Awesome Dudette’s Burning Question is:
“Why did I align with the vibration of my 24yr old son having a horrific car accident, which has probably left him with life changing brain injuries?
I have been following your work for a few years now, so I know enough that his accident is part of his life’s journey, something that he matched up with. So I’m not thinking that my vibration caused him to have this accident. But there must still be something that I matched with, because I now have a very sick son and am facing a very different life to the one we were enjoying together. Also, as he is still in a coma and we don’t yet know the extent of his brain damage, I feel like I have some influence over the outcome just by staying focused on my vibration and a positive outcome. Can I really change his life?”
Here’s my answer.
Well awesome Dudette, I’m glad you asked this question, even though it’s a bit heavier, because there are a lot of people out there right now, who are struggling with similar situations. I’m glad you haven’t moved into self blame, thinking that you somehow created this accident for him.
Why did this happen?
I want to talk about his part in the manifestation, for a moment, because this tends to get so greatly misunderstood. This kind of dramatic event does not happen because he was thinking a few negative thoughts. It didn’t happen because he wasn’t positive enough and then he had a big old car crash. That’s not how that happens. These kind of massive life changing events are a way to crack open a different path and gain access to a perspective that we otherwise would never have gained access to; particularly when they happen at a fairly young age. What has happened here is that your Son is a very, very ambitious young man. He’s a very ambitious Soul and he’s wanting to have a life experience that this event will allow him to have.
Now, having said that, you don’t even know what that’s going to look like. So don’t descend into what Doctors might call, “Being realistic” where they name all the things that might go wrong with him, just so they can cover their butts and don’t get sued if they’ve left something off the list. Ignore all of that and focus on him being ok. You have no idea what the extent of his injuries are going to be or if he’s going to completely recover from them. So why not tell yourself the story that feels really, really good, instead of telling yourself, “Oh God, I’ve got to get ready for this Son who’s never going to be alright again.”
This is also your manifestation, not in terms of you causing his accident, or any bullshit like that, but your experience of this situation, is your manifestation. What has come up for you here is what your manifestation is. And I’ve got to tell you, you and your Son are in this together. You are also about to have your world cracked open and you’re being given access to a perspective that you otherwise would never have got access to.
Unfortunately we are still in the vibration of the globe and the vibration of the universe where often, it’s only through trauma that we’re able to make these big, gigantic changes in our lives.
A different perspective
Do not assume, that what’s about to happen is going to be horrible though. Even if your Son ends up differently-abled, notice I’m not saying disabled; I’m saying differently-abled, because we tend to look at people who are differently-abled and think, “Your experience is worst than it would be, if you had all of your abilities.” That’s so condescending, because we have to honor all experiences. So if somebody is differently-abled from us, it doesn’t mean that their experience can be judged to be worse. It’s their experience and they are having it for a reason.
As weird as this might sound, if you can start to look at this as an adventure – it’s not always going to be an easy adventure; sometimes it’s going to be a bit rough going. Like I said, your Son is ambitious. See it as an adventure that will, down the road, become clear how worth it, it is. Then you’re going to be setting yourself up to get all the gifts that this can give you, without having such a bumpy ride along the way. Of course, there are going to be really hard moments and there are going to be moments that absolutely suck. And you don’t want to paint a happy picture on that or try to put a smile on it, even just to uplift him. You want to be honest with yourself about how you feel. So, if you need to cry – cry, if you need to be angry – be angry. Let it all out. What’s going to come out here is a massive amount of resistance. A lot of it is going to be about control issues. There’s nothing you can do to make this go away. You couldn’t have stopped it. That’s going to make you feel really powerless and that powerlessness is going to what to come up. You are going to have an opportunity here to let that out. This can be seen as a horrific event that lets you steep into powerlessness for years or it can be seen as an opportunity.
What I’m feeling from you and from what you said in your question, you’re really close to already realizing that. I’m really proud of you for getting there, my happy shiny puppy, who isn’t that happy shiny at the moment, but you’ll get there again.
What can you do for your Son?
Can you affect his experience? Can you change his life? Well, yes and no. You can’t manifest in his experience but you can manifest in your own. That means you can manifest a version of him that looks quite different. That might sound like I’m saying the same thing; that you can control the other person, but here’s the big difference in that. If you’re trying to manifest in his experience, you’re focused on him and you need him to get better, or you need him to feel a certain way, so that you can feel good. If you focus on your own experience, now you’re going to focus on your own emotion, you’re going to work with your own emotion and you’re going to take care of yourself. You are going to do what feels good to you, without putting the burden of responsibility on him to feel better or to get better. So, let it be ok, whatever his experience is. You have no idea what it’s going to look like. Go ahead and focus on it being good, not to make that happen but because it feels a lot better for you to do so. And then, let it unfold, perfectly as it will. Look for the gifts in every experience, they will be there, if you look for them. They can be found.
The parts of this journey that are going to be difficult
You may want to make yourself responsible for being his rock, to always keep uplifting him, but you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. That means you can’t always be trying to cheer him up, let him also sit with his anger and let him sit with the frustration. Whatever comes up for him, you’re going to want him to work through that as well. This means, you need to make peace with his discomfort, you need to be comfortable with his discomfort. This doesn’t mean you need to be happy about his discomfort but you want to become so stable that even in his discomfort you see who he really is. You see this powerful, ambitious creator, who has come here and partnered with you to crack open an experience that you would never otherwise have been able to have. You have no idea where this is leading but trust me if you’re on my blog, it’s probably going to lead to something world changing!
That was my A to your Q. If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would find it valuable as well. And if you have any questions, light or heavy, join the discussion by leaving a comment below.
Huge happy shiny puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.