In the last few weeks, I’ve been asked the same question, in one form or another, over and over again. When that happens, I take it as a sign that tons of you are pondering or struggling with something and it’s time to sit my butt down and write a blog post about it. My butt and I are happy to comply. Oh, and because so many of my awesome question askers prefer to stay anonymous, I’m just going to assign the following moniker to these askers from now on:
“Awesome Dude” asks: I think I’ve got all the bases in my life covered, except I haven’t been as great as I would like to be in my love life. So I am applying the non attachment principals and visualizing and feeling the emotions as if I were already dating the woman of my dreams. One quick question: in your blog post about attracting a girlfriend, you don’t really say to be so specific about what you want, focus more on the feeling. In other articles I have read (not on your blog although some readers do say in your articles’ comments) that when you visualize the situation you want, it’s important to see the person exactly the way you want. Merely feeling the emotions is what attracts / puts you in the spirit of receiving, so is it necessary to be very specific or not? Will being very specific pose more resistance?
Dear Awesome Dude,
What an excellent question. Here’s your answer:
Visualizing doesn’t create a thing
First, it’s important to remember that the act of visualizing doesn’t actually create anything. Visualization is simply a tool we use to allow us to see if we’re aligned with what we want or not, and if not, to help us get there.
You can look around at your reality and see where your vibration is at. Your reality will mirror that back to you. And when something in your reality feels off, it is mirroring your resistance back to you. But, you don’t have to wait until your vibration manifests into physical reality – you can check where it’s at before that happens by visualizing. When you visualize a scenario, but don’t try to guide it, your vibration will create a visualization that matches your energy on that subject.
Let’s say that you want a girlfriend, but you have a belief that beautiful women aren’t very nice. So, when you play pretend about going out with a beautiful girl, your fantasy takes a turn for the worse. You see her being kind of a bitch to you and your friends, making little passive aggressive comments and as time goes on, you see yourself having to put up with worse and worse behavior from her.
Now, you can guide that visualization deliberately and mould it into something you’d rather match up with.
Changing the visualization changes your vibration
So, you fantasize about going out with this girl, but you imagine her being really nice. Now, at first, this is going to feel off. It’s going to feel fake, and you’re not going to really know what words to put in her mouth. What does a nice girl say? What does she sound like? How does she make you feel? You keep trying out different dialogue and different scenarios until you find some that feel better. You spend some time with this visualization until you actually feel ok about it. Fantasizing about a nice girl no longer feels off – it feels natural. As you mould the fantasy into something positive and spend enough time with those thoughts to make them feel comfortable, you are actually shifting your vibration and lining up with the vision of what you want. You will no longer attract beautiful but bitchy girls. Instead, gorgeous, nice women will start to show up.
Now, when you visualize, you can get really specific – like daydreaming about an actual woman you know, seeing yourself meeting up with her in a specific location, talking about certain subjects, etc. Or you can be really general, fantasizing about a faceless stranger, not really trying to determine how you’d meet or what you’d do, just focusing on how you’d feel around her, seeing the two of you laughing together, flirting, snuggling, etc. What’s the difference?
The key to how specific you get is in how much resistance you have.
It’s easier to feel good when you’re thinking general thoughts. This is because specific details often trigger resistance. For example, you may have little resistance to meeting a girl. But when you fantasize about Veronica from the coffee shop, you have lots of resistance, because you don’t think that there’s any way she’ll ever go out with you. That belief will cause a specific visualization about Veronica to feel bad. In that case, you have two options:
1.) You can dig up the belief about how Veronica will never go out with you and release it so that fantasizing about dating her will feel good.
2.) You can visualize more generally and take Veronica out of the equation.
When you begin to visualize something you want, start off really general. Allow whatever resistance you have to the very idea of your desire to come up and work it out.
Once a general visualization feels really good, get a little bit more specific. Now, more resistance will come up. You can either go back to more general, or, you can release the beliefs that have just been triggered. Stay with this level of specificity until it feels really good.
Rinse and repeat.
If you get to a level that you can’t shift, that you can’t work into a good feeling place, just back off and visualize more generally. As long as your visualization feels good, you are tuning in to what you want.
But what if you can’t stop thinking about a specific girl and it feels really bad?
In that case, I recommend you read the following blog post:
If you’d like some help finding those better feeling thoughts and shifting your vibration so that you can feel better and line up with what you want, check out my LOA Life Coaching.
What do you think? Does or did visualizing have you confused? What tricks do you use to shift your visualizations to a better feeling place?