It’s time for another Q&A Video! Today’s awesome question comes to us from Panchi, who writes:

I’ve been using LOA for lot of things… and I’ve gotten almost everything I asked for.

But a problem arises when I want to manifest a lover…

I made a list with his qualities… appearance, profession, like he should be 5 feet 9, a professional athlete, fair, loving, caring, friendly, and loves to spend time with me. I’ve met a lot of guys who had some of the qualities on the list. One guy in particular is crazy in love with me, is loving, caring, friendly, and loves to spend time with me. He treats me like his princess. But he’s a bit too short, not that fair or well built, and not in the profession I wanted. At times I think I should wait for the perfect guy, and sometimes I feel, what if the perfect guy doesn’t show up? Is it better to take the guy that is here right now?

Should I grab what’s here right now… or wait for what I really want?

Watch the video to find out how I answered this question.

Video Highlights:

The Universe knows exactly what you want. Every time you looked at a man and thought “I like that quality”, the Universe noted it down. Every time you saw a quality in a man you didn’t like, the Universe noted that down, too. It’s like a giant database that knows exactly what you want and don’t want, and it knows it better than you do.

This data is the TRUTH, what you really want. It contains none of your fears, protective mechanisms or limiting beliefs.

It’s ok to have a list. But many of the qualities we put on our list are there because we made an association at some point – someone we were attracted to had those qualities. But these characteristics don’t have much to do with actual attraction. We have “chemistry” with people when there’s a vibrational match.

There are two possibilities:

  1. You are not attracted to this man. He’s perfect or nearly perfect on paper, but your heart and other assorted body parts aren’t playing along. Let him go. It’s not fair to keep this man as your Plan B.
  2. You are attracted to him and he’s hitting a little too close to home. This is a man you could really fall in love with, a man you could really have a deep connection with and it’s scaring the hell out of you. So, you come up with all kinds of very specific reasons not to allow this connection to happen (he has to be 5′ 9″, be a professional athlete). This is called resistance.

This man is in your life for a reason. He’s a mirror to at least part of your vibration. Perhaps he’s here to help you further define what you want. Or, perhaps he’s here to help you overcome the resistance you have to getting what you REALLY want (a deep connection and wonderful relationship).

The action plan, either way, is the same. Focus on the qualities that you LIKE about him, and not the ones you don’t like about him. This will align you with the energy of what you truly want, instead of keeping you aligned with what you don’t want. And when you do that, the perfect man will come into your reality. You may find that this man is the one you’ve been waiting for, you just couldn’t see it.

Do you have any advice for Panchi? Let me know in the comments!

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  • Hi Melody,

    I’m Ania.I’m 31 years old.when I was 16 I fell in love with a book’s character and I always dreamed about that one day I will get this kind of person in reality. I always preyed to god to send me that particular kind of person in real and I even preyed to god that if its take 30 more years then its ok but please give me this kind of person even if I’m 40.At that time I was just a teenage girl.After 5 years I met a guy who was very attractive and its seems that he is the one. I had a huge crush on him for an year but after a year when i actually talked to him he was all different. I’m not saying he was bad but he was different than me yes he was arrogant,a bit proud too of his looks but he was not that bad now I can say that. I was very naive he asked me to change but it was not easy for me and he left me, made fun of me sometimes ,even I felt insulted but now I realised that he don’t really want to insult me but at that time it felt like he insulted me and the whole thing made me so weak and unwanted,etc etc but after 6 years not weeks I met a guy he was a bad bad guy.He sensed that I’m broken inside so he become friends first but after that all turned into hell.He was a guy one could never wanted to meet even in a nightmare.And I just felt like love is hell but then I accepted that He was bad and its nothing to do with love.But this incident broke me and just killed something inside me after that I never asked or think of a man.And my life become pieceful I never thought of a bad guy after that I always thought that now if I’ll meet someone he will be good because god has seen all I’ve been through and now he will send me the one who will love me.But recently accidentally I met a guy online initially he seems very sweet,sober,sensible but after a while he was just the mix of the two previous ones.I was shocked my whole trust on god and good and kindness just shaken up I was just not getting it why its happening again and again what can I do to change it.I want someone special in my life but now I’m not sure whether LOA will bring it to me because I’m working on it but my whole insecurities,fears and everything is coming inbetween.I really want to change it but don’t know how I meditate every single day.I try to focus on good things.I try to imagine a good guy for me but some voice keep telling me that this all is fake.What can I do about it.Please help me.I’m broken inside I don’t know what to do or to whom I can tell about it or to whom I can talk about it.Please reply.


  • Hi Melody,

    I’m Ania.I’m 31 years old.when I was 16 I fell in love with a book character and I always dreamed about that one day I will get this kind of person in reality after 5 years I met a guy who was very attractive and its seems that he is the one I had a huge crush on him for an year but after a year when i actually talked to him he was all different I’m not saying he was bad but he was different than me I was very naive he asked me to change but it was not easy for me and he left me made fun of me sometimes even I felt insulted even now I think he don’t really want to insult me but it felt like that and the whole thing made me so weak and unwanted,etc etc but after 6 weeks I met a guy he was a bad bad guy he sensed that I’m broken inside so he become friends first but after that all turn into hell he was a guy one could never wanted to meet even in a nightmare.n I just felt like love is hell for once but then I accepted that He was bad and its nothing to do with love.But this incident broke me and just killed something inside me after that I never asked or think of a man.But recently accidentally I met a guy online initially he seems very sweet,sober,sensible but after a while he was just the mix of the two previous ones.I was shocked my whole trust on god and good and kindness just shaken up I was just not getting it why its happening again and again what can I do to change it.I want someone special in my life but now I’m not sure whether LOA will bring it to me because I’m working on it but my whole insecurities,fears and everything is coming inbetween.I really want to change it but don’t know how I meditate every single day.I try to focus on good things.I try to imagine a good guy for me but some voice keep telling me that this all if fake.What can I do about it.Please help me.I’m broken inside I don’t know what to do or to whom I can tell about it or to whom I can talk about it.Please reply.


  • Hi Melody,

    When in the honeymoon period of a relationship I had a (most likely jealous) friend say that because we both have some sort of depression if one of us is cured the one that doesn’t move into happiness will be left behind (dumped).

    They admitted they were jealous but that what they said was also true.

    Reading this LOA site that theory sounds partially true as far as not being in the same vibration.
    However as a couple I’m sure you’d move on together and help each other.

    I really hope this isn’t true but I do want the truth about that & what people can do about it (if they can’t cure their depression)

    *Also does this mean if they cured the depression they would win their partner back?

  • Uh Melody?
    I thought u said that we must focus on what u want? If u just be happy then u will attract happy things . But not u want in particular. And the secret says u must visualize until u are in alignment to want u want.
    But i got one more question , so all i have to do i to be in alignment on my desire of the soulmate and she’ll appear? Theres no divine timing?
    And is it ok to focus on my desire if i can feel as though i already have it? I feel more comfortable with focusing on it rather than just being happy . Cant i do both?

    • Hey Arils,

      You do not need to keep defining what you want. My explanation is a little different from that of the secret. If you feel good thinking specifically, then do that. But in all of your comments here, every time you got specific, you fell back into negative emotion – doubt and uncertainty and impatience. This is why I coached you to get more general.

      There is divine timing, but in my explanation, it doesn’t mean what you think. Divine timing means that everything will come to you at the perfect time for you – when you are vibrationally ready and when it will best fit into your life. You would not want all of your desires to come to you at the same time. That would be totally overwhelming. You would not want to meet your soulmate before you are ready for her – then you wouldn’t recognize each other. Divine timing means that everything is always happening perfectly for you, given all of your desires, even the ones you don’t consciously remember (but the Universe remembers. Again, you don’t have to keep defining your desires).

      Is it possible for you to do both? When you think of your soul mate does it feel really good? Because based on your words here it doesn’t. and when it doesn’t, back off until you feel better. The most important thing is that you feel good.

      If you’d like to know more about this concept, please download my free e-book. You can do so here:

      Huge hugs,

  • Hey melody ,
    I think I get it. Focusing on the good qualities on every women I meet and see ,even if they don’t have all the qualities on my list. I can do that:)
    But can I do that and still focus on the girl on my list. Because I feel no resistance visualizing it. (my list to me is pretty realistic and not unbelievable to me). In fact when I visualize the girl on my list , I feel great , in joy , hope and faith. I even write journal entries about my life with this girl in the future , even when it havnt happen. And it feels good. Its believable to me. So is it ok if I start looking at all the good qualities of the woman in my reality and still visualize myself with the girl on my list. It feels good. So is it ok if I do so?

    • Yes! Yes! Yes! you’ve totally got it Arils! Of course you can still focus on your list, as long as it feels really good to do so. Adding the appreciation to it will only strengthen and fine tune your point of attraction. 😀



      • Great! I think i am good to go. Thanks for answering all my questions so patiently . Hope i didnt bore you with all my questions. Thanks again! You’re a real great LOA teacher:)
        May the joy be with you!

          • Hey Melody,
            Well I heard from my mom nagging that just sitting there thinking about the soulmate and not taking any actions won’t bring her to me.
            And she said I should make some friends , as most people find their lovers among their group of friends. I heard her and her advice don’t really feel good to me. In fact I hate it. I dot really want to make a lot of friends. Im more private and prefer just one girl as a companion. (that’s why I use the loa to manifest her). Is such a mindset wrong? Will this mindset hinder my chances of meeting my soulmate or delay it?
            I just fear that if I don’t listen to my moms advice by making new friends I wont find my soulmate. And this freaks me out. What do I do? I’m feeling very fearful that I won’t find my soulmate if i dont follow her advice. But i hate the advice she gave. Must I start making new friends , then I can find that soulmate. I don’t feel comfortable having many friends. Pls help

          • Hey Arils,

            Re-read this entire string of comments. We’ve actually covered that fear. If the advice doesn’t feel good, don’t follow it. No, you don’t have to go out and make a lot of fake friends. You do not HAVE TO do anything. Focus on the feeling and follow the inspiration when it comes (it will feel good). Don’t stop yourself from taking action when it feels right. And she will find you.

            Your mother is afraid for you and is trying to help by giving you actions to take. That’s all. She’s not connecting to your inner being, or even her own. Her advice comes from a place of fear. She just wants you to be ok. You can go sit in the park and visualize. That way you’ll be out of the house and she won’t have a chance to criticize you. 🙂


            Huge hugs!

          • Hey Melody,
            I know i shouldn’t ask so much questions but I got this worry deep in me that have been troubling for a while .

            I’ve dated girls before , and i feel that most if not of of the relationships are like ‘normal”. So i decided i want a relationship that is so intimate , so close.A real companionship . To last eternally.A relationship that only me and my soulmate knows about. Not like one where u just date and marry.And tell everyone u have a girlfriend. I have lots of friends who get a girlfriend to be “cool”. I find it so, well , meaningless to me . I just find what they call “love” just doesn’t appeal to me.

            BUT , many people out there says that this kind of relationship is not healthy .Like how u need a group of friends . How u need to be social. How u need to hang out together with her friends and your friends. I dont know , i know many people likes this kind of lifestyle . But do i have to follow it , do i need to be social?

            I’m afraid that i have to give up my idea of love and suit others idea of love. Is my philosophy of love wrong , do i need to follow others? It will suck a lot if i need to . Does this kind of true love exist at all? The beauty , the forever there , the emotional heaven. Modern society with its sex , and its idea of dating is starting to shake my faith on my idea of love . Does my idea of love hinder the law of attraction workings? Will the law of attraction only give me a love that most people agree on . I am starting be real afraid that my idea of love is not possible. Hope u can give some advice and sorry to take up so much of your time.

          • Arils,

            You can have any kind of relationship that you want. The main problem here is that you keep paying WAY too much attention to what others are doing or thinking or saying. You are making their limitations your own. Stop listening to other people, especially when it goes against what you feel. When you feel negative emotions, it means that what you are thinking in that moment is NOT in line with what Who You Really Are and the Universe thinks.

            So, when you think that maybe you can’t have the relationship you really want, it feels awful, right? Well, that’s the clue that this thought is wrong. You cannot use other people as your guidance. Use your emotions as your guidance. They are FAR more accurate.

            Of course that kind of love exists. What you want is a real connection with someone. You just don’t know anyone that has this kind of relationship. And most of them can’t even imagine the connection you’re envisioning. Don’t let that stop you. Their view of love does not have to define yours. You get to decide for yourself what kind of love you want, and that’s always evolving.

            You can have whatever you can imagine.

            Write that down somewhere and look at it often. 🙂

            Huge hugs!

          • Hey Melody,
            I was wondering if I done all the work in believing and shifting vibration. How long do I have to wait for the soulmate to appear? Is there a divine timing? I don’t really like that concept from Arrielle ford. Isn’t time an illusion?
            If there is no divine timing then what’s causing the delay? I don’t think there’s a divine timing. Sounds very stupid. What causes time delay and waiting? How long do I have to wait? I waited for a year. I hope I need not wait any longer.

          • Hey Arils,

            It’s not so much about time as it is alignment. But as long as you are focused on the fact that you are still waiting, you are not aligned. You may have been waiting for a year, but you haven’t been aligned for a year.

            Focus on how you feel. When you feel good even though your dream girl is not here yet, when it’s irrelevant to your happiness, then you are aligned and she will arrive.

            Often, it’s easier to focus on a different subject altogether and feel good about that than to feel good about something you really want but that isn’t here yet. This is why I often coach people to focus on something unrelated.

            Huge hugs,


  • Hi Melody,
    I’m a guy and I have been using the LOA to manifest a soulmate for 9 months and she is not here yet, so i think something is wrong , and i got a few questions i really want some answers. I’ve just came to this site today and after reading your posts i think you are a really good and dedicated LOA teacher so i really hope you cant help me with my questions.(I may be longwinded , so i apologize first)

    -In this post you said that that girl manifest a guy that is not her ideal list. So if i use the LOA to get a soulmate , and i really want her to be pretty ponytail long hair , and slim petite body. Thats the physical aspects. Will the universe give me something less ideal , like making her fat or other things i cant stand? I ABSOLUTELY cant live with a fat girl . I dont know how to tell you why , but i just cant have a fat soulmate. I really prefer and want slim girls. Its a super deal breaker. Not just a normal deal breaker.SO will the universe give me a fat girl but she have all the criteria in my list except thinness? Cant my soulmate have all the things in the list?What do i have to do to prevent this deal breakers?

    -Second this LOA love coach says that i should socialize more , and even go on dating sites . I HATE socializing and online dating. Not because i am shy , but being in large crowds just drain me out and make me feel overwhelmed. Do i need to take all this actions to find my soulmate? This coach Debi bernt says i should take online dating as it might be the best way to find my soulmate . And if i dont socialize and online date , it will prevent my soulmate from coming. But i really hate online dating , its so un romantic and unmagical. Socializing just drains me out . I prefer just taking walks or go to the library or write.

    -Third , i have quite a few acne scars on my face, and i’m only 5’7.5 tall , will this flaws prevent my soulmate from liking me , or do i have to settle for someone ugly and bad?

    -Finally , i have this really cool dream yesterday , i dreamed of my soulmate! Not someone i know of .She is slim , black long ponytail hair , and beautiful spectacles(I just love girls with specs:)). She is everything i ask for in a soulmate! Its like a perect dream in my whole life! Is there a meaning to this dream , or is it just a normal dream with no meaning. Because this dream made me feel so hopeful and excited that my soulmate is coming soon . Like a really weird feeling , i’ve felt before. Is this dream really a omen , a precognition , or just a normal dream?

    Sorry for being long winded , but i really want to solve my final questions, i think she is coming very soon . I think you are pretty wise in LOA and i hope you can also give me some good tips on this journey of me manifesting a soulmate . I did a lot on this journey , even improving myself and personality to fit my coming soulmate. Just that this questions needs to be solved . I really hope you can solve it:)
    Joy for you:)

    • Hi Arlis,

      Welcome to Deliberate Receiving. I’m happy to answer your questions. 🙂

      1.) Will the Universe bring you fat girl when you really don’t want one? Why would the Universe do that? It’s not an a-hole. The Universe knows exactly what you want, down to details that you don’t even remember but will appreciate when they come. But if you focus too much on the details, you can actually block her from coming. Why? Because when you focus on what you don’t want (and even when people focus on the details of what they do want, they are generally focusing on what they don’t want), you are contradicting the vibration of what you do want. The short answer is: NO. You don’t have to settle for a fat girl. Relax.

      2.) I don’t know in what context the other coach told you to go out and socialize, so I’m not sure what she was getting at. But my advice to you is this: If you don’t like online dating or going out to clubs, don’t. Of course, it’s beneficial to get out of the house. Give the Universe a chance to let some women cross your path. That’s a lot harder to do if you’re sitting on the couch in your underwear all day. 😉 But forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do is never beneficial. Focus on what you want, on your dream girl and do it in a way that feels really good. Then, allow yourself to be inspired to the right action. You don’t have to work at that. Just follow your impulses. You’ll be led to just the right spot at just the right time so you can cross paths with her. But even if she’s on an online dating site, if you were to force yourself to go there, and were there in an attitude of hating it, you would not be a match to her in that moment, because you’d be miserable.

      3.) No, your acne and height will in no way hinder your manifestation of your dream girl, unless you believe that they will. Part of what makes your dream girl your dream girl is that she’s attracted to you, just the way you are. Believe it or not, acne scars aren’t nearly the deal breaker that people think they are. Your dream girl will think you’re perfect. But if you allow your scars and height to make you feel inadequate, that could block the manifestation. She won’t care, but if you do, you can cause discord. Like being with a girl who is gorgeous but doesn’t believe it is constantly needing validation…

      4.) Your dream is a manifestation. You lined up enough energy so that you could manifest your dream girl in your dream state. Keep focusing and looking forward to meeting her. Nothing has gone wrong. You are lining up more and more. Over the last 9 months, you did a lot of cleaning up of your beliefs until you could truly believe that your dream girl exists and that she’ll love you back. You’re so close now and your dream is an indication of that. Do you see how every detail was perfect? How she wasn’t fat? How you didn’t have to settle? That girl can manifest in real life, too, as long as you keep a positive expectation and don’t allow the fact that she isn’t here yet to get in the way.

      I hope all of this made sense. 🙂

      Huge hugs!

      • Wow , Thanks for your answer:)
        I got just a few more thing that need clarifying .
        -Lets say if , IF ( i wont do that of course) , if i dont get out of the house at all but use the LOA , will the girl appear? Or will the universe only give me my soulmate if i go out more. Because even if i go out , i only go alone (Library , walks or jogging), i dont really like to hang out with my friends. Will this delay or prevent the soulmate from arriving?
        -And i have currently have this feeling cut of all contact with my friends just ignore all of them . Like if i hang out or talk with them at school or outside. I feel even more sad and lonely. In fact i feel better eating alone at the school cafeteria, it is the faith that my soulmate is coming that made me feel unlonely. Is this healthy if i want to get my soulmate ? Or do i have to continue connecting with my friends . Because this few months , i just feel disconnected with my friends. In fact i just feel repulse towards all of them . Could it be a sign from the universe? Or at least the feeling is always there , but i am recently conscious of it. I just feel like some force is pulling me away from all of them ,preparing a better place.
        Hope you can help:)

        • Hey Arlis,

          You’re very welcome.

          I wrote a blog post fully answering your first question. You can find it her:

          Regarding your second question: It’s very common as you raise your vibration, which is essentially what you’ve been doing, that you stop resonating with your old set of friends. If they’re not willing to also raise their vibration to join you in your happiness, they will stop being a match to you and they will gravitate out of your life. This can feel a bit lonely at first. But you don’t want to force yourself to spend time with people whom you longer resonate with – that will be very uncomfortable, or you’ll be dragged back down to your old, lower vibration and that won’t feel good either. Let them go if it feels better to do so and don’t worry about being lonely. It’s a temporary state and one that will allow you to get to know YOU better. It’s easier to listen to your inner voice when you’re alone. But more friends, new friends, friends who will match your new, higher vibration will come into your reality soon, as long as you don’t keep feeling lonely and focusing on that. Enjoy this time while it lasts and honor how you feel. Then, enjoy the next phase of your life where you match up with friendships better than you could’ve imagined! 🙂

          Huge hugs!

          • Thanks for your answer melody:),
            but i dont agree with what you said at your third question when i can look as ugly like crap and my dream girl will still appear and like me. Does that mean , an ugly , mean , bitchy , evil , stupid , fat , old , girl can just use the LOA totally and manifest a perfect guy (or girl if he is guy?). That didnt make a lot of sense. The secret support team said to me when i emailed them how to manifest a soulmate They said that i must match my ideal partner. If i want her to be kind , i must be kind. If u want her to be beautiful , i must take care of how i look and love how i look. If i want a quiet girl that loves me forever. I must also be quiet and be constant in my affections . If i want my perfect partner to like to read , i must also like to read. I think that makes more sense. Rather than , i just say i want my soumate to be (Hot , love me forever , kind, serene) And i dont improve my self to match my perfect partner.
            What do you think , because thats what i’ve been doing all along all this while, to constantly improve my character and personality , to art it. To match my ideal partner. What do you think? To basically dont improve yourself and use the LOA to manifest an ideal soulmate. Or to improve yourself and manifest your ideal soulmate, because you match her.Then she appear. Which do you think is the correct and true way. I would think and prefer its the latter. Its seems more fair to your ideal soulmate too. Rather than just being an asshole and use the LOA and still get manifest your perfect lover. You are a LOA expert . Which do you think is the right one?
            Oh ,and by the way its Arils , not Arlis. And thanks for your previous answers , they have been really helpful and comforting.:)
            Joy for you:)

          • Hey Arils,

            Apologies on the name! Oopsy!

            Here’s the thing: If you focus on what you want and get into the feeling of having that relationship, where you truly believe that you can have the girl of your dreams just as you are right now, you will need to make no changes to yourself. However, you may well be inspired to become more and more of who you really are as you align with that energy.

            There’s a difference between taking care of yourself in order to feel good about yourself and taking care of yourself BECAUSE you feel good about yourself. The first does not necessarily lead to feeling better (it can, but doesn’t always), while the second ALWAYS works. Of course you can change yourself into the man you want to be in order to help you achieve the feeling of being the man you want to be. But with that approach you run the risk of falling back into old vibrational habits the second anything goes “wrong”. If you see any kind of evidence that doesn’t match what you want, you’ll start to feel bad and you’ll drop all the actions.

            If, on the other hand, you focus on the feeling first, you will become a match to the woman you want by becoming the man you want to be who will attract the woman you want, and that may lead to some action on your part, but you’ll no longer be dependent on the action to feel good. You’ll be a lot more stable in your point of attraction.

            I don’t disagree with the advice that the Secret team gave you, I’m simply explaining it on a different level. If you want her to be kind, and you focus on her kindness, meaning you focus on kindness, and you truly find the feeling of kindness, you can’t help but be kind yourself. So yes, you can focus on BEING kind, but that does not necessarily mean that you’ll feel kindness. If you are taking kind action in order to make something happen, it can be fake. And that won’t attract your dream girl. If taking kind actions makes you feel kind, it will work. Do you see the difference?

            You must be a vibrational match to the person you want to attract. As you become a vibrational match, the physical evidence of that match will materialize automatically. You’ll start being kinder. You’ll start taking care of yourself better. Etc.

            I hope that was clear.

            Huge hugs!

          • Wow , thanks:)
            But there is one thing that really frightens me. What if the girl i have on my list DONT EXIST? Because my list is not your standard list that most guys want(Hot , loves me like a slave , willing to have sex , good at bed , etc)
            My list is very different or weird if i need to give it a word. Some of the qualities include(Single , Mysterious , yet pretty. To have been through pain and still have faith , to have almost been through suicide , intelligent , etc) . Well i pick this list because i am somewhat like that too. And i want a girl like a piece of art. So i fear that the girl does not exist , i mean how many girl is like that? And all the girl i’ve met that are attractive all currently have boyfriends. Its like only the ugly and desperate ones are single and the pretty ones all have boyfriends. I just fear that the girl that i want does not exist. I just have this thought recently , because so many , if not all , the girls that are pretty and good all have boyfriends. Through my experience , this is true! Its so disappointing at times. Like u see a girl that is really great, then she has a boyfriend…
            In short my list is really different from most guys . To summarize it, that kind of girl with that kind of personalty mostly exist in a book. I was quite hopeful at first but i just have this thought that the girl on my list is way too unique to exist in real life. I mean after seeing so many facebook profiles , so many girls are all the party type and are no where where i want, i start to lose hope? But i dont want to cut short my list . Do i have to? I really want it . The reason i made that of list is because i want a girl who is so unique and so Artful and like an art. I want her to be a piece of art .The types u can write a story about. Is that wrong , must i really change my list . Or can the girl on my list become a reality if i believe.
            I know i’ve been asking too much questions , and sorry for bothering you , but i really need some advice from an expert, before i proceed.
            Joy for you

          • Hey Arils,

            No, you don’t have to change your list. If you can imagine it, it’s possible to receive it. But I feel quite a bit of resistance in you around this subject. You doubt that she exists (false belief) while focusing on a very specific list of qualities that you don’t think you can have. That must feel awful.
            You can have every single quality on that list, but my advice would still be to forget about the list for a little while and just focus on what you like about the women in your reality (not on what you don’t like, for example, that they all seem to have boyfriends, which is also not true). By doing this, you are not giving up on your list, you are simply giving up the resistance – the trigger of the belief that you can’t have what you want. Every time you see a girl, ask yourself what you LIKE about her. DO NOT focus on what you don’t like or how she isn’t exactly what you want. Focus on the qualities that do match up with what you want. See the beauty and perfection in all women. That will attune you to the frequency of what you want and then all the details on your list will fill in.


          • I don’t get it. I have to forget everything on the list ? Then how can the universe deliver it to me if I don’t focus on what I want. Didn’t the law of attraction says to get what I want I have to know what I want?
            And what u mean by focusing on what I like about the women in my reality? I don’t know much women in my reality. And the women I know are all not even close to my list. So what do I do?

          • Hey Arils,

            The following blog post explains the concept of not focusing too much on the specifics, when doing so doesn’t feel good:

            Currently, you look at all the women you see in terms of how they do not fit your list. So, you are looking at them and saying “not the one. Not the one. Not the one.” And what you are lining up with, energetically, is “Not the one”. The Universe knows exactly what you want, down the last detail, because you’ve been defining it all your life. You don’t have to keep telling it what’s on your list. The Universe knows that list better than you do. Your only job is to line up with the girl that matches that list, so that she can come into your reality. And you’re currently not doing that.
            So, when all you notice is how all the women you are meeting are wrong in this way and that way, you keep lining up with the energy of what you DON’T want.
            But, if you start appreciating women in general, start seeing how this one has nice eyes, and that one has a nice smile and you like how your neighbor’s wife laughs easily, or the girl on TV is wearing sexy glasses, you begin to raise your vibration to one of appreciation. When your dream girl comes into your life, will you not appreciate her? If you start appreciating now, whatever qualities you can find, the Universe must bring you more things to appreciate. So, you start small. You notice isolated qualities in the women in your life and you appreciate those qualities, even if the woman doesn’t match your list in any other way. That doesn’t matter. You are not lining up with THAT woman, you are lining up with appreciation when it comes to the subject of women. You have to let go of this idea that you’ll be forced to settle for what you don’t want if you don’t keep harping on about what you want. By constantly going over your list, while simultaneously focused on the fact that the women in your life don’t match it in any way, you are splitting your energy in two opposite directions. Look for beauty and any qualities you can find to appreciate. Even the smallest details and ignore the rest. You are not looking for women how are perfect for you in every way, you are looking for qualities, details and reasons to get into the feeling of appreciation. Do that consistently and you’ll find yourself seeing more and more women with more and more of the qualities on your list until finally, the woman of your dreams shows up.

            You will never completely understand these concepts logically. Try it out and notice how much better you feel. Notice how the women get more and more beautiful and how you can find more and more to appreciate. You have to be willing to experience it to understand it fully. So, my advice is to give it a try and see what happens. But really give it a try. Allow yourself to feel the appreciation in some small way for every woman you come across, even if it’s just for a teensy part of her.


  • Melody,
    I am 32 years old and have been single for years because of one bad relationship. Ever since then, I have been afraid to let anyone get close to me to the point that I don’t even look for guys. I have tried being what I thought was “Picky” because I didn’t want to settle. But years have gone by and I have had no luck. Do you think I am still comparing to old negative thoughts and not enough on the positive thoughts of what I do want?


    • Hey Rev. Lynn,

      That’s perfect. I like the idea of saving time and energy, ha, ha. The ideal is when we can let go of the need to try and control the details (we’ve already done that) and just allow our manifestations to come. If we could be in that state most of the time, our manifestations would be instant. 🙂

      Huge Christmas Hugs,


  • Hi
    Just stumbled on this – long story. but I have been in the same situ myself and this is what I know – from my studies of the LOA AND my own personal experience
    a) if the relationship is making you unhappy, if you find yourself questioning more than enjoying, its probably not for you. Remember we are meant to be ‘in the Vortex’. I had many nights wondering if my ex was for me ….he matched 90% of all that was on my LOA list of qualities in a partner ( funny, right age, sexy, intelligent etc etc )except I was feeling a bit neglected and not feeling very secure . If I am questioning and hes not making me feel happy then I am not in the Vortex. And no amount of positive appreciation could make me feel wonderful about it.

    b ) also ask your Guardian Angel to come up with the answer. I questioned if the man I met was right for me. I loved everything about him but I was feeling insecure. and I couldnt park this no matter how I tried. Trying to appreciate the positive qualities as many as they were, was such hard work to try and negate my insecurity, I was soooo not in the Vortex. I said to my guardian angel ‘give me a sign as to whether this is the right man for me ‘…….and, within a week, he said he was toying with going travelling having been made redundant. I don’t want to be with someone who is going to disappear for 3, 6 or 12 months…….so now we have split up and I am free to meet someone who makes me feel secure ( as well as all of the other qualities I am looking for)

    Hope this helps !
    Michelle xx

    • Hiya Michelle,

      Thanks so much for the comment! I have some thoughts here:

      If a guy doesn’t seem right for you, it could be that he isn’t, and it could be that it’s resistance. In any case, focusing on positive aspects will help.
      The important thing to remember is that NO guy will get you into the vortex. Ever. Only you can get yourself into the vortex. Having said that, if your reality is so distracting that you can’t get yourself there, if you can’t get happy while being with a guy, get out and clean up your vibration when your resistance isn’t smacking you in the face.

      When you asked for a sign, I’m guessing that you had a preference and you simply wanted permission to take action on it – you had already decided that you wanted to leave and had lined up your energy with that. That’s perfectly ok. You realized that you were unhappy and you did something about it. But no guy will make you feel secure. Get to a vibration where you feel secure and a guy that mirrors that back to you will show up. 🙂

      My two and half cents. Plus a dollar. And a hug.


  • “Set your intention to connect and fall wildly in love and then stay open to whatever comes your way.”

    Done! Thanks!! Wow, that line struck a chord. I’ll let you know how it works out.


    Mary Carol

  • Thanks for using my photo in your post; it really means a lot to me………

    My advice is don’t limit yourself with a list; be open-minded, have an open heart and just see what happens. Otherwise, you can assemble a list, go to a dating service and find someone to fit those parameters but the chances of it being your soul-mate are probably pretty slim.

    If you give it a chance, you will ‘know’ what attraction is.

    • Hi Bill,

      You’re so welcome. I was a bit weary when you sent me unsolicited topless pics, but I have to say, these were worth it. 🙂

      I couldn’t agree more. Set your intention to connect and fall wildly in love and then stay open to whatever comes your way. It will either be “the one” or an opportunity to clean up any resistance that’s keeping the one at bay. I’ve been blindsided a couple of times by men who I would’ve never been attracted to “on paper”. But once i got to know them, I realized they were amazing – with qualities I didn’t even know I wanted, but then realized I totally wanted. They were in the database, I just wasn’t consciously aware of it anymore.

      Huge hugs to you!

  • Okay, I didn’t attract a man, but the story of my wife and me is one that I can’t talk about and NOT realize just how much the Law of Attraction played into it. We had met through a mutual friend online (before online was cool). My then-girlfriend was actually the one who introduced us. That had been a relationship I was just certain was meant to be. I had met a pen-pal through Kristin (who would later become my wife). And when my relationship with then-girlfriend went south, I was devastated. And a year later, my pen-pal relationship with Kristin began to grow. We began to know each other so much better. Even all those years ago, I had been attracting Kristin into my life. And now, three beautiful daughters later, it’s still magical!

    • Oooh Bryan! You just made all my female readers swoon. 🙂

      Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. Isn’t it great how seemingly “failed” relationships are actually the perfect way to lead us to what we really want? It’s all perfect.

      Huge fuzzy hugs,

  • “He treats me like his princess. But he’s a bit too short, not that fair or well built, and not in the profession I wanted.” LOL, this made me laugh.

    Okay, so I suppose you could use the law of attraction to find the perfect man. Actually, I think the Melody would agree here, we are always using a lot of attraction, we just usually use it to find the exact wrong partner, because we focus on those traits.

    I wonder though, is looking for a guy who is a professional athlete a reasonable request? Can we ask anything of the law of attraction? Could we ask for the guy equivalent? Like a girl with unreasonable proportions… hee hee.

    I asked because, actually, that’s exactly what I got. I think this stuff does work after all. ;D

    • Hi Fred,

      I love how your software has turned me into “the Melody”. It’s so mythical. Ha!

      Anywho, it’s not unreasonable to have specific requests, but it may not be the quickest and easiest way to getting what you really want. The key is to figure out why you want those traits. Usually, there’s a false belief behind them. There’s a difference in feeling between thinking “Wouldn’t it be great if I attracted a girl with ginormous bazoongas” and “I will not be attracted to any girl who can stand upright without assistance.” One is having a preference but staying open, the other is limiting and exclusionary. The vibraitons of those two thoughts are vastly different. If Panchi appreciates and admires professional athletes and dreams of perhaps meeting one, that’s different from excluding everyone BUT athletes, especially if that trait isn’t actually important (what that trait represents, is).

      The more you relax your “rules” and the more open you become, the easier it will be for the Universe to bring you what you want, unreasonable bazoonga requests and all.


      • Hahaha, “the Melody”.. nice!

        Yes, I think I get it. I think I attracted someone like I wanted through the same methods that you’re talking about (her poor back.. Always hurting, I hope I didn’t inadvertently cause that – whoops 🙁 )

        I wasn’t super worried about it or anything, but I suppose I did have that preference.

        You know, this is a super cool niche to write in. You can pretty much apply the law of attraction to everything. They remind me of that The Simpsons episode where they say they have ideas to go for years and years.

        yay the Melody!

        • I know, right? Since the LOA applies to everything, I can pretty much write about whatever pops into my empty little head.

          I think I may have to do a post about chocolate. Or sex. (I’m not really all that complex…)

          No worries, you didn’t CREATE a woman with, um, back problems. You simply lined up with one who already existed and was also looking for a long haired gamer/blogger/future postman. And the Universe found you one! How cool is that?? Go, the Fred! Ha!

  • Gosh Melody, that´s cracking!

    I guess Panchi knows that if this guy would be the right choice for her she wouldn´t be asking this question concerning him (2. applies generally, but if in her case, she would have formulated the thing differently; something like “I really don´t know what to do, I´m confused, he´s so small, has this queer build and, oh my god, works as a … and I don´t like … anyway. What should I do? (Please notice my pleading and approve!!!)”).
    And if she asks herself, if she should go for this a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, she maybe should remember how it felt really being in love. Then she realizes maybe how silly her question is (and there is nothing wrong with being silly).

    It avails you nothing being with a guy you are not really in love with no matter how tempting it seems mirroring yourself in his eyes.
    Love is an energy you feel in your body, something which dissolves shame and concern and uncertainty. Just go for it and leave the rest.
    But how can you know if love is about to strike, if you focus on a list your mind has concluded? You don´t need to commit to anything anyway when you are meeting with a guy, just don´t give in to his or your ideas of a relationship when your heart doesn´t approve (pay attention to your bodies signals).

    Great post! (Though the universe has, just in my particular case, deleted the huge database, I´ll have to send the request again, fu*ing universe..)

    Sara 😀

    • Hi Sara,

      I would agree, only it’s also possible for people to be blocking themselves from love. In other words, there’s the whole idea of “when the right one comes along you’ll know it” thought, and that’s true, only that’s not the whole story. It implies that you just have to wait around, at the mercy of fate, and well, that’s just not true, from my perspective.

      When we have resistance to falling in love, when we’re afraid of connecting deeply with another person and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable (and who isn’t??), we can be surrounded by “perfect” men and not even see them. Panchi has an opportunity with this man, who is right in front of her, to figure out what her resistance is. Then, he she may align with him, or another man will come in – one who who will knock her socks off. The problem is that even know we know it when the right one comes, we have to first open the door so that he CAN come in. Otherwise, he’ll be standing outside the door, flowers wilting, forever. 🙂

      Ha ha ha. I don’t think the Universe has deleted your database, although I know the feeling. Perhaps you’ve just put up a firewall… 😉


      • Yeah, there´s only one thing we fear more than not being loved – being loved. But we rarely dare getting in the vicinity of it, so we wail about not being loved.
        Wail wail wail 😉

  • I’m not looking for a man, maybe it’s because I’m not gay (…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Put those shotguns down you gay-rights activists…sheesh!!), but I can relate when it comes to looking for the right girl.

    I never make lists. To each his / her own, but to me lists limit your perspective. You can have certain criteria for the partner you want, and maybe know what you can and cannot tolerate, but making a list is probably good for short-term dating and maybe simple friendships. People change all the time. I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. There are parts of me that have been the same ever since I was 3 and there are things that I liked last month but have no interest in today. So making a list only means you have your dream guy / girl at that moment. A professional athlete could get into an accident and paralyze himself. A supermodel babe can and will get fat when there’s a baby in her belly. What if she needs a cesarean? Will you be able to ignore the scars on her belly?

    The truth, or rather my version of the truth, is that there is no perfect person out there. You are your only perfect person, and the only way you’ll find the absolute perfect guy is if you clone yourself. That being said, it’s not wrong to have specific wants, just as long as you’re willing to have fun and make some changes. That’s how we learn. People are unique. A list will limit your expectations and force you to want certain somethings from your partner. Having a flexible list means you’re open to new ideas. So what if he’s not an athlete? You and him / her could learn a sport together instead. If you allow yourself to be open towards different types of people that are beyond your expectations, you’ll be surprised as to how much you can actually learn and how differently you can see the world from behind their eyes. Love and relationships are a great way to learn. It’s the only kind of relationship that has no boundaries and is unique.

    • Wow Derrek,

      I love your perspective on relationships. Very enlightened. 😉

      I agree with you. There is no “perfect” person out there, not in terms of what most people think. We tend to look for other people who will make us feel a certain way, when no one can “make” us feel anything, if we don’t feel that way ourselves. It all comes back to feeling good in the first place and cleaning up our own crap first. I got rid of my list years ago. Well, for the most part. As I dug down into the “why” of things, specific physical attributes simply became “I want to be physically attracted to him.” What do I care what his hair color is, as long as he makes me all tingly? There are too many professions out there for me to even know about, so trying to narrow it down to something was too difficult. I realized that I don’t care what a man does, as long as he’s passionate, switched on and feels successful (whatever that may mean to him.) Interestingly enough, that’s exactly what the Universe has been bringing me. The men I meet seem vastly different, but they’re fascinating and beautiful. If I stuck to some list of attributes, I’d eliminate most of them outright. That would be a total shame.

      Oh, and BTW, “pregnant” is not the same as “fat”. You’re bound to get slapped for that one. Might as well be by me. Yeah, yeah… You’re welcome.

      Melody 🙂

  • Sent this on to a number of people who are hoping and looking….yep it is that positive focus…

    I apparently am not much of a romantic…because my guy is not at all, yet he meets so many of my wants and when I thought I wanted an artist…well he is but of foundational things – not so much painting or sculpture. It is kind of amazing how it works out. And I thought I would never get married, because I attracted such “needy” men – it was all in the lesson

    • Hi Patricia,

      I’ve been thinking about romance lately, particularly the expectations we women have in our society (more so in the US than in Europe, interestingly). We need our men to do certain things in order to prove that they love us enough. Often, we expect them to read our minds. And then we call that romance. The problem is with the standardization of these expectations. We think that a man has to do a certain thing, and if he fails to do it, he doesn’t love us. But different men will show their affection in different ways. And if we don’t stay open all the ways, we may very mistakenly come to the conclusion that he doesn’t care. For example, he may show his love by fixing the car, but you’ve decided he has to bring you flowers. It’s just a miscommunication… I’m a big fan of being direct. If I need a man to bring me flowers every once in a while, why can’t I just tell him that. Because it’s more “romantic” if he reads my mind? I think our definition of romance needs an overhaul… 🙂

      It sounds to me like you attracted the men that helped you to evolve to the point where you could attract your sweet hubby. And I love how you recognized his inner “artist”, even if he doesn’t express it in paintings or sculpture.

      Huge warm fuzzy hugs to you,


  • What a lovely video, Melody!

    Coincidentally (not!), a friend and I were talking about this yesterday. Her feeling is that an amazing man is out there for her, and she just needs to keep raising her vibration until she matches up with his. How cool is that!

    One of the dilemmas of my life has been whether my path is to figure out how to be in a healthy relationship, or whether my path is to relax and enjoy being on my own. After some poor choices (good men, bad match for me), I don’t trust my judgment.
    I think the universe is smiling, and then it all goes kaflooey and I run for the hills. How are we supposed to tell if we are “meant” to be single or in a relationship? Is there such a thing as “meant”?

    A related question is, what does the LOA say about ambivalence? What happens when you see two contradictory things as really, really, really equally fine? Is ambivalence a form of detachment, a positive acceptance that “it’s all good”? Or is it an illusion, masking a limiting belief that you don’t/can’t/won’t accept? Does ambivalence keep you from manifesting good stuff? Or does it allow you to see good stuff in whatever form it comes??

    Okay, full disclosure. After re-reading the last paragraph, I’m coming in on the side of ambivalence = open mind = good. I’m curious what your thoughts are, Melody and everyone.

    Whew! Time for a siesta! Hugs, thanks, and warm thoughts,

    Mary Carol

    • Hi Mary Carol,

      Your friend definitely has the right idea. 🙂

      Remember that there is no destiny. No force outside of yourself is determining what’s best for you. You are not “meant” to be anything. If you want to have a relationship, you can have any kind of connection you want. The kaflooey bit was a clear manifestation of your resistance. You’ve got some cleaning up to do, that’s all.

      Allowing ourselves to connect with someone on that level is, for many of us, one of the scariest things we can do. We’d rather stay single than go through all that “hell” again. Only, we don’t have to manifest a bad relationship, or a limiting one. If you’re afraid to be smothered, work on that fear and manifest someone who will give you freedom. If you’re afraid of someone who will be moody, work on that fear and manifest kindness. There are a ton of fun, wonderful, kind, funny, dancing, adventurous, ticklish, courageous, vulnerable, spiritual men out there. You can attract the exact combination you want, the perfect one for you, but you have to be willing to release the fears and line up with what you really want.

      Ambivalence simply means that you’re vibrationally on the fence. You haven’t lined up with either side, you haven’t made a decision (possibly out of fear. Better to not care than to care and be disappointed?) This isn’t a bad thing, it just is. You don’t have to be passionate about anything, no one is judging you. But if you don’t want to be ambivalent, if you are waiting for a “sign” to tell you what to do, remember that the sign is a manifestation of your vibration. So you can choose something and you’ll see a sign (of alignment or resistance), or you can simply shake up your energy (meditation, or by taking some kind of action) and then see how you feel about things. Ambivalence will always feel better than fear, but it can’t hold a candle to passion. 🙂

      Did that answer your questions?

      Huge hugs (LOVE the siesta. I take a nap at least a couple of times a week. Hell yes)


      • Thanks, Melody! Yes, you answered my questions!

        LOVE your line, “Ambivalence will always feel better than fear, but it can’t hold a candle to passion.” Maybe I’ll get it engraved on my forehead. Fear is the key. Fence-sitting is totally different from being fearlessly open. Yes! Mil gracias!

        A place to start with the relationship thing may be to feel what I love about being single, and feel what I love about being in a relationship. I’ve been wondering what happens when we just generally raise our vibration, without a specific goal. My sense is that the best will flow in, whatever it might be, since the universe already knows the soul’s goals. Maybe this ‘issue’ is a good place to start. I’ll try to be fearlessly open to all possibilities!

        Time for another siesta. Enjoy!

        Mary Carol

    • Hi Carol, I can relate to what you say about “poor judgement”, I´m not good at it. Over time I have learned many things about how people come to be how they are, like social origin, intelligence, values, emotional preferences, talents etc., but all these things eventually don´t give information about soul connections. As it is said that love doesn´t take place between the sheets, but between the souls, it doesn´t take place between matching personalities either (neccessarily). And when we are talking about vibrations, we are talking about the real thing – which remains in the unseen (at least for me). And, as Melody always says, things will strike you, when you are open enough; it has something to do with the degree of vulnerability you´re exposing and emanating without resistance (fear) – then you might raise your head, and someone looks into your eyes mirroring it back to you.
      There is no need for figuring things out or restriction in any direction, as things will come to you when you are ready to let them in.

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