Awesome Christian asks: “Although it might sound unconventional, I am attracted to older women, so how would I apply the LOA to attract into my reality women that are also attracted to younger men? Or better said how to attract THEM to ME? I have never had any experience of the kind so this will be deliberately receiving something totally new and unfamiliar. Please give me the steps and I will follow them faithfully!”

Dear Awesome Christian,

Attracting older women is the same as attracting any other woman. It’s all about figuring out what you want and aligning yourself with it. There is no characteristic or quality that you can’t attract if you’re aligned with it. So, let’s take a look at how to do that, using this example, or in other words, let’s get you that cougar! Ha.

Why do you like older women?

The first thing you’ll want to dissect is what exactly attracts you to older women. You see, age in and of itself, really doesn’t matter. You can find a 20 year old with certain qualities and an 80 year old with certain qualities. And while it’s possible that some qualities are more prevalent in certain age groups, I don’t think it’s a good idea to limit yourself in any way when it comes to manifesting what you truly want.

So, ask yourself what it is that you like so much about the older ladies. Is it their maturity? Their emotional stability? Their financial stability? The fact that they don’t play as many games? The fact that they know what they want? Their wisdom? Their life experience? Are you beginning to see that these qualities can’t really be attributed to any single age? A woman of 40 might have a ton of life experience she can share with you, for example, or she could have been more sheltered than you. Please note that I’m not discouraging you from being attracted to women who are older than you, I’m just saying that you should focus on the qualities you really want, instead of just the age. You don’t really want to attract a woman who is older, but doesn’t have the qualities you’re actually looking for. Or, to put it another way, don’t focus on only one criteria (one box on your checklist), but all of them. You get to attract a woman who ticks all your boxes, not just one category, which won’t necessarily match everything you want. It’s time to get detailed.

Make your list

As you make your list, you’ll most likely find quite a few characteristics that have nothing to do with age at all (kindness, sense of humor, etc.). Keep adding adjectives and criteria until you feel you’ve covered all the bases. Don’t forget to add “She’s just as attracted to me as I am to her.” This is just another characteristic you’re looking for.

Next, think of what you DON’T want in a woman. Make a separate list of those qualities. For example, you might not want a woman who is unfaithful. Or one who nags you. Or one who wants to get married and have babies so desperately she’s willing to drug you, drag you to Vegas and marry you before you wake up. We’ve all had experiences with past partners that we’d rather not repeat. Don’t keep those fears in your head – get them out on paper.

Next, choose words that represent the opposite of what you DON’T want and add them to your list of desired qualities. For example, if you don’t want a woman who is unfaithful, you might then write down “faithful” on your list of positives. Do this for all the negatives you’re afraid of.

What you’re doing here is making sure your list is complete. If, for example, you’re afraid of a woman who will be mean to you, because you went out with a bitchy gal at some point earlier in your life, then that will always be in the back of your mind. If you don’t directly contradict that fear by focusing on a woman who has the opposite quality – kindness – you’ll inadvertently continue to focus on what you don’t want. You attract what you are afraid of. The antidote is to focus on what you actually want, instead.

Refine your list

Once you’ve made your list, it’s time to make sure the words you’ve chosen actually align you with what you want. This is the step that most people overlook, but it’s actually the most important part of this process. If you don’t choose the “right” words, you’re not going to be lining up with the frequency of what you want, and you can’t attract it.

What are the right words? They’re the words that elicit a strong, positive emotional reaction from you. They’re not just words that sound positive, they actually have to feel positive. So, these words are going to be unique to you. While books and articles can help by giving you examples, no one can tell you which precise words will be perfect for you (unless they’re working one on one with you and can read your energy). Yep, you’re actually going to have to do the work on this one.

The difference between how words feel can seem subtle at first, but the results can differ drastically.

For example, if you don’t want a woman who is unfaithful, you may write down “faithful” on your list of positive qualities. Only, when you think or say the word “faithful”, what you’re really thinking is “NOT unfaithful”. You’re actually activating the frequency of what you don’t want.

So, you play around with different synonyms. These can be words or phrases that all basically mean “faithful”, but with subtle differences. You might try “committed”, “loyal”, “loves me deeply”, or “adores me”. If none of those work, go a little deeper. Isn’t what you really want to feel safe in a relationship, to not have to worry about cheating, and to be able to completely trust your partner? Perhaps phrases such as “I trust her completely” and “I feel safe with her” will elicit a much stronger positive response from you.

Don’t half ass it

This step is simple but not easy. Don’t skip it and don’t half ass it. Coming up with the right list can yield instant results (the last time I did this for myself, I manifested a guy who checked every box on my wish list within 4 days. That’s right, 4 freaking days. And this was not a list that most “non-LOA” people would’ve considered even close to “realistic”.)

By the way, you can make this list whether you’re in a relationship or not. You’re always evolving and so must your relationships. You can decide to evolve haphazardly, scattering your focus all over the place, or you can decide to focus laser like on what you want, so you can keep getting that. Your relationships don’t have to go up and down randomly, they can just get better and better and better.

The key is that your own, personal list, must feel really, really good to you. Keep playing around with words and phrases until you find just the right ones. If you do this right, the very act of creating the list will line you up with what you want. Then, you can just put it away and go focus on something else. Or, if you prefer, you can focus on it periodically just because it feels so damn good. Don’t make this an obligation or chore. And yes, you can cut out pictures that represent the partner you want and look at them every day. Just make sure these images elicit the awesome feelings from you that you’ve created by making your list.

A few tips about older women (and dating in general)

Now that we’ve gone over the basic (but powerful!) technique of how to attract your ideal partner, let me address some of the fears about attracting older women that I picked up on in your question.

Many older women are attracted to younger men. Not all, of course, but many. So attracting an older woman won’t be difficult for you. Now, while some women are attracted to the bamby-esque innocence of younger men, looking for a woman like that isn’t necessarily the best idea. If you want a real partner, you don’t want your future soul mate to look at you as though you’re a kid who knows nothing and can be formed into whatever she wants. This is manipulative and this kind of controlling behavior actually comes from fear. Women who have been treated badly by men may be looking for someone whom they can “train” into being what they want. This is not a recipe for respect and mutual adoration.

Seek out women who appreciate you for you, regardless of age. Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean that you don’t have just as much to offer her as she does you. You bring enthusiasm and fun to the table (plus, let’s face it, women appreciate the younger male body just as much as men appreciate that quality in younger women). You have intuitive wisdom, interests, and knowledge of your own. You can expose her to new experiences, too, not just the other way around. Chances are, you can teach her just as much as she can teach you. She may know more than you about business, for example, but you might know a great deal more about creativity, or certain kinds of books or movies, or the nightlife in your town. Do not go into a relationship with anyone thinking they have more to offer than you do. This will create an imbalance that will bite you in the ass in the long run.

Keeping the qualities you bring to the table in mind will also make you far more attractive to older women (or any women, or men, or whatever). No one wants to be in a relationship with a lump of clay who just sits there waiting to be entertained and inspired (except people acting out of fear, and they don’t really want that kind of relationship, they just think it’s safer than the alternative they currently have access to). Of course, this also requires that you do some work on yourself. If, for example, you feel that you’re not worthy of the partner you want, then you’d do well to clean that up before going cougar hunting. Or, if you just want someone to take care of you and make you feel safe (like a mommy or daddy), you might want to take a look at why you don’t feel safe in the first place. No partner will ever be able to defy your vibration, so if you don’t feel safe, they won’t be able to mirror that feeling back to you.

Bottom line

You get to want what you want. And you get to attract what you want. The Universe is awesome like that. If older women are your thing, you don’t have to be ashamed of that. If tall men, plump girls, or people of a certain color rock your boat, there’s nothing wrong with that. You get to have your own, very specific preferences. You may not want to share those preferences with everyone – some people are going to be offended by any characteristic on your list that doesn’t describe them, as if you’d just personally called them unattractive (go to any forum and write “I find thin girls more attractive than plump ones” and see what happens…). These people are not good candidates for you to discuss your list with. Also stay away from anyone who’s too “realistic”. As I said, my own list tends to be quite out there, and yet the Universe has no trouble delivering whatever I can line up with. Only share your list with people who get that, and yes, this may mean that you don’t discuss your list with anyone.

If you’d like some help coming up with the perfect list, and private coaching isn’t an option for you, check out this pre-recorded coaching call: She’s Tired of Blah Guys and Wants to Attract Her Soul Mate. It gives a perfect example for how to feel your way through your list to come up with soul, heart and yes, crotch rocking words. Hummana. Hummana.

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  • Would a straight man attracted to both tall and short women be unable to remain faithful to a tall girlfriend? Would a lesbian woman attracted to both musicians and engineers be unable to commit to a guitarist?

  • Melody, what an AWESOME post. I have always heard about the LOA list of qualities you want. I have NEVER heard or thought to create a list of qualities I DON’T want and then add their opposite. You are amazing!!! So glad LOA reeled me into you blog!!! Thanks times 1,000,000 again.

    With lots ofl love,

  • @John, I initially didn’t like you when I first read your comments but my vibe towards you now is pretty happy and positive. It’s not your fault I felt this way, it’s a previous wound that resurfaced reading your comment. I was that older woman who spoilt the younger man. He was ten years my junior and being the one doing all the giving (because he was hot even to young women), I began to feel used. It’s doomed to begin with (or atleast temporary) because anyone who feels they are being used is not going to be happy.
    I’m such a firm believer in LOA particularly lists for our soulmate but at the end of the day, how long that relationship lasts comes back to basic biology and what we desire. If you really want a woman like that make sure your list states, she does all that and loves doing ONLY that. Personally only a selfish man who lacks compassion and empathy would want his older woman to do all the giving. I’m speaking about the ex, not you.

  • “A few tips about older women (and dating in general) If you want a real partner, you don’t want your future soul mate to look at you as though you’re a kid who knows nothing and can be formed into whatever she wants.”

    Be buggered I wouldn’t , if she is willing to pay for everything , lavishly provides cars , clothes , expensive holidays etc & anything else my little heart desires just so she can have her little toy boy to play with & doesn’t mind if I stray off course now & again then I say bring it on (I think in my previous life I must have been a gigolo or maybe even casonova or something) because this sounds good to me – hey let’s party there’s fun times to be had.

    YES Mel , I’m only joking keep your pants on , I can just imagine you reading the first part thinking who is this prick , who does he think he is wanting an older woman to take care of him – hey you have to admit having an older chick spoiling a guy like that does sound like a prefect situation to be in to a lot of guys.

  • Big thanks again Melody! I believe your guidance is most beneficial when someone really immerses themselves in it. I want to hear it, read it, meditate it, and write it. Your insights are so clear, honest, friendly and humorous. Your guidance and suggestions simple, to the point, and trustworthy. What more can I say? You Rock!! Jai

  • I love this, Melody! Thank you!

    Focusing on the feeling the words evoke is so helpful. It’s never the words themselves, but how they feel! I’m going to use this technique for everything!



  • Dem crotch rocking words xD! I made my little-big list and it felt pretty awesome, and I totally believe I am good enough for this guy in my notepad. I have this beautiful vision of a tall, muscular man with dark hair and bright eyes, pridefully holding up one of our soon-to-be twin sons to the sky with a huge smile on his face <3

    I hope that pretty picture helps someone else with their visions as well 🙂

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