[Coaching Call #016 has just been released. Today’s topic: Getting Over A Divorce After Being Cheated On. I love this call. The client wanted some help getting over her divorce, and figuring out how she attracted a marriage that included adultery. But it encompassed so much more than that, including tons of explanation and information for those who tend to help others to the point of depleting themselves, and how to look at long term manifestations, like a marriage in terms of LOA.]

Lauren asks, “I’ve been focusing lately on raising my money vibration.  I focus on being a money magnet, and being thankful for when money appears in any amount (found a dime on the sidewalk this week and immediately thanked the Universe for it!). In the article you wrote about manifesting the camelhair coat you desired, I understood the mentality of looking at it as something you ‘choose’ not to purchase right now, as opposed to something you can’t afford.  My question is, how do you apply this to monthly bills such as utilities and insurance?  When the bank account literally does not have the funds to pay for a necessary bill and it is long past due – what do you say to customer service reps when they call?  Telling them, “I’m sorry, I can’t afford to pay this bill right now,” just reinforces your current situation right?  Until the Universe does send me what I need, what do I say so that I’m not putting up any resistance towards manifesting money?”

Dear Lauren. I can totally relate to your situation. Believe it or not, there was a time in my life where bill collectors were calling not only me, but my family on a daily basis. I had massive credit card debt, huge student loans and then ended up with a large medical bill, as well. I would lie awake at night, tense and sweating and terrified that I wouldn’t be able to come up with the money for next month’s rent. On more than one occasion, I was very nearly homeless. And yes, I had family that I could’ve gone and stayed with, but I was WAY too proud for that (it was yet another limiting belief I had, that I had to prove my ability to make it, no matter how painful it got. In fact, I was actually proud of how much pain I could endure, and felt my accomplishment would somehow be worth more if I had suffered for it.) During that time, I saw very few options.

At one point, I even tried to go and sell my blood. I’d worked out that if I gave the maximum allowed amount, I could make enough money for groceries. Only, the clinic turned me away, telling me my “veins weren’t big enough” (putting the platelets back in would’ve caused damage). I laugh about that now (here I was, clean scrubbed and having never taken anything stronger than Tylenol in my life, and I wasn’t allowed to give blood while ex(?)-junkies with huge friggin veins were donating by the gallon…), but at the time, I was devastated. Every plan I had seemed to fail, and the Universe seemed to conspire against me in every possible way to make sure I wasn’t just poor, but destitute. And of course, the Universe was doing exactly that. It had no choice. That’s where my money vibration was at.

So, essentially, my point is that I get where you’re coming from. It’s painful and scary, but not hopeless, if you don’t want it to be (and clearly you don’t, or you wouldn’t be writing to me.) Here’s some emergency LOA techniques to help you shift your vibration starting today:

Focus on the bills you CAN pay

Ok, so there’s a bill you can’t pay. Perhaps there are several. But, there are also bills you CAN pay, and I’m going to bet money (ha!) that the paid bills got about 5% of your attention, while the unpayable ones got the rest of the airplay. It’s always like that – we give all of our attention to what’s not working. After all, the paid bills aren’t an issue, so why bother thinking of them anymore, right?

Well, I respectfully beg to differ. Why bother giving any attention to what’s working, rather than what’s not working? When you understand that what you focus on grows, you can ask yourself a simple question: Which kind of bills do you want more of – the payable ones or the unpayable ones? I’m going to guess that you want more of the payable kind (and who cares how many bills you have, as long as they’re all easily payable…).

So, although it’s going to seem totally counterintuitive at first, I strongly suggest that you spend MORE time focusing on the payable bills than on the nonpayable ones. What does it feel like to be able to pay a bill? Well, you’re probably relieved. That’s a good start, but being relieved is more about this bill NOT being unpayable than it being payable (“I’m relieved that I have the money to pay THIS bill” = “…unlike those other bills I can’t pay.”). So, there’s still a bit of a focus on the unwanted. But it’s still a good start because it feels a bit better.

Now, focus on the bills you can pay with appreciation. What does it feel like to focus on your ability to pay a bill? You have the money, you can cover the check you’re writing, you’re able to pay it on time. Notice how this feels. Almost certainly, there’s going to be some thought in there about those unpayable bills. Don’t worry. You’re switching gears here and it may take a little bit of practice to get all the way there.

Go more general

In order to avoid those negative thoughts and keep them from muddying up your vibration, just back off and go more general for a bit. Can you get into an attitude of general appreciation?

Start by trying to appreciate what you DO have, instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Are there things in your life that you can appreciate? Pay attention to how you feel. If this still doesn’t feel great, you’re still activating thoughts of what you don’t want. Back off some more.

Try to appreciate non-material things you have in your life. Your spouse, your children, your friendships. Now, for some people, the feeling of appreciation will be easy when it comes to their family, while for others, these thoughts will bring up feelings of obligation and more pressure. If that happens, back off some more.

Get super general – can you appreciate the sunrise? The ocean (if you’re near one)? Something in nature? A baby’s smile? A puppy’s bark? Your snuggly cat? Nature is easy to appreciate, since we rarely have any negative associations around it. Remember that the feeling is the important thing, not the topic you use to achieve that feeling. So, you can get into a feeling of appreciation by using your grandkids, and actually be lining up with more money.

Keep getting more and more general until you actually feel better and then slowly work your way back to more specifics (if you want to), until you can truly feel good about the payable bills and give them much more airtime than you give the unpayable ones. Note: this process can be done in a day or two, we’re not talking weeks or months here. It all comes down to your willingness to actually give this a try and focus.

Some action items you can do:

There are also some actions you can take that might help you achieve a better feeling around money. Keep in mind that no one can know if any of these will work for you except you – try them and see how it feels. If you feel better, lighter, less stressed, it’s working. If not, move on and try something else. But don’t dismiss the technique because it seems too easy or silly or not painful enough. Energy work isn’t painful. When you’re doing it right, it feels good and easy. You can’t know if something will work for you unless you actually try it.

Make paying your bills a game – you can sing the bill paying song or do the bill paying dance, etc. The point here is to be silly and playful and inject some fun into the whole grim subject of paying bills. You can also put smiley faces on the check or envelope, or come up with funny (positive!!) things you could put in the memo line. You may then choose not to actually write that funny thing, especially if it’s dirty (dirty is generally funny…). For example, when you pay the electric bill, you could imagine writing “Thanks for turning me on” in the memo line (anyone? Anyone? Is this thing on?). The point is for you to lighten up about this whole bill paying thing. Because guess what? If you have enough money to pay all your bills, it’s just not that big a deal anymore.

I used this technique to get myself out of debt, without even knowing it. I was making mostly cash in those days, and so I made an envelope for each bill I had to pay, including some for gas and groceries, etc. As soon as I got some money, I’d stuff it into one of the envelopes. I’d pay the necessities first and then move on to other stuff. I even had a small budget for “fun money”. It wasn’t much, maybe $40/month, but it made me feel good to be able to put money in there. Each time I’d “fill up” an envelope, i.e., each time I put enough money in there to cover that bill, I’d rejoice. I’d dance around a bit, put a cute sticker on the envelope, even cover it in kisses (no tongue, I swear). I was, without even understanding LOA, putting MORE attention on the bills I could pay, as I could pay them, than on the ones I couldn’t pay. I instinctively understood that focusing on the unpayable bills didn’t help; plus, it hurt like hell.

Appreciate the benefits of what you’re paying for – This goes along with appreciating being able to pay the bill. What exactly are you paying for? If you’re paying the electric bill, instead of thinking what a bunch of greedy bastards they are, you could look at what that electricity actually gives you. You have light, heat, a/c. You can cook your meals, keep your perishables cold, and play that Zombie game on your computer. Your TV runs on electricity. So does your curling iron, your iPod charger, and your stereo. The point is, you’re getting a lot of wanted stuff by paying that bill. Why not appreciate it all? It’ll help you to feel much better about paying the bill itself.

Be proactive when dealing with creditors – I learned this one the hard way, but it was a very valuable lesson. If you can’t pay a bill, instead of lying awake at night worrying about it, and wondering when they’re going to start harassing you, be proactive. Don’t wait for them to react to your missing check, reach out to them first. I remember, I demonized the collections agents, and I had good “reason”. They were mean, they called at all hours, they yelled at me and my family. I was afraid of them. And then one day, I had a shift. I asked the collection agent why he was being so mean to me. He stopped dead in his tracks, changed his tone of voice completely and stuttered that he wasn’t being mean. He had simply been assuming that I was lying, just like “everyone else” he dealt with on a daily basis. He was in defensive mode. And of course he was. He was calling people who had already missed a payment or twenty.

That conversation actually turned out to be very pleasant. I was able to set up a payment plan of $10/month until I could pay more. And, I got some very valuable advice from him: If you can’t pay a bill, call the creditor up and tell them. They will generally accept a ridiculously low payment of $10 or so, rather than get nothing at all. If you call them first, they are much more likely to believe you. They won’t be defensive, they’ll be appreciative. You’re demonstrating your willingness to pay and they will cut you a deal.

From an energy point of view, it takes a very different mindset to reach out to your creditors and deal with them more as partners, than to see them as your evil adversary who is trying to keep you in the poorhouse. They’re not evil. They just want the money you, at some point, agreed to pay them (let’s be honest, here, they don’t just come at you out of the blue. There was a transaction at some point). And it’s not their fault if you had bad luck of some kind. Expect them to be reasonable. Negotiate a lower payment for a while until you get back on your feet. That will take a lot of the pressure off (suddenly, it all seems doable again), which will help a great deal with your vibration. You’ll feel a lot better and hope will return.

And saying “I can’t pay this bill right now”, doesn’t lower your vibration any more. That’s how you feel – it’s your truth right now. Admitting it and saying it out loud doesn’t make it worse somehow. It may actually bring relief. Denial is a hell of a lot more painful than the truth. But, there’s a big difference between saying that you can’t pay a bill and feeling hopeless about it, and saying you can’t pay it and looking for a solution. Reaching out to your creditors and seeing what kind of a reprieve you can get or deal you can cut doesn’t feel hopeless at all. It gives you a sense of control, like you can actually make this work somehow.

I used this proactive approach to get a 50% discount on my medical bills. First, I had negotiated a smaller payment because I wasn’t able to pay more. When I got a new job a few months later, I had an influx of cash. Instead of continuing with the payments, I decided to ask how much they’d want if I could just cut them a check right then. They cut my bill in half and I was out of dept that day. Creditors aren’t evil. They just want their money. And they’ll generally take less than none at all. Also, remember that it costs them money to send a bill to a collections agency. If you reach out to them first, you’re giving them a reason not to do that. They will work with you if you’re proactive.

Bottom Line:

Try not to focus too much on what you should or shouldn’t do and pay more attention to how you feel. Wondering if the words you’re using are going to give the Universe the wrong impression means that you’re not really yet understanding the process. The words you use are largely irrelevant. How you actually feel is important. So, ask yourself, are the words you’re using making you feel better or worse? If you feel better, you’re on the right track. The Universe knows what you want and is trying to give it to you. You don’t have to worry about making it understand. It’s your job to line up with what you want, period.

Want more?

The following blog posts also deal with the subject of money:

Becoming a Money Magnet – How To Make Money Your Bitch (Make sure you read the comments in this one. Hint: There’s rapping.)

Economic Crisis? What Economic Crisis? Part 1

Do You Feel Guilty About Having More Money Than Others? Part 2

Now it’s your turn: What techniques have you used to feel better about money and paying bills? Share in the comments so everyone can benefit! 🙂

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  • I had an extension of this inspired by new insights from Abe videos:

    How does one feel good about this when they are hungry, and an autopayment/fine took out money from the bank and there’s some days until you get paid?

    In that case you are hungry and the irritation comes from being hungry. I think that genuine physical need is harder to move up on ladder or concentrate. It seemed like the ultimate LOA challenge.

    I felt inspired by Abe videos but on that point getting back to the flow seemed like a task & I couldn’t answer the question.
    I also had the strange sensation of despite usually being generous, not wanting to help this particular person.

  • I love this article for the sheer fact that it is important to feel in control and to not give your power away. Also, it is nice to know you’ve been through it, from a practical sense, and not just throwing theory at people. I played a game yesterday when paying my bills of paying them with love and then imagining a zero on the end of them and imagining that final figure timed by 4 and then 12 to be my yearly income. It was a fun exercise, instead of a pain in the royal a**

    • Hey there Maryam,

      I love your game!! Paying bills with love!! I once took my paycheck and scanned it, then photoshopped a 1 to the front of the amount, printed it out and looked at it all the time. Within a year, I was making that new monthly salary (actually, a bit more). The key is not to make the amount so big that you can’t believe it anymore. If I’d put a 10 in front of that number, I wouldn’t have manifested it. It would’ve been outside my belief system. There’s so many wonderful ways to play with money! 🙂

      Huge hugs,


  • What if someone else like family or friend is the one in debt? What do we do if they don’t believe in this stuff?
    How do we pass the message on?

    What if one can pay our bills but we personally lack money? i.e. Always have food and shelter but …
    new clothes…bzzzzt (fail buzzer) extras? bzzt! Advanced medical care? bzzzt! Money for expensive things like dentist? bzzzt….. Entertainment, holidays, HAVING FUN money? bzzzt!

    I do feel lucky that I’ve never been in minus or debt and I do appreciate what I have. So how do I
    a) get that person out of debt
    b) get myself out of “just enough to survive”

    Does it make the situation worse if more than one person in a house, apartment block, street or area have a low money vibration?
    Can “bad vibes” make a situation worse?

    • You can’t get someone else out of debt. You can only line up with a version of them that is more secure. There’s a difference there. It always comes back to how you feel (annoying, I know).

      You do exactly what I’ve said in this post. Focus on what you do have in a way that feels truly good to you. Do it so much that the other worries fade into the background.

      And yes, a low vibe area can help make things worse, but only if you let them. Positive areas can support your work and negative ones can make it a bit harder, but ultimately, your vibration is within your control. You’re much, MUCH more powerful than your environment.

      Huge hugs!

      • Sorry for the belated thanks. How does one deal with debt if they are out of work, and no income coming in?

        -How would a kid under working age manifest money?

        • I would say, don’t focus on the debt. Focus on the life and feeling you want to have. And yes, it does work.

          The child shouldn’t focus on the money at all, but on what he wants the money for. Money is just ONE way to get what we want. He shouldn’t limit the ways in which his manifestation can appear to only one distribution channel…



  • Mellow-D, another awesome article! I like the comments, and reply’s. Hmmmm…….that one about masturbation was interesting.

    So many people concerned about $$ now-a days. Gas prices are close to 5 bucks a gallon here in Northern California. You should here the rants (or maybe you shouldn’t.) I told someone complaining about gas prices and the government yesterday to not worry about it, just make more money. Really, since all of this we see is our interpretation of what we think is real, then why not create (which is free) a different reality? Ah! But how, you say?

    I know for me with my personality when things get tough, I get tougher. In the past when I was strapped for money (less than zero) that energy was a launching pad. All of a sudden I was quantum leaped into a new dimension of thought, feeling, and awareness.

    The point is: Since we all have different personalities, we all react differently to stressful situations. Some people when presented with pain from not having enough money, go into a corner and shrivel up into a prune (or raisin.) Others (like me :)) will fight for what we deserve (which is more.) So one answer or approach may not have the same effect on two different people depending on their personality.

    You Mellow-D express yourself so eloquently in your reply”s to people as individuals……good job girl!!!

    So confusing sometimes learning about how this reality we created can be manipulated and molded into our desires. If we can only flick a switch! Maybe!


    • Hey Tony,

      Thanks so much for your kind words. 🙂

      I have the same response when people bitch about expenses. They just raised taxes here in Spain and now, with the exchange rate and these taxes, my own income has decreased. I could move to a different country, which would help. Or, I could just make more money and stop the whole argument altogether. So, that’s what I’m focusing on. I don’t want to shift this and tweak that. I don’t want to have that conversation at all. I want things to flow easily, to move to wherever I want to live, regardless of exchange rates and the like, etc. Of course, not everyone will understand this, but we can’t need them to.

      Go for what you want. The others will be inspired by seeing you do it right. And that’s so much more effective than trying to convince them.

      Huge hugs!

  • Hey..I have a question that might seem silly, but I’ll ask it just the same !
    U talk of creating your own virtual reality when it comes to money right? Like..feeling gratitude for all do, so that ur new reality reflects it. And u also mention the signnals we might be giving the universe that indicate that we want someone else irrespective of what we THINK we are vibrating.
    I was wondering..how does this relate to the topic of sex and masturbation? Also watching porn? I mean, I was always brought up with the idea that sex was dity and porn even dirtier. Is it right or wrong or anything to want things that socirty brands as dirty? Say someone mastyrbates constantly, does it give a signal to the universe that he or she is ‘alone’ and this perpetuates loneliness? Am curious cuz I think this is quite similiar to the money scenario.

    • Hey Avery,

      There’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation, porn or any sexual activity between consenting individuals. Society has a lot of weird and twisted opinions about a lot of things. The Universe never agrees.

      Now, if someone is masturbating constantly, then that may, in fact, be a sign that they’re trying to escape something (or, they’re just really, really horny). The question I would ask is: Does the frequency of their masturbation bother them? If not, continue at will. If yes, then it’s probably a sign that there’s something else going on that they’re escaping from. Masturbation feels good, so it’s a great distraction. If the distraction turns into a compulsion, however, then it’s time to do some soul searching. That goes for any activity.

      If masturbating makes someone feel lonely, then it would perpetuate the loneliness. If it just feels good and helps someone escape the loneliness, then I’d highly recommend it. 🙂

      Does that answer your question?

      Huge hugs,

  • Melody,

    I’ve been meaning to post for days but I’ve been busier than normal because manifested a job this week! Not to mention, I barely lifted a finger to get it! Walked into computer fixit shop little over a month ago & handed my resume to the owner. He called me last week TWICE (since I didn’t get back to him soon enough after his first call). Interviewed me, then emailed asking for references even though I had completely forgotten to send him a thank you message. On Monday, he asked me to come in Tuesday. It’s supposed to be part-time and $10/hr is less than average computer technician wages but I am thoroughly grateful just the same. I see it as the beginning of a snowball rolling down the mountainside – give it some time & more happy emotion energy and the income will rapidly grow! 🙂

    I took the suggestion you gave in this article. Don’t have to worry about my car insurance for another month now since I talked to them. Great advice, thank you! And while I hadn’t really been focusing on the unpaid bills, I realized I hadn’t focused on or showed gratitude for what I have been able to pay so I’ve adopted that into my ‘head song’. That’s my new term for the stuff that routinely goes through our minds. I discovered that if you want a different reality to experience then you need to start singing a different song. That singing the same tune was going to get you more of the same experiences. (And believe me, the head song I’ve had throughout my adulthood I was getting really tired of hearing. LOL)

    Oh, and I wanted to thank you for responding to my email question so quickly. I wasn’t expecting an answer so quickly. I felt super special when I started reading this article and saw my name & message written at the top. I really am grateful to you and many other bloggers who give wonderful advice on how to sing a different song. We are blessed to live in the age of the Internet.

    Many many kitten & puppy hugs,

    Also wanted to mention the “Where The Hell Is Matt?” YouTube video you shared on Facebook a few weeks ago I watch daily. Why?… Because it makes me feel SOOOOO good. Now that I clearly understand it is all about feeling good as often as you can, I do everything in my power to feed that good feeling. I get it now! I really really get it! And, as I’ve heard many times it would happen like this, I instantly notice when my mood starts to lower. So I quickly ask myself, “What am I thinking about that’s leading me to feel this way?” Your other post this week about wanting to slap people helped in teaching me to first acknowledge my lower vibrational feelings. Instead of turning away from or ignoring what is bothering me and purposely directing my focus onto something better, I found that voicing my negative feelings at that moment allowed me to let them go easier. Letting go is much more effective than ignoring.

    • Hey Lauren,
      You’re so very welcome. I’m glad the answer was helpful. And congrats on the job!!! Keep visualizing and it’ll just get better and better.

      I love the “head song” analogy. That inner dialogue of ours is much more powerful than we may think. Changing it can have life changing effects. 🙂

      Huge hugs!!

  • Hi Melody and the Most Awesome Blog’s Awesome Commentors,

    Whew! Big topic. There’s a saying from Taoism that’s been a mantra for me for 40 years. ‘If you know what is enough, you will always have enough.” Part of our problem as a society is that we keep redefining “enough” to include more and more.

    I decided in my early twenties that there were two ways to have abundance. One was to earn more, and the other was to need less. For me, needing less was the easier path to stress-free happiness. As long as I remembered to stay on this path, my life has been mainly blissful!

    When I’ve strayed into rampant consumerism – 70 hour work weeks, credit cards, houses I could only afford by working myself to death – I got so sick I had to jump totally off the consumption train. At one point, I couldn’t eat anything for 9 months, and stayed alive on a chemical formula. There’s a metaphor for you! Even food is optional!

    Within the framework of the LOA, everyone gets to define abundance for themselves. For me, the greatest abundance is freedom from distress. And the more I simplify my life, the more abundant it feels. Woohoo!

    I love all the wonderful, practical advice you give, Melody. Focus on the positive, get more positive. It really is that simple.


    Mary Carol

    • Wow MC, no food for 9 months! I fasted for 35 days once. After day 28, I was ready to slaughter my own cow. I held on out of discipline, though, which was just stupid. Live and learn.

      I know what you mean. I live a very simple life, really, although I have all the amenities I want and need. My standard of living is higher than it’s ever been in many ways, even though I don’t earn the most that I’ve ever done. I’ve never really been attached to things. I’ve always moved around a lot and well, when you move, you throw unnecessary crap away. Over the years, my definition of necessary became much smaller. I think my life can definitely get bigger, but I don’t want it to get much more complex. I love the simple life. 🙂

      Huge hugs!

  • Really great advice about focusing on the bills you can pay, Melody. I guess when we look at the LOA in the way you present it, it all boils down to where most of our attention goes. What we don’t think about is that we can focus our attention to the positive things, albeit sometimes those things are few and far between. But just staying focused on the positive can be enough to get us over those huge bumps in the road and on our way to smoother traveling.

    It’s always good to stop by and get some good reminder from the LOA SME.

    • Hey Todd,

      Thanks so much. And you’ve totally got it. It’s all about where we place our focus. Sometimes, I write these posts to remind myself as much as you guys, lol.

      Huge hugs!

  • Thank you Melody. I’ve tried giving up my resistance to having what I want and then people show up who immediately need my help or someone to talk to or are being attacked by nasty spirits or …………(fill in the blank). I’m quite certain that when I’m homeless, people will still come up to me asking for help, and say in response to my predicament: “I wish I could help…” then proceed to dump their problems on me. Its a bit like a black comedy. I have spent years trying to clear up my vibration. I made my living as a therapist and thought that if I stopped seeing clients professionally, I could legitimately say “no” because I wasn’t charging. However, I still seem to be doing the work without receiving any payment! I don’t think I’m in denial. I had the teeth issues. I now take full responsibility for my actions. I know the outer is the inner. Maybe attracting a parking space seems vitally important if you have a merc and a nice home (with a garage to keep it safe in). I suppose my question is: Do you think its possible to earn a living without being dragged through a hedge backwards?

    Love and thanks for letting me get this off my chest!


    • Hey Ysindla,

      Of course I think it’s possible to make a living helping others (it’s what my own business is built on).

      I just released a coaching call that deals with this very issue. You can find it Here.

      Bottom line for you: You’ve got to get rid of this notion that you have some kind of obligation to help others. You don’t. You have a desire to, but you’ve got to put yourself first, or you’ll become depleted.

      This call deals with that very issue (don’t be fooled by the title).

      Learn to say no. In fact, say no to every request you get for a while until you learn to distinguish between the feeling of obligation and inspiration. Your strong desire to figure this out will make sure you get plenty of opportunities to practice (that’s why they keep coming and asking for help…)

      Huge hugs!

  • another question : Denial is a hell of a lot more painful than the truth.

    howww????? isnt denial something we resort to shield ourselves from the pain that floods in the moment we try to ‘face’ the truth about losing something or someone? it ‘feels’ nice, that why we like denial and mix it up with ‘hoping for the best’ right?

    • Denial is something we use to shield ourselves from the imagined danger we’ve associated with getting what we truly want. But denying our desires is enormously painful. Finally admitting what we want is generally accompanied by a huge flood of relief. Focusing on that associated danger, on the other hand, feels awful. We think we’re avoiding the danger (feels better) but at the same time, we are avoiding our desire (feels awful). This is why denial isn’t a good thing. If it felt good, it would actually be pushing us further towards what we want. It doesn’t. Denial keeps us stuck.

      You can read more about it here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/05/08/the-difference-between-denial-and-positive-thinking/

      Huge hugs!

      • i dont quite understand. like, what if im talking about a breakup here. or a death of a loved one? wheres the desire in it all? wheres th danger?

        • When you’re talking about a breakup and death, the pain is caused by the thought of loss – that YOU have just lost something that you’ll never get back. But that’s a false belief. The desire in all of this is to feel whole, to feel connected, to feel better, to understand that there is no loss, only change. You didn’t lose love because you broke up. You got ready for an even bigger love and this person couldn’t keep up.

          You didn’t lose your loved one because they transitioned. They are still here, they’re just not physical anymore and if you want to play with them now, you’ll have to do it on their terms.

          When you focus on the loss, it hurts. But when you focus on the “truth”, that there is no loss and that you can have what you want if you allow things to change and morph, then you begin to feel better. The pain in each situation comes not from your truth, but from the false belief.


  • hey mel,
    you say that we ought to pay attention to what we DO have. i have some clarifications id like to get clarity on.
    thank you for your time (in advance 🙂 )

    thing is, when yu talk about paying attention to what i do have, it means reachign the state when im oblivious to what i dont have right? im so happy that i am blessed with what i DO have, that i dont even notice any lack, is that it?

    and if i do practise this feeling till i zone into it on auto-pilot, then im afraid that things might stay the way they are and i might not get what i wont have? but i wont miss it anyway cuz i wont even notice any lack?

    isnt this psychological brainwashing my own mind to reroute patterns of thought? i mean, yeah, i do wanna be happy with what i have, but what if i DO want more?
    also i understand that even asking this question means im putting out a resistant vibe, right?..kinda like ‘ ive been good..now wheres my stuff?’ and in that moment i notice that i dont have the stuff !

    its a chicken and egg thingy !

    • Hey Avery,

      Well, not exactly. Saying that you should pay attention to what you do have is simply shifting your focus to the positive. You can’t look at both the positive and the negative at the same time. But it doesn’t mean that you have to become delusional and forget the unwanted ever existed. It’ll fade into the background on its own if you just focus MORE on the wanted.

      If you become afraid that you want get what you don’t have you are NOT focused on what you want. You’re focused on the fact that you don’t have what you want. That’s why it feels so awful. The key is to focus on soemthing that actually makes you feel better. Don’t use empty words that you don’t really believe. But there is always something you can feel better about. Find it and focus on that.

      Does that make sense?

      Huge hugs!

    • Hey Avery,

      My starting experience was…there wasn’t much I had that made me feel good/happy. So I had to stop looking at those things (even people). Instead, I didn’t deny what I had or worry about what I didn’t have, I just had to find ways to feel happy. And I had to work at it at first, I had to retrain myself to see the good and happy things, because I’d forgotten how.

      And yes, I started feeling better. The more I looked and tried to find fun and happy moments, the more I found. And it has to be sincere! You don’t have to be ecstatic, but you must truly feel good. There ‘were’ things around me that made me happy. I’d just blocked them out. Until I started feeling better and truly looking, I couldn’t see them as something to be happy about. I was too focused on the negative.

      So just try to ‘focus’ on whatever it is that makes ‘you’ feel good. It can be a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. And don’t try to feel happy about things you ‘should’ be happy about! Only you get to decide what makes you happy. And the happier you get, the less fear you feel too. I won’t give you the mechanics on the why of this, I’m just telling you it works!

      Like Melody says, shift your focus to what feels good! I swear this stuff works when you use it consistently!

      • Txf or replying melody and nay 🙂
        Soooo..the crux of what ur saying is that if u learn to destress urself about certain areas in your life, and find happiness even if only in a small part of it, the. Destressing and happiness ‘leaks’ into other areas of ur life, right? Cuz its all interconnected?also, we nned to be honest about how we feel. For example, I might be focussing on how great my legs look, but subconsciously I could be activating hatred for my flabby arms? So I need to consciously reprogram the ‘ pavlovian’ responses of my mind, right? Only THEN can it truly be that I don’t activate both the positive and the negative at the same time, right?

        • Hey Avery,

          Yes, if you de-stress and feel good about one area of your life, it’ll leak into the others. I like that. 🙂

          You don’t so much have to reprogram your Pavlovian response, as choose something to focus on that doesn’t have a negative response. If looking at your legs makes you inadvertently think about your flabby arms, then don’t focus on your legs to make you feel better. Focus on your eyes instead, for example. Choose topics that ONLY make you feel good. All you need is one. 🙂

          Huge hugs!

        • Hi Avery,

          The way I understand it, yes, you are reprogramming your mind to focus on the positive. But no, you can never feel both positive and negative at the same time, because you can only focus on one thing at a time, ever. They may happen close together, but not at the same time. So it’s turning your focus more often to the positive. When a negative pops up, turn and look for the positive as soon as you can.

          The more you do this, the less the negative has a chance. It’s just that simple. Positive gets more time, so negative gets less and becomes less important and just starts fading away! It’s NOT denial, it’s shifting your thoughts towards what you do feel good about. And it definitely bleeds over into the rest of your life, which starts changing your whole perception! This is the part that amazed me, and that I appreciate more and more! 😀

          This is just my way of looking at it. I have no doubt Melody will give you something so much more!

  • This is great advice, so many of us focus on the big negative stuff, but focusing on what you can do, makes sense. So pay off that little bill and see where it goes from there. Thanks.

  • Melody,

    It’s so easy to let money effect us so greatly, being the form of energy we use to get what we want and what we need. It insidiously becomes something we hold as the most important thing to our survival. 😯

    But, if you put the ‘money’ aspect aside and look at the big picture, any time we are afraid we can’t get and/or keep what we think we need, we go for panic mode. For me, being able to see it’s not the money so much as the fear of what I would lose or not have if I didn’t have it…that was a big changer right there. I could work myself up from stressing over paying bills to ‘Everything is just wrong!!!!’ The fear started with money and bloomed to everything! When I finally caught myself do this, something clicked. I was letting my fear about money effect other parts of my life. And if my fear about money could spread into other things in my life…hmmmm…what would happen if I let other/better things in my life carry over into money?

    I started to really work on focus, on looking for what feels good, as often as I could think about it. For everything! Brushing my teeth, driving the car, picking up my son, watching the dogs be stupid, cooking, cleaning, walking, exercising. And this was NOT my norm. I was the one who was always complaining about all those things before…about how mundane and stupid it all seemed. 👿 But it started working. When I thought things that made me feel good, it was like more good things would pop into my head, and I would just feel better and better.

    First, the bills became just another part of the day. No stress, just pay what I can and move on. Instead of going over and over the budget, hashing over where every single dollar went, wondering how to stop spending so much, I just paid the bills. I couldn’t be excited at first. I didn’t have the right vibration. But as I worked on the rest of my life, it started to happen. I found myself laughing while paying the bills…I was excited when I payed something off…I was ecstatic when a monthly bill was lower than before. That slow but steady shift in how I felt about the general things in my life, carried over into my bills. I would have never believed that ability to shift how we feel, in general, could have such a huge impact across the board!

    When I focus on just feeling good inside, everything starts shifting. When I start to feel like I CAN get and have everything I want and or need, the stress begins to fade away. The only explanation that makes sense in all of this, is what you give us. What you feel about things is what determines their impact on you. And money is no exception, thank goodness! 😀

    So thank you, with all my heart! :mrgreen:

  • Definitely needed this reminder! Went back and read the economic crisis posts, too… only you could ever make that subject so freaking funny, Melody! What a fabulous vibration shift for a Sunday morning. I’m still giggling. 🙂

    I don’t know why it’s so hard to keep the money vibe high sometimes. I guess because it’s such an fear-laced thing. It’s hard to keep believing when you’re not seeing the results you had expected/hoped for. Oh well. Someday I’m going to have so much money that I never have to worry about it ever again. Until then, I guess I’ll just thank the power company & internet company for providing the energy and connections that allow me to read your hysterical money posts… 🙂

    • Ah Nathalie!

      I didn’t even think of that! Yes, be grateful for being able to read my blog. I’ve got to get better at this blatant self-promotion thing, ha, ha.

      And you, my dear, have got plenty to be happy about right now!! Your fabulous TV appearances? Your gorgeous jewelry? You’re going to be huge, my dear. Just allow yourself to believe it. It’s already happening anyway, so just assume you can’t stop it. 🙂

      Keep the faith!

      Huge hugs,

      • Thanks for that. 🙂 I should just concentrate on how huge a thing it is that I managed to manifest those interviews in the first place, rather than on why it hasn’t led to more traffic through my site. (That’d be the bit about not seeing the results that you had expected/hoped for.)

        But really, for me to land a CTV interview is *huge*. There are people with far more experience and (much) bigger businesses than mine who haven’t been able to do that. And I did get one big (for me, anyway) sale that I’m sure came directly from that, so that’s pretty exciting, even if I’m not seeing any real traffic increase. Maybe that will still come, and in the meantime I have a big craft show to prepare for (ooh… maybe hordes of people who saw the interiew on TV will show up at the show just to check out my stuff!)

        I like the idea of just assuming that it’s already in process and can’t be stopped… I’m going to go think about that some more. Thanks! 🙂

  • Hi again Melody

    Forgot to mention , you have the perfect name because after reading your blog post you put the melody in my heart to pursue your advice.

    Kindest regards ……. John(Australia) & big hugs n kisses to you to.

  • Hi Melody
    Perfect advice , just what I needed to hear , I’m in the same situation since my work (I’m self employed) has all but dried up due to circumstances over which I had no control.

    Can you please tell me just 1 thing – how does someone so pretty (and blond) happen to be so in tune with reality , I have always been led to believe that blonds were dumb but you are anything but dumb , just goes to show that those myths that we are brought up to believe are not always correct.

    Kindest Regards ……. John (Australia)

    • Hey John,

      Thanks so much for your kind words. All credit for my blondeness goes to my hairdresser, who has, thus far, managed not to burn through my scalp and kill off my braincells. 😛
      As for the in tune with reality, clearly attractiveness and enlightenment are linked. That’s why Buddha is considered a sex symbol to this day. LOL 😆

      Have a lovely Sunday John and thanks so much for playing with me here.

      Huge happy shiny puppy hugs!

      • That is great, Melody. I tend to be more in tune with attractive people and trust what they have to say more. I was not aware of the attractiveness and enlightenment correlation. Many masters were and continue to be most attractive. They say Jesus was a total hottie. Good to know!

        • Exactly Kat. Jesus was the original supermodel. His agent, Judas, totally screwed him, though… Ah, showbiz!

          This is also why many religions recruit celebrities. It isn’t some manipulative marketing tactic. They are just trying to recruit the most enlightened individuals on earth! And God bless plastic surgeons! They are enlightening more people every day! Yay! *takes one step to side so as not to get struck my lightening*

          Well, that was fun! 🙂


  • Hi Melody!

    So, feelings speak louder than words when it comes to universal laws. Very nice post. And you are right, in western society, we are taught to be independent and should not show that we need anybody when that is far from the truth. And reaching out to the collectors before to negotiate something (you always can, with all the bills including student loans) works wonders for you. Just expressing your concerns to them will trigger them to help you and work with you to find a happy medium if a solution.

    I wonder if the same method can be used for studying, when there are thousands and thousands of pages of material that need to be covered and the exam is really tough. Of course, we should not be feeling that and just enjoying the process, but sometimes I get stuck on one page and spend the entire day there. How can studying progress more smoothly and be less burdensome, which happens at times?

    • Hey Kat,

      Yep, the same method can be used for anything. You know, I’ve been asked about this studying thing several times now. I guess it may be time for a blog post on that… 🙂 Stay tuned!

      Huge hugs!

  • Dear Melody

    I found your article really helpful. I’m just serving the last few days of my notice on a tenancy and don’t have anywhere to move to yet (or the finances to pay 6 months rent in advance anyway if I did). I guess I’ve over-stretched myself for far too long and instead of cited a whole list of reasons why I don’t have enough money when I’ve spent more than half of my life inspiring/empowering others to live their dreams, I guess I’m just about ready to accept a major truth about manifesting my biggest fear! In a way its a relief.

    Thank you for your wonderful articles, Melody!

    xx Yslinday

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