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OMG, I love this call. I think every woman and man whose ever had an argument with their mate should listen to this. We started off talking about how to fix their sex life, but it ended up going so, SO much deeper. What’s really going on when men and women argue? Why do men seem to want more sex than women, and is that actually true? Is there a way for this husband to align with the relationship he really wants?
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Awesome Laura asks: “I still find myself hanging with people who drink and “party”. I’m interested in getting away from that to find stimulation from other things in life. The thing is, I’m very much persuaded by people drinking around me, there is no need to twist my arm. I would prefer to meet people who are healthier (not so heavy drinkers, smokers, partiers, etc).
I know the drinking is a symptom of emotional issues etc. But obviously I can’t and am not looking to fix that for them. I also know that it’s much of the reason I’ve used alcohol. And I am working towards “fixing” that in me. Sometimes the best thing for ME to do is just stay away from certain situations. However, there is a sport I enjoy playing sometimes that attracts partiers and it’s a sport that can be played while indulging. (Ever hear of disc golf?) So I find myself not going to the course to play in order to stay away from temptation.
As a result, I become isolated. I’m social so I always eventually reach out to the people I already know and go out to socialize and get into behaviors I’m working toward dropping. Is there a way to change my vibe so that I can play disc golf and be around these people and not even feel like indulging?”
Behaviors are manifestations
First of all, our behaviors and actions are manifestations of our vibration, just like everything else in our reality. Even the thoughts we have access to have to be a match to our vibration. This is why, when you try to change a behavior like drinking alcohol or eating junk food without changing the vibration that causes it, you revert right back to bad habits as soon as your willpower runs out. So yes, if you want to change your drinking habits, you’d be wise to do it vibrationally instead of just declaring booze off limits and trying to stick to that. I’d like to point out that this post is aimed at recreational drinkers who want to cut down, and NOT alcoholics. I’m going to be addressing decreasing the amounts of alcohol consumed and the social issues of going out without drinking. If you have a serious addiction, you’ll need to follow a different plan of action, which this post won’t address.
Why we drink
Let’s face it. Being drunk is fun. Alcohol has livened up many a dud party, and is probably responsible for more relationships and babies than any other substance on earth. It lowers our inhibitions, makes us more confident, and gives us permission to have the fun our fears won’t normally let us have. And if we do something embarrassing, we can always just blame it on the booze. It’s a built in excuse that pretty much everyone will accept. When we’re on the sauce, it’s easier to talk to people, to dance with that hot guy, to believe he might actually be attracted to us, and even to do naughty, naughty things that we would never admit to doing in a sober state. In short, alcohol is a great way to surpass all those BS rules that we, our families and society have placed upon ourselves and just let go. In that way, it’s actually quite useful.
Only, there’s obviously a price to pay. Several actually:
- There’s the hangover. Some of us are more afflicted by this than others, but the bottom line is: Overindulge and you’ll suffer. The liver can only handle so much of the poison before it cries uncle. Alcohol dehydrates us, lowers our blood sugar, causes unbelievable headaches and has been known to induce projectile vomiting.
- When you normally don’t let yourself be Who You Really Are, and you suddenly take the lid off the pressure cooker by having a few drinks, the resulting sudden release can lead to some really embarrassing behaviors. You become the equivalent of a horny troop of sailors on shore leave after a year at sea: Completely out of control. This is when you see normally conservative ladies doing a topless dance on bar tables, generally nice guys groping and openly letching after women on the street, drunken declarations of love to ex-boyfriends, pacifists getting into fist fights, and much mooning of bosses on YouTube.
- Oh, and there’s the whole waking up next to a dead hooker in Tijuana, surrounded by the cast of The Jersey Shore thing. Not that I’m admitting to anything.
In other words, while drinking can be a lot of fun, we’ve all had the experience of at least slightly overdoing it and regretting it. Sometimes horribly. Then, we vow to never drink again, or at least to only drink very moderately, which works for a while. Until it’s our birthday or a wedding or there’s a really hot guy who makes us totally nervous and then the shots get lined up again and even though we know we’re going to pay the price, we figure it’ll be ok because really, it’s just this once and we have a really good reason.
But, what if we decide once and for all that we just don’t want to play that game anymore? Do we have to become hermits or weird hippie tree huggers who drink nothing but warm water with lemon and preach to anyone holding a cocktail that they’re poisoning their temple, man? Is it possible to have a good time without drinking? And more importantly, is it possible to go out and have fun with others who ARE drinking when you’re not, without feeling like an anti-social weirdo?
My personal experience
I used to drink a fair bit. I never had the tolerance of my Irish friends (who I’m convinced were born with an extra liver, just saying), but there was a time when I could put away a couple of bottles of wine in an evening. Over the last ten years or so, as my vibration kept rising, my alcohol consumption steadily decreased. First, I cut out all hard liquor and switched exclusively to wine. Next, I made sure I drank copious amounts of water with my wine, to stave off dehydration. It took less and less alcohol to induce the dreaded hangovers (the last one I had was off of one glass of wine), but I also started to feel unwell the night of the drinking if I overdid it. It became easier and easier to just have one glass and then switch to water. I simply didn’t want more. Now, I drink a few glasses of champagne and white wine per year. Yes, per year. I drink when I want to and as much as I want. I just no longer want to most of the time. Do I miss it? Not one bit (again, I’m not depriving myself; I just don’t want it).
But there were some transitionary steps to go through as my partying psyche had to adjust to my non-drinker status.
As your vibration rises, your drinking will decrease
I’m absolutely convinced that my alcohol consumption decreased as a direct result of my work on my vibration. I’ve seen the same thing happen to several friends and colleagues of mine. We didn’t just cut down, we almost completely lost our taste for alcohol.
Basically, alcohol offers a means of escape from our every day prison – a prison constructed of rules we think we have to live by. We don’t get to be happy, we have to endure loads of suffering, life is hard, you have to compromise, shove your emotions aside and just man up, etc. But when you take away the reason that the escape is necessary, when you let yourself out of prison, the drinking loses a lot of its appeal. Suddenly, you become much more aware of the detrimental effects (like, that it makes you feel like death warmed over), and you no longer consider them worth it. Sure, wine still tastes good, but after one glass or so, it really kind of ceases to matter. That woozy, buzzy feeling is no longer something all that positive. You prefer to be sober and connect with people, and have real, non-slurred conversations. You realize that being sober and feeling really good is better than feeling bad and getting some relief through alcohol. This is not something that happens overnight. It takes time. And yes, you can speed the process up by actively working on the fears that are encouraging the drinking, but it’s still best to do this incrementally and not cold turkey.
Getting out of prison means giving yourself permission to be your authentic self more of the time. It means stripping off the defensive masks, releasing fears and letting yourself have fun in your sober state. It means honoring how you feel, not caring so much what others think of you, and doing what makes you truly happy and fulfilled. When you do that, you have nothing to escape from and the motivation to drink, which is almost always fear based to some degree, just goes way.
Don’t just cut out the booze
If, on the other hand, you simply try to stop drinking using willpower, you’ve just cut off your means of escape from prison. That’s going to cause a backlash. That’s when you generally go on a bender, drinking WAY too much and doing horribly embarrassing things. Become happier and more authentic, give yourself permission to be yourself all the time and the drinking will naturally decrease. Give it time, honor your body, notice how you feel, and you’ll realize when the price of getting drunk becomes higher than you’re willing to tolerate. In short, there is a reason you drink too much. Eliminate the reason, and the drinking will go away naturally.
So, let’s say that you’ve been working on yourself and you have less and less of an urge to drink. You’re ready to just switch to water or juice or whatever, but you don’t really want to give up your social life. Well, you don’t have to. It is possible to go out and have fun and NOT drink.
But, won’t everyone think I’m a weirdo?
I struggled with this for a while. I live in a culture where alcohol is a huge part of life. The Spanish love their wine and cocktails and a lot of my friends are still quite fond of the sauce. But, I found that the more secure I got about my status as a non-drinker, the more people just accepted it. So, when I first switched to water, I’d get a lot of stupid comments and questions. In fact, some people would actually get upset that I wasn’t drinking with them, as if that played any part in their ability to enjoy their buzz (apparently, it did). My refusal to drink made them feel as though they had less permission to escape. Either we all escape together, or none of us really can.
What’s more, I was also moving more and more towards natural foods at the same time, so sodas and fake juices were out. Usually, water is the only thing I’ll be willing to drink in a bar. I’ve had men walk away from me in disgust when they offered to buy me a drink and I requested water (I guess they weren’t confident in their ability to woo me if they couldn’t get me drunk…) People in Barcelona don’t really drive, so I couldn’t even use the designated driver excuse. I was routinely asked if I was an alcoholic. That would’ve made sense. After all, why would anyone simply choose not to drink? That’s just absurd!
All of these manifestations were a direct result of my own social insecurity with how I was going to be perceived as a non-drinker. After all, there had been a time when I would’ve reacted quite the same way to someone not drinking. Why couldn’t they just have a glass of wine to be social? What was wrong with them?
But nothing was wrong with me. I was simply choosing to do what I wanted to do. I wasn’t condemning anyone for their drinking. I didn’t mind if they got drunk. I just didn’t want to. And the more I made peace with the idea that it was ok to drink and ok to not drink, that both choices were equally valid, the more people just accepted my non-alcoholic water guzzling and just left the subject alone. In other words, I had to decide for myself that both choices were valid, that it was truly ok and not weird not to drink, and then everyone else did, too.
Having fun around the drunk
I haven’t given up my social life just because I gave up the drink. In fact, I routinely go out with people who order alcoholic beverages. I’ve come to realize that it really doesn’t matter what each of us is drinking. We’re there for the company, the fun, the experience, the conversation, the atmosphere. I don’t need alcohol to enjoy that (unless the place sucks, and then why would I want to be there?) But I have developed a few strategies that make it easier:
- I often put my water in a highball glass with a slice of lemon and a straw, or even a wine glass. It makes me feel more festive. After all, I’m out having fun. Don’t be shy to ask the bartender for what you want. And yes, you can toast with water. No angels will lose their wings if you do.
- I’ve found that a big reason that non-drinkers don’t have fun around the drinking is that they tend to judge everything the drunk do as juvenile or ridiculous. Don’t do that. I do my best to just say yes to everything, the way drunk people do. I’ll talk to anyone who comes up to me (at least for a few minutes). If someone suggests a club, I say “Hell yes! Let’s go!” I dance and enjoy the music. I actively put myself in a good mood and decide to enjoy myself. You may not have realized this before, but it’s a decision you can make. Think, “I’m going to have fun tonight” instead of “I guess I’ll be the only sober one. How awkward…” Part of why drunk people have so much fun is because they just go with it. I don’t have to be drunk to do that. Only, I can have the good sense to stop before I get to the Tijuana border…
- There does come a time when everyone around me goes from funny drunk to sloppy/stupid drunk. That’s my cue to go home. After that point, it just kind of gets gross and no one really needs to see that.
- If someone does give me cheek about why I’m drinking water (it happens rarely now), I simply ask them, calmly and confidently and with a smile (not confrontational), “Does it matter?” No one is ever going to admit that they can’t have fun if you don’t drink, even if that’s how they feel. Then, if they see that you’re having just as much fun as the drunk people, they’ll relax about it completely. In other words, no one will think you’re weird if you’re having fun. The weird thing would be to go to a bar, not drink and be a total dud. That’s what’s making them most uncomfortable. They don’t think you can let go and have fun without the booze. Show them that you can and there will be no weirdness.
Being the one sober person partying with drunk people does take some confidence. I’m generally so outgoing and upbeat, I really don’t need alcohol to help me become more social. That helps a lot. But that comes with the territory of losing your social fears. And again, my decrease in alcohol consumption wasn’t the result of a decision to cut down, but of a rise in my vibration. I do still occasionally drink – I haven’t given anything up. Only, I’ve found that when I do, and I only drink when I really feel like it, there are no negative consequences. I don’t get really drunk (I stop easily before I get anywhere near that point) and I have no hangover. But should I ever drink when I don’t really feel like it, out of obligation or some other limiting thought, my body has a very different reaction (hence, a hangover off of one glass of wine…).
Have you noticed a decrease in your alcohol (or other substance) consumption as you’ve become happier? Does alcohol affect you differently now? Share in the comments!
Great post Melody, and very non-judgemental too which is refreshing for this topic…
I admit this is something which I struggle with at times… I’ve always been “the party girl” with a penchant for booze. Then again, although I still drink more than I’m comfortable with, I drank a LOT more a few years ago (I worked in a bar, which didn’t help….). I find these days I’m cutting back on my going out, and as an effect, I’ve cut back on my booze.
One of the biggest problems for me is the godawful social anxiety I get after drinking. It’s worse when I have done something embarrassing, but even if I was (relatively) well-behaved while drunk, the hangover just makes me obsess over anything I said or did which was even the tiniest bit embarrassing, things that nobody else even probably notices. I think this is one of the main reasons I’ve cut back too.
I like the idea that as people become more attuned to their higher selves, they drink less. That’s much better than the “spiritual people don’t drink and if you drink then you are ruining your life and your chakras are rotting” philosophy, which just makes me want to down a bottle of wine in defiance. Lol. Not really. But almost. Maybe a glass.
You’ve illustrated one of my main points perfectly: When we try to shame people into not drinking, we push against it and it causes the opposite of what we want to happen. It’s like that with food, too. When you shame people about their food intake, they’ll eat all the more, even if they don’t really want to. I’m convinced that a lot of the “diet” shows on TV that show the big, fat, saddos (because clearly, if you’re fat you are pathetic…) are actually causing people to gain weight…
Melody, I hardly drink now.
Over the years, as i have meditated more and more, my alcohol consumption has gone down to almost zero now. And yet at parties, I am often the most sociable person there. Go figure:-)
I am one of those people who gets headache with a sip of wine – so best to avoid it altogether. And water in a cocktail glass with a slide of lemon is always a great conversation topic and ice-breaker.
Melody, one day we’ll meet – and we’ll share a few bottles of vintage water:-).
PS The main bar at Claridges in London has a separate water menu with water bottles from all around the world!
I just has to say that when I looked at the water menu, I couldn’t help but imagine a very hairy man, wearing shorts standing out the back of the restuarant filling the bottles with a hose.
I’m from Australia, so I’m imagining something like this:
Except he is friendly looking and not hairy… something like that but grumpy looking.
“yeah, I’ve got some fancy water for ya!”
and slaps you heartily on the back,
*sorry, could-not-resist*—I was drunk!
Oooh, Arvind! Vintage water! Um, is that the same as “old” water? 😉
I love it. A water menu. I hadn’t heard of that before. Our kind are taking over! Buwahahahahaha!
Well said, Melody. Quite pragmatic and very true. I simply lost more and more interest in Alcohol, the more and more I became Marvelously Obsessed and Inspiringly addicted to the natural high of creativity and writing.
thanks so much for sharing your experience, as well. This has been true for so many people I know. It’s like, when you discover how much fun life can be, you stop trying to make it artificially fun. 🙂
Hmm. Can’t really relate for once, as never been a drinker. Been accused of being drunk when sober, as spontaneous and fun personality naturally.
If I do I have a high tolerance anyway (Irish background 🙂 or because of medical conditons, don’t get the chance to enjoy drunkeness as it makes me sleepy.
I’m very prone to sleepiness.
Bread can make me sleepy.
That is a shame as the rare times I have, didn’t change me much, but love the excuse back-up feeling it gives you.
Have claimed to have been drinking (when didn’t have anything) as means to be extra social 🙂
Very useful. Everybody just says “well we were all drunk” and I giggle to myself “technically not me!” hee hee heh.
I actually enjoy interacting with drunk people, while sober. You learn alot. It’s fun, not awkward.
There you go, yet again, I’m not normal. 🙂
I love it, Alice! People often don’t notice that I’m not drunk. I’m super social, too. In fact, when asked why I don’t drink, I often say “Do you really want to take this (gesture to myself) up a notch?” Because that’s what alcohol does for me. I get more talkative, louder and more outgoing. But I don’t really need that. I’m social enough as it is.
And you’re right. You can get a lot of info out of drunk people, see a whole different side of them. It can be quite educational, lol.
Here’s to sober partying! 🙂
Are you continuously stealing my identity in some furture world, where I drop my resistance?
That’s exactly what I say to people: “Do you really want to take this (gesture to myself) up a notch?”
And don’t know if I told you…Spain was one of my top dream destinations…before I got anxiety about travel and everything…
You know you are me without “brain problems” right? right? LOL stop blowing me away. 🙂
Well, I wasn’t going to tell you, but actually I’m the Alice from the future, come to tell you that it’s going to get really, really awesome, really, really soon. But shhhh. Don’t tell anyone. We might break the space/time continuum and get sucked into a black hole or something. And then we’d miss the awesome. And that’s the *real* reason I don’t drink anymore. To avoid black holes.
This post made me reflect the way I’ve dealt with insecurities, neediness to fit in during my growth. I’ve only been really drunk once in my life, and tipsy only a few times.
My father was a bartender for decades. I’ve never had any appeal for alcohol (neither did he, or at least his interest was in a gourmet fashion 😛 What tastes better, the combinations, etc). I drink every now and then, but rarely not more than a glass of wine or sangria – and I recently discovered that mojitos taste good.
I felt all the pressures that you describe (some more obvious than others) during my life. I think it’s because “Who I really am” has a way to show her authenticness despite insecurities and other stuff I’ve dealt and somehow been dealing with.
Speaking of taste, in a group of friends/people where you can speak freely without judgemental stares, you can always answer a dubious answer like: “I only put things in my mouth that taste good to me.”. It happened to me, when I was literally being annoyed for HATING beer. I’ve told inumerous times that it tasted like vomit to me – even after all this years of being an adult… And of course, people answered “To me the first couple of times were also bad, but then I got used to and I can tolerate and even enjoy” LOL :X
Ah, I love it, H.! We so readily accept that drinking will taste horrible the first few times, but wait until you get used to it. Then you won’t notice the taste anymore… ha, ha. But really, why would we continue to drink something that doesn’t taste good? Who’s making less sense here? 😉
I’ve never liked beer either. I recently had a sip of cider, and thought it tasted like lemon soda, which I don’t like either. Most kinds of alcohol make me shiver with revulsion when I just smell them. But I do really like a very nice glass of white wine (not all, but there are some really good ones). When I want one, I’ll drink a glass slowly and enjoy every sip. But most wine drinkers will admit that the enjoyment goes down the more they drink. That first glass is always the best. When it comes to tasting great things, less is often more. Like chocolate, a small piece of exquisite chocolate is heaven. A whole box of it would leave you feeling sick. And when something doesn’t meet my standards, I have no problem just leaving the glass undrunk. After all, it’s going to go down the drain eventually. Is it really so bad if it doesn’t pass through my body first? He, he.
Hm… Interesting, that the more awareness we have, the more we taste and the more there is to share.
Great post on the culture of drinking, the the effects of drinking and how to live your life as a non-drinker. There is so much pressure, especially for young people to drink that it is very difficult to let it go. But you have great suggestions on how to handle a social situation.
I appreciate this line – ” If you have a serious addiction, you’ll need to follow a different plan of action, which this post won’t address.”
Many are able to quit or drink with moderation, but if someone can’t stop their alcohol habit, and it becomes unmanageable, there is help out there and lots of support. It just takes admitting that alcohol is a problem and reaching out for help.
Thanks for sharing. Take care.
LOL, I figured you’d like this one… and you’re so right. It can be so hard to admit to ourselves and others when we can’t stop behavior that we don’t really want to do, like drinking, gambling or anything else. When it becomes a compulsion, it’s like we have no control, and that can so scary, we may decide that not dealing with it is easier. Blogs like yours help people understand that dealing with it, while painful, is possible and not shameful at all. Thanks for doing such great work.
This is great, we can apply this to many vices we would like to curb. Thanks for sharing.
You’re right. This can apply to any vice.
Again Super Point !! 🙂
Nowadays I feel I’ve been going through a major change.I feel like I have a lot to share but I may not be able to express myself very well in English 🙂
I have really fun friends all of whom are men.And they love drinking.Even if I drink one glass of beer I get dizzy and I feel like I’m not having fun with that feeling in my head.I’ve been thinking this for a long time.I love all my friends,and we have fun like mad children together :)) But I just don’t have fun drinking and smoking.Sometimes it feels like they will think I’m boring but I know it’s ridicilous.Again Melody,I love your post…
Huge hugs !!
If you’re ok with yourself not drinking and smoking, they will too. They just want to continue to have a good time with you. If that doesn’t change, they won’t really care if you don’t drink. Trust me on that. 🙂
Sometimes your posts pull things up I haven’t even thought about or realized were lurking under the surface.
I’m #1 in the price to pay department! 😉 I suffer serious hangovers after overindulging. But have to say, I like to go out and drink, because it lets me cut lose. But in the recent past, I was losing interest in getting drunk when I went out, due to side effects…yet I also couldn’t just cut loose if I didn’t drink. So alcohol was definitely the big assist. Amazing that we need assistance to release our fears and inhibitions in order to have fun doing what we want. We hold on so tightly to our ‘acceptable’ self, it becomes exhausting.
It’s been a while since I went ‘out’ and I wonder how I would feel now? I have changed ‘a lot’ in some ways, but also understand much of my changes have been without others around me, besides family. I feel much more secure in myself, and yet wonder how I would feel going out and being around a lot of strangers? Will I revert and go unsure again, only feeling comfortable when I toss a few ‘allowers’ back? I haven’t really dug into this much, but now I am curious.
I guess I’m just as curious about my changes as I am excited by them. How will I be in different situations? Will I revert, or have I really become/integrated the changes I see? Or is that fear talking? Probably is. The fear that I haven’t changed ‘completely’ and will be disappointed when I put myself under pressure, and fall back into a reflexive habit. In some ways, I’m lucky because I’ve had the option to work on myself without having to deal with many people around me. But this also hasn’t forced me to deal with said people and my reactions to them and the situations I will experience. What will my improved vibration show me?
But wait…LOA reality strikes again! I don’t have to ask how it will be, because I decide what my vibration will show me! I keep forgetting or setting this fact aside when I’m analyzing things. (Maybe I need to quit analyzing?) If I’m sitting here worried about it, then my vibration will only provide what I’m worried about. Yeah, I get it! Thinking these things through really brings insight in so many ways, but remembering LOA helps even more. 😀
If I set my intention to go out, be myself around others and have a rip roaring good time without indulging in any ‘allowing’ beverages, then that’s what will happen. Again, I choose/decide what I will feel and do, at all times. Once I make this mine/allow it to be my only understanding, then it is.
Every time I get this, it gets a little bit easier. And I accept that I will be gettin’ this many, many, many times, because that’s called growth… See Nay learn. See Nay grow. See Nay laugh at her repeat performances! :))
Good one, Nay! Exactly! I just need to remember all that, too, and not fall into the learned traps I had been so used to, as you so well mention.
Right on. Going out and having a good time is a choice – one you can make before you go out. We make that choice when we go out and drink, too. We’ve come to expect that drinking will help us have that good time. But we can make the same decision without alcohol, too. It can be scary to go out for the first time after an isolated growth period. But, you may be very pleasantly surprised in how much more comfortable you feel in your skin and how much less you care what others think. Maybe you won’t be 100% perfect, but so what? Then, you’ll have some detailed info on where your left over insecurities lie. And because you’ll be sober and much more self aware than you used to be, you’ll be able to analyze that info and act on it.
For example, I didn’t date for a long time after an abusive relationship when I was 19. I wanted to work on myself first, so that I would be attracted to different men. But ultimately, I had no idea how much I’d fixed until I went out with a man. I had to get out there and see how I reacted and who I attracted. In many ways, I’d come a long way and that made me happy. But I still wasn’t where I ultimately wanted to be, so I started to fine tune. I had to get out there to see the evidence of my vibration before I could work on it further. We need physical manifestations to help guide us toward the physical manifestations we want. Life isn’t theoretical. It’s practical. 🙂
Just as an aside, I am very good at being social. My job for years required it to some degree. But it didn’t feel like a natural social, if that makes sense. I felt under pressure, or under the gun to be the socialite, to make sure I talked to everyone and kept the cheer up. Very draining emotionally and physically. I would start out having fun, but after a short while just felt very harried (I’m not talking about your legs. Really.) and anxious. When I went drinking, I didn’t feel that pressure, and I could have an excuse if I went a little wild.
This is the part I’m curious about now! Going out and not feeling that anxiety or pressure to be a ‘socialite.’ To not feel pressured to be more than I am comfortable with, nor feel the need to repress or have an excuse, for any wildness that comes squishing out… 😈
Allowing myself the freedom to just be me, from catatonic to crazy if I so desire! I can let others make my rules, or I can do it. I vote for me!!! He He.
Yay Nay! Me and my big hairy manlegs will vote for you, too!
Awesome to see my question answered. Yay. It makes total sense. I’m still struggling with depression. But my physical health has been on my mind when it comes to drinking too. And since I’m a binge drinker I probably fit under the category of problem drinker if not an alcoholic.
I’m working on myself but it has really been a slow process. You are aware of a specific event that has gotten me to this point. However that being said, I know the issues are much deeper and were there way before “the big slam.” (as I’ll call it here.)
I don’t seem to have the issue about feeling weird though. I have never really cared (as an adult) if others have a problem with me not drinking. In the recent past, the whole disc golf thing; playing, socializing and drinking has been an escape. I see a dear old high school friend who gets so sloppy drunk out there, she can’t talk by the end of the day. She sways back and forth and practically falls asleep on her feet at times. It’s really sad. And I guess it scares me too.
I get confused with this when it comes to LOA. I have a desire to be healthier myself. And I have a desire to attract healthier individuals/friends. But obviously I’m still a match for just such as what I described above, although we don’t see much of each other off the course. And I haven’t been out there for quite some time. (Avoiding the drinking has not been the only reason though.)
What I think is mostly confusing here and I battle with is I feel like my desire to be around healthier people equates to “better” people and sort of makes me feel judgmental or like I’m trying to say that I’m better than you or working to be better than you.
I guess it’s not the actual people though, right? It’s the behaviors? Even though I know there are reasons for those particular behaviors. Ugh. I apparently have a lot of work to do.
Thanks for answering my question.
It sounds like what that girl and that environment are showing you is that you do judge those who get too drunk, and by doing so, you are judging yourself quite harshly. Stop that. 😉 It makes you uncomfortable because that’s really not helpful to you or how you feel. Depression comes from anger turned inward, from having an abusive relationship with yourself, from judging yourself constantly. Ease up. And when you judge others, it almost always shows you how you are judging yourself. Ok, so you escape into alcohol. So what? That doesn’t make you a bad person. It means that you’re in pain and that you learned at some point that alcohol could relieve that pain. And you’re right. It can. It just comes at a price. So, it’s time to find other ways to relieve that pain. And, to find the origin of the pain and release that. And you are doing that. It will get easier. But just trying to stop the drinking is going to cause a huge backlash.
You’re so welcome.
Melody, I hope that isn’t your leg the cat is digging his paws into? 🙂
If you’re addicted to alcohol why not switch to drugs? Then you’ll be addicted to drugs and not alcohol! You’ll then be free of your addiction to alcohol. But wait! Now you’ll be addicted to drugs! Then try religion, yes, you can be addicted to religion and then you will be free of drugs and alcohol.
That’s sounds silly, but in my opinion we all have an addiction. I have an addiction to life, that’s why I’m still here. I have an addiction to Melody’s articles, and that’s why I’m still here…..haha.
Addiction is a dependency on a habit; however, habits can be changed. Usually they’re swapped for other habits, and that’s not necessarily bad. You can replace a bad habit with a good habit.
When I was going through my divorce I needed something to occupy my time. I was in dire need of something to fill this empty space. Drugs, alcohol? Nope, my responsibility to my girls was too strong, so I took up ballroom dancing. And I always thought dancing was an unmanly act. I thought dancing was for sissies (thanks dad)
The ballroom dancing community is a family oriented atmosphere. No alcohol is served, just water and juice. People are high on the energy of dancing and laughter. People are very friendly and accepting……well, most of them. You’ll always have those rascals that are trouble makers.
Not all ballroom dancing is like that. The Latin dances are usually a different community and atmosphere, not as friendly, and they do serve alcohol. At least in this area I live in it’s like that.
The point is, we can always find a group of people that don’t drink and still have fun. If it’s hard to break a habit, swap it for another. When you take yourself out of a bad place you can then look back and see that it was in fact a bad place. You can’t see that if you’re in it. When you’re out of that bad place you can now grow and become stronger.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, easier said than done, but how do you start? How do you break out of this habit? Well, since you’re here reading and researching, you’ve already started.
Great points! Sometimes, it’s easier to find an alternative “distraction”, which is healthier, and THEN figure out what it is we’re trying to run away from. There’s always in underlying cause. For you, it was the pain of your divorce. And you consciously looked for a way to feel better. Bravo!
I do love to dance Salsa. But honestly, I was never able to drink much while dancing. It made feel too hot and kind of woozy. It was dance or drink for me. So, water and dancing have always gone together. Same for disco’s really, unless you’re happy just sort of shuffling about, which I’m not.
Oh, and dancing is definitely not unmanly. There’s nothing sexier than a man who can really dance. Men, listen up! 🙂
Oh! Almost forgot! Yes, that’s my giant hairy leg. I’m not really into grooming, as everyone who reads this blog knows. I go to spas a lot, but just so I can make fun of all the hairless people. Oh, and I have giant, manly feet. And no tan whatsoever. This is why in all my videos, you’ll never see my feet. I have to get shoes from the tranny shop. But enough about my hideous disfigurement. I have to go to a meeting of the secret society for women with manfeet now. Although, I suppose I’ve already said too much. If you don’t hear from me again, I’ve been stomped to death. That’s how they silence you. I mean we. That’s how we silence you. Or me. Whatever. Please have my ashes placed into a Manolo Blahnik shoebox, the brand of shoes I could never wear in life because of my giant hairy, deathly white hooves. Perhaps in the afterlife there will be dainty heels for me. And razors. Sigh. 😉
Oh Melody you’re too funny, and apparently funny looking too…….oh….just kidding!
My mother, no longer in this reality was 5’2 and had a size 9 shoe. She had big hands too. I guess that’s why I wear a 13 shoe, and I’m only 5’2. Just kidding again, I’m six foot and I wear a 13 shoe, It’s still pretty big for my height. My daughters are 5’2 and 5’3 and wear a size 7 1/2 shoe. Pretty big for tiny girls.
A quick story, when my mom had a stroke in Texas visiting her sister, my sisters and I flew there to visit her in the hospital. She was in a room with other people, immediately I spotted a woman with huge feet sticking out of the covers…..I knew then it was my mom 🙂
Don’t worry Melody I have hairy legs too. Yours are a bit hairier though, but thank the universe for razors. 🙂
7 1/2 is big feet on a 5’2″ body? I’m devastated…it’s the toes I tell you!
Medicating ourselves to feel happier.
“I live in a culture where alcohol is a huge part of life”
We are trained to think that environment is very important and it is when we believe it. Family is also important. If you had my father, you wouldn’t even think of drinking. Our favourite legal poison is nicotine. When I go to clubs, I couldn’t care less if gasoline was served instead of beer. But often, I feel the crave to smoke.
“Become happier and more authentic, give yourself permission to be yourself all the time and the drinking will naturally decrease”
The most valid statement ever. When I was a student I didn’t even think to drink or smoke to feel better. Then I made the mistake to serve in the army under the belief that it should be a hard experience. Judging this experience now, I’m not saying that it was that bad, but when I was having that experience I wanted to drink heavily and smoke to calm down.
I now prefer to see drinking or smoking as moves that either serve me or not. I don’t drink but I still smoke. Smoking more than ten cigarettes a day thought doesn’t help me when lifting weights and I certainly need more sleep than usual. Under pressure, I prefer to chew some gums, giving me time to think of alternatives to let the pressure go away.
Thanks for drawing the parallel. The same exact principles apply to smoking. It’s a way to escape something, a distraction. I smoked for a while, too. It was a way to get a break during my hectic corporate days. An excuse to get away for a few minutes. Then, when I figured out that what I really wanted was the break, I quit smoking and just took the break. Although, the associations to enjoyment stayed around for a while. I had to clear several more before I lost the urge to smoke completely. The same goes for all kinds of behaviors. The trick is to become conscious of what we do and why we do it, so that we can choose to do those things or not. What I wanted to stop and what I teach is doing things and feeling like it’s not a choice.
Fab article! As always.. I am northern irish and the drinking culture as a teenager was massive.. Over the last 3 years and especially Since my awakening 2 years ago my desire to drink has decreased and I am a happier person and agree that the happiness came first.. I still drink a bit but can go out and enjoy myself without a drink .. But I thank you for your wisdom which will serve me well in the coming months..love and light Bernie x
Wow! Validation from an Irish man, lol. That’s awesome! Seriously though, even my Irish friends have cut down as their lives have changed (pretty much everyone in my reality has raised their vibration in the last years. They wouldn’t be in my reality anymore if they hadn’t). There’s a definite pattern here. And growing up with a strong drinking culture can make it all the harder to cut down, even when you want to. Great job!!
As always, enjoying your blog and am so grateful for the insights. As for wanting to drink alcohol less, my yoga practice did that for me. Guess it’s the higher vibration thing. I would feel so good when I left the studio, that I just didn’t want to drink or do anything to change that. I still maintain my LOA “mode” because it covers everything I need to work on and I don’t go to the yoga studio now. Anyhoo, thanks much. Best.
You’re welcome Susan. And thanks for sharing your experience. Yoga is a great way to raise your vibration, so it makes perfect sense that you started to drink less after getting into it. 🙂
Good article! I never had the need to drink. Alcohol kills my stomach, so I never tolerated it. I never understood how people can guzzle so much if the stuff until i understood the reasons.
This never stopped me from socializing or having fun. I got a lot more out of merriment than those who drank, for sure. They had to deal with the hangovers and the after effects such as dealing with what happened while intoxicated which got complicated at times. But everyone was respectful and I am cheery as it is, so no one ever complained about this because I am merry anyway.
Cheers! To our health!
That’s great! You never had to overcome the whole drinking thing… For me, it was fun for a long time. But it was important to give myself permission to cut down when it wasn’t fun anymore, or when the price became too high for me.
Now, I get tipsy off of just a little bit of alcohol. I had three liquor filled pralines yesterday. I hadn’t had them in years and someone served them, and I really wanted some. I actually got tipsy, lol. Then, after about an hour, I just wanted a nap… But there were no consequences, because I wanted them and had fun eating them. Not for everyday, though, that’s for sure.
I never really liked beer, but like the mixed drinks and wines. But like I said below, I always pay the price, no matter what I drink. And oh the intoxicated memories, or more correctly, the memories others share of you… As you said, sometimes not as fun-ny as your partners think. 😉
Whenever I say I can’t drink much, my husband always laughs and says ‘She’s a cheap date,’ or ‘You’re not a professional yet?.’ He’s always got a line…cracks me up!
To our health!
Hahaha!!! Thanks for sharing, Nay. 🙂