Ok, so I had planned to do some quickie blog posts to cover my vacation in Peru. But after my last post, in which I declared that I was ushering a new era of authenticity and sharing, and your wonderful response to said post, I just couldn’t do that. It would’ve felt like half-assing it. Also, I wasn’t actually able to write anything until just now. I don’t get writer’s block, but I do get “bad timing” blocks, meaning, that the timing is not right, no matter how much I insist that it is. So, I’ve decided or more accurately, surrendered to the idea of writing this month’s blog posts from here in Peru, as I’m inspired to.
I arrived in Peru this past Monday, and stepped straight into an Ayahuasca ceremony on Tuesday evening. This was my 19th Aya ceremony to date, and it was, hands down, the best one yet. It was the culmination of all of my previous work and brought me what I’d been looking for all my life. Yeah… it was effing miraculous.
Now, while I can’t possibly summarize everything that happened in those hours in one blog post, no matter how long and epic it might be, I’ve decided to share one of the biggest “events” of the night. First a little context.
Before going into any kind of ceremony, conscious meditation (active meditation where you shift energy), or deep energy work, it’s important to set an intention. The clearer the intention, the more likely you are to succeed. Setting the proper intention is half the work, really. I find my intention by looking at what is trying to get my attention the most in that moment. What is popping up right now? Then, I step into that feeling and let the emotions take me as far as they can. By doing this, I often shift tons of beliefs already. But at some point, I’ll hit a road block. If I don’t, I pick the issue that pops up next. I usually prepare for weeks before these trips to Peru, shedding oodles of crappy beliefs in order to get down to the core. After all, there’s no point in wasting an Ayahuasca ceremony on something I could’ve easily shifted on my own. These plants are powerful tools, and you don’t bring in the sledge hammer when a butter knife would’ve sufficed.
My intention for the night was to step fully into my power. I’d realized that I’d always had a fear of being arrogant. Not being seen as arrogant, which I dropped years ago, but actually being arrogant. I was keeping myself small in order to not get too big for my britches. Sure, I’d whittled away at this fear for a long time and had stepped into my power more than ever before, but there was this little bit of a reluctance left. I wasn’t taking it as far as I could, and it was clearly time to level up (otherwise, this issue would not have come to my attention). As it turned out, it wasn’t really a fear I needed to release. I’d already done so much work on this that I simply needed to give myself permission. But of course, that was easier said than done.
Now, while I’d love to tell you how it feels to step fully into your power (because I did succeed by the end of the night), this isn’t something I can even begin to convey in words. I can tell you that I feel more stable than I ever have, absolutely rock solid in my energy, and that in the same ceremony I learned to effortlessly hold the energy for the entire planet. I can tell you that I am looking forward to a future that is bigger than what I could’ve ever imagined, without even a smidgen of fear. I can tell you that I feel like a racehorse that’s finally being allowed to run. I can tell you that I feel freer than I ever have in my life, more compassionate, more loving towards everything and everyone (including myself), more humble, more honored (that’s honor without obligation or sacrifice), more privileged and yes, more powerful than I ever could’ve imagined. But that doesn’t even scratch the surface.
I also can’t really tell you how I did it. The night was filled with numerous metaphors, none of which would be meaningful to anyone but me. I was swallowed by a giant snake (don’t worry; this wasn’t scary at all), I became a giantess, I became the sun, danced with skeletons (again, not scary), had conversations with each organ in my body, and was crowned a queen, amongst other scenarios. See? It all sounds pretty bonkers (or, if you want to be kind, abstract).
And that’s why this blog post isn’t about how I stepped into my power, although it will be helpful for you to know that this is what the ceremony was about (this and so much more). As a consequence of this shift, however, or perhaps as a prerequisite, it just happened to transpire that I made total and complete peace with my mind. This is, what many people will call the state of “no-mind”, although I’ve come to understand that the definition of that term can vary widely.
What, exactly, is the mind?
People will use the term “mind” differently, so before we go further, it’s important that we’re all on the same page definition wise. To me, the mind is our automating system. When you repeat an action or a decision or a thought over and over again, the mind automates it. This is an incredibly useful tool. If you didn’t have this function, you’d have to make every decision, from which coffee to drink to which way to go to work and how to say hello to your coworkers, every single damn day. You’d never get anything done. Remember how it felt to drive a car for the first time? You had to pay attention to everything. Imagine if it felt that way all the time. The mind also filters data. Every moment of every day, you are bombarded by gobs of sounds and sights and smells and sensations. The mind helps you to filter out what’s relevant, based on what you’ve told it to pay attention to. This way you don’t get totally overwhelmed. You wouldn’t be able to function without your mind.
There’s only one problem. The mind cannot actually make decisions. It can only go off past decisions and apply them to your NOW situation. It cannot determine what is actually relevant, so when new data gets introduced, it tends to just ignore it. These automated decisions are your beliefs, by the way. When a program becomes outdated and obsolete, the belief becomes limiting. All of this would be just fine and hunky dory, if we hadn’t at some point put the mind in charge. Putting the mind in charge is like asking a little, insecure yippy dog to be the alpha dog in the house. Oh, he’ll try if no one else takes the job (ever see a grown human being controlled by a Chihuahua?), but he won’t be very good at it. If you give power to an insecure being, you’ll get a control freak dictator (often without the “tator”). And that’s what the mind becomes when we ask it to make our decisions for us. It’s not a job it was designed for, it’s not good at it and it’s incredibly stressful for the mind to even try.
One year ago, in January 2014, I was also in Peru. During one my ceremonies then, I saw this little 2 year old girl run past me, inviting me to play. I nearly went after her, when my guides told me “No. Don’t follow her. That’s your mind and she’s trying to distract you. Just ignore her and she’ll settle down.” And you know what? She did. Now, it’s important to note that it helps a lot if you realize that you are not your mind. And discerning the difference between what is you and what is your mind is a major part of this work. You are authentic; you are courageous; you are not afraid of change; you are forward looking; you are willing to face your fears; you trust in goodness; you have faith. Your mind is the complete opposite of that.
Ever since then, I’ve been working to soothe this little 2 year old mind. I’ve been informing her, bringing her into the loop, explaining to her what would happen, but also ignoring her tantrums without guilt, letting her run herself out until she got tired, and not letting her be in charge. At times, she has fought me fiercely, like a toddler throwing a tantrum because she’s not getting what she wants (or what she thinks she wants). But I persevered. And my mind calmed down a lot. It was a lot quieter in my head this past year than it has ever been before.
The mind, all grown up
As I was moving towards full empowerment during ceremony 19, I began to see the geographic patterns that are so common to Ayahuasca ceremonies (they used to scare the crap out of me, but now I really enjoy them). I crouched down next to my little girl mind, hugged her close and encouraged her to watch the light show with me.
“What is that?”, she asked.
“The construct,” I answered. “It’s the code of the game.”
“It’s beautiful” she commented.
Then I began to do something I had never done in quite that way before. I had always soothed my mind and informed it, but now I asked it to be my partner. “Let’s do this together,” I offered. “You and me. Look, neither one of us knows what it feels like to be completely empowered. We have to both learn. So let’s learn together.”
And then something amazing happened. She grew up right in front of me, into this beautiful, adult woman. And she began to tell me that this is all she’d ever wanted – to be my ally, my partner. She had never wanted to be in charge and she was no longer going to fight me. She now understood what it was we were here to do (as I did, in that moment). She stood behind me, supporting me, and vowed to always be there for me. She was no longer going to try and distract me. She had grown up, because I had let her.
She also told me that she was not a mere “tool” as I liked to refer to the mind (I’ve always said that it’s just another tool in our toolbox). She insisted that she was a “Master Tool”, and that certainly makes sense to me. Our minds are powerful. They’re there for a reason. We’ve simply misused them. But when we allow our minds to be Who They Really Are, they will become our most powerful ally.
Don’t try to kill the ego
For me, the mind and the “ego” are the same thing. I’ve long held that any philosophy that tries to get rid of the mind or even kill it (or the ego) is doomed to fail. We need our minds. We literally can’t live without them. We just can’t put them in charge, in fact, they don’t even want to be. They’ll only take the job because 1.) we won’t, and 2.) we delegate it to them. But wrestling control back from our minds doesn’t have to be a fight. It can be a negotiation, a back and forth, like soothing a scared child (who also throws tantrums, which you can and should ignore). The mind will, eventually, come around. Take it from me and my new best friend, my grown up mind.
I’m really looking forward to seeing how this pans out, and I promise to keep you updated. For now, I observe the world around me, experiencing it with no judgment. It all just “is”, and it’s all magnificent. Now, I can’t tell you how much of what I’m currently feeling comes from this peace with mind, and how much of it is from this new state of empowerment and balance. What I can tell you is that my ego has fallen completely silent, unless I ask her to participate. It’s a wonderful feeling of freedom and serenity. But it’s also a feeling of responsibility. It’s all up to me now (of course, it always was…). I figure that the two shifts happened together (empowerment and no-mind) so that I would also lose any remaining fear of that responsibility (Ayahuasca REALLY knows what she’s doing…).
I honestly can’t tell you what will happen during the rest of my stay here. I’m a total blank, intention wise. I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted – I remember Who I Really Am. All I do know is that nothing will ever be the same. Oh, and that it’s going to be fucking awesome. Of course.
Welcome to the other side of the rabbit hole.
So beautiful! 🙏💫 I just stumbled upon the blog post and loved it beyond words. Thanks, Melody!
I loved this post!
I have been traveling this path for a lot of years and for most of them I was completely lost. Just in the last year has all the reading and courses I’ve purchased come together to give me the answers I was looking for.
What amazed me the most was how simple it all really is. All the fear, worry, stress and anxiety I thought was a normal part of life, is BS! I learned that I had never controlled anything in my life. My inner voice had been running the show and I just didn’t know it.
When the light finally got switched on, I was amazed at the simple answer to everything.
That answer was to be aware enough to question everything and spend as much time as possible in the present. With a little practice being predominantly present is a piece of cake.
Sure the ego shows up now and then. You really can’t blame it for trying to take back control. After all, it’s had control most of my life. It would be silly to think it’s not going to fight back for that control.
My ego and I have regular short conversations and the more time I spend in the present, the more comical those conversations become. He is constantly trying to pull out every trick he has in the bag.
At first I resisted and it was painful. The big change happened when I naturally started achieving no mind and at the same time started accepting what is. Suddenly the clouds parted and the weight of the world lifted.
Thanks again for this post and the massage you share,
Great roundup as usual, really enjoyed your article. Thanks for sharing your article on How you finally Made Peace With your Ego/Mind. Looking forward for your best article this year.
It actually took me a whole week and several readings to comprehend this post. On first reading I didn’t really get it, it wasn’t something that I had really thought about. But now I see it’s how we apply LOA, to get our minds (beliefs, ego, fears) to step out of the way and to trust in the universe and our higher selves to take us where we want to go. Easier said than done obviously. But I will work towards that.
I have a question: how do you go about remembering Who You Really Are? Why do we forget in the first place? Is there a way to go about constantly remembering that?
There’s a blog post dated March 31 2011 – Why Don’t We Remember The Law of Attraction From Birth? This might have the answer you’re looking for
WOWzzers!! Thank you so much for sharing this with me 😉 I felt the energy so strongly and can’t wait to read more of your amazing posts! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful experience! A wise person taught me years ago that when the mind starts up with all the limiting beliefs, it is good to visualize your mind as a child, thank her for worrying and having my back, give her a big hug and tell her “Chillax, cause I got this!”
LOVE IT and love this ride we’re on.
This is so powerful and beautiful and resonated so strongly with where I’m at in my own journey: really owning my power and not dumbing myself down out of guilt. I feel so much truth behind your words, and I too am so fucking excited about what’s next for us. Much love.
Wow Melody, thank you a 1000 times for this post and CONGRATULATIONS on your process and courage! So inspiring! Love you <3
It was interesting to read about your experience, Melody. The idea of completely killing off the ego has never really resonated with me, or the idea of blaming everything on it. I think that we must need it in some way. I hope the rest of your trip goes well and look forward to hearing about it. 🙂
Awesome blog post, and awesome comments. I love hearing how others are finding their way as I find mine. One thing stood out to me in all of it, and I’m grateful for the reminder. There are still nagging, whispering fears in these conversations. Am I this, or am I that? And is it “bad?” And who said so?
When that happens to me, I try to remember how simple and elegant the law of attraction is: that whatever you focus on gets bigger. When I start worrying that I’m crazy, the universe will bring me things that will support that fear. Something happens that only happens to crazy people, then another thing, then another thing, and pretty soon the shit’s so deep I can’t even remember what I was afraid of in the first place, but its sure not letting go of me any time soon, and I’ll never figure it out.
I don’t know why it happened (and I don’t care), but one day I’d had enough. I changed my mind and decided to trust the universe over everything else, have no fear, believe that everything is possible. It didn’t happen all at once, but my life has changed completely. When I stumble across an unwanted feeling now, I just ask what’s that all about? The universe can tell me gently now, without having to beat me about the head with it, and by accepting the answer, the feeling changes to “Oh, pffft, THAT? Ok, gone.”
And the momentum keeps going, I keep having the most incredible experiences I could ever have imagined. One in particular I would never have imagined, that is a knowing that everything IS possible.
Melody this is Amazing! Simply amazing! I love you!!
Melody thank you for this. Sharing with us the vision of your mind as a little girl sometimes in need of soothing, some times in need of not letting your attention trail after her was helpful and struck a chord with me. Thank you for sharing. Your blog has done alot to help me grow spiritually.
I can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip!
WOW!!! Great post and so inspiring! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Absolutely awesome Melody. Your message is perfectly timed as I’m looking very closely at this same issue at the moment. Blessings on your further adventures is Peru.
Wow, this is great! Thank you!
Best post (in my opinion) I’ve read here for a few months 🙂 Made me cry xx
This is a wonderful post which resonated on so many levels. Thank you for sharing these experiences. My intention is to find that same peace with my mind, and this gives so much hope. Thank you.
Hoo boy. I have to say that I really dig the Wonderland so far! This post brought tears into my eyes, just like the one before this. I’ve had a bit similar experiences with the mind, and reading this made me think how my perception of it has changed as I’ve raised my vibration.
Back when I was curled into a sobbing ball at the bottom of the vibrational ladder, my mind was the tyrant queen and I was its prisoner. Then it slowly changed to something resembling my mother, and after I had worked through most of my childhood issues, it turned into a small, irritating monkey sitting on my shoulder and panicking and screaming a lot. At the moment it’s like a faithful dog, sometimes switching back to the monkey mode if I’m tired or stressed. I do prefer the dog, since the monkey can talk and the dog can’t 🙂 I’ve been feeling a change again recently, after I cleared a lot of issues about self-worth and self-respect. And I’ve also noticed that self-empowerment is like a drug… The more I experience it, the more I want it.
So just keep calm and follow the yellow brick road 🙂
Heather, that is a brilliant description and really resonates. I am curious, if you don’t mind me asking, what clearing methods are you using?
Edelweiss, I’m happy to hear it resonated with you! As for your question, my current bible for self-work is this amazing blog right here, hands down. I’ve read the archives at least a dozen times, trying to really get them on a deeper level. I’ve found that Melody’s approach works amazingly well with my mindset, and I’d say that the day I found this blog was a pretty big turning point because the things I had been going through finally started to make sense. (Or in other words… I finally started to suspect that maybe I’m not crazy after all. So yes Melody, the weak foundation of my sanity rests on your shoulders. Handle it with care ;))
But in addition to the blog, the ways that work best for me have come through trial and error. I pay a lot of attention to my dreams, since I’ve found that they are perhaps the best gateway to the things that are going on in the subconscious. I also write a lot, sometimes about the actual things I’m struggling with but mostly fictional stories. I’ve found that if I’m dealing with something big and nasty, it helps to set an imaginary stage and people and just go with it, the answer I’m looking for is always there, even though it’s hidden in symbolism. Plus, being inside an imaginary person’s head very efficiently helps me to get distance to my own worries, thus making it easier to see the forest from the trees 🙂
I think that it really comes down to figuring out your strengths and passions and preferred ways of doing things in general, and then figuring out how to implement them into the energy work. Venturing to the depths of your forgotten and hidden parts becomes much more fun and less scary when you’re using tools you’re familiar with and have confidence in your skills with them.
I hope I answered your question, I have a bad habit of straying from the subject 🙂
Dear Heather, wow, that was a brilliant response. I love the idea of writing and creating stories around the issues. I am going to try that. I enjoy writing and this would make it more fun than just writing around the issues.
OMG Heather, you made me laugh so hard, thank you for sharing. I find myself just cracking up at some of my own thoughts and how irrelevantly absurd they can be. I just imagine an annoying yippy dog craving for attention. Sucks the credibility right out!
Love to you!
Great post Melody, I’m glad you were inspired to write it 🙂
You are living from a pure place of connection and inspiration! It’s inspiring and beautiful to read!
I just loved this post. My mind has been buffeting me around for a bit now. It is good to know I it can be my ally and not my adversary.
Hoping I get a chance for this quantum leap. But first and foremost, I am going to practice setting intentions. That is something I have never really thought about, but now I am going to
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is truly inspiring and brave of you.
Wow, this is crazy, in a great way. Reading this made me feel quite a few things… peaceful, giddy, emotional. Having you explain how free and stable you felt choked me up a bit, because freedom is something that resonates with me deeply. I can also really relate to some if what you’ve said here, so this blog post is pretty timely for me. One, I understand what you mean about the mind. For a long time, I saw my mind as a child, annoyingly throwing tantrums and getting in the way. But at one point I realized how much more /quiet/ my mind had actually become. I began to notice that much of the BS I was experiencing was being done by me, consciously. Now recently, I remembered my intention to have a more peaceful relationship with my mind. I’ve had quite a few realizations since. I’ve finally began to understand how our minds simply operate according to what’s been ‘installed’ within them. How when we experience crappy thoughts and feelings, it’s simply an indicator of something we believe that isn’t serving us. This has felt so much better to me than my prior perspective. I used to feel threatened by my mind, and I look back and see myself panicking like a person who didn’t quite understand what was going on. But I’m feeling better now. Also, I’ve always resonated with the mind being a partner. I’ve seen people describe the mind in a few different ways, but I always leaned toward that. It just felt better to me.
Another reason why I think this is so timely is because /very/ recently, something got my attention. It’s something I knew about, but hadn’t fully acknowledged consciously, but I’ve encountered a fear of stepping into my own power (or rather, I’m afraid of the things I’ve associated with it). Our reasons are somewhat different, although I do experience the fear of being arrogant as well. But, I’m afraid that what we’ve been taught all of our lives, you know, the poopy stuff that doesn’t really feel good, is true. But I also see that throughout my life, some process has been going on that has led me to where I am now, and is leading me somewhere. It doesn’t look particularly safe or normal from a societal perspective. It’s a bit difficult to trust. My Higher Self, the trees, the sky and the Angels tell me that things will be okay though… more than okay.
Anyway… Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Melody. It’s reallyyy fun and interesting to hear about these things. I really can’t wait to hear more.
Great post Melody, looking forward to more!! You just keep getting more and more awesome!!
This blog post is a melody( I really can’t think of another word:)) and hero’s saga of the highest joy anybody can possibly attain. That is how I feel about it. So awesome. Thanks for sharing, Melody!
Note: Long but authentic comment below.
Thanks for the awesome post. It has lifted a huge weight off of me.
I used to believe that my mind was my greatest ally. Then I brought that up in a coaching call and Melody said no it’s not, it is a tool. And soon I read from blogs that it can sabotage us. and I wasn’t going to argue it because I figured Melody was the expert. That started what would become some of my greatest anxiety. My mind would tell me that it wanted to help me, that it was my greatest ally. I would think it was deceiving me. I began to get quite, well, paranoid. I think that’s the word. I thought, Melody must have a higher vibe than me; she certainly knows what she is talking about and my mind is obviously screwing me over. She has the life experience, not me. Telling my mind that it was deceiving me caused me a lot of anxiety, and hopefully now I am free.
I used to also have awesome conversations with my mind. We would talk together. That’s how I would figure out my beliefs. I would say something, and my mind would say something else. Then I would argue it and we would go back and forth. That is also how I came up with a lot of creative ideas. My mind and I would have friendly conversations.
About your mind having tantrums, do you really have to ignore them? What about telling your mind, “thanks for your logical input, I am still listening to you, but this is what we are going to do here. Why don’t you think about something else?” I think the mind throws tantrums because it believes we are not listening to it. It gets upset when we are not listening to the logical solution. But if we recognize it. We say, yes, I see what you are saying. That is logical. And I choose this way instead because feeling better is more logical, it really helps.
I also think that the mind can do one other thing, it recognizes patterns and puts “stuff” together. I have come up with a lot of solutions just by letting my mind run freely and not trying to control it or anything. Letting all emotions come, even if they are negative, and just not judging them. Just feeling their textures. It’s a way of cleaning out. But I also shut that down trying to put in the belief that the mind was just a tool. Because I figured well, it has free reign then and can sabotage me.
There are often times where I don’t want to do any personal development work. There are times where I just want to go have fun. Go read a book, daydream about random crap, talk to friends, etc. My mind tells me that the momentum of the thing I was focussing on will just begin to fade over time; it is tiny and just focus on something else to cut the habbit of focussing on that thing. It doesn’t have to be the opposite of it, just something else that sounds more fun or awesome, like a book or a silly thought. But I have been trying to force the personal development work because I have been convinced that my mind was just trying to get out of it and the solution would never be found, then I would stop using the law of attraction because essentially my mind was trying to make that happen. I thought everything was my mind, not my true emotions. And essentially my mind would say that it was my mind, but it was also me. That it wasn’t the enemy. And when doing personal development work, when trying to figure out a limiting belief, I would try to shut down my mind. I freaked out that my mind would so willingly present the problem when I asked it to do so, to use logic to find the limiting belief. I disregarded what my mind was saying, and then got trapped trying to figure out what was “me” and what was my mind. I disregarded logic. I began to feel that we live in an unstable and illogical world where everything can just go boom because my silly mind and I are in battle. And coaching? That just made it worse. Woops.
I am kind of glad now that the anxiety never faded. It was my mind. My mind was causing me all of the anxiety, as you had mentioned to me personally. But not to hurt me. It was trying to tell me that it wanted to work with me. Now I am probably going to still have some residual anxiety as I tell my mind it logically does not have to sabotage me, that is not logical, but hopefully that will end soon enough. My mind just snorted at me.
I am using the word mind here, because that’s what the post is about. But is there really a mind? Or is it all us, it’s just us in the physical? I don’t know. I am trying to grasp at something, my “mind” is trying to grasp at something, but I am going to need some time with it.
My mind or whatever it is, does that a lot. It grasps at things and in order to figure them out, I have to listen to music, daydream, and just let my emotions flow as I described above. I used to get my greatest insights and ideas that way. But then I stopped listening to them. Because of paranoia about my mind.
I have some advice for all readers of this blog and anywhere else. If something someone, like Melody, says does not resonate with you, do not follow it. Just don’t. It’s not worth your time to even try. And I am now figuring that out. There are certainly quite a few things Melody has said that do not resonate with me, and I need to let that go. The blog is just a library of information, follow what feels good and right. It’s not supposed to be a religion or a cult. But I started, well… I think you know what I am saying. Why did I follow what Melody said and not what felt right? Because I was convinced it was my mind deceiving me. I was convinced my mind was telling me to do things because it wanted to avoid doing the work. Because it wanted to avoid what was uncomfortable and just come up with something that felt better and more comfortable.
So be careful with that. If you are worshiping Melody, thinking her beliefs must be yours, something has gone very very wrong. Go above that. Because essentially, the blog is just saying to do what feels good.
I’m not trying to bash Melody with all of this. I am just writing this because I really feel inspired to do so. Like really feel inspired.
I am now quite, well, shaken. I am feeling my mind turn back on. I have to figure out what’s what here.
Oh, and one thing that did always get to me. The blogs would always say that the mind would roll over and do anything you told it to. Then the blog would say that the mind will sabotage us. But doesn’t the mind sabotage us because we tell it to, based on that logic?
Sometimes the logical mind truly is good. Because my mind knew that. That’s one of the questions I have been fighting with for quite some time. And now it’s, resolved.
Now I’m going to go have a conversation with my mind. Because it’s fun. And I finally listened to it.
Sending everyone positive energy.
thank you so much for this. many hugs.
I actually really liked your comment, Anonymous. In the past, I also remember having “conversations” with my mind; I which I would ask myself questions, and receive answers in the form of memories or pictures. I still talk to myself very often too (I’m sane, I promise). When it comes to that paranoia, I understand what you mean, although we came to those conclusions in different ways. No one ever told me that my mind would try to sabotage me and such, it’s just that at one point I decided that I couldn’t trust myself, and of course, my mind, doing it’s job, behaved upon this belief. For a long time, I felt very threatened by my own thoughts, and I noticed myself kind of tensing up when a thought emerged that didn’t feel good. As I said in my comment below, lately I’m beginning to realize that my mind isn’t trying to get in the way when these kinds of thoughts emerge. It isn’t trying to hinder me. It’s indicating something to me, a belief I’m holding that isn’t serving me anymore. Plain and simple. Because of this, I’ve changed how I respond to my mind and I’ve felt a lot better. Sometimes I still tend to /react/ to my thoughts rather than to respond to them, but even then, I understand that my initial reaction is also an indicator of something. I also have an analytical mind, that loves to figure things out, and it’s pretty quick on it’s imaginary feet. When I have a belief that I want to release, I go through a process of listing thoughts that feel better, and one time, I had a dream where I did this exact same process, but on a white board, for a smaller issue I was having. I found it so interesting how my mind pretty much mimicked me and did some mental “work” for me through a dream. As I said in my prior comment, I used to see my mind as something annoying and whiny, constantly getting in my way, because that SEEMED to be the case, but now I know that my mind was only doing it’s job. I can’t quite describe my new perspective of it, but it feels stable. Like, solid, or something of the like.
When I read what you wrote at the beginning, I immediately thought that it doesn’t matter who someone is, if what they say doesn’t resonate with you, then disregard it. Because I truly believe that we are all LOA “experts”. This is something we all know how to do deep down, and we simply have to allow that knowing to come to us. We don’t even need to read articles and books and such, but a lot of us tend to manifest clarity through those things, and that’s okay. I think Melody has said similar before too. For me, I used to have a lot of difficulty with trusting myself, so I would feel easily threatened by anyone with an opposite perspective than mine. It didn’t matter who it was… Melody, someone in the comment section, on a forum. I still feel uncomfortable when I come across those things, but I’m getting better at realizing that when something doesn’t resonate with you, it’s not true for you. You don’t have to be afraid that they’re right, and you’re wrong. Your truth isn’t diminished simply because someone else disagrees, or sees things differently than you do. We don’t all have the exact same experience, and if someone knew exactly what I do, and experienced exactly what I have, they’d probably agree with me… But they haven’t, so they don’t. That doesn’t mean that I’m wrong, and they’re right. This is something that’s been easier for me to accept lately.
The idea of shaping my world, my belief system and myself around what other people believe, like a religion or a cult as you’ve mentioned, rather than what truly resonates with me sounds scary. Even when I believed in a God, I refused to accept certain aspects of religion because they didn’t make sense to me, and I remember getting a lot of flack for that. I constantly feel the need to do things my way, to be no one else but myself, but sometimes that feels scary too! It can get a bit complicated, but I digress. I will admit that in the beginning, I clung onto certain websites and pieces of information. That was quite confusing, because people were saying so many things that seemed to contradict each other… I wasn’t sure what to believe in. It took me awhile to ask myself, hey, what do you want to believe in? I was so used to focusing on what everyone else was doing and thinking. But over time I’m learning how to approach these things my way, and be comfortable with my own perspective and what resonates with me, even if it’s opposite to what others believe.
As for personal development, sometimes I don’t want to go into that either. But I began to worry that I’ll “miss” some important piece of information, even though there have been many times where when I needed to know something, I found it or it found me. I’m not used to just letting a problem go, especially if I don’t know why it’s there. And again, I know that this due to some kind of decision I made a long time ago, about how I need to be /doing/ something, or I won’t get what I want. Or how I need to focus on a problem until I find a solution. But today, I don’t feel like reading or thinking too much. I don’t feel like pushing myself.
Although this sounds like it’s been a difficult experience for you, I think how you grew from the experience is great. Clearly, you’ve come to understand the importance of trusting what resonates with you, and doing your own thing, even if it contradicts what someone else says. The basis of LOA is “like attracts like”, and all of these different techniques and perspectives, IMO, exist to help us further embrace who we really are and to help us reach a point of allowing. That’s not going to be a one-size-fits-all thing, because we’re all different people, with different backgrounds, and different lives.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience here. 🙂 Since I’m recently embracing a new and more stable perspective of my mind, reading these kinds of things helps. It serves as a reminder to me that our minds are always working for us, but we tend to misinterpret a lot of what goes on in there, and develop all kinds of assumptions and fears about our thoughts and emotions.
Thank you very much for your comment, April! You did a very good job of expressing how we can have different outlooks on what seems to be the same subject, but this does not mean one person is wrong. We all get to create our own reality, and what works in the reality of one person, or makes sense in one person’s reality, might not work or make sense in another person’s reality. It just means we have different perspectives. I think that ultimately, when we “croak”, we will realize that all of our different ways of thinking and doing were leading us all to the same place.
This resonated with me so much, I had goosebumps and tears by the third paragraph about your aya experience this time. Please send my regards to the Mother next time you see her. This brought back so much of that powerful experience for me, at a time when I need the reminder.
But my favorite three words from this: “peace WITH mind”. Yes!
Too. Freaking. Cool. Melody, I am so happy for you and the progress you are making on your journey. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I had a similar experience about 2 years ago except I wasn’t in Peru on Ayahuasca. I was flat on my back in bed from a nasty sinus infection and bronchitis and HIGH AS A KITE from a steroid shot gone awry. I was going through some rough patches in the romance department and was acting a fool and wondering why oh why things kept happening to me (yeah, I know). My illness forced me to sit still and be with my mind. For the first time in my life I (Who I Really Am) separated from my mind. It was so weird, I witnessed the split, like fabric being ripped in two. We had a long talk, and I finally took over. Once in a while I have to pat my mind on the back and say, “It’s OK, I’ll take care of us, I’ve got this.” When I accepted my mind it stopped being my adversary. I’ve been in charge since then.
I like your rejection (in this and past posts) of having to “kill” the ego, as some teachers of enlightenment proclaim to be the answer. My ego cracks me up way too much to get rid of it.
Wow, Melody! Beyond awesome! Thank you so much for sharing these details!
Thanks for sharing this Melody and for everyone in your comments. It also resonated deeply with me as i am currently having the same battle in my inner world. And after having the inner council discussion it’s clear my young self needs some attention. what it wants yet, i am not quite sure…. Its great to hear also that you get alot out of the Ayay ceremony. Something i’ve been interested in pursuing for a while now. Thanks for further comforting and educating me on its value. Can’t wait to hear how things shift in the coming months for you.
Now I REALLY want to do one of these ceremonies.
These past few weeks have been quite the shit storm for me. I don’t know if I’m purging a bunch of crap or what, but this post has left me speechless. I have had a pretty big fear about doing this work and it making me arrogant – although I kept it hidden because for some reason admitting that made me feel even MORE arrogant. Gah! That makes no sense now that I’m putting it out into the physical.
My mind and I have been at war for a while now and I feel like I’ve been trying to tame it. When you said “Let’s do this together” I just felt peaceful and calm. Doing this together feels GOOD! There was something I was growing tired of and I couldn’t put my finger on it. But you did it for me. I’m tired of the fight. I’m ready for that true inner peace.
I am having a very unexpected surgery tomorrow (just found out about it this morning) and all I have done all day long is beat myself up and wonder what I did wrong to attract this. I’m still not sure exactly what brought this about, but what I DO know is that my new intention for 2015 is for my mind and spirit to work together as one unit. My ego doesn’t have to die, she just needs to grow up a bit.
Thank you so much Melody!!!! I freakin’ love you!!!! 🙂
Hugs to you…
Thank you Kelli. 🙂
Good luck and big hugs!
Thank you Edelweiss. 🙂
Much love and loads of hugs to you Summer 🙂
Sending love and light to you, Summer!
Oops replied on the wrong person.
Thank you A. 🙂
Thank you Laila! 🙂
I am home now recovering. Nothing major. Small incision, the surgery was only an hour and I have excellent pain med. LOL! Getting much needed R&R this weekend. 🙂
That is great! Wishing you a speedy recovery. This is a great time to actually enjoy the rest and appreciate it.
Glad your surgery went ok, Summer. Wishing you a peaceful and restful weekend. 🙂
Melody, you could not have known how well timed this was (or maybe you did) because this was what I really needed to see. Rather, it was the icing on the cake for a series of things I was seeing today.
Someone else had just posted information on the law of attraction and the ego that I found a bit out of sync with what I thought. But it prompted me to look up some additional things that actually started to erase some of the initial doubts I’d forgotten I even had but I suppose were still there. Then this post. And it totally brought together my thoughts and showed me the resolution of those thoughts.
I feel like in a way I just had my own Coming of Age this afternoon as I brought together these seemingly opposite ends of my thinking that are really complimentary parts.
So congratulations and thank you.
Melody, I LOVE you. Like really, REALLY love you. I’ve been going down my own rabbit hole lately and I have to say it is the most delightful thing I’ve ever experienced. Thank you for knowing.
Wow…quite the post Melody. Thank you very much not just for sharing your experience, but choosing the exact words that hit me like rockets. Granted I am a little behind in my spiritual growth compared to you, but you are helping me zoom into my intention. It was vague and uncertain.
I am attending a ceremony within a Sweat Lodge this weekend, mostly to release negative energy and mental blocks. But now I will do what you did and deliberately prepare my intention, which is mostly to stop fighting with my own mind and make it work for me..just like you cleverly did. I have a long way to go but this is a promising start, clear out the outdated and rusty to make room for the pure and powerful. This will also allow me to step into my own power, granted I am terrified of that, but that brings me to step 1 where I need to release that fear first and slowly believe that I am that powerful.
Thank you so much for your courage, your authenticity and wisdom. You are Light.
Much love and more expansion.
That image of the little girl mind growing into a woman and becoming your partner is so beautiful to me and has filled me with a deep sense of calm, trust and love. I’m nowhere near that myself yet but it resonates with such truth, I think I will remember it forever.
hi Melody I had Goosebumps! Reading this post. So fantastic totally resonated and inspired me. Love Bernie x
The notification email came right as I was just checking my email and of course had to come over immediately! Great post. I did Ayahuasca about two years ago, and like you, I can’t fully put in words the insights and the overall experience that came from doing it. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever done. The physical illness for me was overwhelming, and I can’t believe I did it 7 times! At the end of two weeks, I was like, I can’t believe I did that.
I really resonated with what you said about being afraid you would become arrogant. I have learned so much from my own work, and I share that knowledge on my blog. But, to actually say with any sort of certainty that you ‘know’ certain truths, etc..can make you feel a bit uncomfortable.
This post was really resonant for me overall as well because this was something I was actually just discussing yesterday during an session of energy work that I have been doing the last month. I am definitely making strides with making peace with my mind, and over time, things are just getting easier and more peaceful.
Enjoy Peru, and hope you are not puking too violently 🙂
I forgot to add that I loved the part about the mind being in charge but it not really wanting it to be. That is a great perspective as it can make us feel like it is not such a formidable foe.