Today’s video and blog are another response to a reader question. Cheryl wants to know:

If you can’t create in someone else’s reality, how can negative thoughts from others hinder you from attracting your goal? Example: you don’t want to share your goal of a new business with people who don’t believe in your goal, as the negative energy of theirs could delay it.

Also if a boy and a girl become attracted to each other, and the girl’s jealous sister, who wants him for herself, starts fixating on the guy and sending a lot of negative energy from the same house, etc., can that hinder the boy and girl getting together? Will they pick up on the bad vibe?

What she’s essentially asking is: Can the negative energy or vibration from another person, affect you? And the answer is Yes. But, and it’s a big BUT, only if you allow it. What do I mean by that?

How you allow others to affect your vibration

No one can create in your reality. And no one can affect your vibration unless you allow it. Now, you don’t have to do this consciously, because otherwise, it would obviously never happen, but you can do it passively. If you’re basically just reacting to what’s going on around you – good things happen in front of you and they put you in a good mood, bad things happen and you’re suddenly in a bad mood – and you’re not deliberately choosing to think or feel a certain way, then your vibration isn’t very stable and it can be affected by others without you even realizing it.

Have you ever been in a good mood and met up with someone, maybe a colleague at work, who started to complain and bitch about how crappy everything is, how it’s not getting better and how it’s just always going to be hell, etc.? Before you knew it, you were complaining right along with him, and you suddenly felt awful. Your good mood was ruined. Your non-stable vibration was affected by this person’s lower vibration and slid down to match his.

The Metaphor You’ll Never Forget

Let me paint a beautiful picture of what happens in these situations: There you are, walking along in your good mood. Then, you come upon your colleague who’s stuck in a pit of sewage. It’s horrible, stinky, nasty and he’s suffering. He’s complaining to you about how bad his situation is. And then, he reaches out his hand to you and pleads: “Come on in! Come and join me! It’s sucks in here but I’ll be so much happier if I have someone to suffer with.” And you, in your reaction-mode or perhaps in your compassion, say “Okay!”, and you jump into the sewage pit to commiserate with him. But now you’re both miserable in the stench, and you look at him and begin to blame him for the situation you’re in: “This is your fault! You asked me to jump in! You put me in a bad mood! You complained until I started to complain, too and now I’m in a bad mood.”

Except it’s not his fault. He didn’t pull you into the pit of sewage. You had to jump in of your own accord. No one can ever pull you into their pit. All they can do is call you in. You’re the one who actually has to take the leap.

However, you don’t ever have to join them. What you can do (and generally what you’ll want to do) instead, is to stay where you are, in your dry, clean, good-smelling spot, and call them out. “Come on out! I refuse to get into that pit of stink with you, NOTHING is worth feeling like that. But you can come out here. I will stay here in my good feeling place. If you want to talk to me, you have to come to where I am, to where it feels better.”

Let’s look at the business example

You have this amazing business idea. Your intuition is telling you that it’s a real winner and there are bells and whistles going off all over the place. Then, you make the mistake of telling your well-intentioned but somewhat misguided friend about your idea. And he, well-meaning guy that he is, proceeds to explain to you in great detail all the reasons why it won’t work. He gives you logical sounding reasons: The economy is in a slump. Do you really have the necessary skills to open a business? No one in your family has ever been an entrepreneur. Isn’t it better just to stay safe where you are, even if you’re not happy?

He gives you all of these BS reasons and essentially begins to spew his sewage all over you. Now, you have two choices: You can jump into his pit of sewage with him, and begin to think all of those awful feeling thoughts. Perhaps you’re NOT qualified, maybe you really will fail… Or, you can decide to stay in your good-feeling place. How do you do that?

First, you DECIDE TO FEEL GOOD. You decide to only think thoughts that feel good about this subject, and not be affected by anyone else’s opinion. That may mean walking away from people who want to engage you in negative conversation.

Now, if you don’t have a lot resistance going on within you around this subject, then just deciding to stay positive could well be enough to stabilize your vibration. But if you do have some underlying fears and limiting beliefs, then you’ll need to do a bit more work. In this case, the following will happen:

Your friend’s negative comments will begin to join the fearful energy that’s already there; their energy will add to the momentum of your limiting beliefs. And as that momentum builds, you’ll begin to slide into the pit, no matter what you do. The momentum is already in motion, and there’s not much you can do to stop it in that moment. Into the pit of sewage you go.

How to get out of the pit

This is not the time to do any work. This is not the time to try and release negative beliefs. Before you do anything else, get out of the damn pit. But you can’t get out of the pit using the subject that put you there. Why not? Because that would be like trying to climb out of this pit with nothing to hold on to, no ropes, boulders to get a foot  or finger hold on, nothing. You’d basically just be trying to jump or leap out of a deep pit of sewage. That’s never going to work. You’ll need something to hold onto that you can use as leverage: And you can get that by switching subjects to something, anything, that already feels better. You can grab onto the higher vibration of a different subject and pull yourself out of the pit. You begin to feel better by thinking thoughts that already feel good, on a completely different subjectm and you do that until you feel well and truly better.

So, now that you’ve climbed out, cleaned yourself off, and you smell and feel better, you can turn around, look at the situation and figure out what thought triggered your descent into that pit. What thought was it that put you there? Then you can start to evaluate and find that thought and release it. In essence, what you’re doing when you release a negative belief is you’re finding a different perspective, a different way of looking at a situation and that feels better. And then you choose that new perspective over and over and over again, until that becomes your default reaction. You keep doing that until you’ve worked your way up to a thought that feels truly better. And once that thought becomes your default reaction, you’ve stabilized your vibration.

What would that look like in a real world situation?

When your friend begins to tell you why your business idea won’t work, you’ll either have no reaction to what he’s saying (it won’t concern you, because it won’t trigger any fears or beliefs you hold), or, you’ll realize that his words don’t feel that good to you (they are calling you into the pit), and you’ll firmly but politely tell him something like “I really appreciate your point of view and what you’re trying to do, but I just feel so good about this idea right now and I really just want to continue to talk about how fantastic it is, so that’s what I’m going to do.” And then you either walk away or you engage him in that conversation. If he’s anywhere near you vibrationally, he may reach up to meet you, which means the two of you will have this fantastic, positive conversation. However, if he’s not able to do that, if he can’t climb out of his pit of sewage, then you need to let him walk away,.

The Law of Attraction cannot keep the two of you together if you aren’t a vibrational match to each other. If you refuse to step into his pit and he won’t come out of it, you’re not going to be able to have that positive conversation. So, you have two choices: Allow him to gravitate away from you, and he might come and join you later (it really is his choice). Or you can feel sorry for your friend and step into his pit of despair with him. Why would you do that, though?

The boy, the girl and the jealous sister

The second part of Cheryl’s question actually speaks to the exact same issue. It’s only made more difficult by the fact that we’re talking about family. Because no one can push your buttons or trigger your fears and limiting beliefs the way that your family can. So, this girl really has her work cut out for her. But the fact remains that if she can control her thoughts, moods and vibration, whatever her sister does or thinks will have absolutely no effect.

So her sister is standing in front of her cauldron every night, sending negative vibes, making passive aggressive comments at dinner and leering at the boyfriend, etc. The girl has two choices: She can be affected by this vibration, which means that her underlying fears will be triggered. All these horrible thoughts, such as “Maybe I’m not good enough for him and he’ll leave me,” or “maybe my sister will be successful and she’ll steal him away”, will come up. And if she focuses on those and continues to think them then she’ll probably become very defensive and controlling around her boyfriend. She’ll turn into a psycho bitch and then he’ll leave her.

Or, every time she finds herself in the sewage pit and finds herself going a bit crazy, she can pull herself out of the pit, go back and evaluate what thought put her there, and clean up all those fears until whatever her sister says or does no longer gets a rise out of her. It just doesn’t affect her any longer, because she doesn’t for a second believe that her sister is actually a threat, that what her sister is saying is actually true, or that her sister can have any effect whatsoever on the situation. The relationship is between her and her boyfriend and that’s it. She’s in control of her own vibration. And if she can get truly stable in that vibration, then the Law of Attraction will not be able to bring her and her sister together when her sister is acting like a jealous cow. It will not be able to happen. But first the girl has to change her vibration and then her reality will change to match that vibration.

Related viewing: I actually made a video (not a VLOG) a few months ago, which explains the technicalities of how one person’s vibration can affect another (no sewage metaphor, though…) Check it out here: Can Other People’s Vibrations Affect You?