Awesome Bee asks: “Do you have any tips on how to keep calm when you’ve manifested massive change in your life?
I made the inspired decision to quit my job recently after remaining stagnant in its dead-end-ness for so long, and have since been invited to lots of interviews for new jobs that feel really good but I seem to panic a lot at that last hurdle, when everything is happening all at once and it’s so great but so much rapid change and upheaval, it’s just made me a little stressed, almost in a good way, but also ‘new’ and chaotic, I’m sure you know what I mean. Any advice on how to calm one’s jets when they’ve finally got a fire burnin’?”
Dear Awesome Bee,
Thanks so much for your wonderful question.
As people start to apply this stuff, they invariably start to freak out when stuff starts to shift in their reality, almost as if they weren’t really expecting this shit to work… *le sigh*
But here’s the thing: it really does work. This energy stuff is REAL. And when you finally apply it correctly, when you finally start to shift your vibration FIRST, meaning you’re willing to feel better first instead of asking the outside to shift first so you can feel better, your physical reality really does start to morph. And this can be crazy scary for most people.
Why we’re so afraid of change
Why are we so afraid of change, though? Why do we freak out the second something starts to leave or even come into our reality? Isn’t this what we asked for, after all? Well, yes, it is, but that doesn’t mean that we trust it.
We’ve been trained, since birth (and actually before, as vibrations are picked up even in utero), to trust the bad, unwanted stuff more than the good, wanted stuff. In other words, we expect shit to go wrong; we don’t really expect it to go right.
When you focus on something, you get more of it. That’s what the Law of Attraction is all about. So, when you focus on something you don’t want, the idea that things will turn out badly, for example, you actually begin to manifest that unwanted scenario – things don’t work out. Now, if you don’t know that this is how it works, you won’t make the correlation between what you focused on and what actually happened.
On top of that, there’s this pervasive belief that the way to solve a problem is to obsess over it and do our best to solve it logically. So, when we begin to focus on what we want and an unwanted element pops up (like a fear), we tend to run after that fear in the hopes that we can track it down and kill it. Only, that’s not how it works. Our attention to the fear, and our willingness to believe that it’s valid (“It’s totally possible that I won’t get what I want”), actually starts to line us up with the outcome that we’re afraid of.
Now, most of us will have had several experiences in our lives when we discovered something wanted (like a new job), went for it (focused on it and maybe even took some inspired action), brought up a fear (remember that limiting beliefs are obstacles that pop up when you focus on whatever those beliefs are blocking), and then focused on that fear as though it’s outcome was a real possibility. By doing so, we derailed our manifestation and went off on a fear tangent – instead of getting that awesome new job, for example, everything went sour.
We observe this progression and conclude that this is how it is – the Universe waives what we want in front of our faces and yoinks it right out of our little hands. What a bastard! So, we don’t trust our ability to manifest. In fact, we don’t trust that things will work out for us. After all, every time we tried to change stuff in the past, it just went tits up. In other words, staying where you are is safer than change, because change inevitably means that things will get worse, not better. Or, to put it more bluntly, there’s an expectation that things can only get worse, not better. If something gets better, it’s an aberration, a fluke, or due to luck, and you can’t count on luck.
It’s all about focus
This isn’t how it actually works, though. Change is not automatically bad. Whether or not something changes for the better or worse is dependent on only one thing: our vibration. Where are we putting our focus? What are we actually manifesting?
The problem with the way we’ve traditionally viewed change is that it’s based on a complete and total misunderstanding of how reality actually works. If you fear change, you
- Believe that you have no actual power over your reality. Stuff just happens to you and maybe there’s some rhyme and reason to it, but it’s certainly not within your control
- Don’t understand that your focus is a powerful creation tool, and by wielding it incorrectly, you’re actually attracting what you don’t want to you
- See the world as a predominantly hostile and negative place
- Think the purpose of life is to survive (not thrive)
- Believe that problems must be solved by you, with your own two hands, and the way to do that is to dissect the problem into itty bitty details until you somehow come up with the solution
- Think you’re in this alone, all by yourself, and it’s all up to you
In short, you can’t actually believe that you create and receive your own reality and also be afraid of change. When you truly understand how manifestations happen, that it’s a logical progression of events based on what frequency you are activating with your focus, you can’t be afraid that stuff will just randomly go wrong. Either you control your reality or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways.
How to keep from freaking out
That being said, the beliefs that reality is hostile and random don’t just generally disappear overnight. As I said, we’ve all gathered a buttload of evidence that things tend to go wrong. We have to be willing to gather some evidence that things go our way before our belief can completely shift. So, in the meantime, here’s how to keep from freaking out when your reality begins to change.
Study how it actually works – I’ve come to believe that the more you understand the mechanism, the easier it is to keep your cool when stuff starts to morph. That’s why I spend so much time explaining how it works. When you understand the construct, it’s easier to see the correlation between what you did with your energy and what manifested. When you don’t have any kind of understanding of the mechanism, life seems random and dangerous (because you’ll tend to focus on the negative). You can’t really yield your power until you know that you have it.
Think of this way: if you were a Neanderthal and suddenly came across a car, you would have no idea what it was or how it worked. If you saw someone driving a car, you’d think it was magic. You wouldn’t understand that the person behind the wheel had control. You might even think that it was an animal, and you’d expect it to try and eat you. Without an understanding of how it worked, you’d come to all kinds of faulty conclusions. You certainly wouldn’t be able to benefit from the car. It would seem scary and dangerous. Kind of how most people see reality today…
Expect change to be good – Cultivate a positive expectation when it comes to change. Remind yourself frequently that change, in and of itself, is not bad. It’s actually neutral. When things change, they can change for the better or worse. Why not expect things to go well? If change is making you uncomfortable, it’s only because you’re expecting it to go badly. Counteract these thoughts by imagining things going your way.
Don’t micromanage the process – I can’t stress this enough. If you have a specific expectation of what “success” has to look like, you’re bound to be disappointed the second any detail of what’s manifesting doesn’t match that expectation. This doesn’t mean that anything has gone wrong. Your manifestations will never look exactly as you determined they have to. If you’re aligned with what you want, they’ll be exponentially better. But if you insist that something has to look exactly the way you decreed, and then it doesn’t, you’ll almost always decide that something has gone wrong and you’ll focus on that. And guess what will begin manifesting the second you do that? Stuff that proves to you that something has gone wrong, at which point you’ll declare “I knew it!”, because it so perfectly fulfilled your expectation.
Be open to manifestations that FEEL the way you want them to, but which could look totally different from what you imagined. Don’t worry. You’ll get what you want. Remember that what you can imagine is only the bare minimum of what could manifest, as far as the Universe is concerned. Let your manifestation be all it can be, and stop trying to micromanage. You’ll only muck things up.
Don’t try to make quantum leaps – Ok, so this advice is a little bit late for Awesome Bee, but if you can help it, don’t take action that leaves you without a safety net. It’s not that quitting your job when you don’t yet have a new one is wrong, it’s just that it definitely increases your tendency to freak out. Suddenly, those fears become a real possibility, whereas having a plan B, or doing things more incrementally, allows you to soothe yourself more easily.
If, however, you’ve already made the leap, or if you insist that you want to, then you’d better bring the trust. In other words, remind yourself a lot (A LOT) that things are working out for you, that you are getting what you want, and that change is good. Be really disciplined about imagining what you want instead of what you don’t want. If you’re going to leap, you just can’t afford to be lazy with your focus.
Remember that you’re getting what you asked for – And finally, remember that you did ask for it. The whole reason you started to do this work was because you wanted stuff to change. Well, you can’t ask for change and freak out when you actually get it. Change does not mean that things are going south. It means you’re getting what you wanted! Remind yourself of that frequently. It’ll help.
Just about everyone freaks out when they begin to get what they want. It’s part of the shift out of the old belief system (powerlessness) into the new one (empowerment). As your trust deepens, and this happens over time, you’ll have less and less of a tendency to go off the deep end. Change will become exciting, something to celebrate. You’ll automatically see it as a sign that things are going your way, that what you want is manifesting, rather than the opposite. Keep up the work and it will get easier over time. And before you know it, you’ll be asking me to help you slow down your manifestations, because you’ll be drowning in awesomeness. Ha.
I LOVE your posts ! they’ve actually brought me back from the brinks of some major existential crisis ( whats the plural of crisis?) that keep cropping up now and then. they give me hope, plain and simple ! 🙂
its just, I always manifest stuff (the good stuff I mean )accidentally, when im not even thinking about it. the things I DO want I NEVER get !
why why why???
Hey Chocolate Factory worker,
“I always manifest stuff (the good stuff I mean) accidentally, when im not even thinking about it. the things I DO want I NEVER get !”
When you don’t think about some things you want, you are offering no resistance to them coming, and so you allow them to come.
When you think about other things you want that do not come, it is because when you think thoughts about them, you are more focused on the lack of absence of them in your life (which introduces resistance) rather than feeling the presence of them in your life. You have been giving more attention to the lack of what is, and so you continue to receive that. You want to begin shifting your focus off of what is, and focus on what you want. And then, what you will be in a good-feeling state of allowing what you want to be realized by you.
thanks a ton for taking the time out to reply !
I do try to internalize all the theoretical stuff, but its tougher to do it in real life ! (sigh !)
ok wait..is tht a limiting belief in itself? that this is difficult?
this stuff is sooooo down the frikkin rabbit hole I tell yu !
“is that a limiting belief in itself? that this is difficult?”
How does that feel when you think about it?
Limiting beliefs do not feel good.
Empowering beliefs do feel good.
well, to be honest….it dosent NOT feel good. it feels spacey, like it gives me time to adapt to new situations and ease into them.
I am relatively new to the LOA and love your insight! It is most definitely true that we have been fed years and years of limiting beliefs and that takes time to detach ourselves from. I have a daily inner conflict focusing on that which I want and being patient and allowing it to manifest as well as holding on the belief that it will. I am someone who is result orientated and to add more salt to the wound, I am in a position now that I am desperate to get a source of income coming in.
I find your site very uplifting and couraging. It is extremely helpfull to read about real “examples” and solutions. I have purchased many books, and programs all of which give you a glance to the understanding and want to sell you more. There is one free ebook that I read in addition to yours that I found helpful for someone who is struggling to understand the Law of Attraction and it can be found at http://www.realizingthesuccessfulyou.com.
I look forward to further exploring your site and receiving updates!
“… we have been fed years and years of limiting beliefs and that takes time to detach ourselves from.”
Believing it takes time to detach yourself from a limiting belief is a limiting belief within itself. It does not need to take time to replace limiting beliefs with better feelings ones, it can be a very quick and easy process. And if you feel it needs to takes longer, then understand that is your process, it is okay, and to enjoy the process.
“… being patient…”
This Bashar video can help. It talks about why you hold on to limiting beliefs and that you do not need patience.
Remember, the only reason anyone wants anything is they believe they will feel better in the having of it. And, you can feel better now, without needing the physical manifestation. You can create the emotional manifestation now, which is the only reason you want the physical manifestation anyway. And when you have the emotions you prefer to feel, then you are enjoying the moment so much that you no longer feel you need to be patient, because you’re enjoying being present.
Thank you so much for the video link. I am extremely rigid in my thought process and I am struggling with “allowing” through which ever avenue the universe wants to use. I need to allow myself to let go of the reins. It is confusing though because I need to be financially successful and I need my business to do well but I have to be okay if the universe sends “success” through a different conduit.
I used to feel Melody through her Blog Posts.
I can’t feel her anymore.
She also no longer respond to blog post comments and questions.
Don’t know if she is writing this particular post or not.
here’s my take on change.
we don’t just manifest what we want, we manifest who we are.
who we are = emotional energy beings.
we are born, start making emotional bonds to everything around us until we die.
physically bonds with something or someone feels nice.
Emotionally bond with someone make us feel happy.
physically and emotionally bond with someone make us feel alive.
if we drop all emotional bonds to the surrounding environment and the people in it, we don’t feel alive anymore. Life doesn’t seem worth living any more.
Focus less on what we want short term and more on what we need long term.
so go out there and start getting attached to positive things and positive people
(you wouldn’t like to attach yourself to negative people and negative things, would you?)
As always I love your posts, they always make me laugh while getting to the root of the issue. Love your response to Bee, and how you explained that we all get a little scared when things start to go our way, it’s that ol’ negative inner voice saying, this is too good to be true! If we just keeping focusing on what we want with unwavering faith it will come to pass, the Law of Attraction is absolute. I know that I still have to watch myself even though I am an avid user of the LOA, but each day I am getting better and better. Thank you for the lovely post.
This post is a little late for me, however, I kind of discovered it for myself. Recently I posted somewhere else that we had to move to a smaller house due to having LESS money after I had tried to manifest MORE money. I was struggling to find a positive, I freaked out, and I just felt crappy about the whole thing so I let it get me down for a while. Then once we moved, it dawned on me that it was actually a good thing. There is less cleaning to do, the location is great and closer to places we frequent, it has a nice feel, it’s a lovely area, the neighbours are friendly (and non existent on one side – quiet!). Also I happened to discover raw eating, I have embraced it and feel fantastic. So even though I didn’t exactly get what I asked for (yet) I get the feeling that this is all raising my vibration so that I am a match to more money. Plus I got bonuses along the way. So I am definitely learning to trust change – whether on the surface it looks like what I want or not.
“And before you know it, you’ll be asking me to help you slow down your manifestations, because you’ll be drowning in awesomeness.”
I can’t wait until I have that problem. LOL!
I’ve always welcomed change. My parents divorced when I was 6. Due to the fact that my dad and I were not close at all, I was one of the few kids who felt relief when they divorced. That change flipped my life upside down completely, but it was very, VERY GOOD! So I guess that event was the catalyst for me in welcoming change as a good thing.
It can be easy to forget that we are always on our path no matter what – awake or still asleep. It’s just so much more fun when you’re awake! 🙂
I try to remind myself as often as possible that everything is happening FOR me, instead of TO me. Changing that one word in that sentence helps a lot.
Hey! Check this out …
Melody wrote, “You can’t really yield your power until you know that you have it.”
I thought hmm, she probably meant “wield” not “yield”. Then I thought some more …
Definitions for “yield”:
To admit to be true
To allow, permit
Huh! Maybe she really does mean we have to yield (to) our power — as in knowing the Truth of it and allowing and permitting it to be so.
Read: Drop the resistance and get out of your own way 🙂
Interesting! 😀 – or maybe it’s just me 😉
Great article melody, it’s true that most of the people are so afraid to change because they think (what will happen it…..) Our universe is very powerful, whatever we ask we will definitively receive. Only we need to have a positive belief that we will get and the universe will provide you. Thank you and keep writing good and knowledgeable post 🙂
I am so profoundly happy to read this… You know I saw Melody’s email yesterday in my inbox and could not read it… Then today I scrolled back through my emails to reach out for this Master Piece and as I read it, I am proud that I got the complete value for my time invested in reading it…
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you… All the best 🙂
I love this blog, read nearly all the posts over the past year and have benefited greatly from Melody’s work. This comment may seem quite negative, but I’m just going to be honest about how I’m feeling. Right now I feel seriously stuck, fearful and have been for nearly a year and a half. I can’t seem to get myself to take action in attaining my desires…I find myself sabotaging things all the time.
I want to be a singer…to be a great singer, well-known and loved around the world creating beautiful, creative uplifting music that takes people to another place, out of this world, somewhere divine, heaven. However, I can’t seem to persist in taking the steps to get there. I don’t even sing every day, and when I force myself to, it lasts for about a few days, often feels forced and difficult, and I tire easily. Right now, the idea of performing live still scares me, though the desire is very, very strong and I would love to be doing that, thinking about it lights me up inside. I have a lot of fear of giving less than decent performances because in the past, I have performed and did not do so well vocally (a lot of anxiety and tension.) Even while recording alone on the computer I tend to tense up and anxiety creeps in. Nevertheless I want to enjoy singing and creating. I want to be singing and writing a lot, progressing in my career, making videos, collaborating, doing live shows, feeling that wonderful, passionate aliveness that comes with expression and performing. I want to be performing large shows, get a record deal, create wonderful albums and spread music to millions throughout the world, uplift and inspire people. I don’t even know what it will sound like yet, but I can feel it.
I also want to be a fashion/beauty model, another dream I’ve had for a long time but feel stalled in. For several years, I have been sending out photos to agencies, asking for advice, and have even been able to get agency appointments but have been rejected or things have not worked out…every time. The issue is that my height is around 3 cm below minimum fashion requirements, and I’m am afraid that I don’t have the right look/not beautiful/striking enough. I have been able to do some smaller photo shoots and projects independently, but I would like to be booking larger-scale, more serious paid work. But now I feel too old with my age (yes, 21 is quite old to be signed as a new face to an agency…) and feeling stressed because it seems that time is running out. And money.
It’s difficult to stay positive when I feel that there is a lot of negative emotion that wants to come out. I really have no idea how to get out of this cycle, to get the ball moving, to be living the life I truly want. To get out of the space of imagining/dreaming and be concretely living my dreams and thriving. I have spent much of the time of 2013-14 inundating myself with LOA/personal development/spirituality materials, though often over thinking things and becoming “hooked” to new information…but not taking the action. I feel like I really sabotage myself when it comes to really taking action towards my desires. When I do, resistance just slams me in the face, things go wrong, it feels hard and forced. I keep holding myself back, and it seems that no matter how hard I try, in moving from fantasy to real life with these greatest desires I keep blocking myself. I’ve tried and persisted a lot with learning LOA, changing beliefs, shifting incrementally, etc…often I don’t end up persisting long enough because it’s so frustrating.
Recently, I’ve begun reading “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne and practicing gratitude has made me feel more peaceful and content. Sometimes I just want to give up these desires and just go with the flow, sleep a lot, and let life lead me instead of efforting to bring them into reality…but even when I “surrender”, they come back. :/
How do I stop once and for all, get out of my head, and moving to where I want to be?
I have been in a very similar situation. I was in a horrible place, then LOA found me which led to Melody’s blog. After reading and participating in the conversations here, which have helped tremendously, and receiving guidance from Melody, my tune intrinsically changed and things started to morph. It is great that you are inundating yourself which the principles, and you are right, there comes a point you must apply them.
You just have to keep going. No matter what. Keep feeling good, keep being grateful. Appreciate everything. Stay away from situations that bring you down. It is for your own good.
I have mentioned before that the gratitude app does wonders. Things manifest through that. Also, the commentary here and on LOA forums help tremendously as well. Post more often. You will see that just by posting, regardless of whether or not you receive a response, you will not only feel better, but you put your concerns out there and the high vibe of the forum will help the universe work on your problems and you will start seeing changes. They will be small at first, but they are manifestations. Make it a priority to feel good. Just for being alive. This is I think one of the fundamentals.
It is okay if you do not agree with me. just adding my 2 cents and giving some tips and contributing to the high vibe and feeling good so tomorrow will be great! It is all a processes that builds on itself you see.
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it! I’m going to look at downloading the Gratitude App and posting more. You’re right, very much so, after writing everything down and posting on here, I did feel better! And I have already attracted some other forms of help (even if they seem “small”, I do feel better than before. :o) )
I think the problem is that you keep focusing on the opposite of what you want, more so than what you actually do. I think the urge to just let go is a cry for peace from within, because you’re becoming so stressed out over your goals. You’re focusing on your perceived disadvantages and road blocks and not enough on the good, what makes your dreams possible for you! A lot of your attention is being placed outside of yourself, at the “mirror” instead of the person whose in front of it. What we see outside of ourselves is only going to be a reflection of what’s within, and we have full control over what’s within us, meaning that the outer world can change if we allow it. When you look at it that way getting caught up in what’s in front of you can very much keep you in the “same place”, and I say that with quotations because as Melody has said, reality is not static. However we can just keep manifesting the same circumstances giving the impression that we’re at a standstill. Anyway, as for action, if it feels pushed and forced, it’s not inspired. You’re not aligned with what you want in that case. Also, try sticking with one or two sources of information to avoid overwhelm. And considering how you’re so frustrated by your resistance, it’s very likely that you’re fighting with it and giving your power away to it, rather than allowing it and managing it in more gentle ways that don’t stress you out. The idea that you’re running out of time (which doesn’t even have to be a factor unless you believe that it is), may be making you approach everything with pushing and forcing… beliefs, action, singing, modeling. This may be one way you are sabotaging yourself. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming, when you take the time to visualize and feel what you want, you ARE doing something. When you shift your energy, you can literally feel energy moving and shifting around you too- this is something I’ve experienced for quite a long time and a manifestation often follows WITH the energy shift. So yes, something is happening and it’s important to take the time to line up your energy. How? Feel good. You don’t even have to think about the specific dream, just feel good. If you want to rest, then do it, because maybe you should calm down and give yourself a break. Stop scrambling for a minute. Do something slow-paced and fun. If your mind keeps telling you how you’re running out of time (which again doesn’t have to be true), tell yourself that feeling good is really important, physically, mentally and vibrationally, and that feeling good will help you align with what you want. I hope you find this helpful. BTW, along with Melody’s awesome blog, loareport.com is a pretty good website. It’s literally one page and a really thorough guide about LOA. But like I said, try to keep it simple. If it overwhelms you to have too many sources of info, consider dropping some. Oh and I apologize for this big wall of text, I typed this on a tablet.
Thank you for your reply April. I looked at that website and found it very insightful, like a summary of what Melody talks about on here! I think I have been just overcomplicating it all, when really, it’s so simple to line up with what one wants…JUST FEEL GOOD. Do things that feel good, even if they don’t seem related!
Sometimes I worry a little that if I just keep doing good-feeling things, then I won’t get done what “needs” to get done, I won’t do the “important” or “big” stuff, I’ll just be playing around all the time never sitting down and getting the “real” work done (however, isn’t that what we should be going for? Playing and feeling good all the time? :p ) Or I worry that whenever my mood takes a slight dip, I’ll be messing up momentum and will be holding myself from the abundance flow…so I tell myself that feeling good most of the time, as much as I can, is what allows the positive manifestations and to just follow the flow of positive energy moment to moment.
Just wanted to clarify, by “important” stuff, I meant the things that I think I need to do to get what I want, things that I think will be the quickest and easiest/most logical way to obtain these desires. Even if these actions don’t feel particularly joyful… :p
I’m reminded of something that LOA blogger Kelli Cooper has said, that logic has no place in creating your reality. We’re taught that when we want something, and Melody has said this before as well, that we should worry about it and take as much action as we possibly can. But when it comes to LOA, we know that this can hurt more than it helps. I understand that there are things you think you ‘should’ be doing, but in doing so, you’re trying to work out the ‘how’ and force your manifestation. And yes, I’d say that feeling good and playing are what we should do, because feeling good automatically brings you into alignment with what you want. It’s far from a waste of time. Also, yeah, don’t worry about feeling badly sometimes. I’ve read that you don’t have to feel good 100% of the time to manifest what you want. I think the issue arises when we don’t let the bad feelings go, so we add momentum to it and therefore keep ourselves in a low mood. Feeling bad for feeling bad can make this momentum build too. So if you just let yourself feel low, without holding onto it or worrying about it, your vibration will likely just raise up by itself. This has happened to me before too. 🙂 So yes, you’re right when you say feeling good most of the time is where it’s at. Sometimes we’re just gonna get sad, angry or frustrated and that’s okay. I’d say let yourself be called to the action you need to take, that way it’ll not only be easy, but it’ll be fun. Avoid the cycle of worrying, focusing on your disadvantages, and forcing action. Decide what you want to believe and how you want to feel, because pushing and worrying is usually how we’re taught to handle situations, but as you can see… that causes a lot of stress. Find gentler ways to address your fears and continue to feel good. 😀
Sometimes I feel a bit guilty because there are days/nights when I feel I really need a lot of sleep…as in more than 7/8 hours, and I feel like I’m wasting my life away and just being lazy by sleeping so much! It’s not all the time, but there have been many instances of this. I then feel guiltier, because isn’t sleep an indication of resistance and pushing against?
Also a bit of guilt around not feeling as much of a desire to go out more like I used to. I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, in my own space and often on the computer. Just doing things like listening to music, music videos, watching animal videos and pictures, looking at beautiful pictures on tumblr, talking to friends online, reading, daydreaming, spacing out, napping, etc. I don’t even go out as much into nature and for so many walks anymore. Sometimes I fear that I may not be getting enough exercise and contact with the “outside” world, missing out, etc. But I feel fine, peaceful, good most of the time. :o)
However there are also times (including now about a “big” issue) when I feel very pressed to make a decision about something and take some type of action on it. I then feel really stressed and panic because I don’t know what to do and none of the options I know of that seem “possible” feel very good, and the ones that would be “ideal” to me seem completely out of reach. It seems that at the times when focusing on something else would be the best thing to do, it’s the most difficult! I feel a bit bad for distracting myself from “issues” when there’s a compulsion to worry and “take care” of it from a stressful place.
It seems like you judge yourself quite a bit, but I think it’d help if you were a bit more supportive and compassionate toward yourself. If you want to sleep for a long time, rather than thinking, “Oh I’m being so lazy and wasting my life away”, ask yourself, “Why do you want to sleep so often?” Try to understand why. You may just be exhausted and in need of more rest. As for sleep being an indication of resistance and pushing against… I haven’t heard of that. In fact, I’ve seen bloggers like Melody actually *suggest* taking a nap if your resistance feels way too heavy for you to work with at the moment. However, if someone uses sleep as a means to avoid their problems completely (like not willing to face them at all), they should still ask themselves why instead of criticizing themselves for doing that. I think it’s important to make certain that your self-dialog is supportive and understanding, rather than judgmental or harsh. How we speak to ourselves can really impact our mood, our actions and our confidence and self-esteem overall.
You seem to kind of get on yourself often for not doing the things you think you’re “supposed” to do, or for not feeling how you think you’re “supposed” to feel. Like I said, I think it’d be better to start to understand why you want so much more sleep, why you don’t feel like going out, etc. It may or may not even be a bad thing! Especially if you feel peaceful and good most of the time. It may have just been an action you felt inspired to take in order to feel better. But if you criticize these things, that can really slow down your progression and keep you kind of stuck in one place. It may help to start being your own “coach” or “guru”, guiding yourself and soothing your fears.
As for those “bigger” issues, it’s okay to go off for a bit and do something that makes you feel better. There’s a difference between distracting yourself for awhile, and just blatantly ignoring your problems, pretending that you’re alright and that they don’t exist. The fact that you acknowledge your issues, that you’re aware of them, means that you are not just suppressing things and are in denial. Fear and panic will definitely not help you make a decision, though. When you feel pretty good, try to approach the situation again in that state, and then see what solution feels best to you. It may not be the “ideal” one yet, but it’s okay to work your way up. You will achieve your ideal reality either way. 🙂 I remember a blog Melody wrote about her end of the year ritual, and how having a 7 figure income felt a bit “big.” She acknowledged that although that’s possible, she would go for “500k a year or higher”, because that still excited her, even if it made her feel a bit anxious. So yes, it’s okay to choose one option if another one feels out of reach for you, so as long as it actually feels better to you (because something feeling “out of reach” can feel badly anyway).
You’re very action-focused, and I think that’s fine (action is one of many tools for manifestation). But I think the reason why it tends to feel so badly for you is that it’s not inspired. The self-criticism isn’t helping much either. I know that you believe that if you don’t take any action, nothing will get done, you’ll “run out of time”, and your dreams won’t come true, but all of the uninspired action hasn’t resulted in much for you, so why not a different approach? Like thinking about what you want, or just feeling good in general, and allowing any inspiration for action to come to you, even if it seems to not be directly related to your goals? Letting yourself be called to act, allowing things to flow and fall into place? Focusing on and telling yourself why your dreams are possible for you, instead of all of the reasons why they aren’t? Actually *feeling* like things will really work out for you (instead of stress and panic, like you’re running out of time)? And when resistance comes up, not fighting with it, judging it, or feeling badly for it, but just letting those emotions come through as well? Continuing to soothe your thoughts and guide them? I know, way easier said than done, but it’s a process and if it feels good to you, I’d say go for it. It’s worth it especially if you begin to feel better.
Finally, it’s really important to keep our energy clear, because in doing so, our manifestations arrive with more ease, we can “hear” our intuition better (which includes inspiration to act) and so on. When manifestations seem slow, when we aren’t feeling very inspired and such, I think that’s when our energy is muddied up with all kinds of doubt, worry, fear and resistance.
I remember listening to an interview Melody did once, and I’ll share some notes I’d written from it. I’m not the best at explaining things, which is why I quote other people so often. Here are some points from it:
* Noticing and validating how you feel, but not feeling wrong or ashamed for feeling the way you do
* Consider what choices and solutions feel better to you, and honoring those choices. I think she said just asking yourself, “How do I feel about this issue? Which option feels better to me?” will start to move you into the direction of what you want
* Drop everyone else’s “rules” (like about what you “should” do, how you should feel, and what you should want, or what’s possible and what isn’t), decide your own and decide what really does feel best to you
* Everything around you changes to reflect what you’re doing inside of yourself. “Your physical reality must change to mirror your new vibrational set point – if you change the way that you feel, the Universe will change everything around you to bring you circumstances that feel that way, that make it easier to feel that way.”
* When you feel badly, let the nasty out (venting), then when you no longer feel triggered, think about what you want instead. Feeling really low isn’t great for analyzing or figuring things out, just to allow yourself to feel better, even if that means writing a journal to vent full of curses and capital letters. This helps me lol, and expressing everything in your first comment helped you too 🙂
Sorry for writing so much this time. I hope this helps some.
thank you so much for writing this. i find this very soothing and caring, and it really helped me feel better. please continue to write just as much 😀
Thank you April for your informative replies, they are really helpful and make me feel better. I appreciate your kind words and thoughtfulness. 🙂
It feels difficult to let go of a lot of past conditioning, “rules” about what to do and how to live, what’s socially acceptable or frowned upon, etc. Sometimes I get upset with myself for taking the “hard” path or for putting myself in situations where I feel really under pressure and stressed, or for not thriving.
However, when I drop the judgement, it feels good to just let myself be, to laugh at the situation and the silliness of it all!
What I love most about Melody’s work and the comments on these blogposts are that for the first time perhaps I felt like it was ok to admit to how I really feel and that is was ok to feel that way. That there’s no need to effort so much to block certain thoughts or feelings. A sense of validation, especially around things like “laziness”, not taking action, feeling uninspired about “working” towards certain desires in general. It feels good to *finally* let go of figuring out how, and just going with the flow and feeling good. To stop trying to control so much and figure out how to reach a certain outcome.
I found this Abraham video today on Youtube, it really reinforced the point of doing what one is drawn to rather than “should” do:
Maybe other people reading this will find it helpful also. 🙂
Hi Stardust, I know EXACTLY how you feel because I’ve been modelling on and off for the last 4 years (as a petite model as well), but my real dream and passion right now is acting.
I’ve actually managed to book some modelling things where I was a few inches below the requirement and the people didn’t even mention about my height at all…so screw the rules haha! They really have no place in manifestation if you are a vibrational match to what you want. Just think about Kate Moss, if she can do it why can’t you? There is absolutely no difference between you and her (or anyone for that matter), unless you decide that there is.
I wish that there is a PM function on this site so we can exchange emails and get in touch, because I feel that Im in the same boat as you. I am getting better and better at LOA and good things have been happening, but however I also have days when I feel like shit and like everything is stalled.
PS: you are soooo young!! I am turning 24 this year, I know lots of models/actors who are in their late 20s or 30s and still booking jobs. I know modelling has more of an age limit thing than acting/singing, but there are many types of modelling that doesn’t require you to look like a 14 year-old anorexic girl, haha!
Thanks for your reply on here and the other post, they made me feel better. 🙂 It’s nice to hear from someone who is in a similar situation with similar interests.
I just purchased and listened to the new coaching call that came out today, all about listening to intuition and quieting a busy mind. It often feels good to listen to these calls, calming and like things are going to be ok, Melody’s energy opens me up to the possibility of other solutions. However, I can never keep with doing even simple things like quieting the mind or focusing on senses and present moment for even a few minutes a day. Without being able to calm down and take a pause from the constant chatter and anxiety and fear, I feel like I will never be able to get through it. In other words, I feel like the rest of this ride is going to be really bloody and painful and difficult, no matter what I do.
You mentioned Kate Moss and others defying so-called “requirements” in modeling, and I also go searching or just come across accounts of people who are doing what I would love to do that also are a bit out of the norm for the industry (5’7″ like me or weren’t teenagers when they signed with an agency and began their careers.) This gives me hope, but also makes me feel angry sometimes because then I think why haven’t I been able to then? Why do I have so much resistance that holds me back, why can’t I seem to get over it or let go so easily?
I feel a lot of disapproval, even if often quite subtle and she says she thinks it’s fine that I do what I want, from my mother, and this hits me right in the face and brings up many insecurities. She keeps encouraging, whether directly or subtly and tries to act like she is fine about it when it’s clear that’s not true, that I take a more “safe” and “realistic” route and consider other options. She tells me that I gave a try with modeling, and because things haven’t worked out that I should focus on something else and just be happy with what I’ve done.
Furthermore she tells me to be realistic, that I’ll never become a world famous singer, that it’s just not realistic, that the industry is so difficult and that I need to be thinking more practically. Ever since I was 12 or 13 she would tell me this, and for years I kept shut and did not sing for people or do anything actively to pursue what I want at all. She has told me that I’m not good enough, not talented enough, not special/unique enough, that you just have to get lucky, be wealthy, have connections or somehow just get discovered. And then she will give me evidence of people who she knows of who are struggling with similar ambitions or who had a seemingly difficult road to achieve a modest amount of success in music.
She wants me to go back to studying, which I felt forced into, secretly HATED, wasn’t what I truly wanted to do at all, and quite frankly felt was a waste of time. I am so jealous of people who have supportive parents, who have had that encouragement to follow their dream and passions early on in life…it seems this way often for those who get really far or have a lot of success while young. Honestly I have felt really shut down by her for so long.
And even though I’m not with her right now, it seems nearly certain that I will have to go back to her soon and this stresses me out a lot. Though I love her, I don’t want to be stuck with her, I don’t want to be around that negative energy and feel really guilty, unsure of myself, and like I should give this up. :/ I deeply fear that if I see her, I would become really unstable in the positive momentum I have going and feeling even worse than I do now and before. Grr I feel a lot of anger and resentment coming up..!!
It felt good to get that out. I’m thankful for blogs like this where there are like minded people, and I can write and seek advice from people who have a broader and more freeing perspective, people who DO believe that we can live our dreams and create our own realities and who encourage and uplift.
I have the same exact problems with my mom and some family members. I have posted here about this issue before, but no one seemed to help with it, so I just let it go and every time I do that, things are taken care of and I find relief from them, they do not nag, hurt, hurl negativity and such at me. That is why I encourage posting anyway.
I know it is easier to have great family. I notice that my friends who have it together have great parents and a good relationship with them. Their parents never put them down, treat them like gold and thus, they do not have the issues I have struggled on and off with. I say this because, when I am in the vortex (which happens naturally, by the way), these people do not exist. When I am out, they make their bloody appearance, wreaking havoc and forcing me to clean up my vibe. It lasts a while, because it takes time to clean up a vibe, as you know. I keep wondering where I would be now had I not had such issues. I would own the freaking block, but I have t deal with childhood crap and my mother’s bipolar disorder that has gone undiagnosed.
Moms are the way they are. You can laugh at what they say, within you and just smile at them and hug them when they talk BS, or you can call them out on what they say and remind them that you are here one moment and out the other. We recently had a sudden death from a motorcycle accident in which my mom’s cousin’s son was killed, and I reminded her to be grateful for everything, which quieted her down for some time. The truth is my mom does not appreciate the good that life has to offer. I have no memory of her nor complaining about anything. It was me who always brought the sunshine in, who pointed out the silver linings in the clouds. She always compared mew to the children of her friends, who are nowadays not doing anything in particular, so there. Other moms would just not do that. do you see where this misery has lead? Heck I was asking people to adopt me and my mom even told me to once to look for another family to adopt me.
But, the truth is you can still own the block. you can still do what it is you want despite all that. I still have to understand this one, because i just want to go back in time and change certain things when teachers like Melody say it is not necessary and you can also tell a different story, so I have yet to get this aspect. But, there are two roads you can follow when you have such issues: one is being unstoppable. The other is allowing all that to let you go under and turn to the drink and whatnot. I suspect you belong to the former category.
to be unstoppable, masters say, you may have to go through some stuff, probably shit, but the point is it puts you in a place to be remember your own power. as for the haunting from childhood, yes, they can lead to terrible things, and I have yet top deal with those as well, but I know I won’t turn to drinking or anything like that to numb the pain, because I just won’t allow such substances from entering my body. So, My inner being has my back on that. A great sign. I also know I will live a long time and I see my mom as an example of how NOT to be and how NOT to act.
I feel much better for addressing this issue!
Hi Just Call Me A,
Thank you for your thoughtful response, it is helpful to read. Often I feel quite under pressure from my mother to do certain things/live a certain way…but I realise, more and more, that she is, though with good intention, trying to direct me towards her vision of what a “happy” or “secure” future would be for me, rather than the vision I have for myself! I know this seems obvious, but it’s an epiphany for me! When I was responding to one of her emails, something just clicked!
In one of Melody’s calls, she helps the caller recognise that her mother’s advice for her is towards security…not to her passion. And that’s why the caller must follow her own intuition, her own guidance…because only it knows the path to her joy, her passion. Her desires for herself are different from those of her mother’s for her. What her mother tells her is only a reflection of her own beliefs/vibration, since we can only perceive what we’re a match to! Therefore, when other people tell us to do something or give us advice, it can only ever be from their perspective. That’s why there can be such discord when you know in your gut something to be true, but someone else is guiding you away from it…because for them it would seem like the right choice for you. But they aren’t the one living your reality and with your inner knowing…so their following directions will never get you to where you want because they’re based on where they think you should go. (Sorry if this is written strangely!)
This clarifies things a bit for me, it’s like what all the LOA teachers and spiritual teachers, etc. were saying is REALLY true…that even people who seem to know us well do not have the true answers for us…they really are inside of us and we just have to follow our inner guidance system to come across them. I knew this at an intellectual level, but there was still a lot of hesitation on a more emotional level…well, now that is greatly lessened!
I still feel a bit insecure and confused, uncertain and unsure. At the same time, however, more confident that I’m on the right path. That even though other people may judge me and think I’m crazy, it’s because they cannot see the same possibilities that I can. This realisation gives me more confidence to go with the flow and follow my gut feeling. 🙂
Wow, it is great to connect with like-minded people on here! 😉
Also in the call, Melody mentions not listening to those with a limited perspective…if you’re going to take advice, take it from those with a more freeing perspective, one that opens you up and feels really good. Those who know the LOA (whether they call it that or not 😉 )
Well, we can’t listen to our moms can we? I wish we could, because moms are supposed to know and love their children, right? That was what got me sad. I expect my mom to know me but she does not. But why be sad? Move beyond that. Source energy is our real parent. Anyway, as we said in a class I’m taking the other day, the 10 commandments say to honor your parents. It does not state to love them. No, it does not even sound cruel, really. Civility is the best policy in some cases.
I will try to listen to this call soon. It sounds really good. thank you!!!!!!
I would love to talk to you over email if you’re interested. 🙂 If you want to talk, send a message to firstname.lastname@example.org and then I’ll tell you the email I use often. 🙂
Hope to hear from you soon!
Very good post. I can definitely see from the comments that it has benefitted many people, and I am sure eventually, I will really need to use it for myself.
This post brings up a question of my own. Maybe someone can assist.
I am in college, and I keep getting crazy papers that seem really hard. I manage to get them done every time, but not with the most positive attitude. Then, once I finish, things slow down for a bit and then eventually, the same thing happens again. I get a crazy paper, and I cannot make myself feel better about it. I cannot stop believing that it will be hard. They are not easy. I spend a lot of time on them and each session usually culminates with a headache. I have no proof in my reality that I can think of which shows that these crazy papers can be simple and I can do them with some leverage. This happened to me before college as well. It just wouldn’t happen as often. The papers were spaced out more, and I didn’t really know I could change it in any way.
The papers have deadlines, and I cannot just not do them as someone could just not clean their house because they just feel like bleck about doing it. What should I do to hault this? I know that the universe is sending me a message; you are happy when there are no crazy papers and stressed out when there are. It’s showing me that cause-effect, and I acknowledge that. But now what? How do I hault the process in it’s tracks? I feel another one coming. I’m in a slow period now, but I know there is another crazy paper creeping up on me. Got to love course syllabi.
For some reason, I feel like this is related to this post somehow and I feel inspired to ask this question. That’s why I did. Sorry if it seems like a tangent. Something is telling me however that it is not a tangent and it is somehow related.
Hi, don’t know if this will help but I’ve been in a pretty similar situation. I used to be one of those people who would always do well but it would take me weeks and weeks of nonstop work and effort to do so, and I couldn’t believe that other people could get things done so quickly and still do well. When I still had a year left to go at college I was completely bored of it and resented how much time and effort I was going to have to give up every time I got given a paper, but couldn’t give up on it because it was so drilled into me that I had to do well. Melody’s post on housework here I think actually helped me a lot to get over this, and while I didn’t come to LOVE writing essays I definitely cut the stress and effort in half.
I’d make the most of your quiet time at the moment and every time you think of your next paper looming, just start thinking things like “it’ll be easy, I’ll knock it out in a couple of hours” etc, anything that makes it feel lighter in your head. I have never actually finished an essay in a couple of hours but the knowledge that it’s possible made me feel good. If you think about it, if your essay is 3-5000 words, it is completely possible to write that amount of words in a few hours. If you visualise, imagine the finished paper and not all the thought processes you will go through to get there and know that it will soon be completed (because obviously it will be, whether you go through loads of stress or not). I find it helps as well if when you write, you format it all to look like how it will when it’s finished so you can see it more like it is already finished and not like it is a first draft making you feel like you have a looong way to go.
I think the underlying belief here, for me anyway, is that it is necessary to work really hard and invest loads of time and sacrifice fun in order to do well (and you have to do well). It’s a hard belief to give up because it feels wrong if you’re having fun instead of working, but I tried to keep remembering when I had tens of thousands of words to write that things don’t have to be hard, things can be easy, in fact if something feels like a big struggle you’re probably not going to get anywhere…if you can allow yourself to only write when you’re inspired then the results can be pretty amazing, but it does take trust in yourself which can be difficult if you feel like you should be at your desk all day. I had one paper I was sick to death of, refused to work on for weeks (because it didn’t feel good to me), then one afternoon felt like sitting down and it just flowed for hours and I got one of my highest grades on that paper.
Hope some of that helps anyway, definitely do what you can now to lighten your sense of responsibility around these papers and know that things CAN be easy, nothing has to be stressful and hard, and that you’ll get best results if you’re feeling good.
Thanks so much for the advice. For the most part, these things are what I have been trying to do. I guess I could monitor my thoughts more though and really ask myself, what if it will be easy? Whenever I find myself slipping into yucky thoughts about a paper. It’s hard though because I just do not trust that the universe could actually help me with it. I feel like, if I do not do it immediately, it will just get more difficult and the universe will never assist me because it just doesn’t work that way. Those are my yucky thoughts. I also could immediately begin to format the paper as if it is already done; putting the proper MLA heading on it at least and setting it to double space and times new roman font. Then maybe, knowing that this is done (I’m blind so I can’t see the format but I can still know it is done and have screenreading technology show me that) I will feel a bit better.
Also, any writing which I do, I could celebrate. Even writing this response here; when I finish it, I should celebrate and think of how easy writing was. Although, even though writing is not always the whole problem, research is no fun sometimes and neither is citation. Got to love it. They really need a universal format for that instead of so many different ones. And that format should be intuitive and grasped easily.
Thanks for the advice though. I really do need to try to drive my thoughts in a more positive direction. I am just so scared I will change my thoughts and nothing will change.
”I keep getting crazy papers that seem really hard.”?
You want to remember that everything in life is neutral.??
So, you are receiving papers that are not easy or hard, they are just paper (made from trees). And, you get to decide if you want to give the papers a positive or negative meaning. You get to decide and focus on them being easy or being hard.?
Also, focus on baby step beliefs. You’re trying to go from “This is crazy hard!” to “This is easy.” It’s too much of a vibrational gap. So, instead of attempting to jump from really negative to really positive, focus on bridge beliefs.?
For example, ?
“Yes, these papers can be hard, but it’s probably easier than I’m making it out to be.”?
“Previous papers have been challenging, but there were parts of doing the paper which weren’t so bad.”?
“There are actually some parts of the paper I do enjoy.”?
“It feels good when I did a good job on a paper.”?
“I like how it feels when I finish a page or finish a section of my paper. I feel I can relax.”?
General, ease, downstream thoughts will help guide you into alignment with Source. You want to focus on finding relief with where you are. And relief may not be completely positive, it could simply just be a thought that feels a little bit better than you used to feel a moment ago.?
”I manage to get them done every time, but not with the most positive attitude.”?
Since you want to do them with a positive attitude, why not simply have a positive attitude while doing them??
What is your resistance to feeling good while doing the paper??
I’ll ask it another way:?
What is the worst thing you believe would happen, if you allowed yourself to have a positive attitude while doing these papers??
”I cannot stop believing that it will be hard.”?
It can be easier to feel good and when you focus on what you want and why you want it. When you focus on the how (in this case, how is the paper going to get done), you introduce resistance.?
So, being downstream with your thoughts, what do you want??
What do you want to feel??
And, why do you want to believe the paper will be easy? ?
Why do you want to feel good when doing your paper??
Why do you want to trust that the Universe will help you??
”… I just do not trust that the universe could actually help me with it.”?
The irony is, because you have “asked” the Universe not to help you (by not allowing Source to help you), the Universe is helping and supporting you 100% by not helping you with your paper.
”I feel like, if I do not do it immediately…”?
You’re also focusing a lot on the future, and not really being present, in the here and now. You’re so focused on “What’s coming next” with your papers that your energy is split and your power that resides in now cannot be allowed to flow to its fullest potential.?
You’re so afraid of the future, you’re not allowing yourself to really live in the present.?
”I really do need to try to drive my thoughts in a more positive direction. I am just so scared I will change my thoughts and nothing will change.”?
You touched on a limiting belief you have. You have a belief that says,?
“Even though I say I want to have a positive attitude when doing my papers, I believe that if I do, nothing will change and my papers will not get done.?
Since I do not believe I can be positive AND productive, I actually prefer to be negative and use efforting and upstream thoughts, because that is the only and/or most efficient way I will get my papers done. So, it feels better to be negative, rather than positive, when doing my papers.”?
Thanks for the response. I got to say, you are great at making your points here. Maybe I will be that good at making points when my next paper comes along haha.
“General, ease, downstream thoughts will help guide you into alignment with Source. You want to focus on finding relief with where you are. And relief may not be completely positive, it could simply just be a thought that feels a little bit better than you used to feel a moment ago.?”
Very interesting that you state that. This is because I believe I finally found the answer to something that has been tripping me up for a while; how come Melody says to visualize all this awesomeness, but then she says that you also have to move so progressively? Which is it, do we go all out or do we move progressively?
And I have just realized it is actually both. I just figured out that there are two “parts” to this work; actually aligning with the next reality, and making peace with the present. Asking all of the positive “what if” questions and visualizing does the first part. Moving up the vibrational ladder and moving progressively may assist with the second part. I never thought of it like that before today when I had an encounter with brainwave entrainment.
I did a meditation with some brainwave entrainment today. I wanted to try out this system; I have always been interested in how technology can help us raise our vibrations and just make us feel better. So I turned this file on, and I was having some weird thoughts going through my head. My most memorable random thought happened when I was starting to feel cold and I only had probably about a minute and a half left. Something in my head said, “if you sit here for just five more minutes and have hypothermia, you might be…” And then I felt this jolt of electricity thing come through my body. The best metaphor I have for this is when you wake up from a dream, and you are wide awake for some reason but do not know why. And then I heard a voice say in my head that “you have to both align with the future and make peace with the present.”
So you’re right. I need to work more on finding relief now, while also continuing to visualize awesomeness. And that has been tripping me up for quite some time. Now, I think I may have solved it. At least I hope I have…
“Since I do not believe I can be positive AND productive, I actually prefer to be negative and use efforting and upstream thoughts, because that is the only and/or most efficient way I will get my papers done. So, it feels better to be negative, rather than positive, when doing my papers.”
Yep. That’s it; that’s been the belief I have been holding. If that statement was on a survey and then you had to choose whether you strongly agree, agree, are neutral, disagree, or strongly disagree, I would pick strongly agree. And I would click it like fourteen times.
Thanks again for your response here. I am so appreciative of the supportive community which we have here.
What do you mean a “bridge belief”? What is that? Also, what do you mean by general, ease and downstream thoughts can help guide me to Source.
I believe I’ve manifested some big changes, but now it seems like it stopped and there’s silence. I can’t connect to Source because I have some resistance. When I saw you writing down Moving Meta’s quotes, they are helpful. But, whenever I try to do that and try to give a response/answer to my questions, they seem to just run on and on. yeah, like a really bad run on sentence. I’m currently not working and looking for a full time job. Having a lot of time on your hands can make a sane person go bananas. On one hand, I know that I will be working again, but I want a career change. So some of the beliefs are that I have to take a pay cut, will I find something I enjoy, will I have an awesome boss who will train and mentor me, etc. How do I find something when I don’t know what I want? When I write a response, I find a possible reason to be, “well, it hasn’t happened before. How can I feel this feeling if I never had this before?”
You mentioned to focus on what I want (a job that I’ve been wanting since July) and why I want it. I want to feel productive, abundant, supported, mentored and enjoying myself. I understand that when you focus on the “how”, you get in trouble. I get that, but it’s difficult to not get involved and let go of the “how” when you need to pay your bills and put food on the table. I’m open to any ideas. thanks
“What do you mean a ‘bridge belief’? What is that?
A bridge belief is where when you have a current limiting belief, and want to believe something else, but that belief is too much of a leap, or gap, from where you currently are. So, let’s say you have a belief, “I don’t have enough money” and you go, okay I’ll just start believing, “I have plenty of money.” If you feel resistance towards the belief you prefer, it is because you’re trying to jump too far with your beliefs. So, you use bridge beliefs to help get you to where you want to be.
So, for example, “I don’t have plenty of money.”
Here are some bridge beliefs:
“I don’t have plenty of money, but I do have some money.”
“It feels good when I do focus on the money that I do have.”
“I guess when I really think about it, I am able to afford some of things that I like.”
“Even though I would like more money, I have been able to take care of myself with what I do have.”
“The money I do have does help me, and I appreciate what I do have.”
“I am good at finding deals, so my money does go farther than I have given it credit for.”
By this point, by focusing on bridging your thoughts and beliefs, you’re much closer to (and have more access to thoughts of) being a vibrational match to “plenty of money” than you were before.
It’s like a staircase. When you’re at the bottom, you don’t try to jump straight to the top (even though that’s were you want to be), you go up one, or two steps at a time. You move up one step, and then you have access to the next step, and the next step, and the next until you are able to easily step right to the top, where you want to be. You gradually move yourself up, with gradually more empowering, good-feeling beliefs, making it easier to believe in what you want.
“what do you mean by general, ease and downstream thoughts can help guide me to Source.”
It is easier to feel good when you focus on general thoughts rather than specifics. When you focus on specifics when you’re not ready for them, you just introduce resistance and you do not feel good.
A general thought, “I want to feel ease. I want to feel good. I want to feel fun.”
A specific thought, “I want X amount of money in my bank. I want this, but how can I afford it?” “I want this job/relationship, but it’s not happening. I need this specific job or relationship so I can feel good.”
The general thoughts feel like ease and downstream, like a river. It’s going with the flow, it feels good, it feels like ease (because it is focusing on a thought that Source does think).
The specific thought can be hitting an issue head-on when you haven’t gotten into alignment first, and so it does not feel good to think about. They are upstream thoughts, going against the current, against the natural flow because they are focused on lack (and focused on a thought that Source doesn’t think.)
“I believe I’ve manifested some big changes, but now it seems like it stopped and there’s silence.”
When you focus on what-is, notice nothing is happening, you are creating more of the same (i.e. nothing happening) because you believe nothing is happening. You have been offering a vibration based on the lack of what-is, instead of based on what you want. You want to take your focus off of what-is, and begin shifting your focus to what you want.
“I can’t connect to Source because I have some resistance.”
You can always connect (and are connected to) to Source, it’s just that you are not allowing yourself to. So, it’s understanding why you are not allowing yourself to connect to Source.
“whenever I try to do that and try to give a response/answer to my questions, they seem to just run on and on.”
So? Just because you write responses in a way you do not prefer them to be, does not mean you need to judge yourself and/or feel negative emotion because of it. It’s okay. Be easy about it. Be easier and more understanding and gentler with yourself. It’s okay. Focus on doing a little better each time you give a response. And acknowledge it. “Oh, I really appreciate how I said that. See? I am getting a little better. Good job Cissy!”
Validate yourself. Appreciate when you do things you like. Appreciate yourself when you do well. And even if you do things you don’t prefer, appreciate that as well. “I didn’t do that quite how I wanted. And that’s okay. I learned from this, and I thank that experience for helping me become more clear about what I want.” And then focus on what you want, and what you did well, instead of what you did that you didn’t like. Focus your attention on what you appreciate about you and the beauty you bring to your responses and experiences.
“So some of the beliefs are that I have to take a pay cut, will I find something I enjoy, will I have an awesome boss who will train and mentor me, etc. How do I find something when I don’t know what I want?”
You know what you do want when you know what you don’t want. So, get out a piece of paper, and on the left-hand side write at the top, “What I don’t want in a job.” And then after you write everything you can think of, then, on the right side, write at the top, “What I do want in a job” and write the positive, good feeling counterpart to each point you made on the left side.
For example: “I don’t want to be afraid about not liking my job.”
“I want to feel good about my job. I want a job I enjoy.”
“I don’t want to get a job I don’t like.” > “I want to work at a job I do like.
And, after you finish, get rid of what you don’t want and focus all your attention on the good feeling, downstream thoughts of you do want. And, if you focus on the specifics on the DO want list and they do not feel good, back up and just be general with your thoughts until you do feel good again.
You may not know specifically what you want, but, generally, you do know what you want, and knowing that is enough. For example, you may not know what you want to do specifically, but you do know you want to do something you will enjoy and have fun while doing it. So, focus on general thoughts of what you do want. You don’t need to know the specifics, Source will take care of that. Just focus on what you do know you want, and the rest will fill in.
sorry, Brian, but I’ll give you that name anyway. Thanks very much. I really enjoy your feedback. Usually, when you (me) are too close to the problem, we don’t have a good perspective on it. Thank you for explaining to me what a bridge belief it. It seems like with major beliefs, surrounding money, job, relationships, etc. there is a lot more resistance since we feel so vested in it and we want it sooo bad.
I really appreciated the part where you said “I didn’t do that quite how I wanted. And that’s okay. I learned from this, and I thank that experience for helping me become more clear about what I want.” and making peace with the process. I got a temporary job for a month, may be longer, (yippee!) a non-profit, but it kind of relates to what I want to study for graduate school and a potential sponsor for internship. While the pay is less than what I usually make, I figure i can focus on the supervisor I will be working with. She interviewed me and she seemed really nice and supportive. I got a good “vibe” from her. That’s really important to me. Also, i will be doing website maintenance! This is a good thing because I’ve always freaked out with computers so this will help me overcome my fear of that.
I would be a liar if the reduced pay is not a big deal, but I want to focus on all the good stuff right now. A job for a month, relates to my study, kind, supportive boss, close to home, chance to learn & overcome my fear of computers. So yay!
Again, thank you very much and I really appreciate you spending the time to write a response to my question. I can’t wait to get Melody’s book and manifest her coming to my city.
Cheers and big hugs,
This is exactly what I needed, just at the right moment. Thank you, Melody! 🙂
Wow! Great post. I think I need to read this everyday. Last week I was able to keep my energy and this week I gave it all away. Totally lost focus. Thank you for your blog. I has really helped me to improve. But I am still trying to not be the “crack dealer.”
I have been following your blog religiously but I am stuck at a place. I want this person who I think I love . We dated for a short while but due to my insecurities I panicked and called it off too soon. I realised I was scared so I ended things but now I feel he is the one. But like you said the more I focus on the fact that I don’t have him, i will actually drift apart from him. How do I believe that I already have him and how does that manifest into him loving me back. He claims he is disconnected from me now. I try and think positive thoughts to assure my mind that all can be same again but the fear of him not coming back keeps stalking me.
Maybe I can help you out with this. Often times, I like to write solutions out in order to help myself put it into my head, and help others. That’s why often times, college courses give you problems and you have to write what you would do to solve them. I get a lot of value from that process because it solidifies the thoughts that were in my head.
What I would suggest here is not acting as if you have the guy already. Remember, it’s not acting as if, it’s feeling as if. So how would you feel if you had the guy? And what things in your life make you feel that way already? Can you focus on things that cause you that same feeling?
Get more general. Do not focus on the specific guy, but illicit your values for a relationship and focus solely on those values. What’s important to you in a relationship? Get specific with this. Focus on those attributes of the guy you are thinking of that are positive. Visualize yourself with a guy with these attributes. Celibrate all of your friends who currently have those attributes, or if you watch a TV show, read a book about, or simply hear someone speak of people with those attributes. Those things mean you are coming closer.
It’s not acting as if, and you need to drop the attachment. Stop thinking that you know exactly what will make you happy because the universe knows better what those material things are. Know that they are on their way.
Hope this helps.
You’ve made many good points about feeling as if and writing out solutions. What if you are trying to write a solution and working on feelings of “as if”, but it doesn’t seem to work?
Like Bee, I am in a similar situation. I believe that I manifested myself out of my job. I’ve been doing it for too long and it really sucked the life out of me. I took another job that was in a similar field, and was let go. On one hand, I am relieved that I am no longer doing that type of work. However, I am all over the map as to what I want to do. While I was in these two jobs, I have been trying to manifest this job that I believe I would truly enjoy (pay, learning new stuff, benefits, etc.). It was supposed to be available in July, but it did not open. The person I would be replacing was supposed to be leaving in March of 2015, but she is not sure now. I am giving the hiring person really good advice on this position that I am working on co-creating, but “things” keep popping up. While he acknowledges that it is good advice, I feel like asking him, “Dude, then what the f*ck are you waiting for?” And I am getting frustrated and feel like banging my head.
I do understand that this is just a representation of what I feel would be a great job. Whenever I try to imagine as if, it does not work. Whenever I try to feel the feelings of it, limiting beliefs start coming up. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever (like since July) and I want to stop the feeling of “waiting”. I understand that I am manifesting these changes, but I am also freaking out as well because I feel that I can’t use it to my benefit. I know that I will find another job, but manifesting another job that is better than my last, equal or better pay, sooner than later, the job I’ve wanted since July, etc. These are the types of resistance I am scared to acknowledge that are coming up. Any ideas?
When I think about jobs that I want to do, I draw a blank. I know that Melody says to go general. But when I go general, there are aspects and feelings that I would like to have in a job, but looking on-line, it becomes a blur. And since you have a timeline on the term papers, I feel like I also have a timeline as well. I am receiving unemployment, which I am very grateful for. However, I ultimately want to be a productive, happy, shiny puppy.
Oh, and I forgot. You asked how will this cause a manifestation? Because it’s a reflection. Your vibration and your reality are literally reflections of each other. If you have a certain vibration, the elements which have the same vibration will manifest.
Think of this more as a law of vibrational reflections than a law of attraction. I find that sometimes, the attraction part trips a lot of people up. When I explain it as more of a reflection, people understand it better.
I totally agree 100% with Meta but don’t rule out that it may be him after all. A lot of LOA blogs get one depressed because you want X (that includes job) and they tell you you can’t. Focus on the feeling. If it was to be someone else that’s fine but don’t rule him out, just as Meta says focus on that. I am tired of all these teachings that just say to us you can’t have X. Check out the post on this site Attracting a Specific Person.
Sometimes we don’t get it and we fret and I think that sometimes that only makes LOA deny it to us even more. But, and this goes for a job or a house, you do find out later there are better things. Let us know how you go, just don’t rule out anything but focus on the feeling. Meta thanks for you post I needed this I am going through hell and that lifted me a bit to heaven 🙂
Hi Melody I love this blog post it resonates so much with me and is what I needed. Thank you. I only have one question how do I shift my beliefs?
I think you will find on this site tons of material that can answer that. I am in a total mess at the moment so what I do is I just simply think this is the darkness before the dawn as Florence Shovel Shinn says in her book. At least you are willing to shift even if you don’t know how, as I am. Every freaking thing this week went wrong: I have a massive mouth ulcer, my pattern came back, the person I love (yes I know I know not allowed) was seeing someone else so great hey unrequited f*****g love again, my boss is moving back to the United States from Australia after I lost my other job and my boss this year, I had a nervous breakdown and our city is under terriorist threat because of the G20 summit and yesterday some people with their heads and faces covered threw something at the train blah blah blah blah blah.
Ok so to change this – don’t know – but I am at least willing to give it a go. I think the best way is to look at this entire site I do remember something on shifting beliefs there will be tons of how to do that in other posts.
But the key thing is, be willing, think differently about the situation, yes even the big nasty things, don’t deny the sad/anger/pissed off (totally here) but consider that ok well it is temporary and we are moving towards what we want.
Although I thought I was moving towards what I want LOA punched me in the face and went no – I am very, very annoyed at this. Having said that, it’s just another thing for me to learn so I stick close to reading this site and the others’ comments for they help me. I need their help now more than ever, so I wish you well in your journey but shifting beliefs is simply looking at it differently for now even if the reality in your face tells you to be realistic and this is ‘the way it is’ because sometimes it’s not.
Thank you so much for your reply. I found an article by melody on shifting beliefs and she talked about a woman named Byron Katire who I think is amazing ???? so thank you
Sorry the ????? Was supposed to be !!!!!
Awesome Faith yes Byron’s work does help a lot. I wish you the best and hope you post again to see how you go.
Excellent post. This is not LOA-related, but I was thinking the other day how change is a constant in life, and one of the things that causes us so much suffering. So, finding ways to deal with it is certainly a great use of our time.
Your advice here is really great. One of the things that helps me is realizing that everything happening is moving me towards what I want, so I have less fear over what may transpire because I realize it’s all there to help me uncover blocks,etc… But, naturally, this way of thinking raises my vibe and the obstacles decrease.
Not micromanaging the process is so key…when we start trying to figure out how things may happen or get attached to certain things, we doom ourselves! Okay, that might be dramatic, but we definitely slow it down.
My work with LOA has really advanced, and I have reached a point where I look forward to the future with a sense of excitement; the fear creeps in sometimes, but the ratio is one I never would have thought possible years ago. So conditioned to look at the unknown as bad..you are right about that!
“But, naturally, this way of thinking raises my vibe and the obstacles decrease.”?
Nothing is ever an obstacle, as if it is blocking your path, slowing you down or preventing you from being who you want to be. Everything is a stepping stone that you have created as the path of least resistance to help you move in the direction you prefer, to allow yourself to be yourself. So, you can appreciate and validate each “obstacle” as merely a stepping stone that is helping you to move forward and discover who you are in the easiest way you believe is possible.
“So conditioned to look at the unknown as bad..”?
Here’s a video that can help (The woman he’s talking to is an actress). Watch the first 6 min. and 38 sec.
Bashar The Limbo State 14: Friends with the Unknown?
Thank you so much for the post, Melody! It was really helpful, and I just wanted you to know I’ve been to several interviews now and have been ferreting out the ones I liked and didn’t like and on Monday, I have a meeting with an employer that a friend of mine actually works for, so I feel almost guaranteed the job and am actually very excited for it 😛
Thank you melody for this,
I’ve been recently shifting many beliefs to the point where i’m freaking out! i need this and you came at the right time!