Why do guys keep breaking up with me?

Awesome Dudette asks, “I seem to be able to attract the guys I want…but they never “stick around”.  Am I attracting the wrong type? Or is there something in me that is changing? If so, can I reverse it to get a current partner interested again?”

Hey AD. You’re not attracting the “wrong type”. You’re attracting the perfect type – perfect in terms of them matching your vibration. The problem isn’t that you’re not attracting well, it’s that the vibration you’re putting out doesn’t match the vibration of what you want. So, all these guys who aren’t behaving in the way you want them to, are actually helpfully pointing out to you that there’s something in your vibration that you’ll want to clean up.

While I can’t tell you exactly what belief is manifesting here (that would require a conversation), it’s clear that you have associated something negative with having a deeply connected relationship. So, the closer you get to someone, the more likely they are to run away. They can’t help themselves. Your vibration literally drives them away. This isn’t to say that it’s your fault. It’s simply feedback about a bug in your system. And now that you’re aware that you have a bug, you can get rid of it, so to speak.

Try to visualize having a deeply connected relationship. What goes wrong in your virtual creation? Does the guy hurt you? Do you see yourself having loads of arguments? Do some other negative emotions come up? Can you see a guy sticking around? Imagine it one year into the relationship. 5 years. 10 years. Does anything go wrong? These are clues as to how you REALLY feel, which is what you’re looking to uncover.

And yes, it is possible that as you line up with having that deep connection, that a current or former partner will become a match to that new vibration and become much more affectionate. Don’t require them to be a match, unless doing so feels really good. Focus as much as possible on what you want and how you want to feel, and not so much on HOW that feeling needs to come about. When you start to feel better, you’ll know that you’re on the right track. πŸ™‚

 How can you manifest compliments when you hate your looks?

Awesome Chica asks, “Well, you say everything in your reality, literally everything, is a mirror of your vibration. But you also said that there was a time in your life when you felt terrible, you just weren’t in peace with your own body! And you said in the post “What If You’re More Beautiful Than You Think You Are“, I guess, that some people would tell you that you were beautiful, really meaning it, and you just wouldn’t believe them! But if you were feeling so bad about yourself, and your vibration was super low, how could people that would tell you that you were pretty appear in your reality? It’s something happening in your reality that isn’t exactly a match to your low vibration of feeling terrible!”

Actually, it was the perfect manifestation. Here’s why: For me, personally, having people telling me how pretty I was when I thought I was anything but, caused me to feel that discord more acutely than in any other way. It was the perfect trigger. It isn’t for everyone, of course, but in my case, it felt like people were mocking me. If someone said that I had a pretty face, I’d hear “But such a fugly body.” I could turn any compliment, no matter how sincere, into a derogatory comment. There was no better way for the Universe to show me what I was actually thinking. In fact, the sincerity of the comments made it worse. They were offering the vibration of where I wanted to be (seeing myself as beautiful), but couldn’t reach. And that was painful. Compliments were painful to me.

I still remember the day that I got some clarity around this. I wasn’t yet proficient at LOA, but then, we don’t have to be for our natural, Universal processes to take over. A good friend told me I looked pretty and I dismissed him in my usual way. He then proceeded to shout at me “When someone gives you a compliment, just take it and shut the f**k up!” That shocked enough to stop me in my tracks. He then made me aware that I was making him feel like crap for saying something genuinely nice to me. It had never occurred to me that he might actually mean it (my belief wouldn’t allow me to see it that way.) But in that moment, I had the realization that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t quite as hideous as I thought I was. And at the very least, I could stop contradicting anyone who said nice things to or about me.

I remember my friend’s words to this day and they’ve served me really well. I know now that when we contradict a compliment, we’re not only displaying how we really feel about ourselves, we’re actually reinforcing it. And by not contradicting it, we begin the journey of someday accepting those kind words as true.

Feeling Sexy vs. BEING Sexy

Awesome Bonita asks, “I remember I read in the series of answering certain questions to a skeptic, you were talking about an ugly fat woman that would walk on the street feeling like a goddess… If she felt that way, she was supposed to attract people that thought that way and treated her that way! You said that she would, in fact, attract only people that proved her beliefs about herself right, and she would eventually become healthier and prettier! But I’ve got a different story to tell! There’s this teacher I know, she thinks she’s the sexiest person on Earth! She really does, you can tell by the way she dresses, the way she talks, everything about her… And the problem is that she is everything BUT sexy! Everyone mocks her, while she walks around thinking how sexy she is! I’m not telling you a hypothetical situation here, I’m really talking about this woman who thinks she is sexy and has everyone around her thinking the exact opposite! How is that?”

I’m so glad you asked this question. It allows me to make a very important and so often misunderstood point about how we create our reality. There is clearly more than one reality – yours and that of everyone else out there. And just because something is true in your reality, doesn’t make it true in everyone else’s. Think of it this way: Every possibility exists. Your work is to match up with the possibilities that you want instead of those that you don’t want. In order to do so, you can’t demonize the possibilities that you want. You also can’t need everyone else to agree with you, since that would mean that you got to control what their reality or truth was. And you can’t.

So, this woman is living in a reality where she feels sexy. The fact that you and others don’t perceive her as sexy says more about your vibration than hers. In her experience, she is not aware of anyone mocking her (if she is truly stable in her belief that she is sexy), and there are plenty of people who agree with her. You can’t be aware of those people because you don’t agree with their truth and so therefore, you’re not a match to them.

But this woman is in your reality for some reason. Perhaps you’re afraid that if you believe something that others don’t, you may, in fact, be delusional, believing one thing while everyone else around you “knows” something else to be true. But that’s always a risk. There will always be people who do not see things your way. There will always be those who don’t agree with you. This is a perfect example of how that’s true.

Let me give you another. What do you think would’ve happened if Ghandi had chosen to listen to those who opposed him? What do you think would’ve happened if he had needed everyone to agree with him before being willing to focus on what he wanted? You get to CREATE your own experience, whether or not others agree with you. And there will always be those that don’t, so if you make their agreement a condition of your happiness, you will never get what you want.

This woman may never get everyone to agree that she’s beautiful, but so what? If she’s happy and manifesting lots of evidence that she’s gorgeous in her own experience, does it really matter to her if you don’t see her that way? Not unless she cares what you think. And why would she? Why should your (or anyone’s) opinion of her trump her own?

I think your main discomfort here is that you don’t want to believe one thing while others snicker behind your back because they can’t see what you see. But their snickering says more about their limitation than yours.

Instead of looking at this woman as though she’s a bit deranged, perhaps you can practice (she’s in your reality to help you. She’s the perfect example for you to practice changing your perspective on), by seeing her in a different way. You don’t have to pretend that she’s sexy, if you don’t think she is. But maybe you could appreciate that she feels so good about herself. Perhaps you could see how joyful and upbeat she is, appreciate her confidence? So few people feel good about themselves, because they feel they need the permission of others to feel better. Isn’t it inspiring to see someone who doesn’t?

Praise her. Appreciate her. And give yourself permission to praise and appreciate yourself. Even if no one agrees with you. And when you do that, those that do agree with you, will find you. Just don’t expect everyone in the world to join that group.

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  • Hi, just after finding this website! Lots of interesting, helpful blogs. I am a big fan of using LOA in my everyday life. The reason I’m commenting though is because this particular blog has interested me. Now being honest, although I’m not a shallow person, looks are an important part of my life. I have convinced myself that I am beautiful, and I love the way I look. I always presumed everyone else thinks this too, even though I don’t get masses of compliments. After reading this blog though, am I just being totally big-headed when, in fact, no one thinks me as ‘beautiful’? Is the reason I don’t get lots of compliments because I am not as beautiful as I think? If I be one hundred persent honest with you, I have to admit that, as a teenager I deeply care what others opinions are of me.

  • Hi Melody, I’m the new kid on the block. Just stumbled across your site……awesome, awesome!

    I do practice LOA on a daily basis. I don’t go anywhere without planning my next move in my head. For example, when going on a trip, I sit in my car and visualize myself arriving safely. Even just going to the store I see myself at the store and finding what I need.

    Thanks for all your wonderful articles.


    • Hey Tony,

      Welcome! It’s great to have another happy shiny puppy in the group. πŸ™‚

      Wow. That’s awesome. Preparing beforehand is truly the easiest way to manifest. So much better than trying to change things in the moment. And why not do it for “little” things like car trips? Those are the activities that we spend most of our day on.

      Thanks for being here.

      Huge hugs!

  • Wow Melody,

    Relationships, beauty and sex. I think you hit the most intense and difficult subjects for way too many people. So much of our lives can be based on being beautiful and sexy enough to have a relationship. I would so often ask myself why and how these things could be so important to me? But at the same time, they practically ruled some parts of my life! And I fought it, because I didn’t want them to be important. Why not? Mostly because of the fear that I would never have/be any of them!!!!

    That denial is a big one! If I allow myself to want something, and believe that I am acceptable enough to have it, what if it’s not true, I don’t get it, and others are making fun of me behind my back, or worse, to my face? So many fears to face, and just in the wanting of something!

    I didn’t realize that my fear of wanting them was just as big an issue. Once I allowed myself to say yes, I want great relationships, I want to be beautiful, and damn it, I want to be sexy…man, the fears came crashing in! 😯 But once I decided, I mean really decide that it’s ok to want what I want, and accepted I could have what I wanted…then things started changing!

    I finally let myself feel good while wanting things. I made it known to myself, that I wanted things. I made sure I felt amazing while saying how much I wanted things. And I continually say what I want, and feel great about it!

    Letting myself want what I want, say what I want, accept what I want, and embrace that wanting with flat out joy, was key for me. Instead of fear, angst, questions, and doubts, I just accept what I want. As you’ve said sooo many times, we deny what we want because we’re afraid we can’t have it. That simple. One you stop doing that, even with just a few things, a LOT of things start changing!

    And I’m feeling it now! I, I, I am the only one that can allow these things into my life. How I feel about myself is what allows any of it. How I feel about myself is what is changing everything. And finally allowing myself to want these things, to accept wanting them, seemed to ease a lot of the need behind them too. They are important, yet not AS important. That I can’t explain, but the relief is amazing. πŸ˜€

    As always, you rock!

    • Nay, that was lovely!

      Melody says to unflinchingly hold what you want what you want while setting the frequency right there. This is great practice! Some of us tend to have bad habits of ruining that frequency and, although we want something, doubt we can actually have it, and begin the “just in case scenario”, even though in LOA or in universal terms, that is not really necessary, yet we feel it is. It is so weird.

      What, then, is the point of wanting? We are here to experience and want things, yet we carry these limiting beliefs that stop us in many cases from having the very things that make us tick. I truly think it is the way we are brought up, and these beliefs get hammered into us somehow to “protect” us from getting hurt or whatever. But that is the whole point of learning and expanding. We need to learn to tweak our vibration to get to where we can allow what we want to come to us, not avoid it altogether for purposes of protecting ourselves from not getting hurt.

      I have yet to learn how all these beliefs entered into human existence, if they are not based on universal laws. I hope I made some sense here. :-0

      • Kat,

        I know! Isn’t it amazing the limiting beliefs that are almost the norm for so many of us? I can remember, even at the age of about 5 or 6 thinking that I would never be beautiful, or sexy. Why would a child think that? The beliefs were already there amazingly enough. I wonder how many beliefs were gained from my family around me, and how many were picked up because of a general (community) vibration?

        And yes, you hit it exactly! Why else would we be here except to learn, enjoy and expand, by going for what we want! I am finally getting that. And enjoying it instead of doubting, worrying, and castigating myself for wanting something.

        And that getting hurt thing…I think THAT is where most of these beliefs come from. Our minds are built to protect us, which was very necessary for our ancestors. But as our universal vibration has risen, the things we used to need to protect ourselves from are not as prevelent. But our minds are still looking for things that may be dangerous, or put us in danger.

        One of those ‘things’ is fitting in/blending and having a crowd around us, or having enough power to keep ourselves safe. ‘Cause in the past, there was safety in numbers and blending, and if you weren’t powerful enough to protect yourself, those numbers and fitting in were even more important. So wanting something others don’t, or standing out, or not fitting in are ‘dangerous’ because we may be ousted! And then we wouldn’t be safe.

        So ‘wanting’ outside the lines…expecting more than others…being in opposition to others desires…all not safe to our danger seeking mind. A vicious circle if I ever saw one!

        Yes, I’ve really thought about this, and gotten most of the above by reading about it and taking what I want! Because I want to make sense of my doubts and feelings. So this makes sense to me, and I use it to analyze so I can get around beliefs. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. But it helps. Every little step… πŸ˜‰ And then I add my joyous rants on what I want, and feel amazing while doing it. Huge strides for me once I started doing this.

        So much to work on!!! I’m actually loving it. πŸ˜€

    • Thanks Nay!

      Yeah… these are big topics, and I suppose I could explore them all separately as well. πŸ™‚
      Making the decision to not only allow ourselves to have what we want, but to go for it (be willing to accept that it’s possible for us to get it), creates a powerful shift indeed. I’ve experienced that many times in my own life and I see it daily in my clients.

      It’s really amazing how the energy starts to flow when someone finally admits what it is they truly want. Often, we have to raise their vibration quite a bit before that desire comes popping out, but when it does, the relief is amazing. The trick is to then not judge the incident and declare it as bad for some reason. That happens all the time. Go with it and your whole world can change very, very quickly. Yay!

      Huge hugs!

      • Yep, raising the vibration enough to allow what I want to even surface…that was paramount to everything else happening for me. Then not judging…that’s still a work in progress, but so much easier now! My key is making sure I’m looking and wanting to feel happy, even when I start dragging. And yeah, my world is changing for the better. Thank you!


  • Oh my gosh, this is all exactly what I’m going through at the moment! I just did a dance performance (burlesque) and in all the pics I feel like I look like a disgusting monster! Horrifying.

    • Wooohooo Kate! Burlesque is hot! I’ve thought about joining a class myself… You know, there was a time when I had to take a lot of pictures. When I was in a band, we took publicity shots a lot and had loads of pics taken at parties and performances. Well, I always hated myself in pics. So, I spent a few hours in front of the mirror, coming up with some poses that I actually liked. I practiced them until I knew what they felt like. And from that day on, posed pics weren’t so horrible anymore.

      Models and actors and those in the public eye don’t just allow someone to take a random shot. When that happens, they look just as awful as the rest of us, lol. They pose and they know how to pose to look good. They’ve practices. I realized that I didn’t need to look good in any situation. If I had one or two good poses, that would be enough for me. And it was.

      So, the next time you’re in that kind of situation, put on your outfit a few days ahead of time and practice posing. You’ll be preparing yourself to look good, instead of leaving it up to chance. You know… just in case. πŸ˜‰

    • Kate,

      That is sooo awesome! I would love to do that! And yeah, I could see me being all angsty about pictures. But I’ve already started feeling better about me, and so, in a few recent pictures I actually think I look decent. That’s a great one for me! So keep workin’ it lady, and KNOW that you ARE sexy and beautiful.

      • Thanks Melody and Nay!

        Yeah, I think I was having a “moment” (read: “meltdown”) last night, b/c when I went back & looked at them today, I felt MUCH better.

        But I am DEFINITELY going to practice poses for next time πŸ™‚

        And BTW, if you’re thinking of trying burlesque, I highly recommend it! It’s so much fun. (And you don’t have to be particularly coordinated.)

  • πŸ™‚ I wonder if unrequited friendship is in the same category as unrequited love?

    If people knocked one down, would it knock all the people-related blocks down?

    On a personal level I found a very strange thing. I was studying and there was a guy that was pretty sarcastic member of the class and I decided I didn’t like him. As usual 85% of the time the person that comes up to me and I’m wary of them ends up being one of my favorite people (or a bully) So I never know as best friends and problem makers come to me in a very similar manner.
    (Of course there are also many that are just jerks and never change.) I found that really curious and wonder why I manifest friends in very distinctive ways…
    πŸ˜‰ Maybe I should keep this in mind next time someone drops a piano on me–I bet that’s going to be my new best friend. πŸ˜€

    In reverse this often happens with “nice” people. We are hitting if off big time only to be disappointed and somehow we don’t stay in touch and we have a few fun ‘dates” then suddenly they disappear, or move or something terrible happens and that was the end of that.

    I found this curious and I’m starting to wonder if I should take a George Costanza view of life and decide that all my natural instincts are “wrong” and I should just do the opposite of what I’d normally do.


    No I’m not balding, I don’t live with my parents! But anyone that reads my stuff knows I’m not really thriving either.
    Maybe I should try this? Would that be taking action or inspired action?

    Food for thought, Melody!

    • LOL Kane, well maybe good old George really was onto something. Your behavior and actions are a manifestation of your vibration, as well. So, your “instincts” come from that place, too. Seen in that context, you could say that your instincts will always pull you in the direction that your vibration is taking you in. But you can’t just change your actions (Billions of dieters will tell you that). You have to change what’s causing those actions – the beliefs that lie underneath. But looking at the actions can help you find those beliefs.

      Now, as to why you attract people in volatile ways, here’s what I think: You have a lot of protective mechanisms in place, and someone has to fight through all of those to get to the point where they can be your friend. And fighting is volatile. You don’t just give up your friendship to anyone, they have to pass your tests to get in there.

      But not everyone is willing to fight (many give up and just gravitate away). If you want to connect with people more easily, you’ll have to allow them in more easily. That’s hard to do, since it means trusting before they’ve proven themselves worthy of trust. But, I suppose that’s where the old George Castanza model would come in handy… πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs!

  • Hello,

    I don’t like reality TV. OK some shows have been a guilty pleasure, but that doesn’t apply to “Big Fat Loser” that had a portuguese match last year. I only saw it once… for 5 minutes… but I don’t like the public exploration of feelings it makes. I understand the curiosity of seeing transformation…

    I forgot about that, and now there is a sign of another show of the same “family branch” in Portugal: abouth overweight people trying to lose weight by doing something they love – dancing. I still don’t like those type of shows, but I found the TV publicity and the signboards really nice – besides the context. In the TV commercial I saw sexy curvy smiling people, really at ease with their bodies. And the billboard has a primary focus on a fat sexy woman. She is slightly on her back, has a Marilyn Monroe dress, heels and a confident posture. I like the fact that the dress doesn’t cover her back and neither her arms, and it’s amazing. I realized that it was about the mentioned show with the losing weight purpose, only after reading the show’s tittle.

    I’ve never been overweight but I am very sensitive twards the portrayal of women.

    I felt really happy that the focus was on that beautiful women and not on the scale (is that the right word? Where people stand to weight? To lazy to search…) that was there… And I felt glad that reality TV might be on the right path to become less nauseating…


    • Wow H. That’s wonderful! I’d love to see those billboards, too. πŸ™‚

      I haven’t seen reality TV in a long time, but at the dentist’s yesterday, I caught a few minutes of a show about people getting makeovers. The sound was turned down, but I was able to see her before and after images and it was astounding. Her whole energy changed (watching TV with the sound off is pretty amazing sometimes). She was more self confident, she believed in herself more, was more willing to talk to people, it was incredible. And it wasn’t just the makeup and clothes. It was days of being surrounded by people who believed in her, saw her beauty and mirrored it back to her until she felt it, too. I think beauticians and trainers can do a lot of good in that department – seeing people’s beauty and success and value even if the don’t, and holding that space until the person can believe it, too.

      The populace must be ready to see women more like that if the billboard was possible. And yes, scale is the right word. πŸ™‚

      I’m proud of Portugal today.

      Obrigada for sharing this wonderful story! πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs!

      • I’m also proud, thank you. πŸ™‚ Finally huge demonstrations here since the 12th March 2011! So glad about that. We have a heavy history about “not feeling worthy”, and all is starting in a consistent basis to shift. πŸ˜€


        PS – I tried to Google it, but I only found articles about the TV show and not that particular billboard. It appears that the show will only be aired in a few weeks.

  • three of them are the answers I’m looking for Melody thanks again! :):) Especially about the men I attract and run away after a short time.I guess I gave up believing I can also have a long term and peaceful relationship a long time ago.Being stuck on HOWs caused my reality today.Thank you again for the great post,love Aylin πŸ™‚

  • Excellent topic! So many women need to take heed of appreciating, loving, and feeling good about themselves without giving a rat’s a$$ whether others agree with them. You know if this thinking became prevelant, the weight loss and diet industries would go out of business. They make their money on keeping us wanting to look like other women that society puts on a pedestal as sexy! We spend so much of our lives, energy, money, time, etc on trying to look other than how we do. It’s a shame that the majority of women don’t feel sexy or even comfortable in our own skin.

    Ok ladies, it’s time to get our sexy back..LOA style…focusing on how we appreciate our bodies, feeling good about all the good things it can do, lovin’ every single curve, hill and valley!!!!

    Whew! I’m havin’ a moment because the ‘we’ I speak about is the ‘me’ typing this response.

    Big Sexy Hugs to you Melody!

    Nefer AKA Kim

    • Hey Kim,

      Yes! Yes! Yes! WE can definitely overcome the programming which happens when we inundate ourselves with those media messages. Of course, we can stop doing that, too.

      I’m with you. I’ve actually been upping my sexy lately, focusing very deliberately on feeling like an elegant, sexy, sex bomb (I got called that once, I like it). And today, as I was walking home from the dentist, having just spent 3 hours being worked on, lips still all numb and droopy (so… not normally one of my sexiest moments), I noticed man after man checking me out as I walked past. It was surreal. And awesome. It was the perfect manifestation. Yay!

      Sexy hugs right back atcha!

    • Hey Kim and Melody, you’ve gone and done it now!! You pressed my passionate button. I’ve always been about empowering women to believe how bloody beautiful, magnificent, wild and powerful they are. Melody will be pleased to hear that I have since dealt with the resistance :] but it used to friggin’ nark the hell out of me that women could and would get sucked into the whole ‘Do you want to stand out in the crowd? Do you want to attract men like bees to sweet, sticky, nectar? Do you want to be a Goddess amongst women? Hop into this handy portable scrub-rub-peel-hose-cleanse-shrink-plump-up-perk-up-sex-up-de-age-primp-shine-radiance-inator and we will magically transform all your dreams into reality’, bullshit.

      If we would only realise that we are already all of those things regardless, do you know what a different world we would live in? Isn’t it ironic that most of the things we long for as adults are things we are discouraged from doing as children. Especially us sublime and dazzling girls. We’re taught not to stand out in a crowd (we know the kind of attention those girls want!), not to attract too many men (we know what men want from those kind of girls!), not to think too highly of ourselves especially with regard to other women (we know what other women do to other women like that!). We are programmed with piles and piles of more crap like this stinking s#!t!

      We have allowed ourselves to be infantilised and sanitised and sterilised, hosed down, stripped down and pared down, carved up, fenced in, boundaried. We have lain fallow for far too long and it is past time to allow our manicured, weed-free lawns to be infused with wild and potent seed. The type that arrives on the wind free gratis, it finds you, it finds just the right soil for it to thrive in. It knows you better than you do. Without doubt it is certain you can house, nourish, feed and nurture the most garish and exuberant blooms. You are the ripe, fertile, moist, rich, deep, dark, nutritious soil it needs to grow strong and true. It will blossom in you and through you and out of you and the whole world will be the better for it, for you, for your acceptance….wait..no…celebration of Who You Really Are :]

      Stop hiding y’all. There has never been a more ‘right’ time to unleash your whole, shining, inspirational, curvy, buxom, voluptuous, exceptional self on humanity.

      Releasing finger from passion button……..now :]

      • Hi Dawnstar,

        I hope you don’t mind my intrusion, but I would have to agree that the messages the media gives for both genders/all humans is confusing.

        In most action movies or Hollywood/commercials in general the only time you see a female is when she is playing the “girlfriend” or sexual release for the male that goes out having all the fun adventures.
        She may get a leading role, but it depends on her wearing some skin tight outfit and knee high boots.
        It’s very rare to see a strong, female character that isn’t sexualized or there for the male audience.

        However when women glamorize themselves or simply look their best in real life…well you get fanatical idiots claiming they are inviting rape… etc and blaming the attractive woman for any nastiness coming her way.

        So this is highly confusing on both sides. A man can compliment a woman or is he harassing her?

        A woman can look her best, now suddenly she is a harlot πŸ™‚ (had to use the my typical brand of pirate speak) that as you say needs to be covered up and sanitized.

        A women wants to feel desirable, but being stared at and followed like a deer being surrounded by wolves feels intimidating.

        If she wears a jumper and jeans “she is not trying” or “dowdy” or in some views being comfortable or conservative and doing the “right” thing.

        Enough to make your head spin!

        What is a real man? What is a real woman? People don’t really know anymore.

        The only peace I can find is the one you describe, doing what you want and what feels right.
        I’m sure any person that gets their vibration on track, like Melody describes will get the reaction they really want anyway.

        But what to do in the meantime? No-one really knows.

        Thanks again for your great comment.

        • Ok, ok, ok. But there are also examples of strong women who aren’t put into skin tight outfits. Does anyone remember Cagney and Lacey (a bit before my time, but I’m aware of them)? Just saying…

          I’ve thought a lot of about this topic and am actually working on a post about it being ok to be spiritual and still like mascara. What makes me feel beautiful? Well, getting dressed up makes me feel beautiful. Spending time focusing on myself in a positive way (which is what I’m doing when I do my hair and makeup) makes me feel good. But I also feel good when I’ve just had a shower, I’m all clean and I just put on a sundress and head out. No hairdo (wet hair in a bun), no makeup (just my fresh little face), nothing fancy. Just me.

          I had an experience just a few days ago: I had a little break between calls and ran out of the house to get some groceries. I was dressed as described above – just showered, hair in a bun, no makeup, very simple outfit. I ran into two people from my old corporate job. Now, I had this teensy moment where I lamented that I really wish I’d have been dressed to the nines when I met up with them, but it passed. They were seeing me, probably for the first time. The happy, shiny me that was always underneath. And didn’t it make sense that they saw me, without layers of makeup and hairspray and cleverly constructed outfits. Just me, bopping along on the street, all happy and in my own little world. That idea made me feel really good.

          It’s just me. No shell, no defensive mechanisms necessary. Just me. And that’s more than enough. We had a few minutes of giggling and laughing and then went on our way. I have no idea what they got out of it, but I know what I did: It was a subtle shift – a making peace with my past just a teensy bit more. A confirmation that I was fine without all those masks. And, a confirmation that my beauty doesn’t come from makeup and hair. It comes from within me. It always has. When I’m happy, I’m beautiful. πŸ™‚

          Double Yay!

          Huge hugs!

  • Hi Melody!

    Can I just say how much I love the pictures you attach to each article, they crack me up! I identify quite a bit with the first question. I can’t seem to get a guy to stick around long enough to connect on a deeper level (even though those who know me will describe me as a really deep person, so the last thing I want are meaningless flings). When I think about it, I suppose my main belief is that a guy will try to get what he wants, then move on to the next girl. I don’t know where the belief originated, but it’s been reinforced by each and every man I’ve ever dated cause that’s what always happens. And the thing is, I don’t have a bad view on relationships or men. I don’t think they’re all A-holes or anything, I just don’t trust that they’ll be interested in sticking around and really getting to know me.

    So, I’ve identified the belief. Are you suggesting I simply stop believing it. Replace the old belief with some healthy new ones. Is it really as simple as that? So if I believe that the next man I meet is going to be so enthralled with me on every level possible, that he actually will? Even though the very same man would act like a bit of a shit if I were to stick with the current beliefs.

    • Hey Ellie,

      Well done!!! Identifying the belief is half the work (sometimes more!)

      You can’t just stop believing something. You have to replace the belief, as you suspected. And yes, if you clear this, you will manifest a different experience. And the same man can potentially give you two completely different experiences, depending on your vibration. It all comes down to you, I’m afraid. πŸ˜‰

      Huge hugs!

  • Great article, Melody! I especially liked “So few people feel good about themselves, because they feel they need the permission of others to feel better. Isn’t it inspiring to see someone who doesn’t?” It most certainly is.

    Just last night I was thinking that this “feeling good” concept is dominant in organized religions as well. It’s just that feeling bad is considered the devil’s work. But Jesus always preached feeling good no matter the circumstances. He understood the vibrational aspects and the fact that feeling good brings good, wanted things into your life. And they do eventually occur.

    • Hey Kat,

      Yes, the feeling good aspect is very present in many religions. But it has often been twisted and conditions have been placed on that good feeling. More and more people are now waking up and realizing those conditions are BS. Yay! But the underlying messages in most organized religions are very much based on LOA principles. and there are many who find their way to their happiness through religion.

      Ahhh. Doesn’t that feel good to realize? πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs!

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