Raise your hand if you’ve had this experience: You’re walking down the street, perhaps in a bit of a hurry, and come up behind a couple. They’re walking several beats slower than you are and they’re taking up the entire sidewalk, so that you can’t get around them. You’re forced to slow down. You try everything short of actually shoving them out of the way to return to your natural pace but no can do. They are completely oblivious to your plight. They’re chatting away happily, moseying down the street as if they had all the time in the world. And suddenly, you’re filled with an irrational anger. You want to shout at them to “Move Damn it!!!” Can’t they see that you have places to go? Their time may not be important, but yours is. You get so angry, you actually want to punch these inconsiderate bastards in the back of the head. How dare they get in your way like that?
I see that all your hands are raised (I’m way powerful like that). We’ve all been there. We may justify this behavior by claiming that we were in a hurry, time is money, yadda yadda, but the truth is, we’ll get just as enraged when we’re at the mall on a Saturday and a slowpoke family blocks our way. The extra ten seconds it will now take us to get to The Gap are enough to give us homicidal fantasies. What the hell?
This isn’t about the ten extra seconds. It’s not about being in a hurry and having places to go. And it’s not about us all being homicidal maniacs deep down who are just a moseying mall walker away from causing a blood bath. It’s about an underlying belief. Period. Let’s break it down, shall we?
Instead of just telling you what the belief is, I think it’ll be a lot more beneficial for you if I take you through the process of discovery. This way, you can apply the same process to hunting down and releasing other limiting beliefs you may hold. Ready?
Anger is a response to powerlessness
Our first clue is in the emotional response we experience. In this case, when the slow moooooving (get it? -moo) pedestrians or drivers block our way, we feel anger or even rage. It’s not a logical or rational response and therefore we often push it away. We ignore it or squash it and just go on with our day. But, even though we would never actually hurt another person, the anger we felt was real.
Anger, just like any other negative emotion, is an indication that what you’re thinking at that moment, or what is being triggered by what you’re focusing upon, is not serving you. Period. And anger, specifically, is the emotional response we have to feeling powerless. Check out the Emotional Scale for a breakdown of how emotions rank against each other. Essentially, when we feel powerless, we move toward anger, which gives us back some of that power. It’s a necessary step toward feeling truly in control of our lives again. And rage, the fantasy (however fleeting) of hurting another, is simply an attempt to assert ourselves and feel better. The thought of gaining power over another feels a lot better than having no power at all.
The feeling of anger is completely natural, and having a brief daydream of punching someone in the head is nothing more than an indicator that there’s a limiting belief trying to get your attention. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it and it won’t lead to any deeper problems (like actual violence), unless it goes unnoticed. If you ignore the indicators of negative energy while continuing to trigger these beliefs, they will manifest in a bigger way until they get your attention. In some extreme cases, this can lead to violence. The underlying framework is the same, only the reaction has gotten more severe.
So, we’re not going to ignore the anger, but rather use it to help us ferret out the belief that’s causing all this trouble. We know that we’re looking for something that makes us feel powerless in some way.
Why do we care what others are doing?
What is it about this behavior of others that gets us so riled up? How is their behavior actually affecting us? What do their actions cause us to think about ourselves? I’d like to point out here that our underlying, limiting beliefs are not always logical or rational. So if you limit yourself to beliefs that make sense, instead of feeling your way through this, you’ll have a hard time recognizing the underlying cause. Stay as open minded as possible and pay attention to how each thought feels. When you hit on the root cause, you’ll feel a shift. You’ll just know that you’ve found what you’re looking for.
The question we want to ask ourselves is, “What is it about these people getting in my way that causes me to think of myself as powerless?” What qualities are we attributing to their behavior that underlines this point of view? What assumptions (rational or otherwise) are we making about these people?
Ask the right questions to find the underlying belief
Let’s explore our anger at having our progress hindered by the oblivious masses, presented in a coach/coachee format, for your consideration:
Why are you so angry? – Because they’re getting in my way!
What should they be doing instead? How would their behavior have to change to make you feel better? – They should see that I’m in a hurry and get out of my way. It’s called respect.
Do you feel that you are more important than they are? Is your time more valuable than theirs? They don’t even know you, but do you feel like they should notice you anyway and get out of your way? – Um, no, I’m not more important than them. I guess they have a right to be there, just like I do.
What is it about their behavior that makes you most angry? Is it that they refuse to get out of your way, or is it that they’re oblivious to your annoyance? – It’s definitely the obliviousness. When they don’t even notice that I’m stuck behind them, that really sets me off!
So, it’s the fact that they’re ignoring you that affects you the most. How does it make you feel when someone ignores you? – It feels awful! It’s like I don’t matter, like I’m not important.
And Bingo.
We just can’t stand to be ignored
Why would you, an important person with places to go and people to see be harboring a belief that you don’t matter (or don’t matter enough)? That just doesn’t make any sense! But remember that our beliefs often aren’t rational. You would’ve formed this belief at a time when it did make sense – often in childhood. And now, even though you logically “know better”, there’s a part of you that’s still holding on to and reacting to this thought.
When someone ignores you and you get angry, what you’re really doing is silently screaming “Notice me! I matter! Don’t you dare ignore me! I’m not invisible!” Society’s rules and the fact that you’re not a total nutter keep you from actually screaming those things or doing anything else to communicate your emotional state, except maybe to huff loudly and mumble under your breath as you finally squeeze by (or honk your horn, give the finger as you drive by, etc.). You deny these thoughts in the moment because, again, they don’t seem rational. You know that you matter. Right? You’re important… You have responsibility and people that depend on you.
But at some point in your life, a part of you decided that you weren’t enough. Perhaps someone ignored you and you decided that if you were better somehow, they’d pay attention to you. Maybe you failed to get recognition for something you worked really hard on and that really mattered to you. The point is, you came to the decision that you, not your actions, but you at your core, weren’t good enough. You weren’t important enough. You were less, somehow. And this ugly, little belief gets triggered whenever someone, even someone you don’t know and couldn’t care less about, refuses to pay attention to you. So, if you can’t get the waiter’s attention, you may get disproportionately annoyed. And should that person inconvenience you in some way while ignoring you, you can suddenly find yourself fantasizing about slapping a bitch. You are rebelling against a false feeling of insignificance.
Sometimes just knowing is enough
If this is a belief that doesn’t get triggered often, or in no other way, just knowing the root cause can be enough to shut this reaction down. If you find yourself prepping your pimp hand while walking behind someone, just stop and remind yourself why you’re getting angry. Acknowledge that you’re reacting from a place of powerlessness, but that these people’s behavior doesn’t actually have any bearing on how important or powerful you are. They don’t even know you. They’re not purposefully ignoring you, and you could easily be walking in front of someone and blocking their way without knowing it. Oh, I can hear you now: “That wouldn’t happen to me.” Um, by definition, how would you know?
If just being aware of the underlying cause isn’t enough to stop your anger cold, you’ll have to do a bit more work. You can use the Vibrational Ladder, or any number of techniques to help you shift your vibration. The goal is to get to the point where other people’s behavior no longer gets a rise out of you. Because the only way that anyone’s actions can upset you, is if you feel, even on some small level, that what you think they’re saying about you might actually be true. It’s this thought that you’re rebelling against, not their behavior. Stop that thought and you’ll eliminate the reaction.
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People walking along a path are perfectly entitled to walk at their own pace. They have the same right to walk along the path as you do. They might be oblivious to your need to pass. Everyone has their own thoughts and concerns. Threatening or using violence doesn’t help. If they are getting in your way, then you should only have to say excuse me, I’m in a hurry and need to pass, and any sensible person would move to give you enough room to pass.
Some people however do appear to deliberately put themselves in the way to block other people. I suppose this could be for several reasons. Perhaps they are looking for attention, or want to feel superior and act in a way might cause fear towards others, or maybe they genuinely have need to chat but do not know how to start a conversation. I suggest it depends on the individual and how well they are educated.
Hi Melody,
When I stumbled on the title of this blog, I just had to click on it and read it. Because, being slightly physically handicapped, I am one of those people who walk slowly. Although I must say, I am pretty considerate in getting out of the way if other people are coming up behind me.
It works the other way as well though. When you walk slowly and are enjoying solitude and silence, or just watching the flowers or the butterflies or listening to the birds, it can be pretty annoying when fast walking people are coming up behind you, especially when they are talking loudly and kind of disturb the serene atmosphere (I am talking about being out in nature here). However, I never get angry about it and just let them pass by with a friendly greeting which then is always returned. After that I can enjoy my peace and quiet again which I could not have if I had gotten angry about it.
I have lots of triggers left though, like those in the mechanical field. They sound very familiar. Or when I can send emails to the whole world but get a failure notice when I want to send one to you. Not once but repeatedly. Obviously it was a message that was not meant to be sent. Come to think of it. Yours to me bounced also like you said. Who is manifesting what here?
In this blog you also mentioned ‘not being invisible’. That is exactly what I often do or at least did manifest, being invisible I mean and then in the sense of people not noticing me. As a child I did that more or less on purpose as I was a very timid child. Yet I was never bullied, not once, and I also managed to escape many tasks I did not want to do. What I did not realise of course was that it works both ways. Whenever I did something exceptionally well it also did not get noticed. And nobody was interested in the things I wrote about or only in a very general manner so that I never got any feedback. It took me a while to figure all this out and I think I learned a lot and can even laugh about it now, though at the time I felt very hurt. Life is fascinating and hilarious, as Alice says.
Love,
Anny
Hey Anny,
Thanks for sharing your perspective here. It’s interesting to think of it from the other side. I’m certain that a lot of people, if they were walking slowly, would be worried that they were in someone’s way (like they don’t have the right to walk at whatever pace they want). We make others responsible for how we feel and then we also make ourselves responsible for how others feel. What an awful cycle (and one that just doesn’t work). It’s so nice that you can just let people pass with a smile.
I’m usually a pretty fast walker, but when I come up behind someone slow (like an elderly couple), I bless them in my mind. I appreciate them and send them love (that took practice, but it’s automatic now) and they ALWAYS somehow get out of the way. They just mosey over to side or they notice me or whatever. I don’t need them to, but they do. They do not need to apologize for being in my way and I don’t need to apologize for passing them. It’s just a natural, easy flow. Neither one of us is bothering the other. Your comment just really made me aware of that. Thank you. 🙂
Huge hugs!
Melody
Correct as always Melody. Dun dun dun. Our previous conversation about my best friends being anorexic and it being about control. Well guess what they just mirrored back to me. 🙂
I haven’t gone as far as being George Castanza yet when he can’t reach his girlfriend who is on holiday and leaves angry messages all over her answering machine. lol How embarassing! (and looking like a lunatic people should avoid)
It’s funny as when they answer they have no idea 5 seconds ago I was yelling into the phone PICK UP THE PHONE!!!!! Yeah our triggers can be pretty stupid and unique. Life is fascinating. And hiliarious.
Hey Melody,
Thanks for directing me to this article again. I have read it before but didn’t apply it because I was too busy laughing.
My ex actually does this and he calls them “sunday afternoon walkers” and it reminded me of his hilarious reactions. It was soo funny. He’d tailgate them, grunt, mumble, wave-no flail- his hands around wildly and finally bash past them.
His reactions weren’t that nice but it just looked so funny. Like a goat that headbutts people! When I say he tailgated I mean he literally walked almost pressed up into their backs. It was funny because often it actually was a sunday afternoon, on a date and there wasn’t a hurry.
But he’s the super impatient type. Not helping is that I have Dr. Hibbert syndrom and laugh at all the wrong times. I know it infuriates him more but I can’t help it! His anger looks comical to me! 🙂 tsk, tsk, Alice!
Things that enrage (not just annoy-enrage!) me: Computers! frozen computers (literally want to throw them out window), electronic devices that are expensive and don’t work, delays (more later-challenge accepted!) having an important conversation interrupted when you are all emotional and having a breakthrough, being hung up on or disconnected, being told “talk to the hand”, being told “this conversation is over” in heat of argument and almost crush my phone if I call someone and the line is busy or the phone is off. A co-worker/equal that tries to be my boss and my sister easily enrages me. When my ex is angry but won’t tell me why and won’t talk about it- now I’m enraged too! lol lol 😉 People that say “like” and “OMG” too much give me a twitch.
I don’t get angry much (people think I’m docile) but those things above…angry-making stuff! 🙂 Luckily no one sees me get angry as it’s mostly in private.
As you can see from the above stuff our anger triggers a pretty unique. Those things may not bother someone else.
I can be completely calm in someone elses’ idea of angry-making situation.
Hey Alice,
It sounds like a lot of your triggers point back to unworthiness. Not letting you speak (or stopping the conversation), someone acting like they are better than you or above you in some way, these are triggers of a belief that states that you are not important or worth their time. And you rebel against that false belief with anger. The rage against the machines (sorry. I had to) stems from powerlessness, but I can’t tell you exactly what belief. But basically, you like to have control and when you don’t you flip out.
You’re so right, we all have our individual triggers. But that’s the fun part. We each get to figure out our own codes and decipher them. Yay! If we were all exactly the same, life would be boring. 🙂
Huge hugs!
Melody
That title says me all over it.
What a great application of Emotional Intelligence. I never thought of that situation as an every day example of my anger over something fairly trivial, so major points for you.
Looking forward to reading more on your site.
Hi Bryce!
Welcome to Deliberate Receiving! Every negative emotion we experience is a message. We’re just so used to putting up with a certain amount (rather large amount, in many cases), that we longer notice it. But it’s always an indication that we’re thinking something that doesn’t serve us. And as we raise our vibrations (get happier), we become less and less tolerant of these feelings.
The goal isn’t to get rid of all negative emotion, but to become so sensitive to it that we notice it immediately and then do something about it before it ever manifests as anything bigger.
Thanks for your comment!
Hugs,
Melody
When people get in my way, I do find myself getting frustrated depending on if I’m running late or I’m in a rush for some reason. But it is a good lesson to just breathe and slow down and realize nothing is that important to get angry at someone else. I laugh at myself if I get caught behind an elderly person walking or driving and remind myself that I will be slowing others down in the future, so just be polite and help them out if I can.
Hi Cathy,
Shifting perspective and putting ourselves in other people’s shoes can often help us see things from a better feeling perspective. When I see someone driving aggressively, trying to pass everyone, seemingly in a major hurry, I always imagine that they’re a parent on the way to their child who’s in the hospital. I immediately feel compassion instead of annoyance and I don’t mind letting them cut into the lane in front of me. All I did was chance my own perspective, and yet, instantly feel better. And that’s all that rally matters. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
In my mastermind group, we were discussing how anger usually comes from feeling helpless and resentful. The challenge is that we are not taught how to express ourselves properly or at all and so that energy becomes pent up inside and it comes out as anger. We uncovered that one of my clients had control issues and that , as you know, is one of the main patterns that lead to anger. I had to learn to release the need to control and; subsequently, it sure made me feel lighter.
If I may share two tips that helped me manage my anger:
(1) Breathing slowing and deeply. We often hold our breath, which causes an energy explosion.
(2) Touching my heart center with my left hand and breath and I don’t feel the need to get or stay angry at all.
Hi Rachel,
Welcome to Deliberate Receiving! Your tips are excellent. Thank you so much for sharing them. Breathing deeply is an excellent way to dissipate energy and raise our vibration in a gentle way. I’ve also gotten much more into heart chakra meditations in the last year. Connecting with our hearts really seems to put us in touch with the emotions of who we really are. It can help us to transcend anger and other emotions (note, not the same as squashing them or ignoring them). We’re actually transmuting the energy.
Thanks again for your wonderful and valuable comment.
Hugs,
Melody
Hey Melody,
Nicely done post. I have found that meditation for me at the start of each day calms me, and thus allows me to rationalize my feelings better, when let’s say getting “cut off on the freeway.”
I believe that the circumstances we experience on the outer world is a reflection of what we are feeling or vibrating at inside. It’s like the outside world is simply a mirror of where we are at vibrationally at any given moment. Wonderful post filled with great insightful tips!
Hi Baker,
Couldn’t agree more. It’s all a reflection of our vibration. And starting the day off by raising our vibration can set us up for much more pleasant experiences. 🙂
Hugs,
Melody
hello melody
how are you?
on rare occasions, i have found myself in such situations but certainly not harbouring thoughts of punching anyone lol!! rather it’s a case of ‘oh would you move out of the way please’ and i mutter that under my breath.
exploring what triggers our anger is quite helpful because one comes to the conclusion of what truly is the cause of our anger and in this context, it’s the fear of being completely ignored.
i found your explaination of ‘not wanting to be ignored’very thorough.
thanks for sharing
take care and enjoy the rest of the day
Hi Ayo,
Thanks for stopping by! Even small amounts of negative emotion shouldn’t be ignored (otherwise they get bigger over time…) The thing I’ve found is that when I don’t get angry, I can easily and nicely ask people to step aside. No hard feelings. But when I get mad, no matter how hard I try to be calm, it comes out kind of bitchy. Or maybe I just have that vibe and they pick up on it. And then I get “the look”, which adds the whole “how dare they?!” train of thought… I recently really worked on this, though and haven’t had any kind of reaction since. In fact, I can’t remember any slowpokes in front of me for the last week! Ha! Thanks LOA!!
Hugs!
Melody
Melody, what a great title! I definitely laughed. Yes, I’ve had this experience, but I live in Chicago so it happens when I’m driving–there re some ANNOYING drivers out there! Or maybe I’m just annoyable weaving my way through city street. George Carlin was right–we’re all so self-righteous when we drive–everyone who goes slower than us is an idiot and everyone who goes faster than us is a maniac!
I like that you said anger is about powerlessness. Anger is often a protest emotion–protesting powerlessness, like you point out, or protesting the threat of a loss, an actual loss, an injustice or wrong. We probably see anger somewhat differently. Anger, in my work with people, is neither “good” nor “bad”. Of course, what we do with it will determine if it’s healthy and functional or not.
But there is much anger, as I see it, that is useful–like a warning system that alerts them that there’s problem. In fact, some clients I’ve had had the opposite problem, which you may disagree with–they needed to be MORE angry (in a HEALTHY way), because they were being abused, boundaries were being continually violated, were taken advantage of . . . and being disconnected from their healthy anger and “warning system” led them to be passive, with their problems continuing ad infinitum.
So, I see anger as a survival mechanism, alerting us to problems, and energizing us to take problem-solving action. It’s just how it’s expressed that makes the difference. Martin Luther King and the Black Panthers were both angry and angry at the same things, but both responded very differently.
All that said, you make some great points that I agree with as well.
OMG Sean, I think we totally agree! Check out my response to Fred, above. I put a link to an article I wrote about Anger. In it, I argue that our society’s squashing of the anger response has caused more damage than anything else. When people get stuck in powerlessness, because every time they display even a little of anger, they’re made to feel inappropriate, it can lead to some powerful rage-driven responses. Anger is good and necessary, and if we allowed people (and they allowed themselves) to feel and express anger in a healthy way, it would never get out of hand the way it does. But anger tends to make people uncomfortable (your family probably likes you better sad than when you’re seething), and so they try to push it back down. But that doesn’t make it go away.
So, I think we’re in total agreement, actually. I’ve coached plenty of people to get angry. Often, I’m the first person to ever give them permission to feel that emotion. I’m sure you’ve experienced that, as well. 🙂
Hugs,
Melody
Anger is a response to powerlessness? That’s really interesting, and it makes a lot of sense.
Oddly enough, I do sometimes get upset when people are reallllllly slow in front of me, but not for the exact same reasons.
I’m typically pretty relaxed, but sometimes I’ll have a sequence of thoughts in such a situation that will actually make me feel angry, and now that I think about it, powerless.
I’ll be thinking to myself, “I don’t really mind walking slower, it’s not a big deal.” But eventually I’ll sometimes think, “But shouldn’t I assert myself? Why should I slow down just because of them?” And I begin thinking that I’m not assertive enough.
It’s like the type B personality response to the same exact situation. I’m not actually mad that I’m delayed – I don’t really care. But I feel powerless nonetheless, which causes some anger directed inwards rather than outwards.
It looks like powerlessness is at the root of it all though, good call. I’m just glad that I’ve learned to be the watcher of my thoughts and emotions more than the actor. I can watch all this insanity and just laugh instead of cry now. 🙂
HUGS!
Hey Fred,
If you’re interested in exploring anger further, I wrote an article about it here: The Power of Anger – Why It’s Ok To Be Angry. (no typing necessary!) 🙂
Hugs,
Melody
Hmmm…this one has got me ponerding. I rarely feel anger because I tend to try to figure out why I attracted certain actions or reactions from others. Not to say that this is a good thing beacause deep down, I believe I avoid anger because I don’t like confrontations. Its just easier to reflect on myself versus expressing anger toward others. If that were me walking behind that couple, I would ask myself why is my fast pace being hindered and forced to slow down. Am I going through life too fast and not smelling the roses? Or, who am I trying to impress by arriving on time (esp if circumstances were beyond my control to do so)?
My fear of confrontation would be my issue in this matter which stems from wanting everyone to like me and obtain their approval. Like I said, this post has really got my mind wondering???
Kim
Ok, so your pondering got me pondering. 🙂 I get the sense that when you go to evaluate your anger, you’re doing it a little bit from a “why is this happening to me” place, as if the Universe was trying to teach you a lesson or trying to forcibly shove you in another direction. The Universe doesn’t do that, nor can it. The Universe doesn’t send you messages to stop doing something. You either resonate with something or you don’t. You can be pulled towards something (like when you get an impulse to walk into a new place), but you won’t be pushed AWAY from anything.
So, don’t try to look for the hidden message, but rather what belief you hold about yourself that is being triggered. Ooh, fear of confrontation. That’s gong on the list!! Should make for a juicy blog post. 🙂
Thanks for the comment! Hugs,
Melody
So…I’m not being taught a lesson so much as I may have attracted a particular scenario according to my inner beliefs? To phrase this with the LOA, perhaps I was hurrying to an interview but missed my interview time because of slow traffic and people. I ultimately didn’t get the job because they would not reschedule. This could be a reflection of my ultimate belief that I didn’t deserve a better and higher paying job, etc??? And not the universe trying to teach me to slow my pace but…Hey Kim, look at what’s inside of you…
You got it Kim. In the case you described, I would say it’s most likely that you weren’t a match to the job (either because you had resistance to the job, of the job itself just wasn’t right for you for reasons unbeknownst to you). So, there would’ve been some negative emotion around the job interview, but you might’ve dismissed it as nerves or ignored it in some other way, and pushed on ahead (brute force action journey). So, that resistance (not the Universe) created a bunch of obstacles on your way there. Bottom line, if you would’ve been a match for the job, you would’ve got the job.
The Universe isn’t like your mom. 😉 It’s not trying to teach you lessons the hard way. If you’re learning anything the hard way, it’s because you have a belief that this is the best way to learn (I used to have that one, BIG time…) But really, there’s nothing to learn. It’s more about unlearning all the stuff that’s been forced on us. Nothing can assert itself into your reality. Not even the Universe. It’s all you. 🙂
You nailed it, Melody. Many years ago I found myself being angry with the driver in front of me as I was on my way home from work. I even asked out loud what his problem was. There are other people on the road who want to go the speed limit. That’s when I looked at the speed I was going, the speed limit. That person in front of me was actually doing me a favor, stopping me from getting a speeding ticket. I stopped being angry instantly and pulled away a little from his back bumper. I haven’t done that since then.
Hi Glynis,
Thanks so much for sharing your own experience. What a perfect example of shifting your energy in the moment. Bravo!
Hugs,
Melody
Yet another great post, Melody. I was actually chuckling all the way.
This topic is very close to the heart for me because it reminds me of an experience I’ll never forget. A few years ago I was at the mall and a family of four stepped onto the escalator in front of me, blocking my way completely. I got kinda’ mad and kept thinking, “How can they be so oblivious?!” A few minutes later I received a phone call and got onto the next escalator when an old lady tapped my shoulder and said “Can’t you see you’re blocking my way?!” I was so oblivious to my surroundings because I was preoccupied that I didn’t realize I was taking-up an entire step and blocking the people behind me.
I stopped getting mad at random people from that day on. Unless of course I say “excuse me” twice and they’re either ignorant or arrogant or still oblivious. That’s when the fantasies start. And they always involve torture via toothpicks, a feather, Jason Vorhees’ machete, and Michael Bolton music from the Amazon bargain bin, … among other things.
Hi Derrek,
Exactly! As you shift your perspective, your anger often just dissipates (and if not, you can isolate what triggered it, like someone ignoring you.) I love your torture hierarchy: A feather is apparently worse than toothpicks (death by tickling??) and Michael Bolton is worst of all. LOL.
Hugs to you,
Melody
Oh he is, Melody….. he is. *shudder*
I was once in a large city and there was this woman behind me that was pushing me down the road. I got tired of seeing her on my bumper–so I decided to go like five miles an hour while she couldn’t pass me. When I hit the expressway, I sped up to lmach 10 so she couldn’t pass me then either. She got what I’d call “angry”.
As fate would have it, there was a stoplight that was red. I stopped at it, and she was in the other lane and she was going to have to stop next to me. She was so pissed, she decided to blow through the red light.
I guess I’m lucky she didn’t have a gun–but I found it all terribly amusing.
If I stop to think about my belief at that moment, it was mainly, “This bitch is really annoying me because she seems to be pushing me down the road–what’s her deal anyway?”
Then, Lucifer popped into my brain and asked me how I could make it entertaining for me–and when he shows up, it’s always an interesting trip.
I was following you all the way until you went and said “Lucifer popped into my brain”. Keep off the blackmarket stuff, friend. I’ve heard they make you see things. :p
Derrek,
Now you went and pissed him off. Sighs.
Ah, but that would then be an issue you could release: Why did her behavior bother you? What did it actually have to do with you? Why did you choose to engage with her?
I would say that making it entertaining for yourself was definitely a step in the right direction (since it gave you back some control over the situation), but the ultimate goal is to get to the point where behavior like that doesn’t affect you at all (and then, you won’t meet up with experiences like that anymore).
Thanks for sharing, Joe.
Hugs,
Melody
Her behavior had little to do with me, but I had a lot to do with her behavior hence merriment abounded!
Honestly, I don’t really care if I attract experiences like that or not. I’ll figure out some angle to make it amusing to me. I might not have control over whether someone chooses to be a douche, but I do have control over what I do with it. I could have become stressed, or I could have “ignored her”–but it was more fun to interact in an annoying way. Why? Because I’m just THAT mature! 😉
I absolutely have founf myself in a similiar situation only to realize that my anger was unnecessary. Most of the time people can sense what you are feeling, and this can wear on one conscience.
Hi Deb!
That’s so true. If I allow myself to get in a bad mood and then I display that to others, even if I’m just huffing and drumming my fingers, I always feel bad about it afterwards. These people didn’t deserve my impatience of bad vibes… And neither did I. But once we recognize that, it happens less and less, because now we’ve realized that it’s not up to others to change so we can feel better, but rather within our own power. 🙂
Thanks so much for the comment!
Hugs,
Melody
Hey Melody,
Great post and another important subject. I am a slow driver by nature meaning I go 9 miles over the limit where I live and this seems to piss people off so much that they feel the need to get within feet of my bumper.
Instead of getting angry at them for tailgating me I feel empowered at the thought that my driving can somehow cause another to get so furious. I am not intentionally trying to piss someone off, but I can also see how futile it is to let another person or an outside event cause us so much inner turmoil.
Hi Justin,
Great point – when we notice how someone else is having an emotional breakdown and WE’RE NOT, it can be so empowering. Especially when we realize that at one point in our lives we would’ve immediately joined them in their game. Noticing our lack of negative emotion can be just as important as noticing when we feel bad. Thanks for this valuable addition to the blog post!
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody,
Examing the root cause and learning to interpret situations in a positive way will help us manag and eliminate anger and other negative emotions. First comes awareness, then we have to examine the root cause. Asking ourselves questions like you have done above really is a great ways to talk things over with ourselves. This awareness is crucial… Thanks for sharing Melody, great post!
Hi Dia,
That’s the whole idea – recognize how you feel and then stop thinking the thoughts that keep you from feeling good. That’s it. That’s the work. 🙂
Thanks for your comment!
Hugs,
Melody