Awesome Kristen asks: “I have been reading your blog lately and really getting interested in the way you present things. I am a burgeoning therapist and I am trying to reconcile some of what I’ve learned here with what I know about our brains on a neurobiological level. It seems to me that the LOA favors those brains that have been formed “correctly” so to speak. Most people can “overcome” limiting beliefs. Most people can raise their vibrations. But what about those people who, from early childhood or even the womb, have brains that do not function properly?

For example, attachment theory is the study of how an infant/young child relates to his or her caregiver. A child that is neglected will literally experience a wilting effect of neuropathways in the brain. They are not able to experience emotions the same way that you and I might and often have very skewed cognition. How is one to overcome something so seemingly insurmountable with pure belief when belief and emotion are concepts not even within their grasp? These connections or lack thereof are produced before higher cognition is readily available. Could you help me understand this?”

Dearest Awesome Kristen,

You can’t know what someone else’s experience is

First of all, let’s remember that we can never really objectively know what someone else is experiencing. We can assume, we can guess, we can empathize, and we can imagine what WE would feel in their position. But we can’t know. This concept was brought home to me powerfully just a couple of weeks ago when someone shared a video with me. In it, an autistic girl, whom everyone had assumed was locked into her own, developmentally disabled world, began to communicate via a computer and shattered any preconceived notions we have about what an autistic person’s experience is really like. The problem is that we can only ever apply our own perspective to the experience of another, and since our perspectives can vary widely, our conclusions, no matter how logical, about what it’s like to be someone else, can be completely wrong.

So, while some people SEEM to be unable to process emotions “correctly”, this does not mean they are not processing feelings. They may simply be doing so in a very different way than we can currently understand. If someone seems to be unable to focus, it does not mean that they are not focusing. But they may be expressing that focus in a way WE can’t process.

You don’t need to know this crap in order for it to work

Ok, so this might sound a little counterintuitive, coming from someone who makes her living explaining the Law of Attraction in nitty gritty detail. But the truth is, the process that underlies LOA, including the emotional feedback system and the releasing of beliefs, works whether you understand it, or not. Some people find it very helpful to understand the framework in some way (I specialize in helping those people), but it’s not strictly necessary.

Small children, too young to cognitively understand emotions, can still experience the process by which beliefs are released. This is because it all comes down to energy. At the core of all this work, all these explanations, all these blog posts and funny pictures, etc., is just vibration. Frequency. Energy.

A young boy of six months who is trying to do something he cannot yet do, will get frustrated and will throw a little tantrum. He might pump his fists and cry a little. But generally speaking, if given the opportunity, he’ll recover very quickly and become distracted by something new. He’ll form a belief, “I can’t do this. Something is wrong!”, that belief will feel bad, he’ll have an emotional reaction – the tantrum, and then he’ll feel relief and move on. Tadaaa! He just shifted some energy and found his balance again. If we could all allow ourselves to do that, there would be no limiting beliefs. Unfortunately, we’ve learned that feeling bad is just a part of life and should be tolerated.

Animals shift energy. They aren’t as specifically focused as we are, and they generally have a higher vibration than we do, so they don’t often experience the range of contrast (bad stuff) that we do. But they have their own resistance and they shift energy.

Being smart can be a hindrance

Having a cognitive understanding of our world isn’t necessarily helpful when it comes to shifting beliefs. The content on my site is geared towards intelligent people, precisely because they face unique challenges when it comes to this work. The better you “understand” the rules of this world, even if they are wrong, the harder it will be for you to change your mind. It’s your mind, in fact, that will fight you. You need to deliver a lot of evidence before it will accept a whole different paradigm.

I’m not saying that stupid people have it easier (I’m not saying that they don’t…), but what I am saying is that cognitive understanding is not at all necessary in order to do this work, and is, in fact, a hindrance. Nature reacts to changes, some good, some bad, and rebalances itself. Shifting energy or releasing beliefs is simply a way of rebalancing. One could argue that nature is often much wiser than we are, and yet, all it has access to is the wisdom of pure intuition. Huh.

Can a lack of emotions be a good thing?

So, if someone is born with cognitive impairment, it can allow them to have a very different, often much more positive (potentially) experience than the rest of us, simply because they aren’t going to be making as many bullshit decisions as we tend to do. A lack of understanding of beliefs and thoughts leads to LESS limiting beliefs.

But what about if someone can’t process emotions the way we do? Well, again, I have to remind us all that we can’t really ever know what someone is experiencing. So, just because someone doesn’t seem to be expressing or even feeling emotions in a way we can understand, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t doing it. Everyone experiences feedback, but they don’t necessarily express it the same way. Everyone experiences intuition. They may not listen to it, but they do feel it or have the potential to feel it. We are all energetic beings, no matter how we’ve chosen to manifest our physical representations. And we’re all connected to Who We Really Are. No exceptions.

Keeping in mind that everyone experiences some kind of feedback, you may begin to look these patients in a completely different way. Assume that there’s more going on in there than you can perceive (and than you may ever be able to fully understand). Assume that nothing has gone wrong. The Universe doesn’t make mistakes. Just because you don’t understand why someone would manifest their condition doesn’t mean there’s not a really good reason.

Simply put, having an emotional “impairment” allows the individual to experience their reality in a very different way. They may not be encumbered by the same emotional baggage as the rest of us, or held back by the same understanding of the wrong framework. Of course, this doesn’t mean that they don’t experience suffering or resistance. Of course they do, as each of us does. They’re just having a REALLY unique time of it.

How do we help them?

Now that I’ve explained why someone might manifest a difference in how they process emotions, let’s take a look at what I believe is at the core of your question: How can you help an individual who seems to be lacking the ability to process emotions the way that the rest of us do?

The short answer is: you can’t. Since there’s nothing wrong with them, they don’t need fixing. They do not need to learn how to process their emotions OUR way. They have THEIR way, and it’s just as valid, thank you very much. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t help them when they’re suffering. Here are some tips (a lot of these are good tips for your practice in general, actually. You’re welcome.):

  • Remember that your patient has to be a match to being helped, or nothing you do will make a difference. Set a strong intention to attract ONLY those whom you can help.
  • Remember that you cannot know what their experience is. If you approach the individual with the assumption that they’re not “normal”, and that something has gone wrong, you won’t make much headway. If, however, you assume that there is a good reason for their condition, that perhaps they’ve come to experience life in their own, unique and perfectly valid way, then you’ll get farther.
  • Assume that there is more going on that you can perceive. Try to let go of all your preconceived notions (and I realize that this is going to contradict the desire to compare what you can perceive to previous cases and what’s in the textbooks. Tough titties.)
  • Prepare yourself energetically before you even meet. Do not expect anything specific to happen (no preconceived notions, remember?), but focus on the feeling you want to achieve. Place yourself into a state of love. If you can achieve this high vibration and stabilize there (don’t allow the circumstances around you to bring you out of it), you’ll find that your interactions with ALL patients will be vastly different.
  • Understand that even if your patient doesn’t seem to be processing emotions in the way you understand, there will be one constant: There will be BETTER and WORSE. They can feel suffering and relief. Some things will agitate them and some will soothe them. You stated in your question that “Most people can raise their vibrations.” I’d like to contradict that: ALL people (and things and just “stuff”) can raise their vibrations. Even a houseplant can have a higher or lower vibration. And all people (and things, blah, blah) can be affected by the vibrations around them, if they allow it (which almost everyone does.) I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing this first hand: Years ago, I volunteered with severely handicapped children. They couldn’t express themselves or interact at all. There was no recognition that they had any idea what was going on. Until we took them to the pool and immersed them gently in the warm water. I worked with a little girl and would help her float in the water, which was clearly pleasurable for her. This child who couldn’t speak, couldn’t look at me, could do pretty much nothing all day but sit in her wheelchair and drool, would get a look of intense delight on her face when she was in the water. From my perspective, she was completely present in the moment and by doing so, helped me to do the same. It was beautiful and it’s safe to say that BOTH our vibrations were significantly raised by the experience.
  • Use your intuition. Feel your way through an interaction with the individual. Again, this may not jive with your psychology training, since you may be inspired to interact in a way that isn’t part of normal treatment protocol. Oh well.
  • Remember that the individual is perceiving life differently and will therefore interact differently. This may be true even if they can express themselves verbally. Just because someone can talk doesn’t mean that they’re speaking your language.
  • Focus mostly on vibrational interaction. Send love to the patient. Accept them as they are, and understand that nothing has gone wrong. They are not broken. They don’t need to be fixed. Sit with them and notice how your energy affects them. You may be in for some really interesting findings.
  • Allow this individual to experience their reality in their own way. The goal is not to make them like everyone else. It’s to help them find their own joy. Do your best to interact with them on their level, whenever possible. Use music, sounds, soft textures, different lighting, and whatever else you can think of to try and bring about relief.
  • And, most importantly: Figure out what it is you’re trying to achieve. If your desire is to truly help, then make sure you’re working towards THEIR goals, not yours. Use visualization to focus on that goal in a way that feels really good to you, and then allow yourself to be inspired to the action and methodology that will bring it about. And if, in the process, you come up with a whole new branch of psychology, so be it. 🙂

Bottom line

When someone is born with different and what we consider to be limited abilities, we have this tendency to think that something has gone wrong and that we need to help them overcome their obstacles. This isn’t generally true, though. A different experience is not worse. It’s simply different. But, if you’re treating those who seem to be severely limited in their cognitive or emotional capabilities, you’ll have to use your intuition more than ever. Recognize them as vibrational beings who are seeking joy and who are being called to it. You don’t need to help them do that. But you can ease their way by helping them find relief. Try anything that makes them feel better. That’s the key. Of course, that’s not bad advice for the rest of your patients, either. Just saying…

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  • Melody.
    An absolutely astounding article. Just reading it brings about THE most amazing feeling..of calm and peace. Thank you so much. <3

  • Beautifully and thoroughly stated, Melody! I need to go back and read it several times. Most of what you wrote I can use in relating to my daughter, and I have been using a lot of it already, with your encouragement!

    Huge hugs,


  • […]We are all energetic beings, no matter how we’ve chosen to manifest our physical representations. And we’re all connected to Who We Really Are[…]

    How do we know that?

    • A study of quantum physics/mechanics helped me to understand that first part (energy) and a spiritual journey/awakening, which included further study (of psychology at degree level, Buddhism, books by Viktor Frankl, Carl Jung, Caroline Myss plus studying LOA and death of a close relative) helped me to understand the second bit (connection to who we really are). If you’re really serious about wanting to know, then you probably have to ‘do the work’ 🙂 I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but that’s how I came to accept the statement as valid and true – it’s taken me 14 years to get here.

  • Hey Melody!

    Very nice article! I completely accept intelligent people who knows the ‘rules of this world’ have a harder time changing beliefs than those who don’t. I know one lady, who never went to college, is way more positive and connected than very intelligent people are. She has hardly read anything and hence doesn’t know of all the lies that religion teaches and hence believes that the happiness comes from inside and there is no heaven or hell; she cant read male bashing jokes and hence has no negative beliefs about men; she is a housewife and hence doesn’t feel the need to compete with anyone for position or authority or anything; she somehow just knows God will provide her everything and she has a very happy life that makes educated women (literally) envy.
    I have personally found information overload to be my problem; I was a voracious reader and unfortunately got a LOT of unwanted information at a very deep level in many subjects from astrophysics to terrorism; this was an issue clogging my brain and keeping me stuck in a lower vibration. As part of raising my vibration, I threw away my huge home library. Now, as I raise my vibration higher and higher, I read hardly anything. Islam says, “unless you are detached from the creation, you cant be attached to the creator’. I interpret it in LOA terms as, unless we are detached from the ways of this world, we cant be truly connected to Who We Really Are!

  • Excellent article Melody – operating from a state of love seems to cover all bases I think. Also, Kristen, don’t forget about brain plasticity. Much research has shown the brain’s ability to form new connections, improve synaptic transmission etc., through feedback from the ‘environment’ both internal and external. Everything that has already been said in terms of treatment, experiences, interactions and energy shifts, constitute environmental change which could positively affect brain architecture.

  • The psych stuff….

    “How is one to overcome something so seemingly insurmountable with pure belief when belief and emotion are concepts not even within their grasp?”

    Even in attachment theory, the children still had emotions just different reactions to the emotional state. Many showed a physiological response even if they were not displaying the response expected.

    (According to Phillip R. Shaver) As adults, those who scored high on the dimension of attachment related avoidance but low on attachment related anxiety, could deactivate their physiological arousal to some degree and minimize the attention they paid to attachment related thoughts (in reference to the loss of a partner). Basically, their coping mechanism was literally to forget about the event. It was not that they were not attached to the partner, they were not attached to the thought OF the partner. This may sound like the same thing as not having feelings. It’s not.In all actuality, they were trained themselves to avoid or dismiss their feelings of distress and anxiety.

    When you are trying reach someone with this degree of coping mechanisms, advance carefully. Tugging one emotion, one thought too hard and you could cause serious damage. The coping mechanism was created to deal with a complex series of emotional issues, some of which might even be a product of false memories.

    Whew! All the book stuff is out of the way, let’s get down to the rest of the questions.

    “Most people can ‘overcome’ limiting beliefs. Most people can raise their vibrations. But what about those people who, from early childhood or even the womb, have brains that do not function properly?”

    First big question, who wants the change? Does the subject want the change or is it a caregiver?

    Their belief system may not be the same as yours BUT even pigeons, rats and elephants have been shown to have a belief system. Listen, observe and find out what is their belief system. Let’s say the adult subject scores high on avoidance and high on anxiety and wants to find love. (Yet they are terrified to talk to the object of their affection and when they do get a date they are impulsively jealous alternating with aloofness.)

    The idea “I am unlovable” is not their core belief, that’s just a fear. They were able to break through their insecurities to get the date. Once they have secured the date, possibly even getting a second one. Their impulsive jealousy and aloofness (they called 268 times, starting with “hi its me I had a great time” ending with “you probably can’t answer because you are banging someone else” but won’t answer the phone when the object of affection calls back) ensures there will not be a relationship (or at least not a healthy one). The actual core belief is “the object of my affection will abandon me but I want the person to stay.”

    This is where psych and vibes meet…. You are always looking for the contradicting statements. I want BUT this is what will happen. I want to win the lottery BUT it will never happen. I want a job that makes me happy BUT I won’t get one that pays better. I want to see John Lennon in concert BUT he died in 1980. The low vibes are usually whatever comes after the BUTTTTT. They are what holds a person back mentally and vibrationally.

    The children who have brains that do not function properly….

    My 10 year is autistic. He is hyposensitive. His system does not receive enough stimulation or imput. Yeah, the kid who just licked your arm because you smell like oranges… That’s mine. His brain works differently. How do I change his core beliefs? I listen, ask questions and blow the belief so big he can see it is silly.

    He randomly hits in school and then complains that no one likes him (<this could easily turn into a belief). I never ask why he did it because he isn't going to say "I was trying to stimulate my vestibular system so I needed intense and immediate gratification such as a jerky movement or the feeling of my fist slamming into someone else." I ask him how much he believes the kids in his class hate him. More than.. Yellow snow? Brain freezes?Deep fried pickles? Snot? until we find something he thinks they hate more than him.

    Then we can do exercises, such as grabbing the low energy at his feet and tossing up in the air while screaming at the top of our lungs "Even though I did this, I am still a really great kid!" We jump up and down. We wave our arms and scream "These are my arms, I control them." We push and pull the air, "these are my hands, I control them." We do this for about 15-20 minutes.

    It has taken us over a year to go three months without an incident of hitting. He doesn't think he is a rotten person. He takes responsibility for his actions by not getting to play …insert technical device. He is also not allowed to use his "issue" as an excuse. He did this, he will face those kids again and he will apologize. His core beliefs are shaped by him. Most hiccups in core beliefs are created by what we believe others believe about us so it must be true. (convoluted and crazy while being true) He is learning what he thinks about himself is the most important belief.

    • Wow Dusty, fantastic info and examples. Thank you. Sounds like you are absolutely amazing with your son.

      I have a question about the bit you termed ‘book stuff’, if you don’t mind. You said: “When you are trying reach someone with this degree of coping mechanisms, advance carefully. Tugging one emotion, one thought too hard and you could cause serious damage.” What if one is trying to do just this, but yourself? Is that possible? Would your coping mechanism override what you are doing every time? How would you begin to unravel that mechanism of avoidance by ‘death’ of feeling? Particularly if you have a strong mind that is not going to ‘fall for’ what it sees as tricks like blowing things out of proportion.

      • When you are trying to unravel another person, you can convince them to drop a coping mechanism which might leave them feeling vulnerable and/or cause them to create new coping mechanisms if you don’t get to the core belief.

        Do you want to know the true secret to how your head works? You form most of your ideas about the world between the ages of 3-8 years old. So most of your ideas are creations of what you felt, what you observed and what you thought others thought as a child. Before you think I am setting up camp in Freud’s backyard, bare with me. This is as simple as I can put it.

        There are usually only four areas anyone wants to change in their lives money, relationships, confidence or health.

        Money. Let’s say every time you get any money you blow it all instantly. Your bills come due and you have to scramble to pay even part of them. Why do you do this even though you tell yourself you are not going to do it again? Find the core belief.

        Look at the person at 6 or 7, how does their parent react to money? In this scenario, the parent probably displayed the bills were stealing all their money. Money was hard to come by and even when they got it, it wasn’t theirs. The child saw, felt and internalized everything. Now that they are an adult, they are trying not to be like the their parent. They spend all their money (the coping mechanism is to claim their money before it is stolen by the bill collectors) yet they are trying to function in a world where they have to pay the light bill.

        This person just by seeing their core belief has already began to change it. To begin to release those feelings, thoughts surrounding money, they can blow them up to the exaggerated level. Honestly, they know the light company is not a thief who sneaks into their life to steal their money while operating under the idea they are a thief who steals their money. Seeing it for what it is helps but picturing the light company in ski masks and striped jumpers doing a bank heist lets them emotionally feel how silly this idea is and they are open to change.

        Relationships are the same way. The relationship they had with their parents are a reflection of how they will react in their adult relationships. Let’s say the subject is looking for Mr. Right. They have all the qualities listed out they want yet they keep attracting Mr. RightNow. He has very few of the qualities they are hoping for. Why do they keep doing this?

        Once again, look at their parent relationships. Their father was not in the picture and their mother continually reminded the child men are useless and not necessary. The child rebels by believing they need a man while holding the belief they are useless so they keep attracting those who would have the “useless qualities”. How do they blow it up?

        This can vary. They can picture the need and freeing themselves of the need because they are Super Duper Woman, complete with cape watching guys being shot at them like bullets only to bounce off their jello like chest. They could also picture themselves at a “guy store” pointing nope, nope, nope, yep. Allowing them to feel/be in control of who they invite into their lives.

        (This works with letting yourself off the hook with crazy psycho women too.)

        Confidence covers a lot of things, how you feel about yourself and how you perceive others feel about you which can manifest really strange behaviors. Let’s say a person can not get one project completed on time, under budget if it is even completed at all. The coping mechanism is saying, “I need the stress of a deadline to get this job done,” so they squander the time given and try to get it all done in the last ten minutes.

        Again, them as kids. They probably had a parent who yelled at the kid “you never get things done right,” the parent would only have to say this once at the right time or with the right emotion for the kid to make this a way of life. The rebellion is they will get things done right… yet it takes them way too long OR they give it up to save themselves the pain not being able to do it right.

        They can see the belief, picture the parent singing opera instead of yelling and insert what they actually believe about themselves. (Confidence could actually take days to write about)

        Health. Let’s say the kid found they got lots of extra attention being sick so they make sure they are sick. Seeing this starts the change.

        The core belief is what you are looking for. Making it silly allows you to see the belief as it really is, a collection of silly emotions, thoughts and responses to the belief.

        It all looks so simple in this answer BUT you have to remember your head lies. If you ask yourself “why am I sad,” your head will grab all the reasons it can find. You are sad because your dog ran away from home, your favorite book isn’t at the library, your third grade teacher was mean, your mom wasn’t the perfect June Cleaver, and so on. The truth may be all of those things or it may just be that you had a surge of brain chemicals and you chose to label that sad.

        When looking for a core belief, look honestly. You are not a victim of your life. Soooo, it is not your ex boyfriend who took off with your favorite pair of shoes and the dog who caused you to build a panic room for your shoes. It is YOUR reaction to the situation which caused the effect. When trying to find your core beliefs, get rid of the excuses. Why did I build a panic room for my shoes? I felt the need for safety. Safety for just your shoes or do the shoes represent you in some way?

        • Wow…nicely said. It’s like LOA and Psychology had a baby named “DUSTY”. You seem to have a beautiful balance of the physical and non-physical of the human experience. And we can expect the book WHEN? 🙂

          • I might when I become Chronos Great Master of All Manifestation. (I am so not there yet.)

        • Great explanations, Dusty! Now, once we have identified these beliefs and where they came from, how do we best deal? How can we overcome them?

          As I child, I soothed myself from all torment brought about by parents. It is hard for me to come to terms with it now, especially since the mind loves to go there and pick at memories and point fingers at people. How can who we really are prevail once and for all? Just being happy is a great first step as is acknowledging the past and understanding the origins of limiting beliefs.

          • With a situation like this, you have to give up the could’ves, would’ves, should’ves, if onlys and the need to be right. The stories usually go something like this “I would have been happier if only they wouldn’t have done this,” “they should have done this,” and “it could have turned out like this.” And darn it your brain knows you are right!

            This happened. The hurt was real then. The continuing hurt is you still trying to figure out how not to make you not hurt all those years ago. The person who has been kicking your butt for a number of years isn’t your parents. It’s you. Can you ever feel bad enough to change what happened? Can you ever hate or get angry enough at your parents to change those moments? And through all of this, back and forth, anger at them, pissed off at how it all didn’t turn out, you have forgotten the most important person in this whole scene. You, the little version.

            Picture that little person in their safe spot. Picture the way their hair looks, the color of their eyes, the clothing, is there a smell, doritoes, beer, cigarettes, tea, bread? Stand there and look at this forgotten person. Say to them “look at you, I am proud of you. I love you. You did the best you could in this time. It’s been pretty noisy and scary. It’s okay now, it’s all gone. You can come out of hiding and have some fun.” Let that little person get from under the blankets or where ever they would hid. Hug them, see them smile. Feel how good it feels to see them smile.

            Realize that is you. You don’t live in that drama any more. You don’t even need to visit that drama. If you want, you can visit that forgotten little person. You have been visiting this angry place for a long time so you will keep trying to go back. But at the moment you pictured that little person, you were telling yourself, I accept that this happened.

            You always knew it had happened but you were fighting it. You were trying to change it. No changing, no fighting, it just was what happened. There are a whole bundle of thoughts and feelings wrapped up around the situation. Since you are an adult, you can choose to let them go. Maybe not all at once, you have been feeling this for a long time. Ask yourself how long should you feel it? A day, a week, a month, a year or maybe even a whole decade?

            Forgive yourself, you were a little person then, you couldn’t change it. Accept your parents. Sitting around disliking them in that time is like you drinking poison and expecting them to die. It doesn’t work that way. Accept this was who they were, they did this and you are freeing yourself from what they did. It happened but you are making a choice to let it go.

            Afterwards, cry, be sad a little but be proud of the little person who is now grown up and ready to face the past as it was. Once you do that, you can face your future as it is.

          • Dusty,

            That was beautiful!!!!!! I deeply appreciate your input.

            My parents never released fear, but analyzing them is not my purpose. Walk away or even hang up. I have control of the situation. I am not stuck anymore, yes, you are right. These techniques are effective, it is just that I am sensitive and my mind does numbers on me, but I do not have to buy into it. Sensitivity is great, if used properly, so to speak.

            Since I have discovered LOA, though, things have gotten a lot better!

            Bless you!

          • Once you deal with the past and understand that the way people reacted and acted towards you had actually nothing to do with you – then this “little me” appears. This is when you experience what loving you feels like. The real you, and not the you that others told you / made you feel that you were. Well explained Dusty, thanks.

  • Melody, your advise was an astounding example of Ho?oponopono. (If you take complete responsibility for your life then everything and everyone is your responsibility because it is your life. The issue is not with your subject but within you that is why you attracted them to you. To change their vibrations, you have to change your vibrations because they are only mirroring what you need to work on within you.)

    I don’t see a lot of difference between psychology and vibrational stabilization. The limiting beliefs are what keep people from moving forward emotional, mentally and vibrationally. How do you find those limiting beliefs? You dig around in your head till something shows up. You divest yourself of the false or unnecessary beliefs to raise your vibrations. Same thing with psych, you get rid of those beliefs that no longer serve you.

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