You may have heard me and other teachers mention that if something feels like a really big deal, like it’s going to change your life, that its manifestation is usually far away, because things that are about to manifest feel normal and like they’re the “next logical step”. Would it then be better to not get too excited about the thing we want, to even practice being blasé about it in order to speed up our manifestations? And can being too excited actually make us desperate for what we want? Watch today’s video to find out.
Awesome Courtney’s Burning Question:
“Hi Melody! My question is about excitement/exhilaration. One morning after waking up excited about the day and catapulting out of bed, I felt inclined to google the feeling of excitement in relation to LOA. I guess I expected to see a laundry list of positive results and re-enforcement: ‘Yes! Get super excited! It’s the best idea!’
But instead I saw a lot of warnings about excitement taking you to a place of high state vibration that is rooted in wanting/needing. I totally understand how being constantly hyped up, and especially focused on TRYING to be hyped up, can hinder your manifestations. I get the concept of detachment, I don’t think that’s the part I’m struggling to grasp.
What I’m reading is that it’s wrong to feel too passionate or excited about your dreams and goals and that the ideal feeling is nonchalance/’ordinary’. I’m having trouble with this. How do you feel ‘ordinary’ and nonchalant about something that makes you so friggin’ happy? And doesn’t that contradict the ‘feeling good’ perspective? How can you know the difference between feeling good and feeling too good to the point of desperation? Isn’t trying to maintain that enough to make you go crazy? Am I in the matrix? What year is it?”
Well Awesome Courtney, I’m going to zero right in on the thing that hopefully caught your attention as well! I’m going to re-read it here: “How can you know the difference between feeling good and feeling too good to the point of desperation?”
If you’ve read my book, or you’ve been on my blog for a while, you will have seen the concept of “The Spectrum of Empowerment,” where I map out all of the emotions from the negative side to the positive side. You’ve got to know then that desperation is nowhere near feeling really, really good. It’s not like, you feel good, you feel better, you feel even better… and then you swap over into desperation. That’s not how that works! However there are a lot of limiting beliefs at play here, and there’s also a lot of confusion here, so I’m going to do my best to clear that up for you today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting
People always go on about wanting and how we shouldn’t want anything.
Disclaimer: this is how I view it; this is how I explain it, and hopefully once I’ve explained it, it will make sense. You might find that other teachers seem to contradict this, but there’s nothing I can do about that. See which answer you resonate more with.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting (in the way that I speak about it), because you can’t stop wanting; you are a wanting machine; you are a creator. But there’s a big difference between wanting and needing, and the two become so ingrained in our belief system in this society that we often confuse them for each other, even though they are not the same thing at all.
When we need something, we need it for survival, and this is what’s actually happening in the brain when the reptilian brain kicks in. All the neurological pathways are kicking in that say, “If I do not get this thing, I’m not going to be ok and my survival is being threatened.” The problem, for most of you, and certainly for people who are reading this on a computer, is that you are probably not out there dealing with survival issues. You probably have enough food to stay alive, you have shelter to sleep under and you have enough protection from the elements and predators. These are not big concerns for you.
When we talk about needing, the stuff that gets activated is our actual survival mechanism, and that doesn’t have anything to do with wanting. Like I said, you can’t stop wanting; you are a creator and creators want. Think of it this way: an artist who is working on a masterpiece can already be enjoying the vision of the next five sculptures that he’s going to create, or the next five paintings he’s going to create, or the next five books that she’s going to write. There is no desperation in that; there is only, “Oh my god, I am loving this, and I’m going to love the next thing and the next thing and so on.”
The problem arises because we have a very strong belief in our society that says that we don’t get to want something unless we need it, meaning we only get to want from a place of dissatisfaction. Let me demonstrate this:
You don’t get to buy a new pair of shoes, you don’t even get to want a new pair of shoes, it’s not ok for you to want a new pair of shoes, unless you need a new pair of shoes. So, if you have a party to go to and you bought a new dress, but you don’t have any shoes to wear to that party, suddenly you get to want a new pair of shoes. But you don’t get to just go to your closet and say, “Oh, I’d love a new pair of shoes.” No, no, no – that’s greedy!!
How to make wanting a pure thing
You don’t get to want unless you need.This is a powerful, powerful belief that gets in the way, which means we only allow ourselves to want freely from a place of dissatisfaction. We have coupled dissatisfaction with wanting and then wanting often doesn’t feel good. But if you can give yourself permission to want without the need, you decouple them and wanting becomes a pure thing, as I said earlier, like the artist creating and already wanting to create the next thing, and the next thing, and so on.
It’s about getting excited; for example, sitting on the rollercoaster and being excited about the other rollercoasters you’re also going to go on, but not taking anything away from the rollercoaster that you’re currently enjoying. It’s a completely different mindset.
Desperation comes in when we think that we need what we want. But here’s the thing and it’s the thing that you really want to remember (put it on a post-it note or tattoo it somewhere on your body. But maybe make it a temporary tattoo, because you will remember this after a while…):
Nobody needs an iPhone! Nobody needs the latest toy; nobody needs a car; nobody needs a computer! We don’t need any of these things to survive. And yet, if we were only allowed to want something that we needed, then guess what? We would all still be living in the stone ages; we would all still be Neanderthals because we had what we needed to survive back then. But our lives aren’t about surviving, they’re about thriving. We don’t need any of these things that we’ve created. Nobody needed a microprocessor that allowed us to have a computer that is far more powerful than anything we’ve ever seen before, which fits in the palms of our hands. Nobody needs that to survive, but we want it, and we can enjoy it. It has catapulted us into an age where we are now creating things that past generations couldn’t even imagine in their wildest dreams. It is about evolution and creation, which is fuelled by wanting.
You don’t have to justify what you want
Pure wanting has nothing to do with desperation and needing anything. The faster you allow yourself to want without need, the more creative you’ll become, because you will drop the justification that you first have to need in order to want. Do you see that it becomes so much more fun? Like a child in a room full of beautiful and wonderful toys, you don’t need to justify that which you want. The child doesn’t go, “Oh! Well, do I have a need for that? Why am I allowed to play with that? I’ve got to come up with some reason.”
When was the last time you stood in a store and you found a purse or some other item that you wanted, or you where in an electronics store and you saw the latest iPhone or whatever, and you tried to come up with some justification as to why it’s ok for you to buy that thing, instead of just saying, “I want it; I can afford it; it’s ok!”?
Why is wanting something and it making you feel good not enough justification?! Well, how about you just choose that it is?
Getting into a state of exhilaration
Now that I have created this basis with this explanation, let’s take a look at your question: “Is it possible to become too excited, so that we take ourselves out of the flow of the manifestation and swap into desperation?” No, it is not! Desperation is nowhere near exhilaration!
So here’s the thing: when something feels like it’s too big a deal, you cannot get into a state of exhilaration, and I mean true exhilaration, about it. What you are doing is faking it. When you are desperate and you think you are in exhilaration, you are faking it. You’re trying to be exhilarated about it, but you’re not. It doesn’t actual feel good. When you are truly in exhilaration (and that is why I say you can’t fake this, you actually have to feel the way that you want to feel), you are doing it because it feels fun to do it. You’re not even doing it to make anything happen anymore, you’re just doing it because it’s a fun fantasy for you to engage with; it’s a fun vibration for you to be in and it feels so good, and yay – then you are in the flow.
Trust how you feel
Here’s what you do: You reach for the best feeling that you have access to on that subject, which might not yet be exhilaration, but it’s the best feeling you can reach for. Sometimes, in the beginning, it’s going to feel like relief – relief from pain, relief from needing, and relief from desperation. You are going to feel relief. So you reach for the best feeling, and as you acclimate to that, you get access to the next highest feeling, so you reach for that, and as you acclimate to that, you get access to the next highest feeling, and so on. When you are in desperation, you don’t have access to exhilaration; you just don’t. You can fake it, you can be delusional about it, but you won’t yet feel true exhilaration. So what do you trust? You trust how you feel.
Do you actually feel good, or are you noticing that you don’t actually feel so good? Are you pretending to feel good? Do you feel good intelligently because you are thinking intellectually positive thoughts that should feel good? Or do you actually feel good? In order to feel good, you have to be honest about it and admit how you actually feel right now. If you feel like shit right now, notice that you feel like shit, and ask yourself, what is the thing that you can reach for that feels better than shit, instead of saying, let me reach right up to exhilaration.
You know when you are feeling really good. Trust that you are feeling really good, because I can feel that you generally are. Don’t shit all over that by questioning whether or not feeling really, really good is ok. That’s another limiting belief that has come out that has been mirrored back to you, and yes it’s bit you just a little bit in the ass. For you, that is what this is all about. You asking yourself, “Is it ok for me to feel really, really good, or am I doing something wrong?”
I am here to tell you: Nope, you are allowed to feel really, really good. Choose to honor yourself, choose the perspective that it’s ok to be happy; it’s ok to have an awesome life; it’s ok to get everything that you’ve ever wanted. You can let go of all those beliefs that are saying that’s not a good thing, that you’re not allowed to have that unless you have a justification, and you can’t want something unless you need it.
This is a really big concept that we discussed here today and it takes some practice and some reminding yourself, because you might be hearing all of your grandparents’ and parents’ voices in your head saying, “But you don’t need that.” Yeah – but you want it!! So let that be good enough.
I hope that I’ve answered your question, and I think I may have given you a lot more than you were asking for, but I have given you what you were a match to. 🙂
This has been this week’s Q&A. Huge hugs to all of you and see you next week. Bye!