Awesome Arlette’s Burning Question: “There is one thing I don’t understand so much. Our purpose overall is to feel truly good and when we do, we are in the vibration of who we really are. In that state we cannot hurt others. But what about people that enjoy hurting others? Like sadistic people? By harming others (even if they are aligned only with people that want to be hurt), aren’t they are hurting themselves?
Also I’ve recently read about a psychology term called “the Lucifer effect” which shows how when you give ordinary everyday life people power over others they use that for bad and a lot of awful stuff that it sounds straight from a horror movie.
I don’t understand how this works vibrationally. Every time I hear this stuff (which is rarely but still) it makes me feel like the world is fucked up (even though I KNOW it’s not true). I would love to hear what you think :)”
Dear Awesome Arlette,
What an excellent question!
“The Lucifer Effect” is a book by Philip Zimbardo, that talks about the 1971 Stanford Prison experiment, where volunteers were divided into two groups, with one group being designated “prison inmates” and the other as “prison guards”. They were then sequestered in a mock dungeon in the basement of one of Stanford University’s buildings. The experiment was planned to last two weeks, but had to be stopped after just six days due the emotional trauma being experienced by the participants. The students quickly began acting out their roles, with “guards” becoming sadistic and “prisoners” showing extreme passivity and depression. Prisoners and guards had rapidly adapted to their roles, stepping beyond the boundaries of what had been predicted and leading to dangerous and psychologically damaging situations. The conclusion of the study was that no human is actually either evil or good, but that under the right circumstances, the environment could call forth either type of behavior in otherwise sane and balanced individuals.
Studies such as these, as well as the infamous Milgram experiment, where it was shown that a large percentage of participants would torture another human being simply because they were told to by an authority figure, often lead people to conclude that we are all more inherently cruel than we’d like to think. Would we, if given the chance, really all rip each other’s throats out? And are social, religious and legal rules and regulations really the only reason we don’t?
Whenever someone asks me about or quotes from a clinical trial or experiment, I always point out that you have to very, very careful about coming to conclusions about the entire human race based on this kind of data. You see, experiments such as these have several inherent flaws, the biggest of which is that the people running such trials generally have no understanding of energy and the importance of our belief systems. Let me explain.
The role of “prisoner” isn’t just an arbitrary label that was assigned to these students. We all have a very detailed picture of what a prisoner is – a person who has done something bad, who deserves to be punished for it (this isn’t my belief, mind you, but the one generally held by society). The role of the prison guard is also quite well defined – to control the bad people, to make sure they know what they’ve done is wrong and to punish them. After all, they deserve it, right? In other words, we have firmly entrenched beliefs about what a prisoner is. The prison system, which is built on the underlying premise that you can and should remove individuals who have done something we find damaging to our society from that society and make their lives hell, is also a reflection of the widely held belief that you can punish people into compliance. This philosophy is also played out when we shame each other for being different, when parents prioritize control, and in bullying behavior (not just on the playground, but in boardrooms and government buildings, as well). If someone does something that you don’t like, you have the right, nay the obligation, to dominate them into conformity.
So, when you take individuals and assign them such a well-defined role, you have to take into consideration that you’ve just introduced the belief systems that come with that role into the equation. They become part of the experiment as well. For example, you might, having read the experiment, come to the conclusion that people, when given power over someone else, will generally become cruel. But that would be a faulty conclusion. This experiment didn’t isolate the variables necessary in order to study “people”, in general. It simply showed what would happen if you put otherwise sane and “normal” people, law abiding citizens of our society, into the prison environment, with all that it entails. This was a very specifically tailored environment, with very specific labels and belief systems attached. We don’t respect our prisoners as human beings, for example, so the “prison guards” didn’t either, even though they knew that the “inmates” were simply fellow volunteers and not actual criminals. Their views, their needs, and even their rights no longer mattered. They were prisoners, lowlifes, degenerates, second class (or no class) citizens, if you will, and should be treated as such.
Now, while I agree that each and every one of us has the capacity for “evil acts” if given the right environment, I think this study said much more about how we view prisoners than humanity as a whole. Of course, we could, theoretically, all become murderers. I’m not saying that you, my happy shiny puppy, are at risk of suddenly going psycho and slicing your neighbor’s head off. I’m saying that if you’d experienced the right amount of trauma, especially early on in life, coupled with a severe lack of options and your culture’s belief that violence is the only way to regain any sense of power, you too could’ve ended up behind bars by now. In other words, a dark, low-vibrational environment and culture, will spawn dark, low-vibrational people who are in a tremendous amount of pain and will use whatever means they have access to in order to feel better. The same, of course, can be demonstrated using lab rats and monkeys, who will, given the right stimulus and environment go nutso, too.
And I think that this is an important revelation, because if people who do “bad” things aren’t inherently different from the rest of us, then we can’t just keep shutting them away and torturing them. If you introduce the thought “if I’d had that guy’s life, that could’ve been me” into the equation, you can’t really treat the convicted quite so heartlessly anymore. Punishment must give way to actual rehabilitation (which our current prisons not only do NOT practice, but actually do the opposite of).
My point is that the labels we assign to a participant in one of these experiments matters a great deal. The student’s reactions were in large part based on the roles they had been assigned and what those labels meant to them, not just the fact that they had power over another or not.
Next, let’s look at those participants. If we take energy into account, we have to concede that not just anyone could’ve taken part in this study. I’m not just talking about the psychological profile of someone who might WANT to volunteer for an experiment at school, but what they were a vibrational match to – in short, the expectations of those running the study. These expectations would also have influenced how the experiment was conducted, including all the different variables present. For example, let’s say that you put the Dalai Lama into the role of prison guard. Do you really think he would’ve become cruel? Or is it more likely that he would’ve opened the cell doors and begun a dialogue with his “inmates”? Do you think he would’ve even participated in the experiment, or do you think it more likely that he would’ve just walked out, not wanting to play a game that required him to constrict, even in a pretend way, someone else’s freedom?
What if you’d taken someone like Gandhi and made him a “prisoner”? Would he have become rebellious or depressed? Or is it more likely he would’ve meditated and spread peace amongst his fellow inmates, encouraging them to civil instead of violent disobedience? Not everyone will react the way these students did. They had to first buy into the labels that were handed. They had to accept that a prisoner is a bad person. They had to buy into the punitive nature of the system and agree to act accordingly. They also had to accept the premise that it was their job to control the convicts, rather than changing the directive and looking for a completely different solution, for example. In other words, they had to be a match to the powerlessness that is inherent in the way we treat prisoners and the prison system as a whole. They had to be a match to the idea that others, if given sufficient reason, should be punished. They had to carry a certain amount of powerlessness within themselves (which would not have been hard to find, since the majority of our population still feels powerless to a large degree).
Those who run experiments think that they’ve selected their participants at random, that they represent a certain cross section of the entire population. But that’s never the case. They cannot attract the entire population (no one can). They can only attract those that are already a match to the manifestation they are, themselves, participating in. So, at best, they can conclude that people of a certain vibration (powerless) will react a certain way (become domineering, cruel, rebellious or depressed) when placed into a certain environment (their power is taken away, or they are given power over another, probably for the first time in their lives), assigned specific roles with well-defined beliefs (prisoner, guard) and the direction (probably unspoken but based on the system they already know) to control or be controlled, rather than having the freedom to make unity and understanding the goal.
The outcome is pre-determined
In the summary of the experiment I read, it said that at the end of the six days, no unity was reached between inmates and guards. Well, of course not! If you beat someone over the head with a baseball bat every day for years, and you then give him a baseball bat, the chances are very good that they will hit you with it. When you give those who feel powerless authority, they will almost certainly abuse it (unless they work on their shit and discover their true power, of course). You’ll see this in insecure corporate managers who act like dictators (with or without the “tator”). You can also witness this in insecure parents who get into power struggles with their kids, and dominate their children into respecting their authority, even if their rules make no sense. Prison is simply the most drastic example of this idea, but certainly not the only one.
Even though the students weren’t actually prisoners, they would’ve understood the powerlessness of both the inmates and the guards, and acted accordingly. Their reactions were real, because they were really coming from a place of powerlessness. In other words, just because they hadn’t killed or robbed anyone (or been caught for smoking weed), just because they hadn’t manifested their own powerlessness to the same degree as those who were actually in prison, doesn’t mean that their lack of a sense of control was any different. It was simply less severe.
So, if you consider that the variables in this experiment were very tightly controlled by the Law of Attraction, there really could not have been a different outcome than the one they received. Even studies using babies are subject to this phenomenon, by the way, since a.) those running the experiment still bring their beliefs, expectations and energy to the table and b.) the babies also already have beliefs – those picked up in utero and vibrationally from their parents and environment.
But what about all the cruelty in the world?
At this point in the conversation, I’m usually asked, “but what about all the evil things people do to each other? What about the Holocaust, slavery and genocide, both past and current? What about ISIS and Guantanamo Bay, and corporate executives who pollute the environment, or even just that nasty guy who cut me off in traffic today and then had the added audacity to flip me off?” To that I say that yes, we obviously have the capacity to be cruel to each other, but it’s never random. Cruelty doesn’t just happen. Nothing just happens randomly. Those who hurt have been hurt. Always. Those with a victim vibration will always attract a victimizer, and vice versa (please don’t read that as “blame the victim”, but rather as “let’s solve the victim vibration for once and all”). In fact, those who victimize others are always former (or current) victims themselves.
Being a victim and victimizing others are two sides of the same coin. But here’s the thing: that’s not the only coin in town. When those who are powerless get some power, they often do the only thing they know how to do – turn the table and dominate someone the way they have been dominated. They feel relief in this domination – they have some measure of control, often for the first time in their lives. But this need to control still comes from a place of powerlessness. If you address this underlying lack of power, the whole need to victimize (or be a victim) drops away. And there are a ton of people demonstrating that every day.
So, when someone asks me “what about all the cruelty in the world?”, I throw the question back at them. What about all the kindness? What about all the help that people give each other? What about all the charity? What about all the people who go through their daily lives without bashing anyone’s brains in, and NOT because they don’t want to go to prison, but simply because they don’t want to and generally don’t have any urge to?
It can be disconcerting and even frightening to read up on psychological studies and experiments and draw conclusions about the entire human race (including yourself). But when you take the vibration of the scientists, participants, and the beliefs involved in the parameters of the experiment into account, I promise you that the results will generally make a lot more sense to you. In this case, the study concluded that given the right environment, anyone could potentially react exactly like our prison population and guards do. But instead of using that as an excuse to be afraid (or support your already present fear) that any human could just randomly wig out and start shooting at people, which cannot happen (nothing is EVER random), consider this: all this study really showed is that when you take already powerless people and put them into an environment which makes them feel even more powerless, or allows them to alleviate that powerlessness by controlling others, you fail to achieve peace. What the study also showed is that convicted criminals aren’t inherently different from you and I, and as such, should not be treated as sub-humans. I would love to see this study being used for a reform of our prison system, as well as a change in the disrespect we have for individuality of any kind (not all prisoners are dangerous. In fact, MOST prison inmates in the US are doing time for non-violent offenses, so in many cases, we are locking people away because we disagree with how they live their lives). I’m not at all arguing that we should just let those who are in a murderous rage roam the streets freely, but I also don’t agree that locking them into a box and treating them like they have no value as human beings will cure that rage.
If our environment, both physical and of course, vibrational, can determine how we behave, then shouldn’t we be doing all we can to make that environment as soothing and nurturing and positive as possible? Shouldn’t we be studying what fosters creativity, and genius, and kindness towards others, and peace? Shouldn’t we stop subjecting people to an environment that we KNOW doesn’t lead to a successful outcome and try something else? Shouldn’t we apply this knowledge to our own lives, and create supportive environments within ourselves? I believe that yes. Yes we should. And of course, many of us are already doing just that. We are waking up. We are stepping out of powerlessness. We are lining up with solutions that actually work. We are setting different goals, no longer just wanting defend our powerless stance, but rather moving towards joy and collaboration and community.
In other words, studies such as these are drawing from an ever dwindling pool of eligible participants. Now, doesn’t that feel better?
Oh and another thing, I like the way Cordy expresses himself !
Wow… Awesome writing, writer…
I think I know the answer to the about question ! We all are to learn!
What amazing people we all are !!!!
Thanks Melody… Many smooches back…
I appreciate you doing this, Melody. I enjoyed reading a few of the other blogs. It’s a great way to learn new things and to find out about other awesome bloggers. Is there any way to contact you personally?
Please watch the Halden prison in Norway on YouTube. It’s the exact opposite of a US prison.
In fact Zimbardo has now turned this experiment upside down and working on creating the heroes of the future, as far as I know running intervention programs at schools. These experiments can also teach us about those who refuse to obey (either as a prisoner or a guard) in unfair situations and the number one rule is not bowing down to authority, making your own decisions and listening to our conscience. People doing these things because an authority figure told them to is what these experiments are all about. By taking responsibility for our lives and decisions through LoA, I doubt we would ever turn out to be the torturer even if we were ordered to be by the highest authority.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful post, Melody, on a challenging topic. You explain everything in such no-fuss, clear, simple terms.
I just requested a blog post before I read this but it looks as if you have already answered it!! My question was about the whipping of children from their parents. I watched a video on facebook of a father whipping his daughter with a belt in an attempt to get her to behave. My parents whooped me when I was younger and my father often forced me to follow rules even if it meant hurting me emotionally, psychologically or physically. I now understand that parents who beat their children into submission may feel the illusion of being powerless on the inside.
My fathers family has a long pattern of using dominance and control tactics to get their children to behave, children have no rights at all in that side of the family and they are treated with out respect and similar..to a lesser extent, like prisoners. The pattern continues when those children grow up and have children because they believe parents are supposed to authoritarian tyrants out of fear that unless they are, they are powerless of their children’s ‘natural’ inclination to become terrible people so to speak. Thank you for helping me understand this!!
much love and hugs
Thank you for that insight to our reality. Isn,t that the cake. Wow your work is
wonderful ! Love the way you look at all of this stuff ! You are such an intelligent
I indeed love your vibrations on this topic.
Great post! There’s a chilling movie made about the Stanford experiment called…ahem…”The Experiment.” Adrian Brody is one of the “prisoners,” and Forrest Whitaker is a seemingly mild mannered nice guy who becomes the most sadistic of the “prison guards.”
Super interesting post. I agree with everything you said. Interesting point about how the people involved in the experiment and their vibration,etc..would certainly influence the outcomes. From an LOA, energy perspective, it would be impossible not to.
I too believe that pain and feeling powerless is the root of the lower-energy actions that us humans are capable of. If this knowledge became more widespread and accepted, it would certainly influence how we treat people who have committed such actions. Developing compassion is key to this, but obviously hard, with the current view we have of those who have done wrong in some way.
Really great post Melody… It was just the reminder and explanation I needed and at exactly the right time. Many thanks. Peace, love and light x
Thanks for your reply but I don’t believe in karma, or that the Universe/who we really are ever sees anything we do here in the physical as “wrong” and in need of correction/retribution/lessons to be learned cause we missed something in a previous life.
That’s very true that we never truly know what’s going on in someone else’s vibration, but it’s just hard to comprehend that anyone could have that intense of a vibration of powerlessness that a horrific torture manifestation would occur.
Hi Natalie – I have been reading a lot about Karma lately in the form of our pre-birth plans and decisions. You and Melody are correct that “the Universe/who we really are ever sees anything we do here in the physical as ‘wrong’ and in need of correction/retribution/lessons to be learned cause we missed something in a previous life.” But part of being creators in a dualistic physical universe does involve dealing with the negative sides of our coins and two authors’ books explain these concepts way better than I can: Michael Newton’s Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls and Robert Schwartz’s Your Soul’s Plan and Your Soul’s Gift.
Is it possible some of these “victims” may have had pre birth intentions to mirror large amounts of resistance before incarnating???? Obviously your average, normal person is vibrating some degree of powerlessness, but I just can’t believe someone could have such a vibration of powerlessness to go from one day leading a perfectly normal life, and the next kidnapped and being tortured by a psychopath!
Hi Natalie, although it might be pretty hard for us to comprehend why something like that happens, as you suggest perhaps that victim had a lot of karma to burn off from a past life (I don’t think Melody believes in karma??). By that I mean, perhaps in a past life she tortured someone, and came into this life to burn off that negative karma in an acute manner so that she is free. Also hearing about it would mirror other peoples’ resistance and give them the opportunity to clear it.
Another thing is that, you don’t really know what is going on in other people’s energy fields, they might seem ‘normal’ but they might have fears that attract this experience to them.
Acts of violence certainly can have a healing effect on the human race, I am thinking of certain recent events, where people are asking ‘why?’ and starting to realise that peace and love begins with them and will overcome anger and hatred.
I replied to your comment down below on the blog, I accidentally did it as a new comment instead of a reply 🙂
I have a question about the victims of serial killers/psychopaths. I know it rarely happens, but when a young woman is brutally tortured and raped (sometimes over extended periods of time), it makes me question and doubt the LOA. How could anyone, especially someone young, and from a normal family ever possibly attract that intense of suffering and pain? It seems like no one could ever have such a large amount of resistance, that a situation such as that would be attracted.
Sorry i am in a chatty Kathy mode today.
Your comment reminded me of a book i read by a former FBI official and he had similar thoughts as you. What Melody says makes sense from a psychological and finding a resolution point of view however the practicality of it is still unclear to me too. How about only recruiting people for the justice,defense, and leadership or strategy roles, who are a good energy match and can come up with more creative solution to handle these issues instead of a reactionary and fear based one…but yeah the question of rehabilitation remains…i partly agree with you on this one for now.
A very interesting post Melody. This idea is supported by quantum theory that states that no experiment is truly objective, as everything is always affected by the observer who projects their expectations onto their environment, i.e., everything in the universe is subjective i.e.. we experience what we focus on aka the Law of Attraction!
We could say that locking people away and making them miserable (prison) is on a global scale a kind of projection. Right or wrong, I have certainly felt a sense of satisfaction when a child molester is locked away in a place where everyone has a miserable existence. I (as well as many others) would certainly hate to that they were happy and having a ball! We have all felt gratified by the idea that there is a hell, a place bad people will end up. In a sense that is ‘revenge’ for all the bad things that have ever happened to me that have gone ‘unpunished’. From that place it is hard to feel empathy for someone who has hurt someone else. So prisons are a mass manifestation created by the hurt people in society where we expect them to be punished and miserable because of the unresolved pain in ourselves. I know that is something I have to work on, as by feeling that way I am keeping myself in a victim vibration to an extent and not taking responsibility for the pain I have attracted in the past.
On the other hand, I don’t like to let the offenders off the hook that easily. Although I had a rough start to life and indeed done some questionable things as a result, I have made a concerted effort to overcome that and not use my past as an excuse for treating people like crap. Every day I see people who make zero effort to not take their issues/pain out on other people (actually less and less as I clean up my vibration, now that I think of it!)
Also I really do think that some people will have a hard time being rehabilitated. I think the trauma and lack of love in their early infancy can be so bad for some people that basic human empathy is beyond them and their chance of rehabilitation is such that they cannot be released from prison for fear of reoffending and therapy is useless. What do we do with these people? It’s very sad, however we can’t just let them roam free. Or perhaps nothing is impossible?
One thing that helped me let go of my desire for revenge, was to realize the worst possible punishment for someone who would do something like molest a child, is to be that person, to have crossed that line, to have actually done something the average person finds completely incomprehensible and unconscionable. Can you imagine how much someone must hate themselves to do that? The absolute hell they must live in to find relief in hurting an innocent child? Or how they could ever honestly face what they have done enough to forgive themselves and find peace?
I think there is a reason most people are instinctively repelled by perpetrators and sympathetic to victims (although most people are also repelled by victims to the extant they are afraid themselves, hence the blame the victim phenomena). Perpetrators have the lowest vibrations, so low usually only victims can stand to be near them, or people with high enough vibrations to help them, which is rarer. That kind of hatred of self is going to automatically reflect and manifest something like the prison system.
Every victim is faced with the decision to turn towards or aware from the darkness. For whatever reason, perpetrators do not realize they can turn away, so they turn towards the darkness in a vain attempt to make the unacceptable pain they suffered acceptable. To not see an alternative to that is truly the worst thing that can happen to a pure being of love.
It does seem impossible they can be rehabilitated, but I believe they can. If we hold the highest vision of someone in our hearts, and really believe in them, and intend their complete good, in my experience they will respond. Maybe not all the way. Definitely not all at once, but our love, our forgiveness, our acceptance, has a profound influence on the world.
I send my parents love and intentions for their well-being every day. I choose not to see them, because I don’t want to, but since I have been doing this, my mom has started to going to therapy and trying to help herself, something she never did before.
To elaborate on your point, that low-vibration and self-hatred will manifest an environment like the prison system, and only other low vibration people can stand to be near them, it would stand to reason that some people who work in the prison system, directly with prisoners, such as wardens, would be low vibrating people (unless they are unusually high-vibrating people, but that would pretty challenging on a daily basis) who are attracted to the feeling of power they hold in that position. So you might find that the whole dynamic would be pretty unhealthy anyway. I don’t mean to put down people who work in the prison system – I am just theorising.
I have never been to a prison (touch wood) but it would be interesting to note how it felt. Not so long ago I visited a place that was next to a prison and it does have a very low vibrating feeling even from the outside – grey, steel, barbed wire, ominous, generally not inviting.
Sage, on the subject of forgiving and blessing people, what do you think about proximity? Do you think not wanting to be around someone who has wronged you and you are working on forgiving, means that you have not fully forgiven yet? Do you think ultimately you should be able to (or even want to) walk up to that person and hug them and say sincerely ‘thank you’? Or is not wanting to be around them natural and a reflection of your differing vibrations? The reason I ask is that some people in my recent past who I attracted and created suffering through, I have let go and refuse to see them because they can’t treat me well and respect my boundaries. Since I have done so I feel so much better, but I feel as though I am taking the easy way out. When I happen to see them I don’t have a physical reaction (racing heart, anger) as I used to, but I don’t exactly want to plant a big one on them either.
Earlier in my journey, I actually used to feel that I was obligated to be the ‘better’ person and forgive my mom and have a relationship with her and actively help her, and I made some overtures in that direction, because I had become strong enough to do it without it really bothering me.
What was interesting is being around me caused her deep pain. She would spiral into a several weeks depression afterwords, because in her words, “hope was painful.” I speculate that being around me caused her resistance to surface in a big way, because she has never acknowledged the things she has done, and therefore the feelings that inspired her to do them. She also began to say really horrible things about other people I care about, not me because my vibration did not invite it, to subconsciously push me away. It was like she was repelled like a magnet in the opposite direction.
When I went further along my journey, I realized my simply not wanting to have a physical relationship with her only an energetic one was a perfectly valid reason not to in and of itself. I was justified, just because I did not want to. My intuition was pointing me in that direction for a reason, a reason that may be completely different than my still having resistance. Very possibly having tangible interactions with her would not serve my highest good. And it was being kind to myself to respect what I really wanted.
Also an energetic relationship is as real as a physical one. So being able to love them in your mind is enough to heal you and, to a certain degree, them. It does not have to happen on the physical plane to be official.
We are trained from a young age, especially people from challenging backgrounds, to prize other people’s happiness and comfort above our own, but they are not more important, and moreover we can’t control their feelings, only influence them to the extant they allow. Dysfunctional parents often say thing like, “you made me mad,” or “you’re bad, so you brought xyz punishment on yourself.” They are giving their power away, so it is very natural for a child to believe them and feel responsible for their feelings and actions. But you aren’t. And you literally can’t be, even if you wanted to.
People who get into LOA often already have a heightened sense of responsibility to begin with, since most people I know who do not like the idea, do not like it because it freaks them out to be held so responsible.
The easy way out is the only way out. The way of kindness. The way of love. The way of gentleness. The way of self respect. It is not true kindness to be kind to others, at the expense of yourself. You completely deserve the easy way out.
THANK YOU so much Melody,
I’m so glad you answered my question I am truly honored and greatful!
You make so much sense and it made more peaceful.
Love you forever <3
One word to all of this: yes. This sums up a lot of what I’ve contemplated on for the past year or so as I’ve come to understand society and utilize that understanding in the “work” I do on myself, blablabla. It’s like society’s own premise (that we’re powerless) is it’s downfall (not to sound “doom and gloom”), but due to the fact that we aren’t really taught to be self-aware, the correlation there isn’t really noticed… Although it’s starting to be. Instead, it seems that people tend to blame what’s outside of themselves, which also comes back to the premise too. I see that a lot of limiting beliefs stem from looking at something at face value, and drawing conclusions about it from that perspective. It began to dawn on me… How much “truth” can be derived from doing that…? If the premise itself changed, I think a lot of positive changes would ensue, because people would be thinking and feeling differently about themselves and their lives. I once had a fortune in a fortune cookie (which I’ve held onto) that said, “The ancestor of every action is a thought.” Looking at things this way has really helped soothe a lot of my fears. And you’re right, a few years ago I did actually believe that some people were just randomly “evil” as you said, but I don’t view it that way anymore. Kind of why I like the show Criminal Minds because they really focus on the, well, mind and psychology of the criminal. I also don’t look at things like money the same way anymore. Yesterday I was watching a reality show with my mom (don’t judge me lol), and two of the most materialistic women turned out to be the most insecure. I knew it had nothing to do with the money, that it didn’t “make them” that way. At one point in the show, the people were challenged to open up about experiences that really affected the way they think and feel about themselves. It was interesting and… endearing? In a way, understanding where these people’s anger, sadness or insecurities were stemming from. That it wasn’t just random, and it wasn’t “because of” money or fame or whatever. Sorry, rambling. All in all, I like the post, if that wasn’t clear already. 🙂
On a completely unrelated note…i love NCIS..more humorous…and the reality show..the millionaire matchmaker..i know…plz dont judge me..hugs:)
I totally agree, Melody! What an awesome post! I discuss the Milgram experiment in my book, Happiness is the Truth. Let me know if you want a copy and I will send you one.
My father was a sadistic psychopath. He literally murdered my pet cats in front of me for the express purpose of torturing me, and did much, much, worse besides. And my mother who was raised in a very nice, only slightly dysfunctional family, gradually became sucked into accepting this situation and even participating in it. So I have thought a lot about this subject.
I take somewhat of an issue with the idea that people become what their childhood dictates, it has a certain seductive explanatory power–evil is frightening, so we want to understand it, so it won’t happen to us, but I have not found that to be true in my experience. Ultimately, it comes down to choice. The choice to embrace the dark or embrace the light.
My first big manifestation was my mother leaving and divorcing my father. I prayed for it every night. He received no custody, but we lost everything we owned and went on welfare and food stamps, which began my money issues and a pattern of having to lose everything to get into a better place, which I have since resolved. I have not seen my father now for twenty years. Neither I, nor my siblings, have a relationship with him or my mother, although I forgive them and genuinely wish them to find peace.
Despite my childhood, I am a happy person with a great life. The few people I have told about my past, are always completely shocked, and say I don’t seem like someone who experienced trauma like that at all. A surprisingly large percentage of them forget I ever told them about it, even going so far as to say I don’t know what it is like to be abused when they are explaining someone else’s behavior, because it doesn’t fit into their belief system, that an enthusiastically bubbly, intelligent, kind person like me could have experienced horrors.
Well over a dozen people have told me I am the person they admire most in the world. Most know nothing of what I experienced in the past. I say this not to brag, just to further illustrate that childhood is in no way destiny.
My siblings all turned into wonderful, well-adjusted people, and they credit me with raising them. We all get along really well. My youngest brother is struggling the most currently, even though he experienced the least extreme trauma, as we left when he was a baby.
From the time I was a tiny child, I stood up to my father, and defended my siblings and my mother. If he was going after one of them, I would insult him, so he would go after me instead.
At this time my victim switch was turned on. My first grade teacher used to choke me, actually choke me. She would pick the weakest student every year and single them out for abuse. Because my teacher hated me, my fellow classmates followed suit. They didn’t have to do this. They chose to. Still, no one helped me. I couldn’t have met people who would have. I remember the exact moment my victim switch turned off. It happened in a snap. From then on, I never let anyone be cruel to me or anyone else around me in any way, and soon no one tried.
Quite a few of the kids who tortured me in grade school, asked me out in high school, funnily enough. I have to admit, it was satisfying to turn them down.
I say all this because a lot of blame the victim, and excuse the perpetrator, gets bandied about in loa circles (not here), when both of those states is simply a choice. No one has to hold on to any pain. They can let go. Even with everything I have been through, I still believe everyone is intrinsically good and perfect. Even seeing it up close, I still do not understand why some people choose to embrace the blackest darkness, but they do.
Interesting side note, I spent hours meditating on the lotus position as a small child, even though I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist household. From the time I was a baby, I would twist myself into advanced yoga positions and hold them for long periods of time, as would my sister. This and some other details, led me to believe we may have shared a past life as monks in India.
I think many children who choose to be born into the type of situation I was are actually advanced lightworkers, choosing to play a more challenging version of this cosmic game of expansion. And the people who create these dark realities, may just be less experienced in physical reality creation. Momentarily unskilled, but not evil. As Jesus said, “They know not what they do.” It’s the explanation that feels best to me.
You have a beautiful way of conveying things and you raise some interesting points. I am from India and suffered childhood abuse too. I would do the same as you…try to defend my sister but somehow my courage would fail when it was time to defend myself. After hearing about the secret in my B-school..i searched for LOA and found Melody’s blog. It openend my eyes.
I didnt know that a choice existed. That my past didnt matter and neither did it define me.So i dont know what to say to you…but the more i look at my mother who hasn’t left my father…i agree with you…i think a choice always exists… at the very least to keep looking for the answers till you find peace.
Oh and i love yoga too…but not as adept at it as you…i guess.
Lots of hugs..take care????
Forgive the question marks please…my blessed phone????
Thank you Solace. You are very kind, and you are right, realizing that a choice is there is 99% of the work.
Every day, I still see new things I can change that I used to assume were outside of my power to influence. Whenever I am tempted to ignore thinking about a subject because it is painful, I have trained myself to look at it and change how I think about it instead, so that I feel good. The things I try to ignore, are the things I am assuming I am powerless over.
It is like being a fish, and realizing you are in water. It takes a lot of practice to develop these skills, and many people never even realize they can.
We are the lucky ones! And we can use are real-life super powers to help everyone else realize their own super powers. Lots of hugs:)
Sage, it is so great to see real life examples of courage like you and Melody.
You seem ahead of the curve than me but i have a feeling that i would get there soon and join the supergirl club:)…lots of hugs!
Totally agree! And Yes it does feel so much better to remember that more and more of us are waking up.. Thank you . Love Bernie xxx