Awesome Bee asks: “Do you have any tips on how to keep calm when you’ve manifested massive change in your life?
I made the inspired decision to quit my job recently after remaining stagnant in its dead-end-ness for so long, and have since been invited to lots of interviews for new jobs that feel really good but I seem to panic a lot at that last hurdle, when everything is happening all at once and it’s so great but so much rapid change and upheaval, it’s just made me a little stressed, almost in a good way, but also ‘new’ and chaotic, I’m sure you know what I mean. Any advice on how to calm one’s jets when they’ve finally got a fire burnin’?”
Dear Awesome Bee,
Thanks so much for your wonderful question.
As people start to apply this stuff, they invariably start to freak out when stuff starts to shift in their reality, almost as if they weren’t really expecting this shit to work… *le sigh*
But here’s the thing: it really does work. This energy stuff is REAL. And when you finally apply it correctly, when you finally start to shift your vibration FIRST, meaning you’re willing to feel better first instead of asking the outside to shift first so you can feel better, your physical reality really does start to morph. And this can be crazy scary for most people.
Why we’re so afraid of change
Why are we so afraid of change, though? Why do we freak out the second something starts to leave or even come into our reality? Isn’t this what we asked for, after all? Well, yes, it is, but that doesn’t mean that we trust it.
We’ve been trained, since birth (and actually before, as vibrations are picked up even in utero), to trust the bad, unwanted stuff more than the good, wanted stuff. In other words, we expect shit to go wrong; we don’t really expect it to go right.
When you focus on something, you get more of it. That’s what the Law of Attraction is all about. So, when you focus on something you don’t want, the idea that things will turn out badly, for example, you actually begin to manifest that unwanted scenario – things don’t work out. Now, if you don’t know that this is how it works, you won’t make the correlation between what you focused on and what actually happened.
On top of that, there’s this pervasive belief that the way to solve a problem is to obsess over it and do our best to solve it logically. So, when we begin to focus on what we want and an unwanted element pops up (like a fear), we tend to run after that fear in the hopes that we can track it down and kill it. Only, that’s not how it works. Our attention to the fear, and our willingness to believe that it’s valid (“It’s totally possible that I won’t get what I want”), actually starts to line us up with the outcome that we’re afraid of.
Now, most of us will have had several experiences in our lives when we discovered something wanted (like a new job), went for it (focused on it and maybe even took some inspired action), brought up a fear (remember that limiting beliefs are obstacles that pop up when you focus on whatever those beliefs are blocking), and then focused on that fear as though it’s outcome was a real possibility. By doing so, we derailed our manifestation and went off on a fear tangent – instead of getting that awesome new job, for example, everything went sour.
We observe this progression and conclude that this is how it is – the Universe waives what we want in front of our faces and yoinks it right out of our little hands. What a bastard! So, we don’t trust our ability to manifest. In fact, we don’t trust that things will work out for us. After all, every time we tried to change stuff in the past, it just went tits up. In other words, staying where you are is safer than change, because change inevitably means that things will get worse, not better. Or, to put it more bluntly, there’s an expectation that things can only get worse, not better. If something gets better, it’s an aberration, a fluke, or due to luck, and you can’t count on luck.
It’s all about focus
This isn’t how it actually works, though. Change is not automatically bad. Whether or not something changes for the better or worse is dependent on only one thing: our vibration. Where are we putting our focus? What are we actually manifesting?
The problem with the way we’ve traditionally viewed change is that it’s based on a complete and total misunderstanding of how reality actually works. If you fear change, you
- Believe that you have no actual power over your reality. Stuff just happens to you and maybe there’s some rhyme and reason to it, but it’s certainly not within your control
- Don’t understand that your focus is a powerful creation tool, and by wielding it incorrectly, you’re actually attracting what you don’t want to you
- See the world as a predominantly hostile and negative place
- Think the purpose of life is to survive (not thrive)
- Believe that problems must be solved by you, with your own two hands, and the way to do that is to dissect the problem into itty bitty details until you somehow come up with the solution
- Think you’re in this alone, all by yourself, and it’s all up to you
In short, you can’t actually believe that you create and receive your own reality and also be afraid of change. When you truly understand how manifestations happen, that it’s a logical progression of events based on what frequency you are activating with your focus, you can’t be afraid that stuff will just randomly go wrong. Either you control your reality or you don’t. You can’t have it both ways.
How to keep from freaking out
That being said, the beliefs that reality is hostile and random don’t just generally disappear overnight. As I said, we’ve all gathered a buttload of evidence that things tend to go wrong. We have to be willing to gather some evidence that things go our way before our belief can completely shift. So, in the meantime, here’s how to keep from freaking out when your reality begins to change.
Study how it actually works – I’ve come to believe that the more you understand the mechanism, the easier it is to keep your cool when stuff starts to morph. That’s why I spend so much time explaining how it works. When you understand the construct, it’s easier to see the correlation between what you did with your energy and what manifested. When you don’t have any kind of understanding of the mechanism, life seems random and dangerous (because you’ll tend to focus on the negative). You can’t really yield your power until you know that you have it.
Think of this way: if you were a Neanderthal and suddenly came across a car, you would have no idea what it was or how it worked. If you saw someone driving a car, you’d think it was magic. You wouldn’t understand that the person behind the wheel had control. You might even think that it was an animal, and you’d expect it to try and eat you. Without an understanding of how it worked, you’d come to all kinds of faulty conclusions. You certainly wouldn’t be able to benefit from the car. It would seem scary and dangerous. Kind of how most people see reality today…
Expect change to be good – Cultivate a positive expectation when it comes to change. Remind yourself frequently that change, in and of itself, is not bad. It’s actually neutral. When things change, they can change for the better or worse. Why not expect things to go well? If change is making you uncomfortable, it’s only because you’re expecting it to go badly. Counteract these thoughts by imagining things going your way.
Don’t micromanage the process – I can’t stress this enough. If you have a specific expectation of what “success” has to look like, you’re bound to be disappointed the second any detail of what’s manifesting doesn’t match that expectation. This doesn’t mean that anything has gone wrong. Your manifestations will never look exactly as you determined they have to. If you’re aligned with what you want, they’ll be exponentially better. But if you insist that something has to look exactly the way you decreed, and then it doesn’t, you’ll almost always decide that something has gone wrong and you’ll focus on that. And guess what will begin manifesting the second you do that? Stuff that proves to you that something has gone wrong, at which point you’ll declare “I knew it!”, because it so perfectly fulfilled your expectation.
Be open to manifestations that FEEL the way you want them to, but which could look totally different from what you imagined. Don’t worry. You’ll get what you want. Remember that what you can imagine is only the bare minimum of what could manifest, as far as the Universe is concerned. Let your manifestation be all it can be, and stop trying to micromanage. You’ll only muck things up.
Don’t try to make quantum leaps – Ok, so this advice is a little bit late for Awesome Bee, but if you can help it, don’t take action that leaves you without a safety net. It’s not that quitting your job when you don’t yet have a new one is wrong, it’s just that it definitely increases your tendency to freak out. Suddenly, those fears become a real possibility, whereas having a plan B, or doing things more incrementally, allows you to soothe yourself more easily.
If, however, you’ve already made the leap, or if you insist that you want to, then you’d better bring the trust. In other words, remind yourself a lot (A LOT) that things are working out for you, that you are getting what you want, and that change is good. Be really disciplined about imagining what you want instead of what you don’t want. If you’re going to leap, you just can’t afford to be lazy with your focus.
Remember that you’re getting what you asked for – And finally, remember that you did ask for it. The whole reason you started to do this work was because you wanted stuff to change. Well, you can’t ask for change and freak out when you actually get it. Change does not mean that things are going south. It means you’re getting what you wanted! Remind yourself of that frequently. It’ll help.
Just about everyone freaks out when they begin to get what they want. It’s part of the shift out of the old belief system (powerlessness) into the new one (empowerment). As your trust deepens, and this happens over time, you’ll have less and less of a tendency to go off the deep end. Change will become exciting, something to celebrate. You’ll automatically see it as a sign that things are going your way, that what you want is manifesting, rather than the opposite. Keep up the work and it will get easier over time. And before you know it, you’ll be asking me to help you slow down your manifestations, because you’ll be drowning in awesomeness. Ha.