Awesome Maria’s Burning Question: “What do you think about dating sites? I want to get married and if the universe is supposed to bring me what I want, should I not go looking for it online? I’m confused.”

Dear Awesome Maria,

Thanks for submitting this great question. This really speaks to the whole issue of inspired action. In other words, if you want something, shouldn’t you go out and get it? Most people in our society would tell you yes. In fact, a lot of success gurus will tell you that you can’t ever get what you want without action. Dating is a prime example of that.

It makes sense that if you want to find the man of your dreams, you’ll need to get out there and meet men. It’s a numbers game. Statistically speaking, the more men you meet, the greater your chances of meeting Mr. Wonderful will be, right? That’s just plain logic. The more interviews you go on, the more likely you are to find and get your dream job. The more diets you try [intuitive eating], the closer you’ll get to being forever thin. The more pills you take, the healthier you’ll be. So go out there and kiss all the frogs you can find. Math is on your side. Even a blind chicken will eventually find some corn. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I have slipped quickly and enthusiastically into full blown sarcasm. That’s because playing the numbers game may seem like a good idea at first, but once you’ve given it a try, you’ll soon realize that it’s frustrating, hard and largely ineffective. You could meet thousands of men and not find your dreambunny. You could go on job interviews for the rest of your life and not ever find the “perfect” job. And who amongst us hasn’t tried every freaking diet out there, only to end up fatter than we were before? Blind chickens often starve, people*.

Why statistics and LOA don’t mix

The numbers game has one flaw: It doesn’t take vibration into consideration. It’s based on the assumption that there are no other variables at play. There’s an unspoken statement that precedes all of the platitudes above and that’s: “All things being equal”. So, all things being equal, the more men you go out with, the more likely you are to find the one who’ll spontaneously make you want to offer up your uterus to help him perpetuate his lineage.

But, all things are not equal. If you have a belief that’s blocking out your Adonis, you could kiss all the frogs in the known Universe, and still not find him. Your energy would not allow it. Conversely, if your vibration is aligned with attracting Mr. Right, you could be the only inhabitant on a desert island, and the Law of Attraction would make sure that he’d wash up on shore. Besides, who wants to kiss a bunch of frogs? You’ll just end up getting warty lips, and there’s no lipstick in the world that can cover that shit up.

Internet dating – LOA style

That being said, I don’t want to imply that internet dating can’t be useful. It’s just that you don’t have to get out there and make it happen. Remember that the Universe doesn’t need your help to make your dreams come true. You may joyously participate when you want to, but you are not necessary to the process. Your job is to figure out what you want and then feel good. That’s it. Then, you may be in spired to action, which may or may not include internet dating.

To put it more simply, as you focus on what you truly want and are feeling good, you could be inspired to check out an internet dating site one day, create a profile and find Mr. Snugglypants. This would not, however, entail dating a whole bunch of random losers, going on horrible dates, only to eventually get lucky. The entire process would be easy, smooth and fun.

If, however, you’re not yet sure of what you want, then internet dating can be a very useful tool to help you figure it out. Let’s say that your last relationship was with a douchebag who treated you less than kindly. He was arrogant, had horrible hygiene, lived in his mom’s basement (and not because he’d decided to make a big, passion fuelled life change), criticized everyone and everything, had zero ambition and had a pimply back. In other words, he SO wasn’t what you wanted.

Now, you could use your experience with him and all his unwanted qualities to figure out what you DO want: a kind, ambitious, passionate, independent, positively focused man with skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom. So, you make your list and you visualize and you’re feeling better about your chances of having a relationship that actually feels good. At this point, you may want to do a spot check – you may want to actively invite manifestations into your life to see where you’re at. You’re not trying to force Mr. Twinklyeyes to come into your reality, but you do want to see where your vibration is at. What have you become a match to? What do you still need to work on? Perhaps you’ll want to fine tune your list. You’re essentially seeking out a mirror who can reflect your current energy back to you, so you can do an assessment.

Internet dating can help you with this. The dates you attract are not random. There are no coincidences here. The losers who contact you and annoy you are simply mirroring back some of your most limiting beliefs. The good but not yet great men are there to show you which of your wanted qualities you’ve already become a match to, and which ones you still need to line up with. The pretty awesome men are there to help you fine tune your vibration even further. You can cast your line and see what comes back to you (and yes, I just used a freaking fishing metaphor. I know. I’m shocked, too).

Bottom Line

You say that you want to get married. I would start with that. Why do you want to get married? What do you want that relationship to look like? How do you want to feel? Are you ready for that relationship? Can you imagine it? Are the men you’re currently meeting (romantically or otherwise) mirroring that scenario back to you? Are the relationships you’re seeing also a match to what you want? Are you clear on what it is that you want, or are you hoping that some guy will just show up and magically heal all your fears about men?

You can definitely use internet dating as a tool to help you with your process. But if you’re just playing the numbers game, without being willing to do the inner work, you’re going to be playing an immensely frustrating game for a long time. And kissing a lot of frogs. Just saying.

* No blind (or sighted) chickens were harmed in the writing of this blog post. In fact, all of my writings tend to be largely cruelty free. Also, gluten free. Because I freaking care. You’re welcome.