Awesome Saurabh asks: “Many LOA teachers say that if you want something, and visualize it daily and then take action… it won’t work if you have some negative limiting beliefs in your subconscious mind. So, I want to ask you, if I want something and have many, many negative beliefs around that, will it never manifest in my reality no matter how much I allow it to appear? I have many negative beliefs around money and I might not know about some. If i allow the money to come will it come regardless of the beliefs I am holding in my sub conscious?”

There’s a bit of a misunderstanding in this question, and that’s the idea that you can allow something while triggering resistance. When you are allowing, you are, by definition, not triggering resistance (or limiting beliefs.)

Let’s say that you want money; you have a very strong desire for it, and you focus on feeling good about money on a daily basis. As you do this, and if you’re actually feeling good, you are aligning with the frequency of what you want, and any obstacles (limiting beliefs) that contradict that frequency will manifest, so that you can release them. As long as you keep moving towards what you want (aligning with it), you really can’t miss the resistance. It will get bigger and bigger.

However, if you want money, but aren’t aligning with it, then you may not know that you have resistance. You are not allowing in that moment, but you may not know why. The solution is to do the above – align with it and see what obstacles pop up. Then, release each one.

Oh, and if your desire is strong enough, it may just drag you towards what you want, even if you’re not deliberately focusing. And yes, it will drag you kicking and screaming through your resistance. Then, people look at you and think “he got what he wanted because he suffered a lot”, which is a total misinterpretation of what just happened. But, that’s how limiting beliefs are born. 🙂

Arrogance vs. Self Esteem

Awesome dude asks: “Isn’t it wrong of think of myself as wonderful? Isn’t it wrong to be proud? I’ve always been told I’m arrogant and that I think too much of myself.”

Oh my, no! It’s not wrong to think of yourself as wonderful. There’s a big difference between thinking that you are great and thinking that you are better than others. The second is arrogance which actually comes from low self-esteem. When you truly understand your value, you are not insecure and you don’t feel the need to be better than anyone else. In fact, when you recognize your own greatness, you have an easier time seeing it in others, as well.

Those you then still call you arrogant simply have a much lower vibration than you do and are made uncomfortable by it. They try to bring you down to their level so the difference between your two energy levels stops being so evident. But, if you just focus on feeling good and make what they think irrelevant to how you feel, they’ll either have to gravitate right out of your reality or come up to your level to join you. And then, you’ll both be “arrogant”, ha.

Is There A Hell?

Awesome Arils asks: “I read your comment about when we die we return to the non physical where we get what we believe, and that’s very close to what I believe too. What I am really afraid of is that the Christians and some Buddhist kept saying people who committed suicide will go to hell or be reborn as a man to suffer again, and when I look up pictures of hell, I get really sad. What do you have to say about hell? Because there are many near death experience that show people going to hell, then coming back to earth. I don’t want all those who’ve committed suicide because of pain to go to hell. That’s just plain cruel; that’s more cruel than man. And to think God claimed he is kind. Are you sure there is no hell? Because it sounds really bad, suffering in insane pain for eternity without rest…”

Well, as always, I can only tell you my truth. And my truth is that there is no hell, except the one we create for ourselves here on earth (by thinking that life has to be hard and filled with suffering, and by keeping ourselves from receiving what we’ve created). But, after death, there is no hell, no punishment, no judgment, no retribution, no Devil, no evil, no life review, no purgatory. There’s only light and love and knowing and huge, expanded perspective. When we die, we drop all of our resistance and instantly experience everything we’ve ever wanted. It’s all heaven, all the time.

Actually, I want to clarify something – I never said that after death you get what you believe. In fact, your beliefs just drop away. You get what you wanted, without all of your resistance. Your inner being withdraws his focus from this physical world and you rejoin him and get access to everything you’ve caused him to become.

About those who’ve committed suicide: Abraham likes to say that every death is a suicide. I believe that, as well. There is no punishment for suicide. Think about it: the person who committed suicide did so out of extreme, unimaginable pain. The time of the transition was agreed upon by the non physical as well (otherwise it’s not suicide, but an attempt), but the way is an incredibly painful one. What would be the purpose of adding more pain on top of that? As you said, it’s cruel. And it’s not true. The Universe is not cruel. It’s love. Pure and simple. I may write a post specifically about suicide in the near future to explore this further.

As far as near death experiences go, I answered this in a comment on a recent post, in reply to a question about near death experiences and life reviews. I’ll reprint my answer here:

[Near death is not death. It’s a partial withdrawal from the physical body and this particular perspective, where you then have the ability to leap (and yes, it is a quantum leap) to a broader perspective. But, you’re still very much connected to your body. So, you get access to this higher vibration, which comes with insights. You manifest more clarity. When you “return” your focus to your body, your brain then translates the energy you had access to. And that translation will make sense to you. It will make sense of the massive shift you just experienced – your mind will then understand what happened emotionally. It will all seem seamless, of course, and you may even think that you had an emotional reaction because of the intellectual understanding you achieved, but it was actually the other way around.

No one actually almost dies. We either die or we don’t. Our hearts may stop, but if we recover, it was because we did not actually withdraw our focus from our bodies. We didn’t transition.

I’ve actually experienced such a life review moment, and I’ve never been dead nor nearly dead. It was during a shamanic ritual. I saw every moment of my life laid out before me and understood the importance of each one. And I realized how perfect each moment had been, how utterly important. How nothing is wasted. Not a second, not a breath, not an encounter. And although I couldn’t hold on to the incredible amount of detail I experienced (I really saw my whole life!) when my focus returned to the here and now, the experience remained. And yes, it changed me profoundly. I had reached a new level of consciousness. Even though, upon my “return”, I wasn’t quite at that level of clarity anymore, I was much, much higher than I’d been before. It was a quantum leap. (Note: If I had been working through massive amounts of resistance, I might easily have seen the review from a more “negative” perspective, with more judgment, etc. As it was, I’d already dropped loads of resistance in two previous ceremonies and was thus prepared to receive this shift in a more positive way. Near death experiencers don’t generally get the luxury of moving incrementally like that.)

You see whatever you need to see in order to shift your vibration. The near death experience and shift are manifestations – drastic ones. Often, people experience profound personality shifts after such an experience. Well, of course they do. They’ve experienced a massive shift in their vibration!]

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  • Hi Melody. In your post to Laura you mentioned that if you keep focusing on your desire, more and more drama will occur triggering that fear more and more. Is this still the case if you were to let the ex go and focus on experiencing a wonderful relationship with someone new. What I’m really trying to say is …I guess I’m afraid to focus on my desire(of a relationship with someone new) if it is going to create more drama with the ex…

    Hope this makes sense 😀

    Thanks so much! Love your blog:)

    • Hey Noelle,

      I didn’t actually say that if you focus on your desire the drama will get worse and worse. If you hang on to a specific way that this desire must come to you (like a specific person who is NOT a match to what you want), then the drama will get worse and worse.

      If you can let go of the HOW and just focus on what you want (let go of control), the drama will come to an end. The drama is about hanging on to resistance, not focusing on desire.

      Huge hugs!!


  • Hi Melody:

    I have participated in Aya ceremonies and I am active in a church that uses it in their works. I just participated in 2 weekends of ceremonies and they were some of the best works that I have ever done and I feel incredibly transformed, much like I did during my very first weekend with the medicine (because it is spiritual medicine). Similar to you, I knew about the medicine about 5 years prior and then it presented itself to me and I immediately had to do it. No questions asked. It has been transformative in my life, but I still struggle and have come to realize that there is no magic pill; however, I making such amazing improvements in my life since beginning the practice. I also discovered that I’m a strong medium (technically, we all are) and now I’m working on developing my ability. As the medicine said to me this past weekend, I am God and God is me and we are one and when I align with God and the light, then I align with myself and my intuition. I’m working on letting go of my fears and finding my power. At one work, I said to God, “I am so confused” and God responded, “You are confused because you give up your power.”. It was during that work that I decided to leave my comfortable job, which I’m miserable at, and become my own employer or go freelance. Your website has been very helpful to me because taking risks is letting go of my fears to which there are many, but as long as I stay align with the light, then I will be ok. And when I do get scared of my upcoming journey, God told me just to wrap myself in my blanket that I bring to ceremonies if that’s what I need for security. I have to laugh because I’m in my 40’s and now I have a blankie for protection. Kind of funny really. I still have many limiting beliefs to transform and one thing I’d like to point out is that there is no magic pill. Working with Aya is just that – Work. But, the deeper one goes, the better it evenutally gets and the more aligned with the light one becomes.

    Infinite blessings,


    • Hey Elizabeth,

      Thanks so much for sharing your own experience here. I’m still a huge fan of Aya, and we talk often (the spirit of Aya is one of my guides), although I haven’t done a ceremony in over a year. I will when I’m called, though. The answers are always so clear and it can take me weeks or even months to really integrate them. It’s definitely not a quick fix, or a gentle way to go. But it can lead to huge breakthroughs…

      Sending you huge hugs!!


  • Oh yeah. I also wanted to thank you for your link to you Ayahuasca experience. It’s cool to know someone who’s done it. I was reading about and listening to ppl on youtube about it. But you relate it much better than anything I’ve read or heard.

    Thanks. Perhaps someday. It sounds like a huge step in enlightenment.

    • Hey Laura,

      You’re welcome. You’ll KNOW if and when it’s right for you. I knew I resonated with it about 5-6 years before I was ready. And even since then, I only go when I resonate with it, which is by no means all the time. Often, there are better ways for me to work through something in a particular moment. Aya is one tool of many. Use it when it’s right, use other stuff when that’s right. 🙂

      Huge hugs,

  • Wow this is an awesome thread. I read every comment and got something out of most.
    And the last one from Awesome Saurabh is quite close to the question I also wanted to ask.

    When resistance is appearing it means you are getting closer to what you desire? In what way? Why does resistance pop up or should I say “how is it” that resistance transpires as we get closer to what we desire? Can you elaborate with examples? I’m not quite grasping this idea.

    And the kicking and screaming bit…kicking and screaming AGAINST your desire? Is this something like say a relationship ends. It was a bad one…but you hang on…you even break it off a couple times yourself sensing it’s just not right, something is amiss. But you miss him and pull him back in for more unhealthiness. Round and round you go and then one day, HE breaks up with you. And this time it’s final. This is really what you want, right? But you don’t consciously know it. “Oh no,” you proclaim, “Please don’t go.”

    But there is a desire for growth that you don’t even know the depth of. And if you stay with this guy, this growth spurt let alone journey that you REALLY desire, even if buried in your subconscious or something you fear because you know he won’t come with you, would never be possible.

    Is this what you mean?
    LOL…I think I might have answered my own question. 😛


    • Hey Laura,

      You did answer your own question – the second one at least. Let’s say you want a certain kind of relationship. And you keep hanging on to a guy who is not a match to that. So, by hanging on to that guy, you are keeping yourself from receiving your desire. You are keeping yourself from becoming a match to the relationship you want, by declaring it must be with THIS guy, even though he’s nowhere near the vibration of the relationship you want. And so, you get more and more drama, more and more incentive to move on. It hurts more and more, so that at some point, hopefully you’ll have had enough and you’ll let go.

      Think of it this way: you are walking down a road leading to what you want. Along the way, there are obstacles. Now, if you focus on your desire, you speed up. And you hit those obstacles harder. You become MORE aware of them, like driving over speed bumps at a lower or higher speed. So, in the above scenario, where you’re hanging on the current guy out of fear that you will never feel love again, the fear is the obstacle. Let that go and you can let the guy go and let the better one, the magnificent one, come in. As you move faster towards your desire because you’re focusing on it, there will be more and more drama, triggering that fear more and more, making you more aware of it but also giving you more and more incentive to just leave already. See how it all works out? 🙂

      Huge hugs,

  • “you are aligning with the frequency of what you want, and any obstacles (limiting beliefs) that contradict that frequency will manifest, so that you can release them. As long as you keep moving towards what you want (aligning with it), you really can’t miss the resistance. It will get bigger and bigger………..”

    does manifesting resistance means health getting worse, anxiety, more worries, doubts, mental stress, tension and even road accidents???

    i am asking this because i am going through all this in trying to align with the frequency of what i want. If yes then how to release this resistance. ?

    • Yep Saurabh, those are all manifestations of resistance. They are all there to get your attention and to serve you. Figure out what emotional feeling each one represents, if you have a pattern of this emotion manifesting and then go hunting for the thoughts that caused those emotions. Or, just shift how you perceived all those events. The key is to feel better. When you’ve achieve that, you’ve released the resistance. 🙂

      Huge hugs,

  • I love what you said about suffering:

    “People look at you and think “he got what he wanted because he suffered a lot”, which is a total misinterpretation of what just happened.”

    Suffering is not only not a requirement, it is *never* even part of the formula. If you succeed in the face of suffering, that success is in spite of the suffering, not because of it.

    • Exactly Ken! We succeed in spite of our suffering, not because of it. I wish they’d put that on billboards. 🙂 I’d love to see a monument built in honor of someone who achieved a great deal with no suffering. I know society’s not quite there yet, but I love the idea of it. Just think of it! Ha!

      Huge hugs,


  • Yes! I had commented on self-respect the other day, so I am glad to see the topic here as a review of the material. It is this “self-centeredness” and confidence that are required for the LOA to flow and work.

    It is not the belief that one is better than others but more of a pure vibration to hook up with source energy that makes things happen. With these as a foundation, one is not subject to peer pressure or the nuance of what others think to throw one off track and pinch off from source. Quite the contrary, this keeps one on track for all desires to be fulfilled, while still being helpful, polite, efficient and trustworthy to others, and inspired to throw the best parties!

    • The kind of party that, even if the cops were to be called, they were already guests at the party, or, at times, even crashing it!

      • LOL Kat, I love that! The kind of party where the cops are invited and part of the fun! Yes! Make peace with all of it, include everyone, allow everything and just line up with what you want, regardless of what others are aligning with! Yay! (Had myself a little moment there. See? I get them too!) ;P

        Huge hugs!

        • Hahaha! Glad you liked it! Those were the parties I used to throw! You would have loved them. People still refer to them, and I have no more regrets about that period, thank goodness.

  • Melody,

    I love the question about aligning! I have often wondered how to figure out my limiting beliefs. It took a while, but I have started to catch some of mine. And luckily, it hasn’t always been as difficult as I can make it out to be.

    First, I figured out that if what I want is not happening, I’m not aligning. Simple, yeah, but it took me a while! So of course then the questions became, ‘How do I align then? What am I missing?’ This question still comes up when I let myself wonder if I’ve really ‘got it,’ or it’s all just been blind luck. (Is this maybe, resistance?) But at least something is happening!!! Anyhow, for me it comes down to focus. If I focus, and I mean really focus on something I want, I WILL align with and manifest something, whether its resistance or what I want! If I align with resistance, I manifest this little voice (ok, sometimes not so little) in my head saying something along the lines of, ‘you can’t have it, can’t get it, or don’t deserve it.’ If I’m aligning without (or with very little) resistance, small things start happening that are positive and make me feel good. Often, I don’t even associate these small good manifestations with that thing I want, until after the fact. Usually a ways after the fact!!! Not like I get it every time, but it is getting easier. 😉

    And self esteem is big! I think many of us don’t know what the defining line between arrogance and self esteem is, or even think of them as the same thing! I still get that knee jerk ‘ARROGANCE!’ when I say something positive about myself, or want more out of life. Probably ties right in with that belief, if I think I’m good or want more, then I am judging others as not as good or taking something away from others. Hmmm, maybe that’s why I never really liked winning against others…I always wanted to win, but the idea of someone else feeling bad, or losing just sucked. (Unless it was my brother of course. Is that bad? 😉 ) Thanks Melody, for that dividing line. You make it so obvious that they are not the same thing!!!! I think I needed that!

    And I’ve never had a firm belief one way or the other about heaven and hell, except that possibly heaven or hell on earth made some sense, because it was easy for me to see the ‘bad’ or ‘good’ happening all around. Now I’m more interested in focusing on here and now, so instead of even thinking about either one, I just choose the best focus I can…when I can keep my awareness where I want it. Works for me more often than not now!


    • Hey Nay,

      Yes, that’s a really great point – when you align with something, you either get little manifestations right away, or the resistance will pop up. Either way, you’re getting a manifestation that you can now use to further align. It’s all good!! Yay!

      Huge hugs!!

  • Hi Melody,

    Love the topics in this post!

    In regards to self-esteem, I have a few friends who you might consider cocky. It’s not that they talk others down, they just think extremely high of themselves where you often can’t help, but roll your eyes when they speak of themselves lol Well, what I’ve found is these friends manifest more great opportunities for themselves than anyone I know. Every time I speak with them, they have great new developments in their life and I just found it so fascinating because I never looked at thinking so highly of yourself in regards to manifestation & I feel like there really is a strong correlation.

    In regards to thinking highly of yourself & being confident, I thought I’d share this with some of the readers here as I thought it was a pretty awesome program. It is Robert Anthony’s Self-Confidence Creator & I just got an email a few hours ago that he is offering a Black Friday deal til the end of Sunday for 52% off ($47): (not an affiliate link). It’s an incredible program for building self-confidence & very congruent with Melody’s perspective 🙂

    Regarding near death experiences & quantum leaps, I feel like that explanation is so crucial! So many people hinge on others such experiences to determine what will happen after death because they don’t know what to believe. Have you ever heard of the book Heaven is for Real which is told from the perspective of a little boy who almost died. It become a huge hit, especially for Christians because he talked about Jesus. I always wondered how to interpret it & your explanation helped a lot.

    Thanks Mel!

    • Hey Mike,

      Thanks for sharing. One of my biggest blocks, which I uncovered a while back, was being able to actually say that I’m really good at what I do. When I realized that, I began to say it and I instantly got more clients. I knew that I was really helping people, but I wasn’t willing to declare it. When I did, something shifted.

      Pay attention to your cocky friends. They’re on to something! I’ll bet that they have an easy time appreciating others, too! 🙂

      Huge hugs!

    • Hi Mike,

      I think this article is perfect in regards to what arrogance really is:

      Your friends just sound a little cocky & playful. Sure it could be annoying, but if done in good fun and they are aware of it, it’s not true arrogance.
      In fact I have a couple of male friends like that, and sometimes I roll my eyes at the strutting, but its also hilarious and good fun. 🙂 Your friends sound fun.

      You made a great distinction about them speaking highly about themselves, but not talking down to others.
      That’s one of the key traits I noticed, is the dismissiing or putting down of others that makes the difference.

      Arrogance can be cocky behaviour combined with either a snobby attitude or pompous/showy/over-the-top language.
      If they aren’t intellectual enough to achieve the pompous language, they will use put-downs or sarcasm. Also the body language will either be stuck-up or domineering.
      They are also good at being dismissive. (and rude) Other articles were right on the money about arrogant people scanning for better people to speak to, never really interested in you or people “below” them. They might even ignore people.

      But as Melody said it hides insecurity, so they may care very much about self-image, which includes speech and body language, as well as looks.

      What you said about them manifesting really well was useful to me, thankyou. 🙂

  • i have a question. this is to do with visualizing and ‘acting as if’ and getting into the feeling of it all.
    i think the major hurdle in ‘acting as if’ is the basic fear at the back of my mind that WHAT IF i wake up from my acting dream and then cant handle the dissapointment when i notice that my reality hasnt morphed one bit?
    this has happened to me. when i repeatedly imagine good stuff, then i fall even harder and resent what reality i can see in front of me right then, when after SO much positive thinking, thing still seem to be stuck where they are :/
    how do i get rid of this fear, this ‘resistance’ ??

    • Hey Mopey,

      Here’s what you do: Change your measure of success from getting the full blown manifestation (which is the absolute last step and the last thing to come), to achieving a really positive emotional state (which is the first thing to come). It’s easier and faster to manifest the emotion, and then you know that you’re on the right track. Every time you look for the last step and notice it’s not there yet, you feel horrible, and are therefore moving away from what you want.

      It’s a bit like going to the gym the first time and trying to lift 500 lbs. And then getting mad because you can’t. The trainer will tell you that you have to work up to that. And so, you start lifting. But, after two days, you try to lift 500 lbs again, and you still can’t and you declare that you can’t do this! You’ve got to be a bit more patient. In energy terms, it’s like every time you try to lift the 500 lbs and you can’t, you undo a fair amount (not all) of the work you’ve done. You go backwards a bit. Quit doing that and trust, just for a little bit, that if you’re feeling good. you’re on you’re way there.

      Huge hugs!

      • i have a question. a silly question, maybe.
        ( and yes, i cannot stop harping on about the ex)

        thing is, we had a strange split when he abruptly cut off from me. the thought of how it happened and the overthinking that i do behind it makes me sad. so i try not to. i stay focussed on the good stuff in our short relationship, and i try to understand why he might have reacted so strangely and all that jazz.

        youve spoken of energy work here..well..i try to do just that in my mind.
        but then after a while i realize that he hasnt contacted me and things between us are just the same and i feel so useless, and that makes me go right back into feeling intense resentment. it usually ends with me sending him some caustic message on Facebook.

        suppose i DO focus on feeling positive, and hold an intention that ‘things will sort themselves out’, you really think our equation might change ? i understand that we cant be together..and im not desperate for that anymore..but i do want to start talking and atleast be kills me when an ex cuts me out from his life ! i hate the ugliness and the coldness !

        • Hello,

          Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I have many things going on, also I saw Melody did a good job already. 🙂 Thanks as always in the above comments, your questions on this blog really help me out, thanks.

          On this I noticed something Melody didn’t cover about men, so I will try me best:

          1) Some men/people will consider talk in email, text, facebook “contact” That means that even though you feel that you haven’t seen them for weeks, they won’t be feeling that way, so the electronic messages don’t give them a chance to miss you.
          I had to learn this the hard way, because, I haven’t had “contact” with my buddies, unless I spend quality time with them IN PERSON, IN THE FLESH. But they think a text message is contact. (I know, its so annoying)
          So if you want them to visit, you have to stop coming to them and giving them “contact”

          2.) If they still care for you, they will miss you, and feel concerned. Maybe customize your status updates on facebook, to “close friends” and don’t include him.
          That way he won’t see all your online activity, you will be mysterious.

          3.) Be careful of mutual friends. Don’t give him “freebies”! If he isn’t making an effort to come to you, don’t make it too easy for him to find out about you.

          This means if its too easy for him to ask other people are you ok?, are you still single?, are you happy?—-this is a problem..

          All he has to do is ask a friend, look at your facebook, or something and he already knows the answers.

          What incentive does he have to seek you, out if he can find all the info online or through third parties?

          That will feed his avoidance. He doesn’t have to man up and deal with you directly, as long as he always knows you are ok, single and he can get you when he feels like it.

          4) He doesn’t bother to have proper conversations with you, but will have sex with you= never let that happen.
          If he wants to booty call, he has to put in the proper work and friendship. So this means don’t ever let him use you.

          At least don’t make it easy. Get something you want, his conversation, a massage, a dinner…don’t just open the door and hop into bed.

          (even if you really want sex, don’t get it from him, he won’t learn any respect, just that he can ring you for anything)

          5) Make your time important. Don’t be stood up, don’t seek him out, don’t chase him, and don’t wait for him.
          If he wants to meet, don’t make it obvious you are waiting around, hoping to hear from him!!!!
          Say you have to work, or do something after and keep the meeting short, don’t act like you have all day.
          If he turns up late, unless he calls, don’t wait around like a fool. Leave after 30 mins.

          6) I think you get the point. He chases you. You stop chasing him. Let him have that space and chance to miss you.

          If your intuition was right, he will miss you, worry, and think about what he lost.

          You will have improved your confidence and he will come to you, not the opposite way around!

          IF you were wrong, the result will also benefit you, as you will know for good he can’t be bothered to make any effort for you, that is just insulting.
          You never want to have to “beg” for a mans attention, which includes please for attention like getting angry, or showing you care so much about being ignored.

          Then you will know the sad truth, but finally be able to move on.

          But I think if it was strange, you might be right, and he’ll come back in his own time, IF you back off, make him miss you and improve your vibration.

          I hoped that helped, I know its very tough and painful. It takes a lot of strength to do this.

          • Lol..well actually, I think a text message is ‘contacting’ as well 😛
            And having a chat online is as good as a ‘conversation’ for me as well
            Also, my ex told me he dosent miss me ( he told me so when I called him, the last time I spoke to him a few months back) but I kept thinking he does. I don’t know..i was SO convinced that he did, cuz his behaviour was plain bizarre then.I don’t understand why he wont stay in touch at ALL, considering we had such fun times in the past. Also we had a big spat many months back, where he took me off his FB friend list, so am still off it. Plus I don’t even facebook that much, so the status updates wouldn’t matter anyway.
            This isn’t about piquing his interest. Its just..i get an unpleasant feeling each time I think of how he just dosent want anything to do with me. And I want it to be pleasant. I don’t want us to get back together ( well, I majorly don’t, cuz were both very volatile) but id like to be civil, that’s all.
            He dosent even reply to my FB pvt messages, although I know they’ve been read (pesky FB notifications !) but I also happen to know that hes gone underground. Our mutual friends cant trace him either. He dosent reply to their messages as well.
            well, I guess I AM begging for his attention ( keeping in mind the stuff printed above), but I still DO think he cares. Its silly, irrational even. I guess the best solution would be to do my own thing. Manage my energy. That’s all that there is to it.
            He lives in a different state. And despite his bizarre behaviour, I don’t think hes an asshole. Hes just going through a weird phase. But then again, am not the best judge of that. My previous relationship was abusive, emotionally. I kept forgiving the previous guy for his shitty behaviour endlessly.
            Anyway, guess il stop treating this blog like an agony aunt column !
            Signing out ?

          • Alright. Well I put a lot of thought into that and time. I tried.

            I’m a bit pissed none of it was helpful, as I really wanted to help. I think you already know what you’re doing, and just have to leave him alone.

            Of course he says he doesn’t miss you, because you rang him. You’ll never know until he makes a move. But if months go by, he most likely isn’t interested.

          • I’m sorry, but if that were me, I’d have run out of ideas, feel sad and just have to leave it be.

          • Ok no wait..I AM glad you took the time out to think of this and reply. Maybe the ocontent dint help me much ( cuz well, there’s a whole background to any story that’s difficult to express in a paragraph), I do appreciate the gesture a LOT. And am not saying this just to be polite. I’m sorry if my previous reply was a bit brusque , really.

          • Oh no, that’s ok. I understand, I just get angry at myself alot! 🙂

            The other day a guy wolfwhistled at me…my reaction “I bet he’s being sarcastic”
            lol, or I look around trying to find the hot chic.

            I’m just weird.

          • We should consider getting an AVO out on depression…it’s the one being a stalker now… maybe people will stop walking away and leaving us with a cold feeling, when we finally break up with depression for good.
            I’m trying to tell him again today, please leave me alone.

            I’ve also declared war on depression, told depression nicely, tried to have fun with him..but he’s too much of a psycho and keeps making me cry.

        • Hey Mopey,

          You can have what you want, but you can’t control other people. So, you have to let go of the idea that you will get what you want from this particular person. The only reason you keep feeling the coldness is because you’re still asking him to give you something (you need him to act warmer towards you so that you can feel better). This will never work.

          Why? Why do you need him to act differently? What does that signify? What does it say about you to you if they aren’t friendly? This line of thinking will put you on the right track to figuring out what this is really about. Don’t focus on them, focus on yourself and why you really feel the way you do. Asking yourself why you need what you need from the other person and answering honestly (then, keep asking why and answering honestly, rinse and repeat), will bring you to the core of the problem.

          I hope that’s helpful.

          Huge hugs,

          • You got something good here.

            So why can I say so many personal things about my life here, yet answering the real questions like this publically, would be too much?

            You already know this, but just confirming that your answers to others are helpful, valuable, beyond that single person. You don’t waste your time, and people care.
            They care about the answers for themselves, the answers for others and the value you bring. They care about you.
            Even if you’re answers weren’t helpful, they still care about you. For being nice, for trying always, for being a friend to humanity.

            It’s worth it. Someone is out there with a piece of paper and a pen, doing the work.
            And if you can’t always answer, its not a problem, its not something to feel bad about. You already did so much.

            I’ll stop before how I feel turns this thankyou into a eulogy.

      • also, the thing is..having enough muscle strength is the only prerequisite to lifting weights. is is like that ( metaphorically) with energy work too? i assumed energy work gave more haphazard responses?
        do clarify 🙂
        thanks for your time !

        • The metaphor was more about the building up of the muscle incrementally. In energy terms, you have the potential to lift as much as you want. We all do. Because the muscle you’re really exercising here is your focusing muscle, not a physical one. It just takes practice and a bit of patience.

  • Melody, Do you find it frustrating to be intuitive, know when someone is blantantly being secretive, lying or just dodgy, but you can’t prove it, because people don’t believe in intuition or guides/dreams?
    How do you prove those “feelings’ without looking woo-woo (as you say) person that listens to invisible forces/feelings (intuition) you don’t have hard evidence YOU JUST KNOW. And it’s always right! 🙂

    • talking about ‘just knowing’ ….this happens sometimes to me too..but i can never quite tell if its my intuition talking, or some wonkiness in my head being exacerbated by my antideps and mood stabilizers or somethin :/
      how can i tell the difference? melody? alice?
      like, a while back, i was SO convinced that my latest ex boyfreind cut off from me all of a sudden due to some huge unresolved misunderstanding, and that he still likes me, but is denying it.
      a few months later, i still feel that way sometimes, but then i tell myself that even stalkers feel that way ( about the object of their obsession) and that maybe im being obsessive like a stalker and overthinking and spinning stories in my head. going by his actions, he dosent want anything to do with me.
      my point is..i never KNOW if its my so called ‘intuition’ talking, or some random wiring in my head thats off and going round and round in a loop, if you get what i mean..

    • Well, I used to find it very frustrating, yes. But, over time, a few things happened:

      1.) I’ve come to trust my intuition as 100% accurate. That took time though. As Mopey mentions below, it can be hard to tell. The accuracy comes with practice, paying attention to when it’s accurate and when it’s not, and figuring out what the difference was in how each felt.
      2.) I’ve realized that even when I know something, I can’t control others. I can’t make them understand and I’ve stopped needing them to. Let’s say I know that someone loves me but is afraid to connect with me (that’s happened, actually). I have to let him go. I can’t force him to overcome his fears. Or if I know someone is deceiving me (or themselves). I focus on what it is I want, not on exposing the lie or confronting them, which will often get me the opposite of what I want. I have to say that I don’t remember the last time someone tried to lie to me, but people lie to themselves all the time. They always have a reason, even when they don’t know that they’re doing it. People have a reason for lying to others, too. It’s a way to avoid something uncomfortable, in a nutshell.

      Bottom line, you may know what you know, but you don’t share that fact with those who won’t understand. If you can, use the information to help you get what you want (by focusing, not by taking action).

      I know that’s not very satisfying, but that’s my answer.

      Huge hugs,


      • That’s actually a great answer. Thanks.
        Question though. If it’s something that involves someone else and “confrontation” or just plain talking to someone face to face to settle some disagreement or misunderstanding isn’t an option or a healthy choice, like in the case of mopeychild and her ex, what is it that someone really wants?

        On the surface it looks like the desire is approval. However that would have to come from the outside of self in the form of another person. So that can’t be it.

        Is it really just basic feeling good and being happy and letting it all go…the person, the behavior, etc, for peace of mind and finding the ‘approval’ within really what we want or is there something else?

        • Hey Laura,

          The core desire can be approval, but the false belief will be that you can get it from others. In that case, you’d keep asking others to approve of it, and they either won’t, or they do but the feeling doesn’t last long.

          Often, our belief is about HOW we will get what desire (or not), not about the desire itself. The desire will always be fine at its core. The false belief is often that we don’t think we can get it, or that it has to come from others.

          Of course we want approval. We want to feel approved of when we don’t. That’s because we are approved of, always. And when we can connect with the innate sense of approval that’s within us, then we can let others off the hook.

          Generally, when we’re not getting something from someone else, the answer is not to try harder to get it from them, but to realize that we are asking the impossible. We need to look elsewhere for what we want – inside ourselves. 🙂

          Huge hugs!

          • There’s a reason you want that companionship Alice. Of course it’s fun to play with other people, but if you can’t be happy without them, you are asking them to give you something that they can’t. You’re asking them to fix something, to make it easy for you to feel better.

            Why do you want/need others around? What is it that they give you? Acceptance, approval, feeling like you’re worth something if they pay attention to you? It goes much deeper than just companionship…



  • Awesome Saurabh asks: “Many LOA teachers say that if you want something………….
    that awesome saurabh is me. 🙂 🙂 🙂
    it feels great when my name appears in your posts mell..(its the second time)
    thankyou mell 🙂

  • {“Isn’t it wrong of think of myself as wonderful? Isn’t it wrong to be proud? I’ve always been told I’m arrogant and that I think too much of myself.”}

    I suppose that the problem is not what we think of oursleves. The problem is that we don’t know what we should think of ourselves. What makes someone a wonderful person?

    When we doubt, what are we actually saying? I think that there is a possibility I am NOT a wonderful person, I’m not certain and I need to find out if I am indeed. Who has the right to judge if we are wonderful or not – and according to what standars?

    But, wait a minute, why should anyone come to judge me at first place?
    If I have manifested doubt and fear, what purpose am I trying to fulfill?
    Why on earth did I assume that this was my purpose? Did I make this assumption judging from my surroundings? Did I manifest those surroundings or those surroundings existed before I happened?

    The real question is, if I am wonderful indeed (and I want to believe I am), when I meet someone next time, why do I suspect that he might not find me wonderful? [Should I have to care if he doesn’t find me wonderful? Have I done something wrong, is he an idiot or am I afraid that he will find something wrong and I will have to agree with him because he seems so sure (or because there’s a possibility he might get so angry and he’ll never agree with me, so what’s the point in playing a losing game)? ] Hint: in the brackets rests our focus on negative thinking.

    How can a soldier know that this man who moves closer and wears a uniform with four stars on his jacket is his real general and not someone else who wears a fake uniform?

    How can some black lines on a box (which people told me they are called letters on a screen) can make me think and feel something different than what I was feeling before I pressed some plastic cubes on a parallel thing with buttons on his upper side?

    • Hey Tony,

      I always enjoy your perspective! 🙂 Thanks for sharing it here. I have to say, I love the last paragraph. It’s a bit like looking at our world through alien eyes, which is a great way to question all assumptions and beliefs.

      Huge hugs!

  • “You get what you wanted, without all of your resistance.” Way to make me cry all over my keyboard. That sentence was like a bullet.

  • Great post Melody as always…:D By the way about shamanism, how do you get to practice it? Do you have any training course about it? Can you point me to any website? I’m really interested about how it can drop our limiting beliefs so that we can manifest faster.


  • Melody,

    Once again, thank you! I’ve been working on some resistance that I didn’t even know I had and your in-depth explanation continues to help me!! Today I think I released cuz I just burst into tears while driving…could not understand why it was happening but then I remember you saying sometimes that’s due to releasing resistance and all I could do is smile through the tears! Slowly starting to get better at this! 🙂


    • Hey Marjorie,

      Crying is almost always a sign that something has or is shifting. Sometimes you might bawl your head off and sometimes you just silently and gently cry. Sometimes you feel the huge emotional shift and sometimes it seems more physical (the body is releasing it and the mind isn’t even involved.) In any case, just let it happen. You’ll feel a lot better for it.

      Huge happy shiny teary snotty puppy hugs! 😀


      • If its about shifting, why does it happen when you feel sad? Why would it happen in a sad movie irrelevant to your life?
        Why does it happen when you have a headache, or jab your toe into the bed on the epic journey to the bathroom?
        Why does it happen when you are not shifting, and you are thinking about something sad, or because you have PMS?
        Why does it happen if you have sand in your eye? huh? 😉 Do they have tongue poking our smileys?

        • When you feel sad and you start crying, the thought that sparked the sadness was worse. The sadness is a move up from the original thought. There’s a shift.

          The headache is triggering something and/or being caused by something (there’s an emotion there, even if you’re not aware of it.) Sure, physical pain will cause tears, but tears are often the result of our feeling of powerlessness against the pain (there’s a reason you stubbed your toe). The shift out of that results in the tears.

          Why are you thinking about something sad? Your thoughts are generally manifestations, too. And so is PMS. It’s all about vibration.

          Ok, sand in your eye will cause a physical response, but that often doesn’t feel the same, does it? also, there’s a reason you got sand in your eye. So there. 😛

          Yes, yes they do. :mrgreen:

          Huge hugs,

  • OMG! Yesterday i was walking passed a house and this guy was just about to walk into the house and just walked up to me and asked if i would like to go to a philosophical meeting the next day at that house. For the next 15 minutes we chatted about……wait for it………..what happens when we die and and for some inexplicable reason i mentioned what i thought hell was and what i thought happens to our beliefs filters at death. in about 1 hours time i go to the meeting having found just what i needed to read in your piece here. erm…thanks……….AGAIN! kind regards, shaun

  • I would love to hear more about your experiences with Shamanism. This is a path I have been going down with fits and starts, and I feel another pull down that path coming on, 🙂

      • I heard about people doing this for rape, and theyb had to relive the ordeals and other things because it got cleared…some poeple go out of their minds for days on end…painful….

        But then again so is ten years of depression, anxiety, panic attacks…

        • Hey Christina,

          I occasionally have deja vu. Not all the time, but it happens. Maybe once a year or so… I want to clarify though: I saw my entire life up to that point. I didn’t see the future. That would’ve taken away my free will. I saw the perfection of each second of the life i’d lived thus far, how not a microsecond of it had been wasted, how every moment, every incident and event, every conversation had been there to serve me and others (always simultaneously). Nothing is wasted in the Universe, there’s a reason for everything and it’s a good one. Even the most “insignificant” events in my life had tremendous meaning. I was filled with awe and wonder and understanding and this incredible sense of purpose. Think about it: the Universe will bend over backwards to make even the tiniest moment in your life happen with utter perfection, whether you notice the significance of it or not. But if you do, oh man, then life gets good. I’m still working on recovering that level of knowing (it was a quantum leap, but now I know what to shoot for), and I’ve gotten much better at seeing everything as significant, without making the mistake of taking it too seriously. It’s like my whole world has become magic and really, really positive. Everything in my experience is happening FOR me, even if I don’t see how in that moment. I’m learning to trust that, too. 🙂

          Ok, I gave you more than you asked for, but sometimes, stuff just comes out. 😉

          Huge hugs!

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