Awesome Shirley asks: “My question is about ‘Timing’.  Since a great many things in the universe follow a time schedule, i.e. seasons, gestation periods, periods!, the moon, the tides, planet rotation etc., is there a time to ASK the universe?  My intuition is telling me that no, there isn’t. The best time to ask/visualize is when you are inspired to do so (example, this email), and when you feel your request is clear enough to “put out there”.  However, I have this nagging doubt that pops up occasionally that a point in time may be better, as in more fruitful than another, for any/all actions.   (Can you hear the tune…”there is a season”…)

Does DELIBERATE timing, as in, using astrology, or the “Cycles Of Fate” have ANYTHING to do with deliberate receiving when i.e. applying for your dream job, visualizing, playing your favorite numbers in the lottery, meeting someone, buying a house , applying for a loan, leaving a bad relationship etc.  Again, my intuition says NO.  But, if I am right, how do I overcome this hang-up about timing? I feel as though it may be limiting my progress (methinks it is just my mind/ego muscling in saying: IT MUST BE INVOLVED, by choosing the correct time to do something (arrogant bastard!).”

Dear Awesome Shirley,

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to ever worry about ASKING for something. The second you have a desire for anything, you’ve asked for it. This is true even if you’re not yet aware of the desire. For example, let’s say that someone is rude to you. The second you feel the discomfort of that experience, you want someone to be nice to you. In that instant, you’ve “asked” for what you want. Even if you spend the whole rest of the day focusing on the douchebag who was rude you, you’ve still already ASKED. What you haven’t done is RECEIVED.

Don’t we need to define what we want?

Now, you will have heard me say that we need to define what we want, and this would seem to contradict what I just wrote above. So, I’d like to explain that: When you define what you want, you’re not asking for it. As I said, you’ve already done that. When you define what you want, you’re simply becoming aware of it, often admitting what you want for the first time in your life, which you generally have to do in order to line up with it and receive it (unless you have no resistance to it, in which case, you’d already have it).

Let me give you an example: Emma is in a relationship with a man who is deeply unhappy and loves to take it out on her. While he isn’t actually abusive, living with him is no picnic. He’s often in a really bad mood, which affects Emma. There’s no romance, the sex is rare and leaves her feeling empty and unloved, and she can’t remember the last time he did something truly kind for her. Emma isn’t happy. She’s been feeling more and more depressed and can’t figure out why. Sure, her relationship isn’t great, she tells herself, but there are far worse out there. And isn’t having some companionship better than not having any?

If Emma were my coaching client, I’d ask her what she really wants. After some hemming and hawing and probably a whole lot of pushing from me, she’d finally admit, with a painful sigh of relief, that what she REALLY wants is to feel adored by a man who loves her just as much as she loves him and has the willingness and ability to show it. She wants to come home to someone who’s happy to see her, who lights up when she enters the room. She wants deep, intimate conversation, late into the night; she wants to play and have tickle fights and giggle like children; she wants amazing, mind-blowing, almost transcendental sex; she wants a man who’s interested in what she has to say and who loves to share his own day with her (and has an interesting day to share); she wants to have adventures together instead of just spending their evenings sitting on the couch, and their weekends at the pub. Emma wants so much more than she’s currently experiencing. Only, she’s never really allowed herself to admit it, because of her belief that she can’t really ever have what she wants. Thinking about what she really wants is painful, and so she’s been deep in denial, pretending that what she currently has isn’t so bad.

By defining what she really wants, Emma is forced to acknowledge that her current situation is sub-par and far from acceptable. And by doing that, she’s not only in a position to do something about it (yay!), but also doesn’t really have a choice anymore (ack!). By opening her eyes and really taking a look at just how far she is from where she wants to be, she becomes painfully aware of just how horrible she’s been feeling. She can’t go on like this anymore and has to make a change. This is why it often takes a painful catalyst to get us to admit what we really want.

Aligning with what you want

But, by defining what she wants, Emma is also now able to focus on it. She can create a vision of the kind of relationship she really wants and what that would feel like. She can spend some time every day in that feeling, lining herself up with the frequency of what she wants. And by doing so, the resistance she has towards what she wants, those contradictory beliefs, will rise to the surface and manifest in ways she can see and address. For example, her current boyfriend may become extra mean, showing her that she generally puts up with unacceptable behavior from others, and at the same time, giving her the perfect opportunity to practice setting boundaries. By allowing herself to be treated like crap and not doing anything about it (standing up for herself, or leaving), she’s emanating the vibration of “I’m not worthy of having my boundaries respected.” This is NOT in alignment with the kind of relationship she wants. By using her current situation to make different choices, she begins to honor herself more and changes her vibration. As she continues to do this, she moves closer and closer to becoming a match to what she’s been asking for, for years, until she receives her manifestation.

But what about astrology or the phases of the moon, etc.?

Now, there are a lot of people who swear by the fact that if they do some kind of ritual during a certain time of the month or year, they get much better or faster results. Is there any merit to this? Yes and no. The Universe doesn’t give a flying crap when you do your visualizing, or practice any other method designed to help you get into alignment with what you want. If, however, you have a belief that a certain time of the month is better, i.e. more conducive to you receiving what you want, then performing your rituals or whatever during that time will actually help you to get into the right state of mind (belief/knowing) and will garner better results. In other words, if hopping about counterclockwise in your garden, during the full moon, wearing nothing but your birthday suit makes it easier for you to believe that true love will come your way, then by all means, hop away you gorgeous naked freak you. Do whatever works for you. But understand that the Law of Attraction doesn’t care. It’s not the time, or the hopping, or the direction, or the clothing you wear, or any action you take. It’s all about the vibration. Period.