Awesome Dudette asks: “Isn’t it wrong of think of myself as wonderful? Isn’t it wrong to be proud? I’ve always been told I’m arrogant and that I think too much of myself.”
The Law of Attraction, at least the way I teach it (and many others, including Abraham-Hicks), is based on the concept of worthiness. We are all 100% worthy, are supposed to be happy, and deserve to get everything we want. What’s more, we’re each the center of our own little universe, drawing to us what we focus on. We are, in fact, each the most important person in our own realities. We’re encouraged to honor our own feelings and preferences above anyone else’s and we’re supposed to expect things to work out for us.
Now, there are a couple of different ways to perceive this point of view. Given the perspective that most of us have been taught, it’s easy to think that LOA is teaching us to be selfish, narcissistic little bastards, who will push old ladies into traffic and chuck rabid dogs at babies to get what we want. And to that, I say: WOA Nelly! Overreact much?
We’re not all bastards!
First of all, let’s get one thing straight: We’re not all bastards. That has to be cleared up right off the bat, because the idea that if each of us got exactly what we wanted, we’d all end up screwing each other (and not in a fun way), is based on the assumption that deep down, we’re all basically total assholes, and the only reason we’re not all sticking it to each other (*wink wink*… yeah, once I make one innuendo, my inner 13 year old kicks in and sees everything as dirty. You’ll just have to go with it/enjoy it. I make no apologies), is because it’s not socially acceptable to do so.
The truth is, we are not all just waiting for a chance to be douchebags, and frankly, the assumption that we are is kind of demeaning to the human race. At our core, we are all genuinely good and the majority of people are actively doing their best to help others, even if those attempts are often misguided. And even the people who do act like total Dingleberries aren’t intrinsically bad. Those who hurt others have been hurt. There’s a cycle there with a great deal of momentum, which can be broken.
So, the idea that telling people that they can have what they want will somehow lead to them becoming entitled, arrogant jerks, is absurd. There’s a huge, gaping chasm between being a doormat who expects things to go badly and an arrogant prick who feels that everyone owes him. Both are extremes, and neither will ever get anyone what they truly want.
Studying LOA doesn’t lead to arrogance. In order to explain why not, it’s helpful to look at what arrogance actually is. Arrogance stems from low self-esteem. Every. Freaking. Time. When someone is arrogant, they are pretending to feel like they are better than others. The only reason someone might need to do that, is because they feel that they are, in fact, NOT better than others and actually not good enough. Their insecurity will cause them to develop a defensive mechanism, which when triggered, will create a kind of delusion that there is nothing wrong with them (which is the actual, underlying belief), and that everyone else is an idiot. What’s more, arrogant people often have a sense of entitlement (they don’t just want what they want, they’ve decided that it has to come to them through YOU!), and serve as a classic example of people who try to get others to conform to what they want so that they can feel better.
LOA teaches us that we have to “own our shit” (as I like to call it). We have to take responsibility for how we feel and what is in our reality. We cannot force others to conform to what we want, nor can we make them happy. That’s their shit, not ours. If there’s anything in our reality we don’t want, we don’t push against it, we let it go by focusing on what we DO want, instead. It teaches us that we are all love at our core and that by becoming a match to the vibration of love, we get what we want, NOT by bullying others.
Arrogance has NOTHING to do with the Law of Attraction or Who We Really Are and the fear that studying LOA might lead to arrogance is based on a total misunderstanding of what this emotion actually is.
But won’t others see me as arrogant?
If you go around declaring that you are the master of your own reality and that you can have whatever you want, won’t there be those who see you as arrogant? Well yes, but so what? There will always be those who disagree with you. You can’t live your life for them. But will you come off as a pompous douche to everyone? No. Here’s why:
When you truly step into your own power, when you become totally authentic and you KNOW that you are, indeed, the center of your own Universe, that you are love, that the only thing that determines your experience is your vibration, when you let go of all fear and defensiveness, and you see the gift in everything, you won’t feel the need to try and be better than anyone else. You won’t feel the urge to take anything away from anyone (in fact, you tend to give a lot more). You see EVERYONE’S value, their potential, as you connect with the best version of them. You appreciate everyone’s greatness, including your own. You have no need to diminish anyone, put anyone down, raise yourself above them, put them in their place, defend yourself or prove yourself. When you truly know Who You Really Are, you live fully in the NOW, and you allow others to do the same, in whatever way they choose. You enjoy their approval but you don’t need it or seek it. You love to interact and co-create, but only if it feels the way you want it to. You set your boundaries and choose how you want your interactions to feel, but you don’t try to determine who’s ready to interact with you on that level. You don’t assert yourself against others, you don’t push against them, you allow them to be Who They Are.
Now, does that sound like arrogance to you? Of course not.
Seeing their greatness
The beautiful thing about really coming into your own power and realizing just how amazing you really are, is that in doing so, you become more aware of the magnificence of others. When you see your own greatness, you more easily recognize it in those around you. You’re bound to give them more credit, be more complimentary, be kinder, give them the benefit of the doubt, have more patience, and be more allowing of them in general. You’re more likely to be open to their point of view (why not? You have nothing to prove), and search for what you have in common (because you know there’s something) instead of focusing on your differences. Does any of this sound arrogant to you?
LOA teaches that you are God (Source, All-That-Is, whatever). And so is your neighbor. We are all worthy. We are all entitled. And we each get to have exactly what we want. We are all little portions of God, experiencing the Universe in every possible way, adding to the understanding of the whole. This isn’t a competition, much like the cells of your body aren’t competing against each other. You never see the Liver cells waging war against the Kidneys, because they’re sucking up all the hemoglobin or something. We are all part of the whole. But just because none of us is more important than the other, doesn’t mean that we can’t recognize just how integral to the process each of us is. What’s more important? The heart cell or the brain cell? If you can’t decide, or if you conclude that both are equally important, does that mean neither is needed any longer? No! They are both required for us to live.
Is it arrogant to think that you are a cell in God’s body, made up of the stuff of God, and that you are required for him/her to live, but so is everyone else? Is it arrogant to realize that you have a light inside you that can light up not only you, and bring you joy, but inspire all the cells around you to light up too? Is it arrogant to realize that you have the power to shine so brightly, you can influence the entire body and so does everyone else? Is it arrogant to realize that you are awesome, just the way you are, that you are exactly where you should be, and that nothing is required of you, but anything and everything you do is appreciated, and that the same holds true for every person, animal, vegetable and miscellaneous matter floating about in the Universe?
Well, I don’t think so, no.
Coping with criticism
There will always be those who want to place their own limitations on you. Just as you gain an increased ability to see the greatness of others when you see your own, any limitation in your ability to perceive your own worth will, in turn, limit your ability to see it in others. So, when someone calls you arrogant for knowing Who You Really Are, what they are really saying is: “I don’t think I’m worthy and so therefore you can’t be, either.”
Two things can happen when you move more and more into the energy of Who You Really Are:
- You will inspire those around you to realize their own power. Your joy will make them want more joy. Your certainty will make them want to be more certain. Your enthusiasm will make them want to jump up and down.
- You will get on the nerves of those who aren’t able to be inspired by you. When someone has a strong belief that they are not worthy, your rampant worthiness will highlight how badly they feel. In fact, it will seem to get worse in your presence, often causing them to blame you for their feelings. If you focus on these individuals, you will attract more of them, and will lower your vibration to theirs, over time. You’ll start to lose your mojo, until you feel just as miserable as they do. If, however, you ignore them and focus on how you feel, and on those who are inspired by you (a wonderful manifestation!), you’ll get even more sure, even more confident, even more loving and those who can’t hear you will no longer be able to enter your reality. They’ll still be there, and they still won’t get you, but you’ll no longer hear their criticisms and they’ll no longer bother you.
But I know self-improvement Gurus who are arrogant as hell!
Every once in a while, someone will send me an email correspondence or a blog post from someone out there who claims to be enlightened, who comes across as a condescending, arrogant bastard. The person sending me the mail will invariably say something like: “This guy seems to really know what he’s talking about (he speaks with authority), but I can’t get past what he says here. It feels off to me. Can you make it feel better?”, to which I always reply something like, “If it feels off to you, it’s not for you.” I then go on to explain that if someone is attacking others, putting others down or making themselves out to be better than others, they are not, in that moment enlightened. Enlightenment isn’t a state we achieve once and then always have. We can choose to be enlightened in each and every moment. The masters aren’t masters because they’re constantly enlightened. They simply know how to get there easily, so it’s no big whoop if they slip out. They can always simply whoosh back in (because that’s how you achieve enlightenment. You “whoosh”. Ask the Dalai Lama, he’ll tell you.). But you can’t be insecure and enlightened at the same time. Now, someone might have experienced moments of enlightenment, but if they are coming across as arrogant, one of two things is always true:
- They are not, in that moment, connected to Who They Really Are, and are reacting from a place of fear. Or,
- You are so far away from the vibration of Who You Really Are that their energy is annoying you.
There is no danger that studying and applying the Law of Attraction in the way that it’s taught here will make you more arrogant. I say “more”, because you might be using arrogance as a defensive tactic now, in which case LOA will not make it worse (quite the opposite) and certainly won’t create arrogance where there wasn’t any. There is no danger of becoming conceited. And there’s no danger of turning into a douchebag. What LOA does is remove all those superfluous layers and uncover the Godforce you’ve always been underneath. When you strip away your fears, your defensive mechanisms, like arrogance, become totally defunct. Connecting with the energy of Who You Really Are will only ever make things better and better and better and better and better. Yay!
It’s been a while since I came here last time. 🙂 This experience of living in a different country and thus even more aware of the big path I’ve been in, makes me also aware of the huge resistance I still have and also adds up to the sense that all that you teach makes.
There are times in life where finding a balance is not so clear, and forcing that clearness could add up layers of resistance. My trick here has been the state of allowance and awareness when I feel unconfortable by something or someone. By relaxing after letting the negative feelings come up in a safe way, in a question of hours and sometimes minutes, I see my shyness and awkardness as authenticness and not something that socially disables me and impedes me of giving and receiving love. Moreover, in a situation that a person that seemed arrogant or too overwhelming to me, I then see it as mirrowing my desire to be more confident but in a painful way – as if I don’y accept myself as I truly am. The next day or a few hours later, I realized we have some things in common in our hearts. I’m using only one example, but parallels in small situations had happened. I interpret it as being normal because in unfamiliar place the fight of territory between “brain” and “heart” is louder and wider, and you feel sometimes really excited, or with some unexpected big lows, or with kind of lows or sensitivities similar to your 14 year old self. Again, I think it’s part of process of releasing resistance. 🙂
Life is not linear, but what you teach provides guidance and a way to put red flags and boundaries so that we don’t feed energy that makes us feel worse.
Once again, old habits and training step in. Too many of us were taught that having self respect and feeling good about yourself is arrogant and not something people like to see or hear. And to help enforce that teaching, whenever someone would pump themselves up, most people would shoot them down. It was the norm while I was growing up.
And even saying this, I also know that there were those that were very positive and what some would call arrogant, who others admired and didn’t shoot down. So right there the whole premise shoots itself down! It’s not about what others are thinking, it’s all about what we are sending out. If you feel worthy and don’t think it was a bad thing, nobody else around you will either.
Such obvious lessons when you realize the why and how it works. Thanks for the lesson to help us see for ourselves how this world works!
No kidding. I grew up going to Catholic school with nuns, and praising ourselves or pride in our work was not only discouraged, we were shamed for it. That never sat well with me. If we were God’s creations, shouldn’t we be walking around praising everything we did? Weren’t we just praising God by doing so? Apparently not, lol.
It’s so freeing to give ourselves permission to feel awesome. Because deep down, we know that we are.
Amen! Amen! AMEN! And so it is! The entire time I read this post I couldn’t help but say yes! Amen! and hallelujah! It’s like you took the words out of my heart and read them back to me. I SOOOOO resonated with what you said that I want to make this entire post an affirmation. I am worthy, I am entitled, I am love. Sometimes I struggle with feeling that though I know it in my mind and I even feel that I am all these things but then Bam! a bunch of resistance comes in and smacks me. Even still I am pushing through and releasing the need for those limiting beliefs and reminding myself that I’m getting closer and closer to who I really am. I am beyond GRATEFUL for you Melody and these posts. I am super excited to continue becoming who I really am and putting myself first as I am the center of my universe! I loved how you said that we appreaciate other people’s approval but we don’t need it. I am learning how to feel and think in ways that are good for me regardless of what other people think and that’s SCARY becuase prior to learning about LOA 9 months ago (and if I’m honest even two seconds ago) all I have done is make decisions and even thought thoughts based on what other people might think including strangers….I’m learning to love myself though and put my opinions and self first and that is making a HUGE difference! yay! soo happy and grateful. awesome post!
Your comment is just as inspiring as the post is! Thanks for sharing!!
This is an exciting topic for a post! 🙂 Well done!
To me in my perspective the post isn’t really about LOA, or why people may think it teaches arrogance or any other negative quality.
It seems to be a bit of a red herring of a post, based on a question that has been asked and answered before.
I was curious as to why this was?
I’m the most versed in “the blogs of Melody” (seriously count my comments, I think I’ve made the most, and on the most blogs, it will blow your mind. Have a look.)
What was the inspiration? Where is the backstory? I feel a pre-lude is missing that explains why these thoughts would come up in the first place.
Chillis and cinnamon, cha-cha-cha!
There are many LOA critics out there who feel that LOA teaches arrogance and selfishness. Do the the self-centredness of the processes (focusing on ourselves as the creators of our reality, our own emotions, others are mere mirrors of our vibrations) they can be misinterpreted as arrogant.
I have answered this before in comments and posts, but never as deeply. But it’s a question I get a lot, so I figured it was time to dedicate a full post to it.
What a fun article… especially the innuendos 😉
As you indicated, it is not that I can and you can’t… na,na,na
It is that I can and so can you. There absolutely will be those who don’t wish to believe for some reason that they can but you can’t fix them, they can only “fix” themselves.
Thanks Dick. Exactly. But it’s not our job to fix anyone, just allow our own greatness. Can you imagine if everyone did? Well, that’s what we’re moving towards… Yay!
“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
With the subject matter of this post and it being Valentines Day and all, I think this is an apt time for me to post my latest fave Rumi quote.
Love to all
I love that Rumi quote, Dawn! Thanks so much for sharing it.
What a wonderful example of unconditional love!
WOW!!!!! Thank you! Just when I started doubting myself for feeling super happy….your Coping with Criticism #2 hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!! That was so enlightening and you are so right! Thank you!!! I love reading your blogs all the time!!
That’s great Lisa! I’m so glad this was helpful to you.
And thanks for the great feedback! I really appreciate it!
Amen, Amen, Amen! 🙂
Yes! That’s what I said, I couldn’t help it!
There is not one word I can add to that delicious post…. mmm mmmm mmm…nuff said!
What a heartfelt post, Melody! Thank you!
My experience with highly successful people has been that the more secure they are, the nicer they are. I think the same would be true for gurus and whatever – the more secure their connection to the Universe, the more loving, giving and supportive they will be to everyone they meet. I like your reference to the connection coming and going. It would be silly to expect that anyone, ourselves included, could stay connected all the time.
If I can be so bold as to say so, this post demonstrates the depth of your own inner light and generosity!
I think that’s true for everyone, Carole. The more secure we are, the easier it is to be kind and loving. We’re always moving towards that win-win. 🙂
And thanks for your kind words. I do try… 😉
Great article, Melody! The way I see it, when I used to ask myself if I deserve something, I’d think I wasn’t, but since discovering the LOA, the answer is always, “Why NOT?” I deserve the best in life. I’m not afraid to tell that to people. I am proud to say that my optimism has rubbed off on three cynics in my life, and their lives have improved. I’ve started a blog to document my journey as I experience this incredible new life. It all clicks, it all feels fantastic, and I’m never going to stop. (Am I starting to sound arrogant?)
loved your comment, chris! I love how you’ve rubbed off on cynics! I’m slowly starting to get there too, it’s so exciting! just yesterday my younger sister told me I should consider being a life coach because I give great advice…but my advice is just that we all deserve the best of the best, and that we can have whatever we want! ah, what a bunch of arrogant dingleberries we are! LOL
You’d make a great life coach, Marjorie!! 🙂
Yay Chris!! Way to inspire those around you! That means that you’re quite stable in your point of view. Your vibration is solid enough so that others can’t influence you. Bravo!!!
We should all be as arrogant as you. LOL.
Another wonderful post. This clarifies things for me. I love the idea of being the center of my own little universe that I create. Somehow that makes it easier for me to imagine wonderful things.
I tend to be a quiet person on the outside. More of a listener than a talker and I have a habit of minimizing myself. Last week I wrote myself a note. It says, “On My Way to World Domination.” I’ve been giggling over it all week.
You’re blog is helping me so much! Thank-you, thank-you!
You go and dominate that world! I love that! 🙂
And thanks for your kind words.
I’ve been lurking on your site for about a month and I thought it was time to comment. Although I am not personally a believer in LOA, I enjoy your site very much both for your insights and for your enjoyable writing style.
One thing that intrigues me about your site is the number of parallels I can draw between what you say here and the Christian theology that I am more familiar with. For example, your description above of all of us being bits of God living himself seems not at all strange to me, because it is so similar to the idea of the “Mystical Body of Christ” that Paul talks about in the Bible. I think it is very cool that two different philosophical bases can come to so many of the same conclusions.
Thanks for the post, and the site in general!
Hey there Andrew,
It’s great to meet you! You’re so right. If we’re willing to see it, there’s always agreement at the core of what each of us wants. There’s a lot of LOA in Christianity and the other religions. If we stop pushing against those who disagree with us on the surface and dig deeper, it’s amazing how much of our truth we’ll see in their words.
Welcome to the party! 🙂
Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! I mean it not from the perspective solely of romantic love, although that’s for what it’s intended. But here’s to all aspects of love, including that of universal love, the central one.
This clarifies some stuff about masters and more about those who are truly arrogant and even bully. It’s unfortunate, but the more you practice LOA, the more the annoying people disappear for sure. And love the pic, as always!
Hey there A!
Happy Valentine’s day to you, too (ok a bit late, but it’s the thought that counts, no?)!!!
I can personally attest to the fact that the annoying people do disappear. Sometime I forget that they exist in other people’s realities. Thank goodness I get questions! LOL.