I’ve never really shied away from the difficult topics. In fact, I pride myself on answering any question that is asked of me, no matter how skeptical or hairy. I don’t think that one can claim that this Law of Attraction-based mindset works for everything, and then not be willing to address the more painful topics. Today, I delve into just such a subject – the suffering and death of children. A reader asks why a neighbor’s teenager had to die, and why another neighbor’s child is critically ill. How can we be deliberate and powerful creators and still attract such misery? Watch the video below for my answer.


Awesome Aidan’s Burning Question:

“I love your approach and I feel very comfortable with the LOA and the world view it represents.

However, I have a neighbor whose 14 year old son, last year, walked out in front of a van and died instantly (by accident). I have another neighbor whose 2 year old daughter, after 6 major operations, is close to being offered palliative care. She has cancer. What does the LOA say about such cases? If I speak to my neighbors about their children, and the opportunity will come up, what can the LOA teach me that I may share with them that in some way may help them deal with such incomprehensible loss?

Thanks for any understanding you can give on this difficult and very challenging topic.”


Awesome Aidan, thank you so much for asking this question and allowing me to answer it. This really is a difficult one that a lot of people tend to shy away from because the answer isn’t always easy to hear. It’s not an easy question to answer and it’s also not a fun question to ask or answer, but this is part of our lives.

The first question that I want to answer for you is:

What can you do to make their pain better in some way?

The thing is, in the beginning, nothing. Nothing at all. There is no platitude or explanation that you can offer to somebody who’s just lost their child or who is in utter despair about their child’s illness that will help them to feel better.

I’ve coached several people through this process and I can tell you that in the beginning when you’ve just lost your child, there’s absolutely nothing that anybody can say to make it better. People can make it worse though, by offering platitudes and by “trying” to help a lot of the time. The person who is grieving finds themselves in the trap of trying to cater to all of the people who are trying to make their own grief better. What these people are really doing in that moment is trying to soothe themselves by saying, “If you are grieving, I want help with your grief so that I can feel better by helping you.” If you’re doing that, then you’re not in a position to help.  So, if you really want to help, you have to put yourself into a higher vibrational state and see what you’re inspired to do.

The things that you can do in the very beginning are: You can offer to bring food and you can offer to sit with them and just allow them to have their emotions. Don’t try to make them feel better in that state. It isn’t going to work and it’s just going to put more burden on them; it’s just going to be more annoying to them. It can, again, put them into the awkward position of trying to make you feel better which means they are now not dealing with their own grief.

Why does this kind of thing happen?

As time passes the explanations I’m about to give you may or may not be helpful to these people (the grieving parties) but I’m not really talking to them right now, I’m talking to you. So here’s my answer to why these things happen, and this makes us go a little bit further down the rabbit hole. When we are talking about death, we have to talk about the idea that there really is no death. Consciousness never actually goes anywhere; energy never ceases to exist; it simply transforms; it simply transitions. It goes into a different state so when we “die”, we are withdrawing our focus from our physical bodies, but who we really are very much continues on.

I want to make my next point very, very clear because this is such a misconception for a lot of people who study The Law of Attraction and Reality Creation. This young person that died didn’t die because somebody did something wrong, or because they were thinking bad thoughts, or because their parents were thinking bad thoughts; that’s not how that happens. You can’t bad-think yourself to death! Every death only ever happens when it’s the next logical manifestation on somebody’s personal path. That means that this person experienced all they needed and wanted to experience in this physical reality, and they continued their journey, their path, which is much, much greater than one physical life. They continued on that path and they continued to manifest, and those manifestations were better served in the non-physical. They (the “deceased”) didn’t actually go anywhere. The people in the non-physical are all around us and we can connect with them and communicate with them anytime we like, but we have to be in the right vibrational state. That is not grief, that is not despair, and it’s not anger. It’s actually a state of love. This is not something that somebody who has just lost their child is likely to be able to accomplish right now, but down the line they can.

I’ve coached people two months after their child’s death and they were able to get into a state where they received messages from their transitioned children; it doesn’t have to take years. BUT, please do not ask somebody who has just experienced that kind of loss to feel better. A lot of times we are doing that so that we can feel better which is not a fair thing to do. You know, kind of like, “Own your own shit!”

Why do children get sick?

In your question you talked about your neighbour’s two year old daughter who is sick; she has cancer, and she’s going through this experience. This is going to be a very unsatisfying answer, I get that, so I’m going to try and smooth it out as much as I can.

There is value to be had in that kind of experience. That is not the same thing as saying this two year old wants to suffer; clearly this two year old does not want to suffer. They have come in very courageously, very ambitiously, to work through some of our darkest belief systems on this earth and to help us to shift them. Their entire family and everyone who has heard about it who is affected by it, including you (you are affected by it), are part of that shifting. There are still unfortunately, deep dark energies on this earth (not evil, not demons and nothing can encroach upon your reality that you are not a match to). They are there and there’re some really screwy beliefs about suffering that are being mirrored back to us through these wonderful courageous souls. We need to honor them and support them with our energy, not look at them as though they deserve it or that they’ve done something wrong.

The only emotion that I can only ever suggest that you can bring up in these kinds of situations is compassion, and true compassion does not include pity. Pity is a diminishing of that person’s power.  Do not diminish the person’s power by saying, “You are somehow in a bad place; something has gone wrong for you.” Compassion is simply an acceptance of the situation. Sending them love and helping in whatever way you’re inspired to will actually be adding to their empowerment. 

What does that look like?

That might look like visiting somebody in the hospital and simply making them laugh instead of sitting there and lamenting with them about how crappy their situation is. You would not believe how much of a difference that can make. When you are talking to people who are ill, a lot of the times, they will tell you (not all of them, it depends on where they are on their journey), “OMG thank you for just coming in and treating me like a human being, not like I’m sick, and laughing with me and gossiping with me and talking about something other than my illness so that I can focus on feeling better.” It does bring them a lot of relief.

Here’s the thing though, you can’t really ever judge somebody else’s journey because you can’t really know anybody else’s journey. I can’t tell you precisely why this two year old is going through this or why this 14 year old is going through this; all I can give you are general answers. Those general answers can be highly unsatisfying, depending on where you are in your vibration.

Hopefully this has been of benefit to you and to others who have manifested this video, but if it’s not then just understand that you can disregard this information and continue to search for the information that does help you to feel better. This isn’t going to be the answer for everybody because not everybody is a vibrational match to it and that’s ok.

I hope I’ve answered your question and if you think that this will be beneficial for others, please do share it on social media; I think this is an important message.  Let the people who are ready to manifest it, do so.

If you have something to add to this discussion, some experiences of your own, if you’ve gone through this experience and have helpful tips for others, then please do leave a comment below.

Thank you so much for your questions, this has been this week’s Q&A, and I’ll see you next time.


Other Posts You Might Like...

Access our LOA Vault!

Get instant access to all our FREE resources, including courses, workbooks and a bonus chapter for my book!

  • People are always looking to place meaning on everything.

    including the death of children and other unpleasant events.

    this is simple the brain looking to figure things out. but the answer is never satisfactory.

    the bottom line is the universe is beyond the understanding of our minds.

    I like Osho’s approach where he recommends just becoming aware of the thought of trying to find meaning…that in itself is enough.

    just to aware.

    you will be suprised what happens.

  • What if you happen to be a very good illusionist. Make people
    believe they could do stuff they could not do in there hold imaginary
    life ! Would not that be the impossible ! What do you think ? Are you
    that Illusionist ! Why not ! What if you could make me believe I could
    jump off of that buggy cord with-out of a dough ! Not in hope, absolute
    no… Not in your dreams.

  • Okay, let us say what if I do not want to learn any of this,
    why do we need to learn any thing ! Okay that is cool okay
    too. If you do not want to learn any thing that is okay too !
    But, this is why we are here. We are here to acknowledge
    our own acceptance ! This is very hard to grasp in our very
    own nature !

  • You all create yourself, simultaneously, yes that fast as we speak,
    it only take total thought to change any desire, you wish to flow
    in… All you have to do is open your mind to total, I can do that.

  • Hey Sandy,

    How are you? Me I am sad too, I thought that Santa would come forth and
    bring me a sleigh, but all I got was a ta bogon. Bottom line is, you are Santa…
    Totally !

  • Hi Melody,

    Im whrigting all the way from sweden, i have just started a blogg for fun whrigtng about thinhs that makes me happy, i wrote to one of the biggest blogger in sweden for some feedback,wish bloggers does she follows and linked to my blog, she did not answer my question but the nex day,she wrote a super long text on whay she now dosent belive in the law of attraction as she did before, ever since she got children, she is saying that its just luck she was born in the right country,she is only lucky her children is not in a war. she wrote many things trying to prove that this law dosent exict, now this made me sad, i had just started a blog and then i saw that and the hole country comenting about that she finaly has grownrd up and nobody said anything about the law.
    i dont know why that happend, but please please can you make a post on what she is saiying. she actually even speaks about Oprah how wrong ahe is in her reflection about the secret, (she has her book) her blog is called http://www.blondinbella.se

  • I had read about prayers one can recite while dying, this way one will actually remember the previous life in the next one, thus accelerating the road to enlightenment. The prayer I think was given by a guru master to the interested person, but it was generalized enough for this purpose. Really interesting stuff!

  • If you read books about people who have “died” and then been revived, (as in near-death experiences), they all say that the ‘other side’ was so beautiful that the best things on earth pale in comparison and that they don’t want to come back. They say that they have lost their fear of death and actually look forward to dying. So when you hear those stories, death doesn’t seem so bad after all. And according to LOA we can control the experiences we have on earth (or know that we have chosen them), so in fact it really is all going to be all right. I have been through a lot of horrible stuff and there is always something to be learned from it, it all comes down to perspective.

  • Hey melody,
    Awesome post, sorry I was away, but I also received your awesome book !
    Remember the 3 positives.


    BELIEF or belief…

    yes compulsive only if you are here okay you can also be on the other side
    This will be very hard for you to dicier,but it will take you time.

  • Bob,

    There’s a reason you’ve not experienced LOA effects and it’s contained in your post.

    To say it doesn’t work means you must have tried it, correct? Otherwise who’s experience are you talking about, if not your own? So you’ve tried it and it didn’t work.

    You say “…even if it did [exist] one would have to put so much effort into it that we would not be able to manage it anyway”. This is where it all fell down. This thing you say about the effort required is a thought, not a reality. No effort is required. The less effort you apply the better. Low effort implies high expectations and this is what you lack.

    God does exist if God = Life. Or if God = the Totality of Existence. Right? Depends how you define it.

    And yes, the body does completely disintegrate after death, never to be re-born. What gets re-born, if anything, is desire. Unfulfilled desires attract new bodies and so the cycle continues until enlightenment. So the story goes.

  • hi melody- don’t mean to rock anybody’s boat- firstly let me say i like the way you explain things- however i must say that i have a better way of putting the following has i am now very old and have had much experience with peoples different attitudes and can say this’
    most people unlike me do not believe in the continuation of life and even the ones that do would find it impossible to take on board that their beloved child for instance decided to cut life short on this side his/herself before coming into this incarnation- in fact you would more likely be looked upon as a total loony or headcase if you even tried to explain to these people because they either believe or they do not and most do not- the most common thing you hear is (how wicked is it that a child should suffer and why does A god of any kind allow it) well the short answer to that is god does not exist as the kind of deity we are told in our belief systems (long story) it as taken me many decades to get where i am now and i would not even consider that i know much at all because mere man could never take on board so much info, but i do know people and i know exactly what most if not all would say to me if i said to them that their child brought all this on their self by their own wish (pre birth) you see they do not believe in any of this stuff so their only reaction would be to think that i was totally insane- i know believe me, and i like the way you avoided this by the way when you said you can’t help people in grief, (tricky melody) NEVERTHELESS i like your style, it must be said that we would only be ridiculed if we went around telling such truth’s – however melody and this is where me and you disagree (LOA DOES NOT EXIST) i have had well over 40 yrs to find that one out, positive thinking being mirrored back to us from the universe i am afraid does not happen and even if it did one would have to put so much effort into it that we would not be able to manage it anyway, i am sorry but that’s it- everything else you say i can get behind, i would like it more if you were more in depth about the other side and spirit guides etc but may be you consider this not to be in your remit or just do not want to (as we say) put the cart before the horse- because we are dealing with people who do not know or understand spirit, ok melody luv- you talk a lot of sense and i know what a hard job it is trying to help and get across to non believers without being seen as a freak or a basket case, be good and hope you are on YOUR life’s track- bob xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • YES!!!!!!!!! Amazing post. I love it. I wanted to say that I really appreciate the part where you point out that “trying to make someone feel better” when they aren’t in a place where they can, can trap that person in a thing where now they both feel terrible and have to carry the burden of pretending to feel better so you can feel better…. I have so much experience being in the trap, myself, and I’m doing what I can where I am to stop engaging with it (I now say “I don’t want to talk about it because I can’t be cheerful about it” to people I feel comfortable with, and just leave the conversation with others, haha) but just recently I have been noticing how much I am still tempted to do it to others! SO CRAZY, even when I now know that it won’t help and in fact is hurtful. It’s really hard for me to be present with someone else’s pain. I used to think people were full of woo about being “an empath” but… more recently I have been realizing that, as a model, it explains any number of weird things I have. I would love some writing from you on training yourself to stay out of other peoples’ vibrations and emotions more effectively for those who are very sensitive to that stuff, if you feel inspired! Anyway, I’m trying to recognize when I’m doing this forcible cheering-up to others and just say “That sounds really hard”, but man, I catch myself in the act of trying to make someone feel better so I can stop feeling their feelings at least a couple of times a day.

    Anyway, I wanted to say, to the world in general, that sometimes people have a perspective that the separateness of individual human consciousness is real and continues after death or across lifetimes, and also that death is “real” and finite, and end to some part of that consciousness forever. Other people believe that in fact, division and limitation are illusions that allow us to have certain experiences. So when you identify – this person is doing a terrible thing to an innocent person – of course from our human perspective, that is awful. But some believe (well, many – I think this is the basic underlying idea of many religious teachings) that behind the illusion, we are all God trying on different masks to have different experiences we would not be able to have if we did not choose to experience the illusion of limitation.

    Contemplating this has been helpful for me. (But I recognize that not everyone is standing in a place where this perspective is soothing, and that’s okay too.)

    • So when you identify – this person is doing a terrible thing to an innocent person – of course from our human perspective, that is awful. But some believe (well, many – I think this is the basic underlying idea of many religious teachings) that behind the illusion, we are all God trying on different masks to have different experiences we would not be able to have if we did not choose to experience the illusion of limitation.

      Please explain what exactly you mean and I would be happy to comment. I could go ahead and give my five cent’s worth based on what I think you are saying.

  • I dont understand this. if we have to gain understanding from someone elses experience, then why them specifically?
    how do you explain the rape of a child? how do you explain the barbaric way we humans treat animals? or even humans treat humans

  • Well Melody, I would just like to say that you have answered this very intelligently, beautifully..in a very smart way indeed. You are awesome in this stuff. Best one. 🙂

  • I really love the way you can handle any subject, no matter how controversial, with such grace. I particularly resonated with this post, as it perfectly reflects my views on the matter. i remember when my grandfather died a little over a year ago, and while grieving, I realized that I wasn’t really crying for him; who would I? He has moved on, according to his own plan, and he is exactly where he is supposed to be. I was crying for my own loss, as it somehow felt that big parts of my childhood were gone with him, and I remember that it felt good to cry. Perhaps his passing triggered a shift in me (I guess it’s always the case; when someone dies, the shift challenges everyone affected to shift as well. Maybe that’s what grieving really is?).

    I’ve also viewed death very differently after it briefly visited me in the emergency unit after I was hit by a truck. As I was laying in the hospital bed, before the doctors knew the extent of the damage, I was thinking “well, if this is it, no regrets. It was a good life and I’m ready to go, if that’s what this all really comes down to.” The thought felt good and comforting, there was no fear, nothing. I haven’t feared death or even seen it as a negative manifestation after that. It just is. The last manifestation everyone will face sooner or later. So why fear? And I’m thankful for that experience as it really changed me in many ways. Especially because as my husband happens to be 27 years older than I am, and it will be pretty impossible for us to grow old together. One day I will have to let him go, and I can only hope that on that day I will be enlightened enough to do it with love, instead of fear.

  • Melody, I am fkn in awe of you. I myself have a somewhat different interpretation of the subject at the crux of this discussion, but as you yourself have said, we need to embrace that frequency of truth which we naturally resonate with.

    Nevertheless, I can’t praise you enough for addressing this question head on and providing such a detailed, valuable and meaningful response. [Bows head respectfully.]

    You’re brilliant. Thank you so much for all the positivity you convey into our world.

  • I like this question and your answer, but I’m still confused about how exactly Pre-Birth Intentions and Law of Attraction can coexist. Can pre birth intentions “override” Law of Attraction? If someone has a consistently high vibration, then how could they attract something they consider unwanted even if they had a prebirth intent of doing so?

    • I second that Natalie. It is something that I have asked for many years. Many spiritual teachers tell us that we have free will, and yet we also have lessons to learn? If the LOA is a law like gravity, then it is a law and should apply to anyone. And as you state, if someone has a consistently high vibration then why should they end up in a freak accident or become terminally ill for example?

      Too many confusing theories out there!!!

        • Me too. Thank you Melody, I shall look out for it:) It is the one question I get asked all of the time when teaching LOA and creating your reality, and I really don’t have an answer apart from what has already been discussed. Its the “fly in the ointment” as they say!!

  • Hi Melody,

    This sentence: “This young person that died didn’t die because somebody did something wrong, or because they were thinking bad thoughts, or because their parents were thinking bad thoughts”.

    It’s well known in medicine that negative beliefs have a MASSIVE effect on health. And this occurs whether the beliefs are held by the patient, carer or both. So I’d have to say that it’s quite possible people die due to their beliefs.

    If it wasn’t the case that a person could die directly as a result of beliefs held, then the whole LoA thing would fall apart. A law is a law. Either it applies across the board or it doesn’t apply at all.

      • Come on now, that’s a cop out answer and you know it! Death is a huge negative for anyone who’s not enlightened, and that’s all of us.

        So if we ssume that the child dies because of negative beliefs (probably some very core ones), then we have to investigate why. Are these karmic? Did the child kill someone else’s child in a former life? It’s easy to dismiss such possibilities, but at least it makes some sort of sense.

        Right now, somewhere in the world, someone is torturing or killing a child. We know that’s a FACT of life. The person doing the killing or torturing will at some point feel guilty. Maybe at the end of his/her life, maybe in an after life review (if such things exist, who knows), and then this belief of “badness” has to either be released or punished. Punitive style karma doesn’t have to imply a God-with-a-lightning-bolt religious system; we are more than capable of punishing ourselves. And this may happen over subsequent lifetimes.

        • … but of course release from karma is preferable (achieved through spiritual growth). Suffering self-punishment may be extremely hard to avoid, perhaps impossible. A child has no awareness of the deeper karmic imprints he has brought into the world, and nor does his poor mother.

          Let’s be really real about life – it can involve absolute horrors. The deep questions need very deep answers.

          • I like the way you think. I’ve always had deep questions that never seem to be answered to my satisfaction. Guess I’ll keep seeking.

          • C.J., I agree with you. It’s alot deeper. We are brought into this world with imprints whether it is from another lifetime or this one. I work with a Spiritual Mentor who breaks energetic cords. She is amazing! I’ve also studied with LOA coach for 12 mos. I believe a person can create their own death and I don’t mean suicide. I had a neighbor who was absolutely miserable in her own skin. She was morbidly obese and in alot of physical pain. Her quality of life was horrid. She was also a smoker. Last year, she got very ill and died in the hospital. There is no doubt she created her own death. She couldn’t kill herself but got sick enough that there was no turning back. There is much to be learned in this Universe. It’s not black/white. Thanks for your input. Very enlightening!

        • Hey CJ, I didn’t say that suffering was not a negative manifestation. But to me, death is not. It’s just part of the natural order of things. All I can do is give you my perspective, of course. To me, death is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It simply is. Just like moving to Florida when you retire, or going off to college, or moving to another country. You change form, but you do not cease to exist. Far from it. Will everyone view it this way? Nope. But I’m not really here to convert people or preach to anyone and convince them that this is “the truth”. It’s not. It’s my truth. And some of it may resonate with you. Like I said in the video, if it doesn’t, that’s ok, too. Keep searching.

          Huge hugs,


          • Hi Meldoy,

            Thanks for the reply. I know you’re not trying to convert anyone. I don’t get that feeling.

            *For me* death is negative. The way I know this is that if I was in a situation where my life was threatened I would do everything possible to prevent it. I would fight tooth and nail to resist and prevent it. I would also do this for others, to prevent them and me suffering.

            If I was enlightened, I might view death as an interesting event, a bit like changing jobs, but for me it doesn’t feel like that at all – it has a totally different feel. If you honestly feel relaxed about bodily death, that’s pretty amazing. Do you really mean that? Would you not fight to stay alive if someone threatened you?

            I think of spiritual growth as being a transition from will power to allowing. A good guide, perhaps.


          • CJ,
            I think your beliefs in death and suffering are eclipsing some of the valuable ideas that Melody is trying to share. It sounds like you are misunderstanding some of the concepts and lashing out because you do not like/understand what you are hearing. I’m sorry for that. This is a hard topic. Not every idea can resonate for everyone.

            This article was very impowering to me. My son suffered the sudden loss of a teammate last week in a freak accident at a local park. The boy was 16. The entire community has been struggling with this. I found myself face to face with the teen’s parents 36 hours after his death. Having worked in critical care and having lost both my parents at a relatively young age, I have seen so much suffering and death, yet this was a new situation for me and very painful. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and I also knew that nothing I said could help. The parents met about 150 of us from this team to grieve together. They were very calm and open. I ended up giving each a long hug, and told them we would be with them for long term love and support and to lean hard on us. They were so open to receiving the communities love. I probably would not have been able to get out of bed had this been me!

            Anyway, I happened to drive by the huge memorial at the place in the park where he died. I was running an errand today and suddenly realized when I saw all the flowers. I have not been able to get out of this funk until I sought out and read Melody’s article. I will still wonder about these tragedies and seek out opinions, but I feel in my bones tonight that this young man is at peace.

  • It must be something in the air. (It is that time of year, after all.) I just posted about this very same subject a few days ago at my blog. Very good post, Melody, as always. But I found it very cool that we were both on this topic just now. They say the “Veil between the worlds” is thinnest at this time of year, and thoughts of those who’ve passed through it seem to be more prevalent.

    Lots of love,

  • Hey Melody
    What a wonderful answer to such a tough question. I love how you are able to explain these thornier issues. What stood out to me most was stressing the misconception about the loa that somehow these people must have done something to attract something so terrible, as if some punishment for being negative. I think the word ‘attract’ can have a strong charge to it and people take it to mean something it doesn’t. Like you said, every experience has some sort of value and I think that what is happening here is beyond the understanding of our mind…we can get it to some degree but never fully I think. Making peace with not fully understanding was a huge help for me in my own transition to deliberate creator.

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

    access the free video course now:

    are you a spiritual gladiator?

    Find out why you've always been different, why life seems to painful to you, and why you're actually incredibly important.