Today’s post is inspired by Awesome Mike, who is not only a client, but is also currently redesigning my website (no spoilers, but it’s going to be *high pitched sound* AWESOME!), because my life is freaking amazing and synchronous like that.
If you’ve read this post, you’ll know that I firmly believe in the power of questions. Asking the wrong questions can at best, keep you stuck where you are, and at worst, wreak havoc in your life. Asking the right questions can help you to become unstuck and align yourself with the energy of everything you’ve ever wanted.
What are the “right” questions? Well, in general, they are open ended, positively focused questions such as, “What if it goes well?”, “What if I get what I want?”, “How would it feel if I had that?” Basically, they are questions that are posed from the point of view that you will get what you want, which cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. These types of questions are designed to get your mind thinking in a new way, to look for solutions instead of further defining (or lamenting) the problem. The goal of these types of questions is to get yourself re-oriented away from what you don’t want, and towards what you do want, by opening up the possibility of it actually happening (you can’t manifest that which you don’t believe is manifestable).
Are you close to getting what you want?
Of course, asking yourself these “What if” questions is just one way of doing that, and while they will start you on your journey, there are many more tools you can use to fine tune your vibration along the way. Awesome Mike’s questions represent one of these tools.
In short, he’s discovered that if he asks himself the following question, he gets some pretty astounding and useful feedback:
“Would I be surprised if I got what I wanted?”
You see, when you’re aligned with what you want, when you’re a match to it (which is what you need to be so that it can manifest), whatever it is that you want won’t feel like a big deal to you. It will just feel like the next logical step. In other words, you won’t be surprised. You might be elated and joyous and happy and surprised by HOW it came, but you won’t be shocked that the thing itself showed up.
In my post on winning the lottery, I explained that you have to be a match to the abundance that the lottery win would bring into your life, in order to win that amount of money. Most people, if they were truly honest with themselves, would have to admit that they are not currently a comfortable match to millions of dollars more than they currently have. A lottery win would drastically change their lives in ways that they don’t currently know how to handle. It would not feel like the next logical step. It would represent a quantum leap.
So, if the honest answer to the above question is “Yes”, if you would, in fact, be surprised if what you want suddenly showed up in your reality, then you’re not yet ready to manifest it. The bigger the surprise would be, the more vibrational work you have to do in order to make yourself a match to what you want.
Make peace with the process
Ok, so you’ve asked yourself the question, and you realize you’d be surprised if a million dollars suddenly showed up in your account tomorrow. Great. That means you’re not yet a match to a million dollars. Now what?
Don’t despair. Just because you’re not a match to what you want, doesn’t mean you can’t become a match. In fact, that’s what this physical experience is all about; it’s what you’re built for: discovering some new piece of awesomeness that you’re not currently a match to, and figuring out a way to line up with it. Many of you will have heard me say that you have to “make peace with the process”. In other words, you want to come to terms with and figure out a way to get excited about the idea that you’re always going to be heading somewhere, moving towards something new, wanting something. You’re not ever going to be done. If that thought depresses you, you have an assumption that the process sucks and you haven’t yet made peace with it.
If the idea that you’ll always be evolving, growing, and creating new stuff excites you, you’ve made peace with the process. You’ve realized that you’ll never get bored, that you’ll always be challenged, excited, improving, reaching forward, becoming better, and experiencing more and more awesomeness. You’ve also realized that this forward movement doesn’t have to suck. It doesn’t have to be painful. It doesn’t have to feel like slamming yourself against a wall over and over again, until you finally break through exhausted and bloodied, only to have to turn around and do it all over again (also known as the unnecessarily painful cattle prod method of growth).
No, you’ve figured out that you can get to where you want to go, as long as you don’t put too much emphasis on the “how”. In other words, you’ve developed a bit of faith that there IS a way out there, even if you can’t see it right now, for you to get precisely what you want.
So, you begin to visualize what you want, and you try your best not to get caught up in the how of it all, but when you ask yourself if you’d be surprised if it actually showed up, you said “yes”. Your visualizations have helped, but you just can’t quite seem to foster the belief that what you want really CAN materialize. What can you do?
Dissecting your “yeah, buts”
When you’re reaching for something BIG, something that’s important to you, something you want a lot, but which is still far away, vibrationally speaking, the resistance that comes up to contradict it can be overwhelming. It just seems like the odds are always stacked against you. Your mind can list a thousand reasons for why you can’t have what you want, why it’s not even possible, robbing you of the most important component of deliberate receiving.
Another way to talk about this resistance (contradictory thoughts), is to call them the “Yeah, buts”. So, if you think about what you want, and your mind starts arguing “Yeah, that would be great, but…”, whatever follows that “but” is your resistance. These are FALSE beliefs that you’ve decided to adopt and make true in your life. The great news is that you can dissect these false beliefs and make a new decision. And when you do, you soften the resistance and “but” by “but”, align yourself more and more with what you want. Let’s look at an example, shall we?
Meet Bob. Bob wants to get a new job. Because he’s been studying LOA, Bob realizes that instead of aiming for a job he just doesn’t hate (thinking way too small), he’s going to create the job of his dreams. Bob’s current job is the job from hell. He hates his boss, his coworkers and his clients. In fact, he’d rather be sexed to death by an amorous porcupine than go into the office. And that’s on a good day. Bob’s dream job seems very, very far away. Not only would he be surprised if it suddenly showed up, he probably wouldn’t believe it was true, so great would be his shock.
So, Bob begins to ask himself some questions:
- “What is it that I really want?” – He may need to list some of the things he doesn’t like to help him figure out what he wants instead. If he hates his stupid boss, for example, he might want a smart boss, who’s a nice guy instead. Bob should try to get to the core of what he wants, though, which will always be described by a feeling. He wants to feel successful, appreciated, understood, valued, etc.
- “What if I were to actually get what I want?” – Once he’s defined what he really wants (a step most people skip!), Bob can open his mind up to the possibility of actually getting it. He can start to build the belief that success is possible, and get some energy flowing in the right direction. What would it feel like if he actually got his dream job?
- “What are my ‘yeah, buts’?” – As Bob begins moving his vibration closer to that of what he wants (also called “raising his vibration), his mind begins to contradict him. If Bob asks himself “Would I be surprised if I got what I wanted?” and answers “yes”, considering why he’d be surprised will begin to point him towards his limiting beliefs. Instead of simply pushing these contradictions away, Bob can acknowledge them and work with them.
Why can’t you have what you want?
So, Bob begins to list all the reasons for why he can’t have what he wants, that his mind can come up with. He then begins to dissect those reasons one by one.
Bob’s first objection is that there are no jobs of the kind he wants in his area. He’ll probably have to move, which he doesn’t want to do, so he’s trapped. Trapped forever.
Only, is that true? Are there really no jobs of the kind he wants in his area? Well, Bob’s mind will tell him that there aren’t any, as evidenced by the fact that he’s looked and couldn’t find any. Because, apparently, Bob’s mind has decided that he is all knowing and all seeing. It assumes that if Bob looks, he will see EVERYTHING there is to see. What Bob’s mind doesn’t take into account is that he can only perceive what he’s a vibrational match to. It’s as if he’s wearing special glasses that allow him to see everything but the milk he’s looking for in the fridge, so he can’t find it even though his wife insists it’s right there.
So, Bob begins to contradict the contradictive thought. Essentially, he starts a new mini-process, beginning with Step 2 (open ended questions), using not what he ultimately wants as the goal, but simply the opposite of this one limiting belief.
- “What if there ARE actually awesome jobs in this area, and I simply haven’t been able to see them?”
- “What if searching on job sites isn’t the best way to find these jobs, so it’s given me a false sense of failure?”
- “What if it’s not my job to actually go out and find the job?”
- “What if the job found me?”
- “What if all I have to do is to figure out what I want and focus on it in a way that feels truly good, and the job of my dreams can come right into my reality? What would that feel like?”
The goal of these questions will be to show Bob’s mind that the assumption it’s made is simply not true. Other possibilities exist. And if other possibilities exist, then he can no longer staunchly hold to this one, limiting point of view. His problem is no longer unsolvable. He simply hasn’t yet found the solution. Hope is restored, the clouds part and the angels sing. Also, there will somehow be chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.
The power of incremental change
By dissecting your limiting beliefs one by one and contradicting them, you can incrementally (not slowly, just incrementally, as in step by step instead of all at once, as in running the race one foot at a time instead of trying to jump to the finish line) change your vibration and raise it to the level at which you want it to be. This is not only much easier than trying to make a quantum leap, but also generally far more effective (and therefore, actually faster).
If you hate yourself, it’ll probably do you little good to simply chant “I love myself”. The gap between the two beliefs is simply too large. But, if you ask yourself WHY you hate yourself, and then begin to dissect each of those reasons with a willingness to at least entertain new thoughts, these new thoughts will begin to take hold much more easily. For example, you may say that you hate yourself because you’re ugly. You could then begin to dissect the entire standard of beauty, ask yourself who decided that you’re ugly (and who even gets to make that decision), what ugly even means, what you define as beautiful, and finally if it’s not possible that you’re a lot more beautiful than you think you are. Within that process, you might need to start several new mini-processes, but so what? Eventually, you’ll have contradicted all the bullshit beliefs you’ve gathered or been indoctrinated with over the years, and you’ll actually begin to love yourself more.
No matter how big and nasty a belief seems, keep on hacking away at it and it will eventually fall.
So, would you be surprised if what you wanted showed up tomorrow? In the next 30 days? In the next year? If so, why? Why can’t you have what you want? What false beliefs are you holding on to that contradict your desire? Oh, and here’s a hint: Any belief that contradicts you getting what you want is false. Yep, even the ones you think are set in stone. It’s all a hologram people. It’s just a game (an awesome, awesome game) and none of this is nearly as solid as you may think. So whatever story you’re telling yourself that keeps you from being all you can be, give it up. Question it, challenge it, and contradict it. One “yeah, but…” at a time.
Is it okay to cry when I’m trying to contradict my limiting beliefs? Cause I just can’t stop crying!
hi, thanks so much for sharing your insights and providing tools to improve our lives. so glad to have found your website, i’m catching up with the past articles and becoming hopeful about reaching my goals.
It’s true what they say, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, and you have appeared. I have reached the lowest ebb this week and found this site on Thursday, since then I have been steeping myself in it day and night and feel so much better already, my vibration is rising and there are moments when I tingle. I appreciate that and this site, and all your wisdom. I love the “no bullshit” perspective you bring, because I am so a “no bullshit” person. My letters to the universe are written, I am thinking more useful, supportive, happier thoughts, and keeping the worst case scenarios at bay, most of the time, (I’m still a human bean). It’s been a short, sharp learning curve.
I get everything you say in your blog about asking the right questions and not focusing on the how and letting go. The one thing I am having some trouble with is the extent to which others have control over what I can get. My situation, briefly is this: my job has been deleted (I am delighted and have actually found another job), however, I have applied for the voluntary redundancy the company is offering. They have the power to grant it or not, and they may or may not allow me to leave when I want to, (they are obliged to offer me a job for three more months,) but as I have another job, which I don’t want to risk losing, I am good to go.
Anyway, I know I can’t influence the how, and am being mellow about it all, having figured that I have done my bit by asking for what I want (of my employer and the universe) and raising my vibration. My, (yes, I know, I am taking a while to get there), issue is this: it is in the employer’s power to grant me my redundancy (ie, cash of a much-needed variety) and release me early, or not. I have no power over that. How can I get over this and therefore let go the idea that I would be surprised to get what I want, as the gift lies in someone else’s power, (or does it)?
It doesn’t lie in someone else’s power. What would you get, if your employer granted your wish? Money? Do you think this is the only way for that money to come to you? If you’re a match to the experience that it will provide you with, you’ll manifest it, whether or not it comes through your employer. So, if he decides to play along, which he very well may, then great. If not, you’ll still get what you want, just in another way. People have the power to play along with you, or not. But they can’t keep you from getting what you want. If you think they do, you’re focusing too specifically. 🙂
Holy coconut macaroon!!!! OMW, your answer made my whole body jump inside. Yes, I want the redundancy and the early leaving because I want the money and I want to be able to start my new job asap. It never entered my mind that the money could come to me another way. Guess I’m not vibrationally lined-up with getting the money any old how, just with getting it that particular way. Thank you for helping me see that I was still focusing on the “how”.
Are you for real??? 🙂 Seriously, you make so much sense.
Just want to tell you and any readers who look for confirmation that this works (I know I like to find confirmation as it is comforting). Everything I wanted regarding my redundancy worked exactly as I wanted it to. I did what you said, and didn’t fixate on HOW I would get the money. I focused on the outcome I wanted – visualised feeling happy and peaceful in my last few weeks at work and visualised myself in my new job – I started to reach for happier feelings, and very soon got myself into a state of bliss, which I am maintaining most of the time, and let go of how. Everytime I looked at anything in my house that needed fixing, instead of feeling that stomach-clenching angst I always used to, I just pictured it looking lovely and kept saying, “the money is on it’s way”, and I LET GO. I only took one small action, which was inspired by an opportunity that presented itself to me, which I normally would have dismissed. And that action is what made all the difference to my result.
The key for me in this whole process and my new understanding of LOA, thanks to you and this fantastic resource, is feeling HAPPY and deciding to feel that, every moment. I am now consciously aware of how I feel all the time and thus able to very quickly work on any resistance when I notice thoughts or events starting to mess with that.
On a fun, frivolous note, I made someone move so I could have a specific seat (yeah, yeah, I know I can’t make anyone do anything, but now I got da powaaah!!). In LOA speak I manifested the perfect seat. I wanted to sit by the heater in the waiting room at the station (I commute everyday by train), and a woman was sitting there when I walked in. I decided that within 5 minutes I would be sitting there. I visualised myself sitting there, feeling happy, cosy and warm, then let it go and thought about something else. Within 5 minutes she got up and left!! Result.
Thank you again for providing this awesome resource, it is helping me enormously, and my husband is getting on board, so much so that we have booked a New Year getaway to put into practice your end of year exercise for setting up 2014. Will keep you and readers posted.
I’d probably be surprised. I know that I do ways to get what I want but still, a part of me hesitates if I get to achieve it. But I’ll surely be grateful as well.
Wow… It is because of posts like this that I keep coming back to this site. You get it. This blew my mind!!! You really can’t be surprised if you got what you wanted because you’re supposed to believe that you already have it.
Would I be surprised? No… Would I be grateful yes? Is it the same thing? I don’t know. I thank God all the time but there have been times that something I really wanted happened and I just dropped on my knees and almost cried out of happiness and gratefulness.
WOW. Great stuff again Melody! This is sooo true and I hadn’t thought of the questions like this before. I have seen Abraham’s Wouldn’t Be Nice If questions but this gies even further.
Tons of Shiny Puppy Hugs for you.
I’m stuck at working out what I truly want.
I followed the steps and what I came up with felt “meh…”
Some of my big and nasty resistances are popping up too, almost overwhelming.
Some of them are downright painful and made me want to stop advancing.
I am progressing very slowly right now.
Thank you so much for this Amazing post.. It’s really motivational and since you’ve posted, I’ve read it almost everyday. Keep writing these incredible posts!
It’s showing up for me, one awesome thing after another! I signed my retirement papers October 25 for a January retirement (age 55). I’m going to be a first time Grandmother and I’m moving from LA to Virginia to start what I’m calling my Chapter 2! AWESOME!!! The Universe is so wonderful!!! I’m deliberately creating!!! Yeah!!!
That’s AWESOME Cheryl!! You go girl!!! Chapter 2… I love it! 🙂
Huge smooshy hugs,
Thanks again “Freakin’ Awesome” Melody for this subject matter, advice and, (of course), perfect timing! This blog I will copy, frame, and post where I will always see it. This exactly hits my trouble spots concerning the “Yeah, buts…” and the ” I’m not beautiful- hate myself” attitude! I’d say more but I’m going to take a better look at my mirrors!
Thank you for this post Melody, I’m finding it very helpful. 🙂
Just what I need at just the right time!
I need a job, but wasn’t even sure what kind of job I want. So last night, i made a list of all the things I don’t want, which i then turned into a list of everything i do want. Although I was excited about it, I had some serious doubts if this kind of job even exists. And even if it does, I didn’t believe that I could possibly land a job that great. I didn’t know what to do, so I asked the universe how I can become a match to my new job. And today i find a post on my situation complete with step-by-step instructions. That’s one clear sign!
What a great post! I have never commented before but been following your amazing blog for a while. I LOVE your great practical advice, and really want to thank you for all the guidance you are giving. A true role model. 🙂
Thanks for this post. Quick answer, no, I would now not be surprised at anything any more. So many manifestations are coming so quickly and easily. My “job” at the moment is to notice everything. Knowing that even a small manifestation is powerful. And be grateful. Also to release the over-thinking, over intellectualising and analysing of everything and just be. Be open to flow… thanks again.
Kuradji, I agree! I’ve become so much more aware of the little things that I probably didn’t notice before. I am so open to the flow 🙂
No, I’m not surprised that I’m getting everything I want. When I focus on my happiness, my joy in living, and everything that makes me giggle and dance and soar, things manifest in the physical because they’re already there in those vibrations. I ‘m excited to experience the endless awesomeness of their arrival.
A more fun question I love asking is “How much more awesome can one day get?!
Judy, wow! Thanks for your simple reminder!!! Today when my day was going great, I also thought to myself if it could be any more awesome!!
Great melody ! are you hotwired to heaven or what ?! 😉 This is soooo soothing to the rebellious mind, and so well explained; from the grass roots up. congratulations and thank you.
Lovely Melody, this is just what I ‘needed’ to hear. YOU ARE AN ANGEL OF GOD! I have no doubt about it. Thank you!!!!!!!!
What if you manifested something and it scared the crap out of you? For example, I have been wanting to meet this specific athlete for a while and this past weekend who do I see sitting at the bar? I mustered the courage to go up to him but I literally was beyond nervous and it wasn’t the ideal meeting situation so I’m kind of bummed.
Dearest melody, i have been reading your methodologies for quite sometime. none of us get to escape a bad day every once in a while and today was my day. just simply reading your posts shifts my vibration and i am so happy you were attracted into my emails!!! Thank you for supplying answers for all to read. these are tutorials and very beneficial if taken to heart. you have been a blessing for me : )