Awesome Steve asks: “I recently spent a long time out of work. I changed my whole perspective, took the LOA approach and landed a fantastic contract that was even better than I had dreamed. The contract has now ended and my dreams have changed. I’m now spending my time dreaming and feeling etc. but … my question! … How do I tell my spouse that I’m doing nothing to ‘look’ for a job? Instead I’m following my instincts and my dreams which include having money! I don’t tell her that for fear of appearing negligent although I feel I’m taking the most profitable approach.”
Normally, when I’m asked by someone how they can explain this LOA stuff to others, I tell them not to bother. Trying to go out and convert others to LOA is really the same as trying to get others to believe in God. The paradigm shift can be just as big. Unless someone is open to it, your attempts will not be appreciated. But what about when you’re in a marriage or relationship and only one of you is into LOA? How do you explain that your meditations and visualizations are actually “doing something”, and that you’re not being lazy or just avoiding doing the work? Obviously, you can’t just ignore your spouse, providing you’re not in a totally dysfunctional relationship.
Understand your partner’s point of view
Of course you are entitled to your beliefs and your point of view. And you don’t have to justify your right to believe as you do. However, when you’re trying to explain a belief system to someone else, especially if your beliefs differ greatly from theirs, you have to take their point of view into account. You have to speak their language, so to speak, or it’s not going to work. Even though you’re going to try and convey your truth to them, you still can’t force them to see things from your perspective. What you really want to do, is try to foster an understanding of what you’re doing from their point of view. And in order to do that, you have to understand where they’re coming from.
So, for the sake of this discussion, I’m going to use a set of common beliefs as an example. Let’s say your partner is an intelligent, educated and at least moderately open minded person who isn’t super religious. She understands some basics of personal development, at least the non-Woo-Woo kind, and is open to ideas of self improvement. But she’s not deeply spiritual and she’s not open to talking about energy work, crystals, healing, convening with the non-physical, reality creation or manifesting, etc. That just sounds like a bunch of “Hippies in the Mist” stuff to her. Talk of vibrations and frequencies and the like send her running for the men with the white coats and the padded rooms (mental health professionals, not the S&M kind. Although, of course, I’m not going to judge you either way…).
And here you are, visualizing away, attuning yourself to the frequency of what you want, knowing that as you attain the feeling of your desire, you’re aligning yourself with it and it’s on its way into you reality. But all she sees is that you’re staying home, sitting on the couch, taking leisurely walks and smiling a lot. You don’t have a job and you don’t even have the good sense to be worried about it. And this is going to be part of the problem.
You have to understand that your partner is afraid. She’s afraid that you’re not going to find a job. And your lack of fear on the subject is actually making her MORE afraid. Now she feels like she has to do the worrying for both of you. She’s operating under the belief that when you want something, you get it by worrying a lot, preparing for the worst possible outcome and taking as much action as possible. And you’re not doing any of those things, which is going to make her feel very, very insecure about your chances of finding a job. She doesn’t understand what you’ve figured out – that this old way of doing things is actually the slowest and most difficult way of going about getting anything. But just as you had to unlearn those old patterns, so will she, but in her own time. Until then, this is what she believes and her fear is part of her point of view. You’ll have to take that into account.
What to do energetically
First, I’m going to give you some tips on what you can do with your vibration, so that you can support her in her understanding of what you’re doing (and not doing). Then, I’ll give you some practical tips on what you can actually say. Of course, the energy work is much more important than the words, and if you’ve lined up your vibration correctly, you’re going to be inspired to say the perfect words in order to bring about the result you want. So, I shouldn’t need to say this, but I will anyway: Don’t freaking skip this step, y’all. Seriously.
As you may have guessed, this is all going to be about you, not your partner, because this is really about which version of her you want to line up with. There’s the version of her that thinks you’ve lost your goddamned mind, and then there’s the version of her that totally gets what you’re doing. Oh, and then there are about a million versions in between those two extremes. Which one do you want to line up with?
First, take some time to become secure in your knowledge that the perfect job is on its way. She’s going to be picking up on your confidence on this matter. If you’re not sure, there’s no way that she can be. And any insecurities you still have about your ability to get what you want will be mirrored back to you. So, quite frankly, this is the most important step. Line up with what you want so strongly that there’s hardly a doubt in your mind that it’s all going to work out. Remember that if doubts come up, get really, really general. You don’t need to know HOW the job is coming, just that it is.
Second, spend a little time visualizing the conversation you’re going to have. See her understanding you, and feeling secure. The idea here will not to be to school her in the ways of LOA and get her to by this blog’s biggest fan (not that I wouldn’t appreciate the effort). That’s not how this works. The main goal is to soothe her fears and let her know that you’ve got this. You want her to be just as secure as she would be if you were pounding the pavement every day. You want her to trust your judgment. That’s really all you can ask for here. You won’t be able to take away all her fears about the economy, or the bills that have to be paid, etc. So, see her calming down as you speak with her, as understanding what you are saying and as trusting you to handle it. See her as loving you and as respecting your judgment even if she doesn’t quite understand your deepest reasons. Take the time to line up with this version of her.
What to say
Ok, for those of you who skipped right to this section, shame on you. Go back and read the section above. You know who you are. Damn LOA newbies. 😉
Again, if you’ve done the work of lining up your vibration with the version of her who will understand you, you’ll be inspired to say the perfect words. So, take the tips I’m about to give you as a guideline only and follow your intuition.
Her biggest fear will be that you’re not taking any action. She won’t consider visualizing and focusing as viable alternatives to actually pounding the pavement and looking through ads, so don’t bother trying to explain it that way. But what you can do is:
- Explain that you’re no longer willing to just take ANY old job. You’ve figured out that certain jobs with certain qualities bring you a great deal more joy than others.
- Tell her that each job you’ve had in your life has made you realize in greater detail what you want and what you don’t want, and that you’re now selecting your work environment and tasks more deliberately, more consciously than you did before. You’ve started to evaluate each job you’ve had and you’re figuring out what you want to do next.
- Explain that you’re merely taking some time to select what kind of job you really want before taking focused action. You don’t want to go out and waste your time peppering the city with your CV, hoping someone out there might have a job for you, kind of like placing an ad on a billboard. You’re defining what you want so that when you do take action, it’ll be targeted specifically at only those who are actually a match to what you want. Marketing campaigns work the same. If you run a TV ad, you get exposure to millions of people, but many of them won’t want what you’re selling. You’re essentially paying to reach a lot of people who will never buy from you. But if take some time to prepare a short list of people who actually want your product, you’ll spend a lot less money and time in the long run for much greater gains.
- Point out that you have used this process successfully once before. That during your last work hiatus, you figured out that if you too selective action, you got much better results with far greater effort and that it was this process that ultimately landed you not only a job, but the job of your dreams. Explain that this wasn’t luck, but a deliberate process, and all the time you took before to figure this process out will ensure that this hiatus won’t be nearly as long.
- Tell her that you’re also practicing positive thinking. Positive thinking and visualizing what you want will retrain your brain to look for and notice the qualities of the job you want. Studies have shown that those who have trained themselves to be solution oriented thinkers do, in fact, find solutions to problems much faster and more often than those who are problem oriented. The brain processes over 80% of the information it perceives subconsciously. This means that less than 20% of the information that you take in on a daily basis ever makes it into your conscious awareness. When you reprogram your brain, you are actually telling it what kind of information should be passed on to the conscious mind. You are simply telling your brain to sift through all the data you collect every day and pass on the information that matches the jobs you want NEXT, instead of the same old jobs you’ve already had.
- Ask her to reinforce these positive thinking patterns by being positive with you. It’s easy to slip back into old thinking habits, and look for the job you’ve had but hated. This is how people stay stuck in old patterns. They may change jobs, but they select the same crappy environment over and over again. You’re simply changing the pattern.
- Make her part of the process. Perhaps she’s noticed things you liked about past jobs and can remind you of them. When did you seem happiest? When did you seem most relaxed? When were you most balanced, could spend time with her, didn’t worry about work all weekend, etc.? Some of these criteria will be important to her, as well, so as she helps you define your list, she may well start to focus on details that make her feel better, which will inadvertently get her on board much faster. She’ll be visualizing about your job, but in a way that makes her feel good. Then, when you find a job with those qualities, she’ll recognize the success of the process for herself as well as you, making future deliberate manifestations much easier. She’ll remember how well it worked this time.
It’s really important that you remember that this is not about you bringing your partner into the LOA fold, or totally changing her beliefs. It’s about her understanding that you are doing something, that you’re not avoiding the problem out of fear, or just being lazy. You have a plan and you’re executing it. Any explanation you offer should be designed to garner that understanding. In time, she may well ask you to explain these processed more specifically, and if that happens, you could possibly get a bit more Woo Woo on her. But don’t go there unless and until she’s open to it. And generally speaking, times of stress and fear, like when you’re looking for a job, are not the best times to offer these explanations. That’s when her resistance will be highest. You’ll find her much more open to these concepts when all is going really well. Then, she may pick up one of your books and ask you about it. For now, use the tips I’ve given you here to calm her fears.
Have you explained any part of LOA to a partner or close friend? What strategies did you use? What was the outcome? Share your tips in the comments!