Awesome Leigh’s Burning Question: “One topic I’d love to see covered is: How LOA can help either overcome feelings of loneliness and/or attract positive new friends. I think loneliness is becoming an epidemic these days, and I find it a hard thing to deal with, very hard and sometimes very painful.  I’ve been on disability for almost 10 years for major depression; and haven’t exactly been going out to meet new people, but even when I did I found it very hard to meet people on the same wavelength. Any ideas on this topic?”

Here’s your video answer, Awesome Leigh

Watch the Video directly on Youtube:

For the “readers” amongst you:

First of all, you have to remember that you can’t manifest that to which you’re not a vibrational match. If you want to meet friends so that you can feel better, you’re going to be waiting for a long time. You have to already feel the way you’d feel if you had a great social life, since your manifestation is only ever a reflection of your current vibration.

Now, I know. You’re sitting there on the coach, lonely and depressed. How the hell are you supposed to get into the feeling of having an active social life from that place? Let me give you some tips:

Define your friends

Figure out what kinds of people you actually want to hang out with. This is a step that so many people skip. You may be assuming that you have to change who you fundamentally are in order to fit in with some other crowd. That’s never a good idea. You are uniquely you, and you’re absolutely great, just the way you are, even if right now you’re in kind of a depressed state and you’re not a Happy Shiny Puppy. Who cares? If you’d rather gouge your eyes out with a melon baller than go to some loud, pumping club, then don’t do that. Don’t hang out with people who really want to do that. Real friendship isn’t about compromising, with half the people in the group doing something they don’t really want to do in order to please the other half. If you’d much rather enjoy sitting at home, having a nice quiet evening in, with excellent one-on-one conversation, there’s someone out there who would LOVE to be your friend and do exactly that.

So the idea is this: figure out what YOU want from a friendship, what’s going to please you, and then attract someone who has the same views. Don’t try to fit in with people with whom you don’t resonate. You’re going to meet a lot of people who are just going to try and cheer you up all the time, which is really, really annoying when you’re depressed. I’m not saying that you should just hang around with other depressed people who are going to keep you stuck in that state. But how about focusing on someone who’s just like you? Someone who understands depression but is really determined to pull themselves out of it, someone who gets you and will fight your demons with you when you’re having a bad day. You can support each other. You want to hang out with people who are just like you – not depressed, but depressed and working on it.

Become the person you want to be

As you figure out what you really want to do, go do that stuff. Start getting comfortable doing those activities. Why would you sit at home waiting for someone to come and make you feel better when you know that this just keeps you from manifesting what you want? Remember that you have to become a vibrational match to what you want; you have to feel the way you would feel if you already had what you want. A good way to do that is to engage in some of the activities that you’d do if you already had a friend.

So, if your vision includes going to a café with your friends to people watch, then go do that. Yes, by yourself. Take a book, read and people watch to your heart’s content. If you’d like to go for a walk, go for a walk and enjoy the scenery. Because if you’re telling the Universe that you need to have friends before you can feel good, you’re never going to meet them. But if you go out there and start to enjoy and appreciate your life, then you’re going to become a vibrational match to having friends.

Another really blunt way to say that is, if you can’t stand your own company then how can you ever expect anyone else to?

Stop being afraid of people

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Go out there by myself, where other people are? That’s scary!” I know it is. But here’s something you should know: You’re walking around thinking that you’re the only one with problems and everyone else has it all figured out. Let me give you a little secret. Everyone else is just as messed up as you are. We all have our issues and insecurities. I promise you that all the people that you think are staring at you and judging you are all worried about what you think of them.

We’re all scared of each other, which is why, as you pointed out, loneliness is becoming an epidemic. And it’s all so unnecessary. When we stop being afraid of each other and reach out to one another, close authentic relationships can form quickly. So, if you want to have friends, become a friend. Reach out to others; put yourself in situations that you would be in if you already had those friends. Start to enjoy your life.

And I’m not here to tell to you to “just cheer up”. I know how annoying that is when you’re depressed. But take a step in that direction. Become a vibrational match to the friends you actually want, not those that others think you should have. And once you’re there, your new friends will show up. They have to. It’s the law. 🙂

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  • That’s good feedback, Melody. Acting as if – I don’t really like terms, but I concede on that point – is really powerful and something I’ve found is really powerful.

    Yannow, once I was sitting in the coffee shop writing on my book and then SUDDENLY! an old, bearded guy walked up to me and asked if I was witing love letters with my boyfriend. It was a joke, but being bad with witty remarks as I am, I answered simply that I was writing my book. He got interested and I learned he was the journalist of a big paper here in Norway. So that’s also nice.

    In sumaris: much wisdom, so agree, such insight, very helpful, wow

  • I love this post i think its something that makes sense but i would have never thought of it!!
    I too had an experience with attracting friends but in a bit of a different way. I love traveling on my own, i think its an amazing experience, however, it can sometimes get lonely depending on where and how you are traveling. I experienced this in Europe where i was moving from place to place every 2 days, so i didnt make to many connections. When i got back to the states i still really wanted to travel but its so difficult to match up vacations with friends and make sure everyone has a great time. So i decided to go to hawaii by myself.
    Now for me, traveling in Europe alone wasnt weird and many people were excited for me but i felt like traveling to somewhere within the US was a bit strange. So i used the tool of prepaving. I love this tool because there is not much resistance when you have no idea what the future experience will be like.
    So i prepaved and thought of a wonderful group of friends i would meet and about staying at a really awesome hostel where meeting people is easy and wonderful and i thought of different made up stories and was overall very positive. While i was flying on the plane i was really feeling great and high vibrations. It took a while to make it to the hostel and i was there about mid day. A group of people past by me right as i was heading to my room and i followed them. They apparently were my ‘roommates’ and i wasnt even able to set my luggage down before i was invited to hang out with them. I ended up hanging out with them the rest of the trip and i know that it was direct influence of me prepaving postive things. I didnt allow myself to think that i wouldnt make friends. I think prepaving would also be a great tool to use as well as your actions to get out and do the things you want! thanks for the post melody!!

  • When I started with this site, I was wondering how the heck will my vibration ever change?!?! In a short time, its starting to change and now I understand better what that means. This post I felt another movement forward. I’m getting it. I am seriously starting to get it. And it feels terrific.

  • Last post was about masturbation and this one is about being alone.
    I like where this is heading.
    I want the next post about why people watch porn, and whether it is beneficial.

    about this post.
    Solitude is being comfortable when you are alone.
    loneliness is being uncomfortable when you are alone.

    the first one is about focusing on what you want.
    the second is about focusing on what you don’t want.

  • I appreciate your total honesty, and agree with your message 100%.
    We are ALL “messed up” in our own heads! And, we are ALL “too isolated” nowadays!
    Yup. It’s true.

    So, THANK YOU for spelling out R E A L I T Y here. You rock!
    Shiny puppy hugs (no “happy” involved for this one) 😉

  • Its true if you dont want to be lonely and want to meet people then you have to get yourself out of the home. No one is going to come and knock on your door and ask you out. I have found that taking action and meeting people can be difficult and frightening to do but when yoiu do ‘it’ the next time is not so hard.

  • It is unbelievable how this post ,exactly like many others came right on time. Usually, the posts I need most come when I start suspecting that things are the way they are and your posts,Melody, come right in to confirm that. And yes, like it has been mentioned here, knowing and admitting what we really want is the key,always.

  • Hi Melody, I am the “Leigh” that originally wrote in with the loneliness problem. Wow, what an awesome talk you gave, so succinct and to-the-point, with lots of great ideas
    that I totally want to try!!!! I really loved your first sentence too, that one can’t attract
    anything that we are not a vibrational match to–how perfect, and how true that is.
    I know that alot of people are having this exact same problem, and even judging from the comments I see above, you have greatly helped and inspired a number of people with this most painful of emotions. I have an extensive background in psychology;
    both in being in therapy and learning about anything in that field, and also majored in
    psych. in college and you are very good in that area as well as the LOA. I feel so happy
    that you addressed my problem and so helpfully too; you have totally inspired me! Now
    I also want to look into “raising my vibration”, which I’m sure you’re written about before, I’m going to look into your archives :-)) Thanks so very much, it’s much
    Hugs and blessings,

  • Wow Melody, this totally blew my mind!

    This has made me realize that so often I focus on “what should I want” rather than “what do I want”

    I’ll think “oh people at this club are happy, I want to be happy with them” When really what I want is to be in a completely different environment with much better vibes!

    Or I’ll think “I should feel good about these nice expensive things” When really, those things aren’t my style anyway.

    Thanks Melody, I’m starting to re-focus now. What do I really want? What just feels good? I’ve got to throw away all of my pre-conceived notions of what is good according to LOA and just enjoy letting my imagination go where it wants.


  • Wow, this one really resonates with me. I was quite depressed a few years ago, and was having trouble letting it go. I happened to attend a presentation about a program to help people move out of poverty by changing their mindset. I was not impoverished enough to be a participant, but the idea captivated me, so I signed on as a volunteer.

    At the time, I could not stand the company of my cheerful middle class friends. I was depressed and ashamed. I wanted to be around people who had problems, and were working on getting over them. I “defined my friends,” just as Melody suggests. The weekly meetings were great; there was no sense of judgment or inadequacy. Everybody was in the same boat in a sea of troubles, and we all wanted to paddle over to the other shore. As I got better, I relinquished my volunteer position, but I still keep in touch with some of the people from the program. It’s been fun to experience how all of our lives have improved.

  • Thanks for this post! So true (as always)! I was feeling depressed and lonely myself. I am not really one to go out and meet new people so I thought I should try to reach out to some old friends. I started running into old friends while running errands over the past few years and they offered me their phone numbers. Needless to say i never followed up with anyone so i have only myself to blame for isolating myself. Well most recently I was missing a dear dance partner of mine that I lost touch with when I quit dancing to focus on other things. At my part time job a fellow dancer stopped in and told me our friend wasn’t doing well. So I called her and found out she had become physically ill recently and had isolated herself from her friends as well. I guess we are a match to rekindling our friendship because we made plans to get together. So I just wanted to say, if you are having trouble meeting new friends, try to reach out to old friends, and if you cant get out of the house, there’s nothing wrong with using Facebook or or something along those lines to reconnect with old friends.

  • This is so funny. Exactly last night I was crying and almost screaming while lying in my bed because of the pain the loneliness brought into my life and simple inability to see the way it all can be changed. And I asked the Universe to give me at least a tiny dammit sign that she is listening to me and which direction I should move to. And now I checked my mail and saw a newsletter from you blog. Ta-dam! I was heard 🙂

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