It’s time for another Law of Attraction Video! This is the third video in a series on negative emotions. In honor of today being Valentine’s day, I thought that I’d dedicate today’s video to the subject of… wait for it… Lust. Rowr.
What exactly is Lust?
The Dictionary defines lust as:
- intense sexual desire or appetite.
- uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
- a passionate or overmastering desire or craving: a lust for power.
Well dear dictionary, you forgot the positive definitions for lust, such as “a lust for life”. Because in its pure form, lust is simply an intense desire for something, and there’s really nothing wrong with that. Desire is at the heart of how we evolve, how we expand. We want something, we line up our energy with it and we get it. Rinse and repeat. Without desire, there would be no evolution. There would be no us. So, there’s nothing wrong with lust in its pure form. Just as last week’s video about the Sense of Entitlement explained that this emotion in its pure form isn’t actually a negative emotion, so it is with lust. It’s not negative unless and until it becomes associated or coupled with something else that creates negative emotion.
Why do we see lust in such a negative light?
The main reason is that lust has become so heavily coupled with sex. Now, lust isn’t actually about sex. You can lust after a car, a job or a house. Lust is simply an intense desire for something. But it’s become so deeply coupled with sex and in deeply puritanical societies (which most of us still live in), sex is a horrible, horrible thing. Just horrible. *sarcasm alert*
Even if you don’t believe that anymore (and I hope most of you reading this don’t still believe that), it’s still possible and quite probable that you have some remnants of old beliefs within you that sex is somehow shameful and bad. Therefore, it’s possible for you to lust after someone but believe that it’s bad. That’s going to cause a vibrational discord and THAT’S going to lead to negative emotion.
What else can cause negative emotion when you lust after something/someone?
Anything that negates the idea of you actually getting/achieving what you’re lusting after will cause negative emotion. Again, you could be lusting after a car or a house. If you have any belief within you, such as “I can’t have that”, “I’m not going to get that”, “I’m not worthy of that”, “I shouldn’t want this in the first place” (for example, if you’re lusting after a car and you believe deep down that wanting material possessions is bad), then that’s going to contradict what you want.
Or you may feel that you MUST have this thing in order to be happy (which is considered obsession), but you’re probably not going to get it. That belief is going to negate the energy of what you want.
If you have an intense desire for something and you also have a belief that states that you can’t have that desire, that belief will create vibrational discord and it’s this discord that causes the negative emotion – NOT the lust.
Stop hating on lust. There’s nothing wrong with it, especially not today. So go forth, my pretties, and lust all you want. Seriously. Just make sure it feels good, because as long as it feels good, you’re experiencing pure lust. If the desire feels bad, that means you have an underlying, contradictory belief and you’ve got some releasing to do.
What do you think about lust? Is it ok to lust or does that word still carry a negative connotation for you?
If you’d like to work with me to release negative and limiting beliefs, please check out About Melody.
Thank you for clearing this up for me. I have started studying the roots of the word “lust”(as the roots of other words that denote “sin” like greed and glutony) because when I was a Fundamentalist Christian I would go out with girls I wasn’t attracted to because of my sexual feelings that I felt were so “sinful” towards the really hot girls with those short skirts at church that I lusted after(the youth pastor would chastise me for lust, the other guys would chastise me for lust, the irony is if a guy dates someone he DOESN’T lust after-same applies to the ladies-they are deceiving the one they get with by lying to them because they DON’T want them and selfishly keep that person from being with someone who DOES lust after them as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so those hypocrites at church were demanding that I lie to women due to their own sexual hang ups…never ceases to amaze me). When I denounced all Theistic beliefs and became an Atheist(no debates please-only mention that as a point of reference as I don’t care what anyone else believes), I still had those old feelings for a number of years until at 30 I realized I was thinking about sex like I did when I was 12. Slept around enough(only a few women, maybe three) to realize that those attitudes I was manipulated and brain washed into are only there because in churches the overall belief is that if a guy embraces lust they will ALWAYS be extremely promiscuous(and to me fooling around isn’t as appealing as I thought it would be), loose the ability to be intimate, somehow without intending to leave a string of broken hearts, or some other fear based mumbo jumbo like that so they try to be everyone’s babysitter(I am 33 and I need no babysitter). I have started studying the “dark” religions that actually make sense to me. Controlled selfishness so it doesn’t hurt anyone else(and use protection if you are going to be promiscuous, no protection is stupid). I started wondering if being in this “Christian” culture that we live in, how much did that affect American English? It seems to me somewhere along the way some fanatical nut case theologian who wanted to castrate themselves(and thought that every guy should want to chop off their wanker because sex is so VILE!!!) decided to change the definition of the word “lust”. Now I make it a point to have all the sexual fantasies I want, to revel in them and have been doing that for a almost four years(and the irony of that is if reveling in THIS life, all those sexual fantasies make people healthier according to SCIENCE which equals longer life if people play their cards right by taking care of themselves more often than not as opposed to the death that was promised me as a child that the preacher lied to me about-sure the afterlife even though he has no idea what happens after this, but the death in THIS life due to LUST-not old age, not sickness aside from STD’s that a person is guaranteed to get due to lust, blah blah blah). Without lust, envy, and pride there would be no ambition-without ambition would we have automobiles, airplanes, antibiotics, the net, Mozart, Listz, Beethoven, Apple, Steinway, went to the moon, etc? Now I simply and boldly revel in these things but I don’t push that on anyone because if other grown men think they need a babysitter, more power to them. Again, thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective here. I like your metaphor of a babysitter. I’ve always found it kind of condescending to treat people as though they were too stupid to know what they wanted or needed. And the idea that we are all born damaged and need to prove our worthiness in order to be allowed back into heaven never sat right. I mean, if God is really loving, then why would he set it up like that?? And if he did set it up like that, he’s really kind of a sadistic bastard. That wasn’t going to be a God I wanted to pray to (what if he heard me and started messing with me? It’s like dealing with the Mafia. The less they know of your existence, the better…) I became an Atheist too, for a while, but it didn’t quite work for me. But it did allow me to really examine many of my beliefs from a whole new perspective. How we look at sex is one of them. I don’t know if you’ve read my recent post on sex, but I’ll link to it below. You may find that interesting as well. 🙂
Something I have always wondered, but more strongly seeing I am in unrecipricol relationship…
It is a bit of a private thing, but it confuses me. Is the natural sexuality of a human being.
I often wondered if we evolved, are we more inclined to be pansexual???
I’m a very emotionally intense person. I’ve never been attracted to casual sex. Even as a very young woman of 13-14 I started thinking of romance and sex, but even in fantasy it was with a commited man.
As I get older I have thought it would be nice just to let go and just date people without getting into a commited relationship, but I found the men I am atracted to are intense and looking for love not lust.
The men that just want one night stands or “players” do not attract me. They seem like male bimbos and also the kiss-and-tell types.
So casual sex looks horrible risk to me, even kissing random people seems risky.(but, why, oh why can’t a single person do this? It seems like fun to kiss as many people as you could.)
I feel too much emotional responsibilty, so I denied myself from dating men for the sake of dating so as not to lead them on.
I feel if I don’t want to be played, I can’t play. So in between long-term relationships I felt annoyed and lonely. I didn’t want so much sex, but dating and kissing would be great.
So many people just date, why can’t I date a few people at the same time before commiting? What my huge loyalty obsession?
So I’ve never cheated or been cheated on or had casual sex.
All I want is an intense, monogamous relationship, but since I don’t have that I wonder if my thoughts drifting to what it would be like if many people loved me and I could love many people.
I noticed that when happy in a relationship and they love me, I have all I need-is to be loved.
Ideas of others repel me.
I’d never act on it as I’m too jealous myself, but something I feel like an evolved person could do this and that I am straight, but an evolved person wouldn’t have barriers. An evolved person would be pansexual?
But I only like men. Is that resistance I wonder? Surely we are designed to like anyone?
And I wouldn’t be jealous as that is a low vibration.
Again I only thought about this in unrequited love situations, so it might just be loneliness and not an inspired though?!
But what if everyone could love everyone? What a crazy, but lovely world!
Hoooboy. You can’t make a statement like “And evolved person is pansexual”. We all get to have our own individual preferences. An evolved person honors their preferences and doesn’t feel badly about them, nor has a problem when others have different preferences. You get to want what you want. Give yourself permission to be straight and monogamous and loyal and to want deep connections and not get as much out of casual encounters. That’s your preference, and it’s perfect for you. The only problem is if you think that there’s a problem with it all. 🙂
Great topic! That was an eye opener for the people who just know and think of lust as a negative emotions that deals with “sex”. Most of it avoid the feeling of it or mostly deny that they lust because they think that it is bad but in a wider point of view lust only becomes negative if the person lusts for something that is negative but to open up our minds there is nothing wrong or bad for lusting. It’s human nature, its good and normal to feel that way because lust doesn’t really means having a sexual desire, it is something that a person really wanted to have. For so many years I have been one of the people who thinks negatively about lust and know i thank you for posting this article and give me a wider perception and real meaning of lust. The meaning of a thing depends on how a person judge and see it. We have our own views and opinions. At the end, the bottom line of it is we just need to be an open minded person and don’t easily react in a negative way. 🙂
Welcome to Deliberate Receiving!
You’re so right. Lust is only a negative emotion if we associate it with unwanted things. And yes, it’s all in how we perceive things. And the big secret is that we can control those perceptions, if we choose to do so. I choose to perceive lust as a natural feeling that is necessary for evolution. There’s nothing wrong with the pure emotion of it. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and thank you for your kind words.
You would have thought with lust in the title I would have been over here a lot sooner, huh? I’ve been a busy boy, but once I saw the title there was no way I was going to pass this one up……….:).
Hey, I’m not hatin’ on lust; I’m diggin’ on it for all it’s bawdiness. Do you think there is a certain stigma attached because it’s also ‘shameless’ in the eyes of some? Basically, the dogged pursuit of pleasure, regardless of what is looks like to get there.
Lust, passion; those are good things. I want to see some life in you; it will make you feel alive, right?
I knew you couldn’t resist Bill! When the lust fairy calls, you may no longer run, but you will still eagerly saunter on over. He, he, he.
Ah, shamelessness. Yeah, I’m going to explore THAT one in an upcoming video, since shame has been used so heavily by the human race to try to control each other. And Yes! Lust makes us feel alive! It gives us a rush, as Derrek said. And anything that feels that good is a good thing. 🙂
Thanks for bringing your wonderful sense of humor and valuable view to the party, Bill.
I always enjoy the humorous nature of your posts! When I read that one can lust after a car it reminded of an article I read the other day about strange addictions. Apparently there is a guy here in the USA that has an intimate (sexual, emotional) relationship with his car. I guess there is a show on one of the networks that deals with strange addictions, dude and his car are going to be on one of the shows.
OMG Todd, that’s too funny! Of course, addiction goes WAY beyond pure lust, resulting from a desperate desire to feel better and having associated that better feeling with the subject of addiction. I have to confess, I’ve never heard of a man being sexually obsessed with a car before. I mean, obsessed with cars, yes. Lots of men (and women) are. If they’re rich, they’re called “collectors”. But sexually? Although, I have heard of people who fall in love with inanimate objects, so if you’re gonna do that, why not a car? I mean, at least your “partner” can take you places. Not like the boring toaster who just wants to sit at home all the time. Sheesh.
I’m with you Melody, a car would be better than a toaster. Here is the link if you want to check out the teaser video.
Oh dear… What has been seen can never be unseen…
I wouldn’t wanna’ be near him (and his car) when they’re at the gas pump. Talk about spicing things up with…urmm, “toys”.
Ohohohoho nooooooo. I will never think of pumping gas in the same way again… 😉
Thanks for that, Derrek! He, he, he.
Melody, I love the photo you chose for this post 🙂
“If the desire feels bad, that means you have an underlying, contradictory belief and you’ve got some releasing to do.”
Pretty fascinating how the mind works and as a society we can take on a belief and really feel it as “true” when all the while there really is another perspective.
We, as a society have taken on a ton of ridiculous beliefs, and we all kind of just assume that they’re true. But when we begin to dissect them, we see that there is no longer any basis for that perspective, and perhaps never was. When you change those perspectives, you open up a whole new world. 🙂
I’m going to say something here only because you, Melody, and the people here are open-minded enough to understand it. I love lust. It’s an awesome rush that lets me know I’m alive and this body of mine can feel and long and desire for things. It doesn’t have to be the lust for sex (although that one is one of the best rushes of all) though. When you LIKE something, you smile and are happy around it. When you LOVE something, there’s a sense of peace and inner happiness. But when you LUST for something, there’s an increase in heartbeat, a surge of electricity, and a sense of freedom.
Because humans have free will, it’s hard to say if all of us will truly prioritize “reproducing”. Lust is just nature’s way of giving you that push / boner to keep the species going. Otherwise we’d screw up the course with logic / careers / condoms / videogames / everything except bed-rocking…to the point where we’d be an endangered species. :p
Like everything else, there’s an art to this. A lot of people consider lust as a negative emotion simply because they find themselves obsessing over whatever it is they’re lusting over. The key to this, for me at least, is that you DON’T have to have what you’re lusting over. If you see a superhot chick / guy on the street and feel a rush, just acknowledge the rush. Don’t resist it, don’t judge yourself, and most of all don’t associate it with your happiness. You felt lust. Now, it’s your choice to go after the guy / girl. OR if you cant, for whatever reason, just walk away. It doesn’t change the fact that you lusted over the person. You just didn’t depend on the other person to “lust back”. End of story, move on, yadda yadda.
Of course if lust is a problem that’s causing obsession and addiction, you should stay away until you clear your internal conflicts and messes. Lust by itself is just an emotion. Lust coupled with other negative emotions and insecurities makes for a very dangerous cocktail.
You make a really great distinction: Lust is an intense desire that you can feel viscerally. You get a boner for it. Ha! And you’ve explained it perfectly here. If you don’t judge it, resist it or NEED it, Lust feels great. Long live Lust! 🙂
Indeed lust is good. If the fact that it is associated with sex makes it “bad” or “wrong” – I’d say sex is good too. (I read a list of 50 benefits somewhere). Either way, I think lust is a great way to desperately want something and go and achieve it. It has a major positive side to it and I think we can leverage it to take action. After all, the more we want something, the higher the likeliness of getting it, right? 🙂
Love your writing style!
I would agree with you: Sex is very good. It only becomes “bad” when we try to use it to achieve a goal other than connection and pleasure – when we try to control how the Universe will bring us what we want. When sexy is needy or manipulative, for example, it’s mixed with a lot of negative emotion.
Yes, the greater the desire, the faster the energy around that topic will be moving and the easier it is to line up with. But… that also means that the greater the energy around that topic, the more painful any resistance we have to that thing will be… And then we blame poor lust for that pain. Sniff. 😉
Thanks so much!
more good words Thank you…
You’re welcome Patricia.
Ultimately, lust isn’t good or bad (actually nothing is good or bad until we decide to put a label on it). I openly lust after my very hot husband all the time, even after being together for 15 years. I do associate lust with sex but I choose to see it in a “good” way, as something fun and playful.
Melody – I love how you break things apart, making it so apparent how we dress up simple things in complicated packages for no good reason. And then we protect these precious packages even when (and sometimes, especially when) they don’t serve us. Makes us question what we’re really doing. Love it!
Oooh, yummy! I love that you still “openly” lust after your hubby! I hope you still do that when you’re 80.
Thank you so much for your kind feedback! I’m so glad that my explanations resonate with you. That’s what they’re here for. 🙂
I tell ya, there is so much crap that was feed into so many of us about what we should believe about lust. We should not want, blablabla…
I was told a long time ago that if I was feeling that things were easy for me in life I wasn’t doing the will of God… (not from my parents thank God 🙂 )
That is why, eventually, I started to rebel by getting deeply involved with personal development, law of attraction, the subconscious mind and all that good stuff 🙂 and now trying to spread the message through this great invention of all… the internet 🙂
Oh wow. If you’re not suffering, then you’re not doing the will of God. It always amazed me that they could say that with the same breath as “God loves you”. Huh. Did this make sense to ANYBODY?
Ha! I love it! You rebelled by getting into personal development. I guess I did, too. We’re rebels!!! Grrrrrrr. LOL. Love it! Thanks for that, Sylviane!
Huge rebel hugs!
Lust sort of has a negative connotation to me still but only because of the underlying contradictory belief as you mentioned. For instance, I can lust all I want over a 65″ HD LED TV but if I have a load of debt to already pay off, well then it’s probably wise for me to take care of the debt first. Or if I have the urge (lust) to cheat on my husband, but underlying is a deeper emotion of knowing I love and respect my hubby more than that and being honest and loyal means more to me than giving into a whim. Or lusting after that bacon cheeseburger and fries but down deep I know I value my health more than that. If we give into our lusts at the expense of our deeper rooted values, we’re in for MAJOR discord! I have experienced this all too often. ICK! Forget it. I’ll lust after what Mr. Harris suggests, for this is where I find true fulfillment of my lusts!
You make a really good point. When you lust after something that isn’t going to serve you, so isn’t really in line with what you want, it’s not going to feel good. The discord between “I want the cheeseburger” and “The cheeseburger is bad for me” will cause negative emotion. And, of course, even this example is greatly simplified. We’ve been taught, though, that the answer is to stop the lusting, when really, the answer is to get to the bottom of what we’re REALLY lusting after, what stands in the way of that, and then to line up with that. If you momentarily lust after another man, that doesn’t mean you actually want to cheat on your husband. But it could mean that you had a thought about yourself that made you so uncomfortable, that you really wanted a distraction from it, or that you felt undesirable for a moment and thought being desired by another man would fix that, etc. In other words, the lust, when it doesn’t feel good, is a messenger. 🙂
Lust is desire at its max, and desire is the fuel of creation. But I urge you all: Lust for life; lust for peace, love and light; lust to know who and what you are; lust for sharing, giving and gratitude; lust for balance and harmony in all things; lust for joy and happiness for all; lust for love. Lust for giving and not getting, for receiving and not taking–do this, and all that you could possibly want will manifest in every aspect of your life.
Amen brotha!! You’re so right on Philip! That’s what the dictionary was missing – showing us that we still have some educating to do. Lust can be a wonderful thing. Lusting for new experiences, for joy, for deliciousness. I love your list. They should put THAT in the dictionary. 🙂
Huge hugs! (lust for hugs?)
Years ago I associated lust indeed with negative emotions … I think it was part of my education and even more of the negative influences of christian religion.
During the last 15 years I learnt that sex is not bad at all, nor the lust. At the contrary, lust is very enjoyable. It is the disability to deal with lust which causes negative emotions.
Lust Lust Lust!
We deserve it 🙂
Thanks for sharing
Yay Lusty Marc! He, he.
You’re so right. It’s how we deal with Lust and how we feel about it that causes the issues or not. The belief that things that feel really good must be sinful (and the judgment of sin in general) is so pervasive. But it doesn’t serve us, at all.
I’m glad you need no convincing!
Happy Valentine’s day to you and your honey!
Love the photo! So many people say my dog is half bear, and now I can say she had a very brave papa. Hee hee.
How does lust work with “or something better”? I think of lust as for something specific, and am not sure how to lust and still leave the universe room to maneuver. If my underlying desire is for happiness, tranquility, love, security, then lusting after something specific feels too close-ended to me.
I can see the fun in opening up to lust. As you say, it can be an intense pure emotion, a lot like joy. But then, it’s the lust itself that feels good, not the getting-whatever part.
Sending you a lust-filled (pure!) hug,
LOL Mary Carol. Glad to be of service. 🙂
Regarding the specifics, you are now the xth person this week to ask me about that, so I am writing a blog post on that very subject (should come out Thursday, NEXT week). So, I’m going to make you wait for your answers, he, he.
Huge beardog hug!
Thanks for this share. Yes, lust is definitely a negative emotion, and when someone says this word i remember right away of intense sexual desire or appetite, just as the dictionary explains it.
So, you have a negative association with sex? You know.. without sex, there would be no humans. :o) Just like with everything else, sex for the right reasons (when it feels truly good, isn’t being done to prove something or to try and provide something that’s “missing”, but just as a consequence of authentic connectedness) is a beautiful thing. But we have surrounded it with so much fear and guilt and shame that it can be really hard to find the positives in it. I say, we keep trying, though. 😉
Hehehe, no Melody, i mean on INTENSE sexual desire 🙂 not a normal desire! Thanks for your comment anyway, i really appreciate it!
Huge hugs! 🙂
Great topic and you brought up a lot of great points. This word definitely has a negative connotation to it,but as you said, in its pure form, it is an emotion that is quite natural. It is very important to consider the energy we form around the things that we want because we often sabotage ourselves with guilt, feeling like we will not get it and other counterproductive feelings. I have been becoming particularly aware of this lately as I have noticed a great shift in my energy. The results in the outer world are starting to reflect it and it is truly hitting home how careful it is to monitor and shift our thoughts and feelings.
Right on Kelli! Congrats on your awesome progress! The truth is, there’s no such thing as truly “negative” emotions. They all serve us. And everything is allowed. It’s ok to want – that’s the basis of all expansion. And it’s even ok to be in pain. It’s just not necessary. But it’s not “wrong”. There is only stuff we want more of and stuff we want less of, and each of us gets to decide for ourselves how we define those categories. 🙂
Huge hugs to you!
Hey Awesome Melody,
Now, I will be able to use Lust for anything I want openly 🙂
Your thinking cap is really working superb for you as well as for us. You are as usual Awesome in this video.
Thank you once again for this series.
Huge Hugs & Lots of Love,
Yay Sameer! Lust away! Just make sure it feels really good!
For some reason now I’m picturing you wearing a long khaki-colored trench coat, hiding behind a car in a supermarket parking lot…waiting for your next, urmm…”audience”. :p