Our very own Guest Author Nay has another amazing post for you today. She explores if it’s always a good thing for us to rehash our old memories. For the record, I’ve been meaning to write a post about this myself, and Nay captured my thoughts perfectly. Goddammit I love it when LOA has other people write my posts for me, LOL. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
As I continue to expand in my understanding of LOA and make an effort to see where I can go with this new (and awesome) perspective of my life, I have been rehashing some past events. Of course, many of these events haven’t been the best of my life, and were bringing up a lot of really negative feelings. And as I thought about those events and memories, I could feel myself getting anxious and upset. My whole mood was changing for the worse. Obviously not what my goal was!!! But damn it, I’m trying to fix me, and my past is where many of my ‘issues’ started! But the way I was feeling, the way the memories could drag me down, made me think, and think hard about memories and going over them to ‘feel’ better!
So as always, 😉 I started asking myself some questions about my standard “process.” First and foremost, I began to wonder how the memory of a past event was doing anything to fix my now? Why would I bring up past events like that? And just as important, why did the memory of things so far gone, bother me so much? Then I had a few new, yet very important thoughts. Does doing this make me feel better? Does the WHY of a past event matter?
This is where all hell started breaking loose
Well, maybe just all kinds of smoke floating around the room as my brain began to sizzle with new thought after new thought. First and foremost, I had to stop and ask the one thing that LOA demands we do: “Is what I am thinking or doing making me feel good?” Ummm, no. No, it wasn’t. So even though it goes against everything that I am so used to doing, I had to stop.
If I follow LOA thinking, my whole goal is to feel better. All I need to understand is that thinking about some past events bothers me. So again, why was I wrestling with past events that made me feel bad in the now? Once I realized that’s what I was doing, I knew that I had to change a long ingrained habit, and do what Melody has said maybe a thousand times or so. I had to go general. I had to start thinking about other things that did not feel bad. Even if it meant totally leaving the subject behind and thinking about how cool my new computer background is. I had to force myself to think of other things, and get busy with something that refocused my mind in any way I could.
Why am I dragging these memories up now?
Of course, when I get myself busy, this is much easier. When I slow down, however, like when I go to bed, many of the thoughts resurface. But with these new thoughts, I almost immediately had some new insights about memories and the part they play in my life. First, these memories are in the past. Duh! But why am I thinking about/dragging them up now? In what way does any past event have any bearing on me right now, in this very moment? Of course, all the standard, rote answers popped up:
- “Because the past defines me”
- “Because if I can fix how I feel about a past event, I’ll just feel better”
- “Because these things are stuck in my head and I can’t help but think about them”
- “Because if I can poke at them enough, maybe my feelings about them will change.”
All of these poured through my head, but none of them truly made sense to me. They were just habitual thinking. So I asked the question again. In what way do these past events have any bearing on me NOW…on who I am RIGHT NOW? And the surprising answer was, they had absolutely none! The only way they affect me is if I focus on those memories and make them part of my now, for whatever reason I decide that’s what I need to do.
The more I thought about it, the more it didn’t make much sense to keep rehashing past events. Because then I just make them part of my now, and why would I want to bring something into my now that makes me feel bad? And that in itself is the answer. The past cannot affect me unless I bring it to the now. And there are only two ways in which a past event can affect my now, as far as I can see.
Bringing the Past into the NOW
First I have to call up the memory of it. And as soon as I bring up a memory, I’m bringing up feelings or vibrations with it. And if that memory bothers me, or more correctly, if I let it bother me, then I am creating negative feelings in my NOW. So even though the event is in my past, I am letting it affect my NOW by focusing on it.
And second, if I continue to recall a past event, and I keep worrying about it and stressing about it, then I am essentially creating and sending out a vibration that will draw a similar event to me. If I keep focusing on past negative events, then the universe WILL bring me similar events, whether I want them, or expect them, or not. So focusing on, rehashing, continuously thinking about, or talking about a past that is negative, is guaranteed to bring me more of the same thing in my NOW.
So the obvious next question was, why would I do that? Why would I ever talk about an event from the past that upsets me? Why would I keep bringing it up, or remember it, or lay it out in any way to be recalled? It is in my past. Do I really have to care about it or keep recalling it? And even more important, there is no way I can come close to appreciating or changing what’s in my now, while focusing in the past. Sure, memories pop up all the time, but am I required to dwell on them or rehash them in any way? My whole goal is to feel better, and reliving the kinds of memories that make me feel bad can never allow that to happen.
Bringing the Future into the NOW
And funny enough, I realized it’s exactly the same for imagined future events. If I’m imagining future events that stress me out, how is that doing anything for me? If I feel bad about what I am imagining, then how can I create a better, happier future? Obviously I can’t.
Bringing the NOW into the NOW
Now all of this brought me to the idea of living in the now. The whole concept of living in the NOW has always been a sticking point for me, because I just didn’t like it. It has always just sounded boring and stupid. But as stubborn and unreasonable as I can be on this, I am beginning to see just how important it is. If I choose to focus on the now, then the only vibration I can offer is what I feel in this instant. And just as important, each instant as it happens, is already in the past. So every single instant, I can change my focus and send out a completely new vibration. But only if I’m not stressing about what just happened or what could happen.
So even if I can’t yet live moment by moment in the NOW, I can certainly decide what memories I let rattle around in my head. And I can certainly look around me and find a reason to feel good, and then do it again, and again, and again. And if, in order to do that, I choose to never talk about or focus on a past event that made me feel negative, what does it hurt? If a memory doesn’t feel good, then at this point and time, there is no reason to hold on to it. Because if I can let it go, then I will never recreate that vibration, so won’t draw a similar experience into my life again.
When rehashing memories is useful
Now don’t get me wrong! Memories are a many and wonderful thing and a part of my life that won’t likely go away, nor do I want them to. But what I am noticing is that as my vibration rises and I feel better, some memories can resurface without bringing the negative with them. They seem to have lost their impact! Which is when I know I can rehash that memory and either improve how I feel about it even more, or gain an insight that completely changes my perspective, if I choose to. And I can do this by either using the ladder technique, or just letting the realization that it doesn’t bother me as much sink in. Hell I don’t have to do anything but bask in the knowledge that it doesn’t bother me as much anymore, and leave it at that!
I’ve started to focus on whether or not recalling a past event is stressing me out and dragging my emotions through the mud. If it is, I’m not at the right level to deal with it and it’s not serving me in any way. It’s creating a vibration from a past event that is only making me feel bad and drawing similar vibrations to me in my now. But what’s better, is that by not rehashing those negative memories, I’ve noticed that the negative feelings they used to bring up just seem to start fading away. Who’da thunk it!?
So I’ve decided that my memories only have power if I give them power. They may be stuck in my brain, but I don’t have to keep going over them. Trying to fix myself by dwelling on them and rehashing and trying to see the why of what I did, or what was done to me usually makes me feel bad. But if I just think in LOA terms and realize that this process sucks in the feel good department, I can eliminate a huge negative factor in my life by not doing it. Feeling bad isn’t doing me any good when I dwell there, EVER! And how much easier is that!!! 😉
I love this stuff!!!!!
Thanks for this great post !
Fond memories can be dragged in future but the baggage of worse memories should be left off in the past.
You make some good points. Someones attitude about these situations can either make or break them and thinking about past outcomes does not necessarily predict future ones. Anything is possible. By the way, the separation was neither of our choices but a company decision. I guess what will be will be but it is tough when neither party wants the change and can’t do anything about it. Some things are just out of our control. Thanks for your reply.
I completely understand!
I’m ex military, and there was often no choice in where and when we went and whether family got to come. And unlike many jobs, you don’t have the option to just quit whenever you want once you sign up!
So for you, all I can recommend is focus on what you want to have happen, and only that! Forget the norms or common outcomes. They don’t apply unless they are your focus.
Best of luck for you.
This is from the Abe forum and pretty much a summary of what we’ve been talking about. Perhaps you’ve already seen it. It is quite short: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hATtG8boS_4
It really hits home. Very nice exchange.
Yes! I had watched it before, but seeing it again was even better! Always something that just clicks each time. And once again it was all about where your focus is…positive or negative. And trying to fix the negatives by focusing on them repeatedly really doesn’t work!
My only question to anyone is why we keep doing it when it doesn’t work? I couldn’t give you a good reason why I did it, but I am so glad I can now see an alternative!
I know, right? why do we do it??????? It is how the brain works, unfortunately for us, BUT, fortunately for these wonderful teachings that, as you say, point to the alternative which we must focus on so as not to go nuts or flog ourselves- two things teachings and even logic say we should not do. But the brain has a mind of its own and we can live with it if we knew how best to do it. Thanks, Nay!
I have been dealing with this very thing this week. The memories from my childhood just pop up as flashbacks, but they affect me more now than when I was a kid. As a kid, I was able to soothe and comfort myself and move past what happened rather quickly. There were tears from the pain on my body and I still had to live with the parent who did it and all her emotional turmoil that came out on her children. I did think of running away, but that would have been far worse at such a young age. I was probably depressed so young due to this. For a childhood, it was depressing, yet I still managed to have fun and play, despite the circumstances. There was nowhere to turn for comfort or love, requirements in childhood for a foundation on which to build your life, but I did have myself (my higher self) who took care of that.
And I still do. Cognitive behavioral therapy does not work in these cases because you keep going over the memories and that does not help. And you can drug yourself all you want, yet those memories will still be there. Instead, soothing yourself and affirming your awesomeness does. These are the basic tools to deal with gaps created in the past from traumatic situations, and pretty much all bad memories that creep up. You can still build your emotional life in adulthood, but it takes longer.
Wow, there is just so much flow, it is amazing. Not that is was not there before, it always was, but I am so much more conscious of it!
I have read and heard more of this topic from several sources today. Here is what Randy Gage had to say: “The space you occupy in the world is in direct proportion to the value you offer others, the mindset you offer it with, and what you believe you deserve. The moment you understand and accept that – is the most important success breakthrough you will ever have. Because this is the moment you move on from victim-hood, leave behind blame, and take responsibility for your own destiny”.
This is very moving, indeed. He and everyone is so right and I know it so well. It is just that the brain keeps us where we are, you know, and brings us down, keeping us prisoner, so staying at that high vibrational state is so important. The brain is what causes anxiety. It is the body’s response to what the brain is babbling about. It is exhausting, at least for me. The brain is my servant, yet it seems to be running things at times- no good. Ahh! So, everytime that happens, I just so something of a high vibration and it goes away, thank goodness.
And imagination is the other key. When younger, Imagination was what kept me going and, looking back, I manifested all those things I imagined and pretended to do a decade or so later. 😉
I was much the same; an unhappy child pretty early on. Yet unlike you, I can’t put my finger on any major reason for it. But as a child, you do let yourself play and move on a lot easier most of the time. Not always, but more often than as an adult. Maybe because you are not told to “grow up” and “be realistic” when you’re a child… 😉
And I like your “build your emotional life,”‘ or at least rebuild it into what you would rather have. I often wonder if it’s more difficult because we think it’s supposed to be, or because we have built up so much resistance by the time we are adults? I guess it doesn’t really matter, as long as I know that I, and only I, can do the changing. As Mr. Gage says in his quote, it’s when we take responsibility for our own destiny that things really change.
And I know as I started making my transition into a happier place, I remember feeling that disconnect with this very thing. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of being responsible for my destiny, or even what that meant I guess. But somewhere in there it clicked. And funny enough, I listened to Melody’s interview, which she mentions in the next blog, and they mention how often we understand something intellectually, but until a viceral understanding comes, it’s hard to allow it to happen.
And to me, this means when you no longer say, “Yes that makes perfect sense, but…” When it’s no longer an idea you are exploring and can agree with, but a fact that you accept. What I have yet to do is put my finger on just when or why or how that happened. Now, not everything LOA became crystal clear, but the fact that my destiny is in my hands, or more correctly in my minds way of thinking, was just suddenly very obvious.
Thanks A., for another lovely quote!
I just wanted to say that that’s an amazing post!! 😀 I regretted so many things I did in the past over and over again and thinking about them made me feel so bad that sometimes I just wished to go back in time and do it all over again. But of course that’s not possible ^^ But it doesn’t even matter anymore because I’ve learned so much from those negative experiences and it’s somehow good to be where I am^^
And Nay, your post is really helpful!! Thanks a lot! 😀
Go Johanna, go Johanna!!!
I am so glad you like the post. And what you say here is what I always want to do…learn from past events. I’ve just found for me, that if I don’t feel good while reviewing something, I’m wasting my time. I do so much better when I’m focused on just feeling the best I can right now, and usually in a general, non-specific way. Going backwards or forward would just drag me down more often than not. And this from someone who hated the idea of ‘living in the now!’ 🙂
But I am learning and going with the flow of feeling better. Maybe in another few months I’ll be all over rehashing memories, because I’ve found some way of doing it that works for me!!! 😆
And I am so glad
Nay, my compliments. You are shaping up to be a fine guide. I assume you are the same Nay who was talking about a thermostat in a previous article of this blog. If that is correct then I must tell you that I find your ability to grasp and absorb rather outstanding!
I’d love to read how you understand and apply the ladder technique. I understand it intellectually but I find it difficult to apply it successfully in real life.
You say “[…]smoke floating around the room as my brain began to sizzle with new thought after new thought[…]
So I have to ask. Do you think it’s our brain that thinks or do thoughts come from our mind (somewhere outside of the brain-and body) and brain is just the manifestation of our mind having these thoughts? This confuses me a lot. Melody, those questions are for you too to answer, I find it difficult to imagine a picture of how our vibration is emitted and from where. They remain words that I cannot yet anchor to my perception of reality and that must change.
Yep, one and the same Nay. And just so you know, the thermostat thing was the start of my change, and your input was integral and made a huge difference! You helped me see that I was so caught up in feeling sorry for myself that I wasn’t doing anything to change how I felt. And that I was more worried about what my husband thought and felt than how I felt. And since it wasn’t making me happy, why was I still doing it?!
And thank you so much for the compliment! All I will say is I only grasped and absorbed one thing…what I think about determines what I experience. That is it. And like I said, you helped me figure out that I had to change how I felt, by no longer feeling sorry for myself…or feeling helpless, by thinking in a whole new way. Huge, huge step, but it was the start. So thank you again!!!
Now, you ask the question about the brain and where thoughts come from. I find my answer is, does it matter either way? At one time I would have been all over the question and tried to analyze it and dig into which is the right answer. But now, I won’t do it. Why? Because if I decide one way, that would be my choice, and therefore my truth. It wouldn’t make it your truth. Remember, truth is what we make it. Especially, especially!!! on things that we don’t and can’t have a definitive answer for in this point in time. I could find no way to prove my truth to you, so what would be the point. Now I can totally enjoy exploring both sides of it, but I am no longer willing to try to prove my way of thinking about it.
The real question is, which one makes you feel the best? Which option would feel better to you? Do you like the idea of the brain producing all thought, or something outside of us (mind/superconsciousness) giving us the thought? And this is where you are in a quandry. You want a definitive answer so you can wrap your thinking around it and make it yours, and then start using it to change your perception. Which is great, because it’s what we do. But when you can’t find that perfect answer, it frustrates you. And that brings us right back to how I got where I am.
How you decide to think about something, and therefore feel about something, will determine everything. Questioning is so important. But questioning in frustration and/or doubt just brings you more of that. So instead of asking questions that frustrate you because you don’t have the answer, think of what answer would make you feel the best. And don’t get caught up in trying to prove that to anyone else either. Once again, it wouldn’t matter.
I guess what I’m trying to say is the answers are not as important as the way you feel. For me that is it. I will never have everything figured out, and that no longer pisses me off. Yeah some questions can drive me bonkers too. But now I can see that by being frustrated I am not doing anything to help myself, so I let those questions go if I can’t feel good about them.
Really look at what you want when you are looking for answers. How many scientists have come up with a solution, an answer that was considered THE answer and used for years, only to have someone else come along and prove that answer was not truly correct? It’s happened more times than we can probably say. And because this has happened over and over again in our history, can we say that all answers are only tentative proofs, or dare I say obsolete? I guess if you want to you could. But instead of that, why not consider that an answer is nothing but a stepping stone to the next answer, the next truth, and what that answer is doesn’t matter as much as using it to make the next step.
And I know, I am no stupendous logical thinker, so can’t claim my above comments as hugely insightful, but can you see what I am saying? We each have to find our answer to questions that often can’t be proved, except to ourselves. So the only logical thing to my thinking is, which answer do I want? Which one will make me happiest? Find your answer…the one that resonates with you. Which feels right? And if it feels right to you, who can tell you it’s wrong if they can’t prove otherwise? And even better, that answer is not the end all be all. It is just an answer. It is just a choice. And you can always change your choice as you grow and change.
Last year, I was depressed and that was it. That was the answer I had for how I felt. It didn’t make it the only answer, or the final answer. It was the answer I chose. I was thinking in a way that depressed me. This year, I have found a new answer. Now my answer is to always try to think in a way that feels better, in anything and everything that I can. I look for the answer that feels good, and I look for the explanation that I like and can use to make me feel good. If you can think a thought, and it feels good, that is all that matters. That is my key. And the more I try to do just that, the better I feel.
And yes, I could go on and on, but I figure I’ve already overdone it, so will stop there. But please, Tony, forget finding THE answer. Find the answer that feels right, that makes you feel the better. It doesn’t mean that you are stuck with it forever. It just means you have settled into a thought and feeling that feels right to YOU!
And I have to think about the vibration thing a bit. Because I totally understand how that isn’t an easy thing to understand because you can’t really see it, or touch it, or even measure it. But I’ll work on a reply! And I hope Melody gets one to you, but I know she’s busier and busier and isn’t getting to answer everything anymore.
Wow! Nay, what a beautiful response to Tony’s question to you.
What you share and in the way you talk about it is so beautifully written/express. I find your input so valuable, so it is with all here. Always brings a different perspective, even though they (title of posts) are not the focus of whats going on in our lifes ‘ at the moment’ , that we want to fix or feel better about (I feel as though I’m stating the obvious, but lets just say its not obvious, 😉 ), which brings me to my point.
My focus at the moment are finding anwers to niggling questions, the more I’m searching the frustating it gets, but like you rightly said; go with what feels right, what feels good, what resonates with YOU, there is no right answer, it’s not the be all and end all, I would never get it all figured out, it’s a choice, which may later change, but at least you’ve moved on from; being stagnated and frustrated.
I think the problem with me, is I want to get it right the first time, with most things in my life, when really, it’s best to try what feels right, like you said it might lead me to the next answer, next truth a stepping stone.
Thank you…you have inspired me !
…..Melody has said it many times over ( my interpretation anyway), with everything, situation, circumstances, always listen, pay attention or FOCUS on how you’re feeling; good feelings and go with it, if it doesn’t feel right, find something that shifts those feelings, even if it was just for a moment. I also read somewhere, ‘ A good idea will always feel sweet on arrival, and a bad idea will feel bad on arrival. Act accordingly! ‘…I realised after typing this, I’m talking to myself and I hope to those it makes sense to…
What you write and say is just as important as anything I write. And if it’s just for yourself, that’s just as well. And even more, what you write is the positive side of your thinking. You see a way that inspires you and you share it, so I have no doubt someone else will benefit just because you shared.
If you look back at some of my comments on other posts you can see that I am just as easily caught up in doing it right the first time, and having all the answers. It’s a habit we got from who knows where. But I am learning that there isn’t just one way or one answer. And the relief is astounding!
Just keep being inspired in any way you can that feels good and right for you!!!
“But please, Tony, forget finding THE answer”
Don’t worry, I think I have learned a small lesson in this process.. and that is not to exhaust my energy, obsessing with absolutes and going on quests that lead me to insanity.
I’m very curious about the mind because I have experienced some things lately that were far beyond my imagination and I would never expect them to happen. A part of my life vanished like it had never existed and after the initial shock , at the point I thought I was losing my mind with none responding, I found an untold serenity and peace of mind. Even memories of the time I discovered my eyelashes touching them with my hands when I was a baby in the cradle came up.
I can so relate to the quests that lead to insanity!!!! It was my normal practice when I was trying to find a way to feel better. But I am learning that it doesn’t have to be a negative exploration with huge fears and expectations. Which I have to say is so much better!!
You say you’ve had an ‘interesting’ mind experience and I am jealous!!! 😆 I’ve always wanted to have some unexplainable mind thing that proved to me that there was more than what ‘is’ in my reality!!! I studied self help books, and some psychology and have about a dozen books on expanding the mind, training the mind, etc, etc. Nothing extraordinary has yet happened to me! Well, beside my leap into a much better place… 🙂
And I am still thinking about the ladder technique and vibrations. I understand and can relate to the vibration thing, but can see the how it can be difficult too. My billboard post shared some of that, but I think I could come up with more. I just need to think about it. And I don’t think I do the ladder technique in quite the way it was presented by Melody. I think what I do is more like word association and positive rants. But that would be a huge comment, and mine our big enough as it is!!!
I do think it’s important to explore them and let the emotions and programming go around them. Because whether you think your giving them power or not they are still there in your subconscious having an effect.
Exploring them to let them go and transform them is valuable, but then you can move onto better things. I agree not to dwell on them for too long.
I can’t disagree with you because I still think doing that can be beneficial. But I will say I believe that you don’t HAVE to do it. Understand, I used to think that I did. But the post above was my exploring and explaining how not doing that is what released so much of my constant anxiety and sadness.
I couldn’t explore and think about many past events without my feelings taking a dive. And I truly believe that once I stopped trying to fix me in that way, many of those memories stopped having the impact.
But each of us has to figure out which method works best for us. I have no doubt there are many who can do this and do it very well, because they don’t get mired in the negative emotions of the past. I just finally figured out that I had the habit of letting the past control my emotions more than I realized, so had to approach it differently. And it worked exceedingly well for me!
a) A great point Nay. Start your own blog YOU can profit from. You got the confidence here. You can fly now.
b) Time or LOA?:
Hmm. Well considering you’re in mother phase Nay, it’s hard to say if this is part of the natural healing process; or really LOA.
You are a mother. Women go like this: maiden, mother, wise woman, crone (in nature philosophies)
Maiden may not have as easy a time. The maiden Nay could read this and still struggle. Things are too fresh. PTSD goes like that as well.
Time heals all wounds. Twenty years of time. You said you were working on all this for a while, long before LOA.
Is this LOA or just time healing all wounds?
c) Tell this to anybody in the psychology industrsy that is prescribed by society as the accepted healing path.
WE are not yet able to dismiss it, LOA is still in the woo-woo stage and people are forced into these things.
I know a medical doctor is not right for me. But if I don’t use one, and I end up in hospital, there won’t be much sympathy for me. Do you get what I’m saying?
As far as psychology and the standard healing prescribed by society, people that don’t go through memories etc are in “denial” and if you try to claim something like :”I was (insert huge event like torture or rape), but I am happy.”
People will say you are in denial, nutcase. It’s not something those people can ignore, because family isn’t that easy to dismiss. They will try to drag you down for your own benefit.
As you happily skip and water some flowers; they shake their heads sadly “look at that poor soul! Never got over it, did she, mad as a hatter!’
And that’s how it will be. You aren’t happy, they say that’s denial. And the fighting about not being in denial is when you braing up bad memories, cry and then well…they got what they wanted.
Just watch out for those dreams.
Also in mother stage you are far away from those holding a counter-vibration for you.
Do you understand what I mean by that?
While one can strive to hold a high vibration for themselves, others outnumber holding up a broken one. Slowing down the process, as they focus hard on you being broken.
So as you struggle, not yet stable in happiness, they keep you there, seeing you struggle, mirror it with their impressions & thoughts of you.
And if you need to get help in the process, every person that helps you uses the old model. Therefore helping you as a broken person. That adds to your pain.
Thanks for the plug! My husband wants me to blog too, but I guess I’m just not ready…fear, indecision, worry…who knows. But I really have no desire as of yet to do my own blog. I just know I enjoy when I do this here, and am running with it. (Maybe it’s because all I have to do is write my thoughts and give my opinion, which we know is just soooo difficult, while Melody does all the background work. 😉 )
And yes, I have wondered about the time factor and how much better I feel. Have I just figured out enough over time that it’s finally sinking in? I have no doubt that it plays a part because I have so many tools to use rattling around in my head. And now, some of them make twice as much sense! And it’s quite possible I could have gotten this LOA info when I was younger and it wouldn’t have made a dent in my problems because it wasn’t time yet.
But I also know that it happened damned fast when I started using LOA, so I really don’t care in the long run! It works, and is continuing to work for me. In fact it is expanding exponentially when I continue to practice it.
As for the phases, I figure all of us are the maiden, mother, wise woman and crone, at all times in our lives. To a child, I would be mother, wise woman and/or crone. To my mother and father I will be the maiden, mother, and maybe the wise woman. And I know I have felt like all of them, and felt the lack of all of them at times!! I guess what I mean is it depends on the position from which I am being looked at, or that I am looking from, if that makes sense.
‘…poor soul…mad as a hatter!’ Hahahahahaha! 😆 I could hear and see that in my head so clearly!
You make a point that I can truly see, but I also can counter to some degree. Yes, when I lived at home, I was dealing with my depression, and blamed a lot of it on my family, because I considered them at least half of my probem. But I left home and wasn’t around family for most of the rest of the time that I dealt with my bouts of depression. And because I suck at keeping in touch with family, I didn’t have much feedback from them while I was gone.
And just as a note, my family has a history of depression, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, autism and schizophrenia. Talk about a stacked deck!!! I knew about the depression and ADD/ADHD, but not about the rest until about 6 years ago. So I could say that I was predisposed to have issues. But since things have changed for me, I’m really starting to rethink that.
But to continue from above, I never stayed in one place for more than 4 years at a time, with 3 years being the norm, so was never around a steady source of negative feedback, or as you say, those who saw the old model of me. It was me, my way of thinking that kept me down. So yes, others can drag you down, but for me that wasn’t the case.
And I knew it was me, my way of thinking, but couldn’t seem to change it. But again, it was because I was always trying to rehash the past so I could “figure it out/fix it.” In fact, now that you mention it, I can see that I was focusing on the old model, the broken me, and that’s what kept me there!! And I am just now figuring it out! Thanks!!!
But I am back with family, seeing them on a regular basis. They still can effect me more than I like but that’s another area I am working on. I have to work at seeing them in better ways, because I keep holding them to their old models too (that is such a perfect way to word it!). It’s working to some degree, and sometimes it’s not working at all. But it is working enough for me to notice to small degrees. Mostly in my mother, but also a little bit in one of my sisters and my kids.
So keep practicing! It sound like you are moving up the ladder and stepping out of the old model! But just as important, don’t hold others to their old model. Just focus on how good you want to feel, despite everyone else around you. Sure they will be there in your face and pretty hard to miss. But they can’t hold you down as you keep improving your vibration. And let my experience help you. I wasn’t around anyone that could hold me to the old model, and still stayed down. So it was something in me, and had nothing to do with others around me. What I was thinking is what decided everything. And now, changing my thinking is what has “changed” everything for me.
“While one can strive to hold a high vibration for themselves, others outnumber holding up a broken one”
join the club.. perhaps they mirror our own laziness to think. They just express the discomfort of their cognitive dissonance. In their subconscious they have labelled you as broken and what they see does not fit what they expect. We humans have to make a prediction and we don’t give a shit if the input is incorrect and out of date. In a way, they force us to behave according to their beliefs in order not to experience pain. We sense that it was our change that triggered their pain and even though we intellectually understand it’s not our fault, our brain calculates it’s easier to change our behavior than experience the aftermath. Which mirrors a belief that we expect them to be lazy thinkers and this perpetuates by resisting those thoughts and -> manifesting them into our reality.
Perhaps we expect them to behave the way we would behave in that level of consciousness so I guess that tells something about us, too.
Best wishes. I couldn’t do that with my family and I always wished they could trust me the way I trusted them when I allowed them to fill my brain with bullshit. Although it didn’t work for me (I started experiencing those moments in slow motion, seeing the code but feeling overwhelmed until my brain stopped working in linear time-unable to change that belief), I wish you the best. Please consider that my subconscious is full of images of myself surrendering to their will so it was a bit difficult to convince it otherwise. In your case it might be different
I haven’t lived with family for nearly a decade now. It’s enough just to have them on the phone, or others, because of needing financial help.
Also people do it while not being in the same house. If they talk about you and your situation regardless of how many years ago, it adds to the energy.
Thank you Nay and Melody for this post on rehashing memories. So true when we rehash them and they bring up negative and painful feelings we should move off and think of more happy memories. It only brings grief and rehashing them only feeds them.
I remember an incident many years ago when I had a memory of feeling publicly humilated and ignored. Even 5 or 10 years later when I thought of the memory I would have a tight, weepy feeling in my chest and didn’t know how to get passed it.
Years later, a situation came up where we were purging and getting rid of stuff and I came across some old cassette tapes I had purchased long ago from around when that event happened. They were good tapes and I didn’t want to just throw them away with the hope they could help someone else.
I did some research and found a contact to ask about donating those old cassette tapes and found myself scheduling a face-to-face meeting. We met and talked about old times and the content of those old tapes. My contact wasn’t the direct person involved in my event but evidently close enough for my feelings of its memories to be released and healed. Now, whenever I think about it I have no tightening in my chest or weepiness.
I think it’s a good status check to allow ourselves to think about those old, unpleasant memories but only as a measurement to see where we’re at with them and if we’ve learned and grown enough to face them. If they’re still too painful, it’s not time and we’re not ready and move on. The Universe has a way of reminding us when and what we still have stuff to work on.
‘…a good status check…’ That is perfect! Realizing that there is a time when we can go into a memory and benefit from it, and a time when reliving that memory isn’t doing us any good is so important. And our measuring stick on our vibrational level is our feelings as we explore it.
And I like what Jim Case said above, how it could be that our inner being often nudges us in the direction that is best for us, if we pay attention. If trying to feel better about a memory is something you have to force, and work at over and over again, it’s probably not time yet. You may just need to improve your vibration just that little bit more. And once you do, your inner being will re-introduce an event in a way that allows you to see it differently, and release all of your resistance to it, or maybe just a little of your resistance.
Thank you Pat, for another way to use memories as a tool to benefit our vibration instead of define our vibration. 🙂
Hi Nay and Melody 🙂
Excellent explanation of what thinking about bad past memories over and over does to us.
As I was reading this I couldn’t help thinking about women that have been rapped, for example. We can say that they are two types of such women. There the ones who don’t let the rape affect the rest of their lives, because they decide consciously to forget, or at least they don’t bring this bad memory to mind everyday. They try to go on with their lives.
And then, you have the other group. The women who can’t seem to get over it because all they can think about is this terrible experience that happened to them.
Of, course, I’m aware that’s easier said than done, but while the rape happened only once, they make it happen again and again in their heads. No wonder they can’t seem to be able to remove such bad memories.
Thank you for this great reminder.
I spent years trying to fix how I felt by rehashing memories. It never dawned on me that I was just puting my focus on something I didn’t want, and by doing that, was bringing more upsetting things into my life!
And yes the hardest thing was it had become habit to keep reliving and analyzing memories. So trying to stop that habit was very difficult, but well worth the effort! It took much practice, and I still have to work at it in some areas. But it is getting easier. Now when a memory comes up that I can’t seem to feel easy about, I can work my way out of it, maybe not immediately, but much faster than before.
Traumatic experiences are the hardest because so many people feel either blame or helplessness due to the experience. And that is another way of thinking, another habit that has to be changed, so adds a little more work to the equation. But the simplest path I have found is focusing on the best thougths you can, and with practice and time, this overcomes the other habits over time.
I don’t think anyone should speak about this subject casually unless it happened to them.
Just reading stories about it is enough to understand why it causes so much horror. It’s scary enough for me just to know it exists. Let alone happen.
Those people are the bravest women/men I could ever think of. We really shouldn’t act cocky about this or say they should get over it. This also happens, and can happen to men.
Don’t say that unless you are prepared to accept and overcome such an ordeal. I have heard of people being scared by watching disturbing films like “Martyrs” for example. This is just a movie, but it left people with horrible images.
If people can be so badly affected by movies, how can we speak for real life events? This is not something to trivialize.
People might imagine rape as some kind of rough sex, with a good looking stranger. In the fantasy world, it is a fetish. However the reality is nothing like what people think about in their heads. The stranger might attack them, severely hurt, degrade, torture and damage the person. They are most likely unattractive, grotesque and have no respect for human life. It’s not sexy, not fun, and not something easily forgotten.
This is exactly the point that Nay was making with this post. No one is saying that people have to just get over horrible events, from a place of not caring. But the truth is that holding on to past horrors and replaying them over and over again really doesn’t serve us at all. I’ve worked with many clients that identified themselves as survivors of abuse, rape victims, etc. In many cases, they had actually cleared a great deal of the abuse and simply (not easily) needed to give themselves permission to move on. It’s not something you can do when the incident is fresh, but when you’ve been living with it for years, there comes a time when you do have to let go and tell a different story. Otherwise, you may no longer be vibrating anywhere near rape victim, but still be seeing yourself that way. That’s not helpful.
This is not the same advice I’d give to someone who has just experienced a trauma. But this post is about the past.
No one here has trivialized trauma. But if you have had some, reliving it over and over again does not help. Not even a little. And using past traumas to justify limitations and negative emotions really, REALLY doesn’t help.
Hey Jack Jack Jackie,
I’m sorry you saw the comments in such a way, but I have NO DOUBT that Silviane’s comment was not meant in any way to trivialize any past trauma, and I know my response did not either. My past issues are what inspired this post. None of them are trivial as far as I am concerned! But reliving them was not doing me any good. It was only keeping me in the past and feeling very unworthy.
And that defeats any movement towards improving my life. So yes, there are some horrible things that people have to deal with. But when they are in the past yet still having a large emotional impact on the person, sometimes the best thing to do is to stop bringing them into the present by continually reliving, analyzing, questioning and/or fearing them.
And thank you Melody for jumping in!! Sometimes what comes across isn’t what is intended at all!
There was nothing wrong with what you or Melody said. My reply was aimed at, and underneath the comment of Sylviane Nuccio.
What Sylviane Nuccio does not understand, is that with PTSD, you don’t CHOOSE to go over certain events. They come up by themselves in flashbacks and other subconscious ways.
Her comment is ignorant and lacking empathy.
Jack, Jack, Jackie,
Let me step in really quick again. I totally agree with you that flashbacks/PTSD are very different, and cannot be dealt with so easily. But this post is aimed more towards when someone is rehashing a memory and they are ‘aware’ enough to actually stop themselves and look for something else to think about, no matter what the experience.
With that in mind, please realize that everybody’s opinions, including yours, on any subject are valid even when they disagree. But please try not to criticize when you don’t agree. For all we know, she may have been through just such a traumatic experience, and something about this post allowed her to see a way to help herself. And that may be what her comment is about, without puting her experience on display, yet still feeling the comfort of being able to express her insight.
I agree with you and had similar experience. When I focus on feeling better, sometimes good insights on past events
would come to me all of a sudden and make me speechless. Hehe. Love that feeling!
That feeling is what has me still expanding and exploring more and more of LOA! Because it more than works. Because it is making my life more of what I thought life should be like!
I am in a dilemma. I have gone through the Radical Forgiveness exercises and see my past from a different perspective. However, I would now like to write about my life experience and share the life lessons I learned. Is there a danger of undoing the progress I made by going back to recount the actual stories that made my present state possible?
It would be just great if you could write and share your life experience with others, so they can learn and embrace as you have!
And I only have one answer that I hope will help at least a little. The ONLY WAY you could undo progress is if while writing, you begin to experience the same negative emotions you had before. In my mind, the key to everything, is how you feel about what you are doing or thinking. If you can write the stories and experiences without feeling terrible, then there is no danger. But if you start going down the negative road, you may need to stop, at least for a little while.
But from the sounds of it, you have already made peace and no longer have the same feelings about those experiences. This doesn’t mean there may not be residual feelings at some points. But if you can recognize the effect they are having on you while you are writing, you may just be able to discover another insight and clear it out!!!
So in essence, trust how you feel and you can’t do it wrong!
How about circumstances when people do not want to separate but are forced to because of different situations such as job relocations. At first they always say it will work out but the distance almost always ends the relationship for them.
I feel your struggle with this one because have had to deal with separation due to the job. But a couple of points for you to think about. This is something that is hard for you to accept because the way you think of separation (bad) is the holding point. Remember, just because something is a norm, or is common, or even a truth, does not make it the only truth.
There are those who have separated and come back together and been fine. There are those whose relationship is based on long periods of separation, and they just take it in stride. It does not have to be seen as a disaster waiting to happen. How you view it will determine the outcome.
And if it’s happened to you before, that’s when the ‘not rehashing past events’ will be extremely important. The past does not equal or define the future, but your feelings about it will have a huge impact! So stressing about how it went before, would be counterproductive. Instead how do you want to feel, about the relationship and the separation? And no focusing on what you DON”T want because that does not improve anything. What do you want to feel, period, without any buts or focus on the how it will come about.
And last, remember that there is always a choice. It sucks but the fact is the separation would only happen if both of you choose to keep your jobs (if I understood your comment correctly). I know how harsh that sounds but it’s not meant to be. It’s meant to keep your mind open to all possibilities and choices.
Thanks for this lovely post. My reaction to my memories is something I’ve had difficulty understanding and dealing with for a while now, and this has given me a new perspective, which will help me get rid of a lot of rubbish I’ve been trailing around with. Once agaain, thanks for your insights! Much love xx
I was in the same boat as you most of my life. My memories had such a huge impact on how I felt almost daily, and I couldn’t figure out why or how to change it. To start feeling better and finally have the insight that I didn’t have to keep dragging myself through hell was HUGE!!!
I truly hope you will drop that ‘rubbish’ and start looking for the better thoughts and feelings that you deserve.
Love your post! So on target. What I would contribute, from my experience, is when the past shows up in your now, and it’s filled with negative energy, you are experiencing how far from your Higher Self’s viewpoint of you you were AT THAT TIME. There are a couple things here- its is up now to show you how far you’ve come because something you are doing NOW is paralleling that old experience. And, by NOT focusing on that negative energy, and intentionally redirecting your focus you allow yourself to see a potentially powerful limiting belief that can assist you to take your NOW to a whole new level! By not indulging the negative energy you allow your higher self to bring the clarity forward for your review. I have found that these are some of the most powerful “light bulb moments”! GREAT, GREAT post! Thank you!
Jim, I think you nailed it. While everything in my life doesn’t go as perfectly as I would like, I am finding more and more that looking back doesn’t make me sad. Rather, it drives home the perspective that I’m not in that place anymore–physically, emotionally, or spiritually. It’s getting fun to look back and think “Wow! Look how far I’ve come since I decided I was going to be proactive and really see what the principles of LOA can do in my life! All the little things really add up, and the difference between the past and now is very stark. And then I think, “Well, then, let’s keep going!”
“Keep moving forward.” ~ Walt Disney
It is so awesome to hear that you are sharing the experience of change, and seeing it so blatantly! I know I am loving it more and more. 😉 And those little views of ‘how far I’ve come’ is what allowed me to stop trying to ‘fix’ the ones that I still stressed about. If I can’t look back in joy, then I don’t look back…because I sooo much want to keep moving forward.
Thank you so much for sharing and broadening my perspective, and most likely everyone elses too.
That makes so much sense!!! I think about my inner self, but often forget that the distance between myself and my inner being is reflected in my feelings. Sooo important! And I love this; ‘…NOT INDULGING THE NEGATIVE ENERGY…’ That’s pretty much what I have learned to practice, and like you, some of my biggest light bulb moments happen when I practice just that!
Thank you for that additional insight, and I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂
Wonderful post Nay! And the pic is very appropriate.
And, as MC says above, gratitude is of utmost importance, as are compassion and, of course, detachment. Now we are talking higher levels! Wowzers
Thanks Hey Just call me A!
Yep Melody does pick some awesome pics. The little girl’s expression…priceless! 🙂
These do seem to be higher levels of understanding, but not as far away as I first thought. The whole key was just feeling better. As I continue it just keeps getting better and easier. And the gratitude and compassion, as well as detachment seem to come along for the ride once I hit a certain happy factor!
As I told MC, I just didn’t realize that’s what was happening or what I was doing for myself. But it is, and the ‘wowzer’ factor is still hitting me!
Excellent post! Dealing with hurts from the past can be difficult and complicated. I love your insight that neither past nor future exist, and we can be as joyful as we want in the now, and bring more and more joy into our lives. Yes!
A small example to illustrate a shift I’ve made, thanks to Melody and LOA: There’s an event in my past that was so traumatic that seeing, hearing, or thinking about it triggered an immediate full blown panic attack. I learned to push the thought into an empty room in my mind, and close and lock tight the door. That way I could function in the present, but the thought kept recurring once a month or so.
What I’ve learned is to accept the thought or image with compassion. Yes, this happened. Denial was if anything multiplying the pain. Then, with utmost compassion, I release the thought with a prayer of thanks that the event is over, and that I am living a joyful, fulfilled life. (If someone had died, I would send joy and love to their spirit.)
For years, the notion of compassion with detachment fascinated me, but I couldn’t reconcile the two. Now, I get it. We can embrace everything, yes everything, with compassion. The secret is to then release it, to send it on its way with love. It’s actually detachment that makes compassion possible in the everyday world. Otherwise, we’d be overwhelmed with emotion.
Thank you again, Nay, for a beautiful post! I hope you are enjoying a lovely Sunday. Hugs,
Hi Mary Carol!
Perfect example! You amaze me with how much you can change something that has affected you for so long, and then put it into a simple example of what to do and how you did it!
And yes, compassion is HUGE, especially for yourself. I didn’t even realize that I was feeling compassion for myself in past events, until you put it here.
Great post Nay. It was extremely helpful a it makes a lot of sense 🙂 Thank you and Melody for this. I have a question that is somewhat related to this subject. It would be great if Melody, you and anyone who would like to help can give me so answers:-) . what better feeling thoughts can one think when your partner leaves you or decide to start dating other people after a long term relationship? how can one see this situation differently, in a way that feels better without letting it affect your self worth and going into self blame? how can one take responsibility without seeing it and feeling it as your fault. Also, how can you appreciate the person no matter what? i m trying to appreciate him but it feels sad and hard. can I appreciate something instead and have the same shift of vibrations ? Thank you in advance
Everything Jim Case said! 🙂 But of course I’ll try to add, because my whole post was very much tied to relationships, even though I didn’t get specific. So I can understand your pain and frustration!
First and foremost, the only thing you can ever take responsibility for is your feelings. Your thoughts determine your feelings, and you can shift your thoughts, therefore shift your feelings. And that is what LOA is all about. Feelings are a legitimate and integral part of who you are, and should never be denied or judged. But they are the one area where you can accept responsibility. Because they can be changed, by you, and only you! That’s the point of responsibility you need to look at. You are not ever responsible for a relationship working or failing in the sense that you didn’t do something right, therefore must take responsibility for the failure. Another person’s responses and actions are not your responsibility, or your fault. Really accept this and know this!!
So the only thing you want to do is look at what happened and how you feel. ‘If this happened, and I don’t like how it made me feel, what would I rather have happen? How would I rather feel?’ And sometimes you can immediately change how you think or feel about something, and sometimes it’s not that easy. And this is where your other question comes in.
YES, YES, YES you can appreciate something different and shift your vibration!!!! In fact, I would make that my primary recommendation to anyone! That is what brought me to write the above post. I began feeling better in so many things, by just looking for ways to feel better in general. And the shift happened across the board. So you DO NOT have to think about past events, or dwell on them, or try to make any situations feel better, in order to shift them. If you keep your focus on positive things, your vibration will improve in all things!
It’s like a forced air heater in the house. It’s only blowing out of vents in certain areas of the house, but it’s still heating the rest of the house. It’s not focused, but it’s still affecting the space around it despite that lack of focus. And if you turn it up higher and leave it on, the house becomes boiling hot. And as far as I am concerned, you are exactly the same. If you stay focused on always looking for any way to feel better, on looking for thoughts that feel better, and you just keep doing it, your whole life vibration is affected!
Now in your situation, if this is a recent event you will have sad and hard feelings. Don’t fight with them or deny them. The best thing you can do is accept them, for a little while. But DO NOT dwell there, because it becomes habit. Trust me on this!!! Give yourself a little time, but if it’s been months, it is most likely time to start shifting your thoughts. And it IS a shifting process. You MUST start shifting your focus and looking for any thoughts or things that make you feel even just a little better. If you can do it with thoughts that tie to the relationship, great! But if you can’t, and it’s likely in this you won’t be able to, then it is imperative that you think of or do something else that improves how you feel. This is the harder, yet most important thing in all of this LOA practice. You have to force yourself to do this.
And I wish I could give you the thoughts, but better feeling thoughts can’t be GIVEN to you because only you know what thoughts will feel better to you. But, my examples would be, getting busy, thinking about things you enjoy, looking at the beauty around you, or I would just completely escape and start reading. But those are what I do. What can shift you away from feeling sad? And as Melody has posted before, if you can get angry, DO!!! Let that anger run through you. It is its own form of release and a step up from depression and sadness. And once that has passed, again, turn back to what feels better. And please, please don’t stop doing this when your thoughts run back to the older sadder thoughts. This will happen because you are changing a habit so must keep doing the new thing to over ride the old thing. This can take a little while or not. But it is a new habit you are working on, so don’t let the old habit make you think it’s not working. Decide you want better thoughts and practice it. It gets easier!!!
And I would not try to appreciate this person if it is difficult or hard. You probably aren’t ready for that. When you shift how you feel in general, for a long enough period, you will start shifting how you feel about the situation, which in time will begin to shift how you feel about the person too. Give it time, without putting your focus on it. When you are feeling pretty good in general, you can look at it again. If you still get really upset when you focus on it, then go back to other things immediately. Give your vibration more time to improve.
Sheesh! This was like another post!! Hope it helps 😉
Thank you so much for making almost another post for me 🙂 great insights and i have to tell you i feel a lot better by reading your words. There goes a shift lol. I am new to this and was a little bit confused so thank you. I also wanted to let you know that the end of this relationship is not recent, it has been,almost two years now. It was a very meaningful relationship to me and I did not wanted to end but I guess he wanted to date other people so i could not force it. However after a while I found myself stuck and wanting the relationship back even when I was not feeling good and respected in it. I have remained stuck and I feel bad to admit it but i do not know what is keeping me like this. I have reocurring dreams of him too. It feels very tiring and frustrating. Thank you.
—– Reply message —–From: “Deliberate Receiving Blog
Great post Nay. loved it. It makes so much sense. I do have a question for Melody, Nay and whoever would like to help. i have been trying to ask Melody but I have been having some issues with my computer and the question never gets through, so I ll post it here hoping to get an answer 🙂 . what thoughts can you think about when your partner leaves you or decides to start dating other people after a long term relationship with you? how can you feel better or see the situation diffetently without going into self blame and letting the experience affect your self esteem? how can you take responsibility without blaming yourself and thinking is your fault. Also, I am trying to appreciate him no matter what but it feels sad and hard. Could i appreciate something else rather than him right now and have the same shift of vibrations? Thank you, any advice and clarity will help.:-)
Hi Stronger! You bring up one of the more challenging contrast situations. Some thoughts: Stay general with your appreciation until it feels better to get more specific. What I mean by that is appreciate the contrast, appreciate the relationship, appreciate the change, appreciate how well you are doing, how strong you are. The thing about relationships; that I think most of us have difficulty accepting, is that what the other person does very rarely has anything to do with us. Any more than what you do has anything to do with them. I know, I know, the first response is “WHAT?!?!?!?!?!” How is that possible? Everything I did was to make him happy, support his career, etc., (insert your dialogue here). In reality you do what you do because it makes YOU feel good, and it is great when the receiver of your energy feels good too! Sometimes I think relationships end when we are no longer being our authentic self. We create the change because we have allowed too much of our SELF to be molded by our partners ideas, thoughts and feelings. So when the relationship changes or ends we are left with negative feelings about ourselves and the situation. Please do not misunderstand me- there is some pain and sadness from the loss, but there should also be joy and appreciation for the great experiences you had together. If you are stuck in the negative try to focus you energy on how you have distanced yourself from your vortex or higher self and work back toward that connection. It is the only one the REALLY matters for you. The energy of the relationship is realigning- for BOTH of you. He created a separation that you were looking for at some level. When relationships end you can look at the degree of your negative reaction as indication of your need to realign and reconnect with yourself. You are an amazing woman, that has not changed or diminished- unless you let it. I think Nay’s post here can also be very helpful to re-directing your energy. Relationships tend to be the most challenging because soooooo much crap has been attached to their success or failure in mass consciousness. Be gentle with yourself!! There is also the shock to your energy system to deal with. Allow that to settle and use your meditation to bring in calmness and peace so you can more effectively work on realigning with your SELF. Thanks for sharing this and the opportunity to respond! Jim @ GOTJOY!
Thank you so much, Jim, for those wise words. they really did help me to achieve some sense of calmness and peace. It is so nice to hear a guy’s perspective on this. I hope I can internalize these words and keep them with me. I often find myself reading and hearing things that resonate within me but then after a while U start doubting myself and the negative emotions return. I am new to Lao but I believe it and Im hoping to get stronger mentally and emotionally. Thank you for your time, I hope I can hear from melody and nay too. Thank you and many blessings.