Dear lovely readers,

I am currently on a weeklong  Spa vacation in Austria. While I’m gone, I’ve decided to publish one reader question per post.  Enjoy!

In all of the descriptions of guys women want to attract in relationships, they usually mention someone attractive and handsome and fit. I have a question. If all the women want great looking guys (or most of them at least) where do the obese and not great looking guys go? And if they in turn want great looking women, where do the not great looking women go?

I know everyone has a different definition of ‘attractive’ and they might not all rank ‘looking great’ as the highest factor on their mates list. But assuming that everyone wants to be in a relationship with an affectionate and romantic guy, then where do the ill tempered and cold guys go? Won’t all the romantic ones get taken?

What an excellent question! I will have to give you a multi-faceted answer:

Everyone says the want a hottie, but WHY do they want that hottie? They want someone that they are really attracted to, someone that rings their bells, and in many cases, someone that they can show off to the world, which is really a desire to be approved of. So, you may date a bunch of hotties, because you think that’s what you really want, but you can’t seem to find anyone to fall in love with. That’s because being attracted to someone physically isn’t the only thing on your list. When you focus on what you really want and line up with it, the Universe brings you what you truly want – someone that makes your knees weak and whom you can deeply connect with.

Second, what exactly is a hottie? One could argue that we have set a certain standard of beauty in our society. And a lot of people will tell you that they don’t agree with that standard. We each have our own, personal list of what we find attractive and often, that list looks nothing like a Hollywood casting sheet. And it’s entirely possible to be deeply and passionately attracted to people who would never qualify to be a model, and isn’t it lucky that this is so, considering that almost everyone in the world would not? There are people who cannot understand how someone might be attracted to an obese person, and yet, there are whole websites devoted to those who are. “Attractive” is a very subjective term and no one gets to decide what another person finds sexy. And thank goodness for that.

And third, you may really want someone attractive and romantic. But you get what you line up with. And a lot of people’s vibrations aren’t anywhere near the frequency of what they want. In fact, we often line up with and attract the exact opposite of what we truly want. No one wants to be in an abusive or unhappy or loveless relationship. But many have beliefs that keep them stuck there.