Awesome Nicole’s Burning Question: “I have read your blog post about how to get over a break up, as well as other posts on this site relating to the topic and from what I understand, it is okay and even expected for people to rotate in and out of our reality. This doesn’t mean they are a jerk or an asshole or whatever else you can think of – they just simply rotated out.

However, given the track record of my ex in his past 6 relationships (find, inflate, drop) I’m starting to wonder if he is actually, to a degree, some type of sociopath and not enlightened like I initially suspected.

Initially in my mind I was giving him a lot of credit post break-up. “Wow, he really has LOA down and doesn’t even realize it. He decided to leave without really knowing why, and immediately started looking for other people and opportunities with little to no remorse or grieving. This guy is enlightened!”

I understand it is healthy to find a mate and feel intensely attracted to them, as well as rotate out once we are no longer a vibrational match. BUT – where is the line?

Are Sociopaths, or variations thereof, simply very enlightened people that can detach emotion and let people “rotate out of their reality” easily, or are they actually just nut jobs that we attract into our lives because of our negative beliefs?”

Dear Awesome Nicole,

I LOVE this question!! LOA critics everywhere are spinning in their graves. This is another layer of the whole “Does LOA teach us to be delusional?” debate (Hint: No). If we truly make peace with the fact that people can and will at times just gravitate out of our experience, does that turn us into detached sociopaths?

This is kind of a tricky one. I mean, if LOA does turn us into nut jobs, then I may well be a total whacko by now. And if that’s the case, then I may simply be lulling you into a false sense of security before ensnaring you in my evil, diabolical plan to, um, give you smooshy hugs and chocolate. Wait… no… WAY more diabolical, Melody. Um, I will hug you suggestively while making weird, guttural noises, causing you to feel increasingly uncomfortable. And then I shall force you to eat cheap chocolate, the kind that turns white after a while and kind of ruins Easter candy for you forever, while I eat really, really good chocolate right in front of you! Mwahahahahaha! Ok, if I’m a sociopath, I’m not very good at it.  I can do snarky; I can’t do evil.

No, LOA doesn’t turn you into a sociopath. Let’s take a look at why:

What is a sociopath?

From a vibrational perspective, a sociopath is someone who feels powerless to such a degree, that they’ve basically completely and totally detached from their conscious connection to Who They Really Are, their own emotions and other people. There is a deep seeded rage within them, one that will manifest either as explosions of often unimaginable (to the rest of us) violence, or more diffused acts of manipulation. In either case, these acts are designed to empower the individual. Because they have so completely disconnected, they often don’t even see other people or animals as real beings, but more as things or objects, put there as either obstacles that are in their way, or playthings to be exploited. This detachment, by the way, is always present and necessary in the event of torture and violence. You cannot hurt someone whom you identify with.

Now, not all sociopaths are violent; there are different degrees to this state, but depending on the amount of detachment, the capacity is often there if the individual feels trapped or cornered (that doesn’t mean they actually are, they merely need to perceive themselves to be).

Sociopaths in love

Psychologists would say that a sociopath is incapable of love. I disagree. No one is incapable of love (we are love), but these individuals are so detached from themselves, that they cannot access that emotion. So, for all intents and purposes, you probably shouldn’t date one, as a rule.

How does this detachment differ from what LOA teaches in terms of allowing people to gravitate in and out of your life?

The main difference is in the presence and awareness of emotions. The sociopath cannot access his emotions. Sure, rage may squirt out now and again, but the rest of time, he’s going to be totally numb (NOT to be confused with the Void! Sociopaths aren’t just sort of numb, they don’t even know what emotions feel like). The charm he exhibits will be learned behavior, a mask he has trained himself to wear, as he’s observed that others will react well to it. When a sociopath gets out of a relationship, he moves on quickly. Since he can’t feel his emotions, he basically just forgets about the relationship and any impact it could’ve potentially had on him.

LOAers in love

When an enlightened person, as you put it, gets out of a relationship, this looks very different. They will be appreciative and grateful for the gifts this person brought into their life. They will understand that no matter how it ended, that they are now better off for having been in that relationship. They will understand the lessons they learned, the experiences they had, and the insights they received. They will know of the value of that relationship. They will not forget about this person, but will, in fact, often continue to love them unconditionally, knowing that just because a romantic relationship has ended, that the soul connection (that connects us all) has not. They will take what they learned about themselves in this relationship and actively apply it to the next one, looking for the growth, the evolution, the “better and better and better”.

This is not the numbing kind of detachment of the sociopath. It’s simply an allowing, an acceptance, a letting go of the need to control, to hang on, to limit. We can get everything we want, we just can’t determine that it must come from a specific person. A sociopath doesn’t truly believe that he can get what he wants, so he will try to eke out whatever he can get, wherever he can get it. Sure, he doesn’t make you responsible for giving him what he wants – he will move on quickly if you don’t meet his needs, but not because he’s focused on his desire. He’s focused on survival, pure and simple. The energy of enlightenment is integrative, creative, inclusive. The energy of a sociopath is segregated, destructive, and exclusionary. He sees himself as completely alone, not connected to anything or anyone, and cannot allow himself to connect, as that would bring up all his pain. So, he remains numb.

Dating a sociopath

My advice on this one would be: don’t. Although, as you discovered, it can be a little hard to tell, at first. They can be very, very charming. Only, there’s this one little (not so little) thing to consider: When you meet a sociopath, your intuition will warn you. Something will definitely feel off. The more practiced you are at listening to your intuition, the louder that voice will be.

If you found yourself attracted to an individual like this, it’s most likely, on a very basic level, because you don’t listen to your inner voice, and you let your mind override your emotions. Your feeling may have been “Hmmm, something’s weird about this guy”, while your mind was all like “Oooh, sexy dude! And he’s paying attention to me! I feel special!”

There are any number of reasons that you might do this: low self-esteem or self-worth, negative expectations about men or relationships, just to name a couple. But at its core, the reason you manifested someone like this, is that it reflected something inside you. A belief you have about yourself. The specific belief can be determined by how this entire episode feels to you. And I promise you, a lot of this will come down to you not trusting your own inner judgment. Figure out why you didn’t, and you’ll never have to deal with this kind of relationship again.

Bottom line

A sociopath has no access to his feelings. LOA teaches us to be MORE in touch with our emotions, to honor them, step into them and learn from them. So, LOA doesn’t just NOT turn you into a sociopath, it actually leads to the exact opposite state.

So, fear not. You can LOA till the cows come home, you will not suddenly get the urge to kill kittens. Now, may I interest you in some of this suspicious looking chocolate while I make you physically uncomfortable with my inappropriate closeness?