Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “Some days I feel like Arthur Dent when he gets a fly-swatter to the nose while visiting a prison planet, trying to rescue his girlfriend. It just plain frustrates me when I’m going along admiring beautiful pictures of hummingbirds, and then a picture of a smuggler (with hummingbirds hidden in his pants) comes up, ruining the good moment. Not to mention when I’m trying to get to a class that is 45 minutes away, and just happen to be caught in a traffic jam and then get behind the slowest car in town. My question, therefore, is what can be done when you are trying to make your reality better, but then a bunch of random (seemingly unrelated) negative things come into your sphere? How do you determine what they mean or why they’re there? They also seem to come in waves, usually leaving me overwhelmed and discouraged.”

Dear Awesome Dudette,

Nothing is unrelated. Nothing is a coincidence. Your reality, which is just a hologram projected by you, is never random. It all means something. So your question, “How can we determine what stuff means?” is a really relevant one and something that pretty much everyone struggles with.

The Universe is not a super villain

The first thing that most people do “wrong” when trying to interpret the mysteries of their unwanted manifestations is to think that something is actively trying to keep them from what they want. So there you are, looking at hummingbirds, feeling joy, and you see an image that disturbs you. I just want to make one thing very, very clear: this is NOT the Universe messing with you. The big U. is not sitting there, on its proverbial quantum cloud, watching you enjoy looking at gifs of small, winged creatures, thinking to itself, “Let’s give her hummingbirds. But in the most messed up way possible. Buwahahahahaha!” It’s not like there’s an invisible super villain gleefully following you around, sending its little minions out to make sure you get stuck in traffic behind the slowest car when you’re late.

In fact, whatever happens to you is always happening to support you, to make you aware of something that you need to be paying attention to, and to ultimately help you get everything you’ve ever wanted. So, when you see the dude with the hummingbirds in his pants (seriously?? Is that a thing now?), it MUST be for a reason, and not just any reason, but a good one; a helpful one; something that will bring you closer to what you want.

Start with the right premise

If you want to interpret the meaning of your manifestations more accurately, make sure you’re starting from the right premise. Instead of asking “Why do people do bad things?”, or “Why is this happening to me?” ask “Why does this bother me?” The answers to these questions will be vastly different.

When you ask why people do bad things, you have to take a look at their beliefs, which stem from their culture, life experience and personal perspective. And, although, you can never completely understand another’s perspective, you can certainly gain a high level of understanding of people’s motivations, especially if you’re willing to forgo judgment (i.e. if you don’t condemn their actions, you’ll gain a much deeper level of understanding). I know, this is easier said than done, but this post isn’t about understanding people with birds in their undies, it’s about helping you understand you, which is precisely why this question isn’t productive in this case.

When you ask why this thing is happening to you, or why you manifested it, it’s often a thinly veiled way of asking “What’s wrong with me that I manifested this??” And that’s decidedly unhelpful. Blaming yourself is pretty much the worst thing you can do in terms of feeling better.

But, when you ask why this event or person or thing bothers you so much, you begin to make some headway. So, in the case of the hummingbird smugglers, why did that image cause you so much distress? Well, it probably brought up thoughts of helpless little birds being needlessly tortured, of unethical and cruel people willing to do anything for a buck, and of the general unfairness in the world.


Needless torture



Do you see a pattern here? If you do a little bit of soul searching, I’ll bet my (as of yet non-physical) private jet that these are thoughts you have fairly often. The world is full of cruel people, torturing the helpless. It’s just so unfair! You have practiced thoughts (beliefs) of powerlessness, which you keep activating throughout the day. And these beliefs directly contradict your pure appreciation of the Hummingbirds. As you focused on their beauty, your belief that they and all small, vulnerable beings like them are not safe popped right up. It didn’t pop up to ruin your day, however. It popped up so that you could release it and move even more into pure appreciation.

Be part of the solution

But how do you stop caring about little hummingbirds? How do you not rant and rave against those who are hurting defenseless little creatures? Am I just advising you to be heartless and uncaring and selfish? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. That’s my new thing: telling people to be heartless. In case you missed it, that last part was pure sarcasm. I couldn’t help myself.

Of course that’s NOT what I’m saying! You don’t have to stop caring about little hummingbirds or any other creatures, not that you could even if you tried. But you can stop focusing on something that represents a world you don’t like. Do you want more animal abuse? I’m guessing no. Let me ask you this: How does focusing on people abusing birds help the birds? How does your pain make the world a better place? I know this is hard for some people to hear, but it doesn’t. You cannot find a solution to a problem by focusing on it. You can define a solution by defining the problem, but once you’ve done that, you have to get off the issue and focus on what you want.

For example: the idea of animal abuse makes you want to hurl. Fair enough. So, what is this causing you to want instead? Well, I’m guessing you want to live in a world where no one feels compelled to hurt animals for any reason, meaning a world where people are secure and happy and peaceful and prosperous and understand that they can have all the abundance they want without anyone or anything having to suffer for it. You want to live in a world where everyone understands that we are all one, and that nothing is ever truly gained or resolved by hurting someone or something else. Now, as you focus on that vision, doesn’t it feel better?

Here’s the thing: as you focus on the vision of what you want, you will be aligning yourself with that reality, and everything you need to get you there will be brought to you. If you’re a match to being part of the solution (because you want to be, not because you have to be), you will be led to those steps. And if you’re not a match to actually being involved in the solution, you’ll simply be adding to the energy of that new reality and will be moving there as quickly as you can allow. Others, whom you may or may not be aware of, will be inspired to do the actual work. Your worry, your focus on the suffering, does nothing to support this work.

Traffic as a metaphor for life

Now, let’s take a look at the traffic example. There you are, sitting in traffic, already all frustrated and stressed about being late. And what does the Law of Attraction bring you? More stuff that makes you feel frustrated and late! Why the hell would it do that? It’s like it’s bringing you more of what you focus on! Oh… wait… I think I’ve made my point.

But how is the traffic jam serving you, other than to just mirror back how you’ve been feeling? Why does getting stuck in traffic bother you so much? Well, in this case, you may have been focused on that damn slow driver in front of you. Perhaps you’ve been feeling rather inconvenienced by others lately. This is another form of powerlessness, albeit a more subtle one. Maybe other people have been getting in your way lately. Maybe you’ve been feeling like they have the power to keep you from going where you want to go. The Universe simple brought your vibration to life with the perfect representation.

What does the slow driver in front of you cause you to want, instead? Well, you might want things to flow more easily. You want things to come together without so much effort on your part. You want to feel relaxed, and know that everything will work out fine. You want to feel supported and secure. You want your days to be easy. You want flow. Flowing traffic. Flowing work. Flowing energy. Ahhhhh. Now, doesn’t that feel better?

The traffic jam is actually an opportunity for you to react differently to a representation of what’s been going on in your reality for some time. You can sit there and get angrier and angrier, feeling like you’re trapped and there’s nothing you can do about it. Or, you can decide to let go, to relax, to acknowledge that there’s nothing you can do to make traffic move faster right now, but there’s definitely something you can do about the way you feel.

Of course, as you shift your perspective and energy and begin to feel better, you’ll soon find that your life is flowing more easily. If you want ease and flow, you have to be willing to choose ease and flow.

Bottom line

Nothing ever happens randomly. As you focus more on what you want, the obstacles – the contradictory beliefs that are blocking this thing you want, pop up. This doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong. It means you’ve successfully moved toward what you want! Recognize that the stuff that bothers you doesn’t have to bother you. It’s a choice. Always. Figure out why you feel the way you do and what’s behind those feelings. Figure out what you’d like instead. Shift the energy.  The Universe is always supporting you in getting what you want. It will continuously present you with opportunities to figure out what that is and help you to release any contradictory beliefs, so you can become more and more of a match to what you want. You’ll never look at a traffic jam the same way again.

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  • What a great interpretation of the LOA. I especially liked: “But you can stop focusing on something that represents a world you don’t like.”

    What a great point. If you want less war, stop focusing on war, watch less TV, feel less hatred and anger (in response to the terrible images shown on TV)…

    And this applies just to anything in life. There is something you don’t like, something you are not feeling comfortable with – stop giving it your attention.

    Anyway, we can’t change the world, we can only change ourselves, our own vibration and by doing so, we are an example to others, we incite others to change… and that way we are changing the world.

  • Straight up! Yes, yes… dig deep, while staying light-hearted, and the answers appear. It would be damn near impossible, I think, to overemphasize Melody’s right-on-ness or general awesomeness of character. Hallelujah sista.

  • Hi Melody, Can you offer me some advice on something please? For a while now I’ve been rather a miserable negative energy sapper but I’m on a journey and growing and changing and becoming quite a shiny happy puppy again. My hubby has always been a positive, chilled out easy going chappy. Or so I thought. As I’m growing and raising my vibration I am noticing more than he isn’t the happy, chilled out chap he used to be. He seems easy to anger and to be giving out quite a lot of negativity. I guess while I’ve been down, I’ve not noticed how it has affected him too. I have given this thought and figure that over the years he has been very supportive of me. More than likely, to keep us together, he has lowered his vibration to match mine. Now mine is going up, and I’m paying more attention I’m noticing how his appears to have fallen.
    On a couple of occasions this weekend he has become angry in situations that I feel could have been handled much better. He has been unhappy with the way he’s been treated on some occasions, has been polite and kept a nice attitude at the time, but has seethed about it to me all weekend. I’ve been surprised by the strength of his reactions. He has wanted to go over and over the incidents that have angered him and I’ve really struggled to deal with it.
    He has been there for me and deserves the same from me. I know I have to accept where he is at the moment and let him have these feelings. But how do I keep my own vibration up? How do I turn around the rising sense of irritation I feel when he starts on moaning about that irritating man at poker he nearly punched or the rude parent of one of our sons friends and listen without being dragged in or falling out with my husband because I can’t keep sharing his anger and just want him to stop going over it!

      • Hi Li-Ling,
        I have casually mentioned it, but he just brushes it off, says he has feelings like everyone else, it’s great I’m happier but can I please support him, then he just statrs ranting about it again haha. Since posting, there’s been a few examples and after, when he’s calmed down, we have been able to laugh about them, so I do have hope that things improve. I still have to battle very hard to not get sucked in though and feel my heart starting to race and my head starting to wobble. I’ve just been trying to put it out of my mind as quickly as I can and just listen to him for now. Thank you for your reply and kind words.

  • Everything truly happens for a reason.

    “The traffic jam is actually an opportunity for you to react differently to a representation of what’s been going on in your reality for some time.”

    I was expecting you to say this. I agree 100%. I take every negative scenario as a test from the universe to see if I really want the things that I want. Lets say I’ve been praying to be more courageous. The universe will align situations that may be intimidating as a change for me to prove my courage.

  • How Can I Tell What My Random Negative Manifestations Mean?
    – They don’t mean much. They are the by-product of progress. They are neccessary, temporary and not meant to last.

    Unless were are deliberately holding onto them.

  • I loved your answer to this question, it really explains so much regarding why situations like this happen and how you can figure out what they mean. When i was working in an office a few years back, this situation would happen to me almost every day and i was always late for work and by the time i arrived i was stressed and frustrated, what was i focusing on every morning?? being late, hating my job and rushing!! what did i really want i wanted the traffic to flow but also I felt trapped in a job I hated so really I wanted my life to flow and i wanted freedom, this post really resonated with me thank you x

  • I have often told people…traffic is a lesson in patience. Some get it, most don’t. I get it…and sometimes I don’t like the lesson, but you are so right, it is about what is in you that needs to be addressed.

  • Thank you for this Melody. Ahhhh….this is starting to make sense. We have managed to manifest/attract a dream car, a new puppy, a major house move,all in the space of 3 weeks or so…but we’re not quite where our dream house is yet. I’m learning to come to terms with the fact that we are meant to be where we are right now, ie lessons and all.
    Have a great weekend everyone!

  • Melody, love, love, LOVE this post! Just wanted to pop in and let you know that I appreciate your sense of humor! It makes me smile and laugh every. single. time. It’s like opening the best Christmas present on Christmas morning. That’s how it feels. Thank you for that gift. <3

  • So just because I like understanding the mechanics of things…
    When you’re imagining the opposite of the manifestation you don’t like are you therefore shifting the energy that created the manifestation, regardless of where it came from? Like, if that feeling of powerlessness came from a bully in the 3rd grade or something like that, does my visualizing smoother traffic still shift that same energy?

  • Hi Melody,

    Could you please explain what does it mean when you say,”As you focus more on what you want, the obstacles – the contradictory beliefs that are blocking this thing you want, pop up.”Why does this happen and what does it signify?Are you saying that if we are on our way to releasing resistance then more of it will pop up?If that’s the case then why does it still happen even when we do nothing to raise our vibration, would appreciate some clarity on this.I think the person who asked you this question wanted to know why we experience highs and lows while releasing resistance…this is something which has perplexed me too. Please tell me that the process evens out later and it gets easier.

    • I may not be able to answer this as eloquently as melody, but from my understanding the reason resistance pops up even when you do nothing to raise your vibration is because you’re ALWAYS moving toward what you want. Anytime you have a desire it gets launched into your future somewhere and then you move toward it, like on a road with obstacles. The visualizations and gratitude exercises etc that raise your vibration are speeding up your energy and therefore your metaphorical car that you’re driving on that road to your desire. You hit resistance faster and sometimes harder when you intentionally raise your vibration. And as for the highs and lows its likely because when you hit resistance it doesn’t feel good, the vibration is low. Then when you release it/shift it you are raising your vibration.

      • Hi KP,
        Thanks for taking the time to help. I remember that in a previous post Melody said that releasing resistance needn’t necessarily be a bumpy ride and resistance manifests when we repeatedly ignore our limiting beliefs whch then manifest to get our attention. My question is why does it specifically manifest when we are trying to change our vibration and are consciously trying to be in happy,shiny,puppy land.
        Oh dear Melody,i beseech thou to kindly answer or direct me to an earlier post of yours which addresses this..this one has me twisted in knots.
        Btw everytime i read your posts..i have an ahaa..moment lol.

        • Hmmmm…..

          Looks like I was meant to relay these to you because I read your comment & these posts popped up in my head (apparently, my mind has developed a library of Melody’s posts).

          Happy reading 🙂

          Btw, I know this isn’t the answer you want to hear, but try reframing how you view resistance. Instead of it being this icky, nasty thing that shouldn’t be in your way when you’re trying to be happy. Think of it like a detective, as helpful clues that are coming up to help you reach a higher vibration.

          • Hey Mike,
            Thanks a ton for pointing me in the right direction.I read over your and KP’s comments twice and realization in tiny slivers started dawning…still trying to grasp these concepts properly but i experienced a sense of relief as soon as i read the first post you recommended.
            Melody,the community here is so freakin awesome..thanks again.

          • Hey Melody,
            Mike’s second link to your post answered my question completely. To give you a little context, i had started feeling better but the relationships which weren’t serving me have started coming to an abrupt end and it scared me coz my initial fear of something being wrong with me and disappointing people came back in full force. Its my birthday over the weekend and i really wanted to feel great that day.Your post and the comments of the fellow visitors to the blog resonated.My homework is clear..i need to get stable in my vibration..that’s the insight i was searching for…nothing is random..everything happens for a reason and i am supported… this feeling.

        • I know the feeling of being twisted in knots and melody leading the way to those aha moments!! Happy hunting for answers 🙂

      • In response to always moving toward what you want : wanted to comment many times to hear . Melody’s insight. If we always move toward what we want, how comes all of us don’t manifest a life of leisure on an exotic island, a gorgeous spouse, our dream house and car and etc? Because we all wish for these things. But most of us never reach to have them. Only those who are or vecome a vibrational match to it get there. I dont understand the affirmation that we move toward what we want anyway. Please explain.

  • It’s funny because as I read this blog, it almost reminded me of dream interpretation. Different events in dreams can represent things going on in your reality and I never thought to apply that same logic to the annoying things that are actually going on in my reality. I think if I asked myself “Why does this bother me?” about anything, the final answer will probably always be “Because I’m a control freak”. LOL! Especially traffic jams. Then I guess I need to go further and find out WHY I’m a control freak. Yikes! The answer to that question might just be the answer to all of my problems. This post gave me LOTS to think about. Thanks again Melody! 🙂

    • I like that comparison, Summer! I hadn’t really thought about how things could be reflected back to us so similarly in dreams and waking life, but it makes sense. I’ll be more aware of that now.

    • Summer, it’s so interesting to stand back and see how much we’re all control freaks, just on different levels! Seriously, I see it in my friends and family but they’re not quite ready to hear me when I try to tell them to let go once in a while (they just give me dirty looks LOL). Personally I find it very cool and reassuring to know that I really don’t need to have control…and I love watching situations unfold exactly as they should and it also being the best for me!


  • While I haven’t really been bothered or distressed by the extra traffic on my way to work (and being a few minutes late has no impact on my job), I most certainly appreciated you using this particular explanation. I have been feeling like there is a lot of stuff for me to navigate (to sort out) in this part of my journey. I’m doing fine with it, just that it’s a lot all at one time to think about and take care of. Some of it is self-initiated projects, and others just day-to-day life happening. Thanks.

  • People get really aggressive in traffic and road rage is a result of this, but now I see that it is really a reflection of their powerlessness. Sitting in traffic is a great time to listen to a book on a cd or to Abe for that matter. I read yesterday that doing so increases emotional intelligence, which is even more important that IQ, and Abe is uplifting always, so proper use of the time is important!

    Detachment is part of spiritual practice. It does take practice, but you do end up thanking the universe when things show up to see where you are at vibrationally and where you need to shift.

  • I live on a very busy road and for many years it has been hard to get out of my driveway and into the stream of traffic. Sometimes I would sit waiting for a gap for long, long minutes as up to 100 cars streamed by. And then I discovered LOA. So one of my first things – to “prove” if this shit worked, was to ask for a “blank road”…. by which I mean a nice big long gap of empty road so I could get out my driveway. Well guess what. The first few times of blank road I was a bit surprised and suspicious. But I said ‘thank you” every time. Now each every time I get in my car I ask for “blank road”. I almost always get blank road – and I ALWAYS say a big thanks. I also get a lot more green lights and a lot more parking spots. Big whooping deal. Except it is. Anyone who lives in a city knows that finding a park right where you need one against driving the block 16 times looking… a day with a good easy park is a good day. Thanks universe.

  • What really helps me is to remember something that Florence Scovel Shinn said, that there is only one power in the Universe, which is love and good. If you think there is evil, then you believe in 2 different powers. It just makes so much sense to me that there really is no evil out there, only ignorance and separation from that good.

    If something happens in my life that I don’t think is “good”, I always remember this and that the thing that happened was the best thing I allowed, because the Universe is always giving us the best we allow, and it has made a big difference in my life as in the past I used to walk around like someone out there was out to get me and the Universe didn’t care.

  • This is such a great and – really ..a very complete formula on the ‘workings” of the loa. this is – i feel -practically all one needs to effectively utilise the principles so simply explained with -great examples! Deliberate receiving is my number one source/inspiration..Unfailingly. critter,s are soooo.. Cute!! many thanks!!

  • oh this is great! I have been feeling that I “hide” myself and have to watch what I say to people, all the time, because I think so differently (I think how you and Abe have taught me to think, that it’s all a holographic mirror of my own creation) It’s a bit lonely as I haven’t found anyone much who thinks like this… well of course not, if I’m not exposing that part of myself!!!
    So today, I’ve lost my mobile as I donated clothes to a charity bin and it must have caught up in them in the car… I’ve called from outside the bin on my brothers phone and can hear it ha ha
    So this communication problem (my third similar manifestation this fortnight!) is making me feel: I’m locked away inside and no one can hear me and I can’t hear them!! AHA!

    • Ooh! That sounds potentially interesting! Maybe you should find out what day the bin gets emptied, and call on your phone then, and the person on the other end who answers might be someone who also has an interest in LOA. A potential future friend?

      This could be quite fortuitous! 😀


  • The other day I was late for the doctor and no taxis were available. So I thought that maybe the universe had something planned for me (as I’m usually good at manifesting taxis), and surely enough, two minutes later someone I know showed up and we had a nice chat. After my friend left, my available taxi appeared immediately. AND the wait at the doctor’s waiting room was shorter than usual.

    When live doesn’t give me “good things”, it’s generally either a lesson to learn or something better coming instead.
    Cheers Melody!

    • Marta, I could no agree more! Thanks for sharing your awesome example! I too now no longer push when things don’t go exactly as planned but they do always work out AND noticing that will bring more good stuff!!

      Marjorie 🙂

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