I’ve got a special treat for you today. KimS, from the comments, sent me an email a couple of weeks ago, and shared a wonderful story with me – how she went from depression to clarity. I was so moved by what she wrote and all the emotion contained within, I decided that I wanted to share her story with all of you. She graciously agreed. Kim manages to demonstrate pretty much every major principle I teach, and she does it with so much enthusiasm and sheer giddiness, I was literally happy-dancing around my office. And now, without further ado, here’s the Awesome KimS:
I have been in a depression for the last week or so – my life is shit, I am unable to manifest anything great, I am mediocre, etc., etc., etc. I even went so far as to promise myself suicide if I fail to change my life this year, fail to accomplish something grand and amazing.
Yesterday, I took a phone call from a recruiter and discussed a job that I know I will hate – the environment is very corporate and I will be wiping executive ass in my role of Admin Assistant. But, the money will be very decent and I know I can do that job very well. They will love me. As soon as I hung up, I thought, “I can’t imagine a worse environment for me”, and then I resigned myself to working in it because I am on the brink of living in my car and my sense of shame is reaching a fatal level.
Yesterday, I resigned myself to living within my current vibration, but I was angry about my defeat, my failure to raise my vibration to something amazing.
Yesterday, I also ran out of coffee and coffee filters, and I have no money to buy more of either.
This morning, I stopped into Subway to splurge on a cup of coffee, and was informed that for the whole month of January, Subway is offering free coffee to all of its customers as a Customer Appreciation gesture. I was amazed and so happy and I totally recognized and acknowledged the hand of the Universe in this gift of abundance. (And this was an inspired stop – after telling myself no, I can’t afford it blah, blah, blah, I changed lanes at the last minute and made the turn into the Subway parking lot.)
This morning, I realized that I have not been raising my vibe, I have been struggling against it. I have been casting judgment about as if it were candy being thrown from a parade float and refusing to acknowledge where I’m at NOW because THIS MOMENT somehow isn’t good enough. I’ve been wanting to get past this moment (judged to be crappy and insufficient) and get on to living my real, consciously manifested life (imagined and judged to be magnificent). And because I have failed to do so, failed to consciously manifest wondrous stuff, I have finally judged myself to be unworthy of even being alive.
I think this judgment of myself is a manifestation of the vibration I have been denying.
So, this morning, as I drink my free coffee – my gift of abundance, I decide to stop struggling against my vibration and to go ahead and live within it. Of course, I can’t help but live within it (duh!), but to go ahead and accept it and stop refusing to acknowledge it. I am here now. There is no other place I can be (mentally, physically, emotionally), yet I am judging this space as harshly as I sometimes judge my past – as if somehow, some way, I should have “known better”. “I know better than this, damn it! Why is my life still crap!”
As I accept this moment and myself and my vibration, I am flooded with true gratitude and joy that I haven’t felt in so long.
I have been watching the movie, “I AM” (written/directed by Tom Shadyac) every night for the last three nights, sometimes more than once in a night. I feel inspired to do this; it’s the only movie I want to see right now. In that movie, when the idea of shaping reality is being discussed, I caught the sentence, “Thoughts don’t do this. It’s emotions that do this.” It’s emotions, heart-waves so to speak, that shape reality, not brain-waves.
I also have started to get a clearer understanding of the way I am shaping my reality, the way we are all shaping our reality. Hold a picture in your mind which causes your heart to feel emotions and then reality responds to the instructions of the heart waves and shapes itself to your emotions – not your thoughts, not your wants, not your desires, hopes, dreams or expectations, your emotions. The heart is not just a meaty organ that feeds the brain, it is the powerhouse behind creation.
The heart is the engine of creation
The heart will create thoughts to match its emotional frequency (thoughts are things). But it seems to me that we can choose to hold thoughts that will create (or reinforce) an emotional frequency, so the heart responds to our minds, as well.
When I had that flash of insight about how everything, EVERYTHING, is thought-made-form, I did not realize that the creative force is not thought itself, but emotion. Everything is thought-made-form through emotion. It feels weird to think of the center of myself as being my heart and not my brain; “I think, therefore I am” isn’t really true, is it? You could say it a million times, but I still did not get it – I am not my thoughts. “I feel, therefore I am”, or maybe, “I feel, therefore I create.”
Yesterday I realized (again) that when I forget to think, I feel happy – beyond happy, even. When I forget to think, I feel … hmm, I do not know the word for ‘happy as God’. 🙂 (Euphoric?)
Creation is not accomplished by the mind, it is not accomplished by the brain. Creation is accomplished by emotion, by passion, by love. Ideas occur in the mind and are brought into reality by emotion. If you don’t feel strongly enough about something, you will not create it. And you absolutely can create something that you dislike.
It’s all about emotion
The ‘reality’ that is being created has nothing to do with STUFF and everything to do with emotional frequency. The stuff that is being created is a direct reflection/manifestation of my emotional frequency. I transmit and receive this frequency at all times. I have a measurable effect on the ‘physical’ world – because of my emotions, not my thoughts. My thoughts are just fluff; until one affects my emotions, it is powerless. My thoughts can be shut down. My emotional frequency is perpetual.
If I combine my frequency with another’s, is the effect magnified? (The bible promises something to the effect of “Whatever two or more of you decide on, it will be made.”)
So, anyway, today I accept that my vibration is what it is. I am probably going to accept a job that I will dislike in order to make money and survive. But the longer I struggle against this and try to “force” my vibration to raise, the more dire my circumstances become. Ignoring my current vibration and trying to force a higher vibration isn’t actually raising my vibration and is, I think, working to the opposite effect: lowering my vibe.
This morning, I actually feel way better than I have in a long time – not so much resigned as hopeful, which is not what I would have expected to feel, you know, resigning myself to a crappy vibe and all. 🙂
Follow up – the glorious aftermath
I received an email follow up from Kim just last night, which I’m so happy to be able to include here. What a wonderful, real life example of how fast changes can occur in our physical reality when we shift our vibration! Yay!
I am not going to say, “You are not going to believe this!!!!!” Instead, I open this letter with this exclamation: “You are totally going to believe this!!!” and I imagine you laughing, clapping your hands and then giving me a big, smooshy hug while saying, “I TOLD YOU SO!” haha!
It all happened so fast, once I just accepted whatever my vibe would bring to me, and my vibe was way higher than I expected! Haha! Oh god, I am amazed by the amazing amazingness of the Universe!
That Admin Assistant job that I had resigned myself to working because, “whatever, that’s all my vibe will allow”, well, I took your advice (I know, I actually took advice!) and I sat down at the computer and typed out A Vision of That Job That Feels Awesome. Funny enough, I did not type out anything about the actual work I would be doing, but I imagined and felt awesome about how my day would transpire there and how my attitude would be fabulous and how I would be competent and well-liked by everybody, and I imagined the clothes I would be wearing and my hair and makeup and my food at lunch and breaks. I envisioned how that job fits into my life and enhances my life and how that job makes me happy, but not the actual work, and I typed it all in the present tense.
Melody, I did this vision exercise twice, because while preparing mentally for the Admin job, I was invited to interview for a Web Development job (!!!) So, I sat down and envisioned working that job in a way that felt freaking awesome, too. Funnily enough, in that vision also, I did not imagine the actual work, just the environment and my co-workers and me being fabulous and happy and doing an awesome job. Again, describing everything in present tense.
I just read through my two great-feeling visions, and they are basically the same. LOL! I guess what is important to me is that I feel awesome at the job, not the actual work I will be doing. 🙂
I interviewed for the Admin job Tuesday and – you know what’s coming, don’t you?? Haha! The interview was amazing! I interviewed with three people at once (normally a nerve-wracking experience) and they laughed at my jokes and … good grief, I’ve never had such a fabulous interview! Relaxed, connected, laughing, listening – I walked out of there knowing in my heart (in my HEART!) that I am going to get a job offer from them! And, oh yes, there’s an AND, the dress code at the office is casual! Jeans at the office! Amazing!! The office wardrobe is actually better than I envisioned. So, different clothes, but same emotion – well, actually an even BETTER emotion: I’m MUCH happier about wearing jeans than I was about wearing suits! So, the Universe tweaked its return on my vision and gave me something to be even happier about! 🙂 In fact, the job is nothing like I expected but everything I wanted. (!!!)
And, I know in my heart that I am going to get a job offer for the Web Dev job, too — I’ve already been invited back for a second interview to meet the company owners (small, yet thriving, family-owned business) and the HR people.
Melody, two weeks ago I was resigned to living with whatever my crappy vibe would bring me, and now, OMG! OMG!! OMG!!!!!! I’m going to have to choose between two totally fantastic opportunities!!!! Unless the Universe steps in and eliminates one for me as my heart-wave becomes clearer. 🙂
And it happened soooo fast!!!! I can’t believe this is just the 7th of February!
In the middle of all of this (I know!! it gets even better!!!!!), I’ve been attracting potential free-lance clients like crazy!! Higher-profile clients with bigger budgets, AND (yes! there’s more!) my current client actually ASKED TO BE INVOICED AND THEN MAILED THE CHECK TWO DAYS LATER!
Melody, the bottom line is “Align your thoughts with your emotions and reality is your bitch!”
The other bottom line is, “This shit WORKS!” Haha!
Oh, and I have never had a day without coffee!! haha! And just this week, I was able to move into an office that has a big, southern-facing window so sunlight streams in (unlike that cave I had on the north side of the building. haha!) — for the same rent!
How she did it
It occurs to me that I did not get all the STUFF that I envisioned, but I did get the stuff that makes me feel the way I felt during my visioning process. And the Universe knows what it is that I want, which is why the dress code at both offices is casual. (Even though I was expecting the dress code at the Admin job to be “business professional”). So, it was not my expectations that were fulfilled, but my emotions. My in-the-now emotions as I envisioned my life in the present tense. I felt those emotions in the present tense. It just now occurs to me that “in the present tense” is really the only way we CAN feel. (!!!!!)
I love being AMAZED!! 🙂 And I am so excited – I am excited to vision a bigger life!! I’m curious to know just how specific I can get with this manifestation process; can I manifest specifically or do I just kind of leave it up to the Universe to fulfill my heart-wave? (Or, is it that I am trusting my heart-wave to form the Universe to fulfill my emotional request? Even more completely than I could imagine?) I imagine (though seriously, I feel that “vision” is the better word) the life I want and connect with my emotion of that life vision, and VOILA!, it is created for me. My heart-wave creates what it is that brings me that emotion.
Oh, and also, I did not spend a lot of time “focusing” or “holding the images in my mind”. I spent a couple of hours typing out my feel-great visions, and then just let it go. I did not keep actively hoping/wishing/willing any of this into existence. Any time I was tempted to try to wrangle ‘reality’ into shape through my will or imagination, I reminded myself that I did not want what was not perfect for me and that I trusted the Universe to make things perfect. If I am right for that job AND that job is right for me, then I will be offered the job. I cannot do the Universe’s job, and I’m just going to trust the results. I’ve put into motion the creative force of my heart-wave; now, I just need to sit back and watch it happen. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Much Joy and Smooshy Hugs!!!!
BIG FAT PS: I got a job offer this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂