How often are you having the following conversation with yourself?
“I should be doing so much better than I am right now. I should be further along than I am in my life. I should be doing something else. What should I do? Should I do that? I probably shouldn’t do that, right?”
Are you caught in the shoulds?If you are, you’re actually sabotaging your manifesting success in a way that you may not have thought about before. But don’t worry, because in today’s video I’m going to share with you a simple but very powerful and fast technique – something you can do in the next 30 seconds to help you shift out of the shoulds and back on track to manifesting success.
So stayed tuned and watch today’s video!
Hey my Happy Shiny Puppies! I’m Melody Fletcher, author of Deliberate Receiving: Finally the Universe makes some freaking sense!, and in today’s video I’m going to share with you how to get out of the shoulds. It’s going to be a real quick one! Are you ready?!
Replacing the word should with a more empowering phrase
All you have to do is replace the word “should” with a different phrase, but before I give you that phrase I’m going to give you a tiny little bit of explanation first.
When you ask the question, “Should I do something?” – who are you asking? Who are you asking for permission or for advice? Well, here’s a hint! It’s someone outside of you!
You may not actually be able to answer that question, because you’ve never actually defined who it is you’re asking. You’ve simply learned to ask outside of yourself. That is the definition of giving away your power. You’re giving it to someone else and you don’t even know who you’re giving it to! Who is supposed to determine what you should or shouldn’t do with your life?
If you replace the word “should” with the simple phrase “want to” you instantly take your power back and here’s how:
Q – “Should I do that?”
A – “I don’t know, should you?”
Q – “Do I want to do that?”
A – “No, I really don’t want to!” Or, “Yes I totally want to!”
It becomes an answerable question. You can’t answer the question “Should I do that?” – no-one can; but you can always answer, “Do I want to do that?”
Stop judging yourself
“Should I be further along in my life?”
That question contains a lot of judgement. The reason you’re asking it is because you are saying, “Yes I think I should be and something has gone wrong.”
Soften it with the words want to. “Do I want to be further along in my life? Well yes, I do want to.”
From the “want to” perspective, now you can actually do something about it. “What do I want to do?” There’s no judgement in wanting but there is judgement in “should”. When you take the judgement out of it, it instantly opens up a lot of energy. Again, it brings it back to you, into your scope of power.
Watch for the word “should” and start replacing it with the phrase “want to” and see how your perspective starts to change.
That was today’s little tiny nugget of LOA!
For now, I’m Melody Fletcher, author of Deliberate Receiving. Huge hugs to all of you and see you next week. Bye!
I love this so, so much, Melody. So freaking much. I listened to it just once but it really stayed with me, on replay in my mind. It’s not that I have too much of a problem in this area, it’s that the people I serve with my business — mothers of young children — really struggle in this area. I share this advice now with my clients and followers because it really turns on a lightbulb with them. Suddenly they get that there’s no one way to be a mother, and there are a million “right ways” to be a parent … so all this struggle we have about whether or not we should homeschool, or vaccinate, or feed our children only organic food, or let them watch TV, or walk to school by themselves … on and on and on and on … it’s just nonsense. There’s no one correct answer for everyone. There’s no ultimate “should” as a parent, other than provide love and care. Everything else is just personal preference. Thank you again for sharing your wisdom and I’m thrilled to be able to take this message to a group of women I see who need it the most.
Perfect timing as usual! I had a little bit of the same problem as anonymous mentioned above in that I know who I’m asking. I’m asking my higher self. When I say “should” I mean “want to”, but the energy feels so different. I’m not sure what part of me puts obligation on “should” but I’ll definitely start practising switching up these words. Thanks Melody! 🙂
This one was mellow, having some trip finding this one out …
Hi Melody — thanks for the tip — it’s good advice that I’ll definitely have to remember. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? I shared on my Facebook.
Awesome! Short, sweet, simple, makes sense, and doable! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Melody! 🙂
LOVE IT! I’m sharing this! 🙂 And a little extra tip, replace “have to”‘s by “get to”‘s in your dialogue too, “I have to do the laundry” turns into “I get to do the laundry”, and you are more aware of the blessing of actually having clothes to wash and the means to do it too! 🙂
So good. This will be be a great thing to teach my kids. I don’t want them to harbor that “Catholic guilt” that I had growing up, lol. ;). Thanks Melody!
Wow! Just what I needed to hear! Thank you!
OK, I hope it is alright to play with this one a bit. What if there really is an answer to the question of who is saying should? For example:
A piece of work you are not motivated to do.
Q: Should I do it?
A: Yes you should, because I am your boss and I am paying you money and I expect that you fulfill your side of the agreement (pay for work done).
Q: But what if I really don’t want to do it?
A: Well then you can leave and I will hire someone who will do the work.
Q: Oh, well then I won’t have the money to pay my rent or buy food and that doesn’t feel very good. But, I should be totally lined up and know that the universe will provide everything. But I don’t yet. I am working on it, but not quite there yet. So should I just take my bag and shout ‘cheers my dears’ as I slam the door behind me? Well no, probably not. So I guess I’ll just have to knuckle under and do this thing I don’t actually want to do.
I understand the concept of this and I get that there is this space where you have cleared your resistance and you go with the flow of the universe and where staying in a job you can’t stand is the last thing you would do. But between here where I am standing now and over there with all the rainbows and unicorns and shit, there is a bit of work to be done. I am engaged in that work. But is there an intermediate step? A step where I can feel better about the shitty work I have to do right now because I can’t just not do it?
It often feels like this is an all-or-nothing game and I am hoping to find some intermediate steps.
I know there are clever people on here. Hoping to hear how you deal with this.
I’d ask yourself why you’re manifesting something you feel you “have” to do.
I’d also look at it still like a choice. If you really wanted you could walk out. But you’ve determined it is the best for you right now to stay there and do the work.
But as you know I’m sure, it all starts with your emotions. Start to create this within yourself. Take back your power little-by-little.
If you create the place within of freedom and abundance, it must be created on the outside, too. but the outside isn’t our concern or responsibility, unless we’re inspired to take action.
I agree with Brandon. About the work you must do now, whistle while you work. It helps you get through it. Create an inner world of how you want to feel and it will manifest on the outside as well. You may be inspired to quit one day so let it come and let it be.
I tuned in to this classic work The Martian Chronicles yesterday and the Martian does speak the truth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfypTnKYN5s&feature=share
I hope you are able to watch and get it. We see what we want and create what we want. And of course, the universe has your back, so no worries.
Eidelweiss when you are in the process of change it’s a gradual thing, and a part of your resistance to that change can be your resistance to the things that you don’t want to do now. You need to keep the energy flowing so you can move through the things that you don’t want to do (but feel you have to), and on to more of the things that you do want to do.
A few things that I can offer are: look at it from a sideways perspective. instead of head on, so to speak…. You’ve written all of your answers (almost) in your words. You know that you have to do this thing or you won’t have the money that you need right now…. so how about ….. If i do this thing, I can keep my job, for now, and receive the money that i need until i can create/manifest something better for myself…. Maybe you can try going back through your comment and shifting your perspective on all of it in a similar way…it might help
I often find that if you take a moment, before you start, and focus on how you will feel when it’s all finished, you’ll be called to the other side of the task in a way that will help to ease you through it. And if you find yourself focusing back on the having to do it as you are doing it… then deliberately switch yourself back to the end focus again,. The steps are all there, you just need to keep taking them 🙂
Your replies are all insightful and very helpful. Thank you so much!
Oh I lovezzz this! 😀 And also I love your necklace Melody, where’d you get it? 🙂
I honestly don’t remember! Macy’s maybe? Sorry!
Should I mention the lack of transcript for the previous post? I want to so I will.
Good post Melody, it throws up all sorts of thoughts about social obligations and the unexamined patterns of behaviour we fall into.
Well done Jon! But I didn’t forget about you; the transcript for the last post went up a few minutes before this one got published. BAM! 😛
Excellent 😉 Funny thing, I held off asking for days, and when I eventually did, it was right when you were just about to post it. . . Not sure what the lesson there is. Trust, and Melody will provide? 😉
Maybe this was the “letting go”. Once you finally put it in words, the energy was able to move, I don’t know.
Oh wow, how interesting! The power of words.
The former feels like I am stabbing myself in the heart. I am hurting myself when I say I should. The latter, on the other hand, feels more like I’m in the flow of things. It feels more humane, kinder, like ok, you can do that without pounding the gavel on what I should do, which is judgmental and that’s why it feels like that! Very good explanation. Thank you!
Perfect! Just that one little change – and you can really feel the energy shifting. Thanks!
Should I watch the Video?
Do I want to watch the Video?
This is simply awesome! So many people forget to pay attention to what they really want, and tend to sacrifice it for stupid external reasons. This is so empowering, thank you! 🙂
This is my first comment, I think! I think this was a great post, and this message was something I really needed to hear right now. I have been pushing myself so much these past few months, so coming to the realization that there are things I don’t have to do is..quite frankly, wonderful. It will probably take some more practice, but I feel so much lighter already. Thank you!
You’re welcome Moah! Welcome to the comments section! 🙂
Thanks melody for the wonderful post. U know that but let me tell it again… You are awesome.. 🙂
Interesting concept, but it will not work for me. This is because when you asked who I am asking whether I should or should not do something, I had an answer. Who I am asking, is my logical self. I am asking the self that follows a classical view of cause and effect. I cannot just let go of that part of me. I have realized it simply will not work. Therefore, since I have that going on, I was wondering how I should proceed.
Can you give an example of a “should” statement and what your logical self says about it?
I didn’t write the “anonymous” comment, but I think I can come up with (maybe?) what he or she means. Example:
Should I eat that pan of brownies? I really want to, in this moment.
Logical Self: No, you shouldn’t. You really want to now, but it will make you feel sick later, and it will interfere with your weight loss goals.
Yes, that is another good example of the type of thing I was talking about. Same “energy.”
Here’s a very simple, and not too personal, example. A few weeks ago, a friend was on Skype with me. and she spilled a bit of hot chocolate on her laptop computer. Now she dried off what she saw pretty quickly, and it worked. She did not turn her computer off or anything. I have heard so much about how liquid and technology does not mix, so I decided to do some research to be sure everything would be fine for her. My research said that it can become a problem. Basically, the sugars could get into the keyboard and ruin the circuit boards slowly over time. Water damage is not covered by her warranty, and I would assume that the censors that are triggered by liquid damage probably went off. I told her she should check them but she wasn’t worried about it. In fact, she seems to believe that people hype up the problems with a little spill so the tech companies can make more money.
Now if it was me, I would have gone to get it checked out by a specialist. I wouldn’t want to give up my computer for a while to do that, but I would, because my logical mind says I should.
I do not believe in my friend’s little conspiracy. I also would not be trusting this law of attraction stuff to just make it all go right, because I am not sure that it is true. This is the kind of thing I simply wouldn’t risk. I have not had definitive personal experience showing I can trust LOA. Therefore, for me, I would do what I should do, not what I wanted.
Also, recently, her computer has started doing some odd things. I do have a feeling she’s got a bit of an issue there.
Hope this example makes sense.
It sounds like it’s working out for your friend okay. I agree it can cause a problem, but vibration is a powerful thing. If she’s not a match to having problems with her computer, then she won’t.
I’ve heard tons of stories about people’s iPhones breaking by just dropping it once or twice. Yet my wife and I have dropped our iPhones countless times and never had even a cracked screen. She even threw hers once, lol. Not this current one, but one a few years ago.
All logical evidence says that the screen should have been cracked or broken by now. But it’s not.
For you, it sounds like the path of least resistance would be in getting the computer checked out. That’s valuable information. If you felt like you “should” get it checked out, and didn’t soothe that feeling but just chose to go against it, likely problems would arise because of that vibrational discord.
So, I’d say with the “want to” step comes soothing that feeling of “should”.
I actually just used this yesterday.
My wife: “Brandon, my friend wants to come over and she’s in the mood for your cooking. Will you cook?”
I felt my own vibration, and felt resistance to that idea. I felt a bit of a should, but soothed that. So:
Me: “It’s a bit short notice for me. She can come tomorrow and we can order in. Next week I can cook for her.”
And it all turned out fine.
By the way, with not trusting the LOA, perhaps try testing it in small ways. I’ve seen it work out over and over again, but I know it takes time.
Thank you for the reply. Yes, my friend is having some little problems, but I guess it could be a match to her energy. I don’t know really, it’s a possibility. It’s hard to measure because you can always justify something if you try. It’s cognitive dissonance. It is said that if you mix cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias, it is possible to really believe a lot. That’s why I do not trust LOA. I’m happy for those who do and can, I just have spent a lot of time studying the scientific method and everything surrounding it so I am cautious, maybe overly so.
Funny story though. I tried to reply earlier. Something was going wrong with the website. I was getting a “gateway timeout.” I found it somewhat funny because essentially I was talking about problems with technology. Then there was a little one. It made me laugh.
So why don’t you try to test the LOA on some small things and just see what happens? Or have you tried already?
I was also very skeptical, but I saw it working in ways that couldn’t be denied. When I worried about money, suddenly something happened out of the blue. when I felt good, suddenly things started working out for me.
After a while that can’t really be explained away.
Of course, the law of attraction will validate any perspective you come at it with. It’ll validate the perspective of the universe being random and there being no law of attraction at all. You’ll see more and more evidence proving that.
That’s why science ultimately has to be subjective, no matter how objective they try to make it. Their own personal biases and subconscious beliefs will skew the results. There’s no way around it unfortunately. But it’s something to think about.
So try coming at it with an open mind. Just a bit of openness is enough. Try for a few days to honestly look for evidence of it working in your life. Not to disprove it, but with an attitude of openness and curiosity.
That’s the best way to explore this stuff. 😀
Yes, I have made attempts at testing LOA in small ways. However, I struggle because I do not want to risk falling prey to cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias, which are really powerful. I will explain and get back to the point, just hear me out.
So, imagine a guy named Bob. He hears from a friend that everyone is psychic. He does not believe it, so to help prove it, the friend ass him to remember all of the times when he had a gut feeling about something and then it happened. He will of course find times. However, there is a chance he will not remember the times when he had a gut feeling about something and it did not happen. Confirmation bias is triggered. He sees evidence that confirms what he wants to believe while also forgetting or rejecting or discarding evidence for that which he does not want to believe. For most people, it is completely unconscious. But it is what we deliberately do with LOA. Whether things are changing objectively or not, we do not know because of confirmation bias, and more. See below.
Then there is cognitive dissonance. So Bob, who thinks he is psychic, has had a gut feeling about something and it didn’t happen. He asks, am I really psychic? My gut-feeling-ometer failed. However, his reaction to cognitive dissonance, or the discomfort with that new question, saves the belief. He can believe that his emotions were just getting in the way that day, and his gut feeling wasn’t a glimpse into the future but instead just some fear or excitement or something. It will justify his belief. He can keep it, and does not need to change it.
Now we use it in LOA as well. We cannot only justify our belief with the idea that there is always some form of resistance, we can also use cognitive dissonance to justify feeling good about something we are doing, even if we would not have in the past. And it’s artificial. I will elaborate. There was a study which went something like this. Researchers had some people do a really boring task. One group got 20 dollars compensation, and the other got 1 dollar compensation. They then were asked to tell the “next group of participants” (actually researchers) whether the task was fun or not. People who got very little, only a dollar, were willing to lie. Those who got 20 dollars were not. The ones who got 1 dollar made themselves believe they were enjoying themselves. They asked themselves, why else would I have done this task? There was no other external motivation. I fear that I will “artificially enjoy” things in this way, which I do not want to do.
Of course, I want to believe I will never forget this. I will not lose this critical thinking knowledge. However, I fear that just by taking it into account, I will “ruin” any process which may be there. So, I am not saying LOA is false, I am simply saying that, I fear I have locked myself out if it is true. And thrown away the keys. To the wolves.
This critical thinking keeps me grounded. I do not want to let it go, but if LOA is real, how can it work with these ideas in mind.
Hoping that if it is real, I didn’t break it for everyone reading this…
You can’t “break” the LOA, or lock yourself out. It’s always working, whether you intentionally use it or not.
But, as long as you’re looking for reasons that it is only confirmation bias, then you’ll find those reasons every time.
My question is: So if you take on these new beliefs, and it makes you a happier, more productive, more successful person, who really cares if it is objectively true or not? Is there such a thing as objective truth? It always takes consciousness to experience truth, so in my opinion all truth is subjective.
Logic is just one way of seeing the world. It’s a valid way, but not 100% of the time. Try explaining love with logic. You can’t do it. Perhaps you can break it down to a series of chemicals, but you can’t really capture the essence of it.
I think a balanced approach is better: logic and intuition. Keep ourselves grounded with logic, but also open to intuition for capturing the essence of reality.
Don’t worry, you didn’t ruin it for anyone, lol. This is my audience – intelligent people who tend to overthink everything. So, you fit right in.
Here’s my take on it (and I agree with what Brandon said): Confirmation bias is a thing. So is cognitive dissonance. To me, it’s all about awareness, and no one is asking you to be LESS aware. It’s quite the opposite, actually.
However, I think that you can use these concepts to cover and justify a fear: the fear of getting it wrong. It’s so easy for us to talk ourselves out of doing this work. After all, what if you actually engage with your emotions and then you feel better, but you’re actually just deluding yourself and you have no objective reason to feel better, at least not one that a jury of your peers would agree with? What if you only THINK your life is better, but it’s not (you know, according to others)? What that comes down to is a focus (way too much of a focus) on what other people think – outsourcing our opinions to others. That’s called “giving away your power”. But you can make the decision to value your own opinion above theirs. I other words, if YOU feel that your life is better, then it is. You’re trying to make something that is inherently subjective, objective and that doesn’t work.
But, you can understand that it’s subjective, and even give yourself conscious permission to be subjective – with full awareness. That’s not delusional (which is a state of unawareness), it’s simply making a choice. A better feeling choice. Deliberately. 🙂
I hope that helps.
If anyone is interested in voting in Melody (or anyone else) for The Awesome LOA Leader Award…go here.
Hey Brandon and Melody:
Sorry for my late reply. I got kind of out of the writing mood. And I also had some stuff going on.
Anyway this dialog is exactly what I have gone through in my head over and over. Melody brought the dialog to where I always get stuck. I get to the point about being more aware, but I think I fear losing that awareness. I may think I am being all aware and grounded, I may think that I am using critical thinking, when I really have lost it. I do not know exactly what the problem is, but I am just not convinced. Like at all. I have no proof that I will be doing what is best for myself. I cannot be comfortable unless I can objectively measure my results. I am not okay with being subjective, and it does not have to do all with other people. Along with critical thinking, numbers and measurements keep me grounded. If I can quantify something, I am happy. I do not know any other way to explain it. I have no idea what can fix it. It’s a puzzle.
Now it’s weird. There have been times in the past when this sort of “switch” flips. I cannot explain it, and I cannot even believe I am writing about it online. I feel like my head is quiet, but my mind is at optimal functioning. I am comfortable just being. Everything is still quantifiable.. I kind of stop trying to do this LOA stuff, but I still do it anyway. Probably the weirdest feeling. The only way I can explain it is that I feel floaty. It might be what has been explained at times as the “vortex,” I don’t know. It is totally natural. I haven’t had it in a while, and I usually overthink my way out of it.
I think I lose it after trying any LOA technique. It’s a paradox. I want that feeling back lol.
Anyway this is kind of jibberish but I have had a long day. Hoping I am still understandable.
Thanks for the responses. I am really grateful to have people listening.
Hi Anonymous. It sounds like balance. Critical thinking is a very helpful skill and doesn’t need to be ‘lost’. But instead of always thinking with your head, try to also think with your heart – the optimal place being to balance these equally – and then the results will speak for themselves. They say follow your heart. Never a truer word was said :-). Hope this is helpful.
Another story I thought of. Towards the end of last year I randomly started having fears about my computer developing a problem. There was no reason to suspect it might, but the thought lodged itself in my head and I couldn’t remove it.
Within a week or two my computer started having problems. It validated my fears. I knew I had manifested it.
So I really worked on soothing that fear, and pretty soon it was back to normal. I don’t even remember what the problem was it was having now.
This came at the perfect time (why am I surprised LOL…I mean LOA)! I have been saying “I really should do…” A LOT lately but have not been able to change my perspective in a positive way. Now I can simply tell myself I want to instead of I should! Brilliant!!! You are just so awesome, Melody 🙂 Thank you!! Smooshy hugs!
This is awesome.
In NLP we also talk about the “should”. It’s called the Meta Model.
And we challenge it with a question like, “What would happen if you didn’t?” Or, “Is that true?” Or even, “According to whom?”
I love the “want to” thing though. So much more empowering. 😀
The perfect bite-sized and actionable nugget. Thank you!
I was only “shoulding” this morning about doing something my friends are all doing.
Do I want to start up a franchise business like all my friends are?
NO I DONT
Wow, that little nugget was worth gold to me!