On Thursday, I posted Part I of this journey, and explained how I came to do a liver cleanse and why. If you haven’t read that post, please do so before you read this one. It’s imperative to understand that what I’m about to describe are possible actions you can take, but are by no means the miracle cure for everyone. If your intuition is nudging you to try this, great. But, if you don’t feel like it, don’t just do it because I did. That won’t work. Are we clear? Oh goody.

A wee little note of warning: At the end of this post, there’s a section that’s going to contain VERY STRONG language. Why? Because I’m going to share a part of my own personal journal with you. In order to give you as much of the full experience as I can, I have to leave the journal uncensored. I curse. Splendidly. If you can’t tolerate the F word, please go and google “liver flush” and get your info in a more family friendly place. If creative language makes you giggle, read on. In either case, please be advised that we will be talking about poop. It will be gross. There’s nothing I can do about that. Our bodies are sometimes exceedingly disgusting. Let’s just be adults about it and move on, ok? Hehehehehe. I said poop.

How the body handles toxins

Right, so here’s what I’ve come to understand about detoxing the body: There are several organs/systems our body uses to filter out the bad stuff and help keep us healthy, or barring that, alive. When everything is working great, the intestines, kidneys and liver do a great job of filtering out the bad stuff and getting rid of it through our feces and urine. We also detox through our sweat and breath, but we’re going to stick largely to the digestive system today. If everything is optimal, our toxin elimination systems are able to neutralize all the crap that comes into our bodies and get rid of it. But, what if more crap comes in than our bodies have the ability to deal with? Well, then the body has to scramble to keep up, and will do whatever it needs to, to keep us standing upright. You see, our bodies can’t just flush the toxins out, as they are. They have to be neutralized first. This means, the body has to do something, add something, use enzymes to break them apart, etc., in order to eliminate the substances safely.

If we’re taking in more toxins than our bodies can safely handle, they will:

  • Take valuable minerals out of our bones and teeth, to help neutralize excess acids. Yes, this will give us osteoporosis and rotten teeth, but we won’t be dead.
  • Bind dangerous toxins with fat and shove them into our fat cells, where they have to stay until we’re able to safely let them out. If we keep on exposing ourselves to more toxins that our bodies can handle, they will not be able to let any of our fat go. Think about that for a second.
  • Take minerals and proteins from our hair and nails (brittle nails and hair are signs of poor health).
  • Try to flush excess toxins out through our skin (acne, rashes, or other skin conditions, anyone?)
  • Store toxins in other areas, like the lymphatic system, for example. (Ever get dark circles under the eyes?)

When the intestines, liver and kidneys can no longer handle the toxic load, they get all clogged up with goo, so to speak, making the process ever progressively worse.

The solution, as I see it (and I’m by no means alone here), is twofold:

  1. Eliminate as much of the toxic load as possible
  2. Help to cleanse the “filters”, so they can help to clean up the rest of the body

Eliminating your toxic load

Before you panic, I’m not saying that you have to go and live on a mountain somewhere, without cell reception. If something is uncomfortable for you, it’s not going to serve you. The key is to look for options that feel truly good. The biggest thing you can do for yourself is to stop eating crap. Try to replace the unhealthy (read: chemical) foods you’re eating with natural ones. And I’m not talking about weird, faux concoctions that aim to mimic unhealthy foods. Those are just disgusting. It has to taste good to you AND feel good to you. Food is meant to be enjoyed. But if it doesn’t make you feel good physically, look for another option. Really great tasting natural foods do exist (think original foods, the produce section, foods your grandmother would’ve recognized).

If, as I did, you’ve forgotten how to listen to your body, then do some kind of fast, if you can. This will reset you to zero (or as close as possible), after which you can slowly add foods back in and see how they make you feel. You may discover that dairy or wheat have been the source of your fatigue, all along, for example. Once you’ve eliminated these foods temporarily by fasting, adding them back in will cause a bigger reaction than ever, giving you the chance to figure out what you’re reacting to.


There are many ways to fast. Here are a few that I’ve tried, listed from most radical to most do-able when you live in the modern world:

  1. Water fasting. This is when you drink only water for a week or two. Water fasting a fantastic, if you can take the time off and go to a meditation retreat. Your hunger mechanism will shut down after 3 days, and your body will fully support you in your fast. Water fasting is not at all advisable, however, if you have to keep working and taking the kids to school. You could feel weak and tired, and your emotions will be all over the place. There are less extreme methods.
  2. A juice fast (or juice feast). I love juicing. I consider this to be even healthier than the Master Cleanse (see below), because you get even more (a lot more) nutrients. If you’re going to fast for longer than 30 days, consider a juice fast. The downside is that it’s very time consuming (you’ll be making a lot of juice, if it’s the only thing you’re consuming), you’ll need a good juicer, and all those veggies can be pricey, especially if you go all organic. I’ve put juicing as more radical than the Master Cleanse because to me, it’s more invasive and harder to build into a busy work schedule. For inspiration, please watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (I’ve linked to it on YouTube, but if that link is broken, just google it. It’s free to watch, but unfortunately, the links differ by country…)
  3. The Master Cleanse. Also known as the lemon juice/maple syrup/cayenne diet. This is one of my favorites. I’ve done it several times, once for 35 days (this was back in my corporate days, when I was so overworked and toxic that I could barely stand upright. I finally had to do something, so I did a Master Cleanse for 35 days, which made me feel 1000% better, and also caused me to have to face that things in my life had to change.) The Master Cleanse is one of the easiest fasts you can do – it requires little work (squeezing some lemons), no real equipment to buy, and won’t really interfere with your life. For more information, buy the original Master Cleanse book by Stanley Burroughs.
  4. Eat a 100% Alkaline diet. Certain foods react in an alkaline way in our bodies once digested, and certain foods produce acidic compounds. While some people will tell you that acidic foods are the devil, that’s not true. We need them. We just don’t need them in excess. Most people have been ingesting way too many acidic foods (the worst of which are processed foods and artificial sweeteners) for far too long, causing a massive build up of acids in the system (toxins are acidic). If you make your entire diet alkaline for a little while, your body will get a chance to neutralize and release all those acids. There have been many, many books written on this subject if you’d like to know more, but basically, eat fruits and veggies, and all natural. Cut out all meats and dairy and grains (remember, this is temporary). Your body will tell you when it’s time to add those back in. I like the alkaline diet, because you get to eat. You can even eat out, so it’s the least invasive and can be kept up for the longest period of time (I did it for 6 months once. I was really, really ill, and it brought me back to health).

Keep in mind that when you fast, you are going to be making massive changes to your body, which will have energetic consequences. This means, emotions will be coming up, right along with the toxins. When you fast, make time to rest, to meditate, to reflect and to journal. If you don’t process what comes up, you’ll only be giving your body a reprieve, not an actual solution.

Also know that fasting is part of the body’s natural detoxing process. When I gained weight and started to feel sick, the nutritionist I went to told me that I’d been eating too little, which was causing my liver to eat itself. This made no sense to me. When I didn’t eat, I felt better. After a bit more listening to myself and researching, I figured out that my body was telling me not to eat. This was my body’s way of going into spontaneous detox (mind you, I still ate, just very little, and this lasted weeks, not months and months. I was gaining weight, not becoming anorexic). My body was trying to get me to fast. Once I got better, my appetite returned. You’ll also notice that when you get sick, you’ll often be repulsed by food for a few days. You just can’t make yourself eat. This happens to animals, as well. Fasting is part of the body’s own healing process.


Also keep in mind that the biggest toxic culprit of all is stress. You can eat a raw vegan diet, cycle to work, and inhale only bottled air from the Himalayas. If you’re constantly stressed out, you’ll be toxic.

Other ways to reduce your toxic load

A lot of toxins enter our bodies through our skin. This is where things can get a little difficult. You can replace your beauty products with natural ones, but not all of them are going to be good. Personally, I replace something only when I’ve found a natural solution that’s just as good (if not better) than the one I was using. The rest, I don’t worry about. I’ve replaced my body and night cream with pure, virgin coconut oil (it actually works better than my €40 pot of French cream, at a fraction of the cost, so this one was a no-brainer). I don’t use it for daycream when I wear makeup because it’s too oily, and I use a separate foot cream because the oil isn’t rich enough. I use natural deodorant (this has yet to be tested in the summer, but if I stink, I’m going back). I use coconut oil and apple cider vinegar to cleanse my skin.

I haven’t yet replaced my detergent, or all my cleaning supplies. Frankly, because I’m busy and I trust that replacements will come to me when I need them. Like I said, do what feels good, and don’t worry about the rest. Your worry will do more damage than the chemicals.

Oil Pulling

I only discovered oil pulling about three months ago, but I love it. Basically, you take 2 Tablespoons of oil into your mouth and swish it about for 15-20 minutes. Then you spit it out. The theory behind this practice is that the oil will attract bacteria and other nasty substances like a magnet (the oil binds them), and therefore allow you to eliminate them. No, it does not magically suck the toxins out of your system, as many websites claim. Since the human mouth is apparently an incredibly dirty place (a human bite is much worse than a dog bite, even though they lick their butts!), regularly cleaning it up in a major way is a great way to reduce your toxic load. Studies have been done on oil pulling and dental health and the results have been astounding. The first time I pulled oil I got an immediate detox headache, a sure sign (for me) that things were “moving”. Also, I love the way my teeth feel after oil pulling – like they’ve just been professionally cleaned. A great resource on this topic is the book “Oil Pulling Therapy” by Bruce Fife. Hint: if you’re going to use Coconut Oil for pulling, which is great, melt it first. Otherwise, it’s just gross.

Cleaning the filters

Ok, so once you’ve reduced the toxins that are coming into your body, you can then begin to support the body in eliminating the ones that are already there.

The biggest and baddest of the body’s toxin filters is the liver. Since, however, nothing in our body works in isolation (we are not machines where each part functions separately and can just be fixed or replaced; it’s all connected), you can’t just go and clean the liver and be done with it. You have to respect how the body does things.

When you flush the liver in the way that I’ll be describing, it dumps all the vile, disgusting stuff it’s filtered out of your food and blood into the intestines to be released (read: pooped out). It does this anyway – that’s its normal process; but when the liver is compromised and congested, it means that it’s tried to process more toxins that it could handle, and it ended up storing a lot of the nastiest crap inside itself. That’s how much your liver loves you. It will take the hit for you. Awwwww.

So, before you can go and clean the liver, you have to make sure the old poop shoot is clean. Now, I know that I tend to be a bit hard core when it comes to the techniques I favor for myself, but I’m also cognizant of the fact that not everyone is. Also, I’m apparently becoming mellower with age. So, I’ve been looking for gentler ways to do these clean ups, and I’ve found them. Yay!

Cleaning the colon

Having a clean colon and intestinal track are much more important than you might think. If you’re living in the modern world and you’re eating “normal” food, the chances are quite good that your digestion is, at least to some degree, messed up. Mucoid plaque will build up on the sides of your intestines, gunking them up and making them unable to absorb nutrients from the food you eat. If your liver is also compromised, meaning, you won’t be producing as much bile as you need, it won’t really matter what wonderful foods you eat – you won’t be able to properly break down and absorb any of the nutrients anyway. You’ll end up actually being nutrient deficient (starving), leading to monster cravings for food. Any kind of food.

There are various ways to clean the colon, including, of course fasting (see above). My favorite method to go specifically after the digestive system, by far, is (Food Grade!) Diatomaceous Earth. Basically, this is a white, chalky powder made of the shells of long dead, microscopic Sea Monkeys. Ok, not really. It actually consists of fossilized remains of diatoms, a type of hard-shelled algae. All you have to do is put a tablespoon or two (work your way up to it) in a drink each morning (I like fresh squeezed OJ), and chug it down. The thicker the drink, the less you’ll be aware of the powder. I’ve tried it with water (too chalky), water with lemon juice (better, but still not great), OJ (nice!) and Gazpacho (perfect. It disappears completely).

Diatomaceous Earth will gently scrub out your intestines, and mechanically rid you of mucus buildup and parasites. Please note that if you have a massive parasite infection, DE is probably not going to be enough. It takes about two months to get your poop shooter sparkling clean. I can’t believe I just got to use that sentence.

Another way to clean the intestinal track is to get regular colonics. Yes, I’ve done these, too, and it’s not as bad as it sounds. A practitioner does shove a hose up your hiney and repeatedly fill you with water (it’s a two way hose system, so the water also flows back out). But it’s all very discreet (they do this for a living and they are healers), and you can’t argue with the results. In many cases, you can even watch the nasty, old goo coming out of you through a glass pipe in the machine. Once you’ve done one, you’ll realize it’s really not that big a deal.

There are also various colon cleansing products on the market. I can’t do a review of any of these. I prefer to stick to natural methods. You can use chemicals to clean your pooper, but to me, that kind of defeats the purpose. Plus, it’s not necessary.

Once you’ve cleaned the colon, and ONLY once you’ve done this, you can move on to clean the liver. Really, this cannot be stressed enough. If your intestines are not clean, doing a liver cleanse will make you quite ill.

Cleaning the Kidneys

I haven’t personally done a dedicated kidney cleanse yet (although they do get cleaned when fasting), so I can’t talk about it, but I plan to in the next year. I’m happy to report on it, once I’ve gone there. If any of you have any experience with Kidney Cleansing, please share your knowledge in the comments. I will talk about the liver, though.

Cleaning the liver

Again, there are many ways to clean the liver. I’m going to report on the methods I’ve tried. Feel free to research them yourself.

Coffee Enemas

Yes, this is a real thing. And, it’s actually very popular in the detox world. Coffee, when taken up the rump, apparently stimulates the liver to release more bile, which can flood out intrahepatic stones (stones in the liver, or just liver junk). I gave this the good old college try when my body first told me to cleanse my liver. I know that tons of people have had amazing results with this method, but I found it laborious and a bit harsh. And really, what it came down to is that I didn’t end up feeling much better. I’m not sure why I was led to try it, perhaps because it did cause me to find the information about the liver flush. It has to be said, though, that coffee enemas are an integral part of the Gerson Therapy, an alternative cancer treatment protocol, with an incredible success rate. So it may not be for me, personally, but I still think there’s something to it.

Chinese Bitters

When I saw the nutritionist who told me I was eating too little, she put me on a diet, where I forced myself to ingest much larger quantities of food than I wanted. This lasted a few days, after which I was ready to give up food forever. But I did end up feeling better after a little while. It took me a bit to figure out why. It definitely wasn’t the food. And it wasn’t all the pills and potions be prescribed, because I ended up not taking most of them (my body said no). But what I did take, continuously and consistently, were the bitters. Bitter herbs are a great way to stimulate and gently (but effectively) cleanse the liver. I recently purchased some Chinese Bitters from a wonderful Chinese herbalist/Biologist in Canada, and the Universe even proved to me that they work (I need that sort of thing…) I misread the dosage, and thought instead of ½ – 1 tsp., it said 1-2 tsp. per day. So, I took two teaspoons each morning. I ended up feeling like crap at the slightest physical exertion, as my liver started dumping toxins into my system. My body told me to reduce the dosage, and when I did, I felt immediately better.

As a sidenote, this also brought an incredible a-ha moment, as I realized that all those times, as a child, when I hadn’t wanted to exercise (especially in the mornings) because it had made me feel like crap, I wasn’t just lazy as the teachers claimed, I really did feel like crap. Not feeling like exercising when you have a healthy liver feels nothing like not feeling like exercising when you have a congested liver. If working out makes you feel sick, you’re not lazy! Do a liver cleanse.

Bitter Herbs have a long standing reputation of being good for the liver. They help decongest the liver, but do so gently (unless you take too much). Also, it’s totally non-invasive. It doesn’t take much time to take a teaspoon of tonic every morning. The taste is tolerable (I’ve had far worse, see Epsom Salts below), and they will, over time, really make a difference.

Unless you’re really sick, however, even the producers of the bitters will recommend doing a series of liver flushes to really clean out the old toxin filter.

The Liver Flush

If you google liver flush, you’ll get a whole lot of information, some of it good, some of it weird. Not all the weird stuff is off the mark. The two main protocols that people follow are from Dr. Hulda Clark and the one from Andreas Moritz. I decided to follow Andreas Moritz’ cleanse. If you choose to do this, I HIGHLY recommend that you get his book, “The Liver and Gallbladder Miracle Cleanse: An All-Natural, At-Home Flush to Purify and Rejuvenate Your Body”, available on Amazon and Kindle. It will fully explain how the liver works, what symptoms can result from a congested liver, and how to do the flush in great detail. Please follow the protocol exactly. Cleaning out the liver is like handling nuclear waste. You DO NOT want all that toxic crap being reabsorbed into your body.

The idea behind the liver flush is that you

  1. Soften the intrahepatic stones in the liver using malic acid (present in apple juice), making them much easier to purge
  2. Open up the bile ducts with Magnesium Sulfate (Epsom Salts), so everything can be painlessly flushed out
  3. Stimulate the liver to purge, using extra virgin olive oil mixed with citrus juice (oil naturally makes the liver and gall bladder purge large amounts of bile)
  4. Flush everything out with more Epsom Salts (this time used for their laxative effect)

I like the flush for several reasons.

  1. It’s fast. Your actual downtime is one night and one day.
  2. It’s easy. You don’t need a lot of preparation or equipment
  3. It’s cheap. All the ingredients can be purchased at the grocery or drug store and the whole thing costs about $20 (if you buy organic apple juice).
  4. It’s effective (this is based on my personal experience of doing one flush, and thousands of anecdotes; listen to your body!)

The liver flush protocol

Remember, if this is something your intuition is telling you to do, great. Get the book and go for it. But if it just seems weird or scary or too radical, don’t worry about it.

6 days before the flush – Drink one liter of apple juice (preferably organic, but apparently it doesn’t have to be, and it does not have to be fresh squeezed), each day. Sip it throughout the day, except for when you’re eating, so your liver is continuously bathed in the malic acid. If you can’t tolerate apple juice or all that sugar, see the book for alternatives. Do this for 6 days, and try to eat as clean as possible during this week. Do not do this flush in a week when you have your period.

Day of the Flush – eat a light breakfast, and a very light lunch. Don’t eat meat or dairy, and definitely DO NOT eat any kind of oil. This is important. You want the oil to cause a reaction in your liver, so if you bathe your guts in oil all day, that’s not going to happen. Don’t eat after 1:30 p.m. (unless you have a messed up schedule, like me, in which case, don’t eat 8.5 hours before you plan to take the oil mixture).

The Flush:

6 p.m. (or 4.5 hours after lunch, just do the math) – mix up 4 Tablespoons of Epsom salts in 24 oz. of water. I added fresh squeezed lemon juice to this, because I HATE the taste of Epsom Salts (see below). Drink 6 oz. of this, leave the rest. Don’t refrigerate, since cold drinks shock the liver.

8 p.m. – drink another 6 oz. of the Epsom Salt mixture.

10 p.m. – Mix up 4 oz. of Extra Virgin Olive oil and 6 oz. of either Grapefruit juice or ½ Orange and ½ Lemon juice mixed together. This is not nearly as gross as it sounds. Mix well (I used a wand mixer, and it emulsified it, so it was kind of creamy), and chug. Try to drink it quickly and then lie down immediately on your right side. Yes, you are going to bed. If, like me, you don’t go to bed at 10 p.m., just adjust the times.

The next morning, 6 a.m. – or when you wake up, but not before (so, not earlier than 8 hours after you drink the oil concoction), drink 6 oz. of the Epsom Salt mixture.

8 a.m. – drink the last of the Epsom Salts

10 a.m. – have some juice, then you can ease yourself into a bit of fruit for a few hours, and by late lunch or dinner at the latest, you should be back to normal.

Additional Tips

  • Make sure, on the morning of the cleanse, that you’re very close to the bathroom. You will be spending a lot of time there.
  • Invest in some of those wet baby wipes. You will need them.
  • Drink as much water as you want, except right after you’ve had the oil or the Epsom Salts. DO NOT tempt fate and leave the house.
  • Do not fart. Seriously. Just don’t. If you think you need to fart, go to the toilet. It’s not going to be just a fart. It’s never just a fart.
  • If you live with other people, make sure you have a dedicated bathroom. You’re going to have liquid poo shooting out of you and it will not be able to wait, is what I’m saying, ok?
  • Also, you may be tired that day and need to take a nap. Listen to your body.
  • Consider taking an enema or having a colonic the day after the cleanse, to make sure all stones have been flushed out of the intestines.
  • Repeat the flush every 3-4 weeks, until you’ve had two consecutive cleanses without stones. The liver is a very large organ with miles of bile ducts. You cannot clean it in a day. It takes time. Just make your peace with that.
  • You may want to purchase a cheap colander for the cleanse, which you can put in the toilet to catch the stones. I did (after much deliberation), and I have to tell you, it was rather satisfying to see the “results”. No, I did not take pictures. That was a step too far, even for me. But, you can find many such photos on the old Google.

My personal experience

Ok, so now for the really personal stuff. I did my first cleanse this week, and I’m going to share it with you via my actual journal entries. I think they do a good job of showing what really happened, and how I felt throughout. I can’t quite believe I’m about to share this much of myself publicly, but then, vulnerability ho, right? Also, when I was doing my research, I found very few really detailed experiences on line, which would’ve helped prepare me for what was to come. And yes, this is really how I write in my journal (I’ve added a few notes for clarification). Welcome to the inner workings of my mind. Mwahahahaha.

Day of the flush (I was going to drink the oil at 1 a.m., which was actually kind of an early bedtime for me. I’m a night owl.)

20:58 – Just had my first dosage of Epsom Salts. Oh fuck, was that gross. Getting it down with a straw helps a lot. But really, what hit me as soon as I stopped drinking, the taste of it, made me want to go back in time and slap that glass out of my own hand. Oh man. It finally goes away to a degree, but holy fuckwads, that’s nasty. I’d much rather drink Aya than this!!!! (Note: Aya refers to Ayahuasca, one of the nastiest tasting substances on earth. Merely watching someone else drink it makes me gag).

00:57 – Ok, I’ve pooped pretty much everything I’ve ever eaten out of me. The Epsom salts, although the devil’s drink, have done their job nicely. These pipes are clean.

Now I have to drink the olive oil mixture. One problem: my feet are freezing. I think I’d better take a quick hot shower, or else I’ll never get to bed. I’ve set up the heater in the bathroom, as well, so I don’t freeze when I have to go. There will be a lot of pooping tomorrow. I realized that using the colander is going to be hard. Where will the toilet paper go?? Will I have to fish it out? Ick. Why does no one talk about this in their YouTube videos?? It’s all about the stones, ok, yes, but what about the fucking toilet paper??

Ok, yes, a quick hot shower, then the drink and then bed. Believe it or not, I’m actually quite tired, even though it’s only 1 a.m. I’m exhausted and I don’t think it’ll be long before I go to bed, providing I don’t freeze…

Next day

D-Day. 10:35 – I woke up at 10:00. It took me a long time to get to sleep last night. The main issue was that I was cold. I had the heater in the bedroom, and sweats on, and it still took hours for me to get properly warm (note, it wasn’t actually THAT cold. I just couldn’t get warm that night. I don’t know if this was due to the Epsom Salts… I have no problem blaming them if it was. I was absolutely fine the next night.). When I did finally fall asleep, I managed to sleep through the night and not wake up.

The oil mixture was surprisingly pleasant. Like salad dressing. Not bad at all.

So, I got up, had a pee, checked some emails and already had to eliminate. I just took my 3rd dose of Epsom Salts. That leaves one more to go at 12:00. But, get this: I already eliminated. I needed to go as I sat here and so I ran, and had some liquid come out and when I checked the colander, there were little green stones and much smaller, red ones. Interesting. I never would’ve seen them in the toilet. Wow.

So, already getting results made taking the disgusting salt mixture easier. Not pleasant, mind you, but more worth it.

Also, I haven’t been up this early in ages. I love it!! I don’t know if today will be particularly productive. I’ll be pooping a lot. I suppose I’ll get a lot of reading and pondering done on the toilet, ha, ha. Note to self: DO NOT answer emails on the toilet. They will know.

13:45 – Ok, so I’ve been pooping. It’s just water now, although it burns. Bile is incredibly alkaline, right? So that’s probably it. Why did I not buy those wet thingies. Asswipes? Why did I not buy wet asswipes? OMG, I just realized where that insult came from… I’m pooping out bile. No more stones have come out. They all seemed to be in the first push. But now, I’m getting really tired. I really want to take a nap. But I also want to lie out in the sun. There’s a little bit of it out there… Nap in the sun?

14:17 Ok, I sat in the sun for a bit. It was really nice. But I’m tired. And I’m kind of hungry. The squirts seem to have calmed down a bit. My feet are freezing, once again. I’m so tired of having cold feet! WTF, feet! I put on all these layers, hoping to keep them warm, but they refuse. Maybe a nice warm foot bath. I don’t dare yet take a shower… I need the toilet handy.

17:00 – Took a nap. Totally zonked out. The doorbell may have rung and woken me up. Not sure. People should respect the nap. Feeling ok. Still a bit weak but not really groggy. I’m hungry, so I’m making my normal raw smoothie. Goddam I love that smoothie. Possibly unnaturally so.

18:30 – Holy shit. HOLY SHIT! In the words of the great, late James Brown, I feel good! If I could do the splits right now, I totally would. Note to self: learn how to do the splits. So, SO fucking worth it. Even the stupid Epsom Salts (take that, demon spawn who thought them up!). Christ I just want to jump around. I haven’t had this much energy, in, I don’t even know. Happy energy. I have to call someone.

19:00 – Called mom. Was so happy I made her happy. Still full of energy. I’ll never get to sleep tonight. Or maybe I will. I don’t care. I have to share this. Do people know about this? Why isn’t everyone doing this? Blog post? Do I dare write about this? What with the pooping and everything? Am I ready to put myself out there like that? Ooh, comfort zone time. I’m going to post on Facebook and test the waters.

21:00 – Facebook said go for it.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Now, it’s your turn: I’d love to hear what you think. This two part blog post was a real departure from what I normally write about, so I realize some of you may be all “Where’s the LOA at?” Don’t worry, it’s coming back. This is also the most vulnerable I’ve ever been in public, but I figured, if I’m going to share this info, I’d better do it right. Did you benefit from this post? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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  • I used to use a commercial colon cleansing product once a year. It included a daily fiber drink, natural laxative tea at night and an herbal solution to kill parasites. I had to supplement with probiotics or I would be completely drained of energy. Not good in a 30 day program.

    I will now try food grade Diatomaceous Earth for colon cleansing before attempting the liver cleanse.

    As for skin care products, I used to use an expensive cream as well, until I met a woman approaching 60 who looked like she was in her 30’s. I literally made her show me her driver’s license.

    I asked for her secret and she told me Aloe Vera gel, used morning and night.

    Much cheaper than those chemical filled creams and from my experience, more effective: a family member told me the other day that I was not aging. 😉

  • You repeat over and over to listen to your body – that is so true. I eat at least 98% organic/all natural at home (seldom eat fruits and vegetables if they are not organic…freak!!!). 2-3 months ago I decided to switch to smoothies and protein shakes. That turned out the most painful and unpleasant experience for me, not only because my smoothies tasted absolutely atrocious, but also because the raw vegetables – especially the ones with lots of fiber – hurt and bloated my stomach badly every single time. (Broccoli, celery or beets smoothie? No matter how I experimented, they got me rolling in pain each time.) The discomfort only subsided after I had some dairy or sweet (fruit or preserves). (Diary as base helps neutralize acid).
    Planning to test out juicing now.
    I have been considering the Master Cleanse again. The first time I tried, I cheated because I was hungry until I gave up (on the 3rd day…hehe)
    With this experience, I was reminded that raw diet is not for me, and, as Melody advises, I should listen to my body. (And my body happens to like meat, dairy, grains, COOKED veggies, and lots of fruit).

  • This post made me realize that I need to do some sort of cleanse. Some research is in order. I’ve been thinking about this for a while actually, I just never bothered to find out any info on it. It also made me realize that I’m going to have to make my journal entries less boring. LOL!

  • Hey Mel,

    Just need a little clarification, before the liver cleanse are you supposed to take the DE AND the bitters or just one to clean out the colon?

    Thanks, really excited to try this!
    Marjorie 😀

  • Hi Melody, thanks for this very interesting and hugely detailed post. I’m interested in doing a detox and I feel attracted towards the 1 week water only fasting you mentioned. I can take off 1 week, but I’m still a bit worried if this could get dangerous if I don’t eat anything at all for 1 week? Probably it’s only my belief system (importance of eating to survive…) that’s playing tricks on me.

  • Melody,

    A totally awesome post lady! I definitely see some cleansing in my near future.

    Have to say the best part of your article was,
    “Note to self: DO NOT answer emails on the toilet. They will know.”

    Kudos on sharing VERY personal stuff. That took huge guts. You go girl! Milestone made.


  • Have done the Master cleanse many times … great and also used DE (Diatomite) for six months every morning because life in South America created parasites (or so I think). But must say that I have always felt that my body wanted more. Will go for the Liver Cleanse … thank you for sharing! 🙂

  • Melody, I love how you integrated all the information you gathered and re-present them in a easy to understand format. And you did it with so much care.
    I love you for that.

    I went for a gentler detox method – the herbal one.

    I normally starts my detox on Friday night and it’s done 2 days later. So on Monday I am good again.

    LOL it’s true they don’t tell you about the stinky poops and the pain of repeated wipes.
    I used to use wet tissues but I have moved on to something else – a toilet warm seat bidet. It makes a big different during the detoxing process
    (another member of my family also has hemorrhoid).

  • Omg I am giggling my asswipes off Melody roflmao I promise I am laughing with you…my first cleanse was similar I literally felt like a human spray can yuck, results are so worth it…each one you do you will feel better and better that energetic feeling becomes addictive…definately a natural high…omfg you went to town on the Epsom salts, I found I didn’t need quite as much salts and that having them in cloudy apple juice tasted slightly very slightly better…only the second flush made me a little ill but I had eaten something chocolate from memory not thinking about it having oil in it, may have been what that was and my timings were off a bit…best of luck for your future cleansing…I have read that a great deal of diseases have been cleared up with the cleanses…my liver enzymes are slowly becoming better each one I do…I also take livatone shots which do seem to be helping…the alkaline diet is a bit scary I was looking into this right before coming here cue “twighlight zone music” thanks so much for sharing this…lots of love to you and your liver

  • Thanks for sharing, that was interesting to read about. I don’t think it’s for me but you never know, it could come in handy one day! The Diatomaceous Earth sounds better (to me personally) if it’s gentler.

  • Thank you -So much for this -really enlightening and super-valuable post. how Stupendous -your (18;30) experience of that tremendous energy you felt! that greatly encourages me -i am printing this out and -by golly- really doing this!! so much value you have provided. this definitely will greatly Enhance any =loa practice,s and energetic feel-goodness- are you kidding..? this is helping so much. bless you !!! luv you!!

  • Thanks for sharing all this info. As I said in my comment to the previous post, I have done this cleanse and I found it very harsh in the explosive pooping sense. Even after fasting and having the suggested colonic before and after. I do think it did a lot of good though. I combined it with a detox the week leading up to the cleanse. But (I do need a good slap to the head!) I worked during that week, and even attended a project management course. It was very difficult!

  • Loved this post. Thanks for sharing. I think I’ll maybe get some Diatomaceous Earth and start on that. And look at the liver cleanse next year. I’ve been having major tummy troubles for a while and keep putting off trying to figure out if it’s a food allergy. Maybe my system needs a good clean before I even begin that journey.

    And like Stacie, I’m curious about the colander / toilet paper situation. How is it best to handle that?

  • Love every bit of it! I’m already having DE, can’t tell the difference but I’m having it. While reading this post, I had spontaneous deep belly laughs and they were just the best ever. You nearly got me killed, Melody! At least you can warn us before an awesome joke? It was too good.LOL

  • Melody, is any of this really necessary? I mean, isn’t giving thanks for a good health and for the great functionality of each organ, enough? I’m currently doing a gratitude practice which includes giving thanks for each sense and organ several times a day. I just started and feel some better already. Can that be enough – the gratitude ?
    This cleansing thing was fun to read, but too complicated. I can’t fast with a full time job that requires a lot of walking and physical effort…
    Love the Mitzi on sheeting pot..lol !

    • I’m curious about this as well. Natural and DIY products for hygiene appeal to me and I have done some oil pulling myself, but I don’t know about all of this lol.

    • CS,

      you touched on a few points
      1. gratitude : it’s an important component but not the whole system. It’s necessary but not enough by itself.

      2. Fasting : Melody chose a hardcore method which clearly doesn’t suit you. It’s hard and fast. Her method will force the gallstones out along with those great bursts.
      Since I didn’t have stone problem, and I can handle raw bitter herbs, I chose the Chinese herbal medicine method instead. It suited me well. It cleanse my organs good, not just the liver. The poopings are less often and less extreme.
      (they still stink to heaven….)

      3. use your own intuition. Listen to your body, it knows.
      Whichever method appeals to you most is probably the right choice. If you are already healthy, you don’t need detox.

      • SK, yes, thank the Universe, I’m healthy and I want to stay this way. If this detox thing could help, I’m open to it, but what about the concept that you can perform miracles just by using your mind?

        For everybody who has read The Secret, there is a case about someone who survived a plane crash but with the diaphragm and spine destroyed. Yet he put in his mind to walk out of the hospital on his own feet, and not long after, he did. The doctors called a miracle. So if he could repair a broken diaphragm , and bones, why could we not detox the liver through the same method – the power of visualising and gratitude? ( not that I have anything against the liver flush suggested, but you know what I mean)
        Also, how is this different from declaring you can eat whatever you want and still slim down , defying the carbs and sugar and everything? I put this in my mind, and decided that I don’t need to diet anymore. Ate all the icream and pizza I wanted in the last 10 days, and my belly looks flatter than before I started. I give thanks for my flat tummy every time I eat, and for the food I enjoy and declare that will spread uniformly in my body and will just come out leaving me light and slim. So if this works, how about detoxing the liver the same way? Just for a challenge ! 🙂

        Melody, what do you think?

        • Hey CS,

          Nope, you don’t need to do any of this. I’m just offering options for people, and if any of it resonates, great. If not, keep looking.

          Of course you can just clean your liver by deciding it’s clean. The problem is, that this doesn’t work for everyone. We have to work within our beliefs, and if they’re too strong, then often a more “physical” path is needed. I’ve been inspired to detox my body. We are physical beings and our bodies are going to reflect our energy. Often, we don’t know why our bodies are reacting the way they do, because it’s not just due to a belief that it will be ill. The illness is caused by a different long standing belief. In that case, we need to figure out what it is and release it bit by bit (at whatever pace is right for the individual). In my case, it has been a life long journey. I’m healing beliefs I picked up from family and my culture and society. Some of these are so nonsensical that they’re hard to find. So, by doing some physical work, I can often trigger the emotional release.

          Also, I keep getting the message that detoxing will help me flow more and more energy. For example, I was told by my guides that I was getting my body ready to handle the immense amount of energy I will be accessing during an upcoming trip to Peru. This is right for me. It may not be right for you. You never NEED to do anything. Do what feels right to you. There is no right way. There’s only ever YOUR way. Follow it, whatever it is. 🙂

          Huge hugs,


          • Hi Melody & CS – I have been wondering about this same thing and something Esther/Abe said in a video I was watching recently really resonated with me. It was a response to someone in the hotseat remarking about what they should or shouldn’t eat–I wish I could remember her/their exact words–but it was something along the lines of “If you refrained from eating what everyone tells you not to eat, you would never eat! It is your own beliefs about what you’re eating that affects you.” It was said in a “SMH” manner with a little laugh, like, “You crazy Earthlings and your diet obsessions!”

            When I was 5 I was diagnosed with far-sightedness and amblyopia (lazy eye) and had to wear glasses with an eye-patch. I was the only kid in my kindergarten who had to wear glasses and the only kid in the whole school who had to wear an eye-patch. I was NOT the outgoing, self-confident type of kid like Sally Brown (Charlie Brown’s little sister in “Peanuts”) who (in an arc in the strip) pretended to be a pirate and had all sorts of fun with having the glasses and eye-patch: http://peanuts.wikia.com/wiki/Security_is_an_Eye_Patch

            I, however, was mortified and embarrassed.

            What does this have to with weight loss, you ask? It’s coming.

            Anyway, I vowed from that early age that I would not need glasses. It took a couple of years, but my amblyopia got cured and my vision improved and by about third grade I did not have to wear glasses anymore. To this day, in late middle age, I am the only one of my contemporaries who does not need glasses and can still read maps and phonebooks and fine print on legal contracts without glasses (not that I use either maps or phonebooks anymore!). I attribute it to a really strong rocket of desire.

            Cut to the present day where I have also been struggling with weight almost my entire adult life. I found Melody’s great blog and spent literally days jumping from one post to another for hours at a time. I was really bummed, though, to read in one of the posts on weight loss that (as she reiterated above) “We have to work within our beliefs, and if they’re too strong, then often a more ‘physical’ path is needed.”

            My wish has always been that eating shouldn’t be so hard or so destructive. But I could never make myself BELIEVE that it didn’t have to be that way. UNTIL I heard that offhand comment from Esther/Abe in the video. Something about the way she/they casually threw it off with that “Oh, you humans, if only you knew” vibe made me start believing it COULD be the case after all, just like I believed I would never need glasses even though the rest of our culture “knows” that as you get older your eyes deteriorate.

            The upshot is that I heard this quote right before Thanksgiving and I decided to test it on Thanksgiving Day. I ate everything I wanted to eat and went back for seconds and ate three kinds of desserts and savored every caloric bite. My family celebrates Thanksgiving twice–once on the actual day and then again two days later on that Saturday. On the Thursday we have it with my husband’s side of the family and on the Saturday we have it with my side of the family. I ate as much as I wanted on that day, too. Then I ate tons of leftovers all this week. So far I have not only gained any weight, I have lost 3 pounds!

            It’s too soon to tell if I have definitely shifted, but I feel like a shift has occurred. We’ll see!

            CS – Keep me posted on your results/progress!

            Melody – Belated thanks for having the best blog I have ever read, and I don’t mean best LoA blog–I mean Best. Blog. Ever. I extol your virtues to one and all and look forward to every post and shared call. Your humor is so resonant with mine I feel like you’re my sister from another mother. Now that you have “come clean” about your weight issues, you seem even more like my sister. So keep rockin’ on with yo bad self! ?

          • Now I see what Kathleen was talking about in the comments in Part 1 where she said “HEY!!! Those questions marks were HEARTS when I hit enter . . .” because that ? at the end of my post was supposed to be a heart! What’s up with that, Melody? I guess I will change it to xx for now!

  • Hey Melodie,

    Absolutely love your writing style, so funny! I think you’re kinda vulnerable in your writings anyway, so not a great departure for me in how I see you. Hope that helps.
    I’m also into LOA/diet and nutrition. Such fascinating information to add to my repertoire. Not tried the actual cleanses as I’m so v. sensitive but am gradually cleaning my system up, and learning so much in the process, so maybe one day will be brave enough, lol! Thanks so much for sharing! Much love xx

  • This post is deeply timely. I listened to my intuition in regards to my health and I purchased all needed for a MC detox on November 10th. I only started on the 1st, so everything you’ve typed is perfect timing for me. I did this cleanse for 21 days before and it was unreal. So now doing it again. ONLY this time, I’m looking forward to researching and trying some of the other body purifers. I love you post b/c it has allowed me to see that we all need to internally clean our insides as we do our outsides. In some way.. I relate my detox to LOA.

    Thanks for sharing! God bless!

  • Thank you for great info and good laughs, Melody! I’ve never enjoyed a reading about poop more! By the way, how did you resolve the the toilet paper/ colander conundrum?

    Liver cleanse, here I come…after my shooter is sparkling clean, of course.

  • Hahahaha, loved this post!!!

    This is definitely something I want to try someday, but right now it’s a bit hardcore for me. I do keep meaning to start oil pulling, but I find it inconvenient that you aren’t even supposed to drink water one hour beforehand – I’m always drinking water!

    I’m all about incorporating one healthy routine into my life at a time, because in the past I’ve been known to get really overzealous, deciding on 110 things I’m going to start doing to get healthy, and it ends up with me getting burnout and/or being disappointed in myself for not being able to live up to my high expectations. So for the past few days, my one new thing has been drinking raw apple cider vinegar with cayenne pepper, twice a day. The endorphin rush from cayenne is good 😀

    The only type of cleanse that I have ever done was about 7 years ago when I decided to do a three-day juice fast. All was going well, until on the last day when I decided to eat again. I knew that you were supposed to start with a light and healthy food, like a soup or something. But I had this intense craving for greasy fried chicken and chips. So I went with it. BAD idea. I think I undid all the good I had achieved with the fast, and my stomach hurt like a bitch!

    • Hey Karin,

      I’ve not heard that you can’t drink water. In fact, I read that you have to drink a lot of water, since it increases the amount of saliva you produce. I drink water all the time, before pulling, after pulling (it makes me thirsty), and have not had any issues. You can do it while you’re in the shower, so you won’t need any extra time. 🙂

      Huge hugs,


  • Congratulations on doing the liver cleanse. We’ve tried several over the years but found the Morritz one by far the best and gentlest – relatively speaking… Separate loos are definitely a must, as is a quiet day afterwards but it’s well worth it!! Your posts are great and, hey, what’s wrong with doing something different? I bet loads of people will be trying it after Thanksgiving / Christmas! Keep up the great work!

  • Melody, this is so awesome; thank you so much for all this valuable information. I had done oil pulling for years and felt fantastic, and then for some unknown reason, stopped. I just remembered about it the other day, and started again. I highly recommend this practice. I don’t know why this happens, and I don’t care, but I have asthma and the oil pulling seems to pull mucous out of every part of my body. I cough up and spit out what feels like gallons sometimes, and then I can breathe so deeply and freely.
    I’m going out to get Diatomaceous Earth today! I’ve wanted to try it but never knew anyone who could explain it to me. Thank you so much! You said it takes about 2 months to clean out the poop shooter (love it!), so should the liver cleanse wait until then?
    These posts have come at just the right time for me. Sometimes we think we’re loving ourselves when we’re still putting ourselves behind other “responsibilities.” This is such a wonderful reminder for when we’re looking at ourselves in the mirror and asking “How can I love you more?” Who knew pooping stones could be a thing of such great beauty?

    • Hey there Judy,

      It’s impossible for me to tell you if you should wait. It all depends on how clogged up the old poop shooter is. Use your intuition, and get the book on liver cleansing, if you can. That will go into a lot more detail and is written by someone who’s guided thousands of people though it.

      Good luck with your journey!!



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