Awesome Dudette writes: “Dear Magical Melody, I have been studying LOA every day for the last 2 years. I have had some very nice results on a few things. But something goes very wrong when I spend time being grateful. Two examples: First, I am walking in a beautiful park thinking and thinking of how great my life is: my job, my boyfriend then the next day I get laid off and I find out that my boyfriend is married. #2 I get in my car one morning thinking how great it is to have a car that starts right up every morning and is so reliable. Then next morning I go out and my car won’t start. WTF? Can you tell me what is going on here????”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

First of all, thanks for the “Magical Melody”, although it does kind of sound like some kind of street drug (think about it. You can’t unhear it…). Ha.

Second, I’m glad you gave me two examples, because there can be two possible causes to what you’re describing, and you’ve perfectly set me up to explore both. You go girl.

Pure Gratitude

When you’re putting yourself into a state of gratitude, you’re reaching for quite a high vibration. You’re thankful for something positive that’s come into your life. If you’re in a pure state of gratitude, you’ll be aligning yourself with the energy of what you want. This is a good thing. We’ll talk about the not-so-pure state of gratitude in a second.

When you align yourself with the energy of Who You Really Are and what you really want, your physical reality is going to have to mirror that back to you. This means, shit’s gonna change, y’all. Sometimes it changes a little, sometimes it changes a lot. Sometimes crap you don’t like is going to gravitate right out of your experience, making room for stuff you want. Douchebags go out, while Happy Shiny Puppies come in. Sometimes, this can be experienced as stressful, for example, when you lose your crappy job, which you’ve always hated. The key, of course, is not to panic when stuff starts to morph (and therefore mess up your vibration), but to trust that your focus on good feeling stuff is lining you up with what you want.

What doesn’t serve you gravitates out

So, in other words, the situations that don’t match what you really want begin to gravitate right out of your experience. And sometimes, what doesn’t match may surprise you.

Your boyfriend didn’t just get married. He was married the whole time. You simply didn’t see it (or didn’t choose to see it. Your filters, or the way you were focused, didn’t allow the evidence of that marriage to enter into your reality). So, you were going out with a two-timing jerk the whole time. By aligning yourself with the energy of what you really want (and I’m guessing you don’t want to be dating a married guy), you were able to see more evidence. Your situation became clear. What hadn’t been serving you popped right up so you could make changes, and therefore make room for the dreamboat you really want. You can’t attract what you want while holding on to what you don’t want. And that’s true even if the stuff in your life seems like something you want, even though it isn’t.

The jerk you were dating revealed himself to be a jerk. The Universe simply shone a spotlight on what was already there, so you could kick him to the curb.

The same thing almost certainly happened with your job – it was probably not a match to what you really wanted. This doesn’t necessarily mean it was horrible. Things don’t have to be BAD to not be a match to what you really want to create. They may simply not be as fabulous as what you truly want.

“Not Bad” is not the goal

You see, most people are under the impression that the goal of this Law of Attraction work (and therefore life), is to eliminate pain and suffering. And it is. But that’s not the whole goal. We’re not here to simply be ok, to just be NOT in pain, to be NOT sick, or to live in ways that are NOT horrible. The idea is not to simply get to mediocre. “Not Bad” is not the top of the scale, it’s merely the middle. There’s this whole other side of the spectrum that reaches from “Not Bad” to “OH MY FREAKING GAWD THIS IS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!”, and beyond. So, situations don’t have to be painful to qualify as not good enough. Dream a little bigger, will ya?

We’re coming into an era now where security isn’t a good enough reason to give up joy. It never was a good reason, of course, but we’re now starting to realize more and more, en masse, that it’s just not worth it. So, just because you have a job that doesn’t cause you to complain too much, is no reason to not reach for a WAY better one. Remember, not bitching about something is not the same as joyfully raving about it.

Not complaining about something is not the same as being happy. Dream bigger.

Don’t see change as a bad thing

What makes you think that getting laid off wasn’t the best thing that could’ve happened to you? Why do you assume it’s a bad thing? When you reach for your new life, the old one has to fall away. You can’t build a new house without tearing down the old one. If you’re lining up with what you want, and you’re in a high vibration (evidenced by the good feeling it generates), the changes that are happening in your life will always be for your benefit. They are moving you closer to what you want. The only thing that can possibly go wrong is that you interpret these changes as negative, freak out, and let fear take over. In that case, you can stop the positive manifestation (dream job, dream guy) from coming to you. This is generally what people do, and then they proclaim that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work, or that they’re broken somehow. All that’s happened is that they got half way there and stopped the car to get out and bitch about the scenery. Don’t do that.

Not So Pure Gratitude

The car that wouldn’t start could also have been part of a positive manifestation. Perhaps it also wasn’t a match to what you truly wanted, and a better car was on its way. Taking the car to the shop could’ve led to circumstances that brought the new car to you.

There is another explanation, however. And that is that your state of gratitude was laced with impurities (can’t seem to get the drug metaphor out of my head. Just you wait and see, someone will come up with a strain of weed called “Magic Melody”. Remember where you heard it first). In other words, as you focus on being grateful about something, you’re actually, unknowingly, focusing on a contradictory thought.

You may have a belief, for example, that cars are unreliable which you’re not entirely aware of. This program is always running, even as you focus on gratitude. Since you’re not aware of it, you need a manifestation to show you what you’re really focusing on, in its entirety, meaning all aspects of your vibration. Don’t worry, nothing has gone wrong. The manifestation is always there to serve you, even when it’s mirroring your resistance back at you.

So, in this case, you’ll want to explore the feeling that the broken down car evoked from you. Then, sit with that feeling for a little bit and ask yourself if anything else is going on in your life that feels just like that. Let memories (old and new, it doesn’t matter) that match this vibration pop up. You’ll soon see a pattern. There’s something you haven’t been dealing with. It’s important to note that the broken down car wouldn’t necessarily reflect a belief that has to do with cars. It might make you feel helpless, for example, because there’s a general feeling of helplessness in your relationship with your family, and there was no better way to show you this than by making your car break down. Don’t take the manifestations too literally, just focus on the feeling. It’s all about the vibration, not the specific manifestation.

Either way, it’s all about feeling good

Now, I can already hear many of you asking “But how can I tell the difference between a good manifestation and a bad one?” The good news is that you don’t have to. All manifestations are “good”. They all serve you. If you can just keep that mindset, look for the most positive feeling thought you can find and focus on feeling good, you can’t go wrong.

But, for you over thinkers out there (and let’s face it, that’s pretty much my whole audience) here’s a little step by step guide to help keep you from freaking out, doing a 180 and messing up your awesome manifestations:

Step 1:

How have you been feeling? Have you been positively focused or negatively focused? If you’ve been feeling good and focusing on what you want (i.e. not complaining about what you don’t want, how long the good stuff is taking to get here, or bitching about anything, really), chances are good that the stuff that’s gravitating out is simply making room for better stuff.

Action: Stay positively focused and keep feeling good.

Step 2a:

How does the manifestation feel? Does it feel good? Does it feel really good if you take away the fear and just assume, for a moment, that this is a positive thing? If the manifestation feels good (possibly even great), you’re on the right track.

Action: Stay positively focused and keep feeling good.

Step 2b:

How does the manifestation feel? Does it feel bad? If so, how exactly? Is this just fear of change coming up, or is it something else? Do you feel anger, frustration, annoyance, resentment, etc.?

Action: Sit with the feeling and ask yourself what other situations in your current life feel like that. This manifestation is trying to get your attention. Let it. Look for the message. You’ve been looking at a situation in a way that doesn’t feel good. Figure out what that thought is and find a better feeling perspective. In other words, focus more positively and feel good (see what I did there?).

Bottom line

You’re always reaching for more, you ambitious little bugger you (and yes, I’m talking to all of you.) Don’t ever be satisfied with mediocrity, or situations that are just “not bad”. Don’t be afraid to let change in. As long as you’re focusing in a good feeling way, you won’t lose what you’ve already become a match to. You won’t have to give up the experiences you’ve already manifested. They will become better. But in order to experience better, you have to allow the old manifestations, the ones that served you yesterday, to gravitate out. If you want to climb up the ladder, you have to be willing to take your foot off the freaking rung you’re on.

Assume that whatever is happening is happening on your behalf. Because it is. Always. No exceptions. You’re more supported than you can ever fully realize. Stop fearing the unknown. Stop dreading change. Stop interpreting it as a bad thing. Point yourself in the direction you want to go in (the one that feels best) and charge ahead! Rinse and repeat. It really is as simple as that.