Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “How does LOA work when it comes to how others perceive us? For example, if I think I am the most hilarious person ever and constantly crack stupid jokes, will others think I’m hilarious just because I think I’m hilarious? And say the people who everyone loves? Why does everyone love them and want to be around them? Is it because they love themselves so much? Because sometimes you encounter people who don’t seem that nice but everyone seems to love. But if I don’t think they’re that nice, why do a majority of other people LOVE them?”
Dear Awesome Dudette,
Here’s your video answer.
View the video directly on Youtube: http://youtu.be/5QQJlNvvtIA
For the “Readers” (you know who you are), here’s the transcript:
Ok, first of all, remember that you can’t know what anyone else is perceiving. You can only perceive your perception of their perception. Ha. That’s right people, we’re going further down the rabbit hole today.
You have to remember that you’re in the center of your own holographic Universe. Everything that you perceive is only there because it’s a reflection of your energy.
Now, a lot of people get themselves into trouble with this concept of perception, because they assume that 1.) they can see EVERYTHING there is to see (arrogant much?), and 2.) they actually know what other people are perceiving. But you can’t do either. Your value as a human here on Earth is your perception – your unique perspective that no one else can have. We each offer a completely unique perspective that no other human or entity in this world can offer in precisely the same way. If that wasn’t the case, then we wouldn’t need any of us. We would just have some guy named Bob sitting here by himself… observing.
But that’s not the case! We each bring our unique perspective and perception to the table. But in order to do that, we can’t also at the same time share someone else’s perception. In other words, you can only be in your own head; you can’t be in anyone else’s. How they might be perceiving something is completely irrelevant. The only thing that’s relevant is: how are YOU perceiving what they are perceiving?
I’ll explain further. Let’s say that you actually do think that you’re really funny. You go out and crack a bunch of jokes, and you attract a bunch of people that mirror back to you how you feel about yourself. In this case, they’re not validating that you’re funny; they’re mirroring back to you the fact that you genuinely feel good about yourself. So, you’re going to be in a vibration where you also attract people who think that you’re funny. This doesn’t mean that EVERYONE in the world thinks that you’re funny. But you don’t need everyone in the world to think that. Nor would you even be able to perceive everyone in the world. You can only ever perceive that which you’re a vibrational match to. And the way in which you experience that shows you where your energy is at, or essentially, how you’re feeling about yourself.
So, let’s say that you’re perceiving (from the outside, where you really don’t know what’s going on) a person who seems to have the adoration of many. Now, let’s say that they really do have the adoration of many and they’re experiencing that in a really positive way. That means that what’s being mirrored back to them is that they feel truly good about themselves. It’s not that everyone loves them because of it, it’s that they’re attracting people into their reality who are mirroring back how they feel about themselves.
If you, however, are looking at that from the outside, saying “I don’t get it. What do they see that I don’t see?”, then you’re sort of missing the point. What do they see that you don’t see? A lot! Because they have a different perspective than you do.
Why you don’t need them to like you
The problem arises when you start to look at what other people are looking at and you assume that, for some brain dead reason, you have to share their perspective.
When you see someone that you don’t really like and you see others liking them, nothing has gone wrong. All that means is that you, personally, don’t resonate with that person. It doesn’t mean that they’re bad. You see, you’re whole question kind of hinges on the idea that we should all share the same perspective and opinion, and that only one opinion is right.
So, either I’m right when I like something, or you’re right when you don’t like it. We haven’t yet really figured out that we can both be right. I can like something and you can not like it and that can be ok for both of us. I don’t need you to like it in order to give me permission to like it. Taking that a step further, I don’t need you to like me so that I can feel good about myself. And you don’t need me to like you so that you can feel good about yourself, because the second that you do need that, the Universe is going to mirror that back to you. Which means that people who trigger that within you, people who aren’t very nice to you, are going to come into your reality to show you that you’re insecure about yourself and that you’re asking others to provide you with the validation that you’re not willing to give yourself. But remember, that’s a losing game. Because they can only ever mirror back to you what your vibration is saying. So, you’re essentially walking up to the mirror, asking it to reflect something other than what you’re showing it. That’s never going to work.
Even though you can’t ever know what others are perceiving, it’s entirely irrelevant. The relevant thing is, what are YOU perceiving and how do you feel about it? What is your reality mirroring back to you?
So, if you want to get more people to like you? Don’t need them to like you. If you do like yourself first, does that mean that EVERYBODY will like you? No. Not everyone will resonate with you, or be in the same vibrational vicinity as you. In fact, those who are far away from your vibration will actually actively dislike you if they come across you. But that experience of disliking you will be a manifestation for them.
If you truly get stable in a vibration of self-love, you will no longer attract the people who do not resonate with you, who will not like you, into your experience. Which means that, yes, there will be people out there who don’t like you, but you won’t ever hear about it; you won’t know about it; it won’t affect you in any way. And even if you did hear about them, you wouldn’t care. Because you realize that everyone gets to have their own opinion, their own perspective, and not everyone needs to love you! It’s ok for you to find those people who do, the people who have always loved you, and allow your reality to show them to you. You don’t need everybody to get on board with the same opinion, in any case.
If you’re having trouble letting go of what others think…
For those of you who are having a really hard time with this idea of not really giving a crap what people think, and changing how you feel about yourself in order to attract a different experience, let me ask you this:
If you’ve been following the “old world” thinking of trying to conform so that others will approve of you, and needing them to approve of you so that you can approve of yourself, and if you’ve grown up on this Earth, you almost certainly have, how’s that been going for you? Are you feeling good with that approach? Does everyone love you? Have they dedicated a statue in your name? Are they naming their children after you?
It’s time to change our approach of how we fit into this universe, of how we fit into this world, and how we relate to each other. It’s ok to want other people to like you and it’s ok to enjoy it when they do. But don’t need them to in order to feel good about yourself. When you free yourself from that shackle, and you allow yourself to feel good no matter what they think, then you’ll attract only those into your reality that will mirror that back to you. In other words, those who will like you. Those are the people who always liked you, who would’ve liked you no matter what. It’s just that you were not able to see them. So you didn’t MAKE them like you, you simply filtered out all the people who don’t, and filtered in all the people who already do, instead of the opposite.
Excellent post! This is somewhat of the problem I am having. I often ask myself, “Why do I constantly attract these “people” into my life who turn out to either be jealous of me, try to use me or that just don’t like me because I’m different (unique)?” Just last night I had a dream that I was being my normal, perky, upbeat self in a souvenir store and I cracked a joke with the sales lady. After doing so, she laughed and so did some other customers. As a result of that, I had drawn the unwanted attention of two very bad men who tried to hold me hostage in the store. I immediately started praying in the dream with authority that I not panic and that God resolve the problem. I woke up realizing that in the dream, I had drawn attention (both positive and negative) to myself by simply “being myself”. Then the big question came, “How do I avoid doing this while being true to who I am at the same time?” This is my current struggle. How do I?
I watched your Podcast about the Laws of Attraction and found our lives to be very similar. I am 30 years old, left home early, and for the past 12 years have made it through life “by the seat of my pants” is what I used to call it, people would always wonder why everything just worked out for me somehow. I also own an internet business, work from home, and have the means to travel and be happy. I lived in Barcelona last year 🙂 I found you through a weird series of events..Quantum Mechanics -> Entanglement -> Vibrational Beings -> The Frequency of Love.
I just watched “How to Activate your Super-Conscious Mind” and realized that this is how my life works, it’s almost like I came into the Law of Attraction at an advanced level because I already believe in myself so much with so little effort.
Anyway, I’m not sure if you manifested me here to tell you to explore the congruences between your work and Quantum Mechanics or if I manifested myself here to ask you for a recommendation on a shaman in Peru… Either way, very glad I found your work, and if you need website work or graphic work done for free, please do not hesitate.
Letting go of what others think is not what’s taught in school really, unfortunately. There we are told to consider the others’ perception of us, to be “sensitive”. Anything else is derided as self-centered, egotistic etc. No wonder we’re sending out on the “wrong frequency” to the universe and put the cart before the horse.
Hi Melody. Another comment. I just LOVE the caption of the picture at the beginning of the post. “Your happiness is not a democracy. You’re the only one who gets a vote.” So completely true and it makes me happy to read it and laugh!
Well my initial reaction when I read the title of this post was YEAH!!!! 🙂
I don’t know about people in general though. I don’t really care about them, but I have noticed that family and people close to me respond to me differently. Like my mom, for instance, used to down play pretty much every idea I ever had. She would always come back with the “be realistic” saying or “that sounds too good to be true” or *insert some limiting saying here* (Whatever it is, I’m sure she’s said it at some point lol) but now she seems a lot more open about my ideas – either that or she is just keeping her opinion to herself, which isn’t normal for her either. LOL! Either way, it’s odd, but I like it. 🙂
Hey, Summerr! I clicked on your link and it led me to your site/blog and I love it! Just read two posts and I’m hooked, LOL! 😉 Thank you!
Oh cool! YAY! 🙂
Thank YOU for stopping by. 🙂
Just a few days back I have posted a question for Melody about social anxiety. The advice in this post seems quite relevant to that issue as well.
Social anxiety disorder (and I am talking about the severe form of it when you are almost always very nervous, anxious and fearful to be in any kind of ‘social situations’ and try to avoid them at any cost) is extreme fear or anxiety about ‘what others are thinking about me’. And therefore, learning to let go of that need for others to like me or judge me favorably in order for me to feel good or confident about myself, seems to be at the core of that issue.
I would certainly love to have Melody’s perspective specifically on social anxiety disorder though.
Thank you for this wonderful post.
I agree! A social anxiety post would be awesome. Since I have learned about LOA, 8 months ago, it really has helped me shaved A TON of anxiety off in social situations. I’m so much more at ease. However there is more improvement that could definitely be done. My main issue is not really knowing what to talk about to people. Its not really as simple as just visualizing being outgoing and having things to say like some other blogs say to do.
Man, that coaching call was awesome. My limbs actually started tingling while listening to parts of it (focusing on feeling good etc.) wtf is that all about? Lol. Thank you for sharing.
thanks for the post and the reminder.
Great message and delivery, as usual, Melody! It can be hard to remember that we see the world from our own individual perspective and that everyone else does as well. And that this is not only perfectly okay, it is the way all that is means it to be. Thanks for the reminder.
This was such a great post, and brought up so many interesting things. Not only from an LOA perspective, but the more general issue of handling issues with other people in our own little personal development journey. While on an emotional level, there is still that part of me that wants everyone to like me, the pull is not as strong. Working more with LOA, I have definitely noticed many instances where it seems to affect my dealings with people or the type of people I come into contact with. You’re the best!
Great post as always!
Just wondering, does Melody or anyone else have any advice or tips on how to get from caring what other people think to not giving a crap about what other people think and loving yourself anyway?
I’ve always known that this was a key component to a joyful life, and I have had glimpses of it here and there. However, no matter how good my vibrational work gets (I can raise my vibration via meditation and the vibrational ladder pretty quickly these days), however the one thing that is sure to knock me off of my perch is when another person comments on or judges me. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, this will come from someone I really care about trying to ‘help’ in some way, occassionaly it will come from someone just being rude. Either way, I need to learn how not to let it in.
Comments/suggestions appreciated. I’m sure that there are others out there who feel the same!
I have had difficulty with this my whole life until recently. I did some inner child work [Melody has great examples for this in some of her coaching calls]. Really getting into the process of loving my insecure inner child turned that around. Now I don’t feel shaken when people challenge me, or make rude comments.
Mostly it doesn’t happen, but I had the experience last week of some students I was teaching [adults] who were basically telling me I was wrong. I stepped outside myself for a second and realized I wasn’t upset at all. I took one particularly annoying guy and calmly asked him to support his position. I really wanted to know if I was indeed wrong about what I was saying. So, I [politely] told him to “put up or shut up”. It was a win-win for me- either he was right and I improved my lecture or I was right and he shut up. As it turned out, he couldn’t justify his position. So he shut up. So did everyone else after that.
It was funny to me that I wasn’t in the slightest bit upset even though I had been called out publicly as being wrong [the fact that I wasn’t is irrelevant]. In the past, I would have been both anxious and angry. But now, I know I am fine, no matter what anyone says or does. It was really nice to be so calm, I handled it so much better. In the past I would have been flustered and tried to explain my position. I found it so much more productive to make him explain his position.
That was a really long winded discussion about the advantages of healing your inner child. But I think for me, it was a good example of how much more resilient I am when faced with criticism now. I think old pains keep you from fully experiencing all LOA has to offer us. We need to heal ourselves first.
Thanks so much for your response. I loved your story, and I know exactly what you mean by people challenging you and your reaction. Your ‘old’ reaction is where I am at now. I’m trying to imagine the feeling of being so calm in such a situation, so I guess that’s one step. I’ll definitely find that coaching call and have a listen. It’s something I’m really looking forward to working on!
Thanks again 🙂
I, too, was grappling with this topic. The calls with Melody help tremendously. Not only does your vibration rise, but the tips she gives are awesome.
Laurel gave a great example.
Also, I found that when I person judges or criticizes you, it is really a situation in which they are voicing their views, insecurities, fears and issues. When I was criticized, I found that the person was spewing their fears onto me and, most of the time, the thing they were talking about was off topic. Not only that, those things they told me I had to fear never came to be, so it was their bs.