Many people, and even spiritual teachers, believe that the purpose of this work is to get to a point where you no longer experience any negative emotions. Disappointment, anger, jealousy and the like are “wrong” and should be avoided at all costs. But is this true? Is this belief helpful? In today’s video I’m going to make the case that you will and what’s more should not ever get rid of your negative emotions. It’s not wrong to have them or to feel them. In fact, it’s the suppression of these emotions that causes all the damage! Watch today’s video below to find out more.
Hello my puppies! Today’s Q&A question focuses on negative emotions and when we might be done with them. This is a question I get a lot, so I’m squishing all the questions together and not just focusing on a single asker here.
The question is: “When am I ever going to get to the point where I’m done with negative emotions and it’s all Nirvana all the time, 24/7, 365 days a year?”
Well, here’s the bad news: You will never, ever get to the point where you don’t experience negative emotion! But before you despair and throw yourself off a cliff, let me explain that.
Are negative emotions a bad thing?
Negative emotions are not a bad thing. They are more “negative” in the way we call minus one a negative number; it’s not a judgement call. Minus one is not worse, somehow, than plus one. A negative emotion is an emotion that feels uncomfortable, and when you are really in tune and you’ve been doing this work for a while, you will get sensitive enough to know how you are feeling, and these emotions don’t have to feel so volatile.
You don’t have to be super angry or full of rage or full of despair. It (the difference between how you experience negative emotions now and how you CAN experience them) is more like the difference between having pain where you need morphine, and “pain” from noticing a pebble in your shoe. It can get to the point where it’s more annoying than anything else.
Negative emotions and resistance
You are always going to have negative emotions, because they are messengers that are letting you know that you have some resistance.
Resistance is something that is interfering with the energy of what you want. You are focusing on something in a way that is interfering with what you want. And, don’t you want to know that? Don’t you want to keep on knowing that?
As you go out into the world, and as you explore new things and have new adventures, (which you’ll always want to have or you will get super bored), you are always going to be fine tuning how you’re focusing, because it’s new and you’re not yet sure how to do it. As you are doing that, of course you’ll want something to tell you when you’re not quite focusing the way you want.
It’s like turning off all your pain receptors, then going into a new environment, and you don’t know if you’ve just bumped into something that is super hot or super sharp. You want to know that you’ve done that. Again, before you despair about this, remember, as you get more sensitivity and as you release a lot of those volatile beliefs, the discomfort of negative emotion is going to get less and less, and you’ll notice it much earlier on in the progression. (My book and this blog post explain how a manifestation progresses from focus up to physical manifestation in more detail).
I’m referring to the progression of how a physical manifestation actually comes to be and how an experience actually grows into being. If you can catch that (the negative emotion) earlier on in the progression so it doesn’t have to be a huge manifestation, then you’ll never have to experience a great deal of discomfort. But the negative emotion in and of itself is always going to be around.
I hope I’ve answered your question to your satisfaction. If you think this content is valuable please consider sharing it with your friends or social media buddies. And, as always, if you have a question of your own, please ask it below.
I will see you next time!
If I Feel My Negative Emotions, Won’t I Just Create More of the Same?
An Example of Releasing Resistance in Order to Change a Manifestation
I found your blog when I was researching dealing with anger over having a disability. I want to respond to articles in your blog.
I was born with the birth defect spina bifida. I was “fortunate” enough to only be partially paralyzed, so I’ve been able to walk, but have 20 surgeries, bladder and bowel control issue, etc.
My childhood was difficult. My mother fought with the school system to allow me to be in normal school, and not go to the “special” school. The children were nasty, bullied me. I ran away a great deal. I learned to cope by fighting them (I kicked, punched, hit with crutches, bit, rammed with wheelchair, etc.). The playground was a daily battle field. I had no friends. I wanted them, but I wasn’t wanted by my peers, I was the target always, the outsider. I retreated into school work and reading. During my childhood I was in and out of the hospital.
High school was better, but I had no real friends. I discovered my gift as a singer, and I later went to Peabody Conservatory of Music and Curtis Institute of Music. I sang opera professionally, but only got so far. I never got lead roles, because while the conductors loved my voice, directors didn’t want someone on stage with a limp. Realizing I hit a wall I was never going to get past (the entertainment business is all about the physical “type”), I went back to school and studied computer engineering. That is my career now.
My mother is from a religious family (her father was a Methodist preacher). We went to church. Well meaning people, trying to cope being confronted with someone with a disability tried all sorts of explanations to me as a child .. “it is God’s will” … “God has a plan for you” … “you agreed to be born with this disability” … etc. These comments didn’t help. I felt if me being disabled and struggling was God’s will — I then questioned why didn’t other people have something just as bad? Why me? It made me feel God was unfair. So I realized, forget anything about God in the discussion. The bottom line, life is unfair. It’s a crap shoot. If I had been born in China, I would have been left out on the mountain for the dogs to eat.
I was (and still am) angry that I have a disability that I did nothing to “deserve.” I was angry with how people I wanted to play with, be friends only rejected me because I didn’t fit in, didn’t measure up. I’ve been hurt by the rejection I’ve faced as an adult over my disability. But, I realize I have no control over other people, just over myself. If I get rejected (work, social), I just move on, keep at it.
The idea that all negative things, like a disability, happen because you manifest them is flawed logic. I agree that if I put my will and mind towards a goal, I can most times make what I visualize as a goal, make happen. But not everything. If I visualize being male, I’m not going to magically have a penis (although there are surgeries lol). No matter how I visualize, pray, have surgeries — damaged cells are damaged cells. Maybe one day science will unlock repairing nerve damage. But it’s not there now. I can strengthen what I have, but I can’t through sheer belief and will “fix” myself.
To say that I (or anyone) haven’t ‘fixed’ myself is due to MY lack of growth/belief is one of the most incredibly unfair, unjust, judgmental comments I have ever read or heard. It puts the blame of the condition on me. Per your belief system, I manifested my spina bifida .. and if I were just evolved enough I could cure it.
I’m 57 now, and I’ve been an opera singer, I make a very good living as a software engineer, I’ve been a newspaper reporter, I’ve owned a horse farm, scuba dived. I’ve not allowed the disability to “win.” I’ve gritted my teeth, ignored pain/discomfort/ridicule and done wanted I wanted to do. Some things, no matter how I push are out of reach. I was never able to get past the gatekeepers in the opera world — THEY couldn’t envision an opera singer with a limp. That pissed me off, so I went and did something where my physical body wasn’t as much as an issue. In the IT world, women have to work 200x harder to earn/get what men have — but that to me was a clear and easy battle to win.
We all have physical, mental limitations. We have to do the best with what we were given. BUT .. to say that someone manifests a physical disability before you are born, I respectfully don’t agree. We live in a universe with laws .. laws of physics, chemistry, biology. We as a species are still discovering the real workings of the universe. Mutation happens. Incomplete fetuses happen — from parental drug use, a genetic combination, nutrition. There are cause and effect reasons why disabilities occur. NOT that the soul born into that body “manifested” it, “asked for it for the learning journey,” etc.
NO ONE can tell me a child born with a limiting mental or physical impairment is a good thing. All parents want healthy (ie, normal) children. Coping with disability –being the parent or the child — takes immense strength. Most people don’t have it — most couples break up when have a very disabled child. If you have a problem of any kind, people will stay away (and especially if you bitch about it). I don’t blame people for shying away … no one wants disfuction, poor health, etc. in their lives. We all are attracted to beauty, health and strength.
People don’t want to think it, but we do live in a brutal world. We, like all animals, have to compete for mates, food and territory. You can sugar coat it all you want, pretend it doesn’t exist. But, live with a real impairment, you see things and people — how they are, what they value. I’ve seen the mentally/physically disability warehoused in ‘facilities’ — because their families can’t deal/don’t want them, they can’t contribute to society, so society gets them out of the way.
It doesn’t mean you can’t survive and thrive, find happiness and joy if you have a “problem”. I have. But I also embrace my anger and great sadness over the impairment I was born with. It is part of coping.
I taught a music class to a group of people who all had head injuries from auto accidents. It opened my eyes. Every single one of the people in the class — their spouse left, because they couldn’t deal with what they had become (brain damaged, paralyzed, not able to have sex, not able to work). Talk about people angry and in despair. Did these people “manifest” their auto accidents? They could have done an action that caused the accident (drink and drive, text, etc). But when someone else rams your car and the result is the end of your life as a fully functioning adult .. per your belief system this is a manifestation to “learn a greater lesson?”
I don’t accept that. I belief crap happens. Accidents happen. Genetics get messed up. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. You make the wrong decision. It sucks, it’s horrible, it is not God’s will or part of God’s plan (or any caring, loving, kind being). But, faith and other people can help you cope. Being angry is healthy and normal. Getting knocked down — that happens. it’s the getting up and continuing on the best you can is all we can do. The other choice is to lay down and die. The world won’t care. It’s up to you, what you decide to do, dealing with your problem.
The belief system that someone manifests negativity in their life has relevance to certain things. But to believe ANYONE would manifest a birth defect as a pre-born I find incomprehensible.
To me, it is the worst kind of judgement, to say that someone doesn’t have enough belief, hasn’t grown enough, hasn’t evolved — or their illness/disability would be “cured”. If someone cuts off my hand — the idea is if I believe just enough, get ‘deep’ enough — I’ll grow the hand back. That is flawed. The path is to retrain yourself to do everything with the other hand. There is the challenge and the journey.
Pain is a part of life, sometimes ‘bad things’ need to happen to teach us who we are on a deeper level. Right now they feel bad but eventually they bring us wisdom, insight and make us more empathetic en less superficial
Nice post Melody…
Negative emotions are not something bad… but yes, one should have the awareness that feeling negative consistently can bring in bad manifestations..
If you feel negative then just accept the negative feeling… know that it is not going to last forever..
accept it and do not fuel it with more negative thoughts and energy… soon it will all dissolve by itself…
Do you really beleive in the law of attraction? Do you have any proof it actually works?
Melody actually answered this on her blog… start here: http://www.deliberateblog.com/2012/03/22/questions-from-a-law-of-attraction-skeptic-part-1/
All I need is to feel is love, and more of it in abundance…How can I imagine that !
Love is what you want, and the rest will follow. Follow your emotions,work them over
until you see what will happen next. Hands up on this one.More just before sleep-time !
I’ve been feeling a lot of negative emotion lately around money. No matter what I do (as in action or vibrational work), I never seem to have enough. I would really like more to afford things I need and want. I get stuck with manifesting money every time it seems and am often living with barely any at all. How can I manifest more? I really need to soon. :/
I know this is not working.
I need to paint a picture.
Can i help !
Look at your hands … … …
Your back. Yeah, happy shinny puppies !
I been listening-in. Sounds good,looks good. What are you looking for ?
Want to be say a nephew… Can I help ?
I’ve mentioned before I think that I used to be really into the pursuit of enlightenment, which, of course, is all about ending suffering.
But you’re right, I’ve seen ever since learning how to use the LOA, that suffering and pain, I suppose better known as “contrast”, is always going to be a part of life. Not in some hopeless way, but merely because if you don’t have a negative, then you don’t know what’s positive. If all options are equally good to me, I don’t have a reason for wanting one thing over another.
So I think the negative stuff is feedback. It says, “You don’t want this. Focus in another direction.” And we’re always going to have that feedback. I like how Abraham says something like, even joy and a little greater joy is contrast. It doesn’t necessarily have to be extremely negative, as you mention in this video.
I love you all
I’ve been a reader of this blog and the book for a while but I haven’t drawn benefit like most people here, and I thought I’d make a post, maybe someone out there has some advice or can help me.
So ever since I was a child, I’ve always felt averse to the way jobs work, it always seemed so trapping, so unfair that for us to earn money, buy houses, buy food, or whatever, we’d HAVE to get a job, work 8 hours a day monday through friday, and I KNOW most people are OK with it, I thought that I would eventually learn to be OK with it, but I’m in my twenties, and I’m not. I’ve tried, but I just couldn’t. So I recently got a part-time job instead (doesn’t feel all that good, but a bit better than the chain of full-time for me).
For the first time lately, I also tried to commit myself to actually feeling better. So, I got back into an old hobby of mine – gaming. I also allowed myself to just sit on a bed and guide myself towards good-feeling thoughts, like memories of recent holidays, or thinking about how much I love my dog, that kind of stuff, and I even meditated a bit, and I DID feel good. I found a GOOD FEELING PLACE.
The next day, SHIT HIT THE FAN. I realised that I really needed a raise at work, I’m very highly educated and smart and efficient, and I’m getting paid at 5euros an hour. However, when I brought it up at home with my family, things went to hell, we had a huge fight, and mostly my mother threatened to kick me out of the house unless I get a full-time job, and also told me that if I resumed part-time employment, I would never have leave, sick leave, bonuses, or a pension, nor would I get any raise, as I’m too inexperienced. Foolishly, at that instant I believed her, and in that powerless state, I said “fuck it, I’m not going to work tomorrow.” The thought of going to work to earn 5euros, and never be entitled to leave,sick leave, bonuses, etc, made me feel like nothing but a slave, and I said I’d rather die of poverty and hunger than be a slave.
The next day, I met a friend and she immediately told me she’d been through similar things with her parents. She took me to download our country’s laws (Malta Law Courts), specifically those related to part-time employments. I made several printouts and went home and angrily slammed them in my family’s faces. Everything mom had said about the leave, bonuses, the wage rate, all were LIES. I couldn’t believe that they were just willing to tell me crap to make me feel powerless, so that I’d get a full-time job, to make them feel good. So a huge fight ensued.
So in some way, I understand that it was good of me to feel the emotions because I was guided to find out from my friend that my parents were wrong. However, I still don’t get what I have to do. Even after this all happened, I’m still NOT 100% happy with my work (because it’s still the same, I just know my legal rights now), and when all the fights were done, I didn’t automatically return to the GOOD-FEELING PLACE. And I didn’t get the raise.
Was I supposed to? Do I have to guide myself there again? Or should I have automatically found myself back in that good-feeling? Did I somehow get off the good-feeling wave? Or have I lost some momentum? I find it hard to bridge the importance of feeling good, yet at the same time, having to accept the feelings, because I don’t go back to feeling good after I have, or at least this time, I haven’t.
Chris, I can only recommend you Abraham’s book Money and the Law of Attraction. It has all the answers you are looking for.
As Melody follows these teachings as well, I hope she doesn’t mind. Or/ and you can download some of her recorded calls for only a few bucks each. Do yourself a favor and do both.
I’ve selected 3 blog posts here for you that may be of interest.
Hope they help in some way
Wow, another great one, Melody!