Awesome Melissa’s Burning Question: “What happens when you’ve asked for something, it shows up (totally unexpectedly and awesomely), and then you say no to it? Is it gone forever? Aka, have you screwed yourself out of the thing you asked for?
I had been asking for a different job – one that involved more creative work and more work as part of a team. Out of the blue, I was offered an interview at a company I had never even heard of before, right around the corner from where I live (even better because I could bike to work, which I love). I went for the interview, loved the owners, really liked the sounds of everything and would have been working on computer graphics and web work in addition to some research projects. Everything sounded awesome and I was ready to pack my bags. Then I asked about the wage – it was significantly lower than my current wage which made me nervous. Then I started thinking about having to tell my boss (who is like a mama hen to me) that I wouldn’t be working for her anymore after she’s been so supportive of me and had only hired me full-time two months prior. Needless to say, I turned the job down 5 months ago and I still think about it. I torture myself in my head about turning down exactly what I’ve asked for and now have a lot of regret over the whole situation and do a lot of ‘What if?’ in my head.
I know the Universe is abundant and awesome, but I’m really having a hard time dropping the feelings of regret over saying no to exactly what I asked for, and fear that an opportunity like that won’t show up again because I was such a jerk in turning down the first one! Please help!”
Dear Awesome Melissa,
Yep, you’re screwed. The Universe only ever gives you one shot at happiness. If you aren’t a gracious receiver of your gift, you will hurt its wittle feewings, and it will stomp off into the night like a sullen teenager who’s just declared all adults to be idiots, never to grace you with its kindness again. Like with first impressions, you only get one chance. And apparently, you just blew yours.
That, in case you missed it, was sarcasm.
Why we say no
We’ll get into the question of just how many shots at happiness you’re allowed later, but first, let’s break down some basics.
You never say no to an opportunity without having a reason. Contrary to what your cruel brain likes to tell you, you are not some self-sabotaging moron, incapable of making sound decisions. You ALWAYS have your reasons for making a decision. ALWAYS.
The question is, are those reasons serving you, or do you want to change them?
Exactly what you wanted?
One of the reasons we say no is when something feels like settling. Yes, this job opportunity sounded great. But it wasn’t perfect, was it? It was only nearly so. You said the wage made you nervous. That doesn’t sound perfect to me. Perhaps this is just the closest you’ve ever come to the perfect job, and even though you said no in the moment, you are now second guessing that decision. Wouldn’t it have been better to just take it? After all, what are the chances that another job like that will EVER come along, right? Well, you tell me. What are the chances that you’ll be willing to line up with the perfect job? Because that’s all this depends on…
Not being willing to settle for less than what you want is a good thing. Far too many people will say yes to and stay in situations that make them uncomfortable because there are SOME good qualities involved. Because, apparently, you only get to have so much good stuff before you become a greedy, greedy, bastard. So take your almost perfect job and shut up already! At least, that’s the belief that’s still floating around out there. Of course, that belief doesn’t serve us and doesn’t feel good.
All that’s happened is that you’re beating up on yourself for not being willing to put up with a situation that made you nervous. In other words, a part of you thinks that you shouldn’t have listened to your inner guidance, to your emotional feedback system. That part of you is an asshole. And wrong. Don’t listen to her. I hear she drinks…
When a situation feels off to you, it’s CORRECT to stop and think for a moment. Blindly saying yes to anything that looks even remotely good, even though it comes with baggage, is the equivalent of going out with a douchebag because he’s good looking. Oh man, you want to show up at your High School reunion with that guy on your arm! So what if he’s rude to the waiter, can’t hold a conversation about anything other than Monster Truck Rallies, makes fun of your thighs and not so subtly suggests that you should take that pole dancing class, snicker, snicker? It’s worth it, right? Right??
Nope. It’s never worth it. Stop settling and stop feeling guilty for not settling. It’s called having standards. You should be proud of yourself for having them.
But, what if you were just afraid?
Of course, it’s also possible that this job would’ve made you deliriously happy, but that you were simply afraid. Were you more worried about your current boss’ feelings than your own? Were you willing to sacrifice your own happiness for hers? If so, you’re not alone. A lot of good people prioritize other people’s feelings over their own. This, I’m sorry to tell you, never leads to happiness. Not for the one who sacrificed and not for the person who was sacrificed for.
You’re not responsible for how others feel. You can’t be. You can’t manifest in their reality. This is not to say that you should run around smacking people in the face and then declare that if they experienced pain, you had nothing to do with that. But not because they wouldn’t have actually manifested that pain (they would have). You shouldn’t do that because you don’t want to.
The light worker’s dilemma
Little side note (because this question comes up so much…): So often, when I’m teaching someone to take care of themselves and honor their own feelings, they get concerned that this will make them a douchebag. “If I don’t care about other people’s feelings anymore, won’t that make me a bad person?” This is the light worker’s dilemma. You’d rather sacrifice yourself than be a bad person. Fair enough.
Only, respecting yourself is a long way from stabbing people in the eye with a salad fork. I’m not saying you can’t care about people, just don’t care about them more than you care about YOU. That’s all. They can be a close second, if you want. And honestly, if you’re worried about being a douchebag, you’re not one. Period. All you’re really doing is allowing others to take care of themselves while you take care of you, instead of you taking care of everyone (which comes from a belief that they can’t, which is kind of condescending if you think about it), while NO ONE takes care of you. This is not a sustainable arrangement.
So, when I tell someone to focus on their own happiness and stop feeling responsible for how others feel, and they ask me “So, you’re saying that I should just go out and kill people and steal and abuse kittens?”, my answer is always: “Is that what would make you really happy?”. Because, of course, the answer to that is always “no.” No one is going to go and do that stuff from a place of true happiness. People do that kind of thing from a place of pain. So, actually, if we were to all respect our emotions, it would lead to a huge decrease in douchebaggery. Think about THAT the next time you feel guilty for setting a boundary…
Either way, now what?
Whether you declined that job offer because it wasn’t quite right or because of fear, your reaction should pretty much be the same (hint: it does not include you beating up on yourself!) In either case, there’s more vibrational aligning to be done.
So, the salary wasn’t quite right. No problem. Just add that to the list of things you want! Augment your visualizations (if you visualize), and begin to focus on a job that has all the elements you’re already a match to (bravo!), PLUS a kick ass salary that you’re excited about. Why should you have to sacrifice financial joy to have a great job? Isn’t the salary part of the job?
If you realize that you said no to this job out of concern for your current boss’ feelings, then you have some shifting to do there. The section about the Lightworker’s Dilemma should help you gain a new perspective. For what it’s worth, what I feel from you indicates that you are not afraid, but looking for reasons to justify why you didn’t take the job. The only justification you need is that it didn’t feel quite right. You honored your emotional feedback, and you should be proud of that.
Either way, you said no because something was off. It wasn’t yet perfectly aligned. All you have to do now is to decide what you didn’t yet like about this situation and what you want instead. Then, focus on that. Exclusively.
How many chances to do you get?
You really have to stop thinking of the Universe (or God, or whatever term you’re using) as a person, especially a snippy, insecure one. The mechanism of the Law of Attraction is really much more like a machine, like a computer. Open up a word processing document. Now hit “Enter”. Does the cursor move down a line? It sure does. Now, how many times can you hit “Enter” before the computer throws a hissy fit and stops responding because, obviously, you’ve failed to properly appreciate its efforts? How many times can you backspace or delete entire paragraphs before the software says “Nope! I’m not doing this anymore! You should’ve thought about what you want to write before you got here. You only get so many chances at this. And you’re done, goddammit!”
Are you starting to get the picture? You’re never going to run out of chances. You’re never going to be in a position where you can’t manifest what you want. That option is always available to you.
HOWEVER… you will not get the job you want while beating the crap out of yourself. In fact, that’s how you manifest a shitty, shitty job. Sound familiar? Hmmmm?
The right way to respond
Once you’ve realized what it was that bothered you and given yourself full permission to be bothered by it (it’s ok to want a good salary, and it’s ok to want your boss to be happy), and once you’ve used that information to focus on what you want instead (a good salary, the understanding that your boss is responsible for her own happiness, is a powerful creator and will be fine without you), focus on that. In the case of your boss, even though you can’t make how you feel dependent on how she feels, you can certainly bring yourself relief by imagining her being totally happy for you and ok with your decision.
The next step is to realize that this was a precursor; a manifestation designed to show you where your vibration is at, so you can fine tune it and line up with what you REALLY want. Precursors are often awesome, but just a little off. Many people either try to settle for precursors, or think something has gone horribly wrong when it doesn’t come to fruition. Think of a precursor as a mock up. It’s the Universe saying “Like this?”, and you get to make more changes. It’s not the final product and it was never meant to be.
When a precursor has come and gone (because they never stick around; “This design mock-up will self-destruct in 3…2…1…”), what you want to do is look forward to the real thing. Fine tune your vibration and get ready for some good shit to flow into your experience. After all, if this amazing job was just the sample, then what must the final product be like? Even better! That’s what.
The only thing that went wrong here is that you decided the mock up was the real thing, and then you killed your vibration with doubt and self-flagellation. So, you pooped all over your vibration. Stop doing that. You didn’t miss the boat. You didn’t miss your chance. You didn’t screw it up. You just misinterpreted what happened, that’s all.
It’s like you wanted to take a bus to Disney Land, but it was so crowded that you couldn’t comfortably fit. And then, in the 5 minutes before the next bus came, you started to scream and cry because you somehow decided that you now can’t get to Disney Land at all. And if you work yourself into a big enough tizzy, you may even miss the next couple of busses. You just won’t notice them what with all the bitching and wailing. But once you’ve calmed down, you’ll eventually see that the busses come every 5 minutes. And they never stop. You can wait for the right one, the comfy one with air conditioning and a friendly driver and a free seat for you.
Of course, some people will miss that first bus, get upset and go home for a few years. The busses still come, but they don’t even bother looking for them. They’ve decided that there is no bus and there is no Disney Land. Don’t be that person. Stand at the bus stop and look forward to the ride. Look forward to the perfect bus. Decide what you want your bus to look like and what amenities will make the ride really pleasant for you. Then, don’t settle for anything less.
It isn’t just possible for you to get what you want, you are here to get what you want. It’s part of the construct, part of the design. It’s a given. You can have what you want. You can receive the reality you’ve always dreamed of. You deserve it. You’re worthy of it. You WILL get what you want. All you have to do is let it in. The Universe will be ready for you whenever you finally decide to do that.
I’m so glad I remembered this post and thought of looking it up. I had an interview yesterday and a good chunk of the job duties would have involved writing (copywriting, blog posting, etc.) which is what I love to do and want to do. The hourly pay wasn’t bad (this was for a 3 month contract/part-time job which had strong potential to become full-time by next year.) The guy I would have been reported to liked me and seemed impressed with the writing sample I had submitted (which they asked for after reviewing my resume and cover letter.) I’ve been unemployed since February and my unemployment ran out a couple of weeks ago so I kept thinking “well, maybe I should take this because I could use the money and want to keep putting something in my savings account.”
However, I couldn’t sleep last night because a few things bothered me. The company only had 10 people working for it, has been in business for 10 years and hasn’t really grown at all in all that time. They provide a kind of luxury service that only a select demographic can afford. Most of the writing would involve newsletters…and newsletters…and more newsletters to their current contact list. They want to hit people twice a week with their newsletter, which is overkill for such a niche service that most of these people really would only use once or twice a year. But what bothered me the most was the location of the office building…on an airport…and the building itself; this old dump where the only stairways/doors were at the entrances on either end. It seemed unsafe to me; I’d be nervous walking out alone the side door at night. There was also no scenic place to take walks during lunch hour; something I really enjoyed during my last job. Their office was pathetically small and cramped; felt claustrophobic and the CEO locks himself away in the office next door that he shares with another company. There were no windows to any of the office entrances which was just really creepy.
Even though the hours were flexible and there was an option to work from home it just didn’t feel right. So I sent the hiring manager an email this morning thanking him but that after thinking it over, it was not the right fit for me.
And I also discovered a wish list I had made out for what I wanted in a job that was saved on my computer, and here’s the interesting thing…I didn’t list anything about company size or what the working environment and surroundings would look like. I guess I need to fine-tune my list! Anyways this was long-winded but thank you once again, Melody. I feel like this was definitely a pre-cursor to the real thing.
I love this post. It is possible to get past limiting beliefs.
I have come back to this post to feel better about some of my ‘decisions’ when I was younger. I was quite troubled as a young person and given my experiences, I know that I probably turned down some great options because on an unconscious level ‘happy’ felt unfamiliar, and I was scared of what that would be like, while choosing to do things ‘the hard way’. Now I look back it’s hard not to regret some of the choices I turned down (i.e. some really lovely guys who fancied me), but I guess I always made the right decisions, since I wasn’t ready for the good stuff and would have mucked it up anyway. It’s been interesting to see how my perspective has changed since I have grown over the years and the choices I make directly relate to how good I feel about myself and life.
Firstly, I want to thank you Melody for all your writings. I really enjoy reading all your posts and try to apply them in my life as much as possible. On your recommendation I followed your liver detox protocols- Master Cleanse and Liver Flush, also.
Now I have lately been feeling repentance off and on for having dumped or rejected a relationship/ marriage offer last year. These days i am working on not feeling repentance.
My question relates to the same situation.
Using the example of the bus, my question is when I do manage to wait and the next bus does arrive and I am double thoughts about whether to take this bus or not merely because there is only one seat in the bus which is next to someone who probably looks unhiegenic to me. In other words a seat I would usually not prefer. But the bus will still take me to the destination and I would have a seat too. There is a possibility that this person could be of help to me on a project I’m currently working on- relating to the poor and unhiegenic people, may be. In these circumstances If I decide to enter in this bus- would it still be settling? Or should I keep trying till I manifest another bus which has a seat next to a person I would approve of.
Please answer this considering it is a major decision in life like- marriage. Arranged marriage with a nice guy who seems right, however his widowed father stays with him like 8 months a year which leaves us with little privacy and gives him scope of interference. (To clarify- I belong to a community where we have arranged marriages).
”If I decide to enter in this bus- would it still be settling? Or should I keep trying till I manifest another bus which has a seat next to a person I would approve of.”
How does it feel?
Does it feel good to get on the bus? Then you’re in alignment.
Does it not feel good? Then you’re out of alignment.
Focus on feeling good and being in alignment, and your emotions will help guide you to what you want.
And as Bashar says, follow your highest excitement.
Bashar – Acting on Your Excitement
Bashar: Formula of Acting on Your Highest Excitement
I believe happiness is a choice and an ongoing decision. What I consider something which will make me happy today, may be insignificant if you are diagnosed with an illness or lose someone special.
Great article and I will be back to read more
The part of us that “thinks that you shouldn’t have listened to your inner guidance, to your emotional feedback system. That part of you is an asshole. And wrong. Don’t listen to her. I hear she drinks…” is this the part based on the concept of what others call the devil? This thought just came to me. Just wondering.
Hi Guys, this is not really related to the post but I really need some support from the LOA community. I posted before about my husband’s business going down the gurgler. I have been meditating and raising my vibration around money every single day for THREE months (which is the longest time I have ever done anything :o)) and was feeling great, in spite of setbacks I remained positive. I had every details of my new wealthy life visualised – the house the holidays, the freedom from money worries. I thought I had released everything and was in the void as I felt I could let go and let things happen. Well now we have had ANOTHER blow and it feels as things are just going the OTHER way. Things are getting dire and we may have to move to a tiny place and cut costs. It’s hard to stay in a good feeling when we’ve had so many difficult years and the universe keeps kicking us when we’re down. I can’t continue focus on feeling abundance when I have to focus on finding a SMALLER place to live. Do you think this is resistance? I just can’t believe things are WORSE than when I started using LOA in my favour. How do I release this resistance? I just want to cry it’s all so frustrating and I feel like giving LOA the finger.
Hi A. I do not have any suggestions now about how to release your resistance right now, but I want to say I am sending you light and understanding. And, if this helps, I am confident you will get through this, even though at this moment you do not know how it will happen.
I, too send live and light your way, A. There is a reason for everything. This may be a turning point leading to a new chapter. Just one aspect if what may be going on. most had written before about things going to hell is several posts. I am not able to find all of them but you can do a search if you would like.
I did here this recently. We go through hell to become unstoppable. This certainly resonates with me and rings true. Once you go through it, nothing phases you. You can carry on without any fear or worry, knowing that everything will be ok. You also appreciate everything more and do not take it for granted. Just something I learned along the way.
Oops. Lots of typos because I’m on the smartphone but hopefully it makes sense, if read at all.
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply Just Call Me A and John. I think the good energy you sent my way helped.
I was actually inspired to re-read some of Melody’s relevant posts, and had a think about it.
First, I thought I had better calm the f**k down and stop panicking about living in our car or a park bench. I did a search for some smaller houses and there are a few, in the area I want, that aren’t too bad (some actually quite nice) and they take pets. This place is a too big for us anyway, and if we pay less rent I can relax about money a bit. A smaller place won’t be as much to clean so I have more time to work on my writing/art. So I got into a good feeling place about that and realised it’s not so bad.
Then I wrote down my resistant thoughts – why do other people have so much money and I have to struggle? what is going wrong?? why is this so f***ing hard ??? why me?? and let those bad feelings thoughts go and replaced them with some better feeling ones. I too will be one of those rich people soon so there’s no reason to hate them – I am one of them! And Bingo! I feel good again! Thanks guys!!!
PS. if you read this Melody – am I doing it right?? (and thanks for giving me permission to swear/curse/use bad words!!)
Hi A. It sounds to me that you are on the right path! You are finding ways to feel better and that is the most important thing you can do! Yay!
Yay! Here is a song for you dear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXL65Nd_O1o
It is very LOA. And lots of people think so from the number of views. Enjoy!
So…me again. I don’t get what is happening! I felt good about the whole moving thing and we actually found a place and it was nice and I was in a really good place about moving. It all felt really good and I thought this was the Universe’s way of getting me to release resistance and get me to the big money. So then what happens – it fell through. The landlord changed his mind. It’s no so much that there is nothing out there and all of them are horrible, it’s like the Universe is deliberately going out of its way to make things hard for me, when I am trying so so hard to feel good about things and wasn’t doing too bad a job. Now I feel like crap again. AArrrggghhh!!!!! I GIVE UP!!!!
This is good from Bashar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY8DsEIUqHU
I hope you are in the state to really hear it. But maybe now you won’t hear anything; you are just falling out of the airplane. Hopefully you will be able to hear it soon.
My sister’s house deal fell through as well, but she and her husband have unfinished business in the city where they live. I was making plans for visiting and everything.
All I can tell you is to relax. I mean, really relax. Like Frankie said. I remember that from childhood. chill. It is the best thing. Even if you give up, fine do that, but relax.
That is all I have for you. Maybe someone else will add something. But that is all I have. Namaste.
P.S. this one is good too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ4T_Mp1xmE
Noticed it when viewing the previous video. When checking out videos, look for similar ones that may apply on the page. Most people do not, that is why I am sending this, in case you missed it, but it is a good practice to have. Just saying.
I do not have anything to add beyond what Just call me A. has sent to you. I agree with her to “relax, really relax.” “Even if you give up, fine do that, but relax.”
I remember what my wife (who is now in Nonphysical and sending me messages on a regular basis) told me after we met, liked each other and started dating. She said that shortly before we met she said to herself, somewhat out of frustration ” I really do not care if I ever meet the right man.” Not long after that I showed up.
My wife was a teacher of creative visualization,but even she had many frustrations along the way to manifesting things that were really important to her.
I know it feels hard now, but I really do feel that you will get through this! RELAX and hang in there! I know you do not know how it will work out, but I believe strongly that it will. And you do not need to know the how. The Universe can figure out the how if you can find a way to relax and get out of the way
I want to add that I am very much aware from your postings that it may well be very hard for you to relax and chill, and just “give up and let the universe handle it.” But that really is what you need to do. If you can find a way to relax and trust that everything will be okay, maybe not in the way that you anticipate, but that something will show up, then that frees up your vibration for the universe to bring it to you.
In the past I have soothed myself by making a list of all the ways that things have worked out for me in my life, on all subjects. I do my best to not think about things that have not worked out and I certainly do not put those things on my list. If it is not something that I feel worked out for me then it does not go on the list. And I go back as far in my life as I can remember, even to kindergarten, well before I had ever heard the term “you create your reality” of “law of attraction.”
And I make the list as long as possible and try to get lost in the pleasure of remembering how things did work out and how many things have worked out for me in my life. The things can be small or large. Sometimes when I sit down to write such a list, it might be slow going at first, but if I stick with it for a while the energy of “things that worked out for me” builds on itself and I think of things I had long forgotten.
Hang in there!
Thanks guys, your comments really help. I feel as though this is a bit of a roller coaster. Yesterday I had a really good cry and let myself be depressed and grumpy about it and I got a nice headache to top it all off so I drank lots of water. My husband found some more houses for us to look at that we hadn’t noticed before. Are we even supposed to be moving? I don’t know. I slept for 9.5 hours last night and woke up feeling good again. Well more optimistic anyway, things aren’t ALL that bad after all.
It’s funny John how you said about your wife giving up on finding you. I did the same thing before I met my husband. I got so tired of waiting I remember making plans to live the rest of my life alone and join a bridge club for social stimulation! Then I met him because I took the focus off looking for him. So I guess this is all releasing resistance and I have to trust the process. I wanted the energy to be shaken up and so it is.
P.P.S. Haha! I am glad we helped! I am glad you felt all those things and asked those questions.
Before I met my husband, I was totally living it up, but no one approved at all, believe it or not. I had quantity not quality, but saw that there was nothing wrong with that. I decided and declared, to the core of my being, that I did not care anymore, I let go completely of getting hitched, I agreed with my Inner being that it would be okay, I was not going to be bothered by what the others said about meeting one guy the one week and another the next. I accepted this way of living and found nothing wrong with it, but most importantly let go, relaxed, chilled, was cool about it and enjoyed, and viola.
Thank you! Just Call Me A, I hadn’t heard of this “Bashar” before, but as with everything on the internet now, the information was at my fingertips. Very interesting! I am always skeptical of channellers until they resonate with me very strongly. I will listen to more of his videos.
Actually today after I did my Five Tibetans and meditated on my desires (as I have been doing for months) I felt even better, a real internal buzzing and a high, and I feel that everything is coming as it should. I wandered around the shops and imagined vividly myself buying everything I wanted, even more so than I could before. So I guess I have to release any expectations of what is to happen, keep feeling good and it will all unfold. I will update you as to what finally happens! Thank you so much!
It sounds like you are getting there. Sometimes it can feel like three steps forward and two steps back but you are still making progress. I am very glad to hear that you are feeling better about stuff and that your husband found some other houses. It is very interesting that “giving up” worked for you just as it did for my wife. Thanks for sharing that.
Also, please excuse my addressing you as Kristen in my last two responses. I had been exchanging posts with “Kristen” in this same comment section, and I was obviously not completed focused when I responded to you.
Wow! That letting go thing really does work! Thanks, Just call me A, for sharing your experience!
Thank you John and A.
A, I was skeptical of channellers too; I find that they parallel what the yogi masters and Jesus said and they resonate with me, though. They are essentially reiterating some stuff and some universal principles/information we simply forget being caught up in society and our lives and the life society wants us to live, at least that is how I feel. So, of course do not listen if it does not resonate with you. Also, masters communicate with other beings as well, according to accounts I have read. Jesus spoke of the world not seen, the non-physical. He also spoke of being your own person and not blindly following the crowd. It makes sense to me.
We should not give our power away. We need to be reminded of this. We allow others to take over. This can all be changed if we do not give power to those who take it from us. It is the belief that brings about what you see, not the other way around.
John, yes it really does work. The point is not to worry to death about stuff. When in that state, you are dying and not living. You are pinched off of source energy and wilting away, spiritually and physically even. When you feel good and not care, you are more connected to source, actually. This is very powerful. Source eventually takes care of everything.
To whomever is interested in this topic, being impatient for something to happen, etc, this Bashar piece should help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0QsBddOPAE
Do not think of the channelling and all that. If you hear the actual message, it makes sense.
I ran across this article on another LOA website and I thought it may be helpful to you now, or in the future. I have never used the method of “giving thanks in advance” but it seems like a good concept to me. I will file this away for my own use.
How awesome! That was great! It is the letter to the universe, but in advance. How appropriate!
One thing I would like to add that helps tremendously and I have also seen work wonders is the Gratitude App for the iphone. You download it for free and you write what you appreciate. If you do not appreciate in a span of three days, it sends you a reminder to do so, and share the awesomeness and greatness of the universe.
I am glad you like the article, Just call me A! Thanks for the tip about the Gratitude App. If I ever decide to get an iphone, or even another type of smart phone, I will give it a try!
Hi Just call me A:
Thanks for the link to the Bashar video about impatience. I found it very useful and entertaining!
“The Kybalion” is also a useful text that summarizes a lot of the stuff we have been speaking about and putting into practice. And the original is free for the Kindle on Amazon.
Thank you, Just call me A!
Love this post! Not only great advice, but great laughs too.
I have two questions (well, I have hundreds of questions, but two immediate ones). The first is, what if the most awesome job comes along and it’s not that you choose not to do it, it doesn’t happen for you. Say the agent decides you are not suitable – when you know you are! Is that the same sort of thing? You are not lined up with it yet? And I have to wonder why the universe needs to show you something to ask if that is what you really want, surely the universe knows even better than you do?
Secondly, how do you know if your list of desired aspects are based on your real desire or based on limiting beliefs. Say, for example, you make a list of the totally most awesome guy for you. You put down the dark hair and the gorgeousness and how rich he is. You believe that this is because this is what turns you on, but actually it is all based on the desire to show your ex that you can totally get someone so much better? Sometimes it is easy for us to see this sort of thing in friends’ behaviour, but not our own. So how do you know which it is?
”what if the most awesome job comes along and it’s not that you choose not to do it, it doesn’t happen for you. Say the agent decides you are not suitable – when you know you are! Is that the same sort of thing? You are not lined up with it yet?”
You are either not aligned up with yet, and/or the Universe has something better in store.
Just continue to focus on what you want and feel good.
”And I have to wonder why the universe needs to show you something to ask if that is what you really want, surely the universe knows even better than you do?”
The Universe takes its cues from you.
Have you ever tried something, thinking you’d really like it, only to find after one or two times you didn’t want to do it anymore?
Like an art class, an instrument, or another hobby, for example.
At first, you think it’s great, so the Universe shows you some things related to that. Then you try it, dip your feet in the water, and you find out, “You know, that sounded a lot more fun than it actually is.”
So there’s no reason to give you a full-blown scenario if you’re not sure that’s what you really want, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to handle it or enjoy it.
So, it’s not so much the Universe asking if you are ready, but you asking the Universe to show you pieces to make sure you are ready, and that you appreciate the process of closing the gap to receiving what you want.
“how do you know if your list of desired aspects are based on your real desire or based on limiting beliefs.”
How does it feel?
If it feels good, you’re in alignment with Source and your Higher Self.
If it does not feel good, it’s a limiting belief.
“You put down the dark hair and the gorgeousness and how rich he is. You believe that this is because this is what turns you on, but actually it is all based on the desire to show your ex that you can totally get someone so much better? Sometimes it is easy for us to see this sort of thing in friends’ behaviour, but not our own. So how do you know which it is?”
You learn through life experience. You learn by sifting through contrast.
You begin where you are, and then lets say you attract that man. Only to find out 3 months later, you have other desires to be with someone who is more a vibrational match to the real you. Then you simply focus on what you now what.
That’s the never-ending process and discovery of you, your desires and what you want.
And that’s fun =)
Wow, great reply. Especially this: “So, it’s not so much the Universe asking if you are ready, but you asking the Universe to show you pieces to make sure you are ready, and that you appreciate the process of closing the gap to receiving what you want.” What a lovely explanation.
With the last bit, I think the point is more that you end up not attracting that man because you are actually not a match to what you ‘think’ you want. So you end up alone, not realising that your focus is the resistance because you think it is ‘want’. I have noticed this in someone else and I realised that it is easier to see it in someone else, but not so much in ourselves.
“So you end up alone…”
Just for clarification, you end up single, not alone.
You can be single and not be alone. Even if you are currently not in a romantic relationship, you can still have a lot of loving, fulfilling relationships in your life, including the loving, fulfilling relationship you have with yourself.
“I have noticed this in someone else and I realized that it is easier to see it in someone else, but not so much in ourselves.”
That’s simply a limiting belief.
You can replace that limiting belief with a more empowering one if you want.
“I appreciate that I am now much better and getting better everyday at seeing it in myself. I can see it just as easily in myself as I can in others.”
Brilliant, thank you!
What if you’re ultimate dream job is something you don’t yet have this skills for? I just started in my profession and need a lot of training, experience, etc before I can leap into starting my own wellness center. Plus I don’t want to do it where I’m
Currently living. So in that case, everything is going to feel like settling in some way because lining up with what a want is going to be a few years’ process and if I don’t take the jobs in between now and then I won’t ever move forward…
Hi Kristen. This is my perspective on your post.
The best way to bring ourselves into alignment with something we desire is to focus on what we want and why we want it and to stay away from the “how will it get here” until we can focus on the “how” and feel good about it. If we focus on the “how” and find ourselves feeling any negative emotion at all, that just creates resistance that slows down our progress toward where we want to be.
In your post, you listed a lot of reasons why you cannot get to where you want to be and that just slows you down. I am also on a journey of moving toward a goal I really really want and I find myself constantly having to remind myself that I will not get to where I want to be by focusing on the reasons I cannot get there.
I recommend you look for ways to feel good about where you are in relation to where you want to be. Find small things and milk those. Give yourself permission to bask gloriously in those small things and stay with that feeling for as long as you can, days, weeks, months, as long as you can focus on the thing and still feel good.
If you find yourself feeling stuck and unable to find small things to focus on, then back up and be as general as you need to be to feel good. Make a list of positive aspects about yourself and your life in general and milk those for all they are worth.
You will not get to where you want to be by focusing on not being there. You need to find a way to feel good about where you are in relation to where you want to be. Go as slowly as you need to go, find small things to appreciate, always remembering to back up to looking at things from a general viewpoint, to a point where you can feel good about what you are thinking about.
We can always find things about ourselves and our lives to feel good about, if we slow down, take the time, and, yes approach it from an aspect of fun and joy.
We came here to have fun and to find joy, and if we cannot find a way to be joyful on our journey, we will not be joyful when we get there. We cannot get it wrong and we never get it done, because we are eternal beings who decided to come here to have fun and experience joy.
This process is not easy, at least not for me. Sometimes I think it is easy for folks like Melody, but she has been working in this area intensely for a long time. I am still not where I want to be (see what I did?; I just negated my current reality) and I am coming more and more to realize that the only way to get to where I want to be is to be amazingly happy with where I am and move step by happy step to the next amazing place I want to be.
I hope this helps.
This is helpful! Thank you for posting. I tend to wobble a lot myself on getting to where I want to go. I am appreciative and enjoy what I am doing, but then I am like “when I get there.” Just a few minutes ago, I reminded myself to enjoy the first two and leave the third to the Universe and forget about it myself. As long as I am learning, enjoying and feeling good, then I am doing my job; that what is required of me. The rest will come to me like other things did.
When I wobble, negative statements come to mind from others, not me. Those are the vibrations of others, indicating where they are at vibrationally, not me. Hard to deal with this one and tune it out.
Hi Just call me A:
I am very glad my post was helpful to you! I appreciate hearing from other people who are on the same journey as me, and what things/thoughts/feelings they use to navigate their journey.
I can identify with your statement that negative statements come to mind when you wobble. For me, the negative things/feeling/statements that put resistance on my path are usually my own thoughts about judgments I think others might be having about me, which usually have absolutely nothing to do with how the other person is actually feeling about me.
Of course, knowing how the other person is feeling about me is none of my business and never helpful in getting where I want to be.
Exactly!!! So, then, why do we do that?????????? It is annoying. It is from our conditioning, which is so damn deep, it takes lots of practice and reading and re-reading and more practicing to get there. It helps to be in a community like this one, of course. Thank you.
I find the exchanges in the online community to be enormously helpful! Especially when it seems that the person I am exchanging comments with has had or is having similar experiences with their journey, which seems to be the case with our exchanges. I am doing coaching with Melody, and, of course, she is incredibly helpful! Thanks.
Thanks so much for taking time to so thoroughly respond to my post! Given your explanation, I think maybe I wasn’t super clear in what I was asking, so I will elaborate. I tend to operate the way you are suggesting, leaving the “how” as a no no and just focusing on the what and working through the resistance as it pops up. So let me put this in terms of energy.. for me, I put my focus on my end goal which is owning my own practice and operating a wellness center (boy does that feel good!). I expect that along the way more and more opportunities will come along that nudge me toward that goal. I will receive my training, my salary will increase, I will find my niche and unique passions within the field (energy work anyone?! yeah!) and I will eventually realize the equivalent (or better) of what that wellness center represents to me (freedom, fulfillment, expertise, empowerment, joy, etc.) and maybe even the thing itself.
I cannot expect to open the wellness center now, for example, because I do not have the skills yet to do so. That doesn’t mean I think negatively about that, its just an acceptance of where I’m currently at and a knowing that I will continue to move forward. When I said that “Everything is going to feel like settling” at this point, what I mean is that my currently reality isn’t going to yet feel AS GOOD as that end goal, because I’m still gaining skills and releasing resistance along the way, so day by day it’s getting better and better.
Let me make this more concrete – my starting point now is that I work in a clinic, make a part time salary and live in a city I want to move out of next year. There are lots of things I like about where I am that I acknowledge. As I continue letting go of my resistance, I have come to more and more opportunities. In my opinion, it would feel BAD to NOT take something that felt like the “next step” even if it weren’t yet “perfect” because I know I’m getting CLOSER every time I do. I think Melody’s post was really applicable if you’re doing fine tuning, but right now I’m doing BIG tuning, so each new opportunity, while it isn’t yet the perfect representation of how my vision feels, it’s closer. I found a place to live in a city that feels better. I have manifested more and more clients I can actually help and have a great space to do so. I have manifested training opportunities. I have manifested like-minded people who share my vision. I have manifested signs that a full-time position is coming, but if I just sat around visualizing until I was actually at my wellness center and never taking opportunities along the way, that wouldn’t feel good to me, that would feel like staying stuck, trapped, and so on.
Does that make anymore sense?
I am going to wait until I have more time to attempt a detailed answer for you. For now, I will say I do not think you need to hold off from doing anything which feels like the next step toward your vision. As long as it resonates with where you are now (if it feels to you like a step toward your vision), then do it!
Hi again, Kristen!
I have read Melody’s post again, and your two comments and I think I understand what you are asking: As applied to your individual situation do LOA principles say you need to hold off from taking action and continue visualizing until your vision of owning and operating a wellness center shows up full blown and ready to go?
The answer is clearly no.
Somewhere recently (it may have been in one of the coaching calls Melody offers for sale every week) Melody used to term “bread crumbs” to refer to people, things, events, thoughts, etc., that the universe (or source or your higher self or whatever name you wish to use) brings into our reality, in response to our vibration, to help us get to where we want to be.
I view the “smaller” actions you are taking in that same light. Although your actions could probably be described as bigger than “bread crumbs” they are steps along the way to where you want to be.
Plus, as you said, sitting around visualizing until you were actually at the center does not feel good to you and that would mess up your vibration. Responding to and employing the opportunities you have manifested brings you step by step into alignment with your vision, as long as doing this continues to feel good along the way.
As long as your “smaller” actions feel aligned with your vision, I think you are on the right track.
Does that help?
Wow I really needed this. I need to read this post over and over until it fully sinks in. There are no words to describe how badly I needed to read this. Everytime I start to feel lost, you shine a bright light that helps me find my way. Thank you so much for this!
Huge hugs and loves to you Melody, and everyone here! 🙂
Awesome expression of spiritual and LOA principles, as usual!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! “you will hurt its wittle feewings” – FABULOUS!
You are the MASTER of sarcasm. You should teach that too 😀
(you know, in your spare time)
Loved this one! Answers a lot of questions for those of us who torture ourselves with things like this and just about everything else. So, the Universe also offers precursors, huh? How fantastic is that? what an awesome Universe it is!
This is unrelated but I was wondering if you could do a post about suicide; the spiritual consequences of those who commit suicide, if the afterlife experience is different for those who commit suicide etc. I love your website btw!
I think this post by Melody from August, 2012, will answer your question.
Okay I checked it out, thanks!
Funny enough, I’m headed to Disneyland on Saturday. Oh, the magnificent churros I will consume!
So, here’s a question that kind of piggy backs on the mock-up manifestation. You’re saying that the Universe is willing to show you where you’re standing vibrationally by giving you almost, kinda what you want, but not the full monty. So, does the exact opposite hold true as well; you can be shown EXACTLY what you are meant to have, but it’s just out of reach for the moment? In both instances you’d be shown what your trajectory is. I know the Universe isn’t an evil, carrot dangling sadist. So, what gives? Is it always a case of following the crumb trail to the cake, or do you think we sometimes get a glimpse of the actual cake itself as a motivator?
LOL “That part of you is an asshole. And wrong. Don’t listen to her. I hear she drinks…”
That is soooo funny….I can’t stop laughing.
I have been turning down opportunities lately, stuff I have done in the past, that would be “good” to do, but that really are not what I want. I have bigger fish to free (vegetarian so no frying in my house:). This confirms I am on the right track. Thanks!
yes! I am in same situation, and love how the you universe shows us where our vibrations are at! After making a list of my ideal job, got 1 interview and an offer in a week…however it was off on two points – no flexible hours like I want and a requirement to work every second weekend, not what I want. In other points-just what I wanted,including the pay!!. So I guess I have to align with the belief that flexible hours do exist, plus no weekend work!!I love it though that I am finally aligned to the pay I want(big change from last year!!!)
Ugh. My brain is fried today.
Thank you for this Melanie. I’ve been looking for a bridge job. I’ve seen openings that were close but no cigar, positions that I really wanted that I never heard back from and everything in between. I keep wondering what I’m doing “wrong.” Thanks for putting it into perspective.
Lol@ “Nope! I’m not doing this anymore! You should’ve thought about what you want to write before you got here. You only get so many chances at this. And you’re done, goddammit!”