Awesome Mollie Player’s Burning Question: “Is it okay to gush to less happy and fulfilled friends about my wonderful life (including my success in relationships, finances, overcoming an eating disorder and–well, a whole bunch of other stuff)? Of course, my main intention in doing so is to, through continual gratitude, perpetuate more of the same in my life. My friends seem supportive and happy for me when instead of telling them about my problems I tell them about all the good stuff and it definitely uplifts me greatly to do so. However, isn’t this behavior kind of annoying, like the mom who’s always telling stories about how smart her kids are?”
Dear Awesome Mollie,
Ah yes. The old question of how to celebrate your successes without coming off like an arrogant Douche. Everyone who practices Deliberate Receiving (deliberate reality creation) is going to come up against this issue at some time or another. You want to focus on what’s going well and you understand the value of celebration, but you don’t want to be all braggy about it. You don’t want to make the people in your life resentful or uncomfortable. How can you ensure that you don’t?
Bragging vs. Celebration
In order to avoid being that douchey mom who can’t shut up about how superior her kids are, it’s first helpful to understand the energetic difference between bragging and celebrating. They’re actually completely different, vibrationally speaking.
Bragging comes from a place of insecurity. That douchey mom isn’t just appreciating her kids. She’s asking for validation. She needs you to agree that her kids are, in fact, amazing little geniuses in order to feel good about herself. She’s using her kids’ accomplishments to bolster her own flagging self-esteem, or at least she’s trying to. If her kids are awesome then she, by extension, must also be awesome. Of course, the only reason she does this is because she doesn’t actually feel that she is awesome. Quite the contrary. And no matter how accomplished her kids are, it will never truly be enough to make her feel better for more than a few minutes at a time. When she’s bragging about her kids, what she’s really saying is “I’m a good mom, right? I’m worth something, right? I’m not as worthless and broken as I feel, right? RIGHT?!” Imagine how it would feel if someone was actually saying those words to you? Exactly.
When you get annoyed with someone who is bragging, it’s usually because you feel the discord between their words and their actual vibration. They aren’t feeling any of what they’re saying. They’re pretending.
When you’re celebrating, on the other hand, you’re not faking it. You’re just genuinely sharing your joy. This will, for the most part, feel really good to people. It will feel inspirational. They’ll get happy just by listening to your happiness. They’ll be responding to your vibration, which is in alignment with Who You Really Are. The braggard, my comparison, isn’t anywhere near that alignment.
When celebration is annoying
Of course, other people’s celebration doesn’t always feel good. When someone is too stable in their negative vibration, when they’re too miserable, too far away from the high vibration of joy, your celebration will feel awful to them. All it will do is remind them of their own unhappiness. The important thing to remember is that you can’t control their reaction and you can’t be responsible for it. You can, of course, be sensitive enough not to shove your joy in their face. If someone reacts defensively to your happy shiny puppiness, just go celebrate with someone else.
If you feel the need to keep celebrating in their presence, stop and ask yourself what it is that you’re trying to accomplish? Does it annoy you that they won’t share in your joy? In that case, do you need them to validate your joy before you’re fully feeling it? Are you, in fact, not celebrating but bragging?
When someone’s celebration feels off to you, ask yourself why that is. Are they asking for your approval? If so, do you feel obligated to give it, even if you don’t want to? If the answer to this question is yes, you need to set better boundaries, and not let other people demand that you validate them at your own vibrational detriment. In other words, stop doing something that feels bad to you just to make someone else temporarily feel a bit better. You’re not actually helping them, but you are hurting yourself.
If the other person’s joy is genuine but still annoying to you, you’re probably best to just get away from them (and they from you). There’s no need to subject yourself to a vibration so much higher than yours that it will cause you pain. Work your way up the vibrational ladder incrementally. Focus on feeling better, instead of good. There’s no need to jump in the deep end of the pool. Just start in the shallow end and slowly move into deeper waters at whatever pace is comfortable for you.
You can’t control their reaction
Of course, your reaction to them, how they feel about your celebration, is entirely your manifestation. So, work through that. But remember never to take responsibility for how other people feel. That’s not within your control and really none of your business. If your genuine joy offends someone, that’s their problem. Again, you don’t have to smoosh their face in it, but don’t let their reaction bother you (if it does, the real reason that it bothered you is your manifestation).
The other thing you want to remember is that if you are truly and fully in the vibration of joy, you won’t be able to manifest anyone who won’t celebrate with you. Those people will still exist and they may even be getting annoyed by you, but you won’t be aware of them. If you are, it’s only ever because you still care what they think – you’re taking responsibility for how they feel, which is always going to feel bad. When you make how other people feel more important than how you feel, when you actually diminish your own joy so that they don’t have to feel bad, you are giving away your power. You’re saying, “I can’t feel truly good until they will feel good with me.” This doesn’t work. Just feel good and let those who want to share that feeling come to you.
You said that your friends are happy for you and uplifted by you. So, the chances are really good that you are truly celebrating and not bragging. The only limiting belief that has popped up here is the belief that you need other people’s permission to be happy, at least in a subtle way. You worry that your joy might annoy others. But be honest, do you even want to be friends with people who can’t be happy for you when things are going really well? Do you want to hang out with individuals who insist on focusing on misery instead of choosing celebration whenever possible? Do you really want to share your reality with those who need you to be miserable so they don’t have to own their shit?
Yeah… didn’t think so.
Go on and get your joy on, as long as it’s genuine. Don’t cater to those who can’t handle happiness. Just go and attract those who can. And, as a mom, wouldn’t you rather demonstrate to your kids that your emotional wellbeing doesn’t depend on anyone else? In other words, party like you just don’t care. For the children. You’re welcome.