Awesome Maria’s Burning Question: “What do you think about dating sites? I want to get married and if the universe is supposed to bring me what I want, should I not go looking for it online? I’m confused.”

Dear Awesome Maria,

Thanks for submitting this great question. This really speaks to the whole issue of inspired action. In other words, if you want something, shouldn’t you go out and get it? Most people in our society would tell you yes. In fact, a lot of success gurus will tell you that you can’t ever get what you want without action. Dating is a prime example of that.

It makes sense that if you want to find the man of your dreams, you’ll need to get out there and meet men. It’s a numbers game. Statistically speaking, the more men you meet, the greater your chances of meeting Mr. Wonderful will be, right? That’s just plain logic. The more interviews you go on, the more likely you are to find and get your dream job. The more diets you try [intuitive eating], the closer you’ll get to being forever thin. The more pills you take, the healthier you’ll be. So go out there and kiss all the frogs you can find. Math is on your side. Even a blind chicken will eventually find some corn. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I have slipped quickly and enthusiastically into full blown sarcasm. That’s because playing the numbers game may seem like a good idea at first, but once you’ve given it a try, you’ll soon realize that it’s frustrating, hard and largely ineffective. You could meet thousands of men and not find your dreambunny. You could go on job interviews for the rest of your life and not ever find the “perfect” job. And who amongst us hasn’t tried every freaking diet out there, only to end up fatter than we were before? Blind chickens often starve, people*.

Why statistics and LOA don’t mix

The numbers game has one flaw: It doesn’t take vibration into consideration. It’s based on the assumption that there are no other variables at play. There’s an unspoken statement that precedes all of the platitudes above and that’s: “All things being equal”. So, all things being equal, the more men you go out with, the more likely you are to find the one who’ll spontaneously make you want to offer up your uterus to help him perpetuate his lineage.

But, all things are not equal. If you have a belief that’s blocking out your Adonis, you could kiss all the frogs in the known Universe, and still not find him. Your energy would not allow it. Conversely, if your vibration is aligned with attracting Mr. Right, you could be the only inhabitant on a desert island, and the Law of Attraction would make sure that he’d wash up on shore. Besides, who wants to kiss a bunch of frogs? You’ll just end up getting warty lips, and there’s no lipstick in the world that can cover that shit up.

Internet dating – LOA style

That being said, I don’t want to imply that internet dating can’t be useful. It’s just that you don’t have to get out there and make it happen. Remember that the Universe doesn’t need your help to make your dreams come true. You may joyously participate when you want to, but you are not necessary to the process. Your job is to figure out what you want and then feel good. That’s it. Then, you may be in spired to action, which may or may not include internet dating.

To put it more simply, as you focus on what you truly want and are feeling good, you could be inspired to check out an internet dating site one day, create a profile and find Mr. Snugglypants. This would not, however, entail dating a whole bunch of random losers, going on horrible dates, only to eventually get lucky. The entire process would be easy, smooth and fun.

If, however, you’re not yet sure of what you want, then internet dating can be a very useful tool to help you figure it out. Let’s say that your last relationship was with a douchebag who treated you less than kindly. He was arrogant, had horrible hygiene, lived in his mom’s basement (and not because he’d decided to make a big, passion fuelled life change), criticized everyone and everything, had zero ambition and had a pimply back. In other words, he SO wasn’t what you wanted.

Now, you could use your experience with him and all his unwanted qualities to figure out what you DO want: a kind, ambitious, passionate, independent, positively focused man with skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom. So, you make your list and you visualize and you’re feeling better about your chances of having a relationship that actually feels good. At this point, you may want to do a spot check – you may want to actively invite manifestations into your life to see where you’re at. You’re not trying to force Mr. Twinklyeyes to come into your reality, but you do want to see where your vibration is at. What have you become a match to? What do you still need to work on? Perhaps you’ll want to fine tune your list. You’re essentially seeking out a mirror who can reflect your current energy back to you, so you can do an assessment.

Internet dating can help you with this. The dates you attract are not random. There are no coincidences here. The losers who contact you and annoy you are simply mirroring back some of your most limiting beliefs. The good but not yet great men are there to show you which of your wanted qualities you’ve already become a match to, and which ones you still need to line up with. The pretty awesome men are there to help you fine tune your vibration even further. You can cast your line and see what comes back to you (and yes, I just used a freaking fishing metaphor. I know. I’m shocked, too).

Bottom Line

You say that you want to get married. I would start with that. Why do you want to get married? What do you want that relationship to look like? How do you want to feel? Are you ready for that relationship? Can you imagine it? Are the men you’re currently meeting (romantically or otherwise) mirroring that scenario back to you? Are the relationships you’re seeing also a match to what you want? Are you clear on what it is that you want, or are you hoping that some guy will just show up and magically heal all your fears about men?

You can definitely use internet dating as a tool to help you with your process. But if you’re just playing the numbers game, without being willing to do the inner work, you’re going to be playing an immensely frustrating game for a long time. And kissing a lot of frogs. Just saying.

* No blind (or sighted) chickens were harmed in the writing of this blog post. In fact, all of my writings tend to be largely cruelty free. Also, gluten free. Because I freaking care. You’re welcome.

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  • Thank you for you post Melody, I especially love the sentence that Universe does not need our help. I was also told by other LOA teacher that I should do some action & she suggested to me look at the internet but I don´t feel it like inspired action.

  • Our thoughts only attract happiness, if our thoughts are positive we will attract positivity. If we will think that we are happy then people around us will feel that happiness within us.

  • Just curious … after we have the “vision” of Mr Right and while we’re waiting for him to manifest in our lives, does it mess things up if we have “friends with benefits” … you know … the guy in one’s life who isn’t and can’t be Mr Right but can be a good friend and definitely has something to offer in the benefits category?

    • I personally believe that if you’re doing something to make you “feel” good like bonking a friend who gives you what you need sexually, that would be increasing your happy vibe, right. However, if sex is what motivates you to find your soul mate and you are having that fulfilled, dont you think you wont “will” the next partner because you’re having your desire already attended to.

      To make sure you are still focusing on finding your soulmate/eternal flame/other half (whatever you like to call them) whilst satisfying your sexual desires what you need to do ensure you focus, feel and welcome them into your life.

      What are everyone elses thoughts?

  • Great topic Melody,

    I’m someone who KNOWS that I won’t need the internet to find the man of my dream whenever I’m ready again, if ever 🙂 to start being interested in having a man in my life.

    You are so right, the type of relationships that you attract are just mirrors of where we are in our life at the time we attract them. Mine wasn’t pretty to say the least. When I came to know that, I felt like I was a piece of s**t, but at the same time, as you’re saying it really helped me realize where my vibrations were at. Mine where flying as low as they make them, so to speak 🙂

    That’s when you really see your reflection in the mirror and that’s not pretty, but it’s a wake up call.

    I think the internet is just a tool, but I definitely don’t believe that your Mr. Right is there, just because we’re in 2013. Mr. Right will show up if you attract him whether online or off line.

  • My ex went om the internet and the first date was apparebtly a lucky shot! So many things in common, she nit havibg a child and he not really a family man…
    Both needy i assume for a relationship, because after 16 years of marriage i needed some more mourning…

    Is vibration also about things you like to do together, sports, etc.same interest?

    We are recently divorced, having a child together.i suppose that should have a stronger vibration, or not?

    I though i understandvit all, but now i feel i don’t understand anyhing anymore….
    Whenever i meet a nice man, he is already having a girlfriend.
    It’s not that handsome men are lined up near my frontdoor.
    What am i doing wrong?…………

    • Have you taken the time to sit and write down what you really want in a relationship as well as what’s important to you personally (your core values)? When I did this about a year ago, I could see why the relationship I was in at the time was not working well … he didn’t fit many things on the list and especially my core values (they were polar opposite). We tried on an off (me more than him) to keep it together for about a year. I finally said enough and let go and moved on. The guy who recently connected with me is every one of the things on my list and our top 5 core values match (they may not be in the same order, but they are the same). I also focused on why I like phone calls/text messages from him (other than “it makes me feel good) … I got specific … we laugh, we share our day, we encourage each other, they come at surprising times. Again, these things all happen on our calls. Most recently, I wanted to know that he was thinking about me or missed me … within less than 48 hours of writing it down and really feeling the emotion behind it, I get exactly what I asked for. If I didn’t believe LOA before, you better believe I’ve seen it in action the past week … with other things as well. We receive what we feel/believe and put out there.

  • LOL and I really did when I read this blog. I wish I had read this and had LOA under my belt during the 5 years (and at least 100 dates) that I tried on line dating, which of course was a complete disaster. Oh, I manifested alright but No sane results at all. Now I am putting my effort into visualizing my perfect partner and I have a great time doing it. It is so much more fun than spending time with guys that I know I will not want a second date with. I let you know how it turns out. Thanks, Mel.

  • There was once a Jew named Itzik. He was a devout Jew who observed the 613 commandments. He attended shul devotedly and served on the committee that ran it. Itzik performed acts of loving kindness to help the poor and the sick. He donated to create dowries for poor brides. He was a mensch in every respect

    But Itzik was a relatively poor man and his capacity to do good was severely limited by his lack of wealth. So he began to think: “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I would win the lottery! Just think of all the good deeds I could perform! I could replace the Shul’s leaking roof, feed the sick and hungry, provide wedding feasts for poor newlyweds.”

    So Itzik began perusing the newspaper each week to discover his name among the lucky winners. He didn’t win the first week. So he said to himself: “God didn’t want me to win this week. But for sure he understands the great good I can do with my winnings and he’ll make me a winner next week.” When next week’s winners were announced, he again was not among them. This time he addressed God directly: “Lord, please remember how my entire life is devoted to You and to doing good for my fellow man. Please heed my call and make me a winner.” When next week’s winners were announced again he wasn’t among them. This time Itzik was bereft and addressed God again: “Lord, I don’t understand why you haven’t answered my prayer. Don’t you understand how much good I can do if you make me a winner? What on earth can I have done wrong to again be a loser?”

    A booming voice from heaven replied: “Itzik, BUY A TICKET!!”

  • “You’ll just get warty lips and there’s no lipstick in the world that’ll cover that shit up”….. ONLY YOU MELODY! Hilarious woman, talented writer, good person, total life-changer. You are just great! I love your blog and thank you for helping me in so many ways! I love yo’ crazy ass positvity. You have cheered me up massively today!

  • Thanks for this post, I found it helpful. I like the picture too and also this line: “So, all things being equal, the more men you go out with, the more likely you are to find the one who’ll spontaneously make you want to offer up your uterus to help him perpetuate his lineage.” lol.

  • Gosh, thanks so much for the clarification in this post…which I already suspected, but needed confirmation on, as there are a few law of attraction gurus who will tell you to make out a list of what you want in a partner, get specific about it, not worry about how the universe will manifest this person…and THEN on their corresponding blog they write posts about how you SHOULD try online dating as if that’s the ONLY way of meeting somebody. It seems to be almost going against their own advice to which is to wait for inspired action and do what feels good. The few times I’ve tried online dating (before learning about the law of attraction) it was out of desperation of wanting to meet somebody as I couldn’t believe there was any other way of meeting single men. I also didn’t know all of the qualities I wanted in a man. Right now, I’m not doing it as the thought of updating my photos and my profile and possibly paying a fee doesn’t sound fun to me at the moment, but work…and that probably means the partner I seek isn’t online, at least not right now. Besides I love that the Universe has delivered previous desires to me in ways I didn’t see coming, when I just relaxed and believed they were on the way. I’d love to be “surprised” the same way when I meet “him”–my dream man and life partner…in a way or place I never saw coming.

    I also love hearing comments from others that found success after they defined *exactly* what they wanted in a partner…that means I’m doing it the right way…the LOA way!

    • first part of your post
      context : Maria is wondering if she should take up internet dating.
      Melody told her she should give it a try. Not as a sure fire way to get a husband but as a way to figure out where she is vibrationally. What Melody said to Maria was meant for her only.
      Melody shares the call with us. (she’s cool like that).

      second part about manifesting what you want.
      I don’t think there are strict rules about LOA. I just works. When it comes to personal life affairs it works through you and for you, even when you don’t believe in it.

      I was taking a bus one day. The bus stopped at red traffic light, I saw a hot girl on the opposite side of the road. My heart skipped a beat. I wish I could talk to her and ask her out. I closed my eyes and focused intensely for 30 seconds. I did not believe in LOA in that 30 seconds and expected nothing. It was just wishing thinking.
      Next thing I know, she got on my bus, sits opposite me, looked at me in the eyes and smiled.
      I wasn’t ready.
      I freaked.
      I ran.
      I never saw her again.

      Im an idot!

  • Beautiful post Melody. Most of rush into romantic relationships out of fear. If we can only trust the Universe and change our beliefs, life and every thing would be much easier and better!

  • Nice article! I want the same as Maria and a close woman who’s very into LoA said it’s a little incongruent from me to want to get a relationship but be making no effort to meet new men or look for dates online. I said meeting dateable men who want relationships in real life has always been hard to impossible and meeting men online seems like a recipe to get insulted, mistreated or hurt. My online dating profile was made, but I haven’t uploaded a photo or touched it ever since lol.

  • I love your blogs about attracting men because this is an LOA concept I totally “get” and have successfully put into practice. I reconnected with my hubby on facebook and he was EXACTLY what I saw in my “dream man” daydreams. 🙂

    Well I didn’t see HIM personally in my daydreams. But he is pretty much an exact match to the physical representation of the dream man I saw in my daydreams. Tall, thin, dark hair, beard. He matches not only the physical, but also the personality qualities I was looking for.

    But I totally agree. Get specific. His personality, his looks. Think about what you want and you WILL get it. And it will come from the most unexpected place too. I’ve known my hubby since 3rd grade and I HATED him in elementary school. If you would have told me when I was a kid that I would end up marrying HIM, I most likely would have said “EWWWW NO WAY! I hate him!” LOL!

    Now I am currently working on this same concept to get out of my day job and into the career of my dreams! My life is slowly but surely doing a total flip. One shift at a time. 🙂

  • Melody you have such an easy way of getting down to the nitty gritty. Part of the challenge it seems to me is, instead of just viewing experiences as consciousness, or vibrations being revealed, they use it as a way to blame themselves or others.

    It is great though to see so many on the path of understanding how cool the system actually is. All our beliefs playing out in the drama of our everyday life.

    It always boils down to the same stuff really…life is an inside job…change your feelings, change your life.

    lots of e-hugs to you for yet another winner.

  • Talk about synchronicity. I just jumped into the water of internet dating a few weeks ago. I’d done it a handful of times the past several years and no one was biting … I know … I wasn’t ready. I told myself when I got divorced several years ago that I didn’t really want to “date” … I wanted to find the right person at the right time and know it. I’d had a long term relationship with someone I knew in my heart wasn’t going to be my partner … I needed what I learned from him to be comfortable in my own skin and with who I was as a woman … when I “got it”, we grew apart and parted ways amicably. A couple of weeks ago I updated my profile with specific language about what I wanted (integrity, family man, OK with my multigenerational family, calm stable presence) and told those who were looking for models, maids, cooks, etc could just keep right on moving past me. If they wanted “real” and were able to take the good times as well as the bad to let me know and we’d talk. Unlike the past, I not only had lots of answers to my queries, but a fantastic gentleman initiated contact with me … we have a “known you forever” kind of feeling and easiness filled with laughter and banter like we’ve been married for years. It only gets better from here.

  • I met my husband online. Here is a part of our story –
    As Melody said if you want something and you start to create vibration around the subject, Universe will send it to you in one way or another. Just trust to Universe, relax, and wait. But before you just sit and wait, you have to know exactly what you want, in details. That’s how I attracted my husband. I’ve got exactly what I was asking for.
    Online dating can be a lot of fun. You will meet many people and every encounter is an experience.
    Good luck =0)

  • Wow I feel so happy to see my question answered! , I usually meet great men online, but they get “bored” with me often…and fast, maybe I’m not ready or just too afraid. You gave me a lot to think about.

    • Maria,

      if they are bored with you, it’s because you’re bored with yourself first.
      if they are comfortable with you, it’s because you are comfortable with yourself first.

      your relationship with yourself is primary, with the man is secondary.

      There is a great myth about relationship:
      The myth states that a woman is somehow born as a broken bottle and so she can’t contain happiness. The only way for her to find happiness is to find the right man so he can create your happiness for you, complete the happiness bottle and fill it up.
      So those poor women would spend countless hours looking for the right man (next to impossible), once she found him, she expects and demands that he will give her happiness. But it’s next to impossible since it’s not something they have to give. Most men wouldn’t know what to do so they will likely fail and disappoint her. Some will love her the way he wants to be love and that’s not her style. She will conclude that all mens are assholes. If he somehow can fake it and be nice to her the way she wanted, she will grab hold with both hands and won’t let go. He became her fix. She drains him. He got worn out and suffers in silent. It gets worse over time when she become needy. One or both parties would seek control. There are various versions of how the relationship will end but they are all end badly.

      I am calling it Bullshit. It is simply NOT true.

      There’s another way.
      new belief: We are all born with full bottle of happiness. We are emotionally self sustained. There are days when you would feel empty but you have the innate ability to replenish.

      You don’t need a man in order to be happy. He can’t create your happiness for you (he can’t create in your reality), he’s not your source of happiness. You are the master of your own universe and is responsible for your own happiness. no one else is. He can only reflect back what you sent out (like a mirror). So use him for reflection. It seems like an odd idea at first but it makes sense when you dig deeper. When you approach love with this reflection perspective, you will maintain full control of your emotions even when engaging in loving activities. It allows you to stay true to youself while you immerse in Love. You don’t loose yourself in love. It’s the same for him. You are reflecting each other. Both you retain your freedom since there is no need to control the partner. Often, the woman gains the courage to be herself and the man gains the strenght to face anything. This is the secret to a long lasting relationship.
      If the 2 of you are a match, both will benifit. If not, one of you will gravitate out.

      Now lets consider another alternative : both partners are treating each other as pain killer. Both will be focusing on pain and pain relief. I don’t have to tell you how it will end.

  • That image is just too funny. That lady’s expression is to die for!! And I love how its from the POV of the cat. he he he
    Very interesting post, as usual. I was so so happy to see it pop in my inbox. Now my day will be awesome. Thank you!!


  • Lol, right on point. I remember learning this lesson when I noticed the guys I attracted online were JUST LIKE the guys I ended up meeting in person. And then I said no to belief in coincidences and started shifting some other beliefs around

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