In my recent post Dear LOA: Is It Ok To Enjoy Reality TV Shows, I mentioned that I’d watched a season of a show called The X Factor. I discussed how I’d actually gotten quite a bit of benefit from a television show which, at first glance, doesn’t seem to hold many spiritual or life lessons. Today, I’d like to highlight one of the insights I think this show presents.
The show’s premise is simple: It’s essentially a talent competition, where contestants are asked to give more and more challenging performances and celebrity judges decide who goes through to the next round. The performers are a mix of seasoned professionals and incredibly talented individuals who have little or no experience in front of actual audiences. As you can imagine, with so many people watching (millions) and a recording contract on the line, nerves come into play in a big way. After each contestant performs, they are asked to remain on stage while the judges give their feedback. And it’s during this time that something interesting happens: The contestants often break down with self-criticism. There they are, just having performed to millions of people, one of the biggest opportunities an artist could hope for, and all they can think of is “I should’ve done better.” During one episode, as a contestant began to fall apart after they had given an amazing performance, one of the judges ran up to her, hugged her, looked her in the eye and firmly said: “This is your moment. Take your moment.” And the contestant understood. She composed herself and calmed down. It was as though she realized where she was, what she had just accomplished, and began to focus on what was going on in front of her. She looked more confident and she even began to smile a bit as she appreciated the cheers from the audience and the energy in the room. She took her moment.
Ok, so what the hell does this have to do with you or the Law of Attraction? I’m glad you asked! You see, what this show highlighted was that many of us are guilty of not taking our moment. We’re so busy living in our heads, overthinking things, dissecting and criticizing, that we often fail to see what’s going on right in front of us. And in so doing, we often miss out on or even ruin what could potentially be the best moments of our lives (thus far). Let me give you some examples:
How you throw your moment away
- If someone comes over to your house, do you immediately begin to apologize for the imperfections that no one but you cares about? Do you worry about what they’re thinking, how they might be judging you, or if they’re as comfortable as they could be?
- When you host a dinner, do you spend most of your time serving people, making sure that everyone else has a good time, while they repeatedly beg you to sit the hell down already?
- When you’re giving a presentation at work, are you so worried about what your boss or coworkers think that you don’t even remember how you made it through the damn thing, you’re just glad you did?
- When you’re in a conversation, are you frequently worried that you’re talking too much, too long, too loud, or just outright boring them?
- When you’re having sex, are you so focused on your partner’s pleasure that you can’t fully let go and experience your own?
- Can you get through a conversation without checking your smartphone?
- Do you try to multitask?
- Are you often worrying about the next 12 things you have to do, in an effort to be prepared for anything, so you can’t be blindsided?
What taking your moment really means
You see, “taking your moment” doesn’t have anything to do with performing. It’s all about being in the NOW, being fully present and enjoying the moment you’re in at this very second. We are designed to have a very narrow focus, so that we can have a very specific experience. As part of this design, we do not have the ability to hold more than one thought at a time. We can try (this is called multitasking), but the best we can do is to quickly switch back and forth between thoughts. True multitasking is not possible for us. We cannot be fully present in two experiences at the same time. You’re either fully here, or you’re not.
So, when you’re at dinner and you’re checking your emails or worrying about what happened at work today, you’re not fully present. Instead of really tasting your food with all its carefully crafted flavor, and appreciating the chef’s talent, hard work and creativity, you’re merely going through the mechanical motions of eating. Instead of experiencing the nuances of the conversation you’re sort of involved in, hearing not just the words spoken but the unsaid meaning behind them, seeing the body language, the look in your partner’s eyes, and feeling their energy, you’re catching glimpses of information, figuring that if you get a few details here and there you can piece together the gist of what’s being said. If you’re hosting a dinner and spending all of your time running around, being the waitress, you’re missing the conversation, the laughs, and may even be having the opposite effect to the one you were trying to achieve: instead of making your guest more comfortable, you’re actually making it impossible for them to enjoy your company, one of the reasons they came to YOUR house.
The point is that when we’re not fully present, we miss out. And since our reality is essentially all about us, since our entire lives are just a series of OUR MOMENTS strung together, missing our moments means missing out on life itself, on our purpose for being here. This is how you merely exist rather than live. You have to take your moment, each and every moment, and as often as possible. I know, I know, that’s easier said than done. So here are some tips to help you take more of your moments.
How to take your moment
The first thing you want to do is to practice being present. Here’s an easy trick you can use to help you to step into the NOW: Stop whatever it is you’re doing and close your eyes. Take ten deep breaths. Now listen. What do you hear? Listen for even the tiniest sounds, traffic, birds singing, the refrigerator humming. As you listen, you’ll hear more and more. Then, what do you smell? Take your time. It may take you a few minutes to realize you’re smelling anything at all. Now feel. What can you feel? Become aware of your skin. Is the air hot or cold? Do you feel a breeze? What about your clothes? How do they feel on your skin? Is the fabric soft or rather rough? Are the clothes tight or loose? Are you comfortable? After you do this for a few minutes, you’ll automatically feel calmer. You’ll be more present. By paying attention to your senses, particularly those other than sight (unless you are blind, sight is the sense you rely on the most, so the means by which you get most of your information. Blind people should focus first on their senses other than hearing), you force yourself to pay attention to what’s going on NOW. You can take this much further, by engaging all your senses in any experience you have. In a restaurant, for example, what are you smelling, hearing, tasting and feeling?
Next, give yourself permission to be truly and positively selfish. This means that you need to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself first, that you do not put the needs of others ahead of your own. Others can be a very close second, but you need to come first. There’s a reason that airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first in the event of an emergency. If you try to tend to another person before you take care of your own needs, you’ll probably both die. That would be what we, in the business, call a “Lose/Lose” scenario. Make the decision that you get to feel good, not AFTER everyone else feels good, but FIRST. You see, you have no control over how they feel, so if you can only relax once everyone else is happy, you’ll never get to sit down again (feel familiar anyone?). Tell yourself: “I get to come first”. Practice it until you start to mean it.
Finally, BE more selfish, and no, I don’t mean in a “You can all go screw yourselves, mommy is getting drunk every night” kind of way. Being truly selfish means not doing more than you truly want to do and then blaming others for how stressed out you feel. It means not being so arrogant to think that other people are too weak to do anything for themselves, or so humble and self-deprecating that you think it would be rude to ask them to. It means letting go of unimportant details that no one cares about, when focusing on them brings you anything but joy. Here are some examples of what I mean:
- If you’re hosting a party, ask everyone to help. Your guests can set the table, open wine, buzz people into the building, help set up chairs, etc. Serve everything as a buffet or family style, so you can prepare the food ahead of time (or do Pot Luck!) and then sit the hell down. Once you’re down, don’t get up. This is your moment. You worked hard to get everything ready, so this is your reward. If someone needs a drink, let them serve themselves. Oh, and while they’re up, could they be a gem and get another bottle of wine? People are usually glad to help out when given a chance to. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that if they wanted to help, they would just jump and in and do so. It’s awkward to just take over in someone else’s house and most people won’t. Also, keep in mind that no one wants to inconvenience you. If your guests know that wanting another glass of water means that you’ll go scurrying off to the kitchen again, they’re less likely to ask you for it. If they can serve themselves, they’re more likely to relax and consume what they want. Your guests will not only survive the humiliation and torture that is having to get up to get their own spoon/drink/second helping, they’ll actually appreciate the freedom to do so. After all, you don’t go to the bathroom for them, either, right?
- Turn your phone off. If you’re having a coffee/lunch/dinner or any lengthy conversation with someone, don’t check your phone. The texts and mails will be there later, I promise. Unless you’re waiting for a call from the President and you have the launch codes, it can wait. Remember, you’re either here or you’re not. Technology can make your life easier. It’s not supposed to rob you of the experience altogether. When you’re reading emails, read emails (if you’re checking them now and answering them later, that means you’re reading them twice, which is a huge waste of time). When you’re talking to someone, talk and listen. Be here fully or don’t bother. Having half a conversation isn’t fun for anyone, least of all you.
- Stop worrying about the future. The future is simply a fictional story that you’re telling yourself. When you worry, all you’re doing is telling yourself a crappy story. But, by doing so, you’re making it much more likely that you’ll be attracting that crappy future. You get what you focus on. So, if you are worrying about the future NOW, then your next NOW will be filled with evidence of that worry. If you’re present and appreciating and happy NOW, then your next NOW will be filled with evidence of that. There’s no easier way to line up with a wonderful future than to fully take your moment NOW and appreciate it for all its worth.
- Understand that when you worry about what others think of you, when you’re worried about how you’re coming across, you set energy in motion that makes them see you differently. In other words, you can make them judge you by worrying about them judging you. I had this experience myself just recently. I was with my Master Mind group, a truly exceptional group of incredibly powerful female healers, when I had a moment of vulnerability. We often help each other shift energy when we meet. I noticed that as I was talking, one of the women seemed to be squirming in her seat, getting a bit tense, perhaps bored. In that moment, I became aware of my worry that I was taking up too much time, too much “space”. I shared my worry with the group (because that’s how we roll) and something amazing came to light. The second I began to worry, this woman began to become aware of how long I’d been talking. Up until that point, she had been fully appreciating the benefit of the conversation. My insecurity had caused her to react to it, even in her own mind. And the second that I released that insecurity, the whole group felt my energy increase. The benefit I offered others just by being in the room increased, and not just a little bit. What a powerful reminder that worrying even the teensiest bit about what others are thinking about us has a detrimental effect on the entire experience and actually keeps us from shining as brightly as we could. Wow. So when we worry about how we’re affecting others, we actually begin to influence them negatively. It all starts with us.
I’ve made “Take your moment” my new mantra. Like those contestants being on a stage in front of millions, we are all always on a stage, giving the performance of our lives. Literally. We can either take our moment and enjoy the crap out of it, or we can let it pass by, never to return. Sure, there will be other moments, but not exactly like this one. And THIS one. And THIS one… The Universe is putting on the best show EVER right there in front of us, and we get to star in it, but unless we pay attention to it, unless we take our moment in the present, NOW, we can’t fully enjoy it, benefit from it, or benefit others. When we take our moment, however, and the next and the next, we begin to realize just how amazing this show is. We become aware of just how awesome and cooperative other people are. We begin to really live the way we were meant to live. Life becomes easy, a series of synchronicities perfectly orchestrated for us. Yes, it really is that simple. Just take your moment. Go on. I dare you.
Thanks for the response! 🙂 I was reading the entire thing purely in an energetic perspective and when I read it in an energy perspective, most of it didn’t make sense. And when applying energy in daily lives, this comes to play.
Energetically it may not be the BEST method to sit down and experience what’s going on, with all your senses. Say, you look up and what you see is a pile of mess on your table, the food is awful and when you listen, what you hear is a dog barking. Instead of focusing on what “is” if someone can shift energy and think something else, anything that makes them feel better, the reality will shift immediately. I read this blog and tried to live in the moment by listening and smelling and hearing and seeing and the result was awful. Believe me, when I tried to live in the moment hearing and smelling and seeing as you recommended, I just heard the dog barking and much more inconveniences. But then I applied your energy teaching to shift my energy and I simply got shifted into another place where there was awesome music playing. When I tried to ‘live in the moment’ as you recommended, it backfired. but when I applied “your” energy teaching of shifting my energy, my life changed. Energetically, when someone is aligned, they get good food that is tasty, nice to look and taste and they hear sounds and see what is pleasing. It is always the vibration, not what you “do”.
A housewife can go around cleaning the mess and do all the work, that may be her “zone” and may be perfect for her; but simply because she sits down to chat with the guests in her house without changing her energy, she will not have a better experience. She can sit down, but unless her energy is different, she may have a miserable conversation instead of fun.
I completely completely agree and have always agreed to every single every practice for daily use. Like, I literally stopped cleaning my house after watching your video on using LOA for housecleaning and it worked (and still does) like a magic. It is awesome. I learned everything I know about energy from YOU and I have applied all that I learned from you (energy work) which works wonders. This is supposedly an LOA blog and all this intellectual stuff does NOT align itself well with energy teachings. Like, how does switching off mobile help in an energy perspective? It doesn’t help. If someone is misaligned, upset, angry, disappointed; he can have his mobile off but universe will manage to bring misery to his doorstep. I literally tried this switching off mobile and cutting off contacts thing, but the moment my energy changed, misery walked into my doorstep. It doesn’t matter “what’ one is thinking in the moment. The universe doesn’t care. As long as it is something awesome; it can be about the past/present/future/anything for that matter, as long as the vibration is good, more good stuff will come.
Energetically, technology doesn’t make your life easier. Your vibration does. I had a beautiful apartment with the best electricity facilities and all trappings of technology, but my vibration was low and the power simply didn’t work and I suffered heat for months. My laptop fell down and crashed. Then I sought ‘your’ help and with a simple shift in energy, electricity came in no time and everything started soaring like never before. My laptop got repaired easily with money for it coming easily, through my vibration. I could have sat with the same vibration and all the technology in the world wouldn’t have helped me. My father purchased an inverter, but when my vibes are low, the inverter simply doesn’t work. But I remember your energy teachings and when I apply them, everything works like a dream.
Energetically, if someone is really aligned, they would get guests who would like to clean up, but the cleaning may not come from the guests. It can come in some other way, a mother-in law may help or someone else. Expecting guests to clean up is something like ‘negative sense of entitlement’, that you explained in a video. If the housewife is aligned, the guests may offer to clean up and she may simply get it cleaned some other way. It is as simple as that.
I love all the energy teachings you do; and I appreciate them. There is so much value. However when this is a LOA blog, it should ideally have energy teachings. Someone who genuinely practices energy work will understand that so much of this intellectual teachings are incorrect from an energy perspective. I am simply amazed that someone who knows energy so well, like you, would write this. In fact, you are such an authority on energy that you have quite a lot of credibility. So when you give out intellectual teachings, they are painful to accept. And Mel didn’t start out a blog so that people can ignore what they don’t like. A blog is for people to communicate. It would have genuine comments. Mel being the excellent energy teacher that I know, I expect much more from you. Deep, wonderful energy teachings.
Your intellectual teachings don’t work but Mel taught me its the energy and not action and that ALWAYS works. The energy teachings you give are so beautiful they have dream-like results. That’s all I tried to point out here 🙂
But I also accept the teaching that if “I” am energetically aligned, I will not even see posts I don’t like. I am not aligned these days, which is why I am seeing posts like this and inspired to write comments. If I were aligned, my experience would have been something else. Definitely that is quite a good energy teaching from you. And that’s what we expect from you. Pure, beautiful, awesome energy teachings! 🙂
I am beginning to wonder whether this is a LOA blog or simply a lifestyle blog. From an LOA perspective it is simply silly to keep the phone turned off, or not checking the phone or asking guests to clean up after a party. None of these things make ANY SENSE or any DIFFERENCE in an energy perspective. No matter what anyone “does” or “doesn’t do”, the only thing that matters is the VIBRATION. I have had my wonderful moments, just when the phone rang and I was offered money. I didn’t have to ask any guest to clean up, I simply manifested a maid who loved to clean up. It is a mistake that no one wants to inconvenience you. If your vibration matches an inconvenience, the universe will gather all its resources and send you home the perfect specimens to inconvenience you. I am so shocked these teachings are coming from a teaching who actually knows energy well.
Melody is a good energy teacher, but Melody’s lifestyle and intellectual teachings in the LOA bottle spoils all the fun of energy work. It would be better for Melody to have a separate lifestyle and intellectual blog. Because Mel herself knows NONE of these things she has written above makes any sense in an energy perspective.
Mel’s teachings on energy are amazing and out of the world and I adore her and her energy teachings. I swear always on Mel’s energy teachings; however these lifestyle and intellectual teachings by Mel never work and they simply spoil the actual fun in creating life through energy.
Hey there Gauri,
I understand where you’re coming from, but here’s the thing: my goal for this blog is to not only explain the Law of Attraction, but to help people apply it in their every day lives. In order to do this, I have to get into the specifics of living (and yes, this is culturally biased), so in that sense, this is very much a lifestyle blog.
I must disagree though, that the above makes no sense from an energy perspective. Just because these particular specifics don’t resonate with you, doesn’t make them “wrong”. I actually addressed this in a recent blog post: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2013/08/15/how-do-i-know-what-i-know/.
Since I know you, I’d like to challenge you a bit (and you don’t have to answer here, this is for you to think about): Why did you take the time to write a critical comment, to push against a post that didn’t resonate with you, instead of just letting it go?
Some of my posts are going to be more general. These seem to be the ones that you resonate with the most. Some are going to be much more specific. They are not all written specifically for you (this is the value of coaching, it’s specific to just you), so why would you expect them all to resonate with you? They will not. What you’re saying in your above comment is that you’d prefer if I somehow separated all the posts that resonate with you out, so you wouldn’t have to look at the ones that don’t. Well, I’m sure everyone would like that, and wouldn’t it be great if life was like that? But here’s the thing: That’s precisely the message of LOA. No one will just separate out all the stuff you don’t like. It’s up to you to choose that which you like and focus on it and you can’t do that by pushing against what you don’t like.
My advice to you would be to appreciate those posts that you resonate with, and just ignore the ones you don’t. Do this successfully, and you won’t even notice the posts that aren’t for you any more.
It’s all good. It all has value. You can see the truth in everything if you look for it.
Wow, so I’m right that taking your moment is all about doing/acting NOW. It all makes perfect sense to me now and I thank you for inspiring me today.
A second comment from me on this post. I think this is the first time I have ever commented twice on one of your posts.
I just love the way you describe the energy of what happens when we worry about the future. And your description of the future as simply “a fictional story that we’re telling ourselves” really got my attention. I have never heard it expressed that way before, but that is SO on point!
Thank you, Melody!
I find myself apologizing when anyone comes over to my house. I do this because I am temporarily living in this “house”. It is NOT by any means my “home”. This is currently one of my biggest resistances and I know I really need to start trying to “live in the now” more often. Maybe I should close my eyes every now and then and start imagining that I AM sitting in my “home”? I know I manifested where I am now (I hate it but boy what a kick in the tail it has been to get me off of my butt and take action), but I know I can do better. I guess I get a little confused with “living in the now” and “manifesting/fanticizing” what I really want. I worry sometimes that I might be sabotaging my “living in the now” with “manifesting/fanticizing” or that I might sabotage my “manifesting/fanticizing” with “living in the now”. Does that make sense? This is one of the LOA aspects I’m still a little confused on.
surprisingly insightful – I was not expecting this.
I keep telling myself I’m not good enough for anybody and to myself.
I also worry about the future a lot
you just reminded me that planning for the future is good but worrying about it is just asking for stress. Your tip about making a series of “NOW” moments is an excellent idea.
SK, You ARE good enough. You are PERFECT! In fact you are the best. You must learn to speak to yourself with the kindness you likely show others. What would you say to a baby, just attempting her first steps? “Good girl! You can do it.” Now she falls on her bum and you would say, ‘It’s ok! You’re ok. Just try again. Good, good. You are doing JUST wonderfully.” — YOU deserve the same. Some may find it silly but why would you feel the child deserves the loving tone and reassurance and not you? Pretend you are reassuring a friend who is down. Lost a job, a relationship? You say positive things to them to help them get through. Now do the same for yourself. You are positively deserving of Love and Self-Love. It is a lesson I am still learning. I have dogs, not kids, and throughout the day I am reassuring and praising them. The older one sometimes slips and falls because she has become a bit wobbly. Like to the baby I say, ’It’s ok. You’re alright.’ Pet, pet, pet. And when they have responded properly to a command, ‘Come here please.’ ‘Enough barking at the UPS man.’ I say enthusiastically ‘GOOD GIRL!’ ‘Good girl.’ Pet, pet, pet. Now I say it to myself and it amuses me. — If I manage to do ONE of the MUST DO things on my list in a day. ‘GOOD GIRL!’ If I can help my neighbor by simply loaning her a can opener. ‘GOOD GIRL!’ It is a good habit, it makes you feel good, and it improves your self-esteem. A great way to remind yourself of ALL your WORTH, instead of reminding yourself of what you think you lack. You would do it for another – do it for yourself. You are SO deserving of much love and encouragement. You are the MOST deserving.
Your initials and your comment give no indication of whether you are a GOOD GIRL or a GOOD BOY 😀 So I will guess so I can say to you, ‘GOOD GIRL!’ for getting up today to face the world. ‘GOOD GIRL!’ for reading Melody’s post as a way to learn more about yourself. ‘GOOD GIRL!’ For taking time to post your thoughts so others can learn too. ‘GOOD GIRL!’ You can do it. You are WONDERFUL.
Staying in the moment will help you not worry as much. This also takes practice. If you are focusing on what is happening in the moment, and the worry thing is in the future, the worry thing is not here now, why spoil now worrying about it? Wayne Dyer said in the 80’s, “Worry is a wasted emotion. If you worry about it and it doesn’t happen, you wasted your time. And if you worry about it and it does happen, you wasted your time.’ lessings — Kathleen 🙂
I lost the B in Blessings 🙂
Thank you Katleen
I feel like that little child who fell on the floor and twisted the ankle. It hurts so much I refused to get up.
fortunately, Melody reminded me that sitting on the floor won’t make the pain go away.
And then you came along, offered me a hand and got me back on my feet.
I appreciate what you have done for me Kathleen.
I still have a long way to go.
SK, I have a long way to go also, but I am at a point where I know I will get there. Not too long ago, I was not so sure. — I am where I am because someone else offered ME a hand, and got me back on MY feet, so I am happy to pay it forward. That is all I have to offer at this point, but I know from experience that it is a lot. Connect with me through my blog, if you are interested. If not, no worries, and I send many more Blessings to you and yours 😀
Thank you, Melody! Another is a string of posts with awesome clarity and insight! Your post came just at the right time to inspire me to set limits on the time I have been spending driving my daughter to various places!
Regarding your experience with your Master Minds… What do you feel is the line between being insecure and being considerate? If you’re really droning on and on and feeling all self-important about the subject you chose isn’t there something to be said for being aware that maybe other people aren’t digging it? Just a thought.
Oh– and the -art- by “regan” so Great! luv it!
This is just-Excellent! Thank you!!!
thankyou that’s just what i needed….i worry all the time about what my friends really think of me..i never invite them round my home in fear they’ll judge me but from now on im not gonna worry about it….. im gonna invite them all round and enjoy the moment 🙂
I actually HAVE a copy of that Shoebox Greetings card.
Although I currently have some self confidence worries that I am working on, I must say I have never had trouble being selfish (and probably why I don’t have kids). I like to tend to myself first, and when kids are small, you can’t do that. ANYWAY, as a child we always had family thanksgiving and the same aunt’s house because it was big, and she always entertained anyway, so she had all the ‘stuff’, but the very second that the FIRST (female) person was done eating her last bite, she was expected to be in the kitchen cleaning up. I wanted to sit around the table and visit with relatives I rarely see. All of us, in one big group, interacting. Before an after the meal, there are multiple and scattered groups. So I always wished for the day that I could offer to host the meal and I would refuse to allow anyone to TOUCH the kitchen. I know that it is a LOT of dishes and pans, but I will do it, or even just start it, later, when everyone is gone. MAYBE, **GASP** I would even leave the WHOLE thing until tomorrow. — Since I have no kids, I can have a ‘loose’ kitchen and clean up a little over a period of days. Isn’t that why Thanksgiving is on a Thursday in the first place? ha ha ha 😀
Beautiful post! Thank you, Melody.