In this Law of Attraction work, we talk a lot about how to manifest our reality, how to release beliefs, and which techniques are the best for raising our vibration. I get questions every day from people wanting to find a lover, earn more money, lose weight, or win the lottery. They all ask me “What should I do?” And while I provide long (very long) and detailed answers to all of these questions, explaining the mechanics of how the Law of Attraction works and how or why each technique will bring about results (or not), they all boil down to pretty much the same thing: Find a way to feel better and the solutions and answers will come.
But this answer isn’t satisfying. “What do you mean, find a way to feel better!? That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! If I get a boyfriend, I’ll feel better.” But there’s a huge fallacy in that statement. It’s not our fault. We’ve been taught to look at our world and react to it. Our physical reality, other people and circumstances all determine how we feel. So, obviously, we have to change the circumstances in order to change the way we feel. Everybody knows that! And sure, it’s hard, it takes tremendous effort to make even the smallest of changes, but hard work is a virtue. And so is suffering, apparently. And so what if we may never get what we want? So what if, in our perpetual unhappiness, we keep chasing a carrot that we may never catch? That doesn’t mean that we should question whether or not there might be a huge flaw in our thinking. Does it? Damn right it does.
The truth is, we’ve been going about things the hard way. Yes, yes, we’ve always been doing it this way, but if that were a reason to continue on, we’d still have slavery, women wouldn’t be able to vote and we’d all be communicating via smoke signals. It’s called progress. And it’s time we moved on.
Let me tell you a little story
It’s a beautiful morning and you’re walking along a road. The weather is beautiful, there are butterflies and rainbows and you’re just strolling along, feeling great. Then you meet some other people. They have all of these rocks that they’re carrying with them. They have some pretty convincing arguments as to why you should carry those rocks, too, and so you decide to pick some up and put them in your pockets. As you walk along the road, you see more rocks. Some rocks can’t be carried alone; they come in groups. But the people you’re meeting are so convincing and you don’t want to be left out, so you keep picking them up.
The longer you’re on the road, the more rocks you pick up. Walking is becoming harder. The weight of the rocks is slowing you down. It takes a lot more effort to take a step. “What do I do?” you ask. And the people around you tell you to “Just work harder.” They tell you that suffering is virtuous and that this is just the way it is. They invent all kinds of contraptions to help them carry more rocks. And so, you not only keep the rocks you have, but you keep picking up more.
And then you get to a hill. Rumor has it that if you reach the top of that hill, you won’t have to carry the rocks anymore. You get to just run around all day, free, light and happy. And so, you decide that you’re going to figure out how to get up that hill. You speak with engineers. There must be a device which will allow you to carry your rocks up the hillside. You try design after design, but noting works. You try to get others to help you with your rocks, but their own pockets are already full, so they can’t really help you.
At the end of the day, you sit down, exhausted and spent, and you cry out to the hill: “All I ever wanted was to run free and be happy. Why did they make it so hard to get up that hill?” And when you fall asleep, your rocks fall out of your pockets, waiting for the next idiot to come along and pick them up.
The moral of the story
I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that this story is a metaphor for life. We’re born, all light and free, and then we’re trained into believing that things are a certain way. Life is supposed to be hard. The only way to get anything done is to put your nose to the grindstone. Feeling good is something you do after the real work has been done. The limiting beliefs we carry around with us are our rocks.
We run through life, looking for a way to be happy. We’ve come to believe that if we just find the perfect wife or husband, drive the perfect car, discover the perfect career, get on the perfect path, then happiness shall be ours. When all we ever had to do was to drop the freaking rocks.
Your natural, default vibration is one of joy
This is where you belong and where you’ll naturally go if you allow it. There is nothing you actually have to do to raise your vibration. All you really have to do is stop doing the things you’re doing that are keeping that vibration down. All you have to do is drop the rocks.
Being happy isn’t hard
We’ve just convinced ourselves that it is. But when we release the beliefs that hold us back, when we figure out that happiness doesn’t come from attaining stuff, we can finally see clearly: All we have to do is relax, let go and allow ourselves to be happy. It’s our natural state. If we drop the rocks, we’ll be free.
Choose to be happy. Choose to feel good. There is no obligation to work as hard as you can. There is no Universal directive for suffering. We made all of that up. But those beliefs don’t serve us anymore. Perhaps they did at one time. Perhaps, there was a time, when those beliefs represented progress. But not anymore. It’s time to move on. It’s time to evolve. Can’t you hear it? That little voice that keeps niggling at you: “You’re supposed to be happy. It doesn’t have to be this hard. Life is supposed to be fun.” And even though your rocks have been with you for a long time, aren’t you tired of carrying around all that weight? Aren’t you tired of struggling to move forward, to make any progress, of chasing stuff? Aren’t you just tired?
Drop the rocks
Because here’s the dirty little secret: Once you do, you’ll get everything you’ve ever wanted. When you find happiness, all the things which you’ve associated with happiness show up. These things aren’t the key to opening the door to joy, but they do live in the same room. So go for happiness. Go for joy. Go for easy and simple and light. That’s all you’ve ever really wanted anyway.
So, which rock are you going to drop first?
A wonderful “Aber” name-dropped you in the Abe Forum, and I have been happily devouring your blog posts for the last few days, and there is so much more to read – Fun!!
Just wanted to let you know the link to the article on Stacy’s blog no longer works in case you are able to fix it.
….and thanks for earworm. SnoopDog will be on continuous loop in my head for the rest of the day. Good thing I like that song!
Hey there Kim,
Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention. Stacey shut down her blog, so I’ve now published my original post here.
And I’m super honored to have been mentioned in the Abe community. Those are my people! 🙂
Happy shiny puppy hugs!
Wow! The Universe is steadily guiding me everyday. After the past week of recognizing my beliefs that have been holding me down, I come across this particular post of yours that reinforces my very intention. Using your analogy -> rocks = negative/false beliefs. Drop the rocks means let go of any belief that doesn’t make you feel good. So instead of believing, “Life is hard”, choose to believe, “Life is fun & easy!” That feels SOOOOOO much better.
Now that I’m paying close attention to beliefs it has become more & more apparent to me how prevalent negative or false beliefs are in the people I’ve been associating with. Since I purposely don’t watch or read the news I learned from my mother about the event with the American Embassy in Egypt this past week. Her comment on the issue was, “The world is a scary place.” My mind immediately thought, “Wait a minute. Do I want to feel scared? Does believing a generalized statement like that leave me feeling good?” My answer was a definite NO! I didn’t respond to her comment since I know my mother is not in a place where she’s ready or capable to shift her beliefs. But I made an internal note to myself to dig through more of my core beliefs to flush out any others that I adopted from her or my father that don’t serve me anymore.
I have found already that developing a new belief system really does immediately lead to feeling better. What a relief that is! If only everyone could be informed at how easy it is. 🙂
Huge Kitten Hugs, (b/c kittehs are my purrfect companions)
Great job shifting on that Egypt thingy (I have no idea what you’re talking about BTW).
And wise choice not trying to convince your mom. From the outside, this work can seem naive or even like we’re all in denial. But it’s not that we’re pretending that bad stuff doesn’t happen. We just choose to put our focus on the kind of world we want to live in and not on something that feels awful and that we can’t do anything about. The difference is impossible for many to understand and there’s no benefit in trying to convince them. Allow them their perspective, just as you did, and find your own center.
Bravo Lauren! 🙂
Happy shiny puppy hugs (puppies and kittens can and do get along…) 😛
The thing that boosts my mood is interacting with others and laughing with them, having friends.
I know that will help me feel better and a solution to my health. etc. The more health, I could work, do more things, go out with the friends etc.
But intensely lonely and unwell. Sure there are people worse off health wise.
>>>>Social interaction wise, the only people more lonely are in solitary confinement. I’ve had bare minimal human interaction for years.
At least I know now that’s the core of most things. I used to believe my health was…sure it’s the foundation of employment etc…
But to get that you need happiness to be healthy and what makes me happy is friendship & love.
I don’t know how to undo the years of damage and feel truly happy and not lonely in my heart.
f*** it is painful. The worst pain you can imagine. Worst than the time I got a chemical in my eye, toothpain or being burnt.
I’d rather the physical than this. It’s quite unbearable. Nothing has ever hurt more. Trust me.
I do feel proud I’m still alive, this would knock most people out.
How can I truly patch up my heart (wish this pain was visible!!! people would want to give me emotional morphine) when the boost comes from the very thing I lack?
Figure out what it is that you get from having friends and contact. Do you feel loved, accepted, etc? Then ask yourself if you love, accept, etc. yourself? These will not be easy questions. They can be very uncomfortable.
You’re still asking others and experiences to help you feel better. That’s ok, but you can go deeper than that. What is it that you REALLY want? Keep asking why until you get to the core emotion.
I believe you when you say that you’re in pain. You’re holding on to something that really, really isn’t serving you, and you have been for a long time. You don’t know what it is (if you did, you’d let go), but your illness, the way you feel and your entire reality hold clues. You will get there.
Well that’s exactly why I want the friends and experiences. So clearer, deeper thoughts can be available to me.
I’m not able to fee happy inside a tangled mess of sickness, unemployment and loneliness.
Too many pressures.
I do love and accept myself.
Even you didn’t find happiness in complete isolation.
I don’t have TIME to fuss around as by end of this year I’m getting evicted.
So could you give me more clues or tell me as much as you can or how to figure out what that thing to drop is.
Otherwise I’m going to have a very bad solution that will trigger more health issues etc.
So please help me now before that happens. When that happens I won’t be here.
I’m sorry, but you are asking more of me than I can give. I can’t just reach in and figure it all out for you. I can’t even fully connect with you here. I just get some general impressions. In order to get more I’d have to talk to you.
But even then, I can’t just reach in and find the source of the issue if you’re not ready to hear it. It doesn’t work that way. I can only ever access what you’re ready for. Otherwise, I’d be manifesting in your reality. Even when I can see it, and that does happen, I can try to tell someone all I want. If they’re not ready for it, they won’t be able to hear me.
And actually, isolation has never been an issue for me. I can be very happy when I’m alone, and in fact, I’m alone a lot. I like to spend time meditating and contemplating and I have a much easier time doing that when I’m by myself. So, for the last few years, I’ve orchestrated alone time on a very regular basis. It’s also possible to be miserable around others. Being around other people doesn’t guarantee happiness or the feelings you’re after.
This is why I advised you to focus on the core feelings you want, not the medium through which you think you will get it.
Clearer, deeper thoughts can be available to you in a variety of ways. Other people can be very helpful, but that’s not the only way. And if that way seems to be blocked right now, then go for a different way, something that seems to come more easily. For example, you could go sit in a church or some other spiritual, peaceful place. Let it calm you. You may be surprised by what thoughts come up as you do this.
The main thing that I would advise for you is to find a healthy and constructive way to release anger. And then do it until you feel totally spent. That may take a while. Anger will take you out of this helplessness and despair, as long as you don’t turn it against yourself. It doesn’t matter who you get angry at (not you, though). Your illness, God, your body, your parents, society, whatever. Then, punch a pillow or something. scream. Cry. Write angry letters. Let it out. It will empower you and allow you to feel better. You won’t stay there forever if you let it out. It will pass. But it will move you out of depression.
Give it a try and see what happens.
I don’t know what to do after the anger part. It’s just what now? and dread.
You don’t say what to do after you’ve been angry. Also it causes me stress and headaches to be angry. More loneliness, further distance between those and who you feel angry about, society, life goes further away.
You attract angry things. Poor communication. More powerlessness, because now you’re having atemper tantrum about no one being able to help you and you feel sad!
Your “isolation” is frankly ridiculous to compare to mine. There’s a HUGE difference beteen ALREADY being a HAPPY person like you, with security, money, FRIENDS, love all the things you want VOLUNTEERING to be alone because it is relaxing and suits you well.
You can exit that isolation at any time and be in the comfort and love and luxury of other people that care about you and most likely notice when you are not there.
Whenever you want. You have that luxury.
It is NOT the same thing to be forcibily isolated and lonely as confused as all hell and question the very meaning of your life.
If I WANT friends in those moments, I can’t just clap my hands and say “alone time over” and feel happy and have people to go out with and the money to do so.
THAT’s the huge difference. Also being like this for years is not a few weeks or months or however long you take not talking to a single soul …. and then go back to networking and business and friends and work and success and TONNES of people to talk to and be your friend.
You would be more convincing talking from a heartfelt place of real loneliness where you weren’t just orchestrating it as relaxation.
That’s like the people that visit third world countries and do third world things for “novelty” and take photos of themselves doing these things and living it “rough” knowing they can fly back to their first world at any time.
You’re taking a vacation in my isolation land and then flying in and out whenever you please.
That’s not the case for me. I live here and visiting the place is not the same…just as visiting a third world country doesn’t make someone a hip, fantastic angel that knows all about third world suffering.
Angry and honest enough for you? Well see what anger does? It makles honest statements like that.
And again now what?
After the anger finally leaves, you’ll feel empty for a while (the Void). You’ll know it when you get there.
I wasn’t comparing my situation NOW to yours NOW. I would never compare. I was simply pointing out a different perspective. I cannot tell you that I’ve felt pain like yours. I have no way of judging that accurately. But I can tell you that there were times in my life where I was ill and alone and depressed and on the edge of total hopelessness. I know what that feels like. I’ve lived in that 3rd world country, so to speak.
It’s ok if you’re angry with me. As long as you’re not angry with yourself. It will take a while. Moving out of the vibration you’re in doesn’t happen in an instant. Looking back, for me, it was a progression that took years, really, although the suffering wasn’t the same the whole time. And, I frequently interrupted the process because I’d shut down the anger. So it took me way longer than it needed to. But it still happened. And it will for you, too.
Sending you love and hugs and light. I know you’ll get there, even if right now, you don’t.
Well this works sometimes, but I find it only really works if I have a real-life target or someone to listen to it otherwise being angry alone just feels stupid and frustrating.
I did feel a little better after being honest with you there. I wasn’t mad to you, but at my situation and telling you about it.
What do we do with the void? After that hours later I did finally feel happy in the evening (takes all day…too long!) as usual taking me all day to finally feel happy and motivated, by that time the sun is down.
I went to sleep and woke up feeling like rubbish again. It’s a never ending cycle of endurance.
I’d win the gold medal for endurance.
The worst thing is knowing I did feel better, then went to sleep and woke up feeling so painful in my heart all over again and not motivated.
How to we deal with the empty feeling after the anger?
How do we retain the happiness/relief???? I don’t like how it keeps getting reset to sh*t again.
I can see this does work, but I don’t want to go through it everyday. I have stuff to do and just want to be healed and not reset.
You deal with it by allowing it. I wrote a post about the void: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/06/10/managing-the-void-when-you-seem-to-feel-nothing/
I don’t think you’re in the void yet, though. It usually lasts a few days…
You keep yourself from being reset by doing this deliberately, noticing that you feel better (you did that! Yay!) and noticing when your thoughts go into a negative place. You will do this automatically right now without even realizing it, because it’s such a practiced vibration. Become aware of when you’re doing this (it does take time, more than a day or two), and gently move yourself to better feeling thoughts each time you do. Over the course of a few days or weeks (not months, it doesn’t take THAT long), you’ll notice that it’ll become easier to feel good. You’ll wake up feeling better. Don’t expect to solve it all in one day. I know you’ve been working on this a long time, but not THIS Way… give it a chance. It will accumulate if you keep it up.
I usually recommend giving it a real go for 30 days. You can change your entire vibration in 30 days. 🙂
So get sad and mad for 30 days?
Oh you’re right I’m not in the void now, but after getting mad on the post yes I was. I felt blank for hours until I felt happy later in the night.
But as I said I woke up sad again.
Are you sure going on this rollercoaster will work after 30 days or will just make me look bipolar?
That sounds rough.
It won’t feel the same for 30 days. You won’t get as mad and you won’t be as sad. It will evolve and get better. The rough part will end way before the 30 days are up. What have you got to lose?
Thanks again for a great post, Melody.
I love the rocks analogy. Ironically, I like to carry around an actual rock in my pocket. I can touch it with my thumb, and it connects me to the earth energy.
I’ve included a link to my blog with some of my poems. The one titled “Petrified” is about my rock experience.
Hi Mary Carol,
Thank you so much for sharing your great tips! The point you made about gratitude (in the reply to Derrek’s comment) is so right on. If we can get into a state of gratitude, we’re connecting with a very high vibration. You cannot connect to that frequency and a bad feeling frequency at the same time. Not possible.
I love the idea of having an actual rock in my pocket. I’ll have to give that a try. I use lots of earth elements, but never permanently. I’ll check out your poems ASAP.
My first time visiting your blog – I read your post at Stacy’s and really enjoyed the story and the moral out of it. We can sometimes really not be seeing the woods from the trees…the rocks represented are our limited beliefs, and we can carry so many of them without realizing how heavy we are getting from them and forgetting to enjoy life. Just working makes a part of our life, but isn’t everything in it. We should work to have for living, and not to live in order to be working. I choose to be happy any time and I hope others can do that, as well. After all, choosing to be happy is one of the wisest and easiest choices we can make.
Welcome to Deliberate Receiving! I loved guest posting for Stacy. She has such an amazing audience.
I think happy is the new sexy. Or the old sexy. It’s just sexy. 🙂
I love the suggestion to reach for a better feeling. If we are struggling in adversity,
feeling frustrated or always wanting something better, then it is important that we look for new ways that allow us to feel better right away so that we can begin to realize our true purpose. In order to move from where we are to where we want to be, we must be willing to go within–tune into how we feel on the inside. Then a space opens for something new to be created, right?
Absolutely right. We have to be willing to pay attention to how we feel and then make the changes within ourselves (as opposed to trying to force change in the world around us) that allow us to feel better. That’s the key to getting the outside world to actually change. First, we feel better and then the outside world caters to that feeling. Our physical reality will always prove us right. 🙂
Thanks for adding your comment!
We don’t learn at school how to be happy and therefor we need to find out ourselves. I believe “find ways to feel good”, is a very good advice!
Thanks for sharing!
Oooh, wouldn’t that be great if they taught this in school? I’m sure the day will come. We’ll have “nature of reality” and “manifesting” classes, and happiness breaks. yay! 🙂
Reality is but our own creation. Our perception depends upon what our mind conceives. If we continue to resists the inevitable flow of life, we cannot find what we’re looking for. Everything is within our reach provided that we fetch them along the way rather than complaining about the wrong direction. 🙂
You’re so right. All we have to do is recognize that it’s all under our control (just not in the way that our control-freak side thinks. It’s not about making things happen with action). This stuff really does work, once you give it a try. So glad to hear from you again. 🙂
Perfectly said. We are taught to react to the world. We then feel according to those events.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could reverse that process. What if we could create a good feeling, and have that feeling affect our reactions to the world.
Excellent post. Thanks for sharing your incredible wisdom.
You’re so welcome. I think more and more people are actually going to catch on to this stuff, so your What if question could well become a reality. That’s what I’m giving my energy to, anyway. Feels goooood! 🙂
Love is all you need and I think a part of self-love is being happy and feeling contentment…
Love yourself first by practicing happy. 90 seconds to change your brain – every 90 seconds a new opportunity.
And when I comply – wow all the old thinking just starts popping up so I can see it and delete it…I apparently just need to do it and get with the program.
I think I get hung up at recognizing and acknowledging the old thinking.
We all do Patricia. We’re so used to thinking these thoughts and feeling the way we do as a result, that we don’t even notice it anymore. So, we have a little trouble at time, telling the difference. Just focus on feeling good. That’s all you need. 🙂
So basically, in short, we should just FEEL happy first, and everything else will fall into the palm of our hand?
I love the idea of that. Don’t wait for something to happen to be happy, be happy no matter what and things around you will start to support your internal emotions. 🙂
Yes!!! Derrek, you got it! That’s the whole message in a nutshell. You don’t even really need to know more.
Um, but you should totally read my blog. Ahem…
OMG, I just put myself out of business… 😉
Haha! There’s no way I’m NOT going to keep reading your blog! 😀
The question is, HOW do we start feeling good? Like I know meditation works, taking your mind off things works, working the vibration-ladder, etc. But what would you recommend as the number one way to just FEEL good right now? Like at this very moment.
Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. Works every time… LOL
I think the most important thing you can do is to simply decide that you want to feel better. Setting that intention gets the ball rolling. And then, pay attention to how you feel and choose a better feeling thought whenever possible. Remove yourself from situations that bring you down. It’s a series of little things that add up. Meditation can speed up the process by making it easier to find those better feeling thoughts. But we can’t really get around the work of it (the “work” being choosing to feel better). There’s no magic pill or formula (ok, there are “happy pills” but they are more about escaping than actually permanently raising one’s vibration).
If you want to feel better in this very moment, think about and focus on something that makes you happy. A memory, an experience you’d like to have, your puppy or baby, it doesn’t matter. Choose a thought that makes you feel good and you’ll feel good. It’s that simple. But do that over and over again and the bad feeling thoughts will no longer be easily available to you. Just as you have to work your way into feeling good, once you’re there, you actually have to work your way into feeling bad.
Sweet irony. People work so hard to gain something that can be attained with less work than eating a slice of pizza. Not sure if that’s sad or just funny. Both, maybe. 🙂
Still reading old posts! This one is my all-time favorite so far. Wow and thank you.
I do have a happy pill – gratitude. If I get down, upset, annoyed, impatient, whatever, I focus on finding a genuine feeling of gratitude. It doesn’t matter what it’s for, or even if it’s for anything. Gratitude that life exists! A green leaf. My daughters’ health. It’s impossible to feel gratitude and anything negative at the same time. Instant happy pill.
Feeling much gratitude for your presence in the world! Namaste,
This post is “music” to my ears. You definitely got my attention and I’m so glad I stopped by your spot. This is so connected to my frame of mind right now that all I could do while I read was tap my fingers on my desk and laugh (I’m at work). I can’t wait to head over and read the rest.
Thanks for this post!!!! Absolutely “on time” message.
Divine timing Jermaine. Divine timing… 🙂
See you there!