretty exciting. I gave a reply to Derreck in some other post about one experience with that on a train. I was able to get into a space and think of so many great things happening and I was almost crying with happiness just thinking of the possiblities if I had a life like my dreams.
It’s a few and far between even for me but when I can do it it’s pretty amazing to feel that hopeful. Even for a little while. Pretty hard to retain for a skeptic, depressed person- but can get there. 🙂
Society is pretty harsh on those child people. If someone was to let it all go- run outside in a sparkling g-string and just sing and dance and be happy-they’d get the white coats out- maybe charged for disturbing the peace. 😉 I’ve met them and had to admit I envied their audacity. They were completely sobre and had no boundaries or shame.
I also know this 50 year old guy that’s a cosplayer and has a ball in life. He had everything wonderful when I was lucky enough to spend a day with him. He just walked around laughing and joking and talking to every single person he met. He’s a person people either love or hate but he’s totally fine with himself and doesn’t care. He wears crazy outfits and has friends of all ages. People judge him all the time, call him crazy, say it’s weird his friends include young people- but he just loves people- all people he’s not some bad person. All we did was have some lunch and walk around and it was the best fun ever. He just made the world his playground. But unfortunately it’s hard for me to get into his life. He’s on a much higher vibe than me so I get gravitated out alot.
Melody the boxcar racer!
Don’t mind me. I’m just relieved. Woke up today for the first time without feeling like I was stabbed in the heart and filled with rocks. I’m not happy- but I don’t feel stabbed. Yeah, that happens sometimes and it’s great. Was dancing around like a little kid last night (in the privacy of my house), just shaking the worries out, being an air-o-plane and octopus and all that. Totally ridiculous but miss being silly. That’s something that’s been coming up for me my whole life I lament it- I really do miss my childhood. Years ago an anime actually helped me find some resistance. It was “boogiepop phantom” the episode was Poom-Poom. This kid with a red balloon took suicidal adults into an adandoned theme park where they could be children forever. It must have hit a nerve as it really got to me. All those movies where adults become young again make me use up half a tissue box! I know it’s a clue but can’t exactly put the finger on it.
Okay then. This is facinating. They most likely were insecure as they were a newbie shaman.
Hardest, most mind bending concept that’s on your site and in all of LOA- Being HAPPY BEFORE YOU GET STUFF. BECAUSE I WANT THE STUFF (IT’S NOT MATERIAL) TO BE HAPPY!
Well if this was possible WHY would we want the health, money or relationship? We could live as POWs’ and be perfectly happy if we really understood that level of mind-bliss. You’d be as ugly as a zombie, no friends, no money, no house, no sex or love- but have to be happy first to get all that stuff-pfft why would you want to?! You’d be a genius!
My god. If people were truly HAPPY FIRST they’d be a mind-in a-box/jar or some sick situation and still be happy.
Is health an exterior circumstance? Is walking in sunshine/nature relying on exterior circumstance? Even meditation would be relying on something first to be happy.
Forget the shamans- we’ve got Melody! 🙂
Congrats Alice! You should dance around every night.
There’s this huge belief in our society that we have to “grow up”, that we have to become “mature”, which is synonymous with becoming serious, not displaying emotions, and not playing anymore. It’s all bullshit.
Be silly, be child like, have fun, dance like an idiot who doesn’t care, and really enjoy yourself. You’re sad when you think you can’t. But you can! Those who try to stop you are just jealous, because they won’t allow themselves to just have fun. They don’t think they can. Show them they’re wrong.
Sure, POW’s could find happiness. They wouldn’t be POW’s for long, though. Your external circumstances have to morph to match your internal ones. And yes, it’s that easy. You want all that stuff because it’s fun. it’s fun to create. But really the feeling is more fun. the process of creation is the most fun. Seeing something come into your reality, knowing that you attracted it to yourself with your deliberate focus, that’s the bees’ knees!
So, you dance which makes you feel good and then hours later, you wake up feeling better. You didn’t wake up feeling better and then dance… Keep dancing chica. I have no idea how to do the octopus, but it sounds fab. 🙂
This blog reminds me of my own situation with a friend.
1) If you let someone affect you and tear down your happiness are you still right to get angry at them or creating the pit in the first place?
(despite supposedly jumping in there) Because I have a friend that does slightly more good for me than they do bad (this is why they are still my friend) but some douchebag behaviours because I think a) they get jealous of whatever relationship I have when it’s going well. b) They enjoy being slightly higher up and being the constant advice giver.
2) How do you change the relationship into a more equal and positive one without cutting off this person entirely?
3) What if you feel there are people in your life that don’t deserve to be your friend but you also feel you don’t have enough friends to be that picky?
Excellent post.Thanks for taking the time to write such a beautiful post.Negative thoughts of others can only influence on us if we are not so much confident about our own selves and we listen to others rather than believing on our selves.
It does take some practice to keep our vibration up around negative people. In the beginning, it’s often easier just to get away from them. But it really pays off in the end. 🙂
I agree with you Dia! Nobody can make you feel down unless you allow them to.
Great great video! Everything was well said and your point is well taken, Melody. Awesome posts! Keep it up! Inhale Love, Exhale Hate! ^_^ much much love! <3
Thanks so much Celine!
And welcome to Deliberate Receiving. Hope to see you around more. 🙂
HI Melody… loved the answers to the questions of our reader, Cheryl.
I, as you may have read, never share my goals with anybody. I go out of my way to avoid negativity.
Not only on the business end, but any end.
I find we really have to build walls around us, and ward off the negative vibes from others, otherwise, as you say, it’s so easy to fall into the …. ahem… sewage!
Loved to see you in action too!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do actually share my goals, but I’m careful who I share them with at each stage. I’m lucky to have some really supportive people in my life who get excited with me, even when I don’t have all the answers. The rest of the world has to wait to see what I manifest.
What’s sometimes equally hard is not sharing our own negative vibrations. When we just want complain, because we think it will make us feel better and we’re trying to pull someone else into our pit… 🙂
I will be back to study this, but I am going to take a week of relaxation and self focus to prepare for a family event next weekend where I do not want to allow the negative to permeate – I want to do the weekend out of love and “up”
I have just left a day and 1/2 adventure with some other family members who were so angry and negative, with smiling faces, that I found myself with my arms crossed the entire time to attempt to physically hold myself in my own place….
Family member have the capacity to still “shoot me in the foot” – and I get right back into being that abused child unless I truly “fix” myself and “Love” myself ahead of time
I enjoyed reading this and I want to come back and work it into some permanent fixes and brain re-framing for me Good Stuff Found HERE
No worries Patricia. The blog will be here when you’re ready. 🙂
Family is the true litmus test. You will always pick up the vibration on a subject where you last left it. So, if your relationship with a family member hasn’t progressed since you were a child or teenager, you go back to that same vibration when you meet them. The good news is that you can fix it. I am living proof. Fix the vibration and THEIR behavior will change. I wrote a post about this (when you’re ready): Why Being Around Your Family Turns You Into a 16-Year Old,
This whole post reminds me of an old riddle–why can’t Bodhisattva’s cut the read thread?
Answer: It’s the red thread between your legs.
Certainly, one doesn’t want to dive into a pit of sewage, unless you are into that. Scat diddly scat scat.
On the other hand, I have known people who “bliss out” like they are in heaven when they yet still remain on Earth. This does not go well either.
To have the highest vibration with your feet firmly on the ground is the ideal I think.
I’d agree that the goal isn’t to transcend the physical (to bliss out to the point where the physical ceases to exist), but rather to bliss out within the physical. That’s balance.
Another great analogy of the stinky pit! I have to admit that if any of my co-workers were in that pit, there they would stay:)
I agree though, that we allow other people to affect our energy. It can be especially difficult if these people are close to us like a partner or close relative.
No one affects us like family. But that can be a really good thing. Visiting my family is like a litmus test for me, every time. I see what I’ve cleaned up (if they can’t trigger a belief, it’s well and truly gone) and always discover something new to clean up (they will trigger something that no one else can). Over time, though, your whole energy around your family can change, which in turn, changes your relationship with them and the version of them you meet up with. Also, if you can make these shift with your family, you can make them with strangers any day. Our family are our most powerful teachers, if we’re willing to see them that way.
Great video. This is an important topic, and something I hadn’t considered directly. It all comes down to the title of your blog DELIBERATE choices. When you make a deliberate, conscious choice about how you want to feel, you become unstoppable. Your emotional power is 100% back in your hands. It’s not easy at first, but incredibly powerful.
As a side note, the pictures & captions you use make me laugh out loud every time.
Thank you so much! And yep, I also chose the website name *deliberately*. LOL.
So glad you like the captions. I do those mostly to amuse myself, but love it if I can make someone else laugh. I’m still trying to figure out how to integrate my weird (and yet wildly funny, at least according to me) sense of humor into my blogs without distracting from the message. I’ll get there, though. Caption by caption. 🙂
Fantastic vlog yet again, Melody! Looks like the vlogs are in full-gear now, eh? 😉
Great post, too. Love Cheryl’s question. This happens a lot at work I think. One guy’s upset with the “horrible boss”, and he starts a rant. Soon two, three, four, the whole division’s bitching about the same boss, usually blowing things out of proportion. I used to be one of those who got sucked in as well, until I realized how completely useless it was to do so, and how depressed I felt about my “sucky job” (which wasn’t so sucky) afterwards.
Glad I got out of that “sewage”. 😀
Exactly Derrek! It is so easy to get sucked in by a group of bitching people. That’s why I wanted to create a metaphor that tied something really nasty to the negative vibes that can seem so seductive. It’s not so inviting anymore when we suddenly see them stuck in a pit of smelly sewage, is it? 🙂
Thanks so much for your kind words. I do plan to focus heavily on video from now on, so expect many more to come. And I agree that the question was awesome (this is why I love fantastic questions!!) I’m sure a lot of people benefited from Cheryl’s willingness to ask it.
Hi melody, I love your pit metaphor! It is not always easy to fight negativity of others and it will influence you in one or another if you don’t have a conscious way to deal with. From the moment I understood this message until the moment I really am able to do it, some years have passed 🙂 As you say, minor negativity is rather easy to conquer, but severe negativity has to power to bring you down. For me, one of the consequence of this choice was that the people I am surrounded with has dramatically changed over the years. I don’t see negative friends and business colleagues too often anymore and the number of positive friends and business colleagues has increased.
So this small choice of refusing to step in the pit, has literally changed my life over the years in a great way.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your own story Marc! I’ve experienced the same thing in terms of negative people: The more unwilling I’ve become to put up with negativity (without pushing against it, that’ll slow this whole process down), the less negative people have been in my experience. They’ve just gravitated right out of my reality. Awesome. 🙂
I loved the subject question and the metaphor will be a great help in order for this LOA lesson to stick! I do have my own question or subject that I would love your input on. It’s sort of a twist on this issue of siblings pulling you into their sewer pit. The recurring problem in my family is the triangle that three sisters can accumulate. Of course one sister (Who’s the oldest and has more of life’s “baggage”) can be the one to constantly swim in her own sewer but it seems to be worse when she’s around us sisters. I’ve seen her with her other girlfriends and she has a different personality…or vibration as you would say. So, I know it is for me to not chose to move into her pit of negative but she definitely gets to my second sister who then calls me to complain about how down she is after sending some time with that pity party. I’m in the middle struggling with my own vibrations and now I need to support this other sister! OK, so this is easy to avoid in friendship relationships but I’m talking about siblings here. We live really close together caring for an aging parent so we have contact with each other at a minimum of twice a week. We have many conversations about how this sister does not see how much she is always exaggerating the truth and putting a negative twist to everything in her life but avoiding her is not an option and telling her to change her pooh-pooh attitude is not what siblings who love each other do.Believe me I tried that once and we didn’t talk to each other for three years. We have been taught to be accepting of all family members…and there are brothers too in this story but they are able to disregard her and change the conversation. I believe everyone lives in their own soap opera but why do some people like to dramatize themselves and always about themselves?!
Uff, ok, I think I’ll possibly need more than one blog post to answer this fully, but I’ll give it to you in a nutshell here:
Basically, you can resolve this issue with your family, but not with action. You have to take the time to line up your energy first, before ever having this conversation with your sisters. If you don’t, it turns ugly fast.
Here’s my advice: Spend some time, when you’re alone, changing your perspective on how you see your sisters and your relationship with them. Visualize how you want it to be until it feels good. You don’t have to change them. all you want to do is connect with them, as they really are, without all of their protective layers. Who they really are, are pure, positive energy beings, who don’t complain (they see no reason to), who are always positive (it’s the only true view) and who allow you and everyone else to be who they really are, too. There is no pushing against. So, when you visualize, send them love, appreciate them for their positive qualities and spend no energy at all on their negative traits. Make lists of what you love about them. Do this for a few days or even a couple of weeks. However long it takes to get to the point where you can look at your sisters without getting annoyed. What you’re doing is not only finding a new vibration, but stabilizing that vibration: you’re practicing for when you actually see them. When you do, keep practicing seeing them in this new, positive, loving light. You don’t have to try to convince them to become more positive. Line up your energy and you’ll elicit a different version of them – the Universe will no longer bring you together with bitchy, complaining them, but the good-natured, hopeful, positive them.
It all starts with you, though. Stop trying to take the “action” journey, where you try to convince them with conversation of how they should be, and do the energy work. If you go in there expecting a fight, you’ll get a fight. But don’t try to make these shifts while in their presence. Spend some real time shifting your energy around this when you’re alone. This is not a fight you have to win. Let go of your resistance, breathe, relax and allow a better feeling reality to come in. 🙂
I’m sure I’ll elaborate on the whole “family” issue in the near future. I’ll also do something about why some people seem to love the drama and to play the “victim” (drama around self is generally a way to get attention.)
Thanks for the awesome question!
This lesson took many years to get through to me. People that know me now don’t bother trying to bring me down because they know that all I will do is try to pull them out of the abyss.
It would be nice if this message could get through to the ones that like to drag us down, most likely they wouldn’t be open to receiving it.
Yeah… they probably won’t be able to hear it. But that’s ok. Because if you clean up your own vibration sufficiently, you won’t meet many people who aren’t ready to hear what you have to say or would drag you down. And I always try to remember that the message will get through to the negative nellies eventually. They have a guidance system and an inner being just like I do. It’s not up to me to determine the timing of when they should remember who they are… 🙂
These vlogs are coming along really great. I would agree with you that nobody can create in your reality, without you allowing it. It really is about moving into a proactive inspired vibration, versus reactive to what others are offering. It really is a choice that the individual person is consciously making and which vibration the person is deciding to be in.
Thanks! They’re definitely getting easier and faster to produce.
The key is in making it a conscious decision. For most people, it’s not…
Great stuff Melody… I enjoy your Vlogs, it helps the info sink in deeper. Its amazing how much focus and awareness it takes to stablize our vibration. All of the challenges that come along are great because we get a chance to see just what’s inside and what we need to work on. I look at situations so much more differently now than I used to prior to reading your blogs. I feel much more at ease and calm. I feel myself taking more responsibilty for everything that I encounter. You know right before I began viewing your vlog, I dropped my entire lunch on the floor (and I’m at work so I won’t be able to eat until dinner). But I cleaned it up and just figured..no biggie…I’ll just fast for awhile. This helped me not to let this ruin the rest of my day. I could have easily been in a bad mood, but I chose to stay calm, clean and collect. 🙂
Bravo on keeping your cool. It’s so easy to parlay little mishaps like that into a whole series of inconveniences that ruin the whole day.
And thanks so much for your kind words. I’m really glad that you’re benefiting from the blog. 🙂
Good to be back reading your excellent posts! 😉 Exactly, nothing can affect us if we don’t allow it to. This is why being aware of our thoughts is crucial. Also, once we realize that we do have a choice for how we feel, choosing to feel good will be only a matter of practice. If some one says something negative, then we can assign a purpose to this negative remark or change our interpretation. Great post Melody, thanks for sharing 🙂
Good to see you back Dia! And congrats again on your engagement!! And thank you so much for your kind words.