Why do guys keep breaking up with me?

Awesome Dudette asks, “I seem to be able to attract the guys I want…but they never “stick around”.  Am I attracting the wrong type? Or is there something in me that is changing? If so, can I reverse it to get a current partner interested again?”

Hey AD. You’re not attracting the “wrong type”. You’re attracting the perfect type – perfect in terms of them matching your vibration. The problem isn’t that you’re not attracting well, it’s that the vibration you’re putting out doesn’t match the vibration of what you want. So, all these guys who aren’t behaving in the way you want them to, are actually helpfully pointing out to you that there’s something in your vibration that you’ll want to clean up.

While I can’t tell you exactly what belief is manifesting here (that would require a conversation), it’s clear that you have associated something negative with having a deeply connected relationship. So, the closer you get to someone, the more likely they are to run away. They can’t help themselves. Your vibration literally drives them away. This isn’t to say that it’s your fault. It’s simply feedback about a bug in your system. And now that you’re aware that you have a bug, you can get rid of it, so to speak.

Try to visualize having a deeply connected relationship. What goes wrong in your virtual creation? Does the guy hurt you? Do you see yourself having loads of arguments? Do some other negative emotions come up? Can you see a guy sticking around? Imagine it one year into the relationship. 5 years. 10 years. Does anything go wrong? These are clues as to how you REALLY feel, which is what you’re looking to uncover.

And yes, it is possible that as you line up with having that deep connection, that a current or former partner will become a match to that new vibration and become much more affectionate. Don’t require them to be a match, unless doing so feels really good. Focus as much as possible on what you want and how you want to feel, and not so much on HOW that feeling needs to come about. When you start to feel better, you’ll know that you’re on the right track. 🙂

 How can you manifest compliments when you hate your looks?

Awesome Chica asks, “Well, you say everything in your reality, literally everything, is a mirror of your vibration. But you also said that there was a time in your life when you felt terrible, you just weren’t in peace with your own body! And you said in the post “What If You’re More Beautiful Than You Think You Are“, I guess, that some people would tell you that you were beautiful, really meaning it, and you just wouldn’t believe them! But if you were feeling so bad about yourself, and your vibration was super low, how could people that would tell you that you were pretty appear in your reality? It’s something happening in your reality that isn’t exactly a match to your low vibration of feeling terrible!”

Actually, it was the perfect manifestation. Here’s why: For me, personally, having people telling me how pretty I was when I thought I was anything but, caused me to feel that discord more acutely than in any other way. It was the perfect trigger. It isn’t for everyone, of course, but in my case, it felt like people were mocking me. If someone said that I had a pretty face, I’d hear “But such a fugly body.” I could turn any compliment, no matter how sincere, into a derogatory comment. There was no better way for the Universe to show me what I was actually thinking. In fact, the sincerity of the comments made it worse. They were offering the vibration of where I wanted to be (seeing myself as beautiful), but couldn’t reach. And that was painful. Compliments were painful to me.

I still remember the day that I got some clarity around this. I wasn’t yet proficient at LOA, but then, we don’t have to be for our natural, Universal processes to take over. A good friend told me I looked pretty and I dismissed him in my usual way. He then proceeded to shout at me “When someone gives you a compliment, just take it and shut the f**k up!” That shocked enough to stop me in my tracks. He then made me aware that I was making him feel like crap for saying something genuinely nice to me. It had never occurred to me that he might actually mean it (my belief wouldn’t allow me to see it that way.) But in that moment, I had the realization that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t quite as hideous as I thought I was. And at the very least, I could stop contradicting anyone who said nice things to or about me.

I remember my friend’s words to this day and they’ve served me really well. I know now that when we contradict a compliment, we’re not only displaying how we really feel about ourselves, we’re actually reinforcing it. And by not contradicting it, we begin the journey of someday accepting those kind words as true.

Feeling Sexy vs. BEING Sexy

Awesome Bonita asks, “I remember I read in the series of answering certain questions to a skeptic, you were talking about an ugly fat woman that would walk on the street feeling like a goddess… If she felt that way, she was supposed to attract people that thought that way and treated her that way! You said that she would, in fact, attract only people that proved her beliefs about herself right, and she would eventually become healthier and prettier! But I’ve got a different story to tell! There’s this teacher I know, she thinks she’s the sexiest person on Earth! She really does, you can tell by the way she dresses, the way she talks, everything about her… And the problem is that she is everything BUT sexy! Everyone mocks her, while she walks around thinking how sexy she is! I’m not telling you a hypothetical situation here, I’m really talking about this woman who thinks she is sexy and has everyone around her thinking the exact opposite! How is that?”

I’m so glad you asked this question. It allows me to make a very important and so often misunderstood point about how we create our reality. There is clearly more than one reality – yours and that of everyone else out there. And just because something is true in your reality, doesn’t make it true in everyone else’s. Think of it this way: Every possibility exists. Your work is to match up with the possibilities that you want instead of those that you don’t want. In order to do so, you can’t demonize the possibilities that you want. You also can’t need everyone else to agree with you, since that would mean that you got to control what their reality or truth was. And you can’t.

So, this woman is living in a reality where she feels sexy. The fact that you and others don’t perceive her as sexy says more about your vibration than hers. In her experience, she is not aware of anyone mocking her (if she is truly stable in her belief that she is sexy), and there are plenty of people who agree with her. You can’t be aware of those people because you don’t agree with their truth and so therefore, you’re not a match to them.

But this woman is in your reality for some reason. Perhaps you’re afraid that if you believe something that others don’t, you may, in fact, be delusional, believing one thing while everyone else around you “knows” something else to be true. But that’s always a risk. There will always be people who do not see things your way. There will always be those who don’t agree with you. This is a perfect example of how that’s true.

Let me give you another. What do you think would’ve happened if Ghandi had chosen to listen to those who opposed him? What do you think would’ve happened if he had needed everyone to agree with him before being willing to focus on what he wanted? You get to CREATE your own experience, whether or not others agree with you. And there will always be those that don’t, so if you make their agreement a condition of your happiness, you will never get what you want.

This woman may never get everyone to agree that she’s beautiful, but so what? If she’s happy and manifesting lots of evidence that she’s gorgeous in her own experience, does it really matter to her if you don’t see her that way? Not unless she cares what you think. And why would she? Why should your (or anyone’s) opinion of her trump her own?

I think your main discomfort here is that you don’t want to believe one thing while others snicker behind your back because they can’t see what you see. But their snickering says more about their limitation than yours.

Instead of looking at this woman as though she’s a bit deranged, perhaps you can practice (she’s in your reality to help you. She’s the perfect example for you to practice changing your perspective on), by seeing her in a different way. You don’t have to pretend that she’s sexy, if you don’t think she is. But maybe you could appreciate that she feels so good about herself. Perhaps you could see how joyful and upbeat she is, appreciate her confidence? So few people feel good about themselves, because they feel they need the permission of others to feel better. Isn’t it inspiring to see someone who doesn’t?

Praise her. Appreciate her. And give yourself permission to praise and appreciate yourself. Even if no one agrees with you. And when you do that, those that do agree with you, will find you. Just don’t expect everyone in the world to join that group.