Awesome Alex asks: “What does it mean energetically when someone rejects you?”

Hey there Alex, essentially, it means that you were not a vibrational match. Or, more accurately, the other person was not a vibrational match to what you want. They WERE a vibrational match to some resistance you had (if there is no match at all, they cannot be in your reality). If you were rejected, perhaps you had a fear and/or negative expectation of rejection and this manifested.

Another way to look at this is to say that you took action before you aligned yourself vibrationally with what you wanted. So, it didn’t work out. If you wait until you’re inspired to action, you don’t even notice the girl who will reject you. You’ll only notice the one who’s a match to what you want. This is also a really great way to avoid psychos. Just saying…

I met a married man after my husband cheated. Why?!

Amazing Ana wants to know: “I have been married for 18 years and 5 years ago my husband cheated on me. The affair is finished but led to a baby. I must say that it’s been pretty hard for me, since I don’t have the courage to leave with my 3 children. It was really bad until my friend sent me to your blog.  My question is: 5 months ago a new man has entered my life. It’s not an affair but emotions are there. He is married too. The problem is that I know how bad this can hurt because I was in the same situation. Since he’s been in my life, it’s like someone has taken this huge stone off my chest and I can breathe. Is it possible that I have attracted the same cheating husband as mine? I don’t want to think like this because he is good and kind.  I have decided to leave my husband. When I’m with my husband, it’s a bad feeling. He says he loves me, but still, it feels bad.  Please help me find the answer.”  

My dear Ana, let me offer you a perspective you may not have thought of. Your marriage was over quite some time ago. You and your husband were no longer a match. It hasn’t felt good to you for some time, but as you said, you weren’t willing to leave with your three kids. You and your husband ignored the discord – the difference in your vibrations – so it manifested in bigger and bigger ways as it grew. Your husband had an affair, which even resulted in a baby. It doesn’t get much worse feeling than that, does it? And still, you stayed, but something changed. You reached a breaking point. You just didn’t want to feel this badly anymore and you let a glimmer of hope in. A friend sent you a life line – a link to a blog that you resonated with. This was a manifestation. You were seeking answers that would allow you to feel better, and you got them.

Then, you had another manifestation, due to the work you were doing. You were moving into a better feeling vibration and it lined you up with more solutions. A man came into your reality, a man who wasn’t available and didn’t need to be (because let’s be honest, at this point you’re not really ready for a relationship). A man who made you feel good again, made you light up, made you able to breathe. And in the light of that feeling, you finally decided that enough was enough. You’ve gathered your courage and decided to leave a situation that hasn’t felt truly good in a long, long time. That man didn’t come into your life so that you could have an affair, or because you’re somehow a magnet for unfaithful men! He came into your life to make you feel good, which was the perfect catalyst for you to make the decision to free yourself and your children from a bad feeling situation (and don’t think your kids don’t feel the discord, too. They always do.)

I know this is hard, but keep on moving into a better feeling direction. Listen to how you feel and if something feels bad, move away from it. As you do, more and more wonderful opportunities will show up and you’ll not only be able to breathe again, you’ll laugh and giggle with the best of the happy shiny puppies. You’re on your way and you’re doing a lot better than you think you are, my dear. Well done!

How did I manifest a mean breakup?

Lovely Laura wonders: “OK, so someone gravitates out of my life because our vibrations were no longer a match. During the relationship, he didn’t treat me well. When it’s over, it ended badly with lots of hate and anger and even a threat.

This is really a two part question.

1. If his vibration didn’t evolve, in the same way mine did or at the same rate, is it likely that he is off treating others in similar ways he treated me or was it my vibration that caused the bad treatment in the first place?

2. And as far as receiving even more mean and cruel treatment, while being “tossed to the curb”, which seemed to serve as reinforcing a non-negotiable ending of this relationship, how exactly if my vibe had evolved, that I was getting even MEANER treatment from the same person?”

Dearest, wonderful Laura. I’m sorry, but I have to call Bullshit. This man did not “gravitate out of your life”. He pried himself loose with a crowbar. When relationships end really badly like that, it’s almost always because someone (you) held on to the other person WAY past the relationship’s expiration date. And it’s generally the higher vibrational person who’s doing the holding on. Let me explain:

As you raised your vibration and your boyfriend didn’t, being with you would’ve become very uncomfortable for him. He would’ve either had to raise his vibration, too, or get away from you. Clearly, coming up to where you were and continuing to keep up with you was not an option for him, so he started to distance himself. And that would’ve been fine, only you, for some reason, didn’t let him go. I’m willing to bet money that as he started to shift out, you reacted by clinging on tighter instead of just letting him go. This is incredibly common (you are SO not alone in this). Of course, if someone is trying to leave and you won’t let them, they get quite agitated, then panicky and eventually, they just turn into the equivalent of a feral animal. You’re holding on to someone who is no longer a vibrational match to you, who does not have the ability to rise to your level and who is actively trying to get away from you. Your holding on to them is increasing their discomfort. So, they try harder and harder to make you let them go. They get nasty, horrible, unfair, all in an attempt to make you give up.

In a sense, you did elicit his horrible behavior from him. His lower vibration caused him to be able to be that nasty, but the situation also had something to do with it. Poking a bear is not the same as poking a kitten. But you still did the poking, my love.

Why would the bad treatment continue after the breakup was official? Because you can hold on to someone vibrationally. Only when you truly let him go can he totally gravitate out of your experience. Let him go. He’s not a match to the relationship you’re ready for. But if you don’t release him completely, you’re holding yourself back from being a match to that magnificent love you’ve always wanted. You deserve so much better. Free yourself from this self inflicted bondage and go get ’em girl! Bowchicabowow. πŸ˜‰

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  • What if you really want a lifelong love affair AND you want to evolve with your partner? Why do people have to keep moving in and out. That seems sucky.

  • OMG SNARKY!! Holy shitbiscuits, Lovely One…

    You already know my whole soap opera, and a few months ago you told me about how I was the one who was doing the hanging on in this debacle once known as my married life. And yes – there IS someone new, and yes, the moment I FINALLY thought that I NEED to and DESERVE (remember how we online met and that was what I told you? Yeah…it is very very much the truth…but keep reading, because you know how much I can ramble on and on and this time the ramble muffin is not so flaky like so many pie crusts…anyhow) to divorce this person I was concrete in the thought, in the idea, that perhaps it was my own cords of anger, of hurt, of all those lovely things that can be thought of as “The Little Things that Kill”.

    SO I am reading this about the lady and her 18 yr marriage and the new baby that is not hers and thought that I might as well be reading my own story, at least in terms of the total thickness of the difference in vibratory reality – mine is light and airy and lovely, and his is dark and menacing and not lovely, and the two do not mix.

    SO, Your Royal Snarkiness, I will be working with my Guides and Spirit on the official Letting Go of the dude to whom I have referred as being the Toad that Chased the Princess who did not realize that she was not a Princess but a Rock n Roll Priestess!!!

    Wow…go figure !! LOL…Love You Much, Doll!!
    ROX (Feral Rabid Kitten)

    • YAY Roxy!!! I’m so glad you’re finally seeing the difference and learning to let go. this is the way to happiness and true power. πŸ™‚

      Rock n Roll Priestess. I love that.
      You know, “Feral Rabid Kitten” would be a good name for a band. Just saying. πŸ˜‰

      Huge hugs!

  • Hey Melody,

    Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day? Life while working on our grid, or outside the vortex=day repeated and stuck in a loop like the guy in the movie.

    When we work on ourselves and align with our grid thus getting swooped into the vortex=the time loop is broken and the next day comes, we move on!

    • One more thing about Groundhog Day. It is an example of how you need to make the best and most of where you are before making what you want to manifest as the next logical step. To be with the woman of his dreams, the guy had to improve himself and his view of life. While having the day repeat, he helped people, learned to play the piano, learned a new language and won over the woman he caed for, but in a way she can be won over, i.e., he did not anger her or scare her away.

      So, if we don’t love our job but tolerate it enough, we can embrace it and appreciate it more and the next opportunity will pop up. Romance? You need to be a match to the person you want, so it is best to be happy and focus on your life without the sadness, whining and complaining and it will happen.

  • I just thought that it is better to be depressed than suppressed. With depression, yes, you are down, but at least you are letting your feelings out, letting go and thinking about things. Slowly, you climb up the emotional scale to brightness again, and all is well.

    Supression instead is the burying of emotions. Emotions need to be expressed one way or another and supressing them transfers that energy to places where it should not be in our body, with nowhere to go and ailments may result, and usually do. So, depression really is just a part of the scale that eventually leads to movement, whearas suppression can be harmful and must be dealt with, no?

    • Hey Kat,

      I’d say suppression, the way you use it here is the same as denial. And yes, it has to be dealt with. And it always will be. Because suppression causes pain, and that pain grows and grows until we do something about it. In fact, I’d say suppression is an excellent way to describe resistance. πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs,

  • Melody, your answer to Laura gave me so much to think about as well and how my own situation played out.

    My husband had an affair for some time and suddenly – to me, at least – left me and filed for divorce within two weeks. For him, it had been coming for some time. For me, it felt as if I’d been dropped off a cliff.

    But as time passed I realized God HAD been poking me for MONTHS, reminding me of little things he’d said that didn’t make sense, the high cost of his gas for his commute to work, his anger and defensiveness when I asked for more explanation. It wasn’t until a month or so had passed that I realized I’d been ignoring the nudges and pokes and had finally been hit with that 2×4!

    Both of us had low vibrations and we’d had them for a long time. We weren’t satisfied with our marriage, jobs, etc. We’d moved a year earlier and had begun making changes to our lives, including letting go of several pets, something I now realize was becoming animal hoarding. It was making THOSE changes that started to change our vibration, making us want something more.

    So he found someone that met his vibration, that helped him feel good, at least for a while. The discord I felt between us and his “explanations” was the division growing between our vibrations, maybe?

    After he left, I hit the bottom of the vibrational scale, but I knew I didn’t want to stay there. No where to go but up, right? And it was as if I could see everything I had done, everything he had done, to bring us to this point where we HAD to be apart. It was the only way. And as I was on the bottom of the scale, thinking about how I was a horrible person, I HEARD a voice tell me no, you’re not. And now that you’ve seen all of this, now we can start over.

    That was the beginning of my vibrational shift, and it started with watching The Secret and reading Think and Grow Rich and moving on to blogs like yours and a few other LOA blogs. My vibration changed, his vibration changed, and it let us to reconciling and remarrying. And now life is NOTHING like it was before.

    But the clincher for me was being told “It’s all going to be okay.” If he came back, if he didn’t come back, I was going to be okay. Accepting that has changed my entire outlook.

    • Oh wow Christina! What a wonderful story! Thanks so much for sharing it here with us. It so perfectly illustrates the points I made in this post.


      Huge hugs to you and your hubby!!


    • Christina,

      Your story reminds me of the quote by Tennyson:

      All precious things discovered late
      To those that seek them issue forth,
      For Love in sequel works with Fate,
      And draws the veil from hidden worth.

      The universe works in certain ways. sometimes we must leave something in order to really “discover” it. This goes for any type of relationship as well as job and even career. Just saying, it resonated so well with me and several things in my life.

  • Beautiful Kim!

    It’s so hard to let others struggle through their issues, especially our children!!! You just want to fix it, cause if you don’t you feel like, ‘What kind of person/parent does that make me?!!’ That you are doing it with your son is awesome, especially when his situation is something I imagine so many parents fear; their child out on the streets. Despite what I know now, I would be terrified. So I can sooo feel your pain!

    And you have given me more to think about too! How much of my effort to get those around me to change in some way, is all to make me comfortable? How much of my advice to others is so I feel better? Like I said in my above post, it almost always comes down to, β€˜There is something wrong, with them or what they are doing or not doing, and I feel like I have to fix it.’

    Now to work on turning off the mouth when I want to correct, advise or change those around me… ummmm… maybe redirecting what comes out would be better, cause not talking…not likely to happen! πŸ˜†

    • Nay, thanks so much. πŸ™‚ I’m not always perfect at letting him go — I am his Mom, after all! haha! — but even before LOA, I instinctively knew that trying to help him fix his life was really giving him the message that I did not think he could fix his own life and he just was NOT into hearing that message any more from me! So, I had to back way off and just leave the door open bc i did not want him to disappear in an effort to save himself from my good intentions. πŸ™‚

      You and Kat in your conversation above have helped it make more sense to me. I love being able to eavesdrop on you guys — I learn so much! πŸ™‚

      • Wow, Kim, what a story! I was just getting back to Nay on this, as I am increasing my understanding of this topic that has affected me concerning family members, friends and exes.

        This was a tearjerker. My heart goes out to people in need or in pain. I want everybody to be comfortable and happy, but, as you say, they must deal with their resistance and release it. I am beginning to think life actually brings us these situations indicating where we need to be to do just that, and then continue with the process! I know LOA says this, and it is true. The businessman who becomes penniless only to move through failure to eventually make it, for example. Or the poor student who ends up getting a PhD and becoming a board member of a university, the single mom who ends up having her own talk show, the priest who sold drugs prior to entering seminary. So many such stories and I really appreciate them because these individuals have a lot to offer, more so than those who had it all already.

        You are a great mom to be there for him whenever. I can see why misery is so frustrating for others, but it is not our business, we just need to be there when we can tolerate it (sometimes I can’t).

        • Kat, thanks for telling me I’m a great mom. πŸ™‚ I don’t know why that is striking me so hard, but it is… in a good way. **hug hug hug**

          and another *hug*

  • “And he deserves to butt his head against the brick wall of his resistance, and figure out how to release it!”

    Just to clarify — I meant this in a positive, joyful way. πŸ™‚ as in .. “he deserves the joy that will come from releasing his resistance!” and “he deserves these opportunities to learn and release!” .. you know, bc he’s so damned AWESOME!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  • Nay,

    You sure shed light on a past situation. This person had everything going for him. He had great parents I loved, a great childhood, never struggled with anything, yet believed he was inferior. though he was very appreciative of his easy life and admitted that he lucked out, his insecurity was pervasive and became quite intolerable. “In essence they are the crutch, even though they are tired of being the crutch because nothing ever changes”. Well, I was this crutch and he thought that nothing will change, so why bother in life?

    “And because they feel that responsibility, they are always called upon to be responsible. So they are manifesting the problem themselves”. Yes, I felt responsible for helping him with his issues. I missed appointments, stayed up half the night talking and analyzing stuff for him, but nothing ever worked.

    When Abe said that those born into a feathered nest had the most difficulty, I understood this better through this example. How can you have everything, and still have these issues? It is mind boggling to me. If only I had half of those things, I would tell myself.

    “They would HAVE to see that person as perfect”. I did see perfection in him. He was perfect, so I did not understand this behavior. I did see his soul, so there was a soul connection. Now, did I see my soul or his soul? To me it was indeed soul recognition I had not experienced before, which set off more of my spiritual journey, so it did allow me to move on in this aspect of my life, but I was too tired of being a crutch, because I felt that should not have been my role.

    To an insecure person, being with someone validates one’s existence. how can this be? Even if you think it does, why would you be mean to them if they are helping you? Because they reflect this aspect of yourself? Oh my. that is a problem because in this case, all partners leave you because you cling to them and treat them poorly at the same time.

    It is not our responsibility to validate anyone’s existence. I think before you have a relationship, you must be okay with yourself first. I know this is a tall order, and learning from relationships is key, that is what they are for. They are also exchanges of energy. Since we evolve, so do our relationships, including friendships. People come and go in our life. I noticed that people enter, serve a function, and then phase out. Of course, there are long-term relationships, but they are with people of the same wavelength. I do not think this is bad. It takes time to get there and many experiences. If you do not expose yourself to anything, you stay stagnant.

    • Kat,

      Love this…’It is not our responsibility to validate anyone’s existence.’ Which made me immediately jump to ‘It isn’t anyone’s responsibility to validate MY existence.’ Which then tied straight into ‘It isn’t anyone’s responsibility to validate my BELIEFS.’ Bear with me here, ’cause I’m working through something, I think… 😯

      Nobody can make me feel or do anything without my consent, because it’s not their responsibility. So when I FEEL responsible in a negative way, I am trying to validate myself and/or a belief, to myself. (I can’t quite find the correlation here, but I feel it…computing…)

      Let me try again. When I feel the need to take care of something or someone, yet am feeling that I have to do it, or that I shouldn’t have to do it, or that I am tired of doing it, I’m trying to ensure I’m doing the supposed ‘right’ thing, to help them see the ‘right’ thing, according to Nay’s beliefs.

      So my belief(s) is(are), if I don’t do it…who will?/it won’t get done/something will go wrong/they will fall apart/I am a bad person/they will keep hurting/I will have to deal with the fallout anyway/it will become someone else’s burden/I’ll be left with the mess anyway/I can’t just leave it/it’s my job/nobody should have to deal by themselves/it’s just not right… !!!! That’s the one!

      All of these beliefs tie in to one thing…My belief that something is not right and needs to be fixed/helped. And every time I try to fix something or someone, and I feel any discomfort in doing that, I am just drawing more of that to me. My reality is just validating my belief ‘Something is not right’, and other’s in that reality are helping to validate it.

      By trying to help others see things differently or change how they believe, I am trying to prove that what I believe is correct. But they can’t change because they can only reflect back to me what I am seeing. They can only change when I change the belief that something is wrong.

      When I stop looking to those around me, hoping they will change to ease my burden of coping with them, and focus on what I would rather believe, then I am no longer looking outside of myself for validation to support what I would rather believe!

      So why did I work through this? Because I’m tired of cleaning up after other people yet always feel that I should because if I don’t then the mess will always be there. I’m trying to ‘fix’ them instead of fixing my belief.

      I think this correlates in many ways to what you have here Kat! People are responsible for themselves and what they do, and only cause us issue when we want them to act according to what we want to believe, yet expect they will do otherwise. Whew, I hope that mader some kinda sense, cause it did to me. πŸ™‚ Now to work on this…

      • Nay, that was really something. I will need to read it again.

        “All of these beliefs tie in to one thing…My belief that something is not right and needs to be fixed/helped”. Yes, when people are self-destructive, self-beating and generally show lack of self respect or esteem, I feel for them and want to uplift them. My heart goes out to them and when I try to help them see things another way and they do not, it may get tiring at times.

        I want everyone to be in a good place because I know how bad dark places can be. But now I know there is a purpose to those places too. I just can’t watch someone o through it like that. Thus, I must walk away until they get out of it, or just be passive about it, or participate in the rehab until they get better?

        “They can only change when I change the belief that something is wrong”. So, when I see an illiterate person, for example, I should not help them learn to read if they do not want to? I am using an example in teaching which can generally be used for other cases as well. If I have an skill which I can use to assist in some way, but this is refused, I feel really sorry for the person. Why does my heart go out to them? Is this bad, because I am hurting myself, too? This is what I do not get. Am I supposed to be flippant? Is that the best way to be without them asking me directly for help?

        But this world would be worse off if we did not help people in need. Sometimes it is worth it to help a person collapsed on the street when no one else does. I have done this many times, because I stop and help. I just can’t walk by without doing something. I am sure this is okay, as long as I do not complain about it. If I do, I need to change my own beliefs.

        I guess the human condition brings tears to my eyes. The pain I see around me just penetrates my heart. Is it because I “remember” non-physical and am not “used to” this realm? Maybe I have to get used to it by shifting this belief I have. I should not feel that way. They are just going through something and will find their way. I can just point them there.

        I think I am getting something here. I’ll get back to this one.

        • Kat!

          Obviously I came across all wrong! I’m not against the idea of helping anyone, even though it did kinda sound that way. O.o What I meant is how I’m feeling bad when I see something is off or wrong and I ‘have to’ go fix it, because it’s frustrating me. I’m not fixing it out of a sense of how great it feels to do it. I’m doing it even though I really don’t want to, so as Melody would say, I’m not taking inspired action. If I’m feeling bad while trying to ‘fix’ something, I know my perspective is not helping me. That’s the ‘something is not right’ I was talking about!

          Which is where I think you were. You wanted to help, but it was frustrating because you weren’t able to. So by that point, it was no longer inspired action for you, and like you said, you had to walk away. That is about the only similarity between our posts. You are looking outside yourself, and I’m focused inside of me. You want to help others, and I’m being selfish and just trying to help myself. πŸ˜‰

          That’s why I love your feedback. You answer in a broader perspective than I do!

          • Ah, yes, gotcha. Thank you, Nay, for this. now I can see what is going on in these cases. Inspired action is significant in itself.

      • Oh boy. This is some pretty heavy stuff. πŸ™‚ I had to work through this change in perspective and belief about my son, when he became homeless and started living on the streets. I love him so much!!! I want him to be warm and dry and comfortable and safe and well-fed and happy!! It is so hard not to try to give him everything that .. get this … *I* think he needs. (Which, amazingly, does not coincide at all with what it is *he* thinks he needs! haha!)

        So that I (meee!) can feel comfortable with his situation. So that I, personally, can feel comfortable with the way someone else is living his life!

        But, he has refused my “help” haha! He is determined to make it on his own, to very literally create his life from scratch. His own life. To feel pride in his own accomplishments. To figure shit out and learn to take care of himself.

        This has been very hard on me — yes, though I’ve gotten better at releasing my idea of what his happiness looks like, I still go through periods when I daydream about handing him the keys to an apartment that I’ve bought for him. But, I recognize that this would not be a present for him — it’s for me, so that I can stop worrying about him. πŸ™‚

        In order to keep having a relationship with my son, I have had to release all (well, as much as I can! haha!) judgment about his choices, about his situation. Judgment in this case isn’t necessarily disapproval or disappointment — it is also fear and worry and doubt. It is also self-doubt and self-recrimination and making it all about me “oh, if only I had been a better mother!” This is all bullshit and is a perspective that invites me to see him as incapable or “damaged” — damaged by his childhood, damaged by my poor mothering, etc. Well, he is NOT damaged! He is not broken or cracked or even chipped. πŸ™‚ He is … too perfect for words. πŸ™‚ He is exactly where he is supposed to be right now, being exactly the person that he is supposed to be. And he deserves to butt his head against the brick wall of his resistance, and figure out how to release it!

        I force myself to never ever give him advice, to never ever express any sort of disappointment or fear. I try to never offer up “solutions” to “his” “problems” — all of this is just me and my bullshit butting in. πŸ™‚ I ask him how he is doing, I celebrate with him every success he shares with me, I tell him he is awesome and that he is one of the strongest people I know.

        He is amazing to me. I love him. I want him to be empowered in his life and this is the path he has chosen in order to learn what he needs to know about himself in order to create the life he wants.

        Whenever I think of him or talk about him or talk to him, I try to always see him as perfect, right now. He has, within him everything he needs to get everything he wants in his life. I would love to make his journey easy! but, that’s not my job!!! (I *thought* it was my job for the longest time — I held on to him until he had to pry himself loose with a crowbar (to quote a previous blog post!)) and now, I understand that it is not my job to make his life easy, but to let him know that he is strong enough to live any life he wants.

        He is an awesome person, an incredible teacher. He is pulling himself up by his own bootstraps, working his way out of depression, and finding ways to train his own thoughts. He has recently found a job, his first job in maybe four years, which he works like a fiend! haha! He’s making plans for his future and is talking about going to school in the spring. He’s still homeless, but he’s not hopeless. He’s finally reached a place in which he can see a different version of himself and it no longer feels like a lie or impossible. He is finally reaching a place where he feels that he is going to be able to have the things he wants.

        I told him once that I imagine him on a stage, being introduced as an inspirational speaker — the camera pans the audience, all applauding him, and then the camera stops on me, giving him a standing ovation. He steps up to the microphone and thanks everybody for the welcome and then tells a story that starts with, “I lived on the streets…” and ends with, “… and now I’m a billionaire!” πŸ™‚

  • Melody,

    My take on rejection in my life. If I am being rejected, and it hurts, it’s only because I have decided that the rejection will take something away from me (and I’ll never get it again), or is a reflection on me. That I am less because of the rejection, or that they are essentially saying that I am not good enough/not enough/don’t have enough for them. So they are rejecting me, and I am hurt and wanting to hold on because I feel less without them, or, I must be flawed in some way, even if I have no desire to hold onto them.

    So being rejected can only hurt me, or I can only accept the action as rejection, if I feel that I am less because of the rejection. On top of that, the rejection can only occur because I am already feeling it in some way. I am already vibrating at that level in some way. I am in some way already feeling hurt or inferior, and the rejector is just reflecting it back at me.

    Now moving on to me rejecting someone else. The idea of rejecting someone bothers me. Yet at the same time, if I am really done with that person, or feel no need to be around them, I want to move on. But they continue to hang on, or cling to me, or won’t just leave me alone.

    The only reason they can cling to me is because I am clinging to something. The only way I can feel bad about the rejection is if I feel that the rejection will in some way hurt me or is a bad reflection on me. In essence, I can take the above paragraph and just change around the words and have my answers!!! Very cool!

    So if I am rejecting someone, and it hurts, it’s only because I have decided that the rejection will take something away from me, or is a reflection on me. That I am less because of the rejection, or that I am essentially saying that they are not good enough/not enough/don’t have enough for me (which is selfish). So I am rejecting them, and I am hurt and wanting to hold on because I feel less without them, or, because I must be flawed in some way (to want to hurt them), even if I have no desire to hold onto them.

    Then there is the whole it’s all about me. If I am being rejected or rejecting someone, then I am essentially rejecting myself. There is some part of me, some emotion or belief telling me that I am not good enough so must be rejected, or I am not a good person and am showing it by rejecting someone else. I must already be feeling bad in some way in order to draw these situations to me. If I didn’t have these feelings already, neither situation could occur.

    Ok, enough of Nay’s logic loop.

    • Oh, Nay, that was sooooo good! Thanks for this wrap up to a great conversation. I always wondered about this topic. There is so much pain in both! But you are right “If I didn’t have these feelings already, neither situation could occur”.

      “I am in some way already feeling hurt or inferior, and the rejector is just reflecting it back at me.” Yes, but why would I get angry at that person and call them stuff? Why not sit with myself and change my vibration not to feel this way? This is what I tried to tell someone many times, but of course he would not hear that, he could not, yet kept complaining about himself and how it sucks without certain people in his life. It got draining.

      If I am rejecting someone else who is not a perve, psycho, creepy, weirdo, derelict, criminal, etc and he is a very decent human being where there was even soul recognition of my soul and I thought maybe his, yes, rejecting him is like rejecting a part of me! It is my heart that breaks with his. When he gets angry about this, I get pissed at myself for not tolerating his issues, even though I know he has to deal with them on his own, because 1) I have helped him and he did not even try to understand and 2) could we be harmonious with these issues of his?

      So I let him be. I read the above comments and must re-read them at some point, but this is a big one, because yes, it is about me, but there are other parties involved to show me who I am, and the other way around.

      I am glad for this topic because there were some unanswered questions here that are useful.

      • Kat,

        I have a family member who has some serious mental health issues. And they are continuously falling apart, and wanting others to pull them up, help them out, listen to them about how horrble it is for them, and how frustrating it is, and how much harder they have it. Yet they live in an apartment for free, and get money for free every month, and have to do absolutely nothing. Which I think is great, except they still create all kinds of probems for themselves and others around them.

        Many people have tried to help out, but almost everyone has quite listening because they don’t do anything to help themselves. Except one person. And that one person in particular, is always complaining about helping them, yet feels it is their responsibility to always be there. In essence they are the crutch, even though they are tired of being the crutch because nothing ever changes.

        And I have no answer for either of them. With LOA I’ve started asking why the one is always helping? What makes them feel it’s so necessary to help while at the same time resent that they are always asked for the help? What are the feelings they are having that has drawn this into their lives? They obviously feel responsible, yet don’t want to be responsible. And because they feel that responsibility, they are always called upon to be responsible. So they are manifesting the problem themselves.

        But what I can’t get to is how would they break that cycle? I know part of it is they would feel like a bad person if they didn’t help, and an even worse person if something went wrong because they didn’t help. So where do you draw the line at being responsible and letting go of fixing the world for someone else? It’s so easy to fall into that trap too. The desire to help someone else when they are in pain is such a draw. But when helping accomplishes nothing, and then you resent it, you aren’t doing anyone any good.

        So if they no longer felt responsible, and decided that the one they were helping needs to help themselves, what would happen? They would HAVE to see that person as perfect. I know this, but I don’t know how to enact it. To really see it. And if I can’t envision it, how do I explain it to them? What feelings need to change in order to not feel responsible or see the other person as unable to help themselves? Such is the learning journey I work on off and on. I know it’s not my responsibility but it’s a perfect opportunity for me to learn this, even if it is just from the sidelines. What are your answers to these questons, if you even have them… πŸ™‚

        • Ok, I have to say, that I’m not perfect with them getting everything for free. I understand why and how and that it is good in some ways. But that they are free of the burden of supporting themselves, and still cause problems is not ok. So I guess I have some things to work on too. Makes me see the fears I have with the Venus Project!!! πŸ˜‰

    • Yay Nay! You’ve done it again. I love how you turn it around and around like that. It IS all about us, and the same issues in being rejected can be reflected by us rejecting someone else. Nice one!!!

      Huge hugs!


  • Melody —

    Normally I enjoy being a little cheeky in my commentary — you power that vibe up in many of us, I’m sure, because you’re the essence du cheek yourself — but here, you’ve near silenced me with your full on compassion.

    I’m only writing to give voice to this. You should know that you are some kind of quasi-mythological creature. You know how those ancients were always combining animal parts as a way to combine disparate qualities? The Sphynx, Pan, centaurs, minotaurs, heffalumps . . . . You have some wild gifts that normally aren’t tossed into the same mix: deep compassion, ribald fun, a provocative nature, keen spiritual insight.

    I assume thousands of others are also out there feeling this same thing upon reading your post here. We’ve all passed being thankful and grateful (though we are) and have risen into a state of awed appreciation for your powers.

    Appreciatively —


    • Wow Evan. I think this may be the NICEST. COMMENT. EVER. In the history of the Internet.

      Thank you so very, very much. *squee*

      I’m really just the messenger, though, you know. I connect, I translate, I enjoy. The compassion and love and wisdom, that’s all of us together, who we really are (the sarcasm is all me. I think.). And yep, I’m in awe, too.

      I like the idea of having powers though. How could would it be to just enlighten people with a touch? I think I would totally abuse that. I’d walk right into the UN and just start hugging people. World peace in 24 hours, lol.

      Weeee! I’m having fun today!

      Huge happy shiny puppy hugs for you!

  • Melody,

    To me all of these are about rejection in some way. Fear of rejection, fear of rejecting someone else and hurting them, and the pain of being rejected. And you make it so plain that it is all about us, about our vibration. And if we can just change our perspective on how we view a situation like this, we can shift our vibration. To realize we don’t have to hurt is wonderful! To know how to shift in order to feel better is awesome! To do it is, um, a bit of a struggle at times. πŸ™

    But even the struggle points out where we have resistance! πŸ™‚ Why does it have to be a struggle? What emotion is lurking telling us it is difficult to change how we feel in certain situations? So the only reason we allow ourselves to hurt is because we are resisting something we either really want or don’t want, or we are afraid of something. We are making the struggle which is the pain? Pondering ahead for me…

    • Hey Nay,

      It often comes down to the fear that there won’t be another one coming along if we let this one go. It’s a belief of scarcity, perpetuated by the idea of “the One”. We think there’s a limited number of matches out there for us, or maybe even just one, and that we have to find him and lock him down before he gets away. But the Universe is abundant, infinitely so. And another one, and what’s more, a better one, will come along soon, if we let him. We have to allow those who aren’t a match to us anymore leave our reality so that the ones who are a match to our newly evolved selves can come in. It also comes down to this false idea of permanence that I discussed above.

      Good stuff today! πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs,


  • Oh Laura, I felt your plea for some input here while I saw the page open on my browser before I closed it.

    Sweetie, you had nothing else going on at the time and wanted an experience. That is what this was and please take it as such. To me, it sounds like a fling. you did not really love this guy. If there were love involved, it would have ended differently, trust me. Your alarm bells rang before you got involved with him, so you knew it would go the way it did. You did, admit it. Your inner being warned you. I think you decided to go for the ride and you did. Count it as an experience, and move on. Learn from this what it is that you do want. The weight will disappear as you regain your strength. you are pinched off from your inner being now, that is why you feel that way, but I promise it will improve. One day you will see what this situation really was, but I understand that you can’t right now. He may very well call one day, but you won’t want him anymore. I can say many things about his behavior, but you will call me on it and I do not want that, since you still feel for him. Love is not like that, however. In love there is respect for the other person and their wishes and there is no foul behavior of the sort. That is, if you are looking for love. If not, then just enjoy what you experience and take it as that and leave when you do not like the situation anymore.

    Another remedy is another relationship, but you state you wish to be alone, which is fine. This is my input. I hope I helped a bit.

    • Kat-

      Thank you so much for your awesome words. They touched my heart really deeply and the flood gates just opened up again. I agree with everything you said except one thing…another relationship as a remedy. (Of course I can only speak for myself.)

      I did start to think about this. But I am not healed from this hurt yet, so to bring someone else into the fray just seems unfair and hurtful…asking for more trouble. I am also a bit concerned that my vibe isn’t at the frequency I need it to be to attract the kind of guy I really want. I don’t think it’s the answer as I’ve looked to others to fill empty spaces that can only be filled by myself.

      I know a relationship can be healing. But I also think another (a life partner’s) purpose is to ENHANCE an already fulfilled life, which mine is by far, not. I won’t go into too much detail, but I’m not exactly in an independent (financial) situation. So I’m not feeling too great about myself. In a cycle of depression, I don’t feel motivated to move in that direction either. It’s frustrating but depression has a huge grip and has been an issue since I was…well, since I was a kid, but a noticeable issue since I was 18.

      Anyway, Kat, please don’t hold back. Quoting you here: “I can say many things about his behavior.”

      Honestly, I will not call you on it. I think whatever you have to say might just benefit me and help me. The thing is, I am really frustrated with myself because I don’t seem to have enough respect for myself to stop people walking all over me, taking advantage of me, etc. It feels so pathetic, caring more about others’ feelings so much more than my own it’s a serious detriment.

      So please I would really like to know everything you have to say.

      Thanks again, Kat. I appreciate it.

      • Dearest Laura,

        Do not worry one bit. You will get to where you want to be in time. I merely suggested another relationship for therapeutic purposes, to get your mind and heart off this guy. An uplifting relationship with a high vibrational person will do wonders. You do not even have to be ready for it because it will just cheer you up. I am not talking about marriage or anything serious, but just an uplifting relationship. When the cycle of such a relationship is over, you will part ways mutually respecting each other and fond of each other. There wont be drama or ill feelings or anything negative like that, just to give you an idea of what that kind or relationship would be like.

        I do not know the details of your life, nor are they necessary. You ex’s behavior was immature and really bad. You did not take him seriously and you know you should not have, so why are you torturing yourself now? It is a rhetorical question for you to see what is going on from outside of your mind, which is full of “him” now. Your inner being knows and we here know, so why not go with that flow instead of his twisted one? I hope I am making sense.

        I thought of a good example of letting things go i mentioned elsewhere in this blog, and this one happens to be about love. Do you remember the movie Legends of the Fall? Well, in it a little girl declares she will marry Tristan, the character played by brad Pitt. During this time, a young woman was having an affair with him. He was obviously not in a position to handle a serous relationship. He had many wild oats so sow and much anger in him. The relationship between them was sad, tortured, it broke your heart watching it. The young woman was always in tears, catering to his wants, as I remember. He had left for years and in a letter to her he told her to find another. This broke her heart. He cared for her, but he was reckless and impetuous. Had she read him well enough, she would have known this and acted appropriately.

        The little girl went on with her life (it is irrelevant that she was little-the universe remembers our desires) and continued to be happy, only to match his vibration after his travels and they ended up married while the young woman not so. The point is, find your own bliss and focus there and before you will appear the person that will pursue you with whom you will have a harmonious relationship. This is my best, heartfelt suggestion.

        You are seeing through a fog now, but when it clears up, you’ll see things more clearly. This was just an experience, not to torture you but to lead you to what you do want. Look at it that way. I hope this is good and does nit sound like BS. Kat over.

        • Hey Kat-
          I loved the scenario of the movie. I saw it years ago and don’t really remember it so I have added it to my mental list of movies to see again really soon. One of the library systems ’round here lets you take movies out like you’d take a book out. (Free)

          Thank you again for all your kind words. You’re posts/comments have been a real life line for me. And very helpful even in the areas where I disagree, helping me to realize how I really feel about those things.

          I realize you weren’t talking about marriage, but since we’re talking LOA and that involves vibration/frequency/beliefs, getting into another relationship I believe would be detrimental. You can certainly say, “Just stop believing that.” But easier said than done.

          I’m vibrating at a place most of the time where I would attract somewhat the same sort of thing, as that’s where my vibe/belief/expectations are. And this despite the fact that I know there are good men out there. I’ve met them. I’m just not attracted to them. (Or I know them as part of a couple…just pointing out that I know they exist and I’m not bitter or hating on men. πŸ™‚

          I know it comes from a place of not feeling good enough. And I’m not saying that for pity. I’m just stating it to show a point. For me, bringing up my vibration first is what I think is the way to do it, then I can think about dating. This break up has also triggered ptsd I wasn’t aware of. So I’m hyper-vigilant and not too trusting of my own judgment of men I might choose. So there wouldn’t be much up-liftment to derive.

          However, I have isolated myself a lot and that perpetuates my cycle of depression too. I really could benefit from spending time with friends/people I do feel comfortable with much more often. Socializing brings my vibe up, but even the thought of any sort of romance, even something not serious, gets my fears up so much, that just isn’t the way to go.

          Back to the character in the movie who was having an affair with Brad’s character. HA! It sounds like me with this guy. I was always tearful and anxious, a really good gauge of what my soul/intuition was telling me. And your statement, “You didn’t take him seriously…” gave me new perspective too. That stopped my eyeballs in their tracks. πŸ˜‰

          I was resistant to my own vibration evolving because his wasn’t changing the same way mine was and I was fighting the necessary separation. I wanted him to “come with me” but I don’t think he knew how. I needed cooperation for it to work and then I found myself having to stay stagnant and of course I wasn’t comfortable in that, hence tears, anxiety and depression.

          Yeah, the logic is all there. It’s keeping it up in the air so I can continue actually feeling it. That’s the trick.

          Hugs my friend.

  • Wow Mel. Your timing is unreal. I had a melt down today and prayed for God to make me stop loving him, stop missing him, stop wanting him to come back and stop having any feelings at all. Yes, I know it’s been just about a year (not quite for the final blow) and I’m still having some really tearful days where I just sob. I go back and forth with sadness, anger, hate, repulsion, disgust, love, missing him. I just want to be indifferent. There’s fear too that is about being afraid that he will never come back AND that he will. It’s just nuts.

    I know when it comes to manifesting, “the how” isn’t our job. But letting go? It seems to me “the how” IS important. I mean I can SAY that I let go all day long. But just because my mind says it, doesn’t make my heart/soul or even my mind itself believe it…and truly FEEL it, which is the true key. Faking it till I make it hasn’t worked so far.

    If I’m honest, I would have to admit, I (my true self) knew, that it wasn’t a healthy situation to get involved with at all from the beginning. There was a big sexual draw despite the fact that he was obese. And I did fear my issues with that as time went on…embarrassed to be seen with him, the fact that it was an obvious side effect of some pretty deep emotional issues as he definitely used food to numb his emotions as well as sex and the need for a relationship in general.

    I was going for the immediate gratification I knew the “relationship” could provide. However, we really were both an escape for each other. I was bored with life, had no direction, didn’t feel motivated, etc.

    He was hurt by a cheating wife and was running from that. Lots of anger, etc. which was tough for me to deal with, the closer I thought we were getting, since I wanted to be the center of his attention and obviously couldn’t be, leaving me with crumbs. And in addition the venom that he’d spew forth in regards to his stbx wife was disconcerting. This was all confusing though given my mixed feeling I referred to above. Any healthy emotionally sober individual would’ve been like, “NO WAY…I’m not even gonna board that roller coaster. Good bye!” Ha. But not me.

    And yep, you’re right about the clinging. “My source of happiness was going away”…not really I know. But that’s what it felt like and I went into panic mode.

    And this is super ironic too as I really felt like my life energy was being sucked out of me after being with him for a while. My face was drawn, the circles under my eyes were really dark and I acquired a low back injury and gained about 20 pounds while with him. (I believe the weight’s for “protection” and after the break up I proceeded to gain 10 more, for even more padding as my body perceived not just the break up but the manner in which it was done, as trauma.)

    At the time of the break up there was someone else for him…ALREADY and that was a major blow. This is nothing I didn’t know about though. It’s an MO for him to have someone else lined up before breaking the present cord. And his divorce still wasn’t final, and she was still a major presence also still clinging, wanting to be with him.

    I was told he had been invited to move in with the new girl and he was accepting. Fast mover, huh? I know there are things behind the scenes I don’t know and they COULD’VE been seeing each other long before I knew about it, but I don’t think so. He moved fast with me too and he’d been willing to live with me probably a couple months in, if I had been in a situation where that would’ve been possible. But I wasn’t.

    Anyway, my biggest concern is letting go. I am still holding on to hope (cruel joke of the universe). I visualize him standing outside waiting for me all the time. It is causing me nothing but pain and I’m so tired of feeling this way. And I know it will only go away when I let go.
    I want to move on/forward. When I say “move on,” I mean peace within, not necessarily a new relationship. I’d like to spend some time with me first and get to know what it is I really want, who I am, etc. Feel fulfilled within first, before being with someone new. But I also feel like the pain is keeping me from this as well.

    I remember one night he was supposed to call me and instead he just unfriended me on FB and didn’t tell me. When I texted him to ask why, (he’d just started dating the other girl and I was hoping that would end) he said, “I’ve decided I’m just so tired and feel like I need a new start.”

    My biggest dilemma is:
    HOW do I let go? How do I reach a point of TRULY FEELING that I’ve let go and moved on?

    And another question that has me stumped is, why is it that the higher vibe person is the one to hold on? That just doesn’t make sense. How is it the higher vibe ppl are the ones who are more insecure. After all, he was able to attract someone else to him even before we were even over. Seems like he might be the higher vibe person between the two of us.

    Please anyone in this community feel free to give me feedback. I appreciate all your comments and have learned so much from you as well as Mel.

    Thanks Mel, for writing on this, it did help today during my breakdown and funny how you’re right on time.


    • Hey Laura,

      You need to find a way to shift your perspective. Right now, there’s a (totally delusional) part of you that think that if you’d only stayed together, somehow happiness would’ve come. Well, you need to drag that part of yourself out into the light and show her vibrational “reality”. Try this exercise:

      Go on and allow yourself to fantasize about getting back together with him. Forget about the logic of it, just go ahead and let your mind go there for a few minutes. But… see it as it really would be. Don’t just assume that happiness would magically appear. What would it really be like to be with this man, live with this man, spend the rest of your life with this man. What would it REALLY be like. Take some time to actually go down that road, instead of just letting that part of your brain tell you it would be magical and that you’re missing out on something “beautiful”. Go ahead and answer the question in detail: “What would you truly be missing out on? What would your life actually be like?” And be honest.
      If you show yourself how it would actually play out, instead of just letting that part of you keep assuming it would be magic, you may well shift your perspective enough to let go. Let me know how it goes. πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs,


      • Good exercise Mel. I’ve done this in the past. In fact a friend of mine (the angel in my life who caught me when I fell in this situation) has somewhat played this game with me, except she’s sort of filled in the blanks for me. Ya know, fantasizing for me, giving me a slice of what the reality would be.

        But I don’t do this all the time obviously. I get caught up in a circle of past arguments, disagreements, pointing fingers, then turning it onto myself. I think this will be a good practice to bring in when I start that cycle of thinking while trying to come to some conclusion that will bring me peace of mind…that I never actually reach.

        So, yeah, cool. Thanks. And it seems like something that will bring me back up while in the downward spiral, while stopping it at the same time.

        Thanks Mel. You’re awesome.

  • “If you’ll let the journey be your goal rather than the destination, then? you’re having instant success”, as Abe says.

    So, I guess we better have fun and just enjoy our journey and, in this manner, will get us what we want?

    • Kat, I bet we were listening to this recording at the same time!!! I mean I just listened to this like day before yesterday and here you are quoting it.

    • Yep, Abe is spot on, as usual. Value the process. If you can do that, you don’t have to worry about when it’s coming. You’ll enjoy the in-between, the looking forward to it, the unfolding of it, all the little manifestations along the way that get you there (and there are many). And that’s when it gets really, really fun.


      Huge hugs,

      • Thanks for the Abe nuggets! I love getting reminded of their teachings once in a while.

        Melody, can you also communicate with your inner ‘Abraham’ like Esther does? I haven’t read all of your posts so I just had to ask.

        • Hey Fonzy,

          Actually, I do exactly what Esther does, I just have my own style. I don’t go into a trance like state (I don’t leave the building), although I don’t always remember 100% of what I said or wrote. And, I don’t experience the energy I connect with as any kind of entity with a name, at least not when I’m coaching. I just reach up and it comes.

          When I meditate, I can connect with energies that I do name (my Superfriends), and Abraham is one of them (they are all actually groups of consciousness. Large, LARGE groups, but that’s not really important). As well as my own higher self. But the info that comes is always perfect, no matter who steps up the answer my questions.

          Check in the archives and search for Channeling. There are a couple of posts in there you might find interesting. πŸ™‚

          Huge hugs,


          • Thanks a lot, Melody.

            After posting my question here, I did search for channeling in your archives. I can’t remember the title of that post of yours but it was an amazing read.

            Keep up the good work,

  • Just a quick PS — I realized (epiphanized! πŸ™‚ ) the other day that everyone/thing in my life is a reflection of my vibration — and that means all the beautiful stuff, too. (!!!) So, when I think about all the teachers I’ve had (do have), reflecting back to me my vibration, I want to keep in mind that they are also showing me the beauty within me as well as my resistance. πŸ™‚ I also like to remind myself that God sees no resistance or areas to improve — I am who I am who I am right now and all that is me is delightful to God. πŸ™‚ (the heck with God! — everything about me is a delight to ME!! haha!) At my unique frequency right now (and every Now) I resonate perfectly in the Universe. πŸ™‚ the only discord is in my mind — but I am never out of step with the Grand Dance. πŸ™‚ the Universe isn’t setting me aside until I get my shit together — it is impossible to be a wallflower! — even my areas of resistance are of use and beautiful to the Universe. (!!!)


      • Melody, I got here with (more than) a little help from my friends πŸ™‚ I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog! I love what I learn here and how I feel when I read your posts! I love love love LOVE! πŸ™‚ Yes I just said I love Love. πŸ™‚ And I love Gratitude! I love the Universe and I love that I am an integral part in this whole thing! I love that post you wrote, “Why We Are Here” — source of the most Major Epiphany of My Life!!!! I have been learning and growing and shifting vibe at a tremendous rate!!! Thank you!!! I love Forgiveness! I love allowing! I love having committed myself to living what I believe! I love playng with the LOA! I love letting go! — I’m getting so much better at it! πŸ™‚

        …and I’m starting to babble.
        the end. πŸ™‚

  • Thanks for the helpful reminders, Melody.

    The most useful for me is the idea of vibrational mis-match. It works for everything! And it takes the personal hurt out of the situation. A co-worker doesn’t like me. Okay, it’s nothing personal. We’re a vibrational mismatch, and I can stay my happy self, and stay out of their space when I can.

    I love the way you take the other two hurtful situations and show the reader (us!) how to see the situation from a new perspective. Finding that different healing perspective can be really hard, and it’s fantastic to have a friend like you to point the way. Yeah Melody!

    Huge hugs, happy Thursday!

    Mary Carol

    • Thanks so much Mary Carol! You have no idea (ok, you probably do) how much fun it is to be able to do that for people: turn a painful situation into a much less painful one simply by offering a different perspective. I SO love what I do!! πŸ™‚

      Huge hugs!! and Happy Shiny Friday!


  • Hey, Melody, I am a little uncomfortable with the idea that “it’s all about me” — although I understand that we are talking about personal vibrations here, so yeah, we focus on just one of those vibrations — but I’m trying to understand and see how everything works in perfect synchronicity and it is never just about one person, right?

    I mean, I imagine the Universe as a dance with everyone, everything, every experience gliding and swaying into and out of each other’s vibration in a perfectly choreographed dance — a dance which includes *everyone* in the Universe.

    So, I am a manifestation in other people’s lives at the exact same time they are a manifestation into mine. I am never selfish and I am always giving because I am exactly where I am supposed to be at all times, giving others the experience they have asked for (consciously or un) because I am the perfect person to give them that experience (I reflect to others their vibrations, too!).

    I am supremely important, but so is everyone else!, so I think the Universe isn’t catering just to me and using other people to send me experiences. I think the experiences I’ve asked for are being provided by people to whom I am also giving an experience they have asked for — at the same time. (awkward sentence, but hopefully you get the drift!)

    So, we are all always giving each other exactly what we have asked for! and as my vibration shifts, I find myself unwilling or even unable to behave in certain ways, so the experiences I am “called on” to provide, are changing. I am giving of myself in different ways, now. Ways that feel better to my “new” vibration. **

    And always, always the Universe/God/Higher Self/Ulitmate Me/Infinite Is is the shining light, offering joy. I am moving towards it – I get to choose to move towards it – I *intend* to experience joy and that intention shapes the dance of the entire Universe so that others are brought into my life who have the same intention.

    I can receive what others offer me in joy and wonder and awe because at the same time I am giving all that I am to them. We are all ONE. There is no giving without receiving. There is no receiving without giving (like sex — in the moment of giving I am receiving. (bowchicabowow! πŸ™‚ ). To Give is to Receive — right then, in that moment. The Universe has brought us together in order to do this for each other and help each other move towards that Joy.


    πŸ™‚ I am so close right now to being able to bless my Ex. It turned into an ugly ugly situation, I held on for far too long — but we BOTH held on. He could have left at any moment, too. And now, I can almost turn that situation around and see that we were actually both trying to help the other find the joy. πŸ™‚ (We were the blind leading the blind, but at least we were trying! LOL!)

    **Question: if I move out of someone’s life due to my shifting vibration, am I still giving that person the experience they have asked for? by leaving them? Because, presumably, when we hooked up in the beginning, we (Higher Selves) contracted to have a certain experience that maybe did not include breaking up?

      • No nevermind KimS…please share. I’m “Lovely” Laura and need all the help I can get.
        Thanks for the rest of your above post too. It was very helpful.

        • Hi Laura!
          The little realizations I had were about free will and allowing and our Higher Selves. πŸ™‚ I read my question a few times and then realized, How silly — of course we are not bound to a contract. We are drawn together and then, sometimes, we shift apart. And it is All Good, in the best and most true sense of the words. IT. IS. ALL. GOOD. Higher Selves are okay with the leaving. Higher Selves allow everything, accept everything. Forgive, accept, allow, flow and change. Higher Selves experience what we experience, but don’t try to hold onto it.

          We are not tied to any previous definitions of ourselves. We meet, we learn, we shift vibrations and sometimes we leave each other. We should be shouting, β€œThank you! Thank you for helping me pinpoint where I need to grow in order to be that much closer to Joy!! I will remember and give thanks for you always! Mission accomplished!!” (High Five and Hell to the Yeah!) πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

          So, yeah, it was something along those lines. πŸ™‚

          I’m still working towards this feeling of gratitude with my Ex, but I’m getting there!

          • It makes me laugh to think that maybe, in Higher Selves, Ex and I are really good friends, and he agreed to let me think of him as an asshole so that I could start my journey towards Joy.

            And maybe I said, β€œDude, I don’t want to hate you! let some other guy be the total dick!”

            And then he said, β€œWhat, you want some stranger in your life for 16 years, being a dick to you and kickstarting you on your way to self-knowledge? I sure as heck don’t want anyone else playing the role of my β€œspoiled bitch wife!”

            And then maybe I laughed and said, β€œOh, I am going to be SUCH a bitch to you! And soooo clingy and needy! OH! And I will make you feel responsible for MY happiness! OMG, it will drive you nuts! You are not going to have any choice but to learn this lesson the hard way!”

            And then, maybe my boyfriend, Patrick, grinned, and said, β€œHey, I want to be the Good Guy this time — I’ll date her after she leaves you. Dude, we are so going to hate on you for a while so that she can be righteously pissed off and then work her way towards forgiveness.”

            And then we agreed to meet up, after our stories are played out and we will laugh together about what we thought we didn’t know and how badly we acted and and how we took everything soooo seriously. πŸ™‚

            Truly, this is best-friendship in action! LOL! πŸ™‚

          • I love this Kim! And that’s how I see it, too. We are lovingly poking at each other and annoying each other, for our own goods. Ha.

            You did answer your own question. One little piece i want to add: Nothing in the Universe is permanent. There are never any contracts, never any obligations, never any long term commitments. There’s only NOW and what’s a match NOW. We humans have such an issue with that. We want guarantees and want everything to be locked in, but it’s all always changing. We can get anything we want, but only if we allow the flow of it, and that means everything has to flow, everything has to change. Sometimes, we change right along with each other and continue to be a match again and again. But you can’t stay stagnant. When we try, we get very, very unhappy.

            Huge hugs!

          • Seems like a design flaw.

            Creating humans, that by nature, will eventually have the capacity to be led in the wrong direction. Why put the capacity for bullshit there in the first place?
            Why make it possible for humans to yearn for things they can’t have anyway?
            Why give them false beliefs to download? Why create the mind viruses that can so easily currupt the whole system?

            Why make it possible for someone to feel horrendous pain, then be a total dick about it and not tell them in clear terms what to do and how to change it…then put us in a world that doesn’t support the change or believe in energy anyway? Alone, in pain and no answers! And the answers are made harder the worse you feel?

            The-answers-are-made-harder-the-worse-you-feel=== rigged!

            Or make people smart enough to gain self-awareness and know we are sad because something isn’t right and this and that needs to change…but not know how…and ironically have to feel good FIRST before anything can happen.

            It seems like a cruel f-up to me! Like the Universes’ Saw game…well stick your hand in this acid before you can pull out the key and free yourself…

            Just release the poor people…geez!

          • Hey Alice,

            It’s not a design flaw at all. We have the capacity to choose whatever we want. Would you rather eat in a restaurant where you’re told what to eat and you have no choice, or be able to order from a huge variety, even if there’s a risk that some of the foods you can order might not taste good to you?

            No one is downloading false beliefs. We create them, we misinterpret. But, if we listen to our inner voice, we can decide not to believe them. We have that power, too.

            The Universe isn’t being a dick. We are always being led to a better feeling direction, and quite clearly. We just don’t listen. So then, the message gets louder. The pain is the message! That’s a bit like saying, why does it hurt when I put my hand in the fire? Wouldn’t it be easier just to put a sign up that I shouldn’t do that? Wouldn’t that be more clear? I’d say the pain we experience when we bet burned is pretty clear. Don’t do that. Emotional pain and manifestations work the same way. Avoid that. It hurts. Do that. It feels good.

            The answers are not made harder the worse you feel. They’re just different. You can only ever see the next bit of the path in front of you. That’s true for everyone. When you feel bad, the next part of the path might not look like heaven, but it’s the next bit. We just have to follow it.

            Feeling good is the HOW.

            No one needs to release us except us. Ever. And I agree. Just release your poor self. geez. πŸ˜‰

            Huge hugs,


          • I do like choice. πŸ™‚ But the universe is wise, and all-knowing, so it already knows what I want.
            I’m not saying to make only certain foods available, or the pleasant and bland foods.
            Nooooo, because sometimes I’m a purposeful masochist, and I go into the resturant (I really do this with real food and things) and I order the chilli food, and then stick wasabe on top, because I know that will be painful, but it’s also daring and fun, and people like dares like that.
            I do things that scare me, that are painful, on purpose, for the thrill.
            And get my heart rate up, picking a (verbal, playful) fight with someone you shouldn’t pick a fight with, or like the feeling of a zinging sensation of pain.

            Yes, there is some pleasure in the oddest of things, the relief felt after crying, the drama of a managable sad thing, the feeling of throwing up is mostly horrific, can can at times feel quite nice!

            But you couldn’t really call the above pain, because the universe knows that I wanted it (sounds kinky) and I volunteered to eat the chilli, tease the beehive, poke the angry person and sit on the rollercoaster.

            But there are things we obviously don’t want, like being stabbed, raped, life-long depression, chronic illnesses, things that are just shit and go on and on forever. Or too much at once, for too long, to the point someone often thinks of death, I think the universe took it too far then.
            (some people may want that, but I don’t)

            I get that people have life-fetishes, for things most people don’t want, but it doesn’t mean they want some twisted version of a bit of fun.
            The guy with a foot fetish wants womens feet in his face, not a giant crushing him to death with it’s foot.
            There’s a line, and the universe knows it, but it crosses it anyway.

            In the universe of life, we love the zingers and the chilli, and the yuk tasting things we can laugh about with friends and wash down with chocolate…
            I’m just saying we don’t want FOOD POISONING. That should be banned.
            It also knows everything, and knows I don’t get off on THAT type of pain!
            Nope, that’s when it goes from a bit of fun, to “dear lord help me I’m terrified and want to die!!!”

            And when there’s people going to psychologist or doctor to try to stop the pain, it should get the message that we had enough already.

            As for the answers…are you kidding, you yourself say clarity is almost impossible in midst of depression.
            Also we get lined up all wrong during depression , I know it as I attract more things I didn’t want!
            Also you know feeling good isn’t easy, this is old news. The universe also knows this.
            It knows everything, so why doesn’t it just help out when we got so badly stuck down that road?

            It’s like if someone accidently falls in that fire, then walking away, because they have to learn that fire hurts, well I think 10 seconds was enough, we all get the point, now let’s help them!

          • Oh, yeah, that is what I thought about it, too! I feel that our higher selves are connected anyway, in another dimension at the moment, and we are expereincing stuff down here to teach each other things and ofc ourse, expereince physical. But when you tell this to the other person, they blast- what good is that when right now it sucks, and I’m so needy, clingy, angry and can never be happy on my own? Well, that is how exes are anyway.

            Today was an LOA in action day. I have been saying my smartphone is taking up all my time lately and I can do without it and it was stolen today, so now I can have some peace. What do you know? Over and out.

          • Kat,
            I can so see a love/hate relationship with LOA at times, and this is such a perfect example. You love it when you realize you get what you were asking for, but hate the way you got it and know you can only hold yourself responsible. But obviously you’re just opening the way for something better! πŸ™‚

          • OMG — that is so funny! I mean, I hate that your phone was stolen — but still, what more proof do we need that we ALWAYS get what we ask for (that we are vibrationally aligned with, of course!)? πŸ™‚

            omg, someone who was up for stealing a phone was brought into your life to give you some peace! Perfect manifestation for both parties! haha!

            (I hope it will be easy for you to replace — those things can be pricey!)

          • Kim, Hell to the yeah! πŸ˜† Obviously you need to be doing the rewrites for bad relationships, cause that’s hilarious! And being able to laugh at the past hurts, even a little bit, is so healing!!!

          • haha! thanks! πŸ™‚

            I am totally helped to heal whenever i can think of him as being just another pilgrim, on his journey. πŸ™‚

          • Hi Kim-

            I was thinking about the contract thing and I’ve never really resonated with the belief that our souls make agreements before we come in. Of course I could be wrong, it’s a mystery. And I don’t mean any offense to anyone that resonates with.

            But the reason it doesn’t make sense to me is because of the vibration thing.

            At the time of conception, aren’t we just this little being of energy made of the vibrations of mom’s egg and dad’s sperm? And then of course all the stuff those things are made up of have vibrations too. Everything is energy, and as defenseless little embryos we are the energy that is supplied us through the spiritual beings in human bodies that we are a physical product of.

            Now in the womb, our vibe will change with mom’s and also with others around her too, right? Especially, dad…if in the picture…or possibly even if not since you are technically an extension of him also. His energy/vibration is part of what make you up.

            Outside the womb, our vibe also continues to fluctuate and usually in a dependent way. But I think some of us are more innately independent than others but then there’s also the factor of how our caretakers treat us and basically how they nurture us. Hence, the nature/nurture mix of how someone deals with life.

            I don’t know that this really proves my non-belief about sitting down with the head honchos in heaven (or wherever) as a soul to discuss the lessons we will learn and sign contracts with other souls who will help in teaching us those lessons and vice versa. But it sort of reminds me of something Melody told me about psychics once. (I’m paraphrasing): “Someone might predict that you’ll meet the man of your dreams in a months time, but if you choose (free will) to stay inside and hibernate and isolate, that prediction won’t come true.”

            You can use that for anything, like take this scenario: I’m supposed to learn a life lesson from working for a man who sexually harasses me. The lesson could be that I learn how to stand up for myself, learn self respect. But what if I never apply for that job? Yes, that lesson could come up somewhere else, with another, but what happened to the other guy I was originally supposed to learn from? (I never met him because I chose to stay home the day he hired someone else.) So there couldn’t have been a contract. To me contracts take away the “free will” factor.

            I haven’t completely thought this all the way through and analyzed it to the end, but it’s a start anyway.

          • Laura,

            I don’t get the contract thing with others before I come down either. But there’s obviously a lot I don’t get… πŸ˜‰ What I do think of it as, is that I was sent down by my higher self, using a lot of knowledge from my past lives to decide what new things I wanted, or needed, to experience. And this time around I’m dropping in with maybe certain vibrational discords so I can learn or have new experiences. No contracts with anyone, just my vibrations to attract the types of people and experiences I need to gain the insights or experiences my higher self was looking to experience.

            Almost the same thing, but no contracts with others. Besides, I don’t need contracts because everyone is part of me anyway. Each person is part of another and knows (through the higher self) where they are needed. And it’s not limited to specific people because I have no doubt there are others whose vibrations are similar to mine who need the same types of experiences I do. So there are lots of others out there with the matching vibration to help each person experience what they need.

            Whew…I haven’t thought of this until what you wrote, and it just sorta spilled out. I think I’ve got a brain cramp. πŸ™‚

          • Actually, I don’t believe in contracts, either. πŸ™‚ My visualization of me laughing around with the Ex in Higher Selves is just a very powerful healing visualization for me. πŸ™‚

            I do believe that we are all One. I see it clear as day and I am so grateful to be alive and part of this wonderful life! And because we are all One, because we are all God/the Universe experiencing itself, then that means that we aren’t really hurting each other at all — it’s our “earthly” perspectives that are causing us pain. We are, in essence, making it all up. πŸ™‚ It just feels so damned real!! haha!

            The Joy is real. The pain is playacting. My Oneness is real. My resistance is fiction. It’s something that I make up, every day. My struggle is there because I decide for it to be. As soon as I decide for it not to be … well, then I will be an LOA MASTER!! I will be operating in the vibrational ZONE, my friend! heck yeah!

          • Yes, Kim! I read I book that there is no self to help, rely because we can make our reality whatever we want it to be and we are ever-changing beings and, like the universe, ever expanding, a d ever changing, so we can be whatever. So, one day we can be one way, the next day the other. There is nothing written that we have to be a certain way at all times. This is actually the falsehood perpetuated by society. We can be multiple personalities and experience whatever we want to whenever we want to, as we like it. That is what it is all about. So, if you do not like it, change it. That is the whole point. I agree with this totally. Everything else is just a label.

    • Kim,

      You state things so clearly! But I also think you answered your own question, and helped me see it too. You said, ‘We are all one’, so yes, it is all about you. All those who come into your life are a part of you, so it is about you! When people come in and out of our lives, it’s our vibrations moving in and out, or maybe more like attracting and pushing away. As our vibration shifts, those people, who are part of us, are moving with that vibration because they ARE part of it.

      Wow, not sure if that made sense, but it clicked something in me. I think I need to go deeper into this. Like you said, I feel just on the edge of another enlightened moment. πŸ™‚

      • Hmmm… interesting how uncomfortable I am when thinking, “it’s all about me” — I feel way more comfortable when I think, “it’s all about us!”

        I wonder what is up with that? maybe I’m afraid of treating people like puppets? or having the attitude that “YOU are here for ME!” and being all I-am-the-ruler-of-the-WORLD!! and “Dance Monkey, Dance!” Yikes! πŸ™‚

        We are all One, but we are also each unique and have free will. … so … yeah, still trying to figure it all out! haha!

        • Kim,

          Hmmm, it’s obvious that you fear your power. You know that once you have all that power, you WILL want to rule the world and make us your puppets! You evil power hungry, power hungerer you!

          I couldn’t resist! I think my brain is in a goofy warp today.

          But really, I think once you see that it is all about you, you start to have a lot more compassion for others and yourself, because you see your own issues reflected in others pains and worries. But that’s how I see it and probably only works for me. We all have to think and adapt in a way that works for us. But to me, as long as we’re reaching for better, it doesn’t matter.

          • I don’t want to fall prey to the dark side of the force!!! (or do I? hmmm….) LOL!

            I agree with you about developing more compassion — as my vibration has shifted, I do feel way more compassion for people and I’m so much less inclined to judge anyone for anything — which is soooo freeing!! I told my boyfriend, “I’m so happy that I have been freed from the burden of judging others! It’s simply Not My Job anymore!” πŸ™‚

            Some days, I name everyone Creator: “Hey Creator!” and “What’s up fellow Creator!” and “Hello Creator who drives a taxi!” Or I’ll name them God: “Hi God who is cashiering!” and “What’s up, God who is a homeless guy!” (um, I do this silently, btw — I don’t want to freak people out. haha!) Doing this helps me to empower everyone and helps keep me from judgment. After all, I can’t feel sorry for or deem lazy or marginalize God who is creating a homeless life and all the struggles that go with that! Heck, I can’t even help him without first determining if he needs/wants my help!

            No one is undeserving of help. No one is ‘less than’ anyone else. No one’s situation or choices are mine to judge. Period. But I do want to help, because I don’t want God who is homeless to be cold — and besides, it’s entirely possible that homeless guy has forgotten that he is a Creator so he just needs a little boost at the moment. πŸ™‚


            Most days, I look at trees and dogs and I recognize the conscious intention powering their existences — the same as mine!– and I will say (silently, so as not to be creepy!) “Thank you so much for being a tree!!” and “Thank you for being a dog!!”

            Some days, I am so excited to meet everyone — I am surrounded by friends! I laugh sometimes when people ignore me bc I imagine laughing with them in Higher Selves, “OMG! You just walked right past me! As if we didn’t know each other! As if it were possible to be strangers! LOL!” “Oh god, I do NOT know what hair was up my butt! Sorry!”

            Today, I started spontaneously singing a song that could only be titled, “I Love My Life!” as those were the only words! haha!

            As my vibration shifts, I might be becoming a little weird… LOL! :

      • Very cool insight Nay…people moving in and out of our lives and even how they move around in it while they’re a part of it, is all our own vibration. Very cool idea to meditate on. And yes, it made sense. πŸ™‚

  • I couldn’t agree more with everything you told these two. I believe for the first one, she needed to know that it was possible for her to feel good, to give her the courage to get out of a relationship that was bad. She was just focused on the wrong part of the status of the person who gave her the good feelings, and not the feelings themselves.

    As for the 2nd…I tell my friends all the time…The Universe will do for you what you are unwilling to do for yourself. IE: Having the other person end the relationship because you are too chicken to do it yourself. And, if it ends really bad, that means that is the Universe telling you to BE DONE with it!! Kind of like the 2×4 to the head, cause the simple poking wasn’t enough.

    Well done my friend…well done!

  • Really great explanations to some common scenarios!

    I am also wondering why it hurts so much to be around very insecure people, when they are very pure in spirit and wonderful overall. That insecurity causes them to act and say things and make one feel bad, even if they are truly funny. Is that a lower vibration no one else can really help them with but they need to work on their own?

    • I think it is because, by having low self-esteem, they are far away from their higher self. Seeing this is hurtful to the person who loves them. Though they may be a good person, funny and fun, if they are detached from their higher self and are clingy, insecure, not trusting the other person, it makes them a pain, no matter how much one wants to help them, unless they decide to do so on their own. Is this part of it?

      • Kat!

        Yes, this makes so much sense now! When someone is obviously and painfully insecure or clings to you, it drives you a little crazy, even when you don’t want it to. But seeing it as vibrations that are ‘clashing’ if you will, makes it so understandable!
        But, I know Melody says we can bring people up by holding our vibration steady, but can’t help them by dropping down into their lower vibration.

        Which makes me wonder if our vibration has dropped in order for us to feel bad around the other person? Ok, thinking about it, I know it has to…I guess I need to analyze a little further. I get it, but can’t quite wrap my head around keeping my vibration from dropping around people whose vibration is in a different direction. Yes I know, see them as perfect…but I’m not great at it. I get it, but haven’t quite been able to DO it!!! πŸ˜‰ Which means these people are there to help me shift some resistance about this subject…and on..and on.

        How is it so simple to work through it in my head, but not live it? Grasshopper, your vibration is weak. O.o Ha ha!

        • Nay, it is so funny, but the person I am referring to in this particular scenario would actually say “grasshopper”! No coincidence, I know! So, the person was deep, it was just heartbreaking and heart-wrenching dealing with the low vibrations of the beating up of himself. It is really painful for me and my heart would literally break and I would be sad all the time! There was just no happiness in uplifting him from the dust, you know?

          So, as you say, my reaction was “logical” so to speak. I would get sick from this and there was no way to help him. I concluded that it would an inside job and he had to do it himself. But, no matter what I said, it would not sink in as long as he did not listen. Life would have to teach him.

          Thank you for the input!

          • Dearest sweet Kat,

            When someone has a lower vibration than you and is in pain, you have three choices:
            1.) Focus on their pain and feel bad for them. This is what you’re doing now. You are totally aware of his pain, which causes your vibration to drop (spot on, Nay), and now you’re both unhappy and aware of his pain (which adds to it).

            2.) Walk away, go and feel better and try again.

            3.) (This one may require you to do #2 first) Realize that when your vibrations are too different, HE CAN’T HEAR YOU. There is nothing you can SAY that will make him feel better. But by trying to cheer him up, all you’re doing is focusing on his pain. So, understand that the only thing you can do is to keep your own vibration high. Remember that he will figure it out, that the funk is temporary and is almost certainly necessary. It will end up causing him to have a realization (one that you may be able to help him have when he’s ready for it). Being in pain is not a bad thing, it’s not a sign of something gone wrong. How many times did the Universe have to slap you in the back of the head before you paid attention? That’s what’s going on here. You don’t get to take that growth experience away from him. It’s perfect for him. He will not be in pain forever, so focus on the version of him that’s already benefited from this funk and has figured it out and is grateful for the message and the funk which brought it. Be grateful for his pain because you know it is serving him. Do that and you’ll be streaming high energy at him, which will help him rise much faster. Or, alternatively, he may need to get away from you for a bit, but then you need to let that happen, too. He’ll be back when he’s ready to rise.

            I hope that’s helpful. It’s all quite simple really, but not easy, in practice. πŸ˜‰

            Huge hugs!

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