Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question: “I have been manically re-reading your blog posts and I am really struggling with something. In the post Does The Universe Give Us What We Want Or What’s Best For Us? and also on one of the coaching calls (I think #93) you talk about the way the thing we think we want is actually the HOW and that this is the universe’s job, not ours. I am confused.
Let’s say I really like a metallic blue Honda CR-V. Every time I see one my heart skips a beat. I just love it. Now, I don’t know much about cars and, frankly, a car may not even be the best thing for me right now. So the universe brings me the thing that is what I ‘really want’ – comfort, safety, good economy, etc. – it brings me a white Volvo. I like the Volvo, it is a good car, it is reliable, it goes well. But it is not the thing that made my heart sing. So what I don’t understand is: if the physical thing is the how, and the universe is going to bring us what is best for us rather than what we want, how is that deliberate? If we can only ‘specify’ general things, like feelings, then we are not the powerful creators of our world, we are just like kids whose mother is actually pretty good at knowing what they really want and need and giving them that. I get that the universe is not hampered by being human, like our mothers are. But if the universe is deciding for me then I am still at the mercy of someone else making the decisions for me.”
Dear Awesome Dudette,
I’m glad I get the chance to clarify this bit, it’s something so many people struggle with. It’s totally worth repeating. Over and over and over again. Ha.
Ok, so the whole point of that post was that the Universe is NOT your momma. It will NOT give you what it thinks is best for you. It will always bring you what you want, providing you’re aligned with it. If you’re not aligned with it, it will bring you whatever is closest to what you want that you will allow. Notice the stuff in italics. That’s the important bit that your question is missing.
Why did you get a Volvo?
Let’s take a look at the perfect scenario. What if you had been totally aligned with what you wanted? How would the Honda/Volvo scenario have turned out?
The Honda was a representation of what you wanted, something you could focus on that would elicit delicious feelings from you. You recognized that the manifestation that truly matches what you want might not be a Honda and you’re ok with that. You just want it to feel the way the Honda makes you feel. If there’s a car out there (or an experience) that feels even MORE like that, you’re good with that. And, given your alignment, that’s exactly what would’ve manifested – that Honda or something even better. And you would’ve recognized it as a stellar manifestation and much happy dancing would’ve ensued.
But that’s not what happened. You got a Volvo instead. Nice, secure, a match to much of what you wanted, but it doesn’t make your heart sing. Did the Universe step in and say “a Volvo is better for you. No Honda for you!” No!
The Volvo showed up as a representation of what you were a match to right now, not as a full representation of what you want. It’s as close to what you want as you’ll allow right now, that’s all. Getting a Volvo instead of a Honda doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have what you want, it simply means you still have a bit of vibrational tweaking to do. So, how do you do that?
Your manifestation is a reflection
Well, first of all, stop shitting all over the Volvo. I know you don’t think you are, but you totally are. This is not your one and only manifestation, the last one you’ll ever get in your life, so take it or leave it. This is part of a never ending progression, with you tweaking and fine tuning your vibration as you go, as well as discovering new desires along the way. Why does everything have to be so damn dramatic? “Oh Gawd!” you wail (the proverbial you, not you specifically, although kind of also you specifically), “why, oh why didn’t the Universe give me what I wanted? This one manifestation must mean that I don’t get to have what I want. It’s never what I want! I suck! The world sucks! The Universe sucks! Waaaaaaaa!”
So, after years and years of being trained out of your natural ability to receive your reality easily and joyfully, do you really think that you’re going to be a master at it instantly? What kind of standard are you holding yourself to, anyway? And I know, you think you’ve been at this for years, but consider much of that time as having gone towards “deprogramming” instead of deliberately applying LOA principles. It took you a while to get to the point where you were able to remember what you’re truly capable of.
Look at the manifestation at hand, the Volvo in this case, and determine what it’s mirroring back to you. Look at what you like about it – this is the good stuff that you are now a match to, and which you no longer need to worry about tweaking. You are a match to a reliable, well running, safe and secure car. Bravo! It’s well worth acknowledging that this is progress and celebrating it. This is not the same as resigning yourself to the fact that you can’t do any better.
Now, look at what the Volvo manifestation has not yet provided, and that’s the stuff you still need to tweak. You’re not a match to those items on your list yet. It doesn’t make your heart sing. Well, then you’re not yet quite a match to the experience of a singing heart. Why not? The simple answer is: your heart has not been singing. You see, if you’re asking for a car to come in and make your heart sing, you’re going to be waiting a long time. That’s like walking up to the mirror and saying “I need you to smile so I can be happy. And that will make me smile.” It’s never going to work. No mirror has the power to reflect something that you’re not currently projecting. If your heart is not already singing, no car can come in that will make you feel that way.
Tweaking your vibration
So, there’s your message. The thing that’s “missing” from your current manifestation is the thing you’re not yet a match to. But, you won’t become a match to that if you,
- Are disappointed for not yet getting the final manifestation, a representation of what you want but aren’t yet fully a match to
- Decide that this crappy manifestation means that you now can’t EVER get what you want, which means that you’re using what is actually a positive and helpful thing to create and perpetuate the energy of what you don’t want
- Decide that something clearly went wrong instead of looking for what went right
- Forget that this is a progression, a work in progress, and that you’re not done
In my last post about my book deal with Hay House, I described the steps I took to keep me in alignment. One of these was that I never made any manifestation or opportunity into “the ONE”. I always stayed open to seeing how each manifestation would serve me and where it would take me. And sure, the progression was pretty straightforward in that case. You might think “sure, it’s easy to stay positive when everything that comes into your reality is awesome.”
Ok, so let me give you another example:
The development of the New Bullshit Fairy
Some of you may recall the Bullshit Fairy character I developed and posted on Facebook a while back. He looked like a disgruntled cartoon Danny Devito in a tutu, and threw out snarky but insightful comments. People loved him. I had originally just made the little posters for myself (I like to play), but the Happy Shiny Puppy Army went wild. The problem was that I didn’t own the rights to the image outright. So if the Bullshit Fairy got really big and famous, anyone could’ve come along and bought the same stock image for a small amount of cash. I wanted something more proprietary. And so, I stopped publishing BS Fairy quotes and went in search of an artist.
This is where the progression comes in. First, I contacted the artist of the original fairy. He replied to my very nice and complimentary inquiry with a one sentence, impersonal and cold mail. No thank you. I don’t work with people who aren’t happy and shiny and this guy, well, wasn’t. I could’ve despaired at this point, noting how I had placed all my hopes on this artist and if he couldn’t do it, no one could. He was my Volvo (Volvo #1), and obviously, if things don’t work out right away, they never will, right? Wrong. I just realized that working with THIS particular artist was not the way to go. I also realized that I wanted an artist who was enthusiastic about the Fairy and what he/she represented (bit of tweaking).
The next artist (Volvo #2) I tried was much friendlier, but his version of the fairy didn’t cause any kind of emotional response in me. Something was clearly off, but I couldn’t figure out what. I had to concede that the offness of the whole thing meant that something wasn’t yet aligned. I had to let it go for a while and wait for more input. And so I did, all the while KNOWING that the Fairy would eventually be born, and he/she would feel exactly the way I wanted him/her to. Ok, screw it, the fairy is now a girl. I was going to keep that for the end reveal, but this pronoun hell is annoying me, so, from now on, it’s “she”.
A few months went by, during which I manifested a whole lot of other stuff, but left this topic alone. Whenever the subject of the fairy came up, I soothed myself by remembering how I wanted her to feel, and worked my way into that feeling. I didn’t make the fairy responsible for generating that feeling in me. I got excited all on my own. I anticipated her arrival, without getting hung up on exactly when that had to be.
Then, one night, I’m talking to my sister and Happy Shiny Assistant Tina, who asked “Why does the BS Fairy have to be a little fat man? Why can’t it be a hot, quirky blonde chick?” This led to the realization (Duh! moment) that Danny Devito is not the Bullshit Fairy. I am. And I always have been. Apparently, I was, once again, the last to know.
After this shift in perspective, the next artist (Volvo #3) just kind of gravitated into my reality by accident (but not). And that’s when we started designing what would eventually (notice, not immediately) turn into a freaking awesome masterpiece. The first version, while it captured much of the essence I wanted, was far from perfect. There were many elements I loved (the good stuff), but there were also elements I didn’t love. My actual feedback to the artist was “I do not have, nor have I ever had cankles.” Let’s just say, she was a bit, um, too curvy, and her head was shaped a bit like that of Stewie from Family Guy. I don’t think I have a football shaped head. I could be wrong. But again, it was a work in progress, so no one despaired. We expected to have to make some edits. You should too. It makes life a lot more fun.
The problem was that I’ve never designed a character before. I’m more of an “I know it when I see it” kind of person. So, I often had no idea what I wanted until I saw what I didn’t want, manifested into a cartoon I could actually, physically lay my eyes on. Having a physical version to work with made it much easier to tweak. “Oh!” I would say, “I didn’t realize I don’t want her to have a football shaped head!” I hadn’t ever really thought about head shapes before, you see, so had made no specific mention of it in the original brief. But when the head didn’t look right, I suddenly realized I cared very much about footballness (American Football, not the soccer ball one) of the fairy’s noggin. The same goes for dress color, and lip placement and facial expression (which took ages). Every time I thought I knew what I wanted and told the artist, I would get exactly that, only to realize it wasn’t yet quite right.
We went through several iterations, each one closer to what I was looking for, each one showing me what I still needed to tweak, until all the details had been ironed out. It was not an instant process. But it was fun to see the evolution of the fairy, and seeing each version come closer and closer to what I wanted.
This is the perfect representation of how manifestations come about: I pointed myself in the general direction of what I wanted, to the best of my ability, and then tweaked my vibration using the manifestations that came in. At no time did I exclaim “Well, if you can’t get it right in one try, you’re obviously a crap artist!”, or “Well, if I can’t get it perfectly on the first try, I’m obviously crap at explaining!”, or “This must mean the Fairy is not meant to be! Waaaaaaa!”
And as I went through this progression, I got a better and better idea of what I truly wanted, allowing me to line up with that energy more and more until it all came together beautifully (Honda!). And yes, I’ll be revealing the new Bullshit Fairy shortly. Tease, tease, tease. Ha.
Bottom line
You do get to have what you want. You do get to receive manifestations that are even better than anything you can imagine. But not if you insist on pooping on every manifestation that comes for not being perfect. It’s a progression. Getting a Volvo doesn’t mean that you can’t get a Honda (and soon, the idea that you will now have to wait a certain amount of time to manifest another car is a limiting belief…). Isn’t it great that the Universe will show you what your current vibration is, instead of forcing you to wait for ANY manifestation until you’re completely aligned with what you want? I mean, how would you even know what needs to be tweaked? Without manifestations to help you shift your energy, how would you ever become a match to anything you wanted? How would you ever manifest anything? It really would be down to luck – you’d have to stumble across the right frequency. With no feedback mechanism in place, manifesting deliberately would be damn near impossible. You want that feedback, but you don’t want to misinterpret it.
Stop looking for signs that you can’t have what you want. You can turn anything into a bad omen if you so choose, but I’d recommend against it. Work with your manifestations to shape your energy and stop holding yourself to this ridiculous standard of perfection. Oh, and while you’re at it, stop being so damn impatient. You are not running out of time and you can still totally get what you want. You’re supposed to get what you want. The Universe wants you to get what you want. But it can’t force it upon you.
The Bullshit Fairy has spoken. *drops the mic*
PS: Thank to everyone for all the wonderful wishes and congrats about the book. I can’t even express how much I want to smooshily hug all of you. Smoosh, Smoosh. There, that’s better.
WOW>>>>> This line is sooooo extremely powerful:
…That’s like walking up to the mirror and saying “I need you to smile so I can be happy. And that will make me smile.” It’s never going to work. No mirror has the power to reflect something that you’re not currently projecting…
This is my AH HA moment for LOA! This statement makes it so crystal clear! I can visualize this in my mind when I think of the things I want in my life and how I need to manifest within to see it externally.
Excellent analogies as always Melody!!!!
Perhaps the Volvo was a stepping stone. You just never can see the road ahead nor should you see what’s waaay up there. Cool site and tons of content! Thanks
Hi Melody,
I have only been reading here for a couple of weeks and I have already gotten myself into a bind. I have been following other LOA techniques, but it seems those techniques combined with yours have resulted in some kind of life explosion. I prayed for change, I quantum leaped and didn’t care what was going to happen in my reality because I WANTED change. But now that it is actually changing I am terrified. I think somewhere in my heart I was playing with these techniques with the safety net of not knowing if they would actually work. But now that they are, I realise I am not ready for the changes. Well the solution is to go back to how I was living before, right? But you can’t forget this stuff. Once you start to ‘get’ it, it doesn’t seem reversible.
I guess I am writing to you in the hopes you can give me some comfort or advice. Things are chaotic right now, but they will settle, right?
Honestly, I am not sure whether I want to thank you or slap you right now.
You should put some kind of warning on your blog.
Shel
Hi Melody,
Congratulations on the book! I know you said something about it being about the basics but with some more advanced stuff too. Couldn’t you please just clone yourself already and write two books at once?! Or maybe three, yeah three is better! A beginners book, a mid-level book and a WOOOO-HOOOO flying by the seat of your pants and having a rockin’ good time level book!
I read your post on how the book deal manifested and decided to try and “deliberately receive” a cool manifestation on my own. I have been working on improving my vibration around my finances and really wasn’t up to speed with your “I don’t know what’s going to happen but it is going to be awesome” stance. So I accepted where I was and conjured up the best feeling I could from where I stood. This was the best I could do: “I don’t know what is going to happen but it IS totally possible that it might not suck (not exactly shiny happy puppy I know but it was where I was at the time)! It is within the conceivable realm of possibility that something good could happen. I don’t know how the not sucking will come but I don’t have to know. It is raining today and I don’t know how the hell that happens either…but here it is big, beautiful drops of life giving rain. I remember hearing about having the faith of a mustard seed as being all you really needed to have. A mustard seed is freaking puny. I can have that small amount of faith and hope.” I proceeded to feel with all of my heart pure hope and excitement that things could change for me. Eventually it stopped raining and later that day I went to my child’s baseball game. I got to talking with one of the other moms that I hadn’t met before. It almost felt like talking to an old friend and since we both are employed in the same field we had a lot in common. It turns out that she has her own business and is in need of some assistance with certain aspects of that. Wouldn’t you know that I have been branching out and learning some marketing skills for the past few years that are an exact match to the kind of help she is looking for! It was uncanny and coincidental and absolutely not an accident! Now, I don’t know where this will go and if it will even amount to anything substantial. Honestly I don’t care if it does or not! I am just so excited that I got to witness this really cool unfolding of events, on the very same day I decided to allow the puny, mustard seed sized possibility, of something working out. WOOOOOO-HOOOOO!
I’m wondering… this kind of reminds me of an article in which Melody said you’ll never get done. I think I’m misunderstanding it, because I have an ideal reality in mind and I think that rather than attracting (well, receiving) it all, every aspect of it, I’ll only get some of it at a time instead of it all. That I’ll get bits and pieces instead of being done. I mean, what she probably meant is that even after you get all of that, you’ll still want more. You’ll find more awesome things to want. I guess I’m just a bit confused but I get it at the same time.
“That’s like walking up to the mirror and saying “I need you to smile so I can be happy. And that will make me smile.” It’s never going to work. No mirror has the power to reflect something that you’re not currently projecting.”
LIGHT DAWNETH. (!!!!!)
Thank you Melody, for taking the time to explain this concept again — I’m finally getting it! lol!
“Whenever the subject of the fairy came up, I soothed myself by remembering how I wanted her to feel, and worked my way into that feeling. I didn’t make the fairy responsible for generating that feeling in me. I got excited all on my own. I anticipated her arrival, without getting hung up on exactly when that had to be.”
This is our only job–getting into that good feeling place; something that at times may seem hard to achieve, however, with practice we can do it and we can find motivation to do so by believing with no doubt that we create our own reality by the vibrations we emit.
Congratulations, Melody, on the book deal; I’m looking forward to reading it, and thanks for this, as always, awesome post!
Another totally AWESOME blog post!!! This one is worth reading over and over again. I want to imprint in my mind and engrain in my brain that whatever manifestation I get is just a reflection of my current vibration. If what I manifest is not what I want, then back to the drawing board to tweak my vibration until it is what I want. Can’t wait to see the Bullshit Fairy. You totally ROCK, Melody. Your blog posts are always the highlight of my week. 🙂
See this is proof that we either get what we want or we get the thing or whatever in a different way but it is still the same thing. For example, you want an album from the past and you search for the vinyl to get a feeling, but it’s only on the Internet as an MP3. The MP3 may not make your heart sing but it’s the same thing just in a different wrapping. However, you have the MP3 but you are drawn to go to a garage sale – guess what is there, yep, the vinyl copy of the album and you then go oh fantastic and get it or it hits you that is ok to have the MP3 instead. Either way not only have you gotten what you want, but you got it twice and you got to decide if you want the new package only or both or decide the album is rubbish after all and get rid of it. It’s totally win win.
However, and I have no idea if anyone will snap at this, but I believe it is the same thing with a person. You want this person but you end up with someone else. But what if the person you want to be with and you end up with differently, say a deep friendship? Then you might see the person differently it is just there is a different relationship. How do you know down the track you may decide ok I still love X but feel Y is my partner in life? Or Y and you part and remain friends but you end up with X. Or if you are naughty, you end up with both, or you end up with neither. It’s your your choice. That is what is empowering. I get it now, it’s not about being selfish and demanding a person or thing or else, but when you half get what you want or not quite it is not the end and there is no reason why what you wanted in the first place will not appear. Maybe you may not want it fully or in a different way, but it comes.
Besides Volvos are better 🙂
Yes, Michael, I am glad you posted this because I have noticed this as well. Then, the last episode of How I Met Your Mother came on. He got both of his loves while previously experiencing so many other loves. I think the only problem was that he lamented along the way. Even if you have not watched the show, you get the gist.
The point is the universe gives. You may be with X and still end up with Y. And I have read so many accounts on the same topic of people not getting exactly what they want at the time, but getting it later on somehow, someway.
A thank you for the reply, it is nice to know someone in the cyberworld gets it too.
I am starting to think that unrequited love needs to be viewed not as some angst of never being with someone, but rather that it is simply a non-alignment at that point in time. Many will say give up forever wanting to be with them. You do. Guess what. Yes, you start to align with them and you make the decision to proceed with them. You can also go no I don’t feel aligned with them I prefer another. But again it is about flexibility. That to me is what the it will never happen crowd don’t seem to get.
I would say this applies to career very strongly as well. There seems to be something in requesting and sending out resumes with a meh whatever attitude and then the phone rings and oh you think now that is what I wanted to do or where I wanted to work. As Florence Shinn once wrote take the clutch off. I am now starting to see she was right after doubting for such a long time.
I am not saying it’s that all the time, but again a huge lesson I learnt from this blog, and hence why I typed a reply, is that the mere possiblity that we can have what we want when we cannot see it, and letting it come as in it’s time, might be horrifying to some in this fast society. But I know now it does work and is possible. Even if you want to be the President of the United States, well as complicated a process as that is and what you have to align with and what you will take on, it IS possible. If you get that it IS possible, then that takes away the so called ‘pain’ that it is not here because even something such as wanting that ultra difficult job is possible.
Thanks again A (and other replies). Oh and Melanie of course!
Yes, that is it! In essence, there is no “failure”, so to speak. It is all a tweaking process, as Melody has said, but you have to go over it and really get it. (I remind myself that it took Jesus 17 years to tweak this stuff).
Hey Melody,
By far the best post of all times!!!! I have had this confusion recently and boom, someone asked my question. Manifestation right here folks!
Thank you so very much melody! You are just fab!!!!
MM
Hot, quirky blonde chick indeed! Can’t wait for the book!
Oh Melody, this was too funny and you may not believe this but the very first thing I manifested last fall when I first discovered LOA was really and truly a VOLVO! Yep, I’d wanted one forever but knew I couldn’t afford a brand new one and had never been successful in finding a used one that met all my requirements. I had convinced myself that I’d probably never have one but every time I saw one I still longed for one. Long story short, you opened my eyes to the idea I could indeed have what I wanted and voila — I found the car of my dreams easily. And yes, it does make my heart sing!
Another interesting detail: I knew the Universe was telling me I was on the right track when even the license plate they gave me at the dealership had a special message for me, one that only I would understand.
I wish I could say that I’ve been on a roll ever since then with manifesting everything my heart desires, but as you said in your post, I am still “deprogramming” and am still defining what those other desires truly are. I look forward to more wonderful guidance from you!
Loved this post so much! I had a recent experience that was quite uncomfortable for me and I was beating myself up about it. This post made me realize that even though the experience/person made me feel uncomfortable that there were traits this person had that in fact are in line with what I am looking for in my love. After reading this I feel affirmed that I am as close as ever to meeting the love of my life because I believe this most recent manifestation was the closest representation to what I am looking for (minus the uncomfortable part). I am choosing to look past the negative side of the situation and realize that I am just that much closer to my man. Thank you for affirming this for me!
In other words: STOP FREAKING OUT WHEN THINGS DON’T GO THE WAY YOU WANT! LOL!
Melody, there are no words in any language that could even come close to describing how awesome you are! I just freakin’ love you! 🙂
As Kelli pointed out, it’s been the same for me. As I get deeper into my understanding of LOA, you have been posting exactly what I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. Thank you so much! 😀
You are my hero, Melody!
Hey Melody
Lately, all your posts have been hitting on issues that were tripping me up as I got more deeply into my LOA work…there are no coincidences. I really like the explanation of what we are getting is not quite right but shows us where we are vibration wise. Like you said, better that than witholding all the goodies until we are ‘just right.’
Thanks, Melody! So if I get volvo, then I haven’t reached the point where I truly feel joy and happiness?? Tweaking vibration means keeping doing things that make me feel happier and grateful?? Imagining what it would feel like having honda and staying happy??
I’m LOA beginner so sometimes it’s confusing!!
P.S Melody, I hope one day your book will be translated into Korean!! 🙂 because I’m Korean and I think it would be really great if fellow Korean shiny puppies can learn from you!
“and soon, the idea that you will now have to wait a certain amount of time to manifest another car is a limiting belief…”
Then it means that manifesting does not need to take long? It does seem to take long for everyone, Melody herself said in her book deal manifesting it took months untill stuff happened, and a couple of months of nothing happening too during the Bullshit fairy manifestation. If it takes months for melody what hope do we all have to get our things without waiting forever? Some things we want DO have a deadline to be achieved, such as finding a life partner before you lose your looks or being a woman who wants to have babies…
Waiting for months and years for something you want and having to be happy while having crappy conditions is too difficult to maintain in the long run. Believe me, I’ve tried. How am I supposed to pretend everything is ok and I’m happy and the husband I want is coming when I’m extremely lonely and unhappy in real life and guys don’t even glance at my ugly self? This is the part of LoA I can’t come to terms with, having to force yourself to be happy when you’re really not. Clearing limiting beliefs OK, visualizing OK, thinking positive OK, but being happy…. Psychology says we all have a hapiness setpoint and I do believe so. It’s especially harder to accept you’ll only get your stuff if you get happy when so many people out there get the stuff I want without needing to be any happy. Even though Melody posted once about people who are not happy and can still get what they want, I still don’t understand why it has to be the easy way for them and the hard way for people like me. Just thinking about this makes me angry and defeated, and I’m sure many may feel that way too.
Mandy
Time is relative. Manifestations take as long as they take. Not everyone is equal in terms of their vibration, and we can’t be compared to one another. We are all different, and Melody is just a person just like you and me. We are all working toward our own version of happiness. Just because Melody is super awesome at explaining this stuff and worked on keeping and raising her vibration doesn’t mean she doesn’t have room to grow.
I hear what you are saying. I really do. I have been there, but I don’t feel bad for you because that would suggest that you are not powerful enough to take control over your life. You are! You said in your post that you “pretend everything is okay” and “force yourself to be happy.” All I can say is don’t. Stop pretending and stop forcing yourself to be anything. Just be. If your unhappy, then be unhappy. Make peace with that, but don’t get stuck with that emotion. Look inside yourself and try to figure out why your unhappy. Is it because your lonely and see yourself as ugly (you said that in your post)? Or is it something more? Start small. Just because you are alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, and you can’t hinge your happiness on something else happening (i.e. meeting someone). Focus on one small thing that makes you happy. If you can’t reach happy, then find something that doesn’t make you cringe or something that you don’t hate. Stop looking at all the negatives and celebrate the beauty in the little things. You are alive, and you found this site. I think that is something to celebrate. 😉 I know you won’t hear any of this if you’re not ready, but I am streaming some serious hugs to you right now. 🙂
I don’t see how I can let myself be unhappy without getting stuck in this emotion when all around me makes me unhappy. I’m completely alone and being alone IS lonely, I don’t see how I can be ok with this when everyone around me gets to have a partner but not me. I’m not unhappy to be ugly, it just angers me that beautiful girls always get a man without needing to use the LoA just because it’s in men’s genes to see them as worthy of a relationship, while I’ve been single without any prospects for so long and will continue to be because I’m not attractive enough and thus not worthy to men.
What you’re saying is that I need to be ok with not being able to have a partner? Even if I do this and get happier in my bad conditions, what then? Is a man finally gonna come into my life? I know he won’t, nothing’s gonna happen cause the LoA process is painfully slow and difficult to actually understand. I just wanted to know for sure how many years does it have to take for it to happen or if it’s gonna happen at all… But thank you for your hugs!
Hey Mandy,
“I just wanted to know for sure how many years does it have to take for it to happen”
The “time” it will take will be in direct proportion to the time it takes for you to learn how to love yourself.
You will only be able to fully understand and receive the love from another when you know how to give love to and receive love from yourself, first.
Every relationship you ever have is simply a mirror reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
This is so true! I finally figured this out after my last relationship ended. After googling the heck out of the situation, to see what was wrong with him, I made a funny discovery – I figured out what was wrong with…ME. Or, at least, what I was doing to prevent MYSELF from being loved. He was a mirror – he reflected back to me exactly how I felt about myself. His shortcomings were mine too. His fear of commitment matched mine to a T. I realized that my biggest fear – abandonment – was made worse because I was abandoning *myself*. Love yourself, accept yourself, and see your beauty, and others will follow.
As for ugly…whoa…nobody is ugly, please stop calling yourself that. And looks have nothing to do with love. Honeybooboo’s mom has a man who adores her. J-Lo is single.
I relate to your frustration in finding a mate. I’m 44 and there isn’t even a hint of a man on my radar. I just read in the paper the other day that there are 2000 more single women in my city than there are single men. I understand losing enthusiasm. Try to remember this though – finding a mate isn’t the end of suffering, it isn’t the beginning of living. My sister found her true love, finally, after a long search, and she was planning to live happily ever after. He died 7 years later. Your happiness and life isn’t dependent on finding romantic love. The only sure love is the one that you have for yourself. Hugs.
Mandy, I hear you. I have been there and worse. I remember feeling so worthless and depressed on my 35th birthday because I lived alone and desperately wanted to get married and have kids with no prospect of either, and I was really negative about everything without realising it. I didn’t know about LOA but I think what helped was my ‘list’ of what I wanted in a man and the fact that I decided I would die before I gave up on my dream. Then by 37 I was married and pregnant and happy (still am, well not pregnant, thank goodness! but married and happy). Sometimes I wish I had my single days back and wish I had fully appreciated them! If I can get to where I am now from where I started in life, anyone can do anything believe me. Things still aren’t perfect (far from it, financially, but I don’t focus on it, just on what I want) but now I have discovered LOA I know that I can get anything I want so it’s just a matter of time before I am telling you how much money I have now. Just KNOW that it will all work out the way you want. Don’t worry about time frames – time is an illusion anyway! Just focus on all the good stuff until you forget about what you are waiting for. Replace any negative thought about yourself or the world you have with a positive one until it becomes a habit. Erase any negativity from your life – people, the news, anything that doesn’t make you feel good. I ONLY watch funny or feel-good movies or tv and meditate on what I want every day and it makes so much difference in my life it’s freaky.
Smiles and hugs :o)
You found a husband without using the LoA? How did it happen for you? I’m not so lucky, I know it won’t happen to me naturally, if I leave it to the universe I’ll die alone.
I don’t have a list of what want in a man, I’m not picky, any decent one who treats me well and likes me to marry me is ok. This is a simple desire, it shouldn’t take that long. I don’t know how I could possibly wait till 37 while being lonely and unhappy and still get it to happen. I’m just so sick and tired of being single, I don’t appreciate my single days cause there’s been far too many of them and everyone around gets to have a partner but of course I’m the one who can’t and has to wait. You say it will all work out the way I want but the way I want is for it to come before I’m too old but ironically that is the only thing I can’t have. There’s gotta be some hardcore LoA way to make the obstacles resolve quicker and our desires to come quicker.
Mandy, I think you are a prime candidate for coaching with Melody to help you with your resistance? Best of luck :o)
Hey girl, Mandy,
Your friends with partners did use LOA. It is not possible to be on the planet without using it. You are using it really well right now by noticing all the unwanted stuff and you are getting more of it. We get more of what we currently feel. Break the cycle for even short periods of time. Enjoy ice cream, look at a sunset, read a spicey book, anything to get some relief from your feelings of lack for even a short period of time, five minutes is enough to start. I know this works. Its working for you right now but you are focusing on what you Don’t want. Stay in the game but have some fun along the way. There are plenty of unattractive (by Hollywood standards, everyone is beautiful) with partners. Go to the Mall and check it out. LOL
Victoria, you’re pretty damn awesome and Mandy, listen to Victoria!! She just gave you some nuggets of gold! You have to start slowly and perhaps with one thing that you’d like to change…everyone uses LOA and don’t realize it until we become aware of what we’re manifesting. Thanks for your insight, Victoria!!
Marjorie
I LOVE your comment Victoria. I couldn’t agree more. As for relationships I’m in a constant state of relief. I’m in a wonderful relationship, but I know deep down that I’ll be okay whatever happens. I’m happy, with or without ‘my man’. I focus on the good stuff (not always, but at least 75% of the time) and I know – even when we’re fighting – that I’ll be okay, no matter what.
Mandy, take the pressure off yourself. Finding love/ getting what you want only works if you cut yourself some slack. LOA IS real and works all the freakin’ time, like Victoria says, but it’s up to us to deliberately use it and get the good stuff. You won’t die alone, but you have to stop focusing on all the reasons why you can’t have a relationship and make a list of reasons why you CAN. Stick that list on your forehead. There are more than enough men who would love to marry you, Mandy, but YOU must believe it first!! The Universe WILL help you, but you’ve got to make the first move. No more poo poo thoughts about yourself, men or relationships!!!
“You found a husband without using LOA!” “I know it wont happen to me naturally””
Oh Sweet Mandy!! LOA is all there is. It is working. ALWAYS. Whether you know it or not. Whether you ‘Use’ it or not.
Hi Mandy,
I just wanted to chime in and say that you WANT to stay single until you clear up your (man, love, marriage…whatever) vibration. TRUST ME! You don’t want to feel “stuck” in something that you rushed into while your vibrations were still “out of whack” in that area. Trust me on this!
Acknowledge how you feel. Don’t ignore it. That “I’m sick and tired of this” feeling is the first step toward change, and you are noticing what you don’t like now, so you are on the right path. You just need to allow yourself to be angry. Get angry until you exhaust yourself, and then go do something nice for yourself. You don’t have to stay in “happy, shiny puppy mode” 24/7. You can get there incrementally. As you do that, you will eventually discover that you are in a good mood more often than not, but it is something that takes time. You just have to accept that and be patient – not easy, I know. I’m still pretty impatient, and for me, that may be one of those things that will pop up throughout my entire life.
What helps me is to just decide that I will work on this and I will not stop until the day I’m no longer breathing. That may sound depressing, but really and truly, what else are any of us here for? To go for our wants, goals and desires with everything we have. What else do we have to do really? That’s it. Go for what you want. For me, when I think about it that way, it helps me to realize that time really is an illusion and the only reason there are any time constraints on anything is because “I” put them there. It is an unnecessary burden that many of us put on ourselves. We have to be more kind to ourselves and stop reaching for immediate perfection because when the resistance runs deep, it rarely works out perfectly the first time.
When you do start to feeling better, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Try to figure out WHY you’re so angry. Figure out WHY you feel you need a man to make you happy because it is true that you have to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with anyone else.
If you get into a serious relationship with your current vibration, you’ll be wishing you were single again. Trust me on this because I’ve done it over and over and over. It is a vicious cycle and getting married will only make things worse. Your partner will mirror ALL your crap back to you and only enforce your limiting beliefs. It is SO much harder to clear up “romantic love” vibrations while you’re in a relationship. Not impossible….(I think), but a relationship will not make things easier for you. Not right now.
I agree with Ally. Set up a call with Melody. She WILL help you. And PLEASE, when a man does show up in your life, PLEASE make sure your “romantic love” vibrations are exactly where you need them to be before you get married.
To Mandy,
If you feel like you’re stuck, you don’t know what to do, you questions your assumptions about life, you feel like you’re wrong about everything and that your are worthless to the world, then you’re not alone. a lot of people are going through this as well. They all thought they are done for.
They are not. It is just a phase they are going through.
You are simply inside a Cloud.
This is your mind telling you that your original plan to go from A to B is currently not accessible. It tells you that this is the limit of what you know. The Cloud is the space between the known (what you know) and the unknown (what you don’t know yet).
It can be a scary place when you face it alone. It is a lot less scary when you have supports. I am and all the lovely people above are willing to help. Many of us have been there.
Basically, you abandon outcome B, admit that it cannot be done yet
(that can’t be worse than how you have been feeling).
this will enable you to reach a neutral state while you are still inside the cloud.
you will know by the inner calm.
In neutral state, other possibilities will become visible to you.
Most likely, you will find outcome C.
C will be different, and you may even hate it.
work with it, talk about it with your support network.
A lot of the time outcome C is the bridge you need to get to B.
Other times, C would lead to D, which is a better solution than B.
In case you just skipped right to the bottom bit, here are the practical things you can do.
Step 1: clear your schedule, and watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wnn_P7TLYLQ
Step 2: start saying Yes. Try it.
Step 3: if you are nervous or struggle with making big decisions, watch this
http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices
Mandy, I’ve been exactly where you are now. All through my twenties I watched all my friends get married, and while I did have a few relationships, none of them worked out. I didn’t feel that I was ugly, but I was quite obsessed with meeting Mr Right, and probably my desperation showed. Looking back, my desperation and fear of being left on the shelf probably scared off a lot of guys but when you’re in that situation it’s hard not to let it show.
This was long before “The Secret”. One day I sat down and had a good long cry (which was not unusual) and then I imagined “what if.” What if I met someone, went out for a bit, got engaged and then got married by the end of the year? I circled a date in my diary at the end of the year. I also wrote down 8 non-negotiable points I was looking for in a guy. I then turned it over to the Universe with a prayer of sorts, and felt a relief that I hadn’t felt before that it was now up to the Universe to fulfil my prayer.
It wasn’t that I was so positive-minded, but the year was going to pass anyway, and I just thought it was worth a try, just for a year, acting as if I was going to get married at the end of the year. I’ve told my story to a lot of people I know, so if anyone who knows me is reading this they’ll recognise me straight away.
Anyway, I re-met a guy early in the year at a dinner party. I had gone on a blind date with him a couple of years earlier but we then parted company. I became friends with the guy again but was in two minds about whether I wanted to start a relationship with him. In any case he was interested in someone else. I had a lot of male friends so he became another friend, but someone I felt comfortable with.
By mid-year I still wasn’t going out with anyone, and started to think that my idea of getting married by the end of the year wasn’t going to happen. But I wasn’t going to let myself think about that for too long. Not this year! The guy I was comfortable with as a friend started to show more interest in me, and I started to think about whether I wanted something more with him. I just felt that he wasn’t the type of guy to have a fling with – if I was going to let something happen, then he was going to be the one I would end up with. By June 30th we were going out as a couple, and 10 days later we were engaged. We had our engagement party in September and got married on December 30th – the day I had circled in my diary. This year we will celebrate 24 years of marriage. We have 2 kids – almost 20 and 18.
Mandy, don’t ever call yourself ugly. There are too many people out there who are only too ready to insult us or gossip about us in nasty ways. Be kind to yourself and don’t mix with people who make you feel bad about yourself. And try doing what I did – I’ve manifested things over the years, but there are things I’m still struggling with. But I know I’m very lucky that I “manifested” a great husband! And you can too.
Just to add to that – I was 31 when we got married. As I said, all through my twenties I was looking to get married. But it was that last year when I turned 30, that my attitude just changed. I had to do something different, because you know Einstein’s quote – “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” And also, a lot of my friends at the time who had got married in their early to mid 20’s separated and were getting married for the second time around the time I got married. And a lot of those second marriages didn’t last. My marriage has lasted longer than a lot of people I know, so sometimes it is worth the wait.
Miriam,
I love your story. Though I have read about it before, it is worth re-reading, as there are so many teaching points embedded within it and it is such a lovely story. So, even those who married before did not stay married. It is all a process. The only bad thing is that you had gotten so upset in the past over this topic (I do not like seeing people upset), but you ended up releasing a lot and it happened for you in the best way! Cheers!
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
I need to tattoo that on my forehead! Oh and the list. The non-negotiable list is very, VERY important apparently. Thank you for sharing your story Miriam. 🙂
Great story! I found it inspiring. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thanks Melody! Just the words I needed right now. I was offered a new job, accepted it, not feeling like I should have accepted it and am now going to focus on all the positives that this job entails. I know that it has a lot of what I’ve been asking for, just not all and doesn’t make my heart sing. So now I want to tweak my vibration to allow the rest of what I want. You are awesome. Congrats on your new book deal with Hay House! What an exciting manifestation for you!!
Today’s lesson (as I receive it): See ALL manifestations, not as good or bad, but as useful and worthy of appreciation. Each manifestation shows me how aligned I am with what I want, and helps me identify if and how my vibration needs to be tweaked.
I love having a better feeling perspective on any subject. Thank you, Melody!
Awesomest Melody, thank you for another awesome post. I can’t wait to see the bullshit fairy and I’m so excited to hear what she has to say!
Melody,
Thanks for the further clarification. So many times we get frustrated when things don’t work out exactly as we planned them. After watching The Secret, I think most of us just jumped in at first and thought, “Hey, it’s so simple. All I have to do is believe I can have it, think about it, and then, wham, there it will be.” The art of manifestation is a learning process just like everything else! Who would have known?
It takes a little determination, a lot of contentment with what you do have, and joy in the fact that we can receive.
Joshua, your post seems to sum it up nicely! I love it, getting so much insight not only from Melly’s post but from the community, yay! 🙂
Marjorie
Oh, wow, yup, there’s a lot if deprogramming needed for sure. In my family, if you don’t get it in the first shot, then it is not meant to be. This has always very painful to me and with LOA I understand the process much more. This is one if the reasons why there is so much misery in the world I think. People just do not wait and they miss the point in creation but they think the universe does it all to them and they are unlucky. People think time is wasted when, since starting with LOA 4 years ago, I find that time has not gone by and I got evidence of this. I just do not feel what the others feel time-wise. People may give up on me, but this is also in my favor as I am no longer exposed to their nervous energy and things do happen after that because there is no pressure.
Well, in following you I have seen many things that you wrote about come into this physical reality by you not fumbling with it and keeping your vibe so high. You spoke of meeting some if your puppies and you did, the book deal came, you found a place where you want to move to and the business took off. You put it out there, are not saddened or frustrated about anything, go about your business, look at all the positive aspects and appreciate everything, and things just morph. That is really splendid.
It is all about shaping your energy.
Congratulations on the book!! And thank you for all your no bullshit guidance 🙂
Thanks so so so so so much for this post. You have helped me come to what seems to be an awesome insight with this one.
I’ve always had problems with being patient, waiting for a manifestation, and being okay with imperfection. I always feel like I am running out of time. I have to get this now or else other things will come in and distract me from my intention. After reading this post, I think I know why this is. Because of the academic world of assignments and due dates.
If you ask the average person (including me) for a description of how assignments work in school, you probably will hear something like this:
You get assignments that are often difficult and odious, and for each one there is a due date. Some teachers may be willing to look at your work before the due date, and some will not because they might not have the time or they want to foster your independence by having you do it without help from an expert. As soon as the due date comes and you hand it in, it’s all better and you feel relief like never before. Then, you get your grade. It is presupposed that if you ask your teacher if you could do some things over again to get a better grade, they would look at you like you have three heads. The project is over. On to the next thing. This is not what you describe with manifesting. It’s like, the project never actually has a deadline. You can choose what you do your project on, and even the length of it. Whenever you finish a part, the teacher (universe) somehow already knows and gives you your feedback immediately. If you read it (analyze your emotions) you can easily tell what you have done wrong. You then get as many chances as you like to get an A (be happy.) If you get frustrated with your teacher (the universe) for a while and stop focussing on the project, you are forgiven and still get to take as many chances as you want.
I understand that the universe is not trying to teach us lessons. The only reason I use the word “teacher” is because the teacher would be the one grading the assignment. I just wanted to make it fit my little metaphor.
Also, getting an A makes me extremely happy (could you even get that many pluses in school? I never have haha) and that’s why I used getting that grade as a metaphor for being happy.
Thanks again for the post.
Oh my, A., you know I heard a talk on this topic earlier in the week. The word “deadline” comes from the old west, according to the speaker. It was the point outside the fort at which one cannot be helped any more. One was basically left alone, to fend for oneself, as no one would venture that far, and be left for dead. Crazy isn’t it? And humans built this concept into their life from a setting that was very low-vibrating. No wonder it never seemed right to me. Very unimaginative.
I think if you put your focus and heart in projects, you will turn in the work before the deadline. And that is the way academia is, but I know it will change for the better. There is some turmoil to be faced first. 🙂 The universe certainly does not have this narrow viewpoint.
Wow! A_Blindy, Thank you so much for using this ‘teacher-deadline’ metaphor. Your comment is like icing on the cake…yummy cake that Melody’s posts have always been. 🙂
You know they say if you know What is the problem, then 50% of it is already solved. Your comment has really done just that. Thanks again. 😀
Thank you for adding more clarity for me to this subject! this is a terrific metaphor and one I will keep with me. 🙂
Thanks Melody,
Wow!!!!!!!!!! This put it all into perspective for me especially since I got dumped last night. Thinking he was my Honda but really a Volvo. Sadness felt which is a must but my gratefulness to the universe and to him for the four week experience has now given me the ability to keep tweaking so that I get closer to the Honda. Weirdly he was driving the enthusiasm of the beginning of this relationship but the road block of FEAR stopped him from moving any further. Ahhhhhhhhh Like you said be in no hurry. I’m getting closer to that which is my desire that I am fully vibrationally aligned too. Thank you for a very clear interpretation and I am blessed to have woken up early enough here in Australia, as it just fell into my inbox. You’re a Gem and talk about being aligned to hear this.
Congrats on the book deal and I very much look forward to experiencing it.
Hugs
Josie
Josie, loved your story and your enthusiasm! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Marjorie
Melody,
So thrilled you will be with Hay House! I look forward to your posts — I laugh my head off while feeling resonance with your words. And I get the most amazing pictures in my head!
“So, after years and years of being trained out of your natural ability to receive your reality easily and joyfully, do you really think that you’re going to be a master at it instantly? What kind of standard are you holding yourself to, anyway? And I know, you think you’ve been at this for years, but consider much of that time as having gone towards “deprogramming” instead of deliberately applying LOA principles. It took you a while to get to the point where you were able to remember what you’re truly capable of.”
Recently I’ve been wondering why it has “taken me so long” to get to where I am (I estimate that I spent basically 5 years finding Abraham Hicks and trying to understand the basic ideas, and then only in the past year have I, I think, actually begun to be able to apply anything in a real way – before that I was in some serious denial about how I felt.) So thanks for sharing this!
I’ve often wondered why Abe tend to approach things as “You can change this all around TOMORROW” when my own experience has been, um, more slow-paced. Is their own non-physical knowing of our power so strong that they just can’t really see the “okay they aren’t real but you have a lot of practice believing that they are, so they… kind of are for a while” restrictions humans place on themselves over time?
Great post as always. I’ve been wondering about this exact topic recently – I suspect that many people go through a phase of LOA work where they conclude that the only way to release the pain of wanting something you apparently can’t have is to zoom way, way out on the topic, so far that they make peace with not getting it. I would guess that as you move your way up the vibrational ladder, you don’t have to go that general in making peace with not-currently having your physical desire?
Me too. It feels like I have to wait for a long time to receive my desire despite being the biggest believer in loa….maybe I just need to have more fun along the way.
I was hoping to see an ex yesterday and was almost certain I would bump into him. He never turned up and I was shocked, that’s how confident I was. If I hadn’t manifested so much in the past, I wouldn’t have believed he would turn up.
What I’ve always taken from those ‘you can change your world RIGHT THIS SECOND’ statements is that you can consciously decide that you’re going to abandon your limiting, pessimistic beliefs in favor of more positive, fruitful ones. Of course, most of us have habituated ways of thinking to the point that our old habits die pretty hard, so it’s a process in and of itself to get from point A to point B. But the decision to change can be made instantly.
Hey Cordy,
“I would guess that as you move your way up the vibrational ladder, you don’t have to go that general in making peace with not-currently having your physical desire?”
Go as general or specific as you want as long as you feel good.
Here’s a quote from Abraham,
“We’re not asking you to be happy in the absence of what you want.
We’re asking you to be happy in the vibrational presence of what you want.”
It’s not about being happy not having what you want.
It’s being happy feeling and knowing you already have that which you want.
Your focus is not on its absence from your life, but its vibrational presence–it’s already here.