Ok, so when the same issue comes up several times in a short period, I know that’s the Universe trying to get me to write about something. In the past 2 weeks, I’ve had this scenario come up four times! That’s the manifestational equivalent of getting smacked in the back of the head for me, so alright, alright, already. I’ve got the message!

Awesome Client Susie (totally made up name) has been working on finding her dream guy, we shall call him Mr. Dreamy. We’ve figured out where her resistance is, made a vibrationally sound list of qualities she wants him to have, and she’s been visualizing herself into near-orgasmic states. Mr. Dreamy couldn’t be far away, with a high flying energy that felt that good. In fact, judging by what I had read from her in our last session, I fully expected her to have met someone amazing by this month’s call.

“Nothing big happened”

When I asked her at the beginning of the call how the month had gone, she replied “Ok. Nothing big happened”. Fair enough. Everything unfolds in perfect timing, and just because something felt imminent, didn’t mean it had to happen in 30 days. 31 would be ok, too. Anywho, as we continued to talk, she told me the story of how her sister had won a trip to the Caribbean and had asked her to come. And even though the idea of going to an island resort (full of gorgeous, relaxed men. Just saying…) lit her on fire and made her want to jump up and do the happy dance, she’d decided that asking her boss for the time off work would simply be too uncomfortable. And so, she’d decided not to go. Not only that, but she hadn’t even really considered the whole event a big deal, given that nothing had come of it.

I nearly fell out of my chair. I think I may have gone into spasms, or something. So there she was, lining herself up with Mr. Dreamy, and the Universe goes off and gives her sister a Caribbean vacation, inspires her to share it with her, almost certainly inspired the perfect Mr. Dreamy candidate to also be at that very resort at that exact same time, and this incredibly elaborate and detailed plan was about to be thwarted by her unwillingness to even ask for the time off because it might be a bit “uncomfortable”. Thank goodness I was there to (lovingly) slap some sense into her.

I’m not making fun or poor Susie, I’m really not. In fact, this is a much more common scenario than you might think (4 in one week, remember?). We tend to get so stuck in our daily lives, so seduced by our current reality, and so sucked into the belief that there is no magic (there is totally magic!), that when amazing crap like this lines up, we often totally miss it. We miss the awesomeness that’s trying to come to us, that the Universe is always trying to bring to us, just because we don’t really believe that our lives are going to change, not drastically anyway. Oh sure, we hope they’ll change, but when it comes right down to it, when the rubber meets the road, when the doody hits the fan, so to speak, we go right back to our old patterns. When opportunity comes a-knockin’, we assume it’s a solicitor, and we sick the dogs on them (American definition of solicitor, not the British one. Just felt I should clarify that before I get politely sued).

In other words: If your sister wins a Caribbean vacation and asks you to go, and your first reaction is “OMG! Yes!”, YOU FREAKING GO!

But… what about my responsibilities?

“Yes”, I can hear you saying now, “that’s all fine and good. But what about if Susie’s boss says, no? What about if she loses her job just for asking? What if we have other responsibilities that don’t allow us to run off to some island resort with beaches, and volleyball and drinks with little umbrellas in them and hunky men with six pack abs offering to personally ensure our sunscreen coverage is thorough, and um, what was I talking about? Right. Abs. I mean, objections. I mean, if I was asked to go on a tropical vacation right now, I wouldn’t be able to say yes. So what if she just can’t go, Melody? Huh? What then?!?

I hear you. I do. And now, it’s my turn. Nice tangent into tropical ab land by the way. I rather enjoyed that. Let’s take your objections apart one by one, shall we?

What if Susie’s boss says no? – So what if he does? She can deal with it then. But that’s not a reason not to ask. After all, what if he says yes? What if she goes and has the time of her life and meets Mr. Dreamy and falls head over heels in love and has tons of gorgeous babies? Huh? What then?!?

What about if she loses her job just for asking? – Then I say she dodged a bullet and good riddance. She can look for another job after she gets back from her vacation.

If I was asked to go on a tropical vacation right now, I wouldn’t be able to say yes. – Here’s the thing: You’re not Susie. This is HER manifestation, not yours. Your manifestations don’t come to you in ways you can’t accept. In other words, if you really can’t go, then the Universe will not bring you a Caribbean vacation. It’ll find another way for you to meet up with your manifestation (but an equally awesome one!).

Why we’re reluctant to go for the awesomeness

We human beings are often so reluctant to take advantage of the amazing opportunities that come our way, because we think there’s a risk. Silly little us. We think that there’s a price to pay, a sacrifice which will be demanded of us, a douchebag genie who grants wishes, but in the worst possible way. In other words, we suck at trusting. But think it through: If you are a match to what you want, why would the Universe bring it to you in a way that you couldn’t take advantage of? Why would it just mess with you like that, dangling your heart’s desire in front of you, while singing “Neener! Neener!”, like a playground bully playing keep away with your favorite doll?

Why in the hell would we (because WE are ultimately in charge, the big WE, the Who We Really Are WE) set it up like that? Well, we wouldn’t. And we didn’t. When a manifestation comes to you, everything you need in order to experience that manifestation comes with it. So, in this case, Susie’s boss said yes. It wasn’t even an issue.

This is why you don’t have to worry about manifesting the money for the house you want. If you become a match to the house, any money you might need to make it a reality will come to you. You don’t have to come up with your next million dollar idea. If you’re a match to joyful business success, all the ideas, people and connections you need in order to make that happen will come to you. You are not given what you want, only to have it put on an unreachable pedestal and to be told that you’ll have to earn it first. The Universe is not a sadistic bastard.

If the Universe brings you Mr. Dreamy via a tropical vacation, you will get the time off. Period. Unless you chicken out and assume that life can’t possibly be that good/easy/amazing. But, if you can trust that everything is always lining up perfectly for you, and that if something feels like joy to you, if something makes you jump up and down, then not only will it happen, but your life will become a series of awesome events.

Yeah… but!

Ok, I can hear one more loud objection out there. Many of you just stood up and began telling the story of how something showed up and it DID feel like awesomeness, but then it didn’t work out. You met the guy and he did feel amazing, and you moved across the country for him, but then you found out he was still living in his parents’ basement, was wanted by the mafia, had been awarded the 2013 douche of year award, and had a bad case of bacne (back acne). How does that fit into the above scenario?

In every single one of those cases, I guarantee you, even if you don’t want to admit it, you got ahead of your manifestation and were trying to make something happen. You determined that this guy was the ONE. You turned an impulse to spontaneously have dinner with him into a spontaneous move across the country. In other words, you misinterpreted your feelings as being better than they actually were. In most cases, this happens when someone has been blocking their awesomeness for so long that they no longer know what it feels like. Then, they mistake any positive emotion that slips through the fog as awesomeness. It’s a bit like thinking every gold watch you see is a Rolex. Luckily, as you study the Law of Attraction and begin to pay more attention to your feelings, you’ll become reacquainted with positive emotions and will become more and more sensitive to them. You’ll stop mistaking a feeling of interest for “Holy Crap! I HAVE TO DO THIS!” You’ll become more discerning, and will relax more.

I find it so interesting that the people that totally overdo it when a somewhat positive manifestation pierces through their (former) darkness, are often the same ones who have the most trouble recognizing the real thing when it shows up. The desperation that caused them to throw all caution and sense to the wind for some experience that just didn’t totally suck, is borne of intense fear which keeps them from believing that the “real thing” can even show up, or at least can’t show up this easily. In fact the ease and simplicity of our manifestations often scare us. We don’t trust anything we don’t work hard for. We don’t trust anything we haven’t earned.

How can you tell the difference?

So, how can you tell the difference between a truly positive manifestation, something you should run towards with all the enthusiasm and trust you can muster, and a tendency to overreact? Here’s a simple litmus test that will help you separate true awesomeness from the contrast (manifestations designed to help you figure out what you want by showing you what you don’t want): How have you been feeling lately? What have you been doing lately? If you’ve been focusing deliberately in a way that allows you to feel good, and if you’ve actually been feeling better and better, then the chances are really, really good that what has just showed up in your reality is the real deal.

On the other hand, if you’ve been feeling desperate and worried, and if you’re just willing something to freaking happen so you can feel better already goddammit, then the chances are really, really good that you’re about to get smacked. Hard.

In other words, it’s all about the momentum you’ve been building. If you’ve been feeling better and better, your manifestation is just an extension of that. If you’ve been feeling crappy and wishful and desperate, your manifestation is just an extension of that.

Bottom line

The key is to not dismiss anything that feels good. Notice it. Take a look at it. Ask yourself what it’s an extension of. And, if you’ve clearly been feeling better and better, then go for it! Run to the Caribbean. Take that job! Go out with that guy! Take the leap! Don’t miss your awesomeness out of habit or fear or complacency. Assume that whatever has shown up is leading you somewhere. Somewhere really good. If you want to be cautious, at least look into it. Research it. Read about it. Talk to people about it (likeminded people; do not go asking the Muggles for advice!) See what comes of that. Look for the awesomeness. Be open to it. Assume it exists and that it is coming. Because, well, it is. 🙂

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  • You just blew my mind. Everything indeed happens for a reason. We must take everything that happens into consideration. You just made me realize I have lost plenty of opportunities. Thank you.

  • sometimes it’s easy to plan things in your head how you think something may go, but in reality it often doesn’t end up that way. Great post, great read and thanks for sharing.

  • Been thinking about those little nags lately. Sometimes things get so weird I don’t know who made what up 😉
    Still don’t know in some cases, but yeah… it’s kinda hardcore here.

    Is pretty astonishing how many people do not want to win a vacation or something for free. Actually send emails that they don’t want to win it. Can send them here now XD

    And Thanks for giving me a lighter perspective on all that 😉

    Got some more insanely exciting made up stories to dive in tonight. Just because. 😉

  • Thanks for the post, Melody. I too had an experience similar to the one you described.

    Recently I was offered the chance at work to move from a cubicle to an office. Normally, people in my company don’t get offices unless they are manager level, which I am not. However, an office opened up after somebody retired, and even though there was no one at manager level, they had to give the office to someone or another department would take it. So they offered it to me.

    I felt very uncomfortable about taking the office. I very nearly refused it outright, and even after I was convinced not to do that, I avoided moving into it for about two weeks. But I thought about Deliberate Receiving, and so I thought I would try visualizing being in the office, you know, just to see. (I should mention by way of disclaimer that I’m not actually a believer in LOA personally, but I think that many of the techniques that Melody teaches on this site are very helpful, and I don’t have to believe in LOA specifically to find them useful.)

    What I discovered was that my visualizations always included my co-workers grumbling about my getting the office behind my back: “How come Andrew gets the office? What does he do around here that’s so great anyway?” I realized that the biggest impediment to my taking the office was my own belief that I shouldn’t have it, which in turn was causing a sense of guilt about getting it.

    I moved into the office yesterday. I decided that I don’t need to feel guilty over the mere fact of having received something nice. And so far all my co-workers have come to say how happy they are for me. It will take some getting used to, but at least I have made the jump.

  • LOL… i almost did the same thing earlier this year trying to control when my manifestation should happen. two of my children and all of my grandchildren live in japan (on a military base). i had put it on my wishlist to go there NEXT YEAR! in june of this year, my daughter had emailed me to tell me that she and my son wanted to bring me to japan for three weeks later this year. initially i had told her no because i wanted to have myself together financially before i went. needless to say, my children reacted the same as Melody did *laughs* then a voice spoke to me immediately and asked me how did i know i wasn’t supposed to go to japan now? and then my daughter emailed me right back and asked me THE EXACT SAME THING! i laughed out loud at my rationalizing and told her i was coming and to go on and buy my ticket…i will be going to japan in three weeks. now, i am SO EXCITED and i can’t wait to see what the universe has in store for me there.

  • Melody, just out of curiosity, do you poo awesomeness?

    Like everyone of your posts, I just read this and get that deja vu feeling – I know this to be true!

    After our awesome call, my entire attention has turned towards feeling for my vibration. The things I uncovered! Me and the Universe had a good old chortle – it’s amazing I allowed any goodness at all, what with all the mixed signals I’ve been giving it. Thank you so very much for helping us feel for these truths.

    Ps: Until I met you, I never gave much thought to kidnapping somebody and milking their awesome-sauce – are you pondering what I’m pondering Pinky?

    Awesome, awesome post!

  • When we were little, my sister pretended that she was rich and is now leading her dream life. The dreams you had tucked away come to fruition eventually.

    Susie should go on this trip to have fun, her #1 goal. She should feel good and ride that wave. She should not go looking for Mr Dreamy specifically, because that comes when you are not looking. She may have an admirer while she is there who may not match up, but she should appreciate it, she may meet people she keeps in touch with through whom she may meet Dreamy, or when she does meet him, their first topic of conversation may be the trip to the Caribbean because he had been there too. The point is to do the things that come to you and enjoy them to the fullest and on that high, you will allow it to come to you. Don’t worry, be happy!

    • Hi A.,

      Your ‘Don’t worry be happy’ message reminds me of Bob Marley’s ‘Three Little Birds’ song. I’ve copy pasted the lyrics here, and the funny thing is every time I listen to this song, I think of Melody because the word ‘melodies’ is in it. he he Here it is:

      1. Don’t worry about a thing
      cause every little thing is gonna be alright
      don’t worry about a thing
      every little thing is gonna be alright

      Rise up this morning
      smiled with the rising sun
      three little birds
      pitch by my door step
      singing sweet songs
      of melodies pure and true
      saying, this is my message to you: (go back to 1.)

      Also, I love how your sister pretended she was rich when she was small and then actually became rich. What a cute story!


      • Thanks Rose! That’s actually my other sister’s name. Haha! Love Bob Marley. After all, he’s from the Caribbean, and I was just listening to Caribbean melodies myself. Melody is a melody.

        This girl can get all into the music and meet her mr dreamy in the future while at a concert or something. All she has to do is be open to the possibilities. Travel is a great way to raise your vibe, as is leaving a bad boss.

  • Hi , a great post melody , but i have a doubt here..wouldnt this actually make us desperate thinking every opportunity that comes our way to be the real manifestation we wanted.For example what if susan thinking that she had to find mr.dreamy in this trip , went holiday being so sure , trying to take the signs, took up every oppurtunity she had with a guy thinking he might be the one and nothing happened because she was all desperate…?? wouldnt that be making her feel still bad?

    • yeah there’s that risk of Susan focusing too hard on “becoming involved” with Mr Dreamy that the universe will do its best to keep her in that “becoming” state.

      If Susan is aware enough, then it’s no big deal. She can always change he state of mind.

      It’s true that Susan should listen to her intuition and to follow her bliss – she should go. Howerver, she should also reserve some strenght to pick herself up in case Mr Dreamy did not to show up. After all, if he is her Mr Dreamy, she should not give up just like that. She should keep looking.

      It’s when the journey become a pain that the destination is not worth it.

  • I have read this post twice in two hours. It is a long slow Friday afternoon before a long weekend. It’s 24 degrees And I keep getting stuck on the bit about the sunscreen and total coverage overseen by Mr six-pack…….

  • The more I read and listen to LOA, the more I become convinced that we should
    – use Belief to create personal reality
    – use LOA to mange it.

  • OK, this is one of three messages I got from the Universe today alluding to the fact that unless you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone and get a little uncomfortable, that nothing will change. I gotta get busy getting uncomfortable. Thank you for the post.

  • Sorry darling,

    I have to disagree totally with you here.
    Ive been studying LOA for years now and somehow it seems to stop working.
    I dream of getting married and even tough mr right was nowhere near, i started planning the dream wedding without worry, all by myself. Then a mister turns up so suddenly that I could not believe, to ended up being just turn a total waste of my time.And even worst, in a similar situation that I had lived for 7 years ago, even using the exactly same words of the previous one, but this time in less than a month.
    I know you will come with some positive crap to say that there’s someone better coming. Yeah, right I used to believe that too. Trust me! But after so many neeeeh neeeh from life. You stop believing.

    Life is not a fairy tale when you jump. If it was me I would tell Susie DON’T GO. Because nothing might happen and she will end up home with the tail under her leg plus jobless and on top of everything will a wonderful credit card bill to pay. Is not magic Melody. Sorry to tell you, we face reality here and it hit us really hard right on the face.

    • Hey there Fran,

      I’m sorry you feel that way. But, if you’ve truly given up all belief in LOA, then why are you on this site? The fact that you’re here would imply that you at least WANT to believe, no?

      The section titled “Yeah…but!” was written for you. You can face reality if you like, but those are just yesterday’s manifestations. There’s no reason you have to keep living that. But it is your choice to do so. I know that’s hard to hear. I do get that. But this blog will be here, stubbornly and unwaveringly in support of magic and light and happiness, even if right now, those seem far away for you.

      Sending you huge hugs,


  • You are absolutely BRILLIANT!!

    “The key is to not dismiss anything that feels good. Notice it. Take a look at it. Ask yourself what it’s an extension of. And, if you’ve clearly been feeling better and better, then go for it! ”

    I have spent the last few months BUSTING my buttski trying to figure out all the in’s and out’s of all of this. Cleaning, clearing and opening all my past programming… Only to feel like poo!! (I’m a climb the entire mountain all once kind of gal.) Giovanna asked about the lottery. I gave her all the crap I was working on. (Which might actually work for her. Some of it has worked for me.) I like to re-read my post because my spelling and grammar makes me cringe.

    I realized, I was becoming so serious. Addicted to the process and not even working for the outcome. The lottery question kicked around again in my head. Instead of working to know it all, I should just play. My work is play. My relationship is play. LOA is just play. All of a sudden, I felt as if the elephant go off my chest. It feels good.

  • you are so funny Melody, such a joy to read your posts.
    I have been choosing to feel good This week (taking it day by day) and things are beginning to move and it is so true that you said we should take the opportunities whenever we have been feeling good! I finally get this part, makes life so much easier!

  • I agree with Marjorie…This post is fantastic! I, too, feel really good about where my vibration is right now. Presently, my dream is to relocate to a new city. And once I firmly set the move as my intention, a dream job opened up at my alma mater. I did apply by the 10/1 deadline. But now I have let it go and hope that this job will want me as much as I want it. But that’s where I get confused. Do I now stop searching? If I truly let it go, how will I know when the Universe decides that I’ve dialed up the right match or not? I truly hope a big fat opportunity drops in my lap. Believe me, I will not let it pass me by!

    • Janet,

      Don’t get stuck in a worry mode! You have done what felt good to you and now you leave it to rest and focus on something else. If searching for other jobs feels good to you, do it. If it doesn’t don’t do it. Go play with a puppy or have an icecream. Keep on feeling good because if you get stuck in a worrying about what to do next then guess what you will attract more things to worry about. You will ALWAYS get what you focus on and what you WANT. So, while you worry about whether you should stop looking for a job or not, the programmed universe or in Melody’s words–the vending machine will bring you more things to worry about. It cannot differentiate between what is good and what is bad, and from an energetic point of view, nothing is good or bad, it just gives you what YOU focus on, it simply delivers. So, now that you have applied for dream job, do something that makes you feel good. If it clicks, it means you were a match to it, if it doesn’t, you must must must continue to stay positively focused and you will be rewarded with something else. Keep on feeling good. It’s so funny that all you have to do is keep on feeling good and everything will just come to you. I find it hard to keep on feeling good too and I tend to worry too but this is where we should say, you know what I’m just going to feel good good good no matter what. Whether I get the job, whether I don’t whatever. And not in denial feeling good, at least somewhat feeling good if you are not in a place to take a big leap and feel crazy good. I hope I didn’t confuse you. I think a big fat opportunity will fall in your lap soon. So awesome! Yay! Sending fairy dust your way!


      • Hi Rose…Wow, great reminder for me to focus on what I want, versus what may or may not happen. I think staying conscious to the fact that my only job is to keep feeling good (which is always my choice) is the key to manifesting awesome things in my life. I am going to really focus on that thinking today. Thank you so much! 🙂

    • Hi Jane,
      Since your intention is to move cities to this job, how about getting your suitcases out and give them a spring clean? Or buy new suitcases? Or look at suitcases you’ll buy when the job is confirmed?
      And think about what you will wear in the first few days on the new job. Get those outfit ready. Think about the tricks to use to remember everyone’s name in the first few days.
      Do this is a dreamy, fun, excited, kid-who-knows-she’s-getting-a-bike-for-Christmas and cant wait to ride it. But do relax. All these actions are just “fun”, but real too – so it feels real that you are going, real that you will pack…

      • Kuradji,

        These are great tips. I will employ it as well. 🙂 Play pretend! Like Melody’s last post in which those guys had that pretend party and everything they pretended about came true! So cool!


        • Hi Kuradji–I love these ideas. I am taking action steps by getting my house ready to go on the market (garage sale last weekend, carpet cleaning this weekend, etc.) But I love the suggestions to do steps that are specific to starting a new job! Just like Rose, I appreciate you bringing these ideas to my conscious thought today! 🙂

          • Hello~ Thank you for asking that! The position I applied for in Athens, GA did not manifest. I have a trip planned there next weekend (11/9) so I am holding on to wonder and how I do not know the way Spirit plans to get me back to Athens. But I know things are happening according to Divine Plan. On a positive manifestation note, I put my current home on the market this past Sunday. The first family that viewed it put an offer on it less than 12 hours later! We are negotiating the offer, but I am so pleased that this occurred. I feel lots of positive energy and feel confidant about my intentions. Thank you again for this note. It totally brightened my day and I feel the positive vibes! Namaskar.

      • Yeah!! Excellent idea! I will do that to attract, pardon me, allow myself a new partner! I will think about what i will be wearing on my dates, where and what to eat, nice things to do, vacations to book etc…..
        Thank you! I feel really, really good now!!

  • I find it so interesting that the people that totally overdo it when a somewhat positive manifestation pierces through their (former) darkness, are often the same ones who have the most trouble recognizing the real thing when it shows up.

    Ha ha ha ha, that would probably be me Melody! Thank you for yet another awesome post! You are the best, the brightest and the nicest! I have been feeling really good lately, so I guess I am building momentum and should watch out for manifestations that show up. I was in darkness for a while, so I’m not one hundred percent amenable to believing that the most wonderful things could happen easily. And the thing is, I haven’t even been working hard for anything either! I’ve just been trying to understand LOA, well, mostly! I don’t know where it comes from but every time I make a shift, I behave in a weird way, its a kind of weirdness that hasn’t happened before so I try to justify the weirdness but that does not help so I just let the weird ways flow out of me. Mostly, I’ve been much better than I ever have been before. If something bothers me, I deliberately choose to focus on something else. I’ve started to become even more sensitive to energy than I was before and I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. It’s just that, I can really ‘feel’ what ‘feels’ good and clean and what doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, I change my focus. Earlier, I would focus on it and try and get the person who I feel offended by to like me or fix the situation etc. Now, I just MOVE ON. I am trying to train my mind to continue this awesome practice of deliberate positive thinking. I am awesome for even trying! It’s a master skill and it takes work. Not hard work but energy work and focused thinking. And my focus can be all over the place so by getting myself to focus on one thing, I am also calming my frenzied brain and soothing it. Maybe I won’t need any medication if I can train my brain to calm down! And focus positively. 🙂 I can hear your voice in my head Melody, soothe it, soothe it. Ha ha ha.

  • I recently tried to will something to freaking happen so I would feel better already goddammit. And guess what? I got smacked. Hard.
    My husband left me after 16 years and I just wanted to be gone from our house. So this opportunity came along and in the ad it sounded awesome and I REALLY WANTED it to be great. And it could have been. But when I went to the interview it felt strange, the people involved were weird, I had to make it all happen, they didn’t reply to my mails. But I did an awesome job suppressing my gut feeling. Along came moving day and after being several hundred kilometers on the road already (this new thing was a 6 hour drive away) I decided to text this person that I would arrive in the late afternoon. And then she called, totally freaked out (in a really loud and hysteric way) and said we had never agreed on that and we had only been tossing around ideas and she was not ready and all. Which is not true, we had agreed on a date, but that’s not the point and I guess that’s her issue. But I had that feeling she would be like that and I didn’t listen to it. I wanted to be gone so badly that I willed something to happen. And it did! Just a little different that I thought. 🙂

    • Wow Eva, that’s a tough one. You took action to fulfill a desire, but it was not an inspired action. An inspired action feels good. In this case, your gut instinct was telling you something, but as often happens, we ignore that little voice, chalking it up to fear, and charge ahead anyway. This is a perfect example of why we should pay attention to our feelings, especially those intuitive gut feelings. You were trying to force the outcome you wanted, and this wasn’t the right path to it. I hope that you were able to find a better alternative.

      • Yes, that’s why I wanted to post this here – I mean, how more explicit could a lesson be? It’s like I wanted to create a story for a textbook.
        After the first shock – I cried at a rest stop with several people watching me – and learned that that wasn’t as bad as I would have imagined 😉 – I now see that it was a good thing it happened then and not later. Thankfully I have a good sense of humor and didn’t beat myself up about it for Long 🙂 and it made me realize that I totally am like that: I want to MAKE things happen. I am scared that otherwise nothing will change. I just have to learn to let things go and unfold. And now I have a really good learning opportunity, because I am back in the house with my husband. We are trying to just see it as flat-sharing, but of course after 16 years there are so many behavioral habits in a relationship and those are not easy to break. Especially since he is already dating again and seeing this still hurts.
        A year ago, while we were still together, I actually gave up my job (well-paid but unfulfilling, yet nerve-wracking) to start working as a freelancer again (I did this before). He agreed to support me until I earned enough money, which, as every freelancer knows, can take a while. So now I am kind of depending on him, which doesn’t feel too good. But I am making progress in the job department and try to slow down and wait until something turns up that feels really good. As long as he doesn’t kick me out I guess I can see this as my opportunity to learn being patient while getting clearer about my desires. He had a breakdown (burn-out/midlife crisis and whatnot) a week after he broke up with me and has been on sick-leave since (over 3 months now and will be at least until the end of the year). So, considering that the whole situation looks like a real mess (I mean, basically my whole life crumbled), I sometimes am amazed myself that I still feel pretty okay. Most of the time.

        • If you can feel good most of the time, that’s a very good thing. After all, it’s rule #1. Getting clear on your desires is very important as well. Once you do that, you can apply your focus on those desires, from that place of feeling good. That’s when things will change. It must be hard, though, to see him dating. Ouch! I hope you are able to release the negative feelings/beliefs surrounding that situation.

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