If you have been anywhere but living under a rock over the last few months, you can’t help but notice how prejudice and racism has been coming up in the consciousness of the entire planet more and more, and how things have become more volatile. But, believe it or not, this isn’t all bad. As I’m looking at all the stories coming in and watching what is happening in the world, I’m seeing how people are willing to have these conversations, and for the first time acknowledge that we may have a problem. There is a purpose to all this, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
So, while today’s video deals with a seemingly heavy topic, prejudice and racism, my aim is actually to offer a perspective that will give you hope and open you up to solutions. Watch the video below to find out more.
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Transcript
Today’s topic is a big one! We are going to be talking about prejudice and racism. If you’ve been anywhere but living under a rock over the last few months, you can’t help but notice how prejudice and racism has been coming up in the consciousness of the entire planet more and more, and how things have become more volatile. As I’m looking at all the stories coming in and watching what is happening in the world, I’m seeing how people are willing to have these conversations, and for the first time acknowledge that we may have a problem.
Racism and prejudice of all kinds still exist, which is a very uncomfortable topic, and yet you still see it shut down in various ways. One of those ways is when people get very offended about this topic because they think that just by having the discussion, you are calling them prejudiced. They want to say, “No, no, no, I’m not a hateful person, I don’t hate anyone”. They want to shut the conversation down so we can’t even really talk about it. I want to talk about that today, about how we can open up more so that we can have these all important discussions about what exactly is happening in the world and how people are actually feeling, and from that point of view find actual solutions to what is going on. I’m not saying that I have all the solutions; I’m just here to help us open up so that we can find them.
I’m going to make a very controversial statement that may be very uncomfortable for people to hear, so I’m going to ask you to just bear with me for a few sentences after you’ve read it, to see if I can offer you a perspective that will ultimately feel better and open you up to a very different way of thinking. So here it is:
“We are all prejudiced” Every single one of us is prejudiced. I’m prejudiced, you’re prejudiced; we cannot help but be prejudiced.
How prejudices are formed and what prejudice actually is
Prejudice is simply a belief system that is based on very one-sided information, which causes us to have assumptions about people that keep us or prevents us from connecting with those people as a one-on-one human being. Any assumptions that we have about a group of people where we are judging them in any way based on any characteristic other than our one-on-one interaction with that specific person is a prejudice. Not all of those prejudices are going to become active in our lifetimes; not all of them are going to become problematic. Some we will never become aware of – they won’t come into play; but many of them, we are aware of. Not all of those prejudices are going to necessarily be about race or religion. They can be about people who live in a certain part of town, or have a certain social economic status, or wear certain clothing (hipsters for example), or it can be about politicians (all politicians), a certain breed of dog (all Pit Bulls), all Catholics, all Christians, all white people, all black people, all Chinese, all Germans, all cops, all whatever!
When you start to make a generalization about any group of people, again when you’re not just looking at the individual, that’s a prejudice. These prejudices form very naturally because our minds like to group things together, and when we don’t have enough data to actually look at each person individually, our mind is going to group them together based on what it can see and what we have learned. It will do this unconsciously, so the only way out of that is to become conscious of that process, but not in a way that blames us for doing it. Dissolving into self-blame or thinking you are a terrible person because you’ve harped some kind of prejudice, believe it or not, that doesn’t really help! Becoming aware of it has to be done from a place of non-judgement as well.
Prejudices form if you are, for example, born into a white family, in a white part of the country, where you don’t know any black people or any Hispanic people, and nobody who you know has ever known any; you’ve never had any personal experience because it’s not part of your personal reality at all, and any information that you get about these groups of people, you are going to assume the information is true. But it’s always going to be incomplete because how can you know everything there is to know about this entire vast group of people? If you recognise that, then there is prejudice already built into that. Prejudice isn’t necessarily hatred. Hatred only shows up if you’ve been taught to “fear”, if you have been told many bad things about this group of people and you now fear them. In an attempt to empower yourself (as fear feels very powerless), it’s going to swap over into hatred. Prejudice is not necessarily the same as fear, although all fear comes from prejudice, and hatred always comes from fear. Prejudices don’t necessarily have to lead to such extremes, but they are always going to be limiting because you are making an assumption that’s not going to allow you connect with a person, because the assumption you are making about that person is based on whatever you’ve heard about them, what you think you know about them, what they remind you of, what you’ve read about this group of people, and so on. It is never going to be about this specific, particular unique individual.
How do we release our prejudices?
The first thing that we have to do is to become aware that we actually have them and again not dissolve into self-blame, but by understanding the mechanisms of how prejudices are formed, so that we can surpass them. As prejudices are formed by incomplete information (usually very one-sided information), the way to do it is to inundate yourself with contradictory information that allows you to create a more balanced perspective. I’ll give you an example from my own life to really illustrate this:
In the last few months I’ve been reading all the stories of police officers in the United States shooting unarmed, predominantly black men and women, and as the body count has started to pile up (I was reading more and more stories although I was doing my best not to inundate myself with them, but I was drawn to reading them, plus it was almost impossible not to get this information), I started to develop a prejudice against police officers in the United States. I wasn’t just getting angry at those individual police officers and their departments who weren’t prosecuting them or their prosecutor and their judges; it was against the entire police force in the United States. I found myself becoming very afraid for all black people (not so much for myself, because I have the unbelievable luxury of being born white, so I don’t have to be afraid of walking down the street, and I’m not in the United States anyway…), but I did find myself becoming very afraid for the entire black community. I was putting my focus on the idea that all police officers needed to be feared and that all of them are potentially dangerous. Of course that’s not logically true and yet the fear was developing. That was a very uncomfortable fear for me, so I wanted to go out and deliberately find information that would contradict that. Not information that would contradict that this was happening, not information that would contradict that there’s an issue that needs to be addressed, but simply to contradict the prejudice I felt against all police officers because believe it or not, in order to solve this, we are going need the police officers too – the good ones.
I wanted to give my energy to them, but I had to be willing to see them in order to give my energy to them. I went on You Tube and I found a series of videos showing police officers in the United States doing acts of kindness and I watched them back to back, which took about half an hour, and I felt my heart opening; then I was able to create balance within my point of view. Again, not a point of view that negated what was happening, just one that allowed me to not hold prejudices against any one group of people.
We can do this whenever we find prejudice against anyone. For example, if you are afraid of refugees coming into Europe, if you are living in Europe or even the United States, start researching and look for information about what it’s really about and look at the other person’s point of view. Start looking at some individuals and what their stories are, or even connect with them and talk to them. When was the last time you talked to somebody from Syria and got the real story? If you are afraid of Chinese immigrants coming in if you are in Australia for example, go and talk to some Chinese immigrants and find out what their stories are. Give yourself a chance to get that information so that you can lift the prejudice, because your prejudice is just an assumption based on incomplete information. You want to get a bigger part of the story. If you have never met a black person and you are afraid of black people, go out there and meet some black people.
You can do this on the internet; we have the ability to get information from any part of the world about any group of people, even on an individual basis from people who we could never normally physical meet, get information from them, and meet them on a one on one basis. You can actually deliberately shift any prejudices that you find within yourself. It will feel better, and by doing that you open yourself up to real solutions. Eradicating an entire group of people or incarcerating an entire group of people or just deciding they are all bad, that’s never the solution; that has never worked; not in the history of the entire human race has that ever, ever worked! The only thing that truly works is the win-win, which means it’s never going to be you or me, or us or them. The solutions always lie in the you and me, the us and them; it’s all of us TOGETHER. Ultimately when it comes right down to it, we all want the same thing: we all want to be free; we all want to be happy; we all want to be validated; we all want to be free to be exactly who we are. We all want to feel safe; we all want to feel joy; we all want to connect. We all want to feel safe. That is inherent to every being on this planet, and we are all in this together.
Bottom Line
If we want to change the world, we always have to start with ourselves and look at how we are blocking anyone out. A good way to do that is to look at our prejudices and our assumptions about an entire group of people. Prejudices will always limit us, they will always block people out, and when people can’t come in, we cannot connect with them, which is all we really want to do, if we are not afraid.
I’d like to ask you to share this post with as many people as you can, because I think this is a really big topic that needs to be out there. I know it’s an uncomfortable one, but I think a lot of people are ready to hear this. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been inspired to make it.
If you want to join the discussion, please leave a comment below, and since this one of those volatile topic, probably one of the most volatile ones I’ve talked about, I’d like to ask you to keep the discussion respectful. Add to the discussion, open the discussion up, open yourself up and speak about how you feel. Don’t add to the prejudice and the fear, because if you get a bunch of people together, all focusing on the solution, all focusing on connection, all willing to work on themselves, it won’t take us long at all to change the world. In fact, we don’t have to really change the world, we just have to step into the new one.
Hi Melody, I love your blog! I experienced the Law of attraction into my life many times .
Good post, Melody. 🙂 We all have predudices to some exent. There has been so much about racism in the news generally and sometimes it makes me sad. But most of the people I come across are nice, so I try to focus on that.
I do wish we lived in a world where we are all color blind, but sadly this isn’t true. My 8-year-old recently started noticing people have different color and I was truly shocked.
I try to explain we are just people and some might look different but we are all unique in some way. But that’s all I’ve got. Do you have any tips for younger children?
I don’t want them to be blockers when they get older.
Hey Sweetish Sugar,
Which one where you referring to ?
Point #7 or we connect when we open-up to our fears !
Or…
Hi Melody! First I wanna say, I love your blog! I have question that I’ve been thinking about for a while. For example, if I feel afraid and fearful, do I attract people that are afraid and fearful too (people who feel the same) or do I attract people I feel afraid/fearful of? Or both? I’ve heard of both alternatives but since they actually are different from each other, I’ve been giving this some thought and wonder which one is right.. 🙂
Anonymous, I have the exact same desire of dying young, for the same exact reasons !
I want to die while still beautiful – not because of what others think, but for myself and my own preference. I want to go while I can still work and provide for myself, while I am still in power. And mostly I want to just go to sleep and drift off. Abraham – to whom Melody’s blog introduced me and I’m so grateful – says that we can just decide so and never wake up. I almost did it. But I’m not yet ready to go, I love to live life knowing about LoA.
S, for years and years a specific desire held me stuck in the feelings you described. Wanted to die since I wasn’t gonna align with it ever alive. I manifested it briefly and lost it again because I lost my alignment. Wanted to die again. Until one day I realized that I haven’t been willing to feel better just for the sake of feeling better; I was trying to feel better so I can get my desire,thus activating all over the vibration of lack !
Then the change came. I’ve let go. I still want it, more than anything. But I started to enjoy life. I go out again. I focus on off-topic things to appreciate,and it feels good. The sunshine used to make me sad and remind me of what I had and lost. I now can appreciate sunlight again. I no longer want to die. Not yet. I want to play with this deliberate creation a little bit longer, and each day I see LOA in action in all other areas of my life.
As for my beloved desire, I think of it only when I feel good. The visualizations are clear and vivid. I can almost touch it. I feel the feeling place. I’m there. And I can feel it, it’s getting closer. I visualize just for the feeling. Not to make me it happen, like I used to. And as a result, the visualization no longer hurts. No longers feels like “I miss it ! “, but like ” I love this place ! ” . And at the first pang of sadness, I exit the visualization, if I feel pain,and go back to general good thoughts for a while.
I recommend you Abraham’s clip : “Don’t let not having it feed on itself ” on YouTube
Hey Anonymous,
Think of it like this, we need to experience our wants & desires,which move us
into our own natural up-bring (growth) or expansion if you will think of it like this (inevitable expansion ) This is where fear steps into the equation for us all !Like
Melody said & this goes back to the diamond analogy. We as a species need to
grow to become greater,until then we do not get to go up the ladder. Our nature
is only to go up. In other words there is no down. Your ego is holding every probable
event from you at present, because of it`s automatic safety built-in mechanism.
So if you mess-up here. You only start-up in another time casual if you will per say
another life.
About our beauty, camouflage is only steps from the EGO which bonds your true perspective view on your own creations ! This is an idea for you all to ponder on !
I am very humble to Melody for giving the opportunity for me to enlighten.
Thanks for listening !
It’s highly likely that I’ll get people telling me off and disagreeing with me for this (and those who do could risk looking unethical), but is it ok to want to die/transition? Probably who ever responds will try to veer me away from this, but I will be honest: I don’t want to take action on my dreams. I don’t want to follow a path towards them and work at them every day. It would be so nice to never have to take action in the physical again and be out of body permanently. (And for those of you who believe that we come in and out of non-physical because we get bored, or reincarnate, to simply be finished with this lifetime.) For me, transitioning much younger than most feels hugely relieving. And very freeing.
Furthermore, I don’t want to live while watching myself age. I know I don’t have to deteriorate, but I don’t want to watch my body lose youthful skin, shape, and overall appearance, as well as other changes that come with age. Biologically, many humans today are living far, far past the time we evolved to live. I would like to transition before the end of this time frame. I’m young and attractive and by the time I will have any recognizable success in my field (which is very appearance based and prizes youth and beauty, like much of our modern world) I will be less attractive. I will definitely be older, and frankly, I would much rather transition while still pretty and young. I would much prefer for people to remember me that way too.
This comment will probably have people tell me that I’m giving too much importance to other people’s opinions. There are probably also going to be those who write that we came to this experience to experience all ages and life stages. In my honest opinion, however, I feel it’s quite arrogant to assume that EVERYONE desires the same things, and that everyone has the same non-physical perspective. I’m also probably going to hear how my perspective will change and I’ll not desire this anymore, but again, how can you be sure of that? There are definitely specific desires like these (or to not want to have children, for example) that people have their entire lives.
I know I risk some offense by writing this comment on here, but I am genuinely curious to hear your response. Personally, I feel that it’s ok to desire this. It’s ok to want an earlier transition than most. It can definitely be done. Even though deep down I feel it’s ok (and relieving!), I still feel some resistance towards this desire because of beliefs I’ve picked up that it’s unethical or wrong in another way. Some desires really seem to be off-limits and provoke backlash from most of society, even within spiritual and law of attraction circles.
Hi Annoymous, I think sometimes people can be afraid to respond to a comment like yours because they think they’ll get accused of encouraging you to commit suicide. (I can’t speak for everybody but that is what made me hesitate and I expectsome others too). I don’t think there is something wrong with having that desire. You don’t need to beat yourself up about it. I’ve often wondered if it would be easier to just die, be more peaceful because it can seem such a struggle being here. Ironically I don’t like the idea of dying slowly but the thought of peacefully dying in your sleep (like Serene mentioned below) feels better to me.
And I can understand about not wanting to age. I don’t like the idea of getting older and losing control of my body myself. A few months ago there was a story of an older woman who was healthy but chose to have euthanasia because she didn’t want to get older (I think she was in her 60s). She’d been a nurse and had cared for old people. Although I felt sorry for her family, I could completely understand her point of view But then I try to remember that it depends on the person, some people stay healthy and active well into old age.
Thanks for sharing, so often we feel that a certain thought is “taboo” or “wrong”, so it’s good to have a chance to express it. 🙂
Hi Melody,
OMG! You had to hit the nail on the head. I had to quote you on my post on linkedin pulse!
Here is a snippet of what I wrote:
After that I had a light bulb to go off. I minored in entrepreneurship on my last degree. So I started to seek out things I wanted to do on my terms and not anyone else, I was tired of the games people played in business out here in LA. It was either that my credentials were to much, my personality was too strong, I could not fake like I was a dumb blonde. Or maybe the color of my skin. There is prejudice everywhere. And I quote Melody Fletcher on this”“We are all prejudiced” Every single one of us is prejudiced. I’m prejudiced, you’re prejudiced; we cannot help but be prejudiced.” She is so true when she stated this. And in my career search out here I have faced so much prejudice, more than living in the South. Melody also says “Prejudice is simply a belief system that is based on very one-sided information, which causes us to have assumptions about people that keep us or prevents us from connecting with those people as a one-on-one human being.” I have felt that way a lot since I been here. No one but a few have given me a chance in the careers I loved to be apart of because of prejudice against mu credentials, personality, my confidence and my appearance.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. I had two interviews with the same company, with two different managers. One manager did not hire me because of my strong personality. The other manager hired me because of my personality being strong. I proved to her that I was the top sales and top esthetician at that spa and my sales were the top of all of the spa staff. Those two managers met and when my name was mention, the manager was shocked that I was the top staff member with the highest sales in the company. When she approached my manager, she asked her” You actually hired her? I though her personality was too strong for our clients.” My manager responded,” I hired her because of her personality, yes she may assertive, but our clients love her, she stays booked, and her sales are the top of the company, if I didn’t have her, our store would not be number one today, yes you made the mistake of not hiring, your lose my gain, and I glad to have her on my team!” That manager saw more in me than just my strong personality, she saw that I would carry the sales to the top and that I did! But here in LA, hardly anyone saw that in me. And that is very sad.
Thank you for saying the truth!
Alicia
Hey there,
It only takes one to start a fight. Pls. leave our good police officers
out of this one…
Hugs…
Hi Melody. I have a question. I find that I am surrounded by a lot of people who are prejudiced against all police officers and all republicans. Am I attracting these people because I have these prejudices as well? If I open up to there being good police officers and good republicans will I no longer attract people complaining about them? I feel pretty open to there being good republicans and police officers but I still attract other people who don’t feel this way. What do you think this is about?
Hey Alex,
It’s not always so simple. Pay attention to your reaction to these people’s attitudes. Why do they bother you? What is it that you feel when they start spouting hate? That’ll be the clue as to what this is really about for you. 🙂
Hugs!
Melody
I figured it out!
It’s the emotion of outrage that bothers me so much. I get really… well… Outraged when people express outrage! In doing so I also never fully step into my own outrage, keeping it tucked in a box (as the people I referred to seem to as well). So when people around me have not fully let out outrage, it has triggered me not fully letting out outrage. Suppressed outrage all around! Wooo! (I’m channeling your sarcasm skills). These people in complaining have reflected how I don’t Fully get out all my outrage. I know all about anger releases and what you’ve written, but for this case the word outrage feels more appropriate than anger. I did some good embracing of my outrage and I feel much better now.
Simply outrageous! Hahahaha.
Yay!
Hugs,
Melody
This is a beautiful message and one so needed at this time. There is a lot of fear out there right now as it is so apparent through social media. I agree with you when you say to reach out and talk to these people and hear their stories. Here in Canada there will be 30,000 Syrian refugees coming to live. I truly have tried to come from a place of love for these people…trying to relate to it in a way of how they must be feeling…a lack of security. I decided to volunteer with these refugees once they arrive. Reason behind my decision, honestly wasn’t so much about making a difference to them, which I know will happen anyhow, but because I want to challenge myself. To basically walk the talk. Instead of just saying I want these people to feel welcome and secure in our country…I want to be part of sharing the energy of love and compassion. And I know in doing this I will learn some wonderful things about these people.
Hey,
Bravo, I am going to come out of the rabbit hole for this One.
You have not a clue what you have become, and it continues every
Milli-second in the time frame continuum you believe you are in.
The powers invested in holy spirit which you have grown into, is not
yet in your caption. Sorry ego will not let me tell you completely,
because you have to figure some out on your own! But I will tell you
this…
You not only hold every possible actions in your positions, but you
also control it in your emotional state of being.
We connect when we are ready to open-up to our fears !
1. Not knowing enough about us ?
2.Where did we manifest from ?
3.Why we as a energy only speaking… are going to be brave enough
to lean more as we grow into our own Kingdom.
4. Why are we a multicultural speaking species and are not educated
into knowing more about us ?
5.That is already covered because I did state it has already happened !
6. I know already have said too much for you all to grasp . There will be
more for you to grow onto.
7. Bottom line here is we as a species are more intelligent then we believe
we are…
Hugs….
Im sorry Terry, can you please explain your last comment into sentences and paragraphs. Please forgive me but i do not understand your points but I want to understand you. Thank You.
Bravo, Melody. Thank you.
Great video, Melody! Your explanation of prejudice is very helpful. For some reason, watching this video gave me a little “aha” moment about something that happened to me recently. At work, we had a consultant helping us with something. He decided we would not implement some of his suggestions, based on his experience elsewhere with other people. Even when we had implemented his suggestions, he didn’t believe it. I found it infuriating.
Your video made me realize that it was an example of being on the receiving end of someone else’s prejudice. This was a very minor instance of prejudice and didn’t effect my life very much, but it is a reminder of how frustrating it can feel to experience others’ prejudices aimed at ourselves. I don’t want to treat other people that way, although I know I have many times.
I love your suggestion of looking for information to counteract our prejudices. That’s brilliant. Thank you.
I don’t mind being prejudiced. It’s the way Nature designed us. If there was no ability to pre-judge, then the species wouldn’t survive too well. We have to have the ability to assess (ie. prejudge) whether a situation is safe/pleasurable or unsafe/painful.
As an example, if I was walking along a street alone at night and there were 5 young, black men coming the opposite direction, I’d move to the other side of the street. If they were older, I wouldn’t. If they were wearing suits and ties, I’d reconsider. If they were white, I might cross, but only if they were roudy. I base this on a skillful evaluation of the risks involved. These risks are based upon reliable data. Blacks *ARE* more likely to commit violent crime. Young people *ARE* more likely to be aggressive. Poorer people *ARE* more likely to disregard the law. Just facts. Generalized facts, sure. But htis process is neither good nor bad, just sensible prejudice. Very sensible.
Of course when we pre-judge we open ourselves to false positive and false negative error bias. Sometimes we think “ooh, looks dangerous!” when there’s no need, and vice versa.
So I’d argue all judgment is fear-based. Even to judge a piece of clothing as nice or not is based in fear if you dig deep enough. A certain amount of fear is hard-wired and necessary. And I guess we all try to do out best to assess people as they present, rather than through a filter.
Cheers
Hi Melody,
What if you have been allowing pain, anger, sadness, despair, depression but are not feeling any relief and keep getting worse? You’re not suppressing emotion. And for years you’ve been Feeling the emotions fully when they come up. Nothing is shifting and each day you feel worse and in deeper pain. Is it possible that you may be ready to leave this video game and the call is getting stronger?
Allowing emotions is not enough. I found the right approach just recently. Let me know if you want info.
Allowing is only the first step. Then you need to gradually focus on the positive. Allow the emotions to come through, then shift your focus to something that makes you feel a bit better. You need to do whatever you have to to move towards feeling better.
Also in my opinion and experience, “allowing” doesn’t mean getting caught up in the emotion. IMO it’s a pretty fine line. What works best for me is observing it mindfully as it flows through me. Getting caught up in it just generates more of the emotion, because you’re focusing on it.
Brandon, I have a feeling you’re right, but I hear all these LOA teachers saying that you’re still suppressing emotion and the returning sadness, anger, pain, etc is repressed emotion coming out. It makes me angry, because I have NOT been suppressing emotion. As much as I love this blog, there are explanation on here that feel awful to me. I know it’s my own problem, but it still is painful to hear from someone who knows more about manifesting and reality than I do.
Often I feel it’s not worth it to go on living anymore. If there is always contrast and pain in life, why live? Why stay alive if I won’t get the things I want? If I will never feel the eterna peace I long for? I’ve experienced enough and just want to be at permanent rest. I feel like I know too much about how manifesting works that I feel like I’ll never feel in control enough of my feelings and beliefs to manifest what I want. I feel non-physical calling me stronger and stronger every day…but I stay alive because there is still small hope for a better future. The present really sucks and I hate myself for getting myself in this mess. I don’t want to struggle again to make things better and take control of my life like I have before. It’s even more exhausting and stressful.
Be easy on yourself. Don’t try to get from here to “eternal peace” just yet. Just get from here to a little better, and a little better, and a little better. You don’t have to be perfectly happy for your manifestations to start to come. What you do have to do is to let go, stop resisting.
Feeling better really shouldn’t be work. When it feels that way, it’s usually proof that you’re trying to jump further than you’re ready to. Just focus on feeling a little less bad. Soothe the depression, the anxiety, or whatever it is you’re feeling. Focus on the little instances of light in your life, that I’m sure you can find if you look for it. Did someone smile at you? Did you feel okay when you woke up this morning? Did you feel a bit of hope? Hone in on those periods of being okay, or a bit better than the norm at least. Those are the signal your Inner Being is sending you to bring you to greater and greater relief. It’s often lost in the noise of depressing thoughts, I know, but it is there if you look for it. That’s your way out.
Never think it’s hopeless. You can be at peace, and you can have what you want. But be patient with yourself. Make peace with where you are right now. Gradually work at this, just feeling better day-by-day.
It gets easier. I have a history of anxiety, and sometimes it is hard to get a hold on my feelings, but it is getting easier. I choose to believe that the Universe supports me, so I see instances of that in my life. I learned to respect my own emotional needs, and not see them as weak like I used to.
Thank you for responding to my comments Brandon. I used to believe in divine timing and the universe was supporting me, then I learned about how the LOA really works and my life took a drastic turn for the worse. Now I feel I must do everything myself, effort and make things happen because the Universe and no other people are going to help me. I have just been feeling so bad lately…it’s getting more and more difficult to live with this pain. I feel like it’s gotten worse with time.
Most people seem to feel more empowered when they learn about this…but it’s been the exact opposite for me.
“Now I feel I must do everything myself, effort and make things happen because the Universe and no other people are going to help me.”
I think this is the source of your perceived issues here. That’s not LOA. LOA doesn’t say you’re doomed to doing everything yourself. In fact, in my view, your part is very small. Your part is just to ask, and then to align with the answer (I talk a bit about that in the blog I link to below). In essence, your responsibility is just to allow.
I have an affirmation I say to myself every day: “I’m open to being surprised and delighted by the Universe today.” And indeed, I find seemingly magical things happening all the time.
It’s not that you have to put forth all this effort. It’s not about the doing. It’s about the allowing of your desires. And the allowing is strictly about your emotions, and where you choose to put your focus. Literally nothing else is required: no visualization, no affirmations, or anything else. It’s not the techniques, it’s the feelings the techniques evoke in you.
The Universe IS there for you. Our IB wants us to align with our desires. It doesn’t see all the problems that we see. Your only responsibility is to work on feeling better. No effort or work required.
Unfortunately when you feel that “effort” feeling, the Universe has to bring you circumstances in your life that feel like effort. I’m sure you can see that’s true. So I’d foster a feeling of ease and flow, of effortless peace. That might be too far of a jump right now, so at least reduce that effort feeling a bit. Abraham calls it “dropping the oars”, and it’s my favorite “method”, if it can be called a method.
Just a few questions…
• What if the Universe was always supporting you?
• What if the Universe was always calling you to better and better experiences?
• What if the Universe lined up circumstances and people in your life in the perfect way to bring your desires effortlessly to you, with no work required?
• What if the only actions you took were fully inspired, joyful and fun actions?
That might provide some relief. Don’t force yourself to feel this way. Just ponder about the possibilities. Feel how a life like that might be, because it is fully possible.
What you write feels very good, but I don’t believe it completely. I’ve trusted for a long time before and still I hated my life and nothing happened.
I’ve received things effortlessly in the past, but it doesn’t happen very often. And it probably won’t happen for the things I want most because I’m too attached. If I never get over the attachment and never receive my desires while alive, why am I making myself live? There is some hope, I want things to get better, but I’m not doing much to make things better so I’m still stuck. I have no energy to make life more to my liking. I was on that path for a while but eventually became so exhausted I stopped all the effort.
I want to believe what you say, but right now I don’t. I’m sick of feeling so trapped and I hate myself for creating this. I’m not motivated to make anything better because of the work it involves. When I trusted the Universr, nothing happened. And my efforts didn’t bring desired results either. I just want to sleep and not wake up.
“I’ve received things effortlessly in the past, but it doesn’t happen very often. And it probably won’t happen for the things I want most because I’m too attached.”
Could you soften this statement? What about:
“I’ve received things effortlessly in the past, and if it’s happened before, it can probably happen again. Maybe it hasn’t happened often, but the fact that it has happened at all means I’m onto something.”
It’s all about where you put your focus. You can either put it on “it probably won’t happen” to “it’s happened before, so there’s a possibility.” And that little bit of change is enough to begin some positive momentum.
I think first and foremost you should take care of yourself. Take it easy, get help if you need to and if you don’t trust yourself to not do anything rash. Reach out to someone that you know cares for you. Stop trying to manifest anything for a while, and just work on your own emotional wellbeing. That’s really the process, anyway, so you can never really be off the path.
You are right…even if it only happened a few times it still happened. Perhaps there are factors beyond my control that go into the timing of receiving. I’m afraid I’ve wasted so much time. It’s going to take forever to get remotely back on the path to what I want. I’ve messed things up so much how can they be fixed now?
Do you see how you started to change your perspective above? Until you got to the part about wasting time.
How can we make this part feel a bit better?
Abraham has always said you’re never off your path. They’re popular saying is: “You can never get it wrong and you never get it done.”
You never get it wrong, because you are always being called towards your desires. You haven’t messed anything up. In fact, things could correct themselves very quickly if you determined to feel better little by little, as we’ve been discussing here. I’ve had things manifest in days before once I determined to change my focus.
You never get it done because even once you have your manifestation, life will cause you to want something more. It’s a natural part of life.
So, let’s not think of it as wasting time. Let’s think of it as clarifying your desire, as becoming more and more certain of what you want. And when you “drop the oars” as discussed earlier, and let go of that resistance, there will be nothing holding that manifestation from you.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. Manifestations I desire take years or months for me, they don’t come quickly. I don’t think I’ll be able to shift in days, even though I’d really like to. I feel so trapped and stuck. Often I feel like things will never get better and it’s just going to get worse from here. There was a time when my life was better and my circumstances were better. I didn’t struggle as much. But to get there from here seems impossible.
I don’t even know how to drop the oars or release resistance anymore. I have tried everything and have failed with it all. Bruising, scratching and starving myself feel better than doing nothing. If I can’t get what I want I would rather beat myself for it than accept. I hate myself so much.
I’m not taking action on what I want and I feel bad about it. But action also feels terrible and like such a struggle I can’t take it. I feel so tired. It kills to see others with what I want. Even though this is good in that it shows that I’m aligning with my desires, it just reminds me how far away I am and how I don’t have what I want. How I’m not doing those things nor having them. How terrible and trapped I feel. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t take living anymore. Why do I put myself through this pain? I have tried everything and nothing has worked. Neither the conventional approaches or the LOA ones. Whatever I do I keep coming back to feeling stuck and extremely sad, in severe pain, wanting to destroy myself. I can’t take this struggle anymore.
It feels like too much work to shift thoughts and feel better. Inside I still feel very negatively about so many things. Forcing myself to think positively and be hopeful just feels like a lie. I still hurt a lot inside and still hate myself. I’m sick of hearing how you have to think thoughts that feel a little better. Even that feels like too much effort for me. All I want to do is sleep. I feel so exhausted and thinking about my desires feels terrible. I’m just reminded that I don’t have them and probably never will.
Ok I’m feeling a little better..I’m just allowing myself to feel really bad and not forcing myself to find the better feeling thought. I’m just letting myself feel really bad and feel some relief.
The idea of the path of least resistance really depresses me even more. If I don’t believe 100%, I won’t get think what I want?!? Then why have I manifested things I didn’t believe we’re possible?
CJ, thanks for offering. It does seem that there is more than just allowing. Right now however I’ve been through enough pain, I’m backing off from diving into emotion and putting myself through that torture.
I’m sick of suffering. Even if circumstances change, the feelings are the same. At the same time, I’m sick of living in circumstances I hate and feel a little better by finding things to feel good about. I’m sick of that effort. I’m sick of even basic efforts to make life better and improve conditions. I have no motivation left and am tired of it all. I’ve been working with LOA for years and for the most part, my life has gotten worse. I feel worse than I did before I knew. I’m sick of this.
Why can we only attract the essence of our desire and not more specific forms? What is the point of manifesting if we cannot have more say in how we manifest? If I want to be a professional visual artist, for example, but for some reason this wouldn’t be my highest joy according to the Universe, why do I have to accept some other way of expressing creativity professionally instead? Why can’t I be an artist? Why does the Universe deliver opportunities for careers in another field that would match the essence but aren’t what I want? I’m sorry, but I think this idea of manifesting vibrational essences and not being able to choose the how is a cop out and even more painful than not manifesting anything at all.
Another example: if I want to move to a new city, why can’t I easily move to the city of my choice? Why does the Universe keep delivering me opportunies elsewhere in places I don’t want to live in? Why don’t I get to choose? Why does it feel so hard to move where I really want to?
Why do I have to feel in love with myself to manifest a loving life partner? That feels hopeless to someone who hates themselves and destroys themselves physically. They don’t believe they will get better and ever be able to attract specific desired things because their vibe isn’t high enough.
Why do so many people have to work shitty jobs just to stay alive while others never have to work a day in their lives because they are born into money or privilege? Why do some struggle so much to get what they want while others do nothing at all to get their desires and never feel intense pain and torture?
I feel so worn out and beaten by life. I’m sick of all of it. Every day is a struggle. Unconsciously I destroy myself every day and I hope my efforts will pay off soon enough and I won’t wake up again. I can’t take this pain anymore. And no matter how many times I’ve dropped it, it comes back. I know that one day, it the desire to leave this reality will become so great that I will just surrender to the pain and leave this reality. I will finally be free and in non-physical.
Have you read Melody’s book? What you’re talking about sounds like precursors. If your manifestations are close to what you want, but not quite there, it’s a precursor. It’s not the manifestation itself yet. It’s a sign that you’re close, and you just need a bit more vibrational attuning to get it right on. It’s a sign of alignment, not that the Universe won’t give you what you want.
You don’t need to jump back into a cesspool of emotions, because you’re already there. You’re living it.
1) Allowing. Already done. Tick that off.
2) Create sentences which explain how you feel. Done. Tick.
An example:
“Why can’t I be an artist?”
It’s almost as if you believe you have no arms and legs. Almost as if you wouldn’t actually perform any actions to create it. Almost as if you’re waiting for LOA to land a job in your lap. Forget LOA for the monent. Would you act to create this?
If not, why not? Everyone has hurdles and set backs. Hurdles are not an excuse.
Imagine having everything you wanted. Does it make you feel anxiety? Are you afraid of having what you want?
Steps 3) and 4) to follow…
I’ve spent years taking the action journey, doing all the necessary things. I’m sick of the action and the effort. If it’s necessary to live on this plane, I’d rather leave. After a while I got sick of making things happen and constantly living in the discomfort that comes with constantly pushing yourself and taking steps towards what you want. It’s come to the point where I just want permanent relief. F*** ever getting what I want while alive.
And the idea of living what I want doesn’t bring me anxiety. More frustration because I’m not and I see other people who are. I’m sick of everything being so difficult. I’m sick of doing everything myself and trying to figure things out.
I’ve read Melody’s book several times. To be honest, I feel more confused nd overwhelmed after having read it. I’ve been manifesting precursors for years. Usually they only come several months or longer apart, probably because I’m not in alignment. I’m sick of the pressure of being in alignment when I hate everything about my life and being alive. I hate myself and just want all of this to be over.
I’m sick of just receiving precursors and never anything that really is what I want or changes my life for better. And I’m sick of doing it myself. I feel so exhausted. I know I should be grateful for the precursors, but the truth is I don’t feel that way at all. It’s been years and I am sick of feeling teased and getting glimpses but never anything that truly is relief.
i can’t take this pain or effort anymore. I’m sick of things being better for a little bit then quickly getting worse again. I’m sick of feeling better for a while then feeling worse than before. It doesn’t end. I can’t take this anymore. I know I have to leave where I am but finding somewhere else is also a pain…I’m sick of taking action towards everything. Why can’t more things just come to me? Why can’t I get what I want without the striving, doing, and making things happen? I’m sick of it. Why does nothing good fall in my lap?
I don’t get what the fuck is wrong with me. Why is my path of least resistance full of things that feel like struggle and effort? Why can’t it be effortless? Why does life seen so effortless for some people while others don’t get what they want even countless numerous attempts?
I’ve had so many anger releases and I still feel terrible. I’ve gotten extremely angry at many people alone and often felt worse than before. I’m sick of hearing how anger is the answer to coming out of powerlessness…because it hasn’t worked at all for me.
S, you’ve heard of ‘false memory syndrome’?
Most people are aware of the negative connotations. BUT, this discovery told us that memories can be overwritten and altered. That’s good!
Go back to your earliest childhood memories of ‘never get what I want’ and overwrite them with something positive. You must do it from a position of experiencing.
Hi Melody
What a great read. You have such a knack for explaining these deeper, thornier issues. What you said is so true…we all do have our prejudices. In the name of trying to promote tolerance and equality and what not, which is a noble cause of course, we shut down a lot of dialogue and the ability to talk honestly about our fears, perceptions,etc.. like you said, even having the conversation implies having prejudice so can’t do that. I agree that the volatility is actually a sign of forward movement and it is bringing things to light that will be addressed more fully and meaningfully than in the past.
I grew up in a very white community, and when I was 11 my friend and I got attacked by a group of black girls, probably the first black people I had ever met. It was a very scary incident, we were pushed into a phone box and threatened with lighters held up to our faces. This created a fear and prejudice in me, which I have spent the rest of my life feeling incredibly guilty about.
As an adult, I have met, engaged with and worked with several black people and really liked all of them. I was blessed to be partnered with a black girl in a tantra workshop I attended once and felt a deep connection and love for her; I was so grateful to have had that opportunity to shift my prejudice a little.
However, if I’m honest, the fear is still there and I know that I feel different inside when I meet a black person compared to meeting anyone else. It’s hard not to feel guilty about that, though I agree Melody that the guilt doesn’t help!
I want more than anything to be able to feel on the inside the way I try to behave on the outside – with equal love and openness to everyone I meet. This prejudice doesn’t align with my values and so it doesn’t feel like me when it’s happening.
I know it’s my brain doing what brains do – responding to a traumatic event and trying to protect me from similar events in the future – but I want a way to say ‘hey brain, you’re looking at the wrong information. It could just have easily have been a group of white girls who attacked us’.
Great explanation on prejudice. Bravo, Melody! However, it is possible to not hear those stories…they are new to me. Love living in my happy bubble! 🙂
hi Melody
will definitely share this post, and I love your last line so much, ‘we just have to step into the new world’, to do that we do have to question all our beliefs and prejudices, and we all have them, putting my hand up for sure. When fear crept in about refugees and scarcity as I’ll be honest it did, I did exactly what you recommend and I got busy with finding out more, finding the real stories seeing the real human beings and getting excited about the new perspective and experiences I am going to receive as our cultures merge all the more. This process is only possible, every time I do it, because I finally looked my prejudice in the eye without judging myself. I love this quote by Marianne Williamson and I have it up at the Sanctuary, as a constant reminder.
“Love is what we are born with, fear is what we learn here”
The Barefoot Sanctuary is getting very excited about your arrival, as someone wise once said, when the pupils are ready the teacher will come!!! love to you and awesome job . Love Bernie xxx
Great post Melody! Thank you! I love the way you addressed this issue and how we can can all work our way to solving it.
I loved this post Melody. The Syrian thing has really been bothering me, because there’s been so much prejudice here in the US about Muslims. It’s been hard to ignore some of the comments made by politicians here.
So I’m working at not fighting against this, at focusing on the love in the world. But I do agree that we are all prejudiced in one way or another. It’s more-or-less built into our evolution, to be wary of people we don’t know or who seem different. It’s something we really need to overcome in today’s age of globalization.
I feel the same – Here in London, people are growing more and more fearful of travelling into the city just in case something happens within the built up areas. It can be a little hard not to build a prejudice against certain groups of people, but we do have quite a large population of Muslims and obviously the majority are just your general citizens, though they are taking the brunt of a lot of abuse because of what’s happening in the world.
I can’t exactly escape from it since part of my job involves reading a lot of news stories, so I rather like finding stories in the papers that negate some of this negativity – Only yesterday I found an article about a Muslim woman on public transport in Manchester that was being bullied by another passenger and several people came to her aid to get the man removed from the cabin. I felt a little warm and fuzzy when I realised that there’s a lot of stories like that all around the world actually. Let me invite you to watch one from Sydney Australia 🙂
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/stacey-eden-young-woman-sticks-5527830
And also, I wish you and your family a very happy Thanks Giving! 🙂
Thanks so much for this Melody, The universe has quickly responded to my question through you! As an African American woman I have been so upset about all of the violent oppression all over the world but especially in my home of Chicago. I am aware that all of this ugliness has boiled to the surface to be addressed. It is nothing new, it’s been going on for decades but now it’s out in the open for people to face. But it has been very difficult for me to witness the brutality and the overt hatred over and over again. It has been so painful for me that I have had to remove myself from most of the news. As a journalist and writer, this is problematic. I addressed the issues with an essay last year and have joined an activist group to help solve the problems but they just seem to multiply. So I have been feeling helpless, which is a feeling that I don’t accept and know to be untrue. So I asked for an answer in how to deal with this and you have effectively supplied it. I will be focusing on the acceptance and love that is the reality for everyone and every place. And so it is.
Hi Melody,
I loved your post today! So honest and heartfelt. I liked your perspectief on prejudices, it is all in the eye of the beholder. And you showed me how to change that to an other perspective that feels way better. Thank U. Keep on your work in joy.
See you in Bermingham (all the way from the Netherlands) 🙂
I am really looking forward to it.
Many, many hugs
Daphne