Awesome Pam wants to know: “So I have been using the affirmation ‘John loves me’ and I know everyone says you can’t make someone fall in love with you, but I guarantee since I started doing it he has fallen in love with me. I can tell by the way he acts and I am a 100% positive he loves me. Can you please explain to me how this happened? I guarantee he loves me and I am not making this up.
I mentioned to some friends about how you can use the LOA to make a specific person fall in love with you and they didn’t believe me. I told them I did it and it’s working, and they started telling me that if I’m using the LOA on him, he doesn’t truly love me, and they said his love is ‘forced’ and ‘fake’ and ‘artificial’ and he doesn’t truly love me like normal couples love each other because the process wasn’t natural.”
Dear Awesome Pam,
Your friends are wrong. And so are you. Kind of. He does love you and his love is real. But you didn’t make him love you. Let me explain:
LOA is not mind control
First rule of LOA (ok, maybe not the first rule, but it’s in the top 5): You cannot manifest in anyone else’s reality. You cannot be responsible for how someone else feels, what they experience, for whether or not they are happy, unhappy, kind, douche-y, or in love. You have no power to control other people’s thoughts, behaviors, moods, or feelings. You cannot create emotions in others, real, fake or otherwise. All of your power lies within yourself. And that’s enough. You don’t need to be able to take away anyone else’s free will in order to have whatever experience you want.
You can’t control anyone else, but you can influence them. So, if you’re in a great mood, someone in a bad mood may come along, see your happiness and be uplifted by it. They aren’t feeling good, but they WANT TO, and your happiness makes it easier for them to reach their own. You cannot make them happy, but they may well become happy in your presence, inspired by your positivity. Or, they might run for the hills, unable to reach joy because they’re too stuck and focused on what’s wrong in their lives, and annoyed by your chirpy demeanor. In other words, if you’re offering something they want (happiness, in this case), and they’re ready to be influenced to what they want, you being in that state can inspire them to attain it themselves. They’ll come and join you. If you’re not offering something they want, or if they’re not ready to get there, there is nothing you can do. It is always up to them. You can only ever control your own vibration.
So, the three criteria that MUST be present in order for two people to get together in an awesome way are:
- Person A has to be a match to what they want
- Person B has to be a match to what they want
- What Person A wants and what person B wants have to match up
If these three criteria are not met, two people can certainly still get together. But they will not have that epic relationship. They’ll be a match to what they don’t want. The following scenarios will make that clear:
How people get together
You didn’t make this man love you. He was ready to love you and you allowed it by becoming a match to that love yourself. This is totally different from making someone fall in love with you.
Let’s say there’s a girl named Jenny and a boy named Shane. Jenny adores Shane, but Shane doesn’t seem to know that Jenny exists.
Jenny lines herself up with love
So, Jenny decides to use LOA to visualize Shane falling in love with her. As she visualizes this, she cleans up her own vibration. Remember that visualization is simply a tool to help you fine tune your own focus. If your visualizations don’t feel really good, that’s a sign that you’re holding on to a perspective, a belief that contradicts what you want. If, for example, Jenny thinks Shane is hot, but that he’s too hot to really go for her (that she’s not attractive enough for him), then visualizing Shane swooning all over her is going to feel weird, artificial and fake. If Jenny continues to visualize, however, she can work her way into the feeling that Shane could, indeed, fall for her, until fantasizing about this scenario feels natural and realistic. By doing this, Jenny will be getting rid of her own limiting belief. She’ll have changed HER belief from “I don’t think he could realistically be attracted to me” to “I can totally see him wanting me.”
As Jenny becomes more and more of a match to the feeling that being with Shane represents to her, she opens herself up to this scenario actually manifesting in real life.
Shane is a match to loving Jenny
Now, let’s say that Shane is already a match to loving Jenny. He’s a match to everything she wants. He has the ability to provide her with the experience she’s seeking and which she is not aligned with. And he’s a match to what he wants – he has no beliefs that contradict the experience that falling in love with Jenny will bring. If this is the case, then Shane will recognize Jenny as his love the second that Jenny becomes a match to the experience they both want. He was already there, and by lining up her energy, Jenny joined him and blammo! Freaking epic love story, y’all.
Shane is a match, but Jenny is not
If, however, Jenny is unsuccessful in her attempts to line up with what she wants, if she has too much resistance (beliefs that contradict what she wants), then she can focus on Shane all she wants, but he will not respond. Why not? Because he will not recognize the energetic match (you can’t recognize what isn’t there). Shane will be in Paris (city of love), while Jenny will be in Detroit, screaming his name and wondering why he can’t see her.
Jenny is a match but Shane is not
But, what if Jenny does manage to release her resistance and lines up with the experience of what she wants, but Shane is nowhere near being a match to that? In that case, I’d advise Jenny to let go of the idea that it has to be Shane (since he’s not ready for her and may never be) and allow LOA to bring her the man who is a total match and will be able to provide her the experience she’s been wanting. You cannot force someone to be a match to you. You can only ever allow those who are a match to you to come into your reality. In this case, Shane might’ve been close to what Jenny wants, but not the real deal. She would’ve only been so attracted to him because he also matched part of her resistance (see below). When she lets go of the need to control WHO will match what she wants (the conduit through which her manifestation will flow), she can receive it. And the yearning for Shane will cease.
Remember: The manifestation you really want is the experience of love, not the person from which it comes. Don’t confuse the gift with the gift bearer.
Jenny is not a match to what she wants and neither is Shane
Now, let’s say that Jenny still has some resistance – a belief that men will eventually turn into douchebags, for example. And let’s say that Shane also has some resistance – a belief that women are crazy bitches, let’s say. This could make the two a match to each other, but not in a good way. Jenny’s insecurity would perfectly mirror back Shane’s belief: she would test him to see if there’s a douche in there, with a clear expectation that there was. These little games would then prove to Shane that Jenny was indeed already starting to go down the crazy bitch road, causing him to become more distant and standoffish. Afraid to be losing his boundaries, he might even turn into a full blown douchebag in an attempt to defend himself, causing Jenny to proclaim that her belief was right all along.
In this case, neither Jenny nor Shane was a match to what they wanted. But they were a match to each other – they were each in the position to perfectly mirror back the other’s beliefs. This is precisely how people who seem so bad for each other often get together. Why would you be attracted to someone who doesn’t match what you want? Well, if you also weren’t a match to what you wanted, you’d be attracted to those who could mirror back where you actually were. Do you now see that your only work is to become a match to what YOU want?
Can his love be fake?
I’d like to address the idea of fake love. Can love be faked? Well, of course it can. There are those who pretend to love others because they think that’s what they have to do in order to get what they want. There are those who think they love someone and lie to themselves (and therefore their partner) about it. Perhaps they think they should love the other person, or they’ve never experienced real love and think that the feeling of neediness or security is love. But trying to figure out if someone’s love is real is totally unnecessary. You have no control over whether or not they love you. But you do have control over what experience you line up with.
If you focus on being in unconditional love, meaning you love freely and openly and don’t make how you feel dependent on whether or not they love you back, you will not be a match to fake love. If you are authentic, you will not be a match to anything but authenticity. You invite into your reality whatever you are emanating vibrationally. If you are afraid of being dumped, you will attract someone who will prove you right. If you are afraid of being treated badly, the Universe MUST mirror this back to you. If you are emanating pure, unconditional, yummy love then the Universe MUST mirror that back to you, too. Now, THAT’S control!
If you’re in love with each other, you matched up with each other. Yay! Don’t second guess it. That’ll just invite more manifestations (like the conversations you had with your friends) that mirror those doubts back to you. Stop pooping all over your own joy! Enjoy it and stop making what other people think so relevant. Does it feel good to you? Let that be enough. If something feels off, address it. Otherwise, quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or, you know, it will.
Now it’s your turn: Can you apply what you’ve learned here to your past and current relationships? Can you see how you attracted and matched up the other person, even if they weren’t what you wanted? Share in the comments!
How is it that some people can have all kinds of fears about being loved or losing love for example and yet have someone who loves and adores them unconditionally?
WOW! wonderful post Melody! Keep doing the great work! What wonderful insights!
This is one very interesting post. I totally agree with you that we don’t or can’t make others fall in love, but instead show to that person that we are ready to be loved by them and it is up to them to decide.
Nicely said, Melody. I think you’ve illustrated nicely where many of those who have problems with the Law of Attraction get stuck. Namely, that they think that the law is about changing what’s “out there” instead of what’s “in here” <– pointing at my head 🙂
I look forward to these blog posts so much and I enjoy each one thoroughly, and then re-read them over and over. Each one contains such great lessons and the tone and style make my day.
Thank you Melody, so very much!
Thank you for an awesome article! I would also like to throw my two cents in the pot with regards to attracting the ‘right’ person.
Often we don’t know whether it is negativity in our own vibration which is causing the discord (as often this can make the other person seem as if they want nothing to do with you) or whether the person really wants nothing to do with you.
What I recommend to those who are still confused is firstly. Always work on clearing out your own stuff. Change your point of focus from the person ‘what he is doing. what he needs to be doing. what the problems are. etc’ and onto yourself. Loving yourself, becoming more positive, giving love to all and everything in the form of appreciation and developing faith that you are safe and the Universe is working on your behalf.
Secondly I want you to notice how you ‘feel’ about the person as the time passes. The buffer of time actually does serve you as it says in The Secret. Often people who come to me for coaching find that after a while of cleaning up their own vibration are no longer attracted to the other person. Then there are those who, after a time (time is only an indication of how quickly you let go of your stuff) of cleaning their vibration find themselves even more attracted to the person. They also feel less afraid, more hopeful and have more faith.
If you have been trying to attract a specific person into your life and have been cleaning your vibration to the point where everything else in your life is going great and you still find yourself in love- then hold on!
Remember only Divine ideas endure. That which you are attracted to because of negativity in your own field will become less ‘attractive’ to you the more you become more positive.
God bless you all!
Yes, tarryn, this is very true! It all comes down to living in love and being in love with life, and you become a magnet for all that is good.
“Only Divine ideas endure” is great! Can this also include things that keep popping up into one’s reality after perhaps fogetting it or not even considering it except for the fact that it just keeps appearing. Examples are: remnants of a past relationship, romatic or otherwise, that was good, like a card that was written, a piece of clothing, an old email, or finding a book on a subject you used to love to do can be a sign after getting fired from a job you hated. These can be signs.
Of course the greatest Divine idea is love, and living in it and exuding it and radiating it is the way to go!
That was awesome Melody!
This paragraph says it all:
“Jenny’s insecurity would perfectly mirror back Shane’s belief: she would test him to see if there’s a douche in there, with a clear expectation that there was. These little games would then prove to Shane that Jenny was indeed already starting to go down the crazy bitch road, causing him to become more distant and standoffish. Afraid to be losing his boundaries, he might even turn into a full blown douchebag in an attempt to defend himself, causing Jenny to proclaim that her belief was right all along.”
I know I could put this into use in almost any situation that I have ever had issues with! Hahahahahaha! I love how you can put into a short, to the point few sentences, something that encompasses so many things in life!
Thank you as always. I adore you!
As always, Melody, you’ve made me think. Thank you!
When I was young, I wanted to travel all the time, and now I’m way less inclined to get on a plane and head out. It just seems like more trouble than it’s worth. Relationships feel the same way. Having been through several, some better, some worse, I’m quite content to wing it on my own, thank you. And yet… There’s a part of me that still yearns for a great love partner. I wonder sometimes if someone I already know would be an excellent match with me, but we just can’t see each other.
Money and men, my two giant resistances! It sometimes feels like I have so much built up crap in each pile, it may take more than this lifetime to offload it all. Well, not to mope! I’m doing fine without either, and in fact am highly contented when I’m not shoveling!
Sometimes I wonder if thinking of yourself as having resistances may just strengthen them. Maybe it’s like watching the news. Just turn it off! When I let go entirely of even thinking about money and men, and just live in the glorious moment that is, I’m giddily happy!
What do you think, everybody? Is it better to just be happy and not ponder on what you do and don’t have in your life? I vote yes.
Yes Carole, I think that relates to focusing on what you DON’T have and even what you DON’T want. Not good for the vibration. 😉
So yeah, it’s OK to be happy with what is (as long as it isn’t hurting self or anyone) but then it’s also OK to strive for “more”, for something else that will help you express yourself better and enhance your life to another level.
Just my 2 pennies though of course.
Thanks for throwing your two cents into the pot! Worth much more than that, of course! I’ll toss in two cents too—I agree that a feeling of lack will only lead to more lack. What I don’t get is how to focus on something you want in such a pure way that there’s no sense of lack at all. To me it’s more practical to say to the Universe, thank you for what I have, and woohoo for whatever is coming!!
Ha! Good point. I have to wonder if that really is possible? I guess maybe the best way is to get to that feeling of “Meh, doesn’t matter if I get that thing I really want.” LOL…I just contradicted myself.
Maybe that’s what letting go once you ask actually is. And then the other part is to not be attached to the outcome.
I know when I’m truly honest with myself though that I don’t do that. Besides is letting go completely really all there is? Aren’t we supposed to “do something?”
Ya can’t meet like minded people sitting on a mountaintop. And ya can’t get a dream job/opportunity by being a hermit.
That’s general…I don’t mean YOU specifically. 🙂
I have wondered the exact same thing!! 🙂 Does focus on resistance just make it more prominant? And my conclusion was yes, as my post on rehashing memories kinda supports.
So I guess yes, I do most of my focusing on being happy, looking for better thoughts, finding things that make me happy. The only time I really look for resistance is when I think I have figured something out, or something just keeps punching me in the face, and I’m tired of being pummeled. 😉
As I think you are already implying yourself, it is not so much important whether you focus on something or not but the intention and vibration with which you focus on it.
I also was rehashing a lot of my stuff and of course becoming totally miserable because of it but once I started looking at it from a different perspective – loosing the attitude of the victim – I could finally see the other side of the coin and experience my memories as something that has enriched me enormously. I used to see only all the things I missed out on and then I suddenly started to see the things I received which would never have happened if my life had developed in the usual way. It is the way in which you focus on anything at all which determines the outcome and that of course is precisely what Melody also says in the post above.
By the way, I always enjoy reading your comments!
Hi Nay and Laura and Anny and everyone,
I thought about all of this overnight and woke up with a couple of aha realizations. Resistance can only relate to the past and the future. When we are truly in the present moment, there is no possibility even of resistance. Whoa! Living in the moment feels way more do-able that releasing ALL resistance! Yeehah!
Related to my personal resistances that I wrote about before, men and money, the huge aha for me is that I don’t have any resistance at all on those topics! Hee hee. I thought about my Soul’s attitude about money, and realized that she couldn’t give a flip so long as I have enough to keep body and Soul together. Gives whole new meaning to the phrase! Thinking about love, I realized my Soul has no preference for whether I’m happy alone or happy as a couple, just so long as I’m happy!
My ‘resistance’ on these issues comes from my buying into societal norms, and NOT from fighting my own internal Soul’s preferences. Letting go of feeling like I ought to want money and I ought to want a man feels so much easier! Light and breezy! Focusing on being happy with or without money, with or without a man, THAT I can do!!
So welcome to a happy Tuesday, everyone! Make it the best ever day, and to #$%^ with resistance! Who needs it?!
Hugs all around,
That is awesome! Thank you! This helps so, so much! It’s coming to terms with the past (its was nit a mistake, i learned a lot, etc) and looking forward to what is coming that is what I concluded about resistance. But these hurt me in the now and make me crazy in the now, so not dwelling on these and just focusing on the present and on what we are doing now is the best approach as I see it.
The comments are so insightful and comforting, so thank you all for the input!
One more thing to add to resistance in relationships is neediness and being clingy. This is not like being a douche, but can be when a guy or girl gets violent if the person cannot spend 24/7 with them. Are they not giving their power away in this scenario as well? People think jealousy, being clingy and together 24/7 is love, when I beg to differ. This sounds more psychotic to me, yet society perpetuates these thoughts. It perpetuates being dysfunctional. This saddened me a lot, but I am getting back into my power and it is not affecting me so much anymore. Why do we need to be with someone, unless we want to? If we are okay financially, why do we need to worry about it unless we would like more?
To me, society is so freakin shallow and wussy. It’s weird, it goes counter to happiness, unless you figure what we are talking about out for yourself and live life free! It continues to be mind-boggling, yet I need to break from it. And it has been working, so good job guys!!!!
I think being clingy and wanting to be together 24/7 is not love but possessiveness, in whatever relationship.
In a parent-child relationship for instance it is very destructive when a parent wants to continue to control his or her child’s life when they are (almost) grown up. The same of course when a child somehow does not want to grow up and expects the parent to keep on taking care of him or her. The result can only be resentment.
The only way you can really love each other is to encourage the other person to be(come) his or her true self and to follow their dream. This may result in having to let them go, especially when it concerns a child, but the result will be that they will still love you and keep in contact with you from wherever they are, whereas they might ban you from their life if you want to keep on controling them, even if they live almost next door. I have three sons and the one I have the most intensive contact with lives on the other side of the world.
I agree with you, anny. Thank you so much for sharing this! Love these feeds.
This article absolutely explains a lot! I already knew what happened last time and why but at times it can be difficult to put into words. And you just did that for me. I was definitely matching up to what I didn’t want and it’s exactly what I got.
But then I was trying to fight it…fit square pegs into round holes…ignoring red flags and giving them explanations that I could live with, when my intuition was telling me, “Hey, something ain’t right!”
Just to have someone “love me” (which he didn’t) I threw a few of my values out the window and accepted the unacceptable. And now realize this is unacceptable.
I had to laugh at this: “…quit waiting for the other shoe to drop…” since it’s what I do and in fact used this phrase when talking to you oh so long ago. 😉
All this being said, I realize now that it’s much more peaceful to be alone than to force things with someone who isn’t meeting my needs.
I also think it’s good to spend time alone to regroup after such an entanglement to lift the vibe within so that I stop attracting the douchy-ness. I guess since others are a reflection of me however, there must be some aspect of douchy-ness to me (or at least there was when I was with “him.”)
Thanks Mel, for even more clarity.
Just had to pop-in and say… I love the fact that every single one of your blog posts can always be applied to other situations. This is no accident, as what I get from this post is in alignment with what I’m putting out there! I’m currently looking at a potential business deal, and forgot to remember that it is about FEELING, not about how or what. Remembering it is about feeling also allows you to let go of the outcome, something that MUST happen for a manifestation to occur.
Love you Melody!! You light up my life.
Thanks Cheryl! You and everyone here light up mine! 🙂