Awesome Mollie Player’s Burning Question: “Is it okay to gush to less happy and fulfilled friends about my wonderful life (including my success in relationships, finances, overcoming an eating disorder and–well, a whole bunch of other stuff)? Of course, my main intention in doing so is to, through continual gratitude, perpetuate more of the same in my life. My friends seem supportive and happy for me when instead of telling them about my problems I tell them about all the good stuff and it definitely uplifts me greatly to do so. However, isn’t this behavior kind of annoying, like the mom who’s always telling stories about how smart her kids are?”

Dear Awesome Mollie,

Ah yes. The old question of how to celebrate your successes without coming off like an arrogant Douche. Everyone who practices Deliberate Receiving (deliberate reality creation) is going to come up against this issue at some time or another. You want to focus on what’s going well and you understand the value of celebration, but you don’t want to be all braggy about it. You don’t want to make the people in your life resentful or uncomfortable. How can you ensure that you don’t?

Bragging vs. Celebration

In order to avoid being that douchey mom who can’t shut up about how superior her kids are, it’s first helpful to understand the energetic difference between bragging and celebrating. They’re actually completely different, vibrationally speaking.

Bragging comes from a place of insecurity. That douchey mom isn’t just appreciating her kids. She’s asking for validation. She needs you to agree that her kids are, in fact, amazing little geniuses in order to feel good about herself. She’s using her kids’ accomplishments to bolster her own flagging self-esteem, or at least she’s trying to. If her kids are awesome then she, by extension, must also be awesome. Of course, the only reason she does this is because she doesn’t actually feel that she is awesome. Quite the contrary. And no matter how accomplished her kids are, it will never truly be enough to make her feel better for more than a few minutes at a time. When she’s bragging about her kids, what she’s really saying is “I’m a good mom, right? I’m worth something, right? I’m not as worthless and broken as I feel, right? RIGHT?!” Imagine how it would feel if someone was actually saying those words to you? Exactly.

When you get annoyed with someone who is bragging, it’s usually because you feel the discord between their words and their actual vibration. They aren’t feeling any of what they’re saying. They’re pretending.

When you’re celebrating, on the other hand, you’re not faking it. You’re just genuinely sharing your joy. This will, for the most part, feel really good to people. It will feel inspirational. They’ll get happy just by listening to your happiness. They’ll be responding to your vibration, which is in alignment with Who You Really Are. The braggard, my comparison, isn’t anywhere near that alignment.

When celebration is annoying

Of course, other people’s celebration doesn’t always feel good. When someone is too stable in their negative vibration, when they’re too miserable, too far away from the high vibration of joy, your celebration will feel awful to them. All it will do is remind them of their own unhappiness. The important thing to remember is that you can’t control their reaction and you can’t be responsible for it. You can, of course, be sensitive enough not to shove your joy in their face. If someone reacts defensively to your happy shiny puppiness, just go celebrate with someone else.

If you feel the need to keep celebrating in their presence, stop and ask yourself what it is that you’re trying to accomplish? Does it annoy you that they won’t share in your joy? In that case, do you need them to validate your joy before you’re fully feeling it? Are you, in fact, not celebrating but bragging?

When someone’s celebration feels off to you, ask yourself why that is. Are they asking for your approval? If so, do you feel obligated to give it, even if you don’t want to? If the answer to this question is yes, you need to set better boundaries, and not let other people demand that you validate them at your own vibrational detriment. In other words, stop doing something that feels bad to you just to make someone else temporarily feel a bit better. You’re not actually helping them, but you are hurting yourself.

If the other person’s joy is genuine but still annoying to you, you’re probably best to just get away from them (and they from you). There’s no need to subject yourself to a vibration so much higher than yours that it will cause you pain. Work your way up the vibrational ladder incrementally. Focus on feeling better, instead of good. There’s no need to jump in the deep end of the pool. Just start in the shallow end and slowly move into deeper waters at whatever pace is comfortable for you.

You can’t control their reaction

Of course, your reaction to them, how they feel about your celebration, is entirely your manifestation. So, work through that. But remember never to take responsibility for how other people feel. That’s not within your control and really none of your business. If your genuine joy offends someone, that’s their problem. Again, you don’t have to smoosh their face in it, but don’t let their reaction bother you (if it does, the real reason that it bothered you is your manifestation).

The other thing you want to remember is that if you are truly and fully in the vibration of joy, you won’t be able to manifest anyone who won’t celebrate with you. Those people will still exist and they may even be getting annoyed by you, but you won’t be aware of them. If you are, it’s only ever because you still care what they think – you’re taking responsibility for how they feel, which is always going to feel bad. When you make how other people feel more important than how you feel, when you actually diminish your own joy so that they don’t have to feel bad, you are giving away your power. You’re saying, “I can’t feel truly good until they will feel good with me.” This doesn’t work. Just feel good and let those who want to share that feeling come to you.

Bottom line

You said that your friends are happy for you and uplifted by you. So, the chances are really good that you are truly celebrating and not bragging. The only limiting belief that has popped up here is the belief that you need other people’s permission to be happy, at least in a subtle way. You worry that your joy might annoy others. But be honest, do you even want to be friends with people who can’t be happy for you when things are going really well? Do you want to hang out with individuals who insist on focusing on misery instead of choosing celebration whenever possible? Do you really want to share your reality with those who need you to be miserable so they don’t have to own their shit?

Yeah… didn’t think so.

Go on and get your joy on, as long as it’s genuine. Don’t cater to those who can’t handle happiness. Just go and attract those who can. And, as a mom, wouldn’t you rather demonstrate to your kids that your emotional wellbeing doesn’t depend on anyone else? In other words, party like you just don’t care. For the children. You’re welcome.

Other Posts You Might Like...

Access our LOA Vault!

Get instant access to all our FREE resources, including courses, workbooks and a bonus chapter for my book!

  • Awesome article.Really looking forward to reI do accept as true with all the ideas you had introduced for your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are very quick for beginners. Could you please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.

  • Hello Melody. I am aware of the bragging aspect of feeling joy, and the reactions to it that sometimes can feel unfair. I have kept it in check, and had my private joy, shared only with the universe (!). But I have had this experience several times now, since reading about and practicing LOA: It seems that on the days -or weeks or months- when I am feeling especially high on life, that I have finally gotten IT, and am reveling in the happiness and luckiness that is my life, on those particular days,-or at the end of a week of it, or a month even, I am hit with the worst: A fight with my husband, a failure at work or, after an entire summer of high, happy feeling, something terribly painful: a betrayal by a good friend. At these times I feel like I should not ride the high happiness sled of LOA but go back to being my cynical self -going along okay and just being thankful for evenness, not flying so high & happy, though it feels so good. It seems I am shot down every time. I want to believe, but why, WHY? does it feel like I am faced with these challenges just when things are going so well? Is it because I am in the strong place of dealing with/seeing them clearly?
    It’s the only thing I can come up with. You make so much sense. Can you explain this?

  • Hi Melody,

    This is a great post especially to moms out there!

    Celebrating is different from bragging and yes, I agree – we can totally sense if someone is faking it or simply honestly happy. I like the part when you say “do you even want to be friends with people who can’t be happy for you when things are going really well?” I can say that the word “bragging” is from the reaction of someone seeing people celebrating. If that person doesn’t like celebrations then he/she can say that the one celebrating is bragging. I like people who celebrates as they are living life with enthusiasm!

  • Hello Melody, (beautiful name), I want to know if you, with all your expertise, think it’s possible for one to stop their physical body, so they can re-emerge with their broader view, and from that perspective decide to return to their body WITH that broader perspective intact? Yes, I’m talking about a quantum leap! And I read your post about quantum leaps being uncomfortable. Even Abraham said “quantum leaps are uncomfortable, you don’t want one, bleh bleh bleh…”. I want to leave that notion behind and convince myself that once I’m on the other side of the quantum leap, all discomfort can be soothed away immediately! (In fact, I want to even go so far to say that once I’ve re-emerged with my broader view, that I can reach down and manipulate my comatose body, and remove negative energy and/or negative neural patterning, so when I return with my broader view, there’ll be no resistance and conflicting vibrations.) Lol the word “cant” in the context of my potential is beginning to annoy me >:) , and from what I hear about the law of attraction, I couldn’t have wrote any of that ^ if it weren’t possible.

    Just wanna add, I’ve been such a blind follower and self doubter for so long, that this desire makes me feel a little devious, and I like it >:) . Lol I really want your thorough, most in alignment opinion. Thank you <3

  • Great post and funny picture! It’s helpful to be mindful of whether you are praising your good fortune and accomplishments with joy and gratitude or are you looking for a pat on the head. Always enjoy reading your posts.

  • Hello, if it’s okay, I wanted to mention something that stood out when I read the question. I truly know nothing negative was intended by using the phrase ‘less happy and fulfilled friends’, but is it okay to explore it a little? It’s raised some thoughts in me.

    It could come across as a loaded phrase… born of a bragging vibe! With overtones of a value judgement… (e.g. some of us are farther long, some of us have made more progress). And, as we know, we’re all exactly where we need to be right now, for our own particular evolution, and that’s taking us exactly where need to go, so all our lives are by definition ‘perfect’ in any moment.

    So, on that basis, our friends are ‘less happy and fulfilled’ compared to what?

    It seems erroneous to compare levels of happiness and fulfilment. We’ve no idea where anyone else has been, and where they are on the way to. Each journey is so individual and relative that it’s an amazing work of stand-alone art and we can’t compare them (like the old adage it’d be like comparing apples and oranges).

    If we’re bursting with joy and we’re with our pals, one way to think/feel could be to honour their experiences too (not regard them as ‘less’ of anything) e.g. think/feel ‘Gosh I’m so happy right now, and I’m so glad I have these wonderful friends in my life, I’m so grateful we all get to experience this amazing journey called life, and share aspects of it with each other, and I know that we can’t possibly understand the intimate details of each others’ journeys, but we’re all exactly where we need to be, and I respect all of us for doing our best in every given moment, and I hope we all find all the love that’s always available to us, and aren’t we amazing for sticking around during this life journey because sometimes it can really test our limits, but look at us, we’re all still here and enjoying our time together, I’m so lucky to have such amazing people as friends etc etc’.

    Adopting that that ‘vibe’ takes the focus of success off oneself, solely, and instead of excluding others from the vision of success (I’m the only one at this table experiencing success) it brings everyone back in to the circle of appreciation, and into the potential for success, and it reminds us that success is relative to the person experiencing it.

    One person’s ‘success’ might look entirely different from another person’s ‘success’. Who are we to assume what success is, for another person?

    Also (sorry, this is getting quite long!), just because someone isn’t articulating their success, doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it… sometimes I don’t feel like sharing my feeling of success out loud. I’m delighting on the inside and totally content in the feeling of it though the desire to say it out loud at a table doesn’t arise. Perhaps our friends are feeling good about things in ways they aren’t sharing? Some people just aren’t as verbal. Some people feel happier keeping their evolutionary milestones private.

    Also, people can say the opposite of what they’re feeling! Sometimes i’ll be with friends and have a moan and on the way home I think, ‘why did I do that? I don’t even care that much about the issue and I’m actually pretty stoked about my life right now. Why did I give the impression I’m dissatisfied??’

    And I have known people who went to therapists and made themselves sound a lot unhappier than they actually were, because they thought they were supposed to do that at a therapy session!!

    So, we can’t assume that what our friends tell us is what is true on the inside for them…

    And, on occasion, if someone in the gathered company is taking the spotlight and sharing their adventures etc. I can be happy to sit back and let them take the floor – their need to share seems greater than mine in that moment, So i’ll let them share, no problem, I’m quite ‘happy and fulfilled’ to let them talk about themselves because their need to share is a big thing for them right now.

    So, that’s a long winded way of expressing that, maybe, it’s safer if we don’t rate others’ levels of happiness or fulfilment, because we can’t know others’ journeys well enough to draw those conclusions.

    I hope it was okay to mention that, feel free to let me know if there’s a hole in my rationale!

  • Wow, Judy, what an AMAZING story. I am really touched that you shared that and it has certainly put some things into perspective for me. You are so right in saying “send fear to the rear.” I think what you mean is that just find a way to be happy and realize the power of being happy even if we never get separated-that happiness is not conditional on whether or not we are together. I have a lot to now think about and you’re right…energy is just energy..nothing is too big or small when it comes down to it, it’s just our minds that put up these false beliefs.
    I am so happy you got your wonderful home (and TV!)
    I am glad I felt inspired to comment here as I already feel much better. 🙂

  • Abby,

    Manifeting something that we really care about can be much trickier than manifesting something that just would be really nice. When I first started actively working with LoA, I decided that we needed a new TV. Our old TV worked, but the color would conk out and often times we watched in black and white. About a week and a half after I started focusing on a new TV, we were driving to church and saw a free TV on the side of the road. Hot diggity dog! That new (to us) TV is going great! The next day, my teenage daughter brought home a huge TV that she was given by her ex-stepmother just because she didn’t need it anymore. Two TVs in one manifestation. I was pretty psyched. This isn’t so hard after all.
    When we learned we were losing our home, I tried really hard to put LoA to work. It only took a few days to manifest a TV, and no manifestation is any harder for the Universe to deliver than any other, right? I do believe that is true, but it is harder for us to receive some things. The more we need it, the harder it is because we are attached to the outcome. We are driven not by desire, but by fear. I was afraid of being homeless again. I was afraid of having to live on the streets with several children, including a toddler. I was in such a state of fear and terror that it took me almost a year to manifest a home. Thankfully, our living situation at the time had a little bit of flexibility. We were allowed to stay until the end of June so as not to severely disrupt the kids schooling. At one point, I was crying on the phone to my father-in-law and I told him I gave up. Obviously we weren’t meant to have a home, so I gave up. We would move out onto the streets and hopefully find a place to stay warm before winter. He told me to just keep looking because you never know when you will get a lucky break. I conceded to continue looking, and we put an offer on a house that had lots of nice features, but I wasn’t really as thrilled about it as I tried to be. Then I saw a house that I fell in love with. I walked into one of the rooms and said, “I want this house.” I am typing this from that house now. I had to let go of my fear of not having a house before I could manifest a house. It would have been okay if this house didn’t work out because it was our original plan B. The fear was mollified. We bought this house for less than our original offer on the other house.
    So what I am trying to say is that yes, it can be harder to manifest something you really care about, but it is only on your end. The Universe has us covered if only we will let go. Stop caring so much about it. “Send fear to the rear,” as William Walker Atkinson wrote in _Thought Vibration_. I know that is easier said than done, but it is the only way I know to make it happen. If I can manifest a home large enough for a family of 9 on a part-time low wage income, I can do anything, and so can you.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story Judy! You are so right in that we are the ones who slow our manifestations with our fears. Little things that I want pop up left and right but I still presently struggle with larger manifestations. “Fear to the Rear”. I like that and will make sure I keep it in my mind always. Congrats on your TVs and the house. Finding this site has been one of the best things to ever happen to me and I celebrate having found Melody and all of the wonderful people here. 🙂

    • Beautiful story Judy, thanks for sharing that. 🙂 I think we tend to trip up a bit when it comes to manifesting certain things because the belief that has been ingrained within so many of us, that we are not powerful, kicks in. But we are powerful creators through and through, and that doesn’t stop at certain things. Like Melody says, you can’t half-ass this stuff. Thanks again for sharing your story, it’s a perfect example that we are the only factor in creating our lives. Why is anything ever dire, ever a big deal, if we are all innately powerful? I think much of the anxiety and fear people experience stem from a belief that they are not.

    • Judy,

      This is really, really good and thank you for sharing this example. Honestly, not caring is really the best thing to do, I find. When I do not care at all, I manifest such wonderful things. But caring brings in resistant energy whether you like it or not, unfortunately. I do not think we were meant to go bananas about things anyway, you know?

      But, when you do not care, there is a danger in not appreciating, and this is number one, is it not? This is how opportunities are missed and how you can’t get it again. I know LOA says other wise, but is is just not the same, as when you did not care. Or is it the fact that you notice it is not the same that causes this effect?

    • Inspiring stories Judy, especially about the house. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 I do find it easier to manifest smaller things (e.g. seeing a particular type of car) because I’m not attached to the outcome and it won’t affect my life in a big way.

      A successful manifestation for me was a BlackBerry. I’d wanted one for ages but for a long time they were really too expensive for me. The prices come down all the time though and I started saving up for one towards the end of last year. I wanted a coloured one (not just black or white) and one on the Vodafone network because I was already on it and liked it. In March I got a BlackBerry Curve 9320 in violet on Vodafone for £59 (£61.50 with postage) which was cheaper than I thought I’d have to pay.

      I cared about manifesting the BlackBerry more than some other things. I thought it was something that I would never own at one point because it seemed like I wasn’t “able” to have one, due to the price being too much for me and other limiting beliefs. It had been on my Vision Pad (like a Vision Board) since November 2010, so it did take a while but I got there in the end. 🙂

  • Hi Melody!
    This is a great post. I totally get what you mean about that “feeling” when someone is bragging or truly celebrating and I feel like most of us can pick up on that vibe right away. You just “feel” better for the genuine celebrator, it seems. Facebook to me is full of braggers and I get really turned off by that at times that I find myself staying off of it for a while until it doesn’t bother me anymore. This coupled with your Envy vs Jealousy post from 2011 has REALLY opened my eyes to why I was feelings those feelings and has really changed my perspective on that, so thank you!
    I do have a quick question I was wondering if I could get some feedback on (from your wonderful readers as well!)
    I am brand new to LOA…I just discovered it 2 months ago and am absolutely blown away by this brand new way of realizing how life works. I was able to manifest an $8000 raise within the first month of trying this stuff out (I know…holy shhhh!!!)

    I have been mediating daily and have felt amazing feelings of love that have brought me to tears (vortex!) I am currently working on separating from my partner whom I have know for a while really deep down that we are just not a match. I have a LOT of limiting beliefs and fears that I am working through to try to manifest a happy, peaceful mutual separation. I am trying to let it go and wait for LOA to bring me the perfect situation to occur.
    Now, 2 months later I am finding myself with increased anxiety at times about LOA and this new thinking that we are all energy and it’s almost like my brain has caught up with my heart and I keep feeling like “Omg, am I going crazy??” Like when the my thoughts start to get really deep and I start to kind of feel freaked about it. It’s like I keep getting weird glimpses “outside of myself”, (maybe remebering?) and it’s overwhelming to me. Now that I am trying to manifest something that I really care about, I am so unsure of it all the sudden.
    Did any of you go through this in the beginning? I am hoping to focus more on calmness and clarity, but also hoping that this will pass. It’s like my whole life and the way I have thought about it has been a lie, lol.
    I don’t mean to take away from the actual article you wrote, but I figured there is no better place to ask! 🙂

    • Hi Abby!

      Oh I know that “OMG am I going crazy!!” feeling all too well. I’ve been practicing LOA for over a year now and I still have the same feelings you describe on occasion. Feeling like your life is a lie does ease up. I came from a very negative household. I used to joke that if my parents mouths were open, they were complaining about something. I was the same way and it has taken me a while to “undo” that within myself. There’s still a small part of me that feels like this new, mostly happy shiny puppy version of myself is a lie. Like I’m faking it. I know I’m not, so I’m still not quite sure where that is coming from. But I feel pretty good the majority of the time and I have been getting some really nice manifestations and synchronicities.
      These feelings have lessened over time and of course, it will take longer for some than others, but I would say all of that is normal and may even completely disappear one day. I think the truth of how the Universe operates is so different from what we have been taught that our brains try to protect us by telling us it’s a lie or make us feel like we are going crazy. I think it is a simple defense mechanism of our brain, but I could be wrong about that.
      A lot of times when I feel like that, I will find something to temporarily distract myself (music, video games….whatever floats your boat) and once I feel better, I come back to it and try to figure out if there is some deeper reason for feeling this way.
      I hope that was helpful and I hope the best possible outcome for both you and your partner. 🙂
      Oh and congrats on your raise! That is awesome! 🙂

      • I agree with distraction. Sometimes it is best to just totally shift gears. I learned how to make a quilt with a friend while trying to find a home. It doesn’t matter what you are thinking about, it only matters how you feel. Total avoidance of a subject is better than feeling bad about it if you can find no way to feel good about it. If you can’t think something nice about it, don’t think anything at all about it. Take up a new hobby. That’s always fun. 🙂

        • Thank you sooo much Summer Starr and’s great to know that I’m not alone in that. Earlier today, when I found myself getting anxious about it, I did some quick exercises (pushups, etc) to get my mind off of it and then turned on The Office Bloopers and throughout the rest of the day started to feel better. I was letting the guilt and fear of hurting him eat away at me and couldn’t turn those thoughts off….I was definitely “pushing against” everything too hard (as evidenced by a unpleasant manifestation at work later that day.) I also got out my crochet hook later on and that was also a great distraction. I think I am starting to get the hang of it and maybe am trying to do too much too soon.
          Thanks again ladies for your kind words xo

          • Abby, I am going through the same with my hubby right now. A part of me feels we are no longer a match but another part of me is still not sure. For now, I’m just trying not worry about “what the mirror is doing” and worry more about keeping myself in a good feeling place. 🙂

          • Summer Starr, It’s great to know I am not alone in this situation, for sure this blog has helped me finally admit what I DO want and that it’s ok to want what we do want and finding ways to get in a happier space about it seems to be key…here’s hoping for the best for both of us 🙂 xo. I am so thankful for this blog!

          • Summer Starr & Abby I read an interesting article on wake up world about relationships, here’s the link. I keep wobbling about my Hubby and if we are still a match, but I think right too, I should be grateful for the issues he keeps bringing up in me and giving me the chance to be shown them and reflect on them. I hope that we can get to the kind of relationship where we grow together, as mentioned in the article.

          • Thanks for the link Rachel. 🙂

            I remember seeing this article in my facebook feed recently, but I didn’t read through the whole thing because it wasn’t “What to do if you’re relationship is the #2 type” lol

            I read it this time. It would be really nice to have this sort of relationship with someone – even if it wasn’t romantic. In fact, I’m getting to the point to where I’m not even sure I WANT a romantic relationship.

            But we are definitely the #2 couple. He’ll show interest for a while (not just in LOA but in other areas), make promises to do better….yada, yada and sometimes it’s a week, sometimes it’s only a few days, but ultimately, he will just slip back to his previous behavior and this pattern has repeated over and over the entire year and half we’ve been married. I see that he is trying. He has potential, but the potential does no good if the willingness is not there.

            It is really, REALLY difficult for me to imagine having an evolutionary type relationship with my current hubby. I know something big is coming for us next year. The momentum is growing and growing and I KNOW it is coming. At that time, we will both be in a better position to decide what would be the best thing for us to do. Leaving now would be extremely stressful (much more so than staying), so I’ll just see what happens next year.

            For now, I’m just going to try to line up my energy to attract an evolutionary relationship (now that I know what one is 🙂 ) regardless of who it comes from. Whether it be him, a new friend, an old friend – it doesn’t have to be romantic anymore for me and for now, I really prefer that it not be.

            Oh and I cannot WAIT until we get a forum for this site. 😉

          • Wow, Rachel..that’s a very interesting article! Summer Starr, I feel like change is coming for me as well, and I really try to focus on the positives as well and trust in the good old LOA to fix it all for me ;).

          • Glad you both enjoyed the read! I am sure the change you both want is coming, how can it not be with such great approaches to it from you both. Enjoy the ride.
            In many ways my hubby is a lot further down the ‘spiritual path’ than I am and has probably been waiting for me to catch him up some time. I find the things that used to irritate me about him are actually the things I need to learn the most from him. As I have ramped up my own journey in the last 12 months, I’m starting to be able to show him new ideas and challenge some of his behaviours in a new way and I hope this can continue. He’s been so patient with me while I struggled with negativity and depression, I can’t help but think I must have brought him down a lot over the years. That makes me sad, but also incredibly grateful that after considering leaving him two years ago, I didn’t. Instead I got some hypnotherapy on my own issues and realised a lot of my dissatisfaction was being projected onto him. We’ve come a long way since and our young family has a much better environment to grow up in 🙂

  • Hi Melody
    I really loved this post, and it resonated with me on so many levels. I have accomplished so many amazing things in my life through my work with LOA and it has certainly rubbed some people the wrong way. I know it has nothing to do with me, and like you suggested here, I steer clear of sharing certain things with people who can’t handle happiness. That is such an interesting point about investigating the motivations behind sharing our good news, and if we are looking for validation or permission to feel good. Amazing stuff as always!

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

    access teh free video course now:

    are you a spiritual gladiator?

    Find out why you've always been different, why life seems to painful to you, and why you're actually incredibly important.