When I first started coaching, I was amazed that people would ask me, a childless woman who doesn’t even own a pet (to be fair, only because my lifestyle wouldn’t be very good for a pet, not because I’ve thus far failed to keep one alive, or anything) about parenting advice. I thought, “Who am I to be telling people how to raise their kids?” But after a while, it dawned on me that
- I wasn’t telling anyone how to raise their kids. I was simply reminding them of the wisdom that they, innately, held within themselves.
- I deal with people and the beliefs that lead them towards or away from what they want. Kids are people, too.
- It’s all energy. And when you understand energy, everything starts to make sense. Yes, even kids.
So yes, this childless, petless woman is about to write another post about dealing with kids. Today, I’d like to address how you can go about teaching the principles of the Law of Attraction to your children. After all, why not give them the benefit of knowing just how powerful they are at an early age? (Unless, of course, you’re afraid that once they realize Who They Really Are, they’ll take over your kingdom, causing you to try to have them killed, so they run away and become sex slaves in a weird dwarf commune, where they get hooked on “apples” and nearly O.D., but
rehab a glass coffin makes them all better, and even though they’re so messed up in the head at this point that they mistake date rape a kiss for love, they find their way back to you and throw you into a firey pit of hell, proving once and for all that your kids’ spirits will prevail and if you tried to squash them, you should totally move to a new address, because if they know where you live, they will take their revenge and no one will blame them. I seem to have gone off topic again. Where the hell was I? Oh yes…).
Contrary to what you may think, teaching kids how to deliberately receive their reality isn’t hard at all. They remember this stuff much more easily than we do as adults. You’re really just reminding them of what they already know. It’s MUCH harder to train them out of this knowledge than to remind them of it. In other words, be prepared for your kids to get better at this than you are rather quickly. And when that happens, they may very well start to teach you.
Teach them to honor their emotions
Since our emotions are our most important feedback mechanism, showing us when we’re moving away from what we want or towards it, it makes sense to start there. When your child expresses an emotion, don’t tell them that they’re wrong. You would never do that, you say? When your child proclaims “I hate him/her!”, what’s your first response? If you’re like most parents, you say “No you don’t”, in an attempt to diffuse the negative feelings. You assume that your child doesn’t really hate that person, and you want them to acknowledge that they don’t really mean what they say. Except, they do. In that moment, your child is feeling hatred. They are feeling anger. You may not want them to feel that way, but they do. And that’s ok.
When you try to change your child’s feelings by simply telling them to feel different (or, as in the example above, trying to convince them that they actually do feel different), it teaches them not to use their own judgment. They will look to you to see if they can feel good or not, no longer relying on their own feedback system. Use these steps instead:
- If your child is upset, ask them how they feel without judgment. You can even ask them, “Are you angry? Are you sad?” to help them identify their feelings. If, however, they don’t have a good answer, don’t pursue it. This is not the time to go digging around for reasons (that can come later). Remember, your child does not need a conscious reason to feel the way they do (neither do you). They don’t need permission to have an emotional response.
- Validate how they feel. “It’s ok to be angry.” If your child has acted that anger out, you can make the distinction between it being ok to be angry, but it not being ok to hit others, for example. Make whatever they are feeling ok.
- Ask your child what they need right now. Do they just want to be alone? Do they want a hug? If the child has acted out of anger and you put him in his room to calm down, this may not be applicable in that moment. But, even then, you’re giving your child some space and allowing them to calm down. Make sure you don’t make the punishment about the anger, but the action, instead.
- When your child is calm again, discuss what happened and why, again, without judgment of their feelings. How did they feel? Why did they feel that way? And now, this is where the teaching moment comes in: Help them figure out that the feeling was a result of their perspective (how they were looking at the situation) and the thoughts they were thinking. Then, help them find better feeling thoughts.
- As your children get a little older, you can teach them what their emotions mean. For example, your son may think his teacher is “stupid”. Ask him why he thinks that. The reason may be something like “She hates me.” Ask him how that thought feels. It feels bad. Then explain that if the thought feels bad then it means that this thought is not true. For a smaller child, you may just want to help him shift perspective – dissect the reasons he thinks she hates him and help him find a perspective that feels better (for example, different reasons for doing the things she’s doing that have nothing to do with him). But, an older child (use your judgment) can understand that the thought that really caused the bad emotion was the fear that maybe, the teacher has a valid reason for disliking him. Perhaps, there’s something wrong with him. Or, perhaps she has no valid reason but there’s nothing he can do about it (powerlessness). This will open up the discussion to a whole new level of understanding (influencing others, see below).
A game to help your child identify their emotions
Credit for this game goes to an episode of the Supernanny which I caught recently. I thought it (the game) was incredible and it was no surprise that it totally worked. Make a chart with the pertinent areas of your child’s life. Now, make some happy faces, sad faces, angry faces, etc. Teach your child to place the face that matches how they feel about that area next to it, basically allowing you to see their emotional state. Review the chart daily and discuss each one (the positives and the negatives). Remember never to judge your child’s emotions, only to validate and then to help them find better emotions if possible. You may also gain a great deal of understanding into how your child thinks and sees the world.
Teach them about influencing and being influenced by others
In the course of their lives, your children are going to come across all kinds of people. Some of these people will be happy shiny puppies. Others will be douchebags. One of the best gifts you can give your kids is to teach them how they can stop themselves from being influenced by the douchebags, and how they can actually line up with more happy shiny puppies, instead.
Let’s use an example to illustrate the techniques you can teach your child: Your daughter is being teased by a boy at school and is quite upset about his behavior. Recognize that the real pain your daughter is feeling is not from this boy’s words, but rather because she’s wondering if his words might be true, or feels that she’s powerless somehow. If you can help your daughter shift her perspective on the thoughts that are causing her this pain, not only will she feel better, but her manifestation of this boy will shift, as well. He won’t tease her anymore.
Shifting her perspective of the other person
Big Hint: Do not try to shift anything while your daughter is upset. Let her calm down first, let her anger out, etc. Only do this work when the major emotional response is over.
The first thing you can do is to help your daughter see this boy in a different light. You can ask her how she thinks he feels when he’s teasing her. Does she think he feels good? Why? Why would he need to feel good by teasing someone else? Use your judgment on what you feel the real reasons are. For example, a boy who is unhappy at home may bully others to feel better. This is quite different from a boy who is trying to get her attention because he likes her. You’ll be able to help your daughter determine what the underlying cause is (this is where your broader perspective comes in). In any case, you’re going to try and determine what this boy is really after (relief or attention). When your daughter understands that his behavior has less to do with her personally and more to do with his own issues or desires, it will start to take the sting out of whatever thoughts she’s having about herself.
When we (adults and kids) understand the motivation behind someone’s behavior, it’s often much easier not to take it personally or be bothered by it. You can teach your kids to look for different perspectives and reasons for people’s actions that have nothing to do with them. You may be surprised to hear your son say something like “I bet that man is angry because he’s afraid” upon witnessing an angry outburst. When that happens, give yourself a gold star for being an awesome teacher. 🙂
Visualizing a different version of the other person
Back to your daughter and the teasing boy. Once you’ve shifted her perspective of his motivations, it’ll be easier for her to imagine a different version of him. For example, let’s say that this boy has a horrible home life. In that case, your daughter may actually feel a bit sorry for him. Ask her to imagine him being happy and playing with others, feeling good about himself. She doesn’t need to put herself into this visualization if she doesn’t want to. You’ll be able to tell by her body language and facial expression if she’s lining up with that vision or not (she has to feel better). You may even be able to go so far as to get her to send him love. As she is doing this, she’s shifting her own energy. She’s lining herself up with a happy, confident version of this boy.
By the way, the same visualization will work if the boy is teasing her to get her attention. The teasing then comes from a place of insecurity (“I’m going to act like I don’t like you so that you won’t discover just how much I like you and reject me”).
Once the shift has occurred, you can be sure that your daughter’s manifestation will change. Now, help her to see the correlation between the work she did (visualization and feeling better) and the way the boy now behaved toward her. Help her to feel that sense of control.
But what about the underlying thought that caused the pain in the first place? Often, simply shifting the evidence of that thought will be enough to cause your child to come to a different conclusion. Where before, she was afraid the boy was right when he called her names, now she no longer sees any reason to think that. Remember that children’s beliefs are usually not as ingrained as those in adults and shift more easily. They remember Who They Really Are faster.
Any advice on teaching LOA wouldn’t be complete without covering how to manifest “stuff”. For your children, this may be toys, vacations, experiences, people or even houses. There’s no limit to what your children (or you) can want.
Don’t limit their desires
So, obviously, the first step in manifesting anything, is not to limit our dreams. In other words, and I’m going to be super blunt about this: Stop being so damn realistic. If your child wants to be a Wizard, don’t poo poo all over that idea by suggesting that he be a doctor instead (and that doctors are like wizards in that they magically heal people.) Instead, get in on the fun of what he could do as a Wizard. Maybe, when he’s a wizard, he can make a Unicorn, and you could all ride to work and school on it. Wouldn’t that be fun?
If you have a hard time with this kind of daydreaming and you feel like you need to give your child “realistic” expectations, let me put your mind at ease. You are not turning your child into a delusional weirdo. Why does your child want to be a wizard? There’s a core desire in there that’s being expressed through the mind of a child. Your child may want to be powerful, for example. When you negate the representation of his desire, you negate the desire. In other words, when you tell your child in any way that he can’t be a wizard, you are telling him that he can’t be powerful. You may not have made that association, but he will. So, dream with him and let him feel the joy around the possibilities – those that make him feel powerful or good or loved or whatever. Don’t limit his view of the world and of himself.
“So,” I can hear you asking, “if my kid wants a Pony for Christmas, I should just pretend that he can have one, even though I know we don’t have the money, or the room, etc.?” Yes, and no. I’m not saying that you should lie to your daughter and tell her that yes, she’s totally getting a pony, when you know you won’t be able to make that happen. But, you can certainly feed the dream and the possibility of it. Imagine with her how amazing it would be to have a pony. Ask her where the pony would live (have her imagine a solution). Don’t be afraid to not know an answer. “How will we pay for it?”, for example may stop the fantasy cold. But, if you allow for the fact that this detail could easily work itself out and just focus on what it would be like to have a pony, you open the way for a manifestation.
Even if you can’t get your daughter a pony, the Universe can easily arrange circumstances where she can ride a pony, or even have regular access to one. Don’t assume that you are the only avenue through which your kids can manifest and don’t train them to think you are, either. Don’t shut down their dreams just because you can’t think of a way to make them happen. Remember, the HOW is not your job.
Techniques/games to help your children manifest
You can use pretty much any manifesting technique that adults use with your kids. Make a vision board and have your kids cut out images of what they want. Or create a Wish Box and have them place images and/or representations of what they want in the box. The key is that the images or representations must feel really good. This is where the teaching comes in (but it won’t take long; your kids will be geniuses at this). Make sure that your kids are focusing on what they want, rather on what they don’t want.
Pretend you’re at an Improv class
There’s a rule when practicing Improv – no matter what the other person says, you have to accept is and run with it. For example, if someone says “You’re all wet! What happened?”, an appropriate response might be “I don’t know! I woke up that way!” You would NOT want to say “What are you talking about? I’m not wet.” You accept the premise that you are, indeed, soaking wet and go from there. You can play this game with your kids. Why? Because it helps them accept the impossible as possible and the more they do that, the easier it will be for them to manifest anything. Moreover, it will teach YOU not to inadvertently squash their dreams with your well ingrained realism.
Celebrate every positive manifestation
Last but not least, one of the most important things you can do to teach your children about the Law of Attraction is to help them recognize and celebrate every manifestation. If they thought of butterflies and you see butterflies (real ones, stickers, any representation, really), point out that they made this happen. If your daughter wanted a pony and visualized it, and she gets to ride a pony, help her recognize that this experience is a direct result of her visualization (and that it’s a great sign that bigger pony experiences are on the way.) Essentially, help them see every positive manifestation as a sign from the Universe that they’re doing it right and on their way to better and better things. Help them look for the magic in their lives. This positive reinforcement will not only help them recognize the good and the joy in their lives, but will orient them AND YOU towards more good and joy. And before you know it, you’ll be a whole family of happy shiny puppies who sees almost nothing but evidence of what’s going right. Plus, you’ll totally get that pony.
The following coaching calls address parenting issues (click to see the full call summary):
Coaching Call #009 – Parenting, Fear for Your Child’s Wellbeing, Dealing with a Custody Battle, Co-Parenting with an Ex
Coaching Call #018 – LOA Parenting – She’s Afraid That She’s Not A Good Mother
The following blog posts also deal with children and parenting issues:
Indigo Children Part 1 – Sifting Through The Bullshit
Indigo Children Part 2 – Stubborn, Intuitive, Demanding Little Bastards
Intuitive Eating For Families – How To Get Your Kids To Eat Their Veggies
“Children and teens need to be held accountable for doing things that they don’t want to do”
” time is up on the wish clock and it’s time to get to work on a career that is realistic for them.”
“you gain self-esteem by working hard and doing things that are difficult for you to do. Also, if kids don’t work at things and struggle and fail, how will they see the connection between hard work and feeling good? It’s never too late if the motivation is really there—along with the realization that sitting back and waiting for things to happen isn’t working.”
” incredibly realistic picture of common career idols such as athletes and actors—for example, the median hourly wage for an actor is less than $18/hour—good information for an aspiring starlet to know!”
“The focus should be on helping your child to be a student first, and a student of her dream profession second.”
THAT’S WHY NO ONE BELIEVES DREASM COME TRUE, BECAUSE IT’S GIVEN FOCUS PRIORITY NUMBER 2, INSTEAD OF FULL FOCUS!!!
Sometimes these anti-magic, smother us with realism articles have insights in them!
So how do we counter the “realistic” culture? The answer could help us all!
I can tell you how I counter it: I realize that statements like the ones you put her are total BS, and focus on my own truth instead. Oh, and I realize that there will always be those who disagree with me, and that’s ok. I don’t need them to believe what I believe in order to create the reality I want. Third, I NEVER go looking for evidence that contradicts what I want to manifest.
Hi Joan of Arch (she would be a perfect example of manifesting greatness, it boggles my mind! even in 2012 women and young people aren’t taken seriously, but she led armies! How? Amazing!)
I call you this because you have the missing puzzle pieces I don’t have, such as courage and faith.
My hurdle is needing others to back me and support my view before I feel the safety to step forward, knowing I won’t be attacked, questioned or triggered into doubt.
I don’t like doing this LOA alone, feeling unsure, having no proof, and also needing to sort crucial things out in a short time frame.
(weeks! less than a month, maybe 3 weeks…)
I have the faith, as I don’t have anything left, but I just can’t believe strongly enough, in face of reality.
The doubting Thomas of LOA. Or the person that is just depressed and can’t turn it all around fast enough.
Actually, you do have evidence that LOA has worked for you. You just don’t want to see it that way. I promise you, Joan of Arch had plenty of doubts. Everyone does.
It does require a leap of faith to just go with this. But really, why not give it a real try? What have you got to lose?
In any case, the process is still working. The point will come when you turn this around one way or another. It always does. I know it sucks having to wait for it, not having the clarity. I’ve been there. All I can tell you is that it will, eventually, get better. If I’d known then what I know now, I could’ve gotten here faster. But perhaps I wouldn’t know now what I do if I hadn’t gone through all the crap in the precise way I did. Hang in there. The day will come when taking the leap of faith will be less risky to you than the alternative. And that’s when everything changes.
It is. I don’t really have anything to lose…except that thing that is already happening in some ways now. I am not really looking forward to the next week, and new years.
So I just sit there and focus, or is it like casting a spell?
I’m ready to take that leap! I took my damn time, didn’t I? 🙂
Well I guess it’s because previous tries were so painful. I think when my change happens, there are literally people waiting to throw a party.
It was like when I was unemployed long ago for so long, when I told my friends I got a job it was so funny, lots of eye rolling, cheering, jumping up and down….my gay friend was like “Well about time!!!” and they were seriously debating throwing a party.
We are no longer in contact, can’t remember why…think they just moved away as we were all on good terms….but yeah…I take my damn time. 🙂
I totally agree with this post but I have a hard time with this one. I know the correct way to impart LOA knowledge upon them but I find myself reverting back to behavior that I observed in my parents. Its a tough change but this article was a great help. Thanks.
Well, the key here is that you kind of have to work on yourself first/as well. But, the great thing is that your kids will get this stuff much faster than you and will help you learn it. They’ll mirror back all your old, limiting beliefs to you (that’s when they really get on your nerves), so that you NOTICE when you are acting like your parents in ways that you don’t want to. Hang in there. Your kids are your most powerful teachers. They won’t let you down. 🙂
It does answer it a bit. I think I’ll have to ponder it some more, perhaps go inward on that one. The kid was me. We lived next door to an elementary school (not the one I went to however) and each year they’d have a little carnival in the schoolyard/playground. I must have been about 9 the year I went over alone.
And yes, I was vulnerable throughout my childhood, with emotional abuse coming from all directions…teachers, schoolmates, a bully or two in the neighborhood and parents. I had two younger siblings and if I was nine, my sister would’ve only been just three and my brother six.
Anyway, I’m not writing for pity, just clarifying more of the story. I can imagine the low vibe I must’ve given off that morning at the fair. And even though I was excited about the fair, I’m sure I still felt lonely since I was there alone. Things like that are always more fun with a friend or at that age, even a parent.
Well that’ll teach me not to read one of your posts because “it doesn’t apply to me.”
Ha! As usual I took some things away for myself as an adult. I love the list and in doing inner child work with self, this stuff can work too.
Dusty, I love how you handle all that emotion stuff with your kid. The texture box is rather innovative.
Mel, I am wondering about the vibration factor however. Let’s say a child is at a carnival alone. (This is a real life scenario by the way.) And she buys a string of tickets so she can do a bunch of activities. Just as she steps away from the ticket booth, as she’s putting her change away, some punk slides by and snatches the entire string out of her hand before she gets a chance to put them in her pocket. The culprit disappears into the vast crowd and she never sees her tickets again. What’s up with that? Is the kid who was stolen from, vibrating at a frequency that attracts such behavior? She was originally excited and happy at this unexpected event she woke up to that was taking place right next to her own house. Is she picking up vibrations from her parents, the house she lives in, the surrounding crowd? Is she subconsciously lonely and nervous because of being in a crowd of strangers, even though she’s done similar things with enjoyment previously?
Thanks for the awesome post. 🙂
You really should know better by now, lol.
Well, it’s impossible to say for sure without talking to the kid, but I’d say in such a scenario there would be a general feeling of unfairness and vulnerability in that kid’s life. It could be as simple as having been an only child and now there’s a younger sibling getting all the attention. Now the older child feels that there’s never enough (attention, toys, love) for her. It could be picked up from the parents. If the child is stable in a happy vibration, the crowd will not have that much of an influence on her. The crowd could amplify something that was already there, but not create it.
Does that answer your question?
You are so right in that kids naturally use LOA. it’s so important to foster it rather than train it out of them. Thanks for sharing this post! I wish my parents had read this when I was little.
Thanks Zivana! Yeah… I kind of wish I’d written it years ago, lol. But I’m not sure it would’ve been received the same from a twelve year old… 😉
Good read Melody – where were you when I was little? 🙂
I think I was little, too, Pat, he, he. But I’m certain that Little Melody and Little Pat would’ve been friends. 🙂
I think so too — hmmm (picturing that – Little Melody and Little Pat) it would have been nice. Maybe if I had known you I would have been on track sooner with LOA. I could have short cutted (is that a term?) to where I am now and avoided all the “adventures”. Nah, wouldn’t have been as much fun – LOL 🙂
Hmmm teaching yourself this is one thing, teaching children with their impressionable blank canvas of a mind…that’s another…
I don’t have them, so luckily I don’t have to debate that moral mine-field. Don’t think I’d feel right about it….
Probrably why this blog might be a little quite, with tumble weeds blowing through. Just thought I’d point out that elephant in the room.
Do you remember how you felt Melody, when someone religious starts teaching their children about the original sin, shame, karma and all the things YOU think are bullshit? And the efforts you have to go through to coach people out of those limiting beliefs…
Well I’m sure some people feel the same way about this.
I’m not saying that’s what I think, but sure is something to consider, carefully. You know like how you may consider not drinking before driving…down a street of innocent pedestrians.
Now my question: How can we access our inner child, to teach this to ourselves with the same openess and innocence that a real child would have?
This is fine, seeing our adult concious minds give permission to reach our child selves…
Well, I wouldn’t want anyone to teach their kids something they don’t resonate with. But this work, the way I see it, is much more abut allowing kids to follow their own innate wisdom, and NOT train them out of it. But yes, parenting is a very personal subject, and I can see how sharing those fears and anxieties publicly would be harrowing. Nothing scares people quite as much as the fear that they might screw up their kids, and I haven’t met a parent yet who didn’t doubt themselves at least from time to time. Kids are just so important to us, that it amplifies any fears we have.
You can actually do an exercise where you imagine talking to yourself as a child. You can work through all kinds of issues that way. NOt because you actually have an inner child that needs to be healed, but because 1.) it gives you some distance (it’s easier to shift past situations than current ones), 2.) you’ll be much kinder to your child self than your current self, and 3.) many of your issues stem from childhood. That’s when we make most of our decisions about ourselves and the world, but from a limited and often quite skewed perspective. And it’s this perspective that needs to shift.
You can start by imagining that you’re giving your child self a hug and then going from there. Talk to her, see what comes up and then teach her to see the world in a different way.
Adding my additional two cents to this discussion Melody…we’re all using these laws of consciousness all the blooming time. They’re universal principles and we can’t say, oh I won’t use these today. It happens as a matter of course. Just as we don’t get to choose which of the physical laws we’ll follow, they work regardless of whether we learn them, know about them or not…some of them we need to know pretty quickly ie gravity or we find ourselves in trouble.
So with that said, it makes a ton of sense to me to find out as early as possible that we can actually direct our attention towards the life, or the being we want to have or be. So that we’re operating these universal principles towards our highest and best…whatever that is for each of us.
Love your perspective Melody…just saying.
Right on Elle. And what are we doing with the “traditional” teaching anyway, but showing our kids how to focus on the unwanted? And that takes a lot of training because they don’t want to think that way. The resistance to this aligned way of thinking isn’t theirs (the kids’), it’s ours. We have to overcome all that BS we’ve learned. This is why I love learning from kids. Instead of telling them how to think, why not ask them what they think and ponder that for a moment? 🙂
Smooches and hugs Elle! Love to have you here you gorgeous soul!
I am really surprised. This blog usually has 40 some odd comments within 12 hours. This post is different. Does this mean most of you don’t have children? Or are those who practice keeping it their personal “secret”?
Hey Dusty, I noticed the same thing. We have to remember that only a very small percentage (usually around 5%) of those who read a blog post will comment on it. Maybe the regular commenters don’t have kids… But many of the readers do, which is why I get so many questions on parenting issues.
The posts with the most comments don’t necessarily have the most views and vice versa. I have yet to figure out what causes more comments to be made and why some posts get less. It’s a total mystery to me. 🙂
Some of us are trying to have kids, so this stuff will apply later on, if this adds to your question.
I was wondering if the idea of teaching the LOA to children was somewhat scary. Parents spend a lot of time teaching kids how to plan, how to work for goals and how to become self dependent. In a quasi way, the idea of teaching a child they can tap into the universe and get things without working for it is unnerving. How to do you combat the idea they don’t have to study for a test because the universe will take care of it?
Hmmmmm… According to Abe, we should even be worried about this. It is none of our concern, at least that is what I heard and understood.
Oops, sorry, we should not even be worried about this.
Yeah, Dusty. I get that. It’s the parents’ resistance that gets in the way. And I wouldn’t necessarily say “You don’t have to study”. I’d approach it by focusing on the wanted (the good test score, or simply the knowledge) and then study a bit in an inspired state. Better yet, if the kid can view school not as a prison, but as a place of being given different tools (some of which he may or may not choose to use and keep) and can tie each class to something he actually likes and wants, then the information he wants will stick during the classes and he won’t have to study nearly as much.
However, I’m a big believer in the fact that grades really aren’t nearly as important as we make them out to be. We believe that if our children don’t get good grades, they won’t be happy later in life. But that’s BS. So, why not focus on their happiness and believe in it, and let them believe in it and then see which details need to be tweaked? And if your child doesn’t see the point in a certain subject, he may very well be right. It may be totally useless. Ok, Ok, I feel another blog post coming on. I’m going off on way too many tangents here. But I think I’ve made my point or twenty. 🙂
This is good Melody and shines of puppiness. So, in terms of exams, we should focus on the score and enjoy the preparation as much as possible.
If that works for you, yes. But some people get really stressed out about the score. In that case, I tell them to focus on why they’re studying what they’re studying in the first place. Like, if you want to be a doctor and help people, focus on that and let it inspire you to the learning you’ll need in order to become one. You’d be amazed at how much easier it is to study when you’re relaxed and joyful. 🙂
How do we teach LOA to children who have autism, ADD/ADHD or any other form of alphabet soup assigned to them? They have the intensity to be magnificent while not having the ability to focus for more than seconds at a time. As with my son, the goal this year is for him to work independently for 15 minutes.
His wants change as fast as the commercials. He wants the cool new pirate ship, a knife sharpener that makes credit cards sharp enough to cut through tomatoes, burger king and whatever else comes next. The truth is he may or may not want any of these things. When he sees them, he wants them with the brilliant intensity of a thousand white hot burning suns.
I’ve found in my dealing with parents of autistic kids that often, simply not pushing against what they know to be true is a huge step in the right direction. Validating their inner knowing. When we restrict them in any way, the rebel vehemently. Saying “no, that isn’t that way” is going to get a very different reaction than helping them make sense of the world through their perspective. I hope that makes sense…
And you know, your son can have all of those things. He may not be able to control how they come to him (i.e. you buying them for him), but he can have all of them. That’s the teaching. That it doesn’t all have to come through you. Let him want what he wants (which may or may not be the thing he’s looking at). He may not be able to have it in that moment, and neither of you may know how he’ll get it, but it’s important, especially with autistic kids, to allow them the desire and knowledge that they can have it. The possibility is there.
I’m guessing that you’re doing a fabulous job with your son, Dusty. If you have any tips for other parents of autistic or ADD kids, feel free to share them here! 🙂
There are only two big hurdles with dealing with “special needs” kids. What they do is an expression of them, having nothing to do with you. This is a hard thing to learn, in the beginning it all seems so personal. They are the most creative, interesting people you will ever meet, even when they are laying in the middle of a restaurant floor screaming their head off.
The next hurdle is they may or may not ever be able to say “I love you” so you absolutely have to have faith.
Melody this is fabulous. I’m sending it around to everyone who has young kids. Can’t start too early. As you say children are natural users of the LOA and it get’s trained out of them.
We want to have strong, confident kids – one of our little sprites who’s six decided she wanted to dress up as Ron Weasley (not Harry Potter) for halloween and one of the boys at school was laughing at her telling her Ron Weasley was a boy and her response was “I don’t care.” No sense of needing to be a people pleaser, just sticking with being herself. Confident in her choices.
And yes, she has a vision board, a little one by her bed!
Oh Elle, that’s amazing! I love these kids!! And really, little boy? Applying rules to the fantasy game of dressing up for Halloween?? He’s obviously jealous because he wanted to go as Hermione and wouldn’t let himself…
Always love it when you stop by Elle.
Huge hugs for you!
it’s a lovely post…Maybe the most touching one for me.It’s not so easy to confess but looking back at my childhood the most vivid memories are about judgement,irrelevant assosiations between feelings and actions.If I do that they don’t love me,so I shouldn’t act like me,I should be perfect and I shouldn’t be different etc.At primary school I was insulted by my teacher for wearing a purple hairpin because all the girls should have been wearing the big silly white hairpins.!!!! It was the rule at the state schools. So,the children are really more capable of reminding their own worth than adults.I wish I would have been raised as more confident.Anyway I am really happy to read this post.And absolutely I will apply these techniques on myself and my students!!
Love xoxoxo :):):)
Ah yes, teachers would do well to adopt some of these principles, too. They’ve been trained “well” just like parents have and can’t act outside of their own beliefs. And the more fearful and insecure a person is, the more they cling to the rules…
Your students are lucky to have such an awake and connected teacher! Just one such person in someone’s life can make a HUGE difference. Ask anyone whose been inspired by that one special teacher. 🙂
Here’s a short story and if I’ve told this before, just slap me upside the head to stop me.
When I was a little Tony I remember both my parents immersed in what I used to call “voodoo books” They both studied Eastern Philosophy for 30 plus years. When my dad moved on from this reality and my mom sold the house, my sisters and I inherited their stuff. My sisters got the furniture and everything else, guess what I got? That’s right, hundreds and hundreds of voodoo books. I guess my dad and I had a secret plan that eventually I would become aware of, and utilize the teachings. Thanks dad.
My two daughters, both 19 years old, very mature, very wise, and very pretty are everything to me. They both write me hand written birthday cards every year that makes me cry like a baby…….well….not really like a baby. In the last card they said “You are my dad, mentor, and friend”
The amazing thing about kids are: they have the answers. Really, we all do, we just need someone to help guide us. First, I just want to mention I never hit my kids. I know it is not necessary, there are other ways. Giving time outs is one, and during those time out periods I would go in their room to talk to them. I wouldn’t tell them what I thought they did wrong, I would ask them what they thought they did wrong first. They knew, and this knowing gave them the power to change. Eventually they would ask me to come into their rooms and they would volunteer information. It got to the point where they would tell me everything. It was very strange at first because I never told my parents anything, I was very sneaky. The point is, I would treat them as equals, and I let them think for themselves.
The other thing I did was to be their father first, mentor, and then a “friend.” This is very important because it practically eliminates the “generation gap” That is so huge.
I am friends with their friends, my daughters boyfriend calls me dad. We go to concerts together (I like the same music) We go dancing together, and travel together.
So I thank my dad for the voodoo books. It indirectly helped me and my family. We all need encouragement, and mentors.
Thanks so much for sharing your awesome perspective and experience. It sounds like you have an amazing and very authentic relationship with your daughters. You get an awesome parent star. 😛
We haven’t worked on manifesting. I am working on manifesting a cup of coffee. Once I get the process, I can share it with the crazy yard apes.
It helps to recognize that you are already manifesting all day every day. When you can see how you’ve manifested something without even trying (everything in your reality has been manifested by you), it becomes a lot less daunting. 🙂
With my mini’s (daughter 22, son 9 and son 2), it’s a little different. My 9 year old is hypOsensitve. This means everything has to be more real than real including his emotional state. He is learning impulse control and how to interact with others. It has taken us years to get him to identify his emotions and even longer to voice them. With the two year old, it’s easier to use sign language (angry, sad, happy, sick, love, surprise and fear). Otherwise everything is “choo choo, cars, brother, cars, sad.”
When Asher, the 9 year old, comes home miffed off at one of his classmates, it is an explosion of anger. If it’s not acknowledged, this spirals out of control. The way we started dealing with all emotions is exaggeration. “I hate him!”
My response “Do you loathe him!?!”
“Yeah, he’s odious.”
“Yeah, I heard that too. I heard his feet smell like stinky spaghetti cheese.”
“They do, even his eyeballs stink. They smell like stale Doritos with brussel sprouts.”
“That is bad. Maybe he’s a grouch because he is just a bunch of spoiled food.”
“Maybe but he hurt my feelings.” Then we have the opportunity to talk about the what’s and how’s.
Anger, sadness and happiness are the easy ones. The difficult ones are feeling of incompetence, embarrassment, out of control or other issues for which there are no words. We made a board with 9 different squares, some have rocks, sandpaper, satin, carpet, a slick rubbery substance and so on. I have him close his eyes and feel each section. “Which one feels like you?” Then “You feel like rocks. Where do you feel this?”…
“When did you feel this? At lunch?” (nothing ever happens at lunch but it helps him think of the timeline)
“No, when we were at math.”
“Were the problems hard?”
“Yeah, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Did you ask for help?”
“No because she stopped at my desk four times. Everyone was looking.” At this point I could tell him to blow off everyone else but let’s be realistic. I couldn’t ask him to blow off everyone looking any more that I could ask an adult to blow off everyone staring.
“Does it feel hot when they look?”
“No just cold and lonely. I started making noises.” He does that under extreme stress.
“Did you ask for a break?”
“No I just felt sad.”
“What do you think you could do better next time?”
“I don’t know, I’m just sad.”
“Thank sadness for being here but we have to clear sadness so we can think.” At this point, we have shake ourselves. Pump our fists in the air with great “HEYYAHH’s”, to the side and our feet kick it off. We sit and try too look at the sadness again and see what could be done better. It’s all a learning process. What works this week might not work next week.
We exaggerate happiness too. After a great night of trick or treating, we were complementing the neighborhood’s generosity. He said “They were so great I want to lick them all!” I told him he had to wait till he was voting age before he attempted that.
He said “They were so great I want to lick them all!” I told him he had to wait till he was voting age before he attempted that
hahahahhaha. so CUTE !
He’s an interesting guy. He was watching youtube, he loves to watch people play video games. He came out to dinner and informs me they said “mother f*cking b*tches”. I told him he was not to say that. He was so confused. I didn’t say it, they said it. The whole idea of reporting what was said is still you saying it was mind blowing.
We had to watch the news so we could pick out when someone was reporting what someone else was saying. He thought it was hilarious. “Nuh uh, Romney didn’t say that. The reporter just said it.” When I pointed out the Romney may have said it first, it was once again boggling.
So we worked on the “jinks, you owe me a soda” factor. We both said the same thing. Two people can say the same thing. Everyday, I am amazed at the understanding I take for granted which has to be broken down.
BTW, given half a chance, he might actually lick one or two of the people in the neighborhood.
That’s awesome Dusty!!!! You should’ve written this post, he, he. I love how you use humor to exaggerate the feeling. I do that a lot, too, and it really works. And the fact that you also exaggerate the happy feelings is so extra awesome!! I just adore your wit! 🙂